308: What Is The Greatest Lesson Learned In Your Life So Far?

You will never be happy if you can't just start learning to be happy in this very moment without that thing or that person or that dog or that boyfriend or that house or that bag or that ring or that whatever it is. Like you're. It's just. You're never gonna be happy until you decide to be happy right now.

Right now.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turn self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to a very exciting edition of Q and A day. Even though it's not that exciting, it's just about. It's just about to be the New Year, Evans.

I love the New Year.

Why?

Because it's a clean slate.

It is. It's like you go to bed on December, you know, 31st. I hope we'll Google it. There's 31 days in December, right?

Yeah.

31St. 31st. Got you. I mean, you got me.

Confirmed. Confirmed.

Okay. You go to sleep on the 31st in 2018, and then the chalkboard's clean, all wiped fresh. Everything that you've ever done, gone. Every sin erased.

It's a brand new bag.

You are a new person.

New person, new woman, new man, new being, new human.

So that's what's happening. So you're about to go to sleep soon and get a new beginning. And it's just that easy. Let's be super honest. It's that easy. You can wake up in the morning and decide to be someone totally different than yesterday. But for some reason, we like to believe that if you drink four bottles of champagne the night before, it's gonna change everything.

And it' have you ever gotten so.

Drunk on New Year's Eve that you wake up on New Year's and you're just like, I ruined the whole year.

The year is over.

You're like, 2019 is going to be an epic fail because of what I did last night. Yeah.

And then you have Bojangles.

That always helps. That does. All right, so welcome to Q and A day where we make you smarter by answering your questions, by confirming dates. And just so you know, you learn that there are 31 days in December. Please. Are you double checking that it's 100% Hondo? Okay, great. All right. So there are certain things that are important to me in life. That's not one of them. Nope.

What is important to you?

You know, I think relationships. I think that living up to my highest potential and I think helping people.

Those great answers, those are my favorites.

I love those.

I think that's about it.

Do you have any particular quote that speaks to you right now?

I do. That would be by Melody Beatty. And it is. It says the new year stands before us like a chapter in a book waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.

Yes.

Here's why I love that. Here's the deal, you guys. You literally need to make a plan, Right? So I don't know if you know this about Chris and I, but every year for, I think it's almost been like 10 years now. Yeah. Because I think we started it in like 2008, so maybe 11 years. Wow. Every year we do not go out on New Year's anymore. And we are New Year's Eve and we make our plans. First of all, we look back and reflect on all of the good things that happened over the year and like, really sit and marinate in them and get super grateful and be like, wow, I can't believe that all happened in a year. Look what's possible to make happen in a year. And then we set some goals. Nothing so crazy anymore. Like, you know how people are like, I need a five year plan. Like, I'm just like, okay, let's like set up our. What would we like to have happen this year? And I don't go so crazy anymore. Like, yes, I reach for the moon, but I don't do 500 things like that. I'm trying to get really, really focused. So this year I can't wait to lay out a plan for like one major thing that I'm really desiring. Yeah. And that's what we do. But it does not happen without goals. Nothing is going to happen without goals. And what I also do is I set. I like to set dates. So by this day, this will be set and ready to go. And that kind of plays off of our. Our last podcast. Talking about someone was like, how do you, you know, get more courage? And it's like, I don't. I take action. And I keep showing up for the Things that start requiring me to have faith in action. So I set the date and I start moving. So there's my quote. What's.

It's so weird. Your quote goes with mine.

Let me hear it.

Because mine says, stop being afraid of what could go wrong. Focus on what could go right. Oh, it's Anonymous.

I love that. Maybe Hip Hop Anonymous.

Hip Hop Anonymous wrote it on the 31st of December.

Man, that person's brilliant.

Right?

That's so good. Read it to me one more time.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong. Focus on what could go right.

Okay. Isn't that just true for everything?

Yes.

