285: Q&A Day: How to Juggle Work and Personal Life

Listening and being interested is probably going to make you the most interesting person in that room because so many people like to talk about themselves.

Yes.

So honestly, stay in the room, stay in the fire, tell yourself you're valuable and just listen. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Q and A day with Evans and Lori. Lori Harder.

Evans Cradock. That's us.

So, you guys, we are so excited that you have tuned in. Hopefully you tuned in for the second time. We may have lost you on the first one, I am not sure. But this is the episode where we are going to randomly chat about what's been going on in our week. But most importantly, we are going to shout out a review of the week for the podcast. So we are looking for a five star review and we're also going to answer any of your questions. So truly, you can ask us anything and we will decide if we want to answer it or not. Just kidding. We'll answer it. You can literally ask us anything. I've got great boundaries. Okay, so I want to start off actually though, because you guys need to know Evans, who is my amazing assistant and my co host for Q and A Day. Yay. So I, so I, I would like to know from you, what was it like living in, like, how could you summarize growing up in the South? Oh, it's the best. Why? It's lovely.

It's really humid.

Yep. But I love that that's your answer, how it's lovely.

It is. The people are awesome. There's great food.

I just like.

You get to go crabbing with your brothers.

Crabbing?

Crabbing.

Tell me about crabbing.

You just put a chicken neck in a net thing and you dump it down.

Okay.

And then you leave it sitting there for a little bit and crabs will come crawl in. You pull it back up and then you eat them for dinner.

Do you boil them first?

Yes. I do not participate in that part.

Okay, so you, like, leave for the tough part and then come back and eat the good way to live your life. Okay. That's living your best life.

Living your best leave during the hard stuff.

Yeah. You know what? I have carried that through my life and it served me in a really interesting way. Yeah. Only way through it is to give.

The hard stuff to someone else.

Yeah, exactly. Give it to brothers for sure. Okay. We got to figure that out. If we could hire them, that'd be awesome. Yeah. Okay, perfect.

My question for you is, what's it like growing up in Michigan?

Well, have you ever heard that song by Kid Rock? Which one wasn't it? Oh, doesn't he sing Sweet Home in Alabama? But he talks about living in Michigan.

Oh, he does? Oh, it's like a little mashup.

He talks about Upper Michigan. It's so weird because that's where I'm from. But living in Upper Michigan was also humid in the summer, Very, very cold in the winter. But I will tell you, it was. It was so like, you were just free. Like, I would go on my bike all day long. It would stay bright because we were right on the cusp of Eastern time. So it would stay bright until like 10 o'.

Clock.

So my mom would be like, don't worry, you have to come home when the sun sets. And I'd be like, great, I'll see you at 10 o'. Clock. And I'm like 8 years old, riding my bike all day. That's just how it was. Like we were out in the woods. We were out at the lake. We were. It was so, like, you were so free spirited and you just had the great, this great imagination because there was nothing to do.

Right.

We would, like, besides like light pine cones on fire like in the woods and stuff.

Sounds like a safe upbringing.

Yeah.

You know, I really tested my limits, so. But you can put me in the woods and I think I would survive for minimum two days. That's good. Yeah, I think that's good.

No, that's important. You're outdoorsy.

Yeah, I could eat squirrel. Maybe you could. Just kidding. I love squirrels. I couldn't do it.

No squirrels.

No, we're gonna pass on that. Okay. So I loved learning about you. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing.

Yeah. Next week will be a really great question too. All right, so shall we move into.

Our review of the week?

Yes.

I kind of want to start saying that together. Shall we move into the review of the week? Okay. I like that.

This one comes from Chrissy.

Lulu. Oh, yes.

Your podcast helps me through some of the hardest of my days when I'm feeling down, stuck, and stranded. Thank you so much for what you do and just being you. Today's episode really hit me in the feels.

I absolutely love you, Chrissy Lulu. Chrissy Lulu. I love, love her. That was really sweet. That was really sweet. I love that. Chrissy Lulu, we are sending you a mug. Mug.

