268: Uncover the Beliefs Your Current Tribe Is Reinforcing

Foreign. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And this is your time. So I'm so proud of you for taking this time out of your schedule to listen in to a podcast, whether it's mine or somebody else's, because this is how we feed our minds with what we need in order to move forward, forward. And I am so excited because we are launching our aligned program again. And when I say we, I mean myself and my husband. And this is the second launch of our aligned program. And the really cool thing about the second launch is that we have been through the entire first launch and I've gotten to hear all of the things that it's done for people, all of the incredible shifts, all of the life changing moments and things that have come out of this program. And if you don't know, Chris and I do live coaching, live group coaching every single week on this program. So it is the only place that we have opened up our schedules to have him and I for an hour coaching for the nine weeks. And what was so cool is that we got super intimate with the people that were in there. So even though it was a large group, it felt really intimate on the calls and we really got to see everybody's face on Zoom and get to know everyone. So you guys, if you are ready this fall to really get your life in line with your vision, if you are ready to finally line that up and learn what those blocks are and learn what you're missing and find your tribe, you can go to becomealigned.com right now and you can sign up to get notifications and the free training that is coming before the launch. So we launch in just a few weeks, but if you guys even want the free free train, go there for the free training. Like, the free training is so incredibly good. And I'M telling you, I love the fact that Chris and I are on this together because you get the male and female perspective and we really come together to cover a whole lot of ground and move forward quickly. So go to becomealigned.com and hopefully I will get to see your face over that nine week period. So on today's quickie, I am, I am like obsessed with this podcast or this topic right now because I want you to all we're going to do something. So if you're driving, you can absolutely do this exercise later. You can think about it right now in your head if you're out on a run. And again, thank you guys for taking me out on your walks, out on your runs, in your car with you. I feel like we get to just hang out and, and truly just nourish our souls together. So this one is really about taking some tribe inventory because I want to start looking at tribe and the people in our lives as our reinforcers. So if we stop looking at them as, you know, just people or friends or family. And while I don't want to take all emotion out of it, I do want this to be a wake up call. As to Sometimes we wonder why our belief system is not supporting us or why our belief system is not changing the way that we want or why it feels so challenging to break outside of the struggle or the mindset of struggle or shattering limiting beliefs about money or relationships. And we're wondering why we're not manifesting what we really desire and what our vision is in our life. And majority of the time, which is why I wrote my entire book, it's because of the people that are reinforcing beliefs. So for a moment I want to take a second and really look at the maybe it's three or maybe it's five people that you're around the most. And I highly recommend doing this exercise alone. And if you write their names down on paper, maybe get rid of the piece of paper. But let's just be super real because what we're doing is we're taking a really good look at why we are not reaching our highest vision that God, source, whatever you believe has put on our hearts. So taking tribe inventory, I want you to write down each person's name that you're around most, that you talk to most or that you listen to most. Sometimes our tribe can even be the television set if you're spending the most time with that. Sometimes our tribe can be the news if you're spending the most time with that. So what are the things that you're spending the most time with or people that you're spending the most time with. And then underneath, I want you to write what is the main thing? Main belief and habit. So put belief and then put habit underneath that they are reinforcing in your life. And then I also want you to write another bullet point. So put habit belief, and I want habit belief. And also I want you to write limiting beliefs. Can you tell I'm writing this down right now? So put habit, belief and limiting beliefs of that person or thing and write them out. Really write them out. So if it's a friend and they have a massive limiting belief about success, about relationships, about money, what's going to happen is if you spend a lot of time with them, that's as far as your beliefs are going to go. So they are reinforcing in you that this is as far as you can go as well. Whether they say it to you or whether it's just something that you're hearing all the time. If you are working so hard on your belief around success, money, relationships, spirituality, if you are going and getting reinforced by somebody else's belief, you're never going to be able to lock that in. So I want you to think about it this way. So I don't know if you guys have pets or we can talk about it from a kid perspective as well. So if you guys have ever had a pet, and you could be with that pet all day long training it, and the second someone else comes into the picture, if they don't reinforce the training that you have, it pretty much breaks the entire pattern and the entire habit and the entire training that you had with that animal for the day, if it is not reinforced by the other party as well. So let me tell you a little story about this. So when we first got waffles, our golden doodle, I was all about the training and my husband was all about the training as well. But he also had certain things that he loved about the dog. Like he loved when she would get super excited and show all of that emotion and wag her tail and jump up on him when he got home from work. Like especially late at night if he had a long day. And this dog was just so excited to see him. He loved that this puppy would like jump up on his chest and give him like a little dog hug. I don't know. And so the thing about jumping up is I knew this dog was going to be enormous. So she can't really jump up because she will take down small Children. And that will be really bad and awkward. And also just when people came into our house, like, it's really weird when you know you have an out of control dog. I don't know about you, but I feel like people are like, judge you off of their dog. Or is that just me? It's probably just me. No, it's not. It's everyone. So it's like, do you want this crazy animal? No, you want an animal that's trained well. You want an animal that is not. Is. Is like not going to knock people over when they come into your home. And some. Some. Someone. It's a person to me. And a dog that's really behave because it just makes life so much easier. An out of control dog can be super chaotic. Okay, so moving on. So we had taken her to these doggy classes and we knew different ways to reinforce not having her jump up. And one of them was to take yourself out of the situation. So whenever waffles would jump up, I decided to spend like a week working on this. So one day I had the day off and I found this perfect spot that I could take myself out of the situation, which was my pantry. So it means like taking yourself away from the do because they want your attention the most. So whenever she would jump up, like, she would start jumping up in the morning, and I would go in the pantry right behind the door and shut the door and wait and wait and wait and then come back out and she would jump up again. So I'd take myself out of the situation and go back in the pantry. Well, I did this for hours. One day, like, I spent so much damn time in that pantry, I was like, oh, my God, this better be worth it. And she was becoming like this perfect angel dog. Like, she knew exactly what I would say when I would say, no, sit instead of jumping up. And so I was so excited to show Chris this training. And the second that he came through the door, he said, up, up, up. Patted his chest, she jumped up. That was it. I could not get her to sit again because the second he reinforced the other behavior, it was broken. Oh. And I literally. He came home and I freaked out on him. I'm like, I spent the whole day in the pantry and you just wrecked it.

