298: Managing Family, Triggers, and Holiday Stress with Caty Pasternak

I think that a lot of us experience that during the holidays. There's just a lot of energy circulating and when we're around people that knew us from the past, we're getting triggered to be our old self. So there's a lot going on. So I think being kind and gentle with ourselves and being prepared for things is the best way to go.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur, entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show everyone. I'm so grateful that you are back for another episode and if you have not yet gotten your Bliss project ticket, I hope that you join me for my annual event in Newport Beach, California. It is the first weekend in March in 2019. It's coming up really quickly. We are over 80% sold out. So I would love for you to join us in that room. If you are ready to create the life that you know you are meant to be living, you need to be in this room. And what I always tell everyone is get in the room. If you have the urge or the desire or even the inkling or curiosity, it's probably because what you need is in there and what you need can be created in there. So go to the blissproject.info and you can join your like minded tribe who can help you get to all of the places that you want to go. And truly it's all about connection and fun and creating the life of your dreams. And on today's episode, I have Katie Pasternak who is a women's leadership coach. She helps leaders embody new levels of evolution so they can create lives that turn their soul on. Katie provides strategy and support to stretch women out of their comfort zones so they can earn more love deeper and experience magic on the regular. Through her private membership, Mastermind programs, iTunes, podcast and YouTube channel, she's inspiring women to take messy, sexy action every single day so they can amp up their growth game and have fun while doing it. And you guys, I Loved this about Katie. I was immediately attracted to just how real and open and vulnerable she is. And you'll see just by her super contagious laugh, just how authentic she is. And on our podcast, we talked all about the holidays. So this is a super timely podcast, you guys, because we will be chatting all about going home for the holidays, how you can prepare yourself for that, how to really deal with all of the triggers around food or booze or thinking that people are going to show up a certain way. We talk about creating new traditions. We talk about taking time for you. We talk about having the tough conversations. So if you are going home for the holidays or you're preparing for holiday parties or just really wanting to kind of stay in tune with yourself throughout this month and get the most joy out of this time of year, you don't want to miss this podcast. And it doesn't matter if you're tuning into this during the holidays or not. These are all practices that if you're thrown into any situation that is not your normal routine, these tips are absolutely going to help you. I loved, loved, loved this conversation and this connection with Katie. So let's get started. Katie, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you so much, Laurie. I'm excited.

So I would love for everyone who maybe has not met you yet or heard of you yet, if you could just kind of share what it is that you love to do, what you do and how you got started.

Yes. So it's definitely evolved since I began, but right now, the biggest interest for me is leadership development for spiritual seekers. And that kind of intertwines a lot of things and personal growth, but also spiritual growth. And, you know, it encompasses all the things that we love so much, from self love to spirituality to manifestation to all the things. But I've just found that the leadership development is something that feels just so true to my core and my purpose work. So that's what's really exciting for me right now.

So was that always something that you wanted to do or did that? Totally. I know you just said that it pretty much evolved, but at what point did you realize that you really wanted to work with leaders and not just people who were maybe kind of at the beginning of their path?

Yeah. So I think it naturally came as I developed my own leadership. And I noticed that when I started coaching and doing like, life coaching in the beginning, it was always kind of that inherent gift. I had to just activate that personal leadership within someone. And it Just started to be reflected back to me, the people that I was attracting into my space and what they were really seeking from me. Although I was trying to do all the things, it was very clear that leadership thread really was in there. So it kind of just happened organically.

I always think that's so crazy and one of the. In the most beautiful ways, because I think one of the things that a lot of people who listen to this podcast are the places that they're at is that they want to go to that next level or that next place that they're being called to. But that leap into that next part of you can always be kind of a scary thing, because did you ever have that point in your life where or when you were deciding that you wanted to start training leaders, that you were like, wait, who am I to train these people? Like, who am I to train these leaders?

Yes, all the time. And it's like, you're always going daily.

Like, daily for me, yes.

I'm, like, going through a very similar process, like, yet again, of just another evolution of changing gears and changing direction and, like, reevaluating everything. And it's just a piece of the game. I think that's the most beautiful and destructive oftentimes part of entrepreneurship, especially when you're in it for actual soul alignment. You have to keep reevaluating, like, where are you at in your evolution? And not staying stagnant because you thought you had to be something and just really leaning into what's coming next for you.

Oh, my God, I love that you just said that. Because I think so often I get questions that are like, okay, well, when do you stop being afraid? Or, oh, my God, I'm so afraid. That's why I'm not doing it. I'm like, but what? I'm so afraid. That's why I do it. Like, I go and I search for the things that I'm afraid of, and I know that that's where I need to go next, because on the other side of me, not finding those things is almost like when you stay in that comfort place for too long, all of a sudden, it's like a very uncomfortable place. So it's that dance between being in the comfort but also seeking the discomfort often enough that you keep evolving.

Yes, 100%.

Oh, man. So take me back even further than that. So what got you even started into this path of what you're doing now, like, way back? Because I know it's typically people's own transformation that makes them want to help others transform.

Yeah, totally. So, like everyone else, I kind of hit rock bottom in my own life, and I had just a lot of different body image issues and eating disorders and just the whole gamut. Did the whole bodybuilding thing. It's actually interesting talking about this now because I've notice that theme in so many powerful women in this industry. In particular, how it's like, wow, we all struggled a lot with, like, body image and, like, fitness and all these things. We're just very intense women in that regard. So that was kind of my experience too. And, you know, I really just came to a rock bottom after, you know, dealing with a lot of anorexia and losing my job because I was so obsessed with fitness and losing a relationship. Just hitting rock bottom, being completely anxious, depressed, couldn't stop eating my feelings. After that point in recovery, it was just. It was so. So dark. So I think I had to come to this space. And you notice one day I found a book on meditation. It was one of those godsent things, and it just kind of opened up the door for me for spirituality and personal growth, which was not in my space or my life at all before that point, but it just started unfolding from there, and I became obsessed with it and just totally aligned with it. And it's. It's been a beautiful, rocky ride.