A mug mug.

A mug of love. So we need to get your address. She will reach out and we will send you and earn your happiness. Mug. Okay, and let's move on to our questions. Oh, yes.

We're gonna kick it off with a question from Misty Lynn Har, and her question is, how do you confidently juggle work and personal life?

Oh, man. This is gonna be a good question for you too, actually. Really good question. Here's the deal. It's such a challenge, and I've learned that there's no balance for me looks like a sprint and then rest. So I also balance for me is also making sure that I have my mornings, but to myself for the most part. And when I say to myself, I mean, just a quick meditation and a workout and a bit of reading time in the morning. Even if reading time is like five minutes, I still feel so good having that time to myself. And then there are points where the kind of work that I do and I think a lot of creative work, and if you're an entrepreneur, you don't really have set hours. So you kind of have to look at how the project is getting done and say, okay, well, I am in rocket ship mode right now. And that means if you want to launch something new and especially if you are new and you're doing something new and you don't know how it's going to look or how it's done, like, you're probably going to be full throttle for a while. It's going to feel like your rocket ship is breaking down. It's going to feel like your hair is on fire, and you're going to feel like a little bit of a psycho for a while. But that's called momentum. Like, that's called gaining momentum. So balance, to me, I think if we're seeking, like this Zen balance, I think a better word for it is harmony of really working hard, but then really taking some time to make sure that you're nurturing a bit of what you need, but also knowing that to be off balance is kind of. It kind of comes with the territory, right? And if you look at even how, you know, muscles are built or if you look at how people build up their threshold for anything, Right. For cardiovascular health, for sprinting, for how that works, it's really like you have to push the boundaries and the barrier in order to get better. So what will happen is it will kind of feel like you can't handle anymore, but you've just stepped into a new threshold for yourself. So whenever I'm at that point, I'm like, what do I need right now? To feel safe, but also keep going.

Right. Is there something you always fall back on?

Meaning getting present, walking. Like, if. If I'm feeling crazy and I'm like, wow, I just can't find my. Like, I can't find my peace. Like, today I'm having a very, very challenging day. As far as you know, I just went and spoke the weekend before, and then it's actually, this is the third weekend I think I've spoken, so I haven't had a weekend yet. And then all the week has been really full, so. And I'm going to speak this next weekend and then I think the next one, and then I'm doing book tour again. Yeah. So if I start thinking about the future and all of those things, I can legit throw myself into a panic attack. You've seen it where I'm just like, I can't breathe. I'm freaking out. So I have to get really present and say one thing at a time. I say it out loud. Like, Chris said it to me. You said it to me, like, one thing at a time. There's only this here right now. And all of a sudden you've moved from this thing to this thing to this thing, and you're getting all this done. Like, this morning, we filmed workouts. If I could have told you how I actually felt this morning before workouts, I was like, I kind of feel like I want to fall over right now and just like, crawl in a hole and give up everything and be like, sorry, Oprah, I can't come.

But you never seemed like that because.

I kept on saying one thing at a time. Like, this is the only thing here right now. Because I was spiraling this morning and I was like, this is all you can do. This is all you can do right now. And then move on to the next and say, I'm just right here right now. Like, it's all going to get done. But then I also look at what can go. Like, what's actually not going. Like, what's actually. You won't die if something doesn't happen. So sometimes we'll cancel. We'll have to cancel podcasts. Sometimes we'll have to cancel something that I. Maybe a project that I was working on. It's like, this is not the most pressing thing right now. So that's another way to find harmony as well, is say, you know, I always try to honor things as best as I possibly can, but if it means my mental health, that is where I say, nope, this is a really important boundary for me and I can actually reschedule this. So I think that's important for people to look at in their life of when they're feeling off balance, what can absolutely go. How about you?

Oh, yeah, I would say I don't confidently juggle work in personal life.

