3 Things to Overcome When You're the First To Break A Pattern In Your Family

Growing up, all I heard was, you know, that money is hard to come by. That's probably something that is never going to happen in my life. And so I had to break that belief. And I'm the first person to be, you know, a millionaire in my family, which is crazy. You really have to first believe that. And going first is challenging because you are going against everything that you believe. And we're back with another episode of He Said she she said, and I.

Wish we were back together. I miss you, babe.

I know. We are traveling fools. You are on the road. You're in Virginia.

Yep, with my team.

I'm back in Newport Beach. And we have to do these on Zoom right now. So that's what's happening.

That's how you just get it done. You make it happen.

It is how you get it done. And we were just discussing some topics that we want to talk about, and I was updating you that I watched part of Jamie Her Lima's book launch. And on the book launch, she had such incredible people, you guys. She had Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, Maria Shriver, Brendan Burchard, Ed Mylett. But some of the things that really stood out to me that I want to chat about today is Ed was talking about how in your family, there's always the one. And he was talking about the one that goes first to break a pattern, to be the first person to do something that has never happened in the family, whether that is go to college, be an entrepreneur, break a pattern of alcoholism or of abuse, whatever that is, there's always the one. And that really got me to thinking about that person who takes that very first journey. And I thought about this in my family, Chris, and I thought about this for you. But sometimes when you are the one to go first, you can feel like you're failing on that path because you don't have anything to compare it to and not just feel like you're feeling. I remember so many times where I felt like I was crazy because you're doing something that you've never seen emulated for you before. And oftentimes, all the people around you will talk about the fact that you're different or crazy or they'll make you feel bad about it because it is very disruptive to the nucleus of whatever you were from. So I want to know for you, is there something in your family that you feel like you went first on?

Well, yes. And let me just add to what you just said. It's very disruptive to their belief system when you're the first to go. Right? And I'm going to share an example of what I was the first to do. You're going to share an example of what you're the first to do. But you got to remember the people around you, your family, your closest friends, they have a belief system. And when you're the first to do something that is abnormal to their current belief system, then you're asking them to change a lifetime of truths of what they think is the best way or what they think is truth. And so that already inherently is tough. The people that you want to be loved by the most, the people that you want to be accepted by the most, you're asking them to radically change what is true to them throughout life. That's one of the things that makes it toughest. The other thing that makes it toughest, and this is a shout out to everyone who's going first in any area of their life, is like you said, you don't have a model around you to follow. So you make more mistakes, you're feeling your way around in the dark, you're guessing and checking, right? And so you know, if you're the first to lose weight, you're going to do crazy diets. If you're the first to make money, you're going to make financial mistakes, if you're the first to run a business, you're going to have cash flow problems. If you're right, like you're going to make more mistakes than somebody else who's not the first to go. So major props to anyone who is going first for those reasons. Now, in my family, I was the first entrepreneur. And you know, my, my family had a real prideful history of military service at a high level and going to incredible schools and then getting really good professional jobs. And that's what they wanted for me. Now, first of all, what 80s family didn't want that for their kid? Like that was just the thing to do in the 80s. You got to go to a good school and then get a good job, right? That they thought that was the only path, but really mine was extra serious about it because no one was an entrepreneur prior to me being an entrepreneur. Now caveat. My mom always had the entrepreneurial gene. We would dream up businesses when I was a kid. We would daydream about them, we'd talk about them, we'd make little business models and all that stuff. So my mom always had the entrepreneurial dream, but never really pursued it for one reason or another. But my dad and my grandpa and my great grandpa and My uncle on. On their side, my dad's brother. They were all very serious officers in the military that went to the best schools, you know, Kings Point and Annapolis and West Point and all those schools. And then they did their time in the military, and then they went and they got really highly professional jobs, and that's the route they wanted for me. So the example of going first was the first one to break the streak of military service. And I remember that was real tough. I felt so ashamed doing that. And weird little side note, as an adult, I wish I would have served. I really do. But that's not what this is about. This is about having the courage to be like, that's not for me right now. I don't want to go to one of those academies. I don't want to go to one of those schools, and I don't want to serve. I want to be out participating in the economy. So then what happened? The next best thing? Well, then you got to go to a good college. So they helped me get into a really good college, but because I didn't want to be there because I already wanted to be out building businesses and participating in the economy, I sabotaged it. Like Lori, I got booted out of a college because the last semester that I was there, as they're just over two years, the last semester that I was there, I never bought a single textbook, and I never went to a single class. And I mean, not one.

One.

Not even one by accident. I just.

That'll do it.

That'll do it. And that was my third semester in a row on academic probation. So then they're like, just don't come back. You're out of here. We're not taking your money anymore. So then I was the first to get kicked out of a college. Not that that was the goal, but this. That all led to me being the first one to want to experience entrepreneurship. So I knew I needed a job when I got kicked out of college, and I went and I got a job at a car dealership because I loved cars. And I learned two great things at the car dealership. I learned the ability to sell and the ability to lead, because I got a leadership position real quickly after being there. But guess what? A lot of the guys there, because car sales is a 100% commission job, so there's an entrepreneurial spirit to it. And a lot of the guys there, they always had side hustles before side hustles were a thing. And, you know, little side businesses, and they had all tried businesses in the past. So I got the bug, or I got the confirmation. I should say that, yeah, I want a business. So I tried all sorts of things. I actually started a janitorial service where I'd clean bars and offices in the middle of the night. And then, you know, ended up having to hire my mom to help with that. And then when I lost interest with that, I kind of, like, gave it to my mom, and she was like, I don't want to do this. So that was my first failure. And then I tried another business where it was like an on your honor vending system. We built these vending boxes that you put in offices, and people are supposed to, on your honor, put the dollar in and take the snack out. And I learned real quickly about humans that they're not very good at math and they're not very good at accountability, and they're not very good at doing the right thing at the right time. So that thing was defunct. And I tried all these businesses that failed. So then what happened? When you try businesses that fail, you think, well, maybe I'm not good at this. Now remember, I'm 21, 22, no guidance, right? So you think, maybe I'm not good at this. And then you go take a more secure job. And that's when I got into banking. And banking was good to me until it wasn't. And when the recession hit in 08 09, it handed our ass to us. And that's what forced me into entrepreneurship, where I belonged all along. And finally, it turned out to be a great story, obviously. So it was full of failures and heartaches and uncomfortable conversations and not following family traditions and making lots of mistakes because no one around me had been an entrepreneur before is full of all of that. Going first. What was your version of going first?

Well, I'm listening to you talk, and you're really making me think about the belief system. So I think I was the first to believe that we weren't genetically overweight, that it was something that could be broken. And so I remember sitting around the table when I was young. I was anywhere between like 8 and 10. And I remember I was already getting into fitness. I used to love to watch, number one. I was obsessed with gymnastics, and they were athletes. And I was also starting to, I think fitness America was on tv. So it was like, you know, probably like this old school, like aerobic routines and stuff. And I was obsessed. I was obsessed with exercise, like the women who exercised on tv, all of that stuff. Because I think to me, that represented like, Power and confidence. I was like, if you look that way, you must feel that way. And so I remember sitting around the table and I. I must have been talking about, you know, exercise or wanting to lose weight or something, and they're like, well, just wait. This was all of my aunts sitting around a table. They're like, just wait. You're going to be fat like us. Like, it doesn't matter. What you do is what they told me. It doesn't matter.

Did they say it was the Baker way?

Yes, you're just going to be heavy. And so I was like, oh, my gosh, I reject that. So that was the first. I think I was the first. Well, I know I was the first one to reject that belief that we were genetically cursed. That that's just the truth of what they believed. And I thought, okay, well, let me. Let me figure some stuff out here. Like, if we're genetically cursed, then why is it that these people in these magazines that I'm learning about are eating totally different, they're living a completely different lifestyle, they're moving their bodies all of the time. What if I did those things? What would happen for me? And, you know, through the years I learned, wow, go figure. If you do these different things and think a different way. That was a huge one. Then you can get a different result. And it had to start with me believing that that wasn't our truth. And I know that just by me believing it wasn't my truth, it really rocked the boat. Like, it really ruffled some feathers because it bothered people that I would not be eating the same way as them. Like, it was really a thing. It was in their face, and they were like, oh, well, you can't eat that because you want to be fit, or you can't have this right, because you want to be this way. It was all of these comments all of the time around me wanting to be different, and they weren't said in a supportive way. And it's not because they didn't love me. That's what I want to clarify. I come from a very loving family. It's because it shook their foundation at a level that would mean that if they believed this was possible, too, they would have to change habits that they use as all of their joy. They would have to change habits that, like, foundationally rock who they think they are and how they show up in the world every single day. And I get that. That is very confronting because it was confronting for me. It's like all of my joy and everything that I learned was in my face. It was like, oh, my God, this is one of the most challenging habits I will ever have to break. And to be honest, I didn't even break the eating habit until I moved out of the house, because I talk about this all the time, but your environment is stronger than your willpower. I was able to start exercising, but I just could not get the nutrition thing dialed in to save my life until I actually moved out and left that environment. And then the second thing was that really I chose to go first on was believing that I didn't have to be poor. It was believing that I was worthy of money. It was believing that I was capable of making money. It was believing that I was smart enough to make money. And growing up, all I heard was, you know, that money is hard to come by, that rich people are jerks, and that that's probably something that is never going to happen in my life. And so I had to break that belief. And I'm the first person to be, you know, a millionaire in my family, which is crazy to think about that. You really have to first believe that. And going first is. Is challenging because you are going against everything that you believe. And let me tell you, it makes. It makes all of your family gatherings, especially the first year or two that you decide to be different and believe something different. It makes it one of the most challenging things that you'll go back to because you will be so tempted. It will be so easy to slip back into the old version of you. In fact, it'll be the easiest thing you've ever done to slip back into the old version of you so that you can feel loved and relate to those people. Because we desire those connections. We don't want to be rejected by our family. We don't want to make them feel bad. So that is where the biggest challenge will lie.

And, Lori, I gotta add a couple things too. There's gonna be little moments where they accidentally try to sabotage your path. Now, remember, you had a loving family. I came from a loving family.

Totally the best.

They give you advice from a place of loving you that is wrong. Meaning. I remember when I wanted to leave the mortgage bank that I was a partner in, but it was a bad partnership. I remember my parents saying to me, well, that seems like it's really secure. You should be leaving that just to go build this fitness thing with Lori and the supplement thing. That seems kind of risky. Don't you want to stay where you already have a good thing going? And it would have been horrible advice to Stay as a partner in that mortgage bank. Horrible advice. But from their perspective, they thought security was better than taking risk. So they thought they were giving me loving advice. Right. So you're going to have these moments where you have accidental sabotage given to you in a very convincing way that you're going to have to overcome when you're the first person to do something in your family. And if I had to kind of put a little formula to this, you know, the first step is you have to be brave, meaning you got to be brave to go against the grain or the tradition of your loved ones. Then the second thing is you're going to have to be resilient because you're going to have more headwinds like accidental sabotage and like not having an advice around you because no one else went first, whether it's losing weight or whether it's building a business or changing your finances. Right. So you have to be more resilient than the average person on that journey. And then the third thing we haven't really talked about that is you have to have more resourcefulness. You got to find the answers on your own. You have to be willing to sign up for a lot of trial and error. One of the things that I always laugh about is when you were at the beginning of your fitness journey, remember you used to make something called dough turds because they were fat free. Explain what those are.

Oh, my God. Okay. So it was during the whole fat free craze. And I was like, okay, if I just do everything fat free, like, I will keep this weight off or lose this weight. And so I would look at ingredients that were fat free. Okay, well, I loved you guys. I was like a carboholic. I actually hated meat. I, like, didn't eat any meat, which is really hard, as, you know, to stay in good shape if you are eating all carbs. So I learned that flour was fat free. And then if I just added water to it, I could technically actually cook that and create some form of what was sort of like bread. And I could dip it in honey because honey was fat free. So I would like. I had zero fat in my diet. Like, zero fat pretty much. And I started losing my hair. That's a side effect. But I would eat these dough turds every day. And I called them dough turds lovingly, because they looked like big fat turds. If you do. If you do water, if you do water and flour, I mean, it's not like a nice soft loaf of anything. Well, kind of. But it is like, it's sticky. It doesn't, it doesn't rise. It looks disgusting. And I would put like, I'm not even kidding you, I would do like a cup or cup and a half of this and I would have the whole thing every day after school, after middle school, I made these and ate them. So yes, Those are dotards.

2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever, ever, that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started, you guys. I use Shopify for Glo and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did.

And that I use Shopify.

It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match. Your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built in too. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the same dashboard. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy that shopify.com happy hear your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side. There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you. And when you want more, when you're starting a business, you need Northwest Registered Agent because you get access to thousands of free guides, tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. And it's all in one place. You can build your complete business identity with Northwest Today. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow business for nearly 330 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. You can sign up for free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer, drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale, and more at no cost. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it like operating agreements, meeting minutes, and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait, protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com Earn free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent@www.northwestregisteredagent.com earn free.

That is downright hilarious. You know, here's a mistake I made when I was in my When I was a partner in a mortgage bank, I learned or I started to suspect that I was being taken advantage of on the P and L. But I didn't know how to read a P and L right because I went first. No one ever taught me what a P and L was or how to read one. So I didn't dig into the finances of the very bank that I owned part of. And I started to suspect, wait, you know, this is not adding up, that's not adding up, that's not adding up. And I won't go into details. But to be resourceful, when I said you got to learn to be resourceful, I had to go learn online how to, you know, what's a P and L? How do I read a P and L? What should I look for and just kind of Google my way to a knowledge so I could go and verify. Sure enough, there's some shenanigans going on here and that turned into the toxic environment where, you know, I exited for less than I should have. And you know, is it shame on them or shame on me? Shame on, I guess nobody. Because it's your responsibility to know what you're supposed to know when you go first. But you it's also shame on the situation of there's no way you could have known. You don't know. You know the old adage, you don't know what you don't know. You don't know these things until you encounter them. But then it's your job to be resourceful and find a way to learn them. So that's kind of going to add to those headwinds. But then you got to be resourceful to overcome those headwinds. Anyway, let's wrap this thing up by saying if you're going first in any area of life right now, in any, I don't care if it's business, finance, personal relationship, physical makeup, doesn't matter if you're going first, hats off to you because the thing we didn't talk about is you're going to change your family tree forever. Like I, we now have businesses that employ our whole family. Lori, because we went first in entrepreneurship, you now have changed the way your brother views his financial future and what he does with his finances because you had to first learn your finances. Right. And we now have family members that eat healthier and live better and all these other things because you went first in the fitness realm. So we're changing our family tree forever. And that's the reward of going first. That's the best reward of going first is you get to be the person that says, no more, no longer. This does not have to be our genes. This does not have to be our pattern. And you get the reward of knowing that you changed your family's trajectory forever.

It definitely. It feels the worst in the beginning. But I promise you, if you stick with it, you get the reward of looking around and going, I cannot believe that I did this. I can't believe it. Not everyone will go with you, but you'll definitely have a few in the few that you do. They will continue to change everything moving forward as well.

Yep. Well, listen, part of being resourceful is finding the people around you that are willing to help you. And that's why we created Roundtable. So at the time of this recording coming out, we are opening seats to the roundtable this week. And so I want you to, as soon as you hear this, go to Chrisharder me roundtable to try and be one of those 15 entrepreneurs in the room where we spend 48 hours in person collaborating on your business. You're getting the opinion of the other 14 entrepreneurs, plus me and my team on your business for 48 hours. The way that we've designed it is absolutely brilliant. And it's our best, our best bang for your buck investment. And it moves the needle the fastest out of everything that we have to offer. So literally, at the end of this episode, hit stop and go to Chrisharder me Roundtable. Again, that is Chrisharder Meroundtable. And if there's a seed available. Grab it, grab it, grab it.

You guys were so grateful for you and we will talk to you next week.

Thanks for listening, guys. Love and appreciate you.

Sam.