297: You Will Never Be Enough for Who You're Not Enough For

If you're already not enough for them, if you've never been enough for them, you will never be enough for them. So stop trying to be enough for the people that you'll never be enough for. You will exhaust yourself.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you.

Bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration and if you have not gotten your ticket for the bliss project yet 2019, go to the bliss project.info because you guys, this is gonna be so much fun. We are going to have a blast. If you are ready for total immersion into really up level your next year and let go of what's not serving you and really change the stories that are in your head and have the group of people who are ready to support connect with you. This is the room that you want to be in. You could literally make massive life changes in one weekend. You guys, I started this event because I took everything that has ever made a massive change in my life and I put it into one weekend. So if you want to know what has completely changed the direction of my life, it's all of the things that we will be doing in this room. So go grab your ticket now@the blissproject.com the bliss project.info and you can join us first weekend in March in Newport Beach, California. And this time of year is not always an easy time of year to stay motivated, to keep on your goals and to feel like you are making things happen. And I want to just say right now, with the holiday season and your routine being so different than usual, I want you right now, wherever you are, just to take a minute and get grounded and just take a breath because this time of year requires so much grace. And I also want you to look at what you're doing and appreciate the difference in your normal routine because a different routine and different things going on and different people creates contrast. And contrast makes us appreciate. Appreciate either what we normally have or the ability to create change in our life, really looking at how far we've come and how we're able to kind of let go or dance within the expectations that we used to have. So if you're in a place right now where you have really high expectations and standards for your life, holidays might throw that for a loop. But what I want to. What I want to say to you is that the more grace that you can have with yourself and let go go of those expectations and just say, you know what? I'm going to be really present and I'm just going to stay in motion. Like, if your workouts cannot look the same as they normally do, right. Mine do not look the same as they normally do. Just stay in motion. If work does not look the same as it normally does, just stay in motion and let that be okay. Like, the grace and the difference in your typical schedule and routine is actually a good thing for you. You need a bit of a. You need a bit of a perspective shift and just be grateful for what's going on right now. And by letting go of those expectations, you can actually show up and enjoy the present moment. Because if you're holding onto those expectations and you're like, with your family or you're doing something totally different, or you're doing your holiday shopping or you're getting ready for stuff and you're thinking, why do I have to do this? Oh, this is throwing me off from this or that. You're actually completely missing out on the magic of what's going on this season or in your life. So if it's going to be happening anyway, be present for it and seek the joy in every moment. Just like we say with everything, where is the bliss in this? Right. My friend Lindsay always says that. Where is the bliss in this moment? Even if it's different, even if it's not what you wanted, where's the bliss in this moment? And what I want to talk to you today about is expectations. And I know so many of us have expectations for ourselves. And this is a topic that I could literally. I could probably just make a podcast on expectations, because the last time you were disappointed was probably because you had an expectation on yourself or someone else. And what I want to flip it today, though, because I want to talk about the expectations that people have on us because you guys are pretty much all go getters. Most of you who are listening to this podcast want to make your life better. Whether that's your health, whether that's your business, whether that's how you're showing up in the world, whether that's the impact that you're making on the world, you want to show up bigger and better, and you want to reach your highest potential. So that means really high expectations on yourself. But there's something else that's actually robbing us of our energy, and that is feeling and feeling like we have to live up to the expectations that other people have on us. So something that was really brought to light many, many times on this last round of the book tour was that people feel like as they move into this next level of their lives and themselves and reaching their goals, they feel this, like, nagging expectation that other people from their past had on them to keep showing up the way they used to show up. So whether that's, oh, you're not the same person, or you don't spend as much time with us, or you don't have enough time for us, or when is it ever going to be enough, or are you going to stop? Or what is that? You know, you keep striving for your goals in this business, like, when are you ever going to be happy? These expectations of how you were supposed to show up in their lives. And I want to free you for a moment because we've talked a lot about the permission to offend other people, which can be really powerful, like giving yourself permission to offend other people, Right? But I want to give you the permission to disappoint people. Because just because someone has an expectation on you does not mean that it's the expectation that you are meant to fulfill. So Bruce Lee has a quote. I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you're not in this world to live up to mine. And another quote from William Shakespeare, expectation is the root of all heartache. So I also believe that that's believing that you have to fulfill the expectation of what your family thinks you should be or what your friends think you should be in order. Listen to me right now when I say, in order to fulfill your life's purpose, you will have to disappoint people, and you will have to complete that loop on your own. And let that be okay, because here is what I want to drive home. You will never be enough for who you're not enough for. Right? You will never be enough for who you are. Not enough for. For those people who keep saying, this is not enough. This isn't enough time. Why can't you Be a better friend. Why can't you text more? Why don't you call more? You're never going to fulfill that for them because that's an expectation on you that's so high, that's outside of what you can do. That's not the way that you show up in the world. If you're already not enough for them, if you've never been enough for them, you will never be enough for them. So stop trying to be enough for the people that you'll never be enough for. You will exhaust yourself. You will exhaust yourself. So here is the freedom right now. Give yourself the freedom to disappoint them and let that be okay. And let go of that thought and just keep living into your highest potential and where you know you're supposed to be. Because I want the friends and the people in my life, those people who are going to be the closest to me. And in that inner circle, I'm not going to have to show up a certain way for them all of the time because I'm going to disappoint them at one point or another if they can't let go of an expectation. Because none of us are perfect and we can't always show up 100%, right? Sometimes I'm going to show up 150% for my friends, and other times in my life, I can only show up, like, 30% because there's so many other things going on. So I want the people in my life who understand that. I'm not saying get rid of people. I'm saying let go of thinking that you have to show up in a certain way and let it be okay if you disappoint them. Like, sometimes you have to have this conversation and just say, you know, I'm not. I know that this is what you expect or that this is what you want, but I'm not able to show up in that way anymore because I have this going on or I'm really working on this project because this is where I know. I'm sorry. Supposed to be. So could you maybe help me with understanding how I can show up for you in a different way that still feels good for you? And if they give you something that feels good and you guys can really talk about and you feel like you can come to an understanding and agreement, awesome. If they cannot let go of the expectation, now it's your turn and your work to say, I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to be able to show up in that way because this is where I'm at now and this is where my life is and this is where I'm putting my energy energy toward I love you, I adore you if that's the case. But this is where my energy is going at the moment. So the way that I can show up is different. So whatever happens after that, that's what happens. And I think where people get disconnected and I'm talking about this more and more now where people get disconnected and they they start to not understand this is they want it to end well.

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Sorry to laugh, but it's just the truth. Like, things are not going to end the way that you want them to now. They'll end well in the future. But in the beginning, it's kind of like, okay, well, that's, it's, you know, I'm not setting this boundary. I'm not having this conversation or I can't. I'm wearing myself ragged trying to live up to these expectations because you are so afraid of what happens on the other side of your no. Or of your boundary or of. Of letting disappointment be okay because you have to deal with the pain or the things that these people say on the other side of that boundary. Right on the other side of saying how you actually feel and how you can show up. And there will be a time period where people will talk and they will be disappointed and you will feel hurt and it's gonna suck so bad. And then all of a sudden your life will start to shift and you'll have the people in it. You'll have people in your life who are showing up in a completely different way, who don't have the expectations because you Te how to treat you. So if you keep on feeling like you have to live up to people's expectations, you're going to attract a whole lot of people with high expectations who expect you to do that. If you start showing up as fully you and giving what you can give and letting go of all the rest, you'll start attracting people and choosing people who want you for who you are. Exactly. Who you are. And that is going to be how it all starts to shift, is letting it be okay that you're disappointing people and making peace with it and showing up the best way that you can, but moving forward with your goals with intentions of the highest good. You're not setting out to hurt people. You're setting out to take care of you. Right? You're setting out to take care of you. Just like when people say no, no is a self love practice. No makes room for your yes, right? Saying no to others makes room for your yeses in your life. So you guys, moving through this holiday season, moving through this next year, I want you to remember that the only expectations that you should really be trying to fulfill are the ones that you have on your life and also so obviously bringing a lot of grace around those as well. But letting go of the expectations that other people have on you and showing up in the way that feels really good for you and letting it be okay to disappoint people, because I think we all need permission to let it be okay to disappoint people. It's all right. It's all right. It's partially there. It's not partially. It's their job to make themselves happy, not yours. So, you guys, I hope that this episode gave you a little bit of peace throughout this season right now that you are able to kind of release some of those things that were bogging you down. And yeah, I just want to send you so much love in this holiday season because I'm. I'm feeling so incredibly grateful for everybody who has been listening, who's just been helping this podcast grow. And until next time, earn your happy, everyone. Bye. Bye.

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