Oh, I know we share so many of those similar stories. And isn't podcasting just the most beautiful thing where you start interviewing people and you're like, wow, we are all the same. But there's that point, and I want to know if this. If it happened for you, because I think there's some people who might be at rock bottom right now, but they are. I think there's a door that can be opened, perhaps by even just praying or asking or being willing. Like, I remember my rock bottom point. I feel like it started to. You start to get the an when you actually surrender and ask. It was like this point where I just. I couldn't do it anymore, alone, on my own. And I remember, I think the transition point started when I was like, I need help. Like, God, anyone, anything, please. Like, I'm willing. I'm open to see, like, a different path or a different way of being. And it wasn't until that, like, complete surrender point that the rock bottom actually started to, you know, go up instead of keep going down. Did you have that point for you?

Yes, 100%. And it's something that I keep bringing myself back to. And now living a life with more surrender is the most beautiful thing ever. And it's almost ironic because you have that moment of, like, surrender. I can't do this rock bottom. And then you come into personal development where it's like you're in control of everything. You can change anything that you want. So it's like you kind of forget. And then you shame yourself if you're not doing a good enough job or if the change isn't working or whatever. And then you remember what got you to that little breaking point in the beginning. And you're like, oh, yeah, I surrendered to a greater power. And you just keep reminding yourself of that. At least that's how it's been for me. I'm just like, I'm done really trying to change and fix things because my human self is by no means as capable as that. Great.

Yes, I'm right there. It's so funny. As, like, the new year is coming or quickly approaching, I'm kind of watching myself go back to, you know, wanting. Wanting to push or figure it out or have all these plans. And then the other part of me is like, okay, well, how about you just kind of let go and see what's working and see what feels good and what's flowing. But there's so many parts of me that want to go back to that. That part that is like, okay, let's plan it. Let's get it all done, and let's push and let's go for this. And I'm like, okay, that's like, not working for me anymore. But it's because it does kind of.

Work up to a point.

And I do think there's value within it. It's just the back, and it's like the back and forth of both of those things totally.

And I believe we have to build the body in order to surrender at a greater level. It's like, we need to know that we are capable of getting things done by ourselves if we actually want to surrender to see what might happen. So I totally agree. There's a period where we need to be high performers, be high achievers, get it done, prove to ourselves that we can trust ourselves and actually be successful. And then it's like, cool. Now let's see what Flo wants to do with this body, with this vessel that I've built.

I love that you shared that so much because I think that we can get lost in the, you know, find the flow, follow the flow. And people are like, I don't even know, like, where. I don't even know what river I'm on. Like, I don't even understand until you're like, you know what I'm saying? It's so. I think that's so important because I. Looking back over my. I feel like for a long time there was this place where a lot of people were saying just, you know, oh, stop the hustle and stop the work and go into the ease and the flow. And I'm like, but without all of those things that I built up and all of those things that I did, I would never actually understand what this even. What this conversation even means. So I. I don't know. I think that's such an important, Important thing to point out is that sometimes you have to do all of that work to be able to flow on top of it. So. Okay, so something that I'm really excited to chat with you about today because I was just over all of your amazing content. And the holidays are upon us right now, and I already feel them. We've already gone through Thanksgiving, and I know that for a lot of people, the holidays can be like, one of the most, like, chaotic, stressful times ever. Especially people who are maybe really diving into their spiritual practice or really evolving or really wanting to go after the things in their life that they want to create. So I know that you recently have been having this conversation. Conversation as well, and I just want to know how your kind of evolution through the holidays with your family and your life has been over even the last, like, five years.

Yes. Yes. So I think in the beginning it was just trigger central, and I didn't really know how to operate. It exists within that container, especially when alcohol got involved or like, certain foods. When I was going through this period of just meditating and being really, you know, clean with everything that I was intaking and working to change the way that I related to all these things, it was just. It was, like, really overwhelming and so, so difficult. And as I continued going, it got easier. But I noticed the tendency to want to change things come up, and just seeing the worst in people and being like, why can't they be at this level and trying to get everyone else on the same page that I was.

After my life in the beginning.

Not effective.

This is what's wrong with you. And because I've suddenly changed this year, you are totally wrong.

Totally. Yeah. And you're just, like, looking at everyone. So you're like, oh, I bet they have this trauma going on and look at this limiting story that they're telling, and it's just like, really, really exhausting and actually creates more disconnection. So I think from that point I just moved into a place of more acceptance and grace and really allowing my human self to just have fun and enjoy the experience and kind of navigating how to take care of myself and stay energetically nourished during the holidays. And I don't like to project that the holidays are like negative and stressful, but the truth is they can be and it's normal. I think that a lot of us experience that during the holidays. There's just a lot of energy circulating and when we're around people that knew us from the past, we're getting triggered to be our old self. So there's a lot going on. So I think being kind and gentle with ourselves and being prepared for things is the best way to go.

With the holidays and the new year coming, you probably are looking around your house thinking that you would love to upgrade and freshen up your environment. And there is no easier way to do that than with your window treatments. Nobody covers windows better than blinds.com blinds.com brings your space to life in your way. They have free design help. Other retailers may claim to have experts, but blinds.com has spent nearly 30 years building an award winning team of over 100 design consultants that are ready to help you create your dream space. Always convenient, always tailored to you. Three ways to shop 1. Perfect fit Whether you want a DIY, have it all done for you or you're somewhere in between, choose what works for you and rest easy knowing the fit is guaranteed. So the holidays come fast, you guys, and you can freshen up your window treatments fast as well. And unlike some competitors, the price you see is the price you pay. No hidden fees and there's zero pressure. From blackout in motorized options to classic shutters. Blinds.com has window treatments for every room, style and budget, even shades for your outdoor space. The Black Friday deals@blinds.com are going strong all month long, so don't miss your chance to save big. And as always, our listeners still get $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code earn at checkout. Limited time offer rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. 2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You've become the leader. That idea that has been eating at you forever that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started, you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built into your can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the Same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy. That's shopify.com happy. Hear your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side.

I love that. So we're gonna go over some of the points that you mentioned, but I love that you had said triggered to be your old self. And I know that through the holidays it's so. It's funny because I am more and more every single year enjoying them more and more because I'm understanding what that actually looks like for myself and my family and building different traditions and taking those boundaries in that space. But there are parts of me that can still go back. I love that you said be gentle with yourself because I do find once in a while I go back to being the old me. And. And like, that's okay. Sometimes that's okay. And sometimes, honestly, I've had moments where I'm like, okay, here's the deal. The path of least resistance right now is just the way it's going to be. Like I am just gonna let this go in this way and let this unfold and I'm gonna let it be okay that maybe I'm eating or drinking way more or maybe maybe I'm feeling triggered in this way or whatever that looks like. But it's just like surrendering to feeling everything that's there for me to feel. So before we get into that though, one of my favorite quotes, which you've probably heard this and it's probably a favorite of yours around the holidays too, is a Ram Dass quote that says, you think you're enlightened. Try going home to visit your family for a week. I'm like, oh my God, isn't that so the truth? Sometimes during the holidays you're like, no, I'm good. I have all these practices and these boundaries. I've created this amazing life. And then you go home and you're like, it's all gone. So you say the holidays are the Olympics of personal growth.

Yes.

Like just share, just, just expand. For me, they are.

They so are. We all know that feeling when it's like you're amping yourself up. I've done this so many times where I will be so diligent with like self care meditation, pumping myself up. This is gonna be the best holiday ever. And then it's like within the hour that you get home, you're just like bombarded with so many different things coming at you. And a lot of it is so energetic. We don't even have context for why we're feeling this way. It's like, well, no one, maybe no one said anything to you. Maybe nothing has really happened. But it's like the energy of all these people. When you become so much more energetically sensitive through your own spiritual work, it's kind of like, it's just a lot to process. And I think for people with, especially with food and alcohol and substances, when those things get involved, that brings up a whole nother layer of trigger and influence and that brings out like deep dark shadows that are underneath. It's just, it gets really intense. And I think, I love what you said earlier too, about just accepting that this might be happening. And that's okay. Your shadow is never going to disappear. You just have to turn around and give it a hug and just kind of like love that into peace. Because I think what we all want to feel is peace, not perfection. We don't. Like, I don't want to go on the holidays, but like, I did so great with my two drink minimum and I didn't eat any sugar and I was totally loving towards everyone. I would rather be like, wow, that was a really great time. And I felt so at peace with myself. So I think that's where the work is so good.

Okay, so you talked a lot about, you know, just even energetically, that's where we can start to be. That's just where it starts. So what do you do right now? Or what would you recommend for people who are already wanting to prepare a bit for feeling different or going in with a different approach right now to going home or going back or going back and seeing all of the old faces and going back to the old routine. So what's something that you do to kind of prepare yourself energetically to help with that?

Yeah, so for me, it's keeping up with general self care practices like exercising, meditation, journaling, whatever it is that I need to do to keep myself in alignment. And then I'm really intentional about doing things. In the experience of the holidays, if it's like an event, oftentimes I need to actually like vacate the room and breathe. It just needs to happen. I just need to go and step outside or just do a quick circular breath for a minute just to clear that energy. That's been really big for me. And also just voicing some of it to people that I know might not be as conscious as I am, but just to speak to. Wow, I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed right now. How are you feeling? And just to kind of normalize the fact that everyone's feeling a little bit energetically stimulated and maybe off kilter.

Mm, I love that. We actually talk about that a lot with. In my family. And we're like, we try to give each other space for walks now because, like, for people who are going from, you know, maybe you do a lot of work on your own or maybe you're not used to so much social time or so much interaction, especially if you are more into, you know, you're. It's a lot of introverted people with extroverted people. Like, it's a mix of different things that are going on and it's like, what do we need to. To make this a fun holiday for everyone? And so we'll voice that sometimes. Like, okay, I'm just being super honest. Like, you know, in order for me to be able to play games all night or be with you guys all night, I need to just go take some space and take a walk this afternoon. Like, it just becomes so much more normalized by saying that instead of thinking, hey guys, we're gonna wake up at 8am, we're gonna watch a Christmas movie, we're gonna eat lunch together, we're gonna do this, we're gonna start drinking, we're gonna watch. Like, that is. That is so much stuff.

So much. I just got so anxious as you said all that.

I was like, ah, oh my God, that's a lot. So, like, really looking at your day and I think, do you plan ahead? Because what we do is we try to plan ahead and actually look at what the days are that we're going to be spending together in a home. Or like, what is this? How is this going to play out? Because if you don't plan it, it's probably going to be a bit of a. Of it's gonna go crazy.

