303: Divorce Your Negative Patterns

If I really start looking at what I enjoy, what's in my world right now that I could just take to the next level of cooperation, like, this is somebody else doing something similar to me. How can I cooperate with how it's coming into my space? Like, can I go ask them for a coffee and see how we can help each other or connect with each other? Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time for inspiration. You guys putting on your makeup, driving in your car, walking your dog, taking a little break. There's always time to choose the way you want your thoughts to go. And let's face it, we're humans. So if we're not checking in, our thoughts are probably in the crapper. So let's just be really real. It's a constant checking. It's a constant self awareness. You know, I had a friend and I know that I believe Gabby Bernstein did this as well, that set a timer every hour in the beginning of her journey. Really switching her thoughts of where are your thoughts at? Where are your thoughts at? Every hour setting a timer to as a reminder of you choose them and what's your default? Because I know my default thought response is not super awesome most of the time, but I have that amazing habit now of saying, whoa, I just caught myself thinking that. I just caught myself thinking something negative. I just caught myself thinking something awful about myself. I just caught myself totally going down a fear spiral. So where are your thoughts at? And this is such a beautiful way to check in and switch our thoughts and remember, hey girl or guy. I know some guys. Listen to this. You are so normal that so human of you. Like sometimes I'll just say that I'll be like, oh, that's so human of me. Okay, choose again. So if you have not gotten your tickets yet for the Bliss project, I have to remind you right now, because they are probably. I mean, I'm not sure, but they might sell out a couple months prior because they are going really fast right now. And I am in the process of locking in all the speakers. So usually once I announce all of the speakers, it can tend to sell out. So if you want to join us, I'm telling you, if you're ready to just really, completely change your perspective and really rock your world in one weekend. You guys, I started doing events because events changed my life, and I took everything from the events that changed my life and I put them all into one weekend. So it's not just all about speakers, and it's not just about me speaking. It's not just about coming together. It is about coming together, getting the speakers, listening to music, meditating, yoga, doing the work, being in facilitated groups, actually having a reference point, trying on those things that scare you, participating as much or as little as you want. So don't get freaked out. It's your opportunity to try on that bigger version of you that you know you are. So you can go to theblissproject.info to grab your ticket right now. And apparently I'm still fighting a little bit of a cold because if you haven't noticed, in the last few episodes, I've had a really raspy radio voice. So we're just going to deal with it. We're going to go with it. So, talking about participation, that brings me to this opening quote of what we're going to chat about today. Wayne Dyer says, conflict cannot survive without your participation. And I was listening to an amazing podcast that has still stayed with me. It's a Tony Robbins podcast with his wife, Sage. And also he was interviewing Michael Singer, who wrote the Surrender Experiment and the Untethered Soul. I know that's so many people's favorite book. And I will say, this podcast just was such a reminder of the idea that nothing really matters. And when I say that, I mean it's all in our minds and how we are perceiving life and the things that are being said and the things that we're taking personal. And it's about observing, you know, being the observer in your mind about the things that are going on in your life. And this really brings up the word participation. And I really started thinking about this today, and I loved it. Because when you think about participation, are you participating with life in the way that you want? Because life has been going on for thousands and thousands and thousands of years, and it's been working the world Works, nature works, and you haven't had to do anything. One person in this whole world plays such a small role in the world that when you really look at it that way, it's kind of like, okay, so life is going on and life is coming at you, and life is coming to you, and life is happening all around you. And it's always been happening. And people have always been successful, and they've always been not successful, and they've always been getting hurt or learning lessons or doing business or failing at business or losing business or winning in business or, you know, whatever that is. It's always been going on. So how do you want to participate with this life that is going on all around you? And just like that quote, conflict cannot survive without your participation. And I thought this was so interesting because there's so many things that you can participate in that are positive. So success and positive things and happiness cannot survive without your participation. So every day, the opportunities of failure and success simultaneously exist, of happiness and sadness simultaneously are always existing. Right? And the only thing that is the variable within these things, because some people are in a situation that you would call horribly sad or tragic, yet they're finding themselves in it, and they're finding the happiness along the way in the journey or the meaning, right? They're making meaning out of it by maybe taking something tragic that happened to them and turning it into a survivor story and going, going out and taking that beautiful story and turning it and participating in it in a different way. So how are you participating with your life? What are you participating in? Are you taking participation in what your mom said to you this morning that really upset you, and you're participating in the negative side of that conversation, and you're participating in keeping it going, and you're participating in the thoughts around why she hurt you before and why it's so upsetting, and why can't she support you around something? When I say your mom, I can be anyone. It could be your boss, it could be your. Your spouse, it could be your daughter, it could be your family. It could be anything. It could be someone online who offended you. Are you participating in the thoughts that are keeping that going in your life? Or are you participate, like letting go, divorcing. Right. Getting that out of your life and letting go and participating in something that actually brings you the objectives that you are looking for? So I heard something that was just so simple but so true. And it was. You know, so many people get divorced. Like, they say the word, it's done in the paperwork they're physically divorced, but they're not mentally divorced. Because in their mind they're still participating in that marriage and in that problem and what went wrong and in this relationship. Relationship. So divorce is, is just a word, it's not an actual thing. Like it's. I just thought that was so incredibly mind blowing. Like, wow, they're actually not mentally divorced. Like, this brought up the topic of religion for me because what, what happened for me when I was younger that I was able to kind of compare this to in my life was, you know, when you, in the religion that I was raised in, you got baptized when you were older, but the baptism was just the physical significance of what you committed to in a, like a personal prayer or this long term, or not long term, but this actual thing that you went through between yourself and God. Like you went through a ceremony of commitment in your mind and in your soul and in your body. And then the baptism was the actual physical thing. So we're doing physical things all the time. We're saying physical things all the time. Maybe we're quitting a relationship or a friend, but we're still participating in our mind. So it's actually still happening. Like you're still in it and life is going on and you're participating in the thing that you don't want and you don't understand why it's still going on, but your thoughts are choosing to participate in it. So this was also interesting because growing up in a just different upbringing where I didn't celebrate holidays and I was homeschooled through high school, but I did go to elementary school and middle school participation, it's bringing this word in because this is a really powerful word for me right now. I would be amongst it. So I'd be amongst the kids who were doing the holiday crafts, singing the holiday songs, celebrating a birthday, having the cupcakes, whatever that looks like. But I wasn't participating, as in I wasn't doing the things and I wasn't thinking the things and I wasn't internally, you know, celebrating and I wasn't thinking of what that represented. So it was, it wasn't just not the action of not eating the cupcake or not making the Christmas tree, but it was literally like, like when participation was talked about in that basis for me as a kid, it was, you're also not mentally participating. Like you're detaching from the idea of why they're doing it and you're, you know, you're thinking of something else. So participation is, it's A mental thing. What are you mentally participating in? And life is constantly giving us every opportunity to participate in anything and everything. So participation also brought in another word for me, and it actually brought in a lot of words, and I love words, and I love quotes. Can you tell almost every podcast? So it brought in cooperate, and participating in the positive light, brought in the word. Are you cooperating? Because there's so much that's coming into my space, and cooperating for me is like, what is coming into my space? That's easy. It doesn't mean people are waltzing into my life and they're like, oh, look at this great opportunity, and just cooperate with it. It's like, what I'm thinking of this year. What's EAS and fun for me. And when I say that, it doesn't mean there's not work behind it. But what. What feel? What do I get lost in? What feels the best to me? What do I enjoy the most? Even though so much work is still involved? Like, at the end of the day, you guys, I don't care if it's your dream job or not. There's blood, sweat, and tears involved. So make sure that ultimately you enjoy it and you want to be a part of the impact that it's creating. So are you cooperating? And I'm kind of looking at what is easiest in my life and what is kind of like coming in my realm. And it's. It's podcasting, and I love events, and, like, that's something that I can create. And people who are kind of talking about events are coming into my world, and I'm like, okay, if I really start looking at what I enjoy, what's in my world right now, that I could just take to the next level of cooperation, like, is somebody else doing something similar to me? How can I cooperate with how it's coming into my space? Like, can I go ask them for a coffee and see how we can help each other or connect with each other? Can I really start looking at what's coming into my world about podcasting in live events? And how can I cooperate with the things that are in my world or creating that? So along with cooperate came collaborate and co create. Don't you love these words? Write this down. Like, write this down on your mirror. Participate, collaborate, co create and cooperate with your life. Like, participate in the things that you love and stop participating in the things that are not bringing the feeling and the joy that you want. Because that's all it is, you guys, is a choice to participate in the Bullshit. Like legitimately, right now, your brain can be participating with bullshit. And it's a choice. Like, you can be in your car and you can be stuck on something and you can be rethinking it and you're like, no, I don't want to be thinking this and why is this in my world? And what's going. And she needs to apologize or he needs to apologize or this was wr. Whatever that looks like. Of course we need to feel it. But what's the most limited amount of letting or what, what can you do to truly let go while going