287: Q&A Day: How to Quiet the Negative Self Talk

When you get jealous, the most beautiful thing you can do is say, I'm getting jealous because this is actually a gift that I have inside of me that I'm recognizing in someone else that has not yet been lived out. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Hi everyone and welcome back to the podcast. It is Q and a day, which means we are going to be answering all of the questions that you have sent in over the past week. This also means that we are going to give a shout out to the review of the week and send you a gift. It really doesn't get better than that. So I have my amazing co host for Q and a day with me, Evans. Hello. Hi. So first of all, I just want to give you an update that we are going on book tour next week. So the whole team, me, you, Chris, Nick, we're going on tour and we get to be in a room with you. So if you are in Austin, Chicago or Atlanta, or if you have friends there or a tribe there, please let them know because sometimes our ads and our stuff does not get to them and our emails don't get to them. So we would love to have you in the room. We still have some tickets left, but they are selling fast. So go to a tribe called bliss.com to get your tickets. And I'm telling you, Evans, how fun is the book tour?

It's ridiculous fun. You get to meet so many wonderful women.

Yeah. You can't have anything else. Build a bear and make a friend. Build a bear.

Don't worry about coming by yourself because you're not going to leave by yourself.

No, you can build a bear. I don't know, I'm not sure. But for real, you must be in the room. It's probably one of the most fun events that you'll go to. It's really quick. It's like an amazing ladies night. We do an hour talk, we do some Q and A and then we get to do a meet and greet. So pictures with everyone, get your book signed. And the conversation is so much fun because it's legitimately all of the struggles of relationships, but also how funny we are about connecting with each other. Like, we all crave connection, but we're all a bunch of weirdos.

Yep.

We're afraid.

We're afraid to connect. We're afraid to go to the next level. And we wonder why we don't have the connections that we want. So we break it down in that room and people leave. Like, these women are like best friends now. It's so crazy to see.

They are on fire.

It's awesome. So if you guys are still looking for your like minded tribe or you feel like you don't have people in your city who you deeply connect with, I'm telling you, when we were in Toronto, a bunch of women came up to us and they were like, we didn't know that all of these women were in Toronto. 350 women later with a waiting list and they were like, oh my God. These are like all of the women I've been dying to meet. So come, we'll make sure that we get them out into the same room. You can connect with them and join us in your city. So Atlanta, Chicago, in Austin. You don't want to miss it. It's going to be an incredible evening. It will be so worth you coming out. So a tribe called bliss.com to get your ticket.

All right, so why don't we get.

Started with the review of the week? You know what's so cool is we don't even plan that. We just look at each other and it happens. Okay, who is the review of the week from?

Oh, my gosh, it's from Lindsay LA and she says earn your happy is one of my favorite podcasts. Lori speaks from her heart and experience and wants everyone she reaches to earn their happy. From amazing speakers to a quick five minute quote, this podcast fuels my creativity and grit to do more with my life. Thank you, Lori, for all this amazing content. Content. If you have not listened, what are you waiting for?

Lindsay L. A. We love you.

Thank you.

Lindsay Law.

Lindsay Law.

Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan. Do you know that she went into. She has a club in Mykonos. So that's what she's doing now. She owns a club in Mykonos and does a lot of other things.

That's exciting for her.

Yeah, it is. I actually got a little glimpse of her when we were there. It's pretty awesome.

She's probably not as cool as Lindsay Law, though.

No, Lindsay Law is way cooler. So we are going to send you a gift. What are we gonna send?

We're gonna send a mug.

A mug mug.

A mug mug.

And earn your happy mug is coming your way. Thank you so much for that review. Reviews mean the world. So you guys make sure that you go and review and we'll give you a shout out on the podcast if you are the review of the week. Feel free to be funny in your review. I appreciate it. If not, don't be funny. Be you.

Be you.

Be you.

Be yourself.

Be you.

Sounds like P you. P you.

P you.

It's the most powerful thing you can do.

Smells.

Okay, so let's get to questions.

Ready for the first one?

I am.

Okay. This is from Ally Marshall. Ally, I don't have your Instagram handle on here, else I'd shout it out, but Ali asks, have you ever faced problems with jealousy? And if you have, do you have any tips on how to overcome those feelings? This is Allie, Ally Marshall.

Allie. I. I mean, I'm a human, so everybody, I believe, no matter what they're saying, has feelings of jealousy. And I think that jealousy can actually be a really beautiful, motivating thing if you understand how to shift it. I absolutely can feel jealous of even my closest friends. And, you know, a lot of the conversations that come up, even with my close friends, is, yeah, I'm feeling jealous because. But I turned this into inspiration for me. Jealousy is simply coming from a place of knowing that you have that thing in you that they're doing. You have that drive or you have that gift or you have that vision that is yours. And the only reason that you're feeling jealous is because it's also yours to fulfill. But you haven't quite acted on it yet or created your path or your plan. So what happens is when you get jealous, the most beautiful thing you can do is say, I'm getting jealous because this is actually a gift that I have inside of me that I'm recognizing in someone else that has not yet been lived out. So right away I take jealousy and turn it into inspiration and like a little gift for myself, knowing that this is something that's in my life and on my path. So I look at jealousy and I'm like, oh, I'm only jealous because this is mirroring back to me something that is in me and that I wanna do. So what I do is I take that and I thank the person who's making me jealous. I literally Am like, oh my God, thank you so much for showing me what's possible. Because that jealousy place is just. It's a powerless place. Have you ever been there? Absolutely. What do you do? What's your tools?

