3 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started

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You will be in deep grief in certain parts of your life and business. You will be rocked to your core because you're saying yes to bigger problems. That's all it is. When you say yes to your business and your dreams, you've now stopped building someone else's and you're saying yes to dealing with all of the issues and problems that come with building a business. And let me just tell you, it's all up in the air and it is all a gamble and you have to love the fact that you are going for it.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast.

It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I'm so grateful that you guys have been listening to this podcast. Maybe it's your first time. Maybe you are one of my people who have been here for the last 10 years. You guys, I am celebrating my 10-year anniversary of the podcast, which is insane. Like, who was I 10 years ago? When I go listen to like newer podcasts from the beginning, I literally don't recognize myself. I actually try to not do that ever because I'm like, okay, I have so much love and respect for that girl for starting, and let's turn it off. I'm sure you understand, like hearing your own voice, what is it about, like, you're like, do I actually sound that way? Like, it's like nails on a chalkboard for me. But with that, 10 years, you guys, I'm celebrating it June 13th. Natalie Ellis and I, she also has a very big celebration. It is her very first book launch. We are combining the day and doing a really fun live podcast event in Newport Beach area, California, that we would love to have you come to. You can go down to the show notes and grab your ticket. You guys, it is $79 for general admission, $111 for VIP, where you're gonna get a drink ticket and you're gonna get a picture with us, which will be so much fun. So I hope that you come. You get a book with that, um, come to a live podcast recording with other epic humans. You guys, we also have an amazing panel who I can't wait to introduce, who is on that panel, and it's going to be the best day of connecting. So I hope that you come and you celebrate with us. And I want to talk about the road of your goals. I want to talk about the road of entrepreneurship. I want to talk about the road of going after it. I want to talk about 3 things today that are going to deeply impact you on that road, and things that I wish I knew that I believe can really help you. And that can— when we share these things, we can really help understand and prepare ourselves so that we don't quit, we don't give up. On that road to becoming the person we know we're supposed to be. So the first thing I want to chat about is when you're going for your dreams, when you are starting a business, when you're growing your business, number one is that loneliness is a part of the deal. And no matter how many people are around us, the reason that loneliness is a part of the deal, no matter how many friends you have, no matter how close you are to your family, a lot of times it's very rare that in the beginning you have people who understand the exact journey that you're on. So entrepreneurs can feel lonely even though they're surrounded by a ton of people, a ton of employees. And maybe you are a solopreneur, so you're really not around a lot of people, and that can be lonely as well. But loneliness can come even when you're surrounded by a ton of people, because when people don't fully understand the journey you're on, you don't have the people to tap into to ask certain questions or to really say you know, tell me about your experience with yourself on this particular journey that I am going through. So loneliness isn't necessarily a sign that something's wrong at all, you guys. It is a part of the deal. Most people in your life are not going to get it unless you've spent a lot of time building your network, which a lot of you have. And now you do have those entrepreneur friends. Hallelujah! Thank God, that's the whole point. Of this podcast. It's the whole point of the live podcast that Natalie and I are doing together is to get other people who are like, oh, shit's hitting the fan. You can talk about it here. I understand it, right? Your old friends are gonna tend to start to drift. And I hate to be that person, to be the bearer of bad news, but you probably are already experiencing this, or you probably know it. And it's not out of them not liking you, it's just out of distance between where you're going and where they're staying. It just gets— that gap between those two just gets wider. So you don't have to feel bad. You can just know that this is all a part of it. So the other portion of that is that your family is going to worry about you. They're going to be like, are you okay? Are you sure you can do this? I'm worried about, you know, how you've been, how much time you've been working. I'm worried about your health. People who love you are gonna ask you when you're gonna get a real job, when you're gonna be realistic, when you're gonna stop. And they're gonna ask it out of love. And you guys, sometimes that makes it even harder because you're like, oh my God, they're literally not taking me serious and they don't see this in me, they don't think that I can do it. And the isolation of building is truly real. Like, it is real. I acknowledge you. I see you. I have been there. And I'm not saying this to scare you, but I'm saying this to prepare you because there is going to be things that you walk through in your business that you literally cannot even understand how to get through it. And you won't necessarily have the exact people in your life at that time to help you navigate it. But this will be something that forces you to figure out who you can ask. Use that muscle of asking and stop being in a place where you don't have the people because you're now aware that you need to have the people. And let me tell you, I am so grateful that I have so many people in my life who've navigated hard things because my deep, like, loneliness in the company, in the things that I have done has been a really challenging thing for me to navigate. And I will tell you right now, Glossier's navigating a legal matter that has impacted us in a way that I'm literally still processing. And nobody prepares you for this part. Nobody tells you that you have this big dream, you feel it in your body, you feel it in your bones, you see the vision in your brain, and one day 6 years deep into something that you've poured your entire heart, your soul, your life into, that you've sacrificed for, lost sleep over, built from nothing, that you'll watch something come along and truly impact it, and that you are going to want to fight tooth and nail, and you are literally not necessarily going to have the roadmap to navigate it. And a lot of people won't understand it. But here's what I want to say: a lot of people will, but there will be some paths and some lonely