Totally. Yes, totally. I plan in the days and something that's coming up for me more this year is actually dropping into which one of these events do I actually want to go to? And that's been triggering for me to even sit with because sometimes it's family, it's close friends, but I'm like, if the only reason I'm going is because of guilt, I don't really feel that's in alignment for me to go. So sometimes it's even looking at like, what do I absolutely want to be at? And not in a way to be like, oh, I'm just gonna be introverted and stick to myself. But it's like, I'm not gonna have fun if I'm somewhere I don't wanna be.

I love that you just said that. Cause I'm actually. There's a lot of. It's funny, I'm looking in my emails this morning and I'm like, oh, I feel like I should go. I wanna connect with these people. And then I was thinking, you know, I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to see the people that I wanna see at this party. Cause there's gonna be so many people there. So if my intention is actually to connect with, with this person who's putting it on, maybe I could entertain the idea of actually going to like a lunch with them after this or looking at something down the road. Because what happens a lot this time of year is I will do so much stuff before the holiday that I actually end up taking away from the actual holiday with my family that I want because I'm too exhausted. I don't feel good in my physical body because I've ate or drank too much at all of these other parties and I just don't feel well. So it's kind of like, okay, you know what? I want to reserve myself to really make this time special. So what does that look like? Backing up through the month? So that's kind of where I'm at right now.

Yes, I love that. And I think it's important too to realize that winter is a time where we all naturally want to be with ourselves. And in this kind of inclusion time, I mean, a lot of the people that I work with and even, you know, peers were kind of of in this space of like, you know, baking up the next idea, the next evolution, like really diving into deeper spiritual practices. Like in this kind of period of growth, internal growth. So if we're putting all of our energy outside of ourselves from for the holidays, you know, not even maybe work related, but it's like, God, how did that month, two months just get taken from me when I really should have been like, really deep into my process that would like, nature is trying to bring through right now? So I've kind of been paying attention to that too because I'm like, I definitely feel the need to be with myself deeply. So I'm making sure that I have space for that because that is the most important for me. Despite it is the most important.

Oh man, I am so feeling that right now too. And I'm finding that in order for me to get to that space, I have to get really right and at peace with letting it be okay that I'm disappointing people because the amount of no's that have to go out in order to create that, that space are like, it can be very intensive. But I'm finding, I'm finding the way to say no faster. Like, that's kind of my practice right now. Because I'm really trying to focus in on what you just said. Like, I want that rich, like, savory time to just be. And I haven't had that for so long that I'm like, okay, don't get caught up again with trying to. People, please. Cause that can be a default response for me. So permission to disappoint.

Yes. Yes. And it gives other people permission to. Not people, please. Sometimes people get triggered. But when you really drop in and ask them, like, hey, where else in your life are you pleasing other people and doing things that you don't really want to do? Why are we doing that? And even having that conversation. I mean, I'm having the conversation with my family too, about gifts. We're like, you know what? It's kind of stressful. What if we didn't, you know, and knowing that some people are going to disagree but like, have just opening up the conversation to be like, let's evaluate the things that we were all doing unconsciously to see if it's in actual alignment and we're enjoying our holiday.

I'm okay. We're like, I. We're sharing a brain right now. I'm so glad you just said that because. So last year was the first year that we had that conversation, we actually went through with it because we were like, we're just completely reevaluating our holidays as a family right now. Now, mind you, we took five years before this to start talking about like the food we're eating and how we're showing up and because we just like, it just wasn't working anymore. So what happened last year is we really realized that like the running around and the gifts and all of this stuff was actually distracting us from spending time together where we could actually be spending so much great time together. We could be doing more things. We could actually be doing an activity at Christmas instead of opening gifts. And all of us weren't sharing that we actually didn't even want the stuff. Like, we didn't want stuff in our lives. And that if we want stuff, we tend to go get it for ourselves or, you know, maybe a gift card or something like that. But what if we actually shared what we want instead of like having this feeling of waste afterward, you know, and feeling the guilt of, wow, I don't even feel like I needed this. And they could have kept this money or we could have put this towards something else, or we could have given this to somebody else. So these are real conversations that aren't easy to have, but they are light, life changing. So now, last year and this year we're doing, we just do one white elephant gift and then one nice gift and we just trade them. So everybody only brings two gifts. That's it.

Love it. It's love it.

Freaking amazing. It is like, and even that for me, I'm like, how about no gifts? No, I'm just kidding. But for real, I could be fine without it. But, but that's like fun. It's something to do for a couple hours and it's kind of fun to, you know, like, watch everybody open their stuff. But that's been game changing for us.

Too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained and unfulfilled.

I know that.

I have experienced that myself. And the good news is it doesn't have to be this way and you don't need a new job to fix it. Patrick Lencioni, author of the Five Dysfunctions of a Team and more than a dozen other bestsellers, created the working genius assessment to help you put pinpoint the kind of work that gives you energy, the kind that lights you up, and it also shares the kind that drains it. So over a million people, including me, have taken it and completely changed how I lead and show up every day. If you're a CEO, an entrepreneur, or someone who just wants to level up in business and in life, working genius is going to give you the clarity and confidence to operate in your strengths and find greater joy in what you do. Because confidence isn't pretending to be good at everything. It's knowing where you're truly gifted. Take the working genius assessment today and get 20 off with code earn@working genius.com that's working genius dot com. You'll be glad you did it. There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you. And when you want more, when you're starting a business business, you need Northwest registered agent because you get access to thousands of free guides, tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. And it's all in one place. You can build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest registered agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow business for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the U. S with over 1500 corporate governance guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. You can sign up for free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale and more at no cost. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it, like operating agreements, meeting minutes and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com Earn free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent at www.northwestdo forward/earnfree.

Yeah, that's so huge. I mean just like you were saying too to really acknowledge that we don't get to spend time with one another when we're constantly stressed out about things. I mean and even in the experience to be like oh, are they gonna like, like my gift? Did you get this gift? Did you bring this pie? Like whatever people are worried about, it's like it just robs the connection, opportunity.

I mean people are. People go in debt over worrying about did they get enough? Are they gonna, you know, is somebody making sure that every need and want and all, all of these things are taken care of at this time. And it's just. It can be such a distraction. Now, if your love language is gifts, that's just. What is that? I mean, what do you think that takes? Just a conversation around creating a new tradition around something that you love or what are your tips for people who are like, but I'm obsessed with giving gifts.

Yeah, I think just having the conversation with the people that you're gifting to and maybe seeing if that is their love language, if that's how they want to receive or if they want to give something to back to you and just really opening up the door. I know a lot of people that have the love language of gifts too. My mom is one of them. So even having this conversation with her, she's like, I have to get my children gifts. And I'm like, all right, mom, we'll talk about it. But how would you feel if we took you out for a really nice dinner to celebrate in exchange for that? I think it's an individual conversation basis and keep the things that you love and that are really amazing. If you love gifts and it's nourishing for you, do it. But if it feels like it's stressful, cut it.

I love that because for me, like, I. It's so funny. I don't want to receive things, but if people wrote me like this amazing juicy card, I would just be like. Like, to me, that is like, you know, so now people write me those things and I feel full instead of like getting stuff that I feel like I'm disappointing them by not loving it enough or using it enough or whatever that looks like. So just open, honest conversations of how do you want to celebrate this holiday? And what feels. I think that's so beautiful. So you go deep into people pleasing, which I know that we've already talked about, but are there certain exercises that you kind of do around trying to show up more as just you unapologetically, but not worrying so much about what, you know, this kind of piggybacks off of. Are we gifting? Are we making people happy? But I think it's just the whole holiday season. So what's something that you practice around letting go of people?

Please. Yeah. I think the biggest thing is practice, obviously. And in the moment when you know you're getting triggered into a people pleasing response to just like, take a pause and just drop it. To be like, what feels in real alignment for me right now. And if we have the intention set around like, hey, I'm working on my people pleasing tendencies. You're going to become more aware of it in the moment when it's happening. And to just voice it once again, to say to people like, hey, you know what? I've noticed that I've been somewhat of a people pleaser and I really want to support you, you and this party that you're hosting. And I don't know if it's 100% in alignment. I have things going on and I'm wondering if we can do XYZ instead to just voice it. So once again, it gives other people permission to be as honest in that scenario and not project that you are the one that creates everyone else's happiness. I think that's what people pleasers are identifying with. It's like, well, if I don't do this, they're going to be sad, they're not going to be happy, they're going to do all these things. And that kind of robs people the opportunity to create their own joy and fulfillment. And it leaves them dependent on getting all their, you know, all their desires met perfectly by the external world in order to feel a certain way. So although it might sting in the moment, it's actually empowering them, if you voice that around it, to be like, hey, you don't need me to make you feel amazing at this holiday season. Like, what would make you feel really good and just kind of empowering them that way?

I love that. And that's. Honestly, practice is one of the biggest things I find. Sometimes it's like, you know how you could either be at like a dinner party or a family thing and you can know someone's like a bit bent out of shape or upset about something and it's like you can focus in on it or you have that moment where you can actually kind of like move away from that person, go start a different conversation. Like, detach from the energy of worrying about if that person's okay. Because it's not your job to worry if they're okay or unhappy. Like, that is a crazy point in your life when you actually go, wow, all right, that. That's like, they can be unhappy over there and I'm still allowed to have fun over here.

Yes, yes. And I think it's so triggering too, for, like, a lot of people that come into personal growth, we have a lot of black sheeps and outsiders. You know, that's kind of like why we come in. We're like, I don't belong and I need to change better. And then so, yeah, you get triggered by the people pleasing stuff because Then you're like, oh, my God. Now I'm just validating that outsider identity and keeping my myself more introverted. And this was always my story, and I want to change this. I want to connect more. But if we really just drop in to be like, is the connection with this person in 100% alignment right now? And do I have other people that I feel totally connected with that I can drop into with instead of being like, everyone needs to love me and everyone needs to feel that from me and feel like I'm trying with them and kind of letting that story just fade away. That you're an outsider, that you're a black sheep. If you course this is happening, because I know that comes up a lot too.

Oh, my God, Yes. I can literally think back to times when, like, I'll leave somewhere and be like, oh, was I nice to this person? Did I make them feel welcome? Did they feel this way? Did they? And I'm like, oh, my Lord. Like, did you have any fun?

Did you.

Is it okay that you actually had fun, like in, you know, this group with these people over here instead of worrying about what's going on in the whole room? That's a really. That's a huge one for.

For me.

So is there anything for you right now that you're kind of in resistance in around this season?

Yeah. So I think just going back to what I was saying earlier about the craving for being in my own hermit shell right now, just kind of like creatively and spiritually and navigating the holidays around that and really just prioritizing that. I feel like I'm moving into another. It's going to challenge a lot of people pleasing tendencies within me, especially around family, because there's always that backlash. At least my family to be like, what do you mean you're not coming? Like, all of that. Anytime that we come into personal growth, there's always that kind of underlying judgment in some people that are like, oh, you think you're better than us? That's definitely been my experience with like, oh, you think you're a hotshot or whatever it is. And I'm like, no, I don't. Just doing my thing right now. And so there's wounding around that for me. So I'm kind of being with right now, like, I need to make sure that I'm planning things and I'm voicing things from a loving and honest place to be. Like, this is what I'm experiencing right now, and this is where my priority is. I love you, I support you. I hope that we can connect here, but this isn't going to work for me. So I'm kind of just in that space of like, what do I actually need on a soul level during this holiday?

