310: Get The Confidence You Need to Take You to the Next Level with Heather Monahan

Anyone that says they're not struggling with confidence in some part of their life is not real. That's just fact. You know, I can't stand when because that's where the problems come in for other people and for me.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so excited for today's guest and before we get into our guest, I want to share with you that I have a few new things with the podcast. If you have not yet listened in on my new addition to the podcast, which is my Q A day. So every single week, I am coming to you with a new podcast where I answer your questions, give a prize or a gift to the review of the week. So if you guys are going and writing reviews on the podcast on itunes, I shout you out and we choose one every single week and we will send you a gift or a mug or something awesome that I have here. So gonna send you a gift for review of the week, answer your questions. And it's also just super fun because my assistant asked me questions. We have amazing conversations. I'm always sharing a quote of the moment and we're talking about kind of where we're at in life. So it's kind of get to know us right now in the moment, and I like to really see and chat about how that applies to us as a whole and answering all of the questions that you guys have as well. So it's one of my most fun things on the podcast that I get to do because I get to kind of get more intimate with you guys and answer your questions and get to know you. So go check those out and if you would go leave a review, you might get to win a gift. So today on the show, I have an amazing woman that I was really excited to connect with and that is Heather Monahan. She is the author