Oh, man, I wish I was as wise as you, that I couldn't. But it's hard. You just, I think, shifting your mindset into saying, hey, I recognize that I'm jealous of this person. Why is that?

Just like you said, it's usually because.

You know, you can be out there doing the same dang thing.

You know what? That's a really powerful question is just to write down when you're jealous. Why am I jealous? Like, right? And write and write until you're like, huh, it's because I really want to be doing it. But then turning into saying, thank you for showing me what's possible. Because if that person was not doing it, you might not do the thing.

Exactly.

That's really crazy. You might not do it.

You might not do it.

You might not.

And then you can root for them and say, thank you. You go do your thing. I'm gonna do my thing.

Yeah. Turn it into a thank you. And inspiration. Great question. Thank you so much for sending that question in. You are amazing. Thank you. And I know that you will be able to get inspired by the people you're jealous of right now. How cool is that? I love that.

All right, the next question is from Genevieve Larose.

Oh, I love that name.

It's a beautiful name. She is from the UK and she says she's a UK based listener. Thank you. Right?

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you. She says, do you know of any UK based entrepreneurs or businesses for people like me to check out?

Yes, yes and yes. Okay, so we have got Mel Wells who has been on the podcast. You will absolutely love her. She also has events in the uk so check her out for sure. She has, I believe it's the Goddess Revolution book, Mel Wells, but she's been on my podcast so look for her for sure. And she has an event, I believe in summer of June or July this next, this upcoming year. So big, big, big event where she's going to have a ton of influencers come and speak. See, PETA Kelly just moved to, I believe London. So she's over there now. And then Rebecca Campbell who wrote Light is the New Black and also Rise Sister Rise is over there. So there's so. And those are women who are just exploding like they have such beautiful workout in the world. So you can go and check all of them out. Yeah, I want to go over there. Me too. Yeah, let's do it.

Go visit Megan Markle.

I don't know who that is.

She's married to Prince Harry.

Oh, my God. What am I. I know her. Are you kidding me? She's been on Us Weekly for about, I don't know, a year. Please, let's edit that out. Just kidding. I'll leave it in.

Let's do another question.

Let's do it.

Amy Wilford, she writes, oh, she met you at the summit of greatness, which was really cool.

That was so fun.

And she says, I love you, your content, your authenticity. But if you claim anyone else's content as your own, whose would it be and why?

Oh, my gosh. This is such a good question. And so nice to meet you. And summoned a greatness. Was awesome. If you've not been in Lewis how's event, it was awesome. Okay, who's content? What? I claim. Here's the weird thing about this. For different phases of your life, like, you love different people at different times. So this question shifts every six months. For me. I would have claimed, I'm sure I would have claimed Gabby Bernstein's work a few years ago because I was just obsessed with it then I was, like, obsessed with Danielle laporte because her words are like decadent meals. Like, every single sentence. I'm like, ooh, that was amazing. I feel like I'm at a buffet line. But a good buffet, we don't want. We don't want that.

No bad buffets.

No, no, no Golden Corral or anything like that. This was like, good stuff. And right now, like, Rebecca Campbell, amazing content right now. Rachel Hollis. I'm telling you, I'm reading her new book. So good. Okay, so, girl, wash your face. Amazing. And also now, girl, stop apologizing. I'm telling you, I'm like, oh, my God, it's like eating macaroons.

Oh, man. Sign me up. Say no more.

I was like, did I just eat macaroons or did I have my morning reading?

Not sure.

So that was a long winded question, but I am not short winded. So let's move on to the next one. But amazing, amazing question. Yes. Loved it.

And she's at Amy Wilford15 on Instagram.

Amy Wilford15.

We love you, Amy. Next question is from Alexandra Track, who volunteered in Toronto.

Oh, my gosh. Alexandra Track.

What?

And on Instagram, she's attractive.

That's so cute.

That is awesome.

Good play on words, sister.

That is so good. Okay, her serious question is, it's a two part question.

Okay.

First is, what are some things I can do to put my negative self talk, AKA my inner. You know what, talker on mute.

That's your inner talk? It is.

I don't know if we're allowed to say it.