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And so what I want you to look at is you can work all day Long listening to a podcast, reading a book, saying your mantra, etras, doing all of the great things. But the second you get around that friend or that person who says, who has a lack mindset or says, no, I don't think you're going to be able to do this, or what are you thinking, or has a fearful money mindset, or has massive money blocks or has incredible limiting beliefs about their life, it's going to reflect back to you that this is how you should be thinking, or this is how the world is, or the world is a scary place. So these people aren't just people, they are your reinforcers. So it is that serious. You guys, what are the habits that they are reinforcing in your life? What are the beliefs they're reinforcing and what are the limiting beliefs that they are reinforcing? Because that's as far as we are going to be able to get. And if you are like, oh my God, everybody in my life is reinforcing something negative, it doesn't mean you have to go and be like, I can't hang around you ever again. But what I do want to say is spend more time with the positive reinforcers than with the negative ones. That might mean in the beginning, reading more books than spending more time with those other people, or watching positive programs than watching what you're watching right now, or listening to positive podcasts than maybe filling your mind with just mindless junk, right? Spending more time with those people, whether that's going to more events on the weekend instead of going and partying all weekend, or going to different get togethers that are reinforcing a fearful mindset, or staying small, or when you get bigger, you get rejected by certain groups. I really want you to look because this is what is being reinforced in your life. So I'm, I'm kind of asking you, I'm not kind of asking you, I am asking you to take a look around. And if you are not matched up with ultimately where you want to go, if you're wondering why it's not happening, take a real good, honest inventory of what the people in your life are reinforcing. I'm telling you, sometimes I look at my life and I'm like, what is my environment even reinforcing? Is there a lot of clutter over there that's like, oh my God, girl, you're a mess right now because there's so much clutter and energetic clutter that every time I walk by something it's reinforcing that I feel a bit messy in Certain corners of my life. So it's really an honest way to look at, you know, we set up our lives to reflect back where we're at sometimes. And we ultimately need to set up our lives to reflect back where we're going. Set up a life and a tribe that reflects where you're going, not where you are currently at or what you are currently feeling. So just to really lock this in, you guys, it's really like when you know and I can't completely relate. But let's use a parent analogy here so all of you moms out there can help me with this. But imagine when you're potty training, I've only heard about all of the experiences from my friends about when you're potty training, how important it is to reinforce a good habit as well, to really reinforce positive action in the right direction and make it a really positive experience. So if you're doing something that's awesome in your life or you're doing something correctly or you're doing something that's really creating forward momentum, but all of a sudden you go somewhere and it gets frowned upon or you get shunned for something, you really have to think about where am I going to go? Where this type of response is? You know, it's going to be reflected back to me that my positive actions are a good thing. That my positive actions are a good thing. And this is matching up with who I am and where I want to go. So I'm so grateful for you and I hope that this does not overwhelm you, but actually tells you that there's so much low hanging fruit in your life that you can change that if you start really looking at this and starting to shift this and start crowding out your plate. Right. I love that analogy of crowding out your plate. So right now you might have a full plate of people that are not reinforcing the positive habits, but if you start adding to it, it kind of ends up crowding it out. It doesn't mean that you're not ever going to see these people again or you have to immediately cut them off. It just means you're going to crowd your plate with so many good things, so much good information and so many good people that you notice there is a natural, a natural shift into the right direction, into the direction of spending more time with a positive reinforcer. So look today at the reinforcers in your life and what is going on. And I'm sending you guys so much love. And again, if you want even more positive reinforcement we would love, love, love to see you on our aligned tribe calls so you can go to becomealigned.com I would to be a reinforcer in your life and have that incredible tribe reinforce the habits that you are really wanting to lock into your life as well. So thank you guys so much for listening. As always, I try to respond back to just about every Instagram story that you send of you showing where you're listening to the podcast, what you loved about it. I love to see your takeaways and thank you for sharing with your friends as well. That's how this podcast is getting out. Whether you text a friend an episode that you love or you share it on Instagram, that means the world to me. That means the world to me to get amazing guests on this show. So thank you guys so much. Have the most amazing day and until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take 1 second second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.