Yeah. I can't say I'm confident. Yeah.

Everyone's doing the best they can.

Yeah.

I'd say George, my dog helps me.

Yeah.

Because you just knowing that I have those two walks morning and night to just kind of clear your head. Just a little walk will do wonders. It's.

Walking has been my saving grace. Like, really? When people ask about, like, how have Chris and I been married so long? I always say, I swear to you, our walks, because you have to get that up and out. Otherwise I know that you have anxiety as well sometimes.

Yes.

And it's like, if I don't walk and get that moving and, like, get grateful and get in nature, I'm gonna be a freak. Case. Absolutely.

I feel the same way.

Hashtag free case.

Hashtag free case.

Yeah, I don't even think you need a C in there. I think you can just be F R E a K a S E. Free case.

Free case.

Moving on.

Do you want another question?

Yeah.

This one is from Sara. Sara Dane Stackett. Oh, nope, that would be Sarah Tackett.

Sarah Tackett.

Sarah Tackett.

Sarah Stackett is her twin.

Sarah Stackett is her twin sister. And she asked, what are some good practices for balancing. Oh, this is similar question. What are your good practices for balancing your work versus romantic relationships with Chris? Harder.

Hold hands while working. Just kidding. Light candles while working. And. And work from the bathtub. That's kidding. So sweet. I'm sending this email to you from the bathtub so I can balance my romantic life, my work life. Scrub a dub dub.

That's so nice how you guys do work from the bathtub a lot, though.

We don't. So weird. I haven't taken a bath in, like two years. I took one actually. No, recently. Like six months ago when I was like, putting my book out.

That's not Recent.

That feels recent to me because I hate baths. So I took this bath because everyone's like, take a bath. It's so. It like makes you feel so good. And I was sitting in the bathtub trying to relax, and I was like, this is stressing me out.

Just didn't like it.

No, I'm not a bath now massages I can get down with all day. Back to the Q and A. What was the question again?

So the question is, what are some good practices?

Oh, yeah.

For balancing your work versus romantic relationship with Chris?

So scheduling first.

Very.

Yes. And, and you could apply those answers I just gave. But scheduling, you have to schedule. So if you wanted to balance a life of, let's say you were taking different classes, a cooking class, a dance class or whatever. If you wanted to balance that into your life, you wouldn't just expect them to happen. You wouldn't be like, I'm going to go to a drop in dance class and become this great dancer.

Right.

If you want to commit to doing something and doing something well, you have to schedule it in. So for Chris and I, we have the walks every single day. And that's, that's a non negotiable. But then also we're trying to plan ahead. Like, I need a weekend with you. So you say what you need and you sit and you plan it. So I already know I'm going to need a big break after what's coming up. So we're starting to plan that right now because I have to have something to look forward to in a connection time with him.

Yes.

And then even traveling with so much coming up, we're like, okay, well, we have Friday on the road together. Let's not like make any plans around that. And let's actually make that some connection time. So plan it in. See, maybe take turns back and forth. We did this for a while. We were doing fry dates for a really long time.

Ooh, that's fun.

It was super fun. We need to get back to it. It's just we're in sprint mode right now, which is we're giving ourself grace around it. So we were doing fry dates where he would pick something he wanted to do and then I would pick something that I wanted to do. And oftentimes it was something new. Because I have also heard, and this works really well, that if you. There was a book called cheat on your husband with your husband and it was about going and doing things that were out of the norm. Because what happens is we go to the same restaurants we do the same date day, we drink the same wine, we do the same thing. Whatever. Your romantic life might look the exact same way, and you're kind of like, oh, it's kind of boring. But when you put yourself in new situations that either party has been in, you actually are two new people. So they're experiencing you as a different person for the first time. Even if it's frustration, like, even if you're at a dance class, it's still like a new person in a new way doing a new thing. So it keeps it fresh, and it keeps that other person interested. It keeps you more interested, and you have way more to talk about to share an experience. Like, how was that for you? What did that feel like? What did that bring up for you? So Friday was about trying to do new things or go to new parts of town. So that's been. That was awesome.

That's great advice. Trying something new.

Yeah, for sure.

They have really inexpensive things on Airbnb.

Yeah.

Airbnb experiences. You can find fun local classes to take.

Oh.

Depending on how big your city is, but that's a good resource.

So what happens if your partner is resistant? Well, does this happen to you guys?

Luckily, he's very adventurous.

Yeah.

So he's up for new things.

Right.

But one time I chose that beekeeping thing, and it was kind of, please.

Tell me, please share.

Well, you can go on airbnb.com, not sponsored. And they have Airbnb experiences. So I picked backyard beekeeping.

Yeah.

And we learned all about bees. And at first, she was like, whoa, beekeeping. I don't want to get stung.

Yeah, me too.

I was scared, too. But going. And it was the coolest experience. And you meet other people and you get to try something new, and they have all kinds of things. You don't have to put yourself in dangerous situations.

Yeah, but that was dangerous. So you had to wear the face masks and everything. The outfits. Yeah. So, like, you would not get stung through that. Right, right.

But you're just very calm around the bees.

Ah. Do they ex. Do they know if you're anxious? I've heard they kind of are very. Like, they can pick up.

They just don't like when you mess with them. So as long as you're calm around them and stay in your lane, you stay in your lane.

Like, no practical jokes or anything.

No jokes on the.

Like, no snakes in a can. Yes.

And I'm probably not the one to ask about bees, but go to backyard keeping.

I brought snakes in a can to this experience.

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Yeah, I hope that answered Sarah's question.

I think. I think we were thorough with it. Yeah. So thank you so much, Sarah. I hope that you experience some bees with your husband or your partner.

Yes.

Okay.

Another.

Another.

Oh, this is a good question. What's the most pivotal decision you've made in your life that changed everything? And that was from Julie. Underscore. Ann. Underscore. Underscore. Davey. Julie and Davey.

Julie and Davey.

Pivotal decision you've made. That's a hard question.

Deciding that I decide if I belong or not.

Oh, explain.

So whenever. If you could see what my body's doing right now. Trying to answer this. It's very interesting. I have like jiminy Snicket fingers. Is that a person? Okay.

I think so.

So it's never like a lack of talent or a lack of skill because our brains are malleable and we can learn anything. So once you know that, you can pretend to not know it, but that's only keeping you in your position of staying in your comfort zone, which is painful with no reward. We know we talked about the last episode. Leaving your comfort zone is. That's. That was the biggest, pivotal decision actually was leaving the comfort zone. But deciding that I belonged wherever I wanted to go to because I've shown up in many rooms where there's a decision point where it's very easy to be like, I don't fit here because that's how it feels. I don't care what room I've been in. If it's scary and I've never been in it before and it's new people doing amazing things. I can very easily go back to my little 8 year old girl and be like, I don't fit here. I'm gonna be made fun of. I'm gonna go be safe and drink Prosecco in my room and look on Instagram. Yes, that's very safe. Like, I'm gonna go look at golden doodles and golden retrievers. Like, that is a great acting. Cute.

Yes.

Yeah. It's very easy to go back to that comfort zone and then all of a sudden find yourself crying two hours later because you drank too much Prosecco. You're like, I'm in the comfort zone. But that's it, really deciding, like the. The moment of deciding and staying in the fire.

But how do you. Let's say you go to a place that's very much out of your comfort zone and you say, I don't belong here. I don't want to be here. Why did I come to this? Is there a physical thing you do? Do you. What do you do in that moment?

Yes, I stay in the fire. I say to myself, I get to decide if I belong here. It doesn't mean this has to be for me, but I belong here. Does that make sense? So you don't have to be in a room and know I've been in rooms where I'm like, oh my God, I'm not comfortable. This is awful. But it doesn't mean you have to like everyone or like, what's going on. But if there's growth for. I'll tell you that the growth is in just staying. But it's different if it's like, wow, this really isn't for me. This is actually going against my moral code or something like that. Totally different. But we know what we're talking about. We're talking about going to a place where it's an up leveled experience that you're like, wow, I'm very uncomfortable. This is like really pushing me. I don't feel like I belong. I'm not smart enough. I'm not adding value. Stay in the room and start saying, I do belong here. I do have value because I have experience in something else. I don't care if the experience is at staying at home. Like that in itself is experience. Because you can speak into a pain that a lot of people can't speak into anymore. You have something to offer. You just have to be willing to look at it totally different. A lot of times, listening and being interested is probably gonna make you the most interesting person in that room because so many people like to talk about themselves. So honestly, stay in the room, stay in the fire, tell yourself you're valuable and just listen. Like that is so powerful. Just to leave at the end of the night and be like, I stayed in it. I didn't leave. I didn't go to the corner. I didn't. I set an intention for when I go to those things. And I'm like, Lori, you have to meet at Least three new people and just, like, go and stand and talk to them and stay in it long enough that you can break the barrier of weirdness.

You can do it.

That takes a while.

That's hard.

What is breaking the barrier of weirdness feel like for you?

It feels like reminding myself that everyone else puts on their pants the same way, you know? Yeah. I mean, maybe a little different, but.

I mean, some people do the double banger, which is very impressive if you do that.

I'm more of a one leg at a time.

I'm very one leg at a time, but I kind of fall over and, like, jump around.

Yeah. Like a music video. That reminds me of a music video for some reason.

Yeah. Not me. Yeah.

So I'd say reminding myself the pants.

Okay, but how long does it take for Evans to come out? Because here's the deal. You're hilarious and you're fun and you're funny. Those are all the same thing. But. But it can take a while for you. It can take a while for me.

Yes.

So what do you need for her to come out?

I need to remind myself. It's even reminding yourself before you go and looking at yourself in the mirror and say, hey, you're loved. You got this. You're great, you're smart. And just holding. Doing that little superwoman pose in the bathroom. I have done that in real life.

Oh, yeah.

Tons of things.

Yeah, I have, too. Because what happens is our body wants to close. Like, we want to hunch forward and close down. And that actual feeling is telling your body that you need to be safe. Like, I don't know. I noticed. I noticed so much like the body language thing, which you probably watched. Was it Amy?

Amy Cuddy.

Amy Cuddy's thing where it's like, her hand will. If your hand is by your neck, too. I do that all the time. It's like a feeling of safety.

Yes.

Or crossing your arms over your body or your hands in front of, you know, like, your pelvic area. Like, safety. So many times when I'm in a situation like that, I'm like, face your feet towards them, because I'll notice my feet will be facing away. Like, I don't want to be here. So it's like actually telling them, like, not, I'm not comfortable. So if I'm telling them I'm not comfortable, I'm telling me I'm not comfortable. I'm like, stand with your feet facing them. Put your shoulders back. Like, take a few breaths, and just start getting used to not feeling Good. But staying, that's important. I do it all the time. I don't feel good, but I'm staying here. Unless it's, like, someone you really don't want to be around. But then that's up to you to make that boundary and be like, but I have to pee again. Yeah.

And then just leave.

I need another cocktail. And they're like, you have two in your hands. I'm like, I have a third hand.

It's for my third hand.

I don't know what your third hand is. Oh, okay. All right. So. All right. So if you know what a third hand is, let us know. Just kidding. Don't. Please don't. And I think so. We did review of the week.

We did review the week.

Drop it. Like it's on GoT.

Remember, the review of the week was from Chrissy Lulu.

Oh, Chrissy Lulu, we're sending you a mug mug. That's right.

A mug mug for Chrissy Lulu.

All right, you guys, we are so grateful that you're here, and until next time, you're happy. Oh, my God. We did so good. That was awful. Bye, guys. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to I iTunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye.

Bye.