things that you just don't get to get comforted on. You just don't get to have support on that. You have to walk that road and figure it the fuck out on your own. Yes, you're going to find those people. Yes, you're going to navigate it. But these things are challenging, and that is what makes it lonely. And the other part is, is that you think that these things don't happen to other people. Thank God I have so many entrepreneur friends who have told me they've either navigated it, something's happened to their company, something's happened to past companies. You guys, I do not know what I would be doing right now if I did not have that, which is why we are so passionate about our masterminds. Truly is because it connects people. And I also get to hear so many of the things going on in every single person's business that it just normalizes moments like this that you can navigate through it and figure out what to do because you will be in deep grief in certain parts of your life and business. You will be rocked to your core because you're saying yes to bigger problems. That's all it is. When you say yes to your business and your dreams, you've now stopped building someone else's and you're saying yes to dealing with all of the issues and problems that come with building a business. And let me just tell you, it's all up in the air and it is all a gamble, and you have to love the fact that you are going for it. You have to know that you are one of the people in the arena that is not going to live with regrets, that literally went for it, put everything on the line to create that thing. And at the end of my life, I will get to die saying, I did it, I did it, I tried it, I did my best, I left everything on the table. It won. It lost. It did all the things, meaning whatever business that is, Closey's still amazing, but whatever business that is, you know how many times people win and lose in their businesses every single day? They win in a big way, they lose in a big way. They lose a company, they win a company. Something goes under, something goes up. This is all a part of it. And I'm telling you that the loneliness of entrepreneurship doesn't have to be as heavy as some of us are making it. And I want you to know that the feeling of standing in the breakdown, like in the dust, in the rubble, with something that you have built with your bare hands and wondering how to keep going— that is not weakness. That's actually what it costs to do business, and it's also what will build you up into somebody who is absolutely unstoppable. You will make it through if you don't quit, right? You're the one that's going to stay standing and get stronger from any lesson that's coming your way. And the one thing I want is for you to not have to navigate alone, just like I'm not navigating this alone right now. So the second thing that I want to share is your identity is going to break before you actually build back up. So going into this, talking about the loneliness in business, that is what's building you up, whether it's something that you've gotten hit with, whether it's something that we just talked about that is really rocking you right now. You can't see the way through. I'm telling you, the feeling of breaking down is what exactly is going to be the thing that is going to make you the strongest version, because you don't get to be stronger without that feeling. Like, it's impossible. When you go to the gym, you break that muscle down, it is super sore, it really sucks, and then all of a sudden, you know, 2 months, 3 months, 6 months later, you are stronger. So your identity is going to break before it builds, because the version of you that is starting this thing, that is here right now, that's in the middle, that's that's doing this thing is not going to be the version that finishes it because of this moment. And so I know that that sounds great, but from the inside it feels like you're losing your fucking mind and that you did everything wrong. But you are going to wake up one day and you're not going to recognize who you used to be. Like, within the chaos of you not understanding how to do it, not figuring out, and continuing to wake up and put one foot in front of the fucking other foot, that is how you get built. You're going to wake up and not fully recognize who you've become either, because you'll be in that gap between the two. There's like no floor beneath you and there's nothing up above you, and it feels like everything's gone dark and everything's gone quiet, and the old ways of coping aren't working for you, and the things that used to feel good don't make you feel good anymore. The things you used to feel certain about, you don't feel certain about anymore. These are the moments where you literally start creating another version of you, where you're grasping at straws, where you feel like you're in that free fall backwards and you're like, There is nothing that is soothing me right now. There is nothing that is making this better. And that is where you are built. That's where you are built. That is the cost of becoming the next version of you, is that free fall in the middle where you feel like an absolute psychopath and you're like, I just have to keep going and find some form of strength. Let me tell you what else. This is where you dig in. And if you are not somebody who believes in God or something bigger than you, this is where you find him. Because let me just tell you, I believed in God, but I have never in my life felt God so insanely present even during the most hard things. In fact, maybe even more. It's such a reminder that sometimes you don't know why things are happening. Maybe you asked for a big life. Maybe you asked for a ton of strength. Well, if I'm gonna ask my personal trainer to get stronger, he is going to give me the heaviest weights in the room. What do you think God does if we're praying every night that we want this big life and we wanna be strong and we want the strength? Okay, sometimes you pray for the strength and you get another dumbbell thrown at your head. It's literally how it works. So I want you to remember, you're not being broken down on purpose. You're literally being built, and there's a real difference there. So hold on tight, buckle up, Betty, because I know that's the hardest fucking thing to hear. Someone said it to me recently, and I was like, I don't want to buckle up. I want a nice cushy bed where it's peaceful and people like me and nothing's wrong, and I don't have to worry about anything or money or finances or my company or people or family. Like, I just want some peace. And as I prayed for strength and I prayed for clarity, things got harder. They got even harder. I am in the hardest time of my life right now, but I am sincerely clear that God is doing this for me. Can I tell you exactly why? No. But I hold that faith And I know that I'm going to be able to tell you in 6 months to a year of how fucking amazing everything is and why certain things in your life are happening.