I can say shit. Okay, how do we put it on mute? Let's see. Okay. Inner self talker on mute. Here's the thing. It's never going to go on mute. She's just not. She's going to. You're gonna catch her and then you're gonna put masking tape on her mouth. But you can. She peels it off, starts again, and then you do it again. So I think it's the acknowledgement that it's always there and it's. Sometimes it's helpful. Like you can say, I see you, I acknowledge you. So that's what I do all the time. I'm like, I hear you, I acknowledge you. But that's not. I don't need this anymore. So insert new thought. Because every single day it's literally like I go to sleep and wake up with spiritual amnesia and have to start all over again. Oh, spiritual amnesia.

Right. I know.

I want to make a video about it. Like 50 first dates. Yeah. Like how every single day it's like I have to put in a VHS tape about what makes me happy, what makes me feel good and what I will and won't listen to. So for this, it's the same exact thing. It's like every single day I'm like, okay, that's not serving me. That thought process is not serving me. Insert new thought. Insert new voice.

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So I think sometimes we can get stuck in the thought that that's gonna go away. And a lot of people get stuck with being really upset that it's still there. Like, oh, how can I do this if this is still here? And they cling into that thought and they just like listen to the voice and they go down that rabbit hole. But it's all about catching it and being like, okay, not serving me anymore. But what thought would move me forward or what is one thing I can do to move forward? Because at the end of the day, we're all just. I think we're just afraid of criticism. That's it. We're just afraid of someone judging us or making fun of us. And I will tell you that for those cases, it's really about, at the end of your life, are you going to be happy that you didn't live out the things that you wanted to do? Because you were just worried about someone's opinion who wasn't willing to live their own life? Because you're never going to get criticism from the people doing more than you or from the people who are living their dreams ever. And those are the only people that matter to me. Yes. So silencing your inner mean girl is. She'll always be there, but you can silence her quicker.

Absolutely. And you wouldn't talk to your friends like that. Why? Are you gonna talk to yourself like that?

Yeah, no, it's really painful.

That's just harsh.

Yeah, it is harsh. And you won't go anywhere. So if criticism is the fastest way to shut someone down, it's the fastest way to shut yourself down. So I get that it might be keeping you safe, but it's keeping you really unhappy. And we know that amazing quote that I'm obsessed with right now that's like replaying in my mind is life is hard for two reasons. You're either leaving your comfort zone or you're staying in it. And always pick the one with the reward on the other side. Like literally this is. I'm just living this quote every single day because life is hard. That's the end of the story. And you can either choose the hard with the reward or not so amazing question. I love that question.

She has a not so serious question too.

Ready for it.

She wants to know where you find your incredible 70s inspired clothing.

Oh my God. Well, that's show me your moomoo. And this is not an ad.

Nope.

So at show me your moomoo. I don't know, guys. It is like The I'm obsessed with 70s clothes. I think if I came back again another era, it would be in the 70s and I would be a singer.

You absolutely should be.

Yeah, well, I'll. I'll work on that next lifetime.

Okay.

I'll call one of your shows, which, by the way, and we'll do a quick little update because I think that was the last question. Right. Last question. So, quick update. Evans and I just spent seven days on a boat together. On the Oprah cruise, which was crazy. Crazy and amazing. So we did the Oprah Magazine cruise for seven days, which we thought that we were gonna have separate beds, but we actually shared a king bed. So I asked her when she came into work today if she missed me last night because we did not get to cuddle on a boat that was rocking all night long.

Yep.

Yeah, Legit. I was rocking all day yesterday.

Me too.

Yeah.

But how great was your workshop that you led and you got to leave? You had a great talk on Monday.

It was really awesome. So I got to do a talk on the seven agreements, which is all about what I'm gonna talk about on the book tour again. Yes. So that was really, really beautiful, being able to talk to everybody in that awesome theater. Like, I've always wanted to speak on a theater stage. And I got to some beautiful theater stage, and then we did a. Which was really incredible for empowering connections. And we had a bunch of people in groups of four doing a breakout on the ship. So it was a really awesome thing to work with the Oprah magazine team and also be on a cruise for seven days with Evans. Seven days with Evans, everyone.

But do you remember there were also a lot of men in your audience that wasn't that wonderful to see them?

There were so many men in the audience, and they were. They were into it just as much as the women, if not more so. This is so important for you guys to know. Like, when you do this work and you live this work and you show up in this work and just being you and stepping into your light, I really believe that that's when the men really show up as well. And they feel it. They feel cool to see. Yeah, it was so cool.

Congratulations.

Thank you. I'm a bit, like, just freaking out about it still.

Remember you said you put that on your vision board.

It's on my vision board. Yeah. It wasn't on a ship. But you know what? That was a little added bonus.

Little added bonus being that Caribbean.

Yeah, for sure. Well, you guys, thank you so much for all of your questions and write in your reviews. You could get a shout out next week. Send us your questions. We'll give you a shout out on that. And until next time, everyone, earn your happy from Evans and I.

Yes. Bye.

Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing. And we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you think feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys.

Bye bye.