And at the end of the day, like, your day is dependent upon your hours, dependent upon what you're focusing on. Because there is, let me just say, at any given, I could pick up my phone right now and start focusing on all of the scary shit in the world. So why not focus on what you want to see? Like, even in your. Even in your social modalities, in every single thing, in the people that you hang out with, in the songs that you listen to. Everything clean.

Do a little clean out. Maybe on clean it out. Things that aren't serving you right now.

Do like a. Do like a cleanse. Yep. What do you call that when you get, like a cleanse?

Colonoscopy.

Yes. How did you know what I was talking about? I don't know. Do a colonoscopy of your phone and your life.

Your phone needs a colonoscopy.

It does.

On January 1, 2019.

Go find someone who does it. Just saying there's. Clean it all out. There's an app for that. Okay. So going on to. Oh, my question for you. Okay, I've got a good one. I was proud of this one.

I'm excited.

What is something that once was truth for you, like truth to your core that is no longer truth for you?

Oh, man.

Wow.

You really know how to hit the hard questions. Something that was true for me hardcore, but isn't anymore.

Yeah. How you're like, this is who I am, or this is what I do, or this is what I believe. Ooh. But I no longer believe that. Oh, yeah.

I think maybe believing that I wasn't like a big. Couldn't survive a big city or something like that and move out and do something on my own.

Okay. Are you aware that you're in Los Angeles and you're thriving?

I am 30, flirty and thriving. I am 33, flirty and thriving.

And maybe not as flirty as. No, what someone would call flirty but you're 33, and you're thriving.

Oh, man.

Bless. You know what? You're flirting with new things in life.

Yeah.

Everyone should try new things.

I try to get her to dress flirty. I do. I don't even know what that means. That's so weird. All right, move on to my question. That sounds so weird. Who's whose person? Person who Boss. Who Boss. I even hate that word. Whose boss asked them to dress flirty? I have never asked you to dress flirty. I've told you to.

This is terrible. It's not like that.

It's not like that. I'm trying to get her to dress like more.

Just get out of your comfor zone a little.

Get out of the comfy zone.

I'm a conservative dresser.

Yes. And, oh, my God. Okay, I'm sharing this story even though I don't have a ton of time. Okay. Your first day that I worked with.

You, what was I wearing?

Like, I wanted to use. No, I wanted to learn how to take pictures and use my new can or my camera. So I was like, we're gonna do a photo shoot. And I basically, like, was like, you're gonna wear this, and we're gonna do a photo shoot because that's totally normal to do to your employee who just started. And then I remember, I was like, okay. It was something without, like, arms or something on it.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, are you okay? Because you didn't want to show your arms or something. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I don't like. Like, I'm not used to showing my arms. And I was like, what the.

You live in California.

Like, you are a California girl now. Like, you have to show your arms. And now she is just flirting it up. She is like. I'm like, whoa. All I see is arms.

Get your arms.

Get your arms back.

Put your arms back, everyone. All right, so now she's fully armed and ready to go. What's your question for me?

Well, my question was kind of a reflection question, and I wanted to know about something you're really proud that you accomplished this past year.

That's a really fun question. I love that one.

Yeah, me too.

Your skills are getting sharp, Getting sharper with marms. Oh, I'm like. I'm, like, gonna get nervous when you Questions. Let's see. Okay. What is something. I'm really proud of this last year. Yep. There's. There's actually a lot. I'm not gonna lie. This. This year is what I call, like, my ultimate expansion year. I think. But, yeah, like, I feel like I could have said that every year up until now, but truly, I guess that's how. What we want to do. But something I'm so proud of is how much I've been able to, like, love myself and give myself grace through expectations that were not met a lot this year.

Ooh, what a great answer.

And that was, like, really challenging and beautiful. Yes. So lots of learning around that. And that's also helped me really learn that, like, while goals and going after your dreams are super important, it's also just so important to make a good day and a good hour. Yeah.

Grace.