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The third thing I want to tell you is that money is going to lie to you in both ways. Your early successes are going to make you feel like, oh sweet, I got really lucky, this is awesome, I must be really good at this. They're gonna make you feel like a genius. And then early failure, or any failure, is also going to make you feel like a fraud. So I've talked to so many people who have had a lot of early success and then they, you know, something fails later and they're like, oh my gosh, maybe that was just luck. I'm a fraud. Or people who are absolutely in a place right now where they're winning and you think you're always gonna win. It's just literally how it works. And neither is true because I've watched talented people blow up fast and start making decisions that don't apply them to them anymore because for a minute they feel like rules don't apply to them and like everything's gonna go right. And then I've watched equally talented people get absolutely fucking humbled in the first chapter. Or in the middle of their business or at the end of their business, but decide that it was for them and that they're meant for more and absolutely turn it around. So I think the thing is that you have to remember, like, money and success is a magnifier. It's not the actual thing that decides. It's not the end-all. It's not the verdict. So it amplifies what's already there. So good judgment, bad, all of the things, whatever it is, it just comes in and it tests your character. Before your character might even be ready for it. So if you're feeling amplified by something right now, it might be lack of money. If you're feeling amplified by something, it might be because you have a lot of money. It's always good to surround yourself with people who have had a lot of experience in their life, because I want you to know, especially in times right now in the world where some people are up, a lot of people are down. I want you to know that money is literally not the scoreboard. Your decisions and how you're going to come back from it and what you've learned from whatever is happening in your business right now is because it's just going to amplify what you believe. If you believe your business was failing or that you don't have what it takes or that you're not good at this and the money is not backing it up, then it makes it real easy to amplify that and believe it. So there also is this place where it's like working around detaching yourself from the meaning of what money means to you, right? Money can be a result of something, and maybe the result right now is trying to show you that you're misaligned, or maybe the result is just trying to show you that the money has moved and times have changed and AI has come in, and where is it going now, and what do you need, and what are you gonna— what are you going to put the burden of your happiness on? Is it going to be money, or is it going to be figuring out what you want to do next? Is it going to be figuring out how to help other people? What are you going to do to disconnect yourself from the identity of money when it goes up and down? Because let me tell you, as an entrepreneur, it absolutely will. Because even if you're winning, then you're probably gonna take your money and place it on a gambling bet of how to expand it, which is an investment. And so you absolutely are gonna be somebody whose life is going to go, if you have your, um, identity based on money, all up, down, all around. So the detachment of that, knowing at the end of the day who you are, what you wanna do, what you wanna be to people, how you wanna show up in the world. And that typically gets the result eventually of money in the bank. But detaching yourself from it is one of the most important things that you can possibly do. So you guys, I hope these little entrepreneurial lessons help you because let me just tell you, you're not in it alone. I am literally right here from somebody who has had a ton of success, a ton of failures, has literally gotten their ass handed to her multiple times. I will tell you to still go for it if you know in your heart that you are meant to do so, because I don't want you to have regrets at the end of your life. And I do believe that everything is happening for you and your evolution, and I know that you can make it through literally anything with the right people in your life, just like I can. So I'm sending you so much love, and until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone.