306: Overcome Your Excuses Now

Life is not that serious. You guys just do what makes you feel good. Do what lights you up, do what's written on your soul. And yes, people are also going to criticize, but just make sure that you like you. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the podcast. And it's time for another quickie, because there's always time to fit in inspiration, and you are making that time. And I really believe that the little wins are the big wins. I don't believe it. I know it. It's been proven in my life. So take a minute to just celebrate a little win today. Whether it's just listening to personal development, whether it's getting to the gym, whether it was just thinking more positively, whether it was not stopping by the mirror and saying, oh, my God, I feel so fat today, and instead just sending your body love like little wins, you guys, those are the things that you actually have to acknowledge every single day. Do you talk more positively to yourself? Did you let something go a little bit quicker? Did you not take something personal? Were you able to separate emotion from business today? What was it? Celebrate it. So I'm super pumped because it is that time of year where you are either really excited about this fresh slate, feeling the turn of the new year. You have these new ideas, maybe you have these new goals, and most of us really are still excited, but, man, that flips so fast in the new year, right? So what I want to talk about today is excuses. Yes, excuses, you guys. Because an excuse is truly something that you have to search for and choose. And some of you are like, no, for real, my life is really hard. I have 27 children. I can't escape my house. I am super in debt. And while that is all real, there's always a way out, right? There's always a way to start changing the situation that you're in. So if you have these massive goals or if you have these small goals, Whatever it is, but they're already starting to not feel attainable or you're already starting to look for excuses. Number one, we're gonna. I wanna go through how to really flip perspective on that and also what you can do to start changing the excuses and realize that you actually have solutions. So first we have to look at, as you set your goals, what are the main things that are coming up in your head? So if you can do this at all, if you're listening in your car right now, that's awesome. But if you can also replay this once you get to somewhere with some paper. Like, I don't know about you, but I am all about pen and paper. Like, there's actually something that physically happens and connects to my brain. And just on a soul level, when I touch a pen to a pad of paper and I can actually write out how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, I think it's a super spiritual practice and it really helps things come through. So when you get home, I want you to write out what is the story that I'm telling myself right now about myself, about what's possible for my life. And then I want you to write out what's the story that I'm telling myself about what's not possible for my life. And then. And you can answer this right now in your head. So if you're driving or you know you're not gonna go back to this podcast, start answering these questions in your head. So what is your goal this year, the main goal that you would like to accomplish? Just really sit and think. If you had to narrow it down to one thing, what is the main goal that you would like to see happen this year? So once you have that goal and you've kind of painted that vision in your mind, I want you to then write out what is the main thing that is stopping you or what's the belief that is stopping you from thinking that you can accomplish this goal? Like, what's the main fear? What's the main story you're telling yourself around that goal? Is it that you're not smart enough? Is it that you don't have the connections? Is it that you're not a hard worker? Is it that you don't follow through? Is it that you get lazy? Is it that you get disinterested? What is it? Okay, so write that down. And the next thing that you're going to do is you're going to start writing solutions. Because there is a beautiful Ray Dalio quote I'm reading the book Principles right now. And he just really breaks down how to achieve goals in anything in life and just really even how to navigate relationships with people. And I think that's a big part of achieving goals as well, because we have to create relationships and understand. Understand how to navigate them and separate, you know, emotions from business and business from life and so many different things. So there's a beautiful quote that says, it's not a weakness if you can find a solution, right? It's not a weakness if you can find solutions. So this really got me to thinking in my life where, you guys, I am like, I have really, really incredible strengths, and I'm aware of that. Like, I'm a visionary. I am a creat creative. I have ideas. Like, I am an idea machine. I can see how things could work and why they would work, and I can see how people will respond to different things. And I can understand people really well. But when it comes to actually breaking down ideas and implementing them, like, making sure that I stay on course, I am so challenged. I mean, if I don't find people and work with people and hire people who help me implement things, nothing gets done. So when people are like, oh, my God, you do so much stuff, how do you do it? I'm just the idea machine. I just sit and think about it and process it and do content. But if I had to put that up on the site, if I had to edit it, if I had to, like, make sure things were out at a certain time, if I didn't have people telling me that this absolutely has to happen and done by this date, and if I didn't have editors for this podcast and producers and people doing my tiles and all of that stuff, nothing would happen. So I have to have those people. So a lot of the things that I did to create solutions in the beginning were even bartering. If I didn't have the money for these people yet. Yes, I had to do a lot of the stuff on my own in the very beginning, but nothing was really coming out when I wanted it to. It wasn't getting done on time. My content was like, oh, my God, an eighth of what it is, because I couldn't handle it. It was way too much. My content was unedited. It was bad. It was like, randomly coming out. There would be a newsletter one week and you wouldn't get another one for six more weeks. Like, and it would all be, you know, not edited. Great. It was just not good. So I started bartering in the beginning, like, okay, what do I have that could offer value to someone who is an editor. What do I have that could offer value to someone who could help with a website? Or how could I get money off of this website? Now, I don't recommend doing that for that long. I highly recommend getting the money that you get back from whatever your putting out there back into your business. So in the beginning of your business, I really think if you're doing it right, you're probably not making any money. Yes, you're paying yourself for what you need to survive, but literally everything in the beginning goes back into my business. I still have massive parts of my business that when there's anything new coming out, you can imagine that there is tons of money going in. So I think that's where a lot of people get really overwhelmed, is thinking like, well, how can I pay for that? Or how do people do it? But in the beginning, you might have to barter and you might not have the. It might not look how you want. Like, if I look back at my websites and my content, it was bad. Like, it was not awesome, but it worked. And people went to it and they didn't care. Like they don't care. It's about the energy you're putting behind it and the words that you're putting out. So nobody cares. Let it go. If you don't let it go and you do care and you need it to be perfect and the perfection is stopping you, then guess what, you're ultimately just losing anyway. So stop caring, let go and just get your shit out into the world. And if you're like, oh, it still has to be perfect, then I'm sorry, you never actually will experience what it feels like to truly know what you're living into your purposes. Because living into your purpose does not mean it's perfect. It means you're actually taking messy action, right? You're actually taking frequent messy action. So that first part of that is to overcome that story. Overcome that first story. What do you need to do first to overcome that first story? And I want you to list even further all of the different obstacles around the goal. Like, list them out. And let's be really aware that when I say obstacles, I've just switched the language. So what used to be an excuse for you? What used to be like, oh, here's why I can't do it, or here's what's gonna happen is work gets in the way, or my friends always go out on Wednesdays, weekends. Really, I don't want to give up my weekend. Or maybe I work all weekend, whatever that looks like. List the excuse and don't skip past one excuse that you've written down. List every single excuse. This is so powerful, you guys. Sit and list every single excuse of why you cannot do this thing or why you think you can't do it.

Cause that's all it is.

It's not why you can't do it. You're choosing to think that you can't. So you're finding excuses. So find every single excuse. Just get it out there. Like, literally search for them. You can call them excuses, or you can call them obstacles. And then on the other side of the excuse or obstacle, write a solution. There's always a solution. So if you tell me that you cannot come up with one, you're not trying hard enough, and you're not yet thinking in the way of a person who could accomplish the goals that you desire. Because I could sit here and I can bust out every single excuse in the book of why I think I can't accomplish some of the biggest goals in my life. But I'm also equally realistic to say that I could. If I searched hard enough, I could find a solution to every single one. So if you're still in a state of saying, no, there's no solution for that, then you're actually choosing excuses, and you're actually choosing to not do the thing. Because that's not real life. That's actually a choice. So if you're like, no, I'm afraid, and I have anxiety, okay, well, guess what? Someone who was afraid and had anxiety did the thing that you think you can't do. Like, go find them so that it can just bust that excuse. Right? Because there are people out there doing it times 10. So you're either choosing to believe that you can't because you're not yet ready to do the thing because it's uncomfortable. Let's just really, really break it down. You're probably afraid that it's gonna be too much work or that it's uncomfortable or that it's scary, or that you're gonna get judged or you're gonna get criticized, or your family's gonna cast you out, or your friends are gonna get rid of you, or people are gonna, like, put a big public display of shaming or whatever that is. And you know what? All of that could happen. Totally. But are you feeding that? Are you living into that? Are you buying into that? If you're feeding that and you're living into that and you're buying that, and you think that's gonna happen, then of course you're not gonna do the thing and you'll never know. And you know what? I have had massive criticism and things have gone terribly wrong. And I have felt like I didn't wanna get out of bed a lot of mornings in a row because I was either super sad, super hurt, ashamed, felt like, you know, the whole world was against me. There's been a lot of shit that has gone down in my life, and I thank God for all of it. So just keep moving ahead. And here's the thing. Do this with somebody that you love. Do this with someone else who also has massive goals. Hold each other accountable and feed each other's faith. Like, at the end of the day, yeah, you are going to get criticism, and then you're going to have to have that person that says, okay, yeah, they said that, or, okay, maybe you shouldn't have said it that way. Or, yeah, maybe, you know, you do need to apologize, but you're fricking amazing. And we're all human and this happens to everyone. You guys, we are all just doing the best we can do, and we got this one life. So if you want to live it, you got to live it. Like, if you want to live it, you have to give yourself grace. You have to accept that life isn't just rainbows, but it's the complete darkness as well. Like, we can't enjoy a sunny day if we didn't have the darkness. It's all of it. So stop living in the resistance and the fear and the obstacles and the excuses, because, holy shit. Aren't you exhausted? Are you exhausted yet? Like, I'm so exhausted just thinking about when I used to live in fear all of the time, or when I get to that place of, like, I'm so anxious, I don't know if I can do this. I'm not sure. Like, yes, that's totally normal and it's okay. Feel that. But then come up with a solution and go for that thing. And don't hang around the people who feed the fear. Don't hang around the people who say, oh, you think you can really do that? Don't hang around the people who are doubting you in any possible way. Hang around the people who say, well, okay, let's try to find a solution. Or, all right, well, yeah, that's a really big goal, but you should probably start with, you know, a coach or do this first. Or, okay, that's amazing. You should definitely find someone who's been there before and can help you in this area, you guys, you only have. I'm just gonna say it again. We don't even know if we get blessed with another day or blessed with another year or five years. Like life is not that serious. You guys. Just do what makes you feel good. Do what lights you up. Do what's written on your soul. And yes, people are also gonna criticize. But just make sure that you like you. That's it. Just make sure that you like you.

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You know that term just enjoy yourself. Like when you go somewhere and somebody says like oh, enjoy yourself. Oh my God, that's all it is, you guys. Enjoy yourself. Only do the things that make you enjoy the experience of being you within those things. It's so funny because we only like really love the people who make us enjoy who we are. And remember that when you're with people too. Just make people love who they are by loving them and by you loving you. It's the only way to do it. Enjoy yourself. It's called the human experience. What if this is it? What if it's really just to make sure? Or what if we really just came into this planet because this planet and the sunsets and the trees and the palm trees and the ocean and the mountains, everything, the smell of the air, the food that we get to have, the contrast, the light, the dark, the happiness, the sadness, all of those beautiful rich emotions. And don't even tell me you don't like sadness because oh my