Grace, If. If that name was. I don't know, I feel like that'd be a great name for a kid.

But, yeah, that's my grandmother's name.

That's a beautiful name.

Such a pretty name.

Gracie.

Gracie. Not Crazy Gracie. Yeah, Grace.

Crazy Gracie.

All right, so let's talk about our review of the week.

Okay. It's really great. It's from Sarah A123. She said this podcast is casual and fun. Lori manages to be informative and empowering without being preachy. Best of all, she makes the content ro relatable. It's a breath of fresh air to gain perspectives that are practical and applicable in many areas of my life. Keep up the good work, Lori. You've gained a new fan from me.

Oh, that's such a good one. Thank you for that. I'm, like, in love with the reviews because I think it's so important to look at the good stuff. Oh, yeah. Gotta look at that good stuff. Oh, my God. It's so important. And I'm so grateful for the reviews because it's, like, massive support for the podcast. So thank you for that. We're sending you. What do you want to send her a T shirt? Yeah. If you want to send. Do you want to send a T shirt?

Let's send her a T shirt or a mug.

Mug. It's up to you. I'm putting the powers that be in the mug or the T shirt to you.

There's some cute tees.

Okay, go. Do you.

Do you.

Sarah, a 123 in her new T.

In her new tea. Sarah. One, two, three. All right, Sarah. Thank you. Okay, moving on to the Q's.

Yes. This has to do with your amazing podcast. It's fromiy twi. What made you start your podcast?

Do it yourself the.

The way I. I did.

I'm still on the name.

I know. I can't figure it out.

Here's what Made me start it. And here's what you need to start. Okay. Okay. So I sat down and there were some major things missing in my life. When I started my podcast. It was about three years ago and I had just started the tribe stuff like the year prior. And while I had this now this beautiful network of close knit women, a few of them at the time, and it's not like I didn't have other friends or working with people, but this was right when I started really connecting deeply with my two other ladies, basically who now feel like my inner circle. I think you need those go to people that, you just need your people who when shit just hits the fan, so had them. But I didn't have like a weekly connection, touch base with the people that I wanted yet. So while I had some access to people that I like, wanted to either be mentored by or coaches or things like that, like, I wanted access to people who like really filled my soul and made me expand. So I know a lot of people are saying, like, you're an expander for me, like things like people like that, where they just, you get around them, you think bigger, you think differently. So I didn't have that all the time. And I was like just through books and podcasts, which was awesome. But I want, it was time for me, like I wanted conversations with them, I wanted to ask them questions.

Yes.

So the question that I had to ask myself was how can I truly get in touch with these people and add value to their lives? So while in the beginning I didn't get like some of the big guests that I wanted right away because I had to build up. Oh. And the answer was a podcast like, oh my God, it's the podcast. Perfect excuse to connect to people, to ask them everything. I want to connect with them and to share these conversations that are changing my life. So it was somewhat selfish while also serving. And I think that that's everything that you do, that is what you should follow, is it should light you up, it should be something that brings you a lot of joy, it should be something that you're excited about and something not and something that adds value. But figure out how that thing that lights you up could add value. So for me it adds value because I'm sharing the conversations. But if there's something that you love, how could you share that? How could it then add more value to something else? So this isn't just a question about podcasting. This is a question about how can you go for something and basically make sure it's something you enjoy, but also that it's valuable. So with that said, that's why I started it. And then as the podcast went on and I started building an audience, I was able to then reach out and say, hey, here's my numbers, here's my downloads. Is this worth your time yet? Some people know it wasn't. Some people I'm still waiting on. And that's really important, you guys. I think when people. I've. I've so many people reach out, and I think it's really important to say, here's how this adds value. Not just like, can I just be really honest? Because we get this all the time. Yes. Not just be like, hey, could you do this? Like, hey, here's how I want to. When I reach out to people, I'm super thoughtful and intentional about how I can add value to their community. So. And I get that. Hey, I didn't know that before. Like, I didn't know how to ask a question. So please don't be like, oh, I feel like a jerk who asked this question. That's not what it's about. It's like, you know what? People will, like, consider and marinate on the question a lot more if you're open to feedback. And you're also. If you're saying, you know, how maybe, how could I add value to you? Or, here's what I'm looking to add value. And honestly, here's how I'm looking to add value, or what's the thing that could really add value in your life right now? Those are really great questions. Because sometimes when people just ask, hey, how can I add value in your life? I don't really know. I'm so busy that I'm just like, I'm not sure. I just need to stay in my zone. So unless you can paint me a picture of what that could look like, I don't really know. You know, like, they email you and you're like, I don't know, like, you tell me, right? So that's been really. That was a powerful thing for me to learn, and I learned that from my mentors who I was asking questions to that weren't super great yet. So they were just like, you know what would help? Or do you know what people in my position do want or things like that. So learn what people in the positions that you want to connect with, what they actually want and how to talk to them and how to pitch them and what numbers you do need for your podcast for them to start wanting to consider being on. Because their time is so like they don't have a lot of time. Like, I mean, I'm not even close to some of the people that I want to be considering and I feel like Chris and I don't have a whole lot of time. And then you think about you want to be with your family and you want to be with your friends. So sometimes an hour here and an hour there and all of a sudden you know, I could be on sky, we could be on five podcasts a day and it's like, then I have no time for my salad.

Nope.

And then I'm super angry and I'm no longer a juggernaut.

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So refer to the previous.

Refer to previous episode. Yeah. So I think that answers that.

That was a great answer.

I don't know how I felt about that answer. I feel like I'm a little self conscious about it.

Don't be self conscious. You were talking about how you started your podcast and questions that frequently come up. If you were to start your own podcast and you want to get guests.

All right. All helpful things felt tangenty. What's the next one?

The next one is from Idneygo. And she said, what is the greatest lesson learned in your life so far and what is one that you're still learning? That's a tough one, I'm sure.

Do you know what came to mind?

What?

The song from Moulin Rouge.

Oh, which one?

But it's a quote. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Yes.

So that's not the lesson at all. But.

That'S a great lesson.

That's a beautiful lesson. That's a great quote too. But I would say that my. Oh my God. The biggest life lesson is that everything that you think that you want is actually like just an illusion to finally get you to the place to realize that everything you think you wanted isn't actually it. And what is it is just being right now. But you have to do all of those things and accomplish those goals and do those things and get frustrated to realize that oh, my God. It's not one particular thing or a title or a person or anything that will ever make you happy. You will never be happy if you can't just start learning to be happy in this very moment without that thing or that person or that dog or that boyfriend or that house or that bag or that ring or that whatever it is. Like, you're. It's just. You're never going to be happy until you decide to be happy right now.

Right now.

And while those things are. They're awesome. They're bonuses.

I love dogs.

Me, too. Duh. Love dogs. I want a puppy farm.

Yes.

Don't get crazy. I'm not gonna get one. All right.

Yet.

Oh, all right.

That's a great lesson.

And what am I still learning that? Because every part of me wants to be like, no, that really will make me happy.

The puppy farm would make you happy.

It would. And so would like getting that title and that. Getting that speaking thing and getting that beautiful New York Times title and getting that. But they don't, guys. They don't. They just don't know what I'm saying. Yeah.

Be present and be happy in the now.

Yet all those other things are important. That's a whole other podcast, you guys. Clearly, I'm still learning it, so thanks for that second question.

Thanks, Sydney.

Go. Thanks. Go, Sidney.

Go, Sydney.

All right, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. I am grateful for you. Evans, what's your signing off like? What do you want to say one sentence right now? Three, two, one. Go.

Go have some fun.

Yeah.

Cause it's the new year.

Happy new Year.

We're gonna lose people. Bye. Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.