through it? And another mantra from that podcast that I was talked about in the beginning of this was, I can get through this. And I talked about this on my last podcast too. Sometimes when I say things like, it's all going to be okay, it's all going to turn out great, I'm like, maybe not. Because things have, have not turned out okay for me. And even though they haven't turned out okay, they've ended up turning out. It was for the better, right? It was to make me better. Learn a lesson, learn where not to go, learn what not to do, learn new language, learn not to, you know, just so many things, so many lessons have come from things that have not been good. And really the mantra instead of, you know, this is all going to turn out great. When you're in a of crap situation, maybe your brain doesn't cling on to that one. As much as I can get through this, and that's just been so powerful for me to know, like, you can get through this. You're gonna, like, you can do this, you can do hard things. It won't take you down. Humans are incredibly resilient. You will get through. And when you get through, there will be things on the other side that will add to your life, that will make you more wise, that will make you stronger. And no, it's not, it's not all awesome. But if you have that belief, you guys, that's going to pull you through so many things and some of you are like, yeah, I don't know if I believe that. If you have the belief that everything you know is for you and can make you better and, and I say to that there's only two belief systems and you can stay in the belief of why is this happening to me? And no, things don't happen for a reason and things don't make me better and it's just a bunch of crap and life sucks. Okay, you can totally do that. Like, that is definitely one train of thought or the other one and you can stay there like I have no problem with it. My your happiness is not my responsibility. Neither is your transformation. Neither is how you feel about me. Your opinion does not up like it's not my. Your opinion of me or the things or that or what I talk about or positivity is not my responsibility. But on the other side, right? The other belief is that everything is happening for you and that no matter what happens, you can get through it and you can create a powerful meaning from it, right?

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So we've got two trains of thought. You pick. I'm just gonna say it. I think I'm a pretty realistic, logical person, so I can see how some people would think that these trains of thought are like, oh, the positive. Like the positive one is baloney. But at the same time I'm like, okay, well if we're always just making up our own world and we create our own world in our mind, why wouldn't you create the one that actually is empowering and you can have some happiness on like there's only two trains of thought, you guys. You can be miserable from the things happening, happening to you because shit happens to you in this life and it's going to. Or you can say, this happened to me, it sucked, I'm better for it. And I can tell you all of the things that I'm better for because all of these things happen. You pick. And you know what? The belief system that I have is run so deep at this point that it's like, okay, I can get through it and I can create a powerful meaning from it. So no matter what happens, I'm just gonna be better. And in the middle of it. Yeah, that. It's like, you can't think of that yet.

But.

But it is what gets me through. Or you can't see it yet in the middle of it, but it is what gets me through. It is. I'm like, all right, this is a part of life. When we resist it and we think it shouldn't be happening is when we stay miserable, when we say, this is a part of life, this is a part of life, and I can get through this and create a powerful meaning from it on the other side in the future, then that's going to get you through. So if there's only two trains of thought, you pick, you guys, you pick and just be really aware of what you're choosing, and then, then be good with it. Like, make peace with it. If you want to be miserable, then that's the choice. Make peace with it. Be a peaceful, miserable person. I don't think those exist, by the way, because misery loves company. So I don't think you. You go peacefully. But from my experience being miserable, miserable, I sure loved to pull other people down to my level and experience that misery with me. My misery loved large amounts of wine, you know, so if that's where you're at, then that's where you choose and at least you get some extra wine. So, hey, that's an empowering thought. All right, you guys, I am so grateful for you, and I'm going to cut myself off from the rambling, but I really pray that this helped you choose just a better path, a better train of thought today. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to just text it, send it, forward it to somebody who, you know, might need a just like a little bit of a lift or a little bit of a virtual hug just to know they're not alone and they're so human. And I'm sending you guys so much love. I'm grateful for you. And if you have not yet listened to a Q and A day, they are super fun. If you love quotes, I'm always talking about my favorite quotes, answering questions, and giving away prizes on that podcast. So every week I give away a prize or a free mug and I'm shouting out people for a review. So if you want to go on and review, I shout out a review of the week and I shout out anyone who ask questions with their handles so that everybody can know who is listening and asking questions. So you guys go over and listen to the Q and A. Otherwise, send me a Q A via email and you can also write a review and you might get chosen for a review of the week. We might show you out and we might send you an awesome earn your happy mug. They're so cute. There's like gold on the them. They're amazing. I don't know if you like coffee mugs as much as me, but I hope you do. All right, you guys. Sending love. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the Earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely, absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.