God, oh, what is the movie with Lady Gaga that just came out like, oh God, we just love to sit in that deep place of like where your heart hurts and where you experience such love but it got taken away only to hope to love again and oh my God, just all of the richness. What if it is just to experience all of that and enjoy it. It. What if there's nothing like even big to it? What if it's not? Oh, serve and live your purpose and make sure that you're serving the planet. What if it's not even that? What if it's just enjoying yourself? And along the way, the service happens because you're just in such massive bliss of this gift of life in this planet that you're so happy that once you get outside of your own sadness and once you get outside of not fulfilling your purpose, that you realize the whole point is to pass on your happiness to other people. What if that's it? And the whole time you realize that you were just afraid of getting mean Instagrams like, you guys, we have to get better than this. We have to support each other way more than this. We have to speak out more about it. We have to say, yeah, things happened to me and it sucked, and I'm moving forward because I'm focusing on what's good in the world, not what's hopeless. I'm focusing on who's good in the world, not who's an asshole. I'm focusing on what I enjoy, not not doing what I think other people think I should do. You guys, you have to make this year different than the last. And the only way that's going to happen is to think differently than you did last year. And that means stop looking for excuses, stop buying into your old stories, and start telling yourself a new story and looking for solutions. Every excuse has a solution. Take them one at a time. You literally can't eat the whole elephant at once. It's one teeny, tiny bite at a time. And I think that we're getting really overwhelmed with thinking we have to do it all at once. If I told you about how I actually reach my goals, you'd be like, wait, so you, like, really know yourself that well that you really can't have too busy of a day if you want to do something new and big? Like, I can only spend, like, 30 to 60 minutes really burning the candle hard on something new. Especially if I'm, like, thinking hard or it's a lot of new output. Like, I wrote my book, really probably got, like, a good hour a day, even though maybe I was putting three out, like, marking off three hours at a time, because I really just had, like, one good hour in there, you guys. It's so much less than you think. So write down all your excuses. Write down every solution. Keep those in the forefront of your mind and just don't tolerate fear and bs. Like, of course they come into your realm. Acknowledge them. Say, hi, I see you, but I'm not gonna let you stay for long. Long, right? You're not planning Routes, you're not going to be, like, a permanent tenant in my brain. Yes, I'm totally aware that you try to knock on my door every single day and drop off packages, but no, we're not accepting them anymore. And you're not allowed to come in for coffee and you're not staying for the weekend. Like, you gotta go. You have to go. Like, talk to it like that. You guys, we're physical beings. Like, when we start making light of life and making jokes, like, it's so much more fun. So when my fear comes in, comes in, I'm like, hey, I see you. And I know that you think, like, you're trying to save my life, but you're really, just really messing with my happiness. So I'm gonna think something that's actually going to make me happy. Like, I'm gonna picture myself doing the thing that I wanna do, and it's going to happen. And if that doesn't happen, something better is on its way. And that is all I have room for anymore. Because the older I get, man, life is just so short. It's so short. And I just want to make sure that I enjoy it and that the people around me enjoyed their life and maybe I made it a little bit better for them. And if that's all that happens, that's awesome. But I have a feeling that when you follow your bliss and your joy, that way better things happen. Way bigger things happen. So I'm sending you guys so much love today. I'm just thinking of you so much during this time of year because I want this to be different for you, because you want it to be different for you. So don't go back to the places that keep on stopping you. They all have to change. They all have to change. Even if they're people, even if they once served you, even if they were once your favorite things. It's got to change. Doesn't have to change all at once, but become really aware that the things or the people who were once in your life for a long time may change, have to go. And that has to be a choice that you make peace with. I'm making peace every single day with choices that I've made. Because I know what I'm here to do. And I know that I'm here to be happy and be in joy and to follow what comes after that. Sorry. Sometimes you just gotta breathe, you know? All right. I just, like, truly, truly feel all of you guys. I really do. You give me so much energy every day, back and forth. It's how I conversate with you is because I know who I'm talking to. I see what you're dealing with. I see what you want to get to. I see where you want to be. I see your brightness. It is so freaking bright. I need these reminders on a daily basis. Half the time, you guys. If not 99% of the time, I'm just on here coaching myself. Like literally just coaching myself because. Because I need to hear this over and over again. Because every single day is different and growth is tough and beautiful and I'm so grateful for it. So sending you so much love. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.