So I love that you were just talking about that because so many people are at that point right now, but they're more at. Let's talk to the people who are at the beginning, beginning phases of that where, I mean, we can say it and we kind of understand where those boundaries can go and say, you know, I want to take this time for me, or I know they're not going to understand, but to some people, they. They're literally thinking right now, yeah, but your family's not like mine or they might reject me or this is like, all hell is about to break loose. And number one, I first want to say, I get it. All hell did break loose for me. They do reject you. It's not easy, but you get through. So what are some tips maybe for people who that just that initial, like, yeah, you. You have to feel the feelings and go through that fire at first, but what's something to maybe help them through those first phases?

Yeah, I think the most important thing is to know yourself and know that you're in alignment and not making this decision from a really reactive and fearful place to be like, oh my God, I can't handle the holidays. It makes me feel xyz. It's too overwhelming. Gadd yada. And really dropping into being like, what is the empowering decision here for me? Because it's not like we want you hiding out from the holidays because you're not strong enough or you're too sensitive. It's about like really making empowered decision from your intuition to be like, no, there's something that's actually out of alignment here that I don't want to be a part of. And I feel like if we drop into that space and we become anchored in our truth, there's nothing that we can really get overly triggered by because we know we're listening to our soul and not like running around in fear because of our mind. Mind.

Oh, I love that. That actually just really opened something up for me where what feels good for me is just for, you know, just a tip for other people is just less time. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with people. It's that sometimes my husband will go with his family all day long and I will meet up with them a little bit later because maybe I don't want to be a part of you know, certain festivities for all day long, or I don't want to be somewhere where there's, you know, drinking going on all day long. But I'm happy to jo at dinner time or after dinner time for some, you know, two or three beautiful hours of, like, deeper connection. And to me, that just, like, it's like, what feels good and how can we arrange it so that everybody's winning, you know? So I think there's always an arrangement that can be made, but we just are not, like, we think it's all or nothing when really it's like, well, what part feels good for you? So what part of, you know, partaking in this feels really good for you? Because it is easy to be like, well, maybe I'll just totally avoid. Because it might be easier than that conversation about what, you know, what works for you. What works for me.

Totally. I love that you said that, too. It's so easy to be like, yeah, I'm going to come, like, two to four hours. Like, that sounds amazing. Love it. Like, love it. That's perfect. I can do that. Yeah. But when it comes to, like, people that are like, you know, you have to go stay at a family's house, and then you're staying there for, like, a week at a time, like, you really need to set boundaries because it becomes so easy to just get engulfed in that heavy spiral. As amazing as the holidays are, I mean, so many people leave the holidays feeling heavy and just exhausted and, like, that's not what the season is intended to be about. I don't think so. Yeah. Boundaries.

Absolutely. So talking about shifting perspective before we go into it, and honestly, this is all. Everything we've talked about thus far is about, first of all, shifting your perspective, but really realizing, I think, the power of perspective before we go into it. And something really powerful for me. And I'd love to hear what your perspective shifts have been around. The holiday season is just. I truly want to make this holiday season fun. So my perspective has been like, what would be fun? How could this be fun? Instead of looking at it as, you know. Because, to be quite honest with you, I used to view it as stressful. And I have the craziest background because I didn't even celebrate holidays until I was, like, 22 or older. Like, until I'm really married. My husband, because I was raised in a religion where we didn't celebrate any holidays. So imagine going from, like, zero to, like, a family. That's like a thousand. I just didn't understand it. I was like, this is insane. Like, why do we buy all these presents? So I was like, it's so stressful.

It's.

It's kind of ridiculous. And then now I'm like, okay, how could this be fun? How is this something beautiful about bonding? So I'm shifting my perspective around, just wanting to make it fun first of all, but. But I'll go deeper into that, but I'd love to hear some of your perspective shifts.

I love that. I love that. So much fun is definitely a piece for me. And also just really connecting with people that I want to connect with at a really intimate level. Because as we're doing things and living far away from home, we don't always have that space to really drop in. And I've noticed that holidays have been a lot of surface level conversation in most spaces. And so I'm really intentional about like whether it's a private conversation or knowing who I really need to connect with and drop in with. So my heart feels like mission completed. Like I got that thing and they got that thing that we know we need to hit in order to feel that soul bond between us. So that's something for me. Fun is definitely something. And then really just inviting more of the celebration of this past year. Because sometimes I kind of rush. It feels like a rush through the holidays until New Year's and it's like, oh, yeah, yeah. Reflections, intentions, all these things. But really taking this entire month to just celebrate everything that's been created and to be with myself and all that process too. Just reflect on all the growth, all the evolution of things in business and just be in deep gratitude and celebration and seeking beauty and other instances and scenarios and looking at the Christmas trees and just being in celebrations spirit.

Are there ways that you implement that into like, what does that look like in your, you know, daily life? Like, what will that look like today through the season and what will that look like when you actually go over to your family's house or your friend's house? Do you know what I mean? So that you don't lose that.

Yeah, well, I'm really grateful that I live in Manhattan because it's so beautiful here for Christmas time. So honestly, for me, it's like every time I'm walking, it's listening to like Christmas music or just even like some nice jazz and being intentional about looking at new things that I haven't seen before and like just celebrating their beauty and just smiling, just walking as if I'm kind of like floating on a cloud and being intentional with that as a Practice, because it feels really good when you're doing it. And I think for me, when I'm actually in this space with other people, it's about laughing with things that I used to judge. That's been a huge perspective switch for me. When I would hear people say, like, limiting or negative things, I will literally just like, laugh to myself and celebrate that person. It's just like making the whole. Whole container just so much lighter. So those things have been powerful for me.

Oh, man, that's. That's so. That's amazing because it is so easy to get into that place of judgment, and it's just like a personal prison.

It's not even so bad. It's so bad.

Yeah, it's so bad. So talking about traditions, like, I. I truly believe that there's so much space to create really fun traditions and families that can change the way that we are connecting at the holidays. And I know recently my family and I, the past three years, I know we talked about the different gift exchange, but we were also doing this thing that takes like two or three hours where we go around the table and we either write on an ornament or we write on a. Like a white mug. Like, we buy plain white ornaments or white mugs, and we get gold magic markers, and we write a word on each person's mug. Like, you put your name on the bottom of the mug or whatever it is, and you go around and you go, like, clockwise, and you exchange that mug, and then you write a word that reminds you of that person or that you see in that person on the mug. And then you tell them, like, what's special about them. And so the whole family goes around and has these moments where you talk to this person and you tell them why they're amazing or what you loved about them this past year, what you see in them. And it's just like this once a year thing that's super special, and you get this ornament or this mug or whatever at the end of it, and it takes up all of this time, which is the key there. And it's just this beautiful tradition that we've started. So I know there's a million different things that you can do like that, but do you have anything that you like to do with your family that's like. Or something that you're thinking of doing that you'd like to implement?

I love that so much. That's so beautiful. And it was funny because as you were saying that I was like, that would never happen in my family. Like, It's. I love that. I'm like, I just want to see that happening. My family is so amazing. But what I really started to drop into is kind of meeting them where they are in regards to the tradition component. Because when I try to introduce things, being like, everyone tell something that you love about the other person and expressing gratitude, and while I can get them on board for some of those things, I realize that at least one side of my family that's like, like, very redneck, country bumpkin, out of control, we just really bond through games, totally. Contests, and we just go really crazy with all of that. So for me, I've kind of been dropping into connecting with them more through the level that they want to play at. So for us, it's about games, for sure. And I just am really working at getting more engaged and involved with everything that we're playing to just have fun with them in that space. So we've done everything from, like, Family Feud, like, costume contests. Like, we get all kinds of rowdy and out of control, but, yeah, that's our tradition.

Okay. And I also love that you said that, because it. Believe me, that took so long for us to get to this space where we could do. Where we could do the other thing. But we love games, too. Love, love, love it. And I also love that you said you meet them where they're at. Because I have parts of my family where that in no way in hell would ever happen. They'd be like, yeah, no. Like, they'd be so uncomfortable with even, like, allowing the compliments to come in that it would be, like, crazy. So meet them where they're at, and if they're open to those other things, like, honestly, to get and sit down and do what we did, I had to, like, beg them. And now they love it, but I had to be like, and it'll be begging again this year. But at the same time, it's like, if I have this stuff and I make them sit down and I'm like, this is. Is important.

Yes, it is. So it is about, like, knowing your audience, too. I think, like, there's. There's certain family members where I'm like, this would fly. Then there's other parties where I'm like, not at all. Oh, no. They would.

They would. Literally. Certain parts of my family would, like, certain people in other parts of my family would legit torment me. It would be. I would just, like. Like, there'd be more marker on me with, like. Yeah. Drawings of.

Yeah.

Phallic things on my face. Like, am I editing that out. I'm not sure. We'll probably just leave that in, but believe it.

So good.

All right. So speaking of that, going into just food and booze, I mean, that's. It just helped me. Food and booze, where do we go with that? Because I think that's the main trigger is going down that spiral. And you know, it's going to happen sometimes. And what happens? Number one, how can we start to prepare for all of the triggers around food and booze? And if we do go down that road, how do we bring more grace and love in?

Yes, yes, yes. So I think that in preparation for it, we can all be doing the best we can to feel our best because we know that when we feel healthy, we don't want to eat stuff that isn't going to make us feel good naturally. So doing the prep work in that regard. And then for me, I think everyone is really different. But for me, because I've had so many eating disorder backgrounds and just all those things, anytime I would try to control a party or a holiday, it would just be a disaster. Whether it ended up in some type of binge eating pattern or it ended up just me being, being totally in my head the entire time, like, well, I can't eat at this and look at them eating this, just not fine whatsoever. So I stopped doing that. And for me, I kind of just embrace what it's going to be. I know that the more alcohol I drink, the probably worse that's going to end up being. So that's one thing that I do kind of stay aware of. If I'm just like, okay, let's kind of pace, let's have a drink of water in between here. Sometimes I'll try to like set some type of limit or just slow down in the alcohol component. I've set alarms on my phone before to check in every two hours with myself, which has been really helpful to just drop in and be like, hey, how are you feeling? And then with the food component, I think for me it's been allowing and the more that I allow, the less charge and pull and guilt there is towards it. And just knowing that like, hey, it's a party, it's a holiday, and then you get back on whatever, never wagon, if that's even, you know, a thing, getting back on the wagon when you leave. But I think for people that are, you know, staying with their families for like a week long time, you have to prepare for what you need, you know, and don't just come in there and be like, oh, I'm going to just have to eat all their food and like not work out and do all those things. Like. No, no, no, no. Like that does not have to be your reality. When I've stayed with my family for a prolonged period of time, I would make a way. I'd be like, listen, I need your car because I got to go to yoga. Like I gotta go to the grocery store, I need a salad the day after. Like I'm not doing this shit all week. So yeah, I think it's about preparing.

Oh my God, that's exactly us too. We literally, it's like if we're gonna have the nights together, we take our days of if we're. Or if we're gonna have nights where we're gonna be eating a lot or having cocktails and things like that. I take my days to be really like, you know, healthy. I try to take the full day to be as healthy as possible up until like four or five clock. And then I allow. It's like, okay, well what's everybody else eating? You know what I mean? And I kind of like eat the healthiest option amongst what is going on. So man, that's just so much. I find that it's so much better in my old tendencies of just overeating and binging don't come out at all when I just say you can have whatever you want tonight. Like just have bites of it like, because you get it again tomorrow night. So enjoy it because it's not going anywhere. And that's just been really game changing for me. So yeah, I think that one of the major things also is once the holidays are kind of over, you always have that period where there's that fact or there's those moments where you can decide to forgive yourself and let it be okay. And it's not even the forgiveness. Just saying that was all good, that was all a part of it. And it makes the comeback evacuate so much faster. In the not hating yourself or not holding it against yourself. There's this beautiful place where you can actually let it all be okay. But how do people get there, you know, after the holidays? What's something that they can start to do to move forward into just kind of, you know, feeling back to normal?

Well, on a really practical level, something that I do consistently is talk to myself in the mirror and, and although it sounds so simple, it's actually the most profound self love work ever. Because when we're in that space of guilt or shame and just feeling like, oh God, I just feel Gross. The last thing that we want to do is look at ourselves. And not just because we don't want to see, like, you know, oh, my God, am I puffy or whatever? Like, do I have bags under my eyes? But it's really facing off with yourself instead of letting your mind take you away from yourself. So your mind is going to be like, it's time to work out. It's time to do this. And I can't believe I did this. And, like, Lily just has you running around in a circle when if you just really drive yourself to sit down in front of a mirror or stand in front of a mirror and lock eyes with yourself, to just be like, hey, I see you. It's all good. I love you. I forgive you. Be with all the emotional resistance that's in your being, because it's naturally going to come up as soon as you start looking at yourself and just breathe through it and allow yourself to process through that. And then from that point, really asking yourself, what is the most nourishing and empowering act for me right now that very well might be working out, drinking more water, doing all those things. But if it's coming from a disempowering place, it's going to create more disempowerment and heaviness in your being, because then you're doing it out of shame, out of fear, out of guilt. But when you're dropping into being like, hey, babe, what is it that you need right now to feel really good and just being super present with yourself in that moment, you really realize that not only are you feeling better a lot faster, but it just changes the relationship that you have with yourself and shame so much.

So glad you just said that because I have been doing that after. I kind of feel like I just got done with the holiday season after doing I just had a crazy year and did another book launch recently. So just back to back. I mean, months of travel, like, three months in a row of just straight great travel and, like, connection with people. And, you know, my fitness routines were not the same. My food was not the same. I was drinking way more alcohol than usual. You know, like, at least a cocktail a night for, like, weeks on end, which is so not usual for me. And it's like, you come home and it can be. You could. You couldn't want to go back to those, like, what are you doing? And get back into this and get back into your routine right away. And it was like that. It's just. That's not working anymore, like, and it's I've found that I've been standing in front of the mirror and being like. Like, I'm so proud of you. Like, I'm. You. You just did all of that and, like, you still took care of yourself in the best way that you could. And the thing that I'm really focusing on right now is what will make your, like, mental health and you and, like, your happiness and joy. Like, what's going to serve that the most right now? Because I'm just not in the. I'm in the long game now. Like, I just can't do that short game crap anymore. Like, it's. It just kills me, me, you know? So I love that you said that because I've been finding. I've just been kind of, like, stopping the mirror, being like, I'm so proud of you. Like, don't pick yourself apart. Just, I'm so proud of you for all that you've done.

So beautiful.

Sorry, I just dropped into self coaching there for a moment.

No, so good. So good.

Like, let me just. Yeah. Oh, is this. Am I interviewing you? Sorry, I was just coaching myself. Isn't that what podcasting is, though? We're, like, just. Just self coaching as we. As we talk to each other. It's so great.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Sometimes I listen to my podcast and I'm like, damn, that was great. Exactly what I needed today.

Like, I want to listen to myself so I can actually hear my intuition, like, live. It's so. It's so great. So. All right, well, I have absolutely loved this conversation with you, and I'm so incredibly grateful for you. And is there anything that you want to share with anyone that we haven't caught covered?

I think just sit in front of the mirror and talk to yourself. I invite everyone to do that because it's so powerful. Clearly, Lori's doing it. It's so powerful. And just know that everything is good. You are loved. Yeah, that's it.

So I'd love for people to be able to find you and follow you and what's most exciting for you right now.

Yes. So for the most part, I'm on Instagram the most. I love just connecting, connecting with tribe every day through, like, stories and really just being as intimate as I can with people. And then the podcast, Sexy Soul Radio, it's also that place where I just get to drop into my intuition and go on my little rants. So those two things right now are really where I'm at, and I'm just very present with the evolution of what's coming in this next year. I'm living in a place of not having a plan really, but it feels really good and I know a lot of exciting things are coming, coming.

Well, Katie, I'm so grateful for you and I just want to thank you for just being so. I literally can just feel your just authenticity and willingness to, like, be curious and be open. And I'm so grateful for that and for this beautiful conversation that I know is going to serve so many people. So I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

Yes.

Okay, so if you are in an elevator with someone, it's only like a 30 second ride and it's a total stranger and they look over at you and they ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

I'd say tune into the creator of happiness every day. And that means prayer, devotional practice, meditation, anything. Joy comes from source for me, always so.

Oh, that is so beautiful. And you guys, guys, if you loved this episode as much as I did, make sure you share it with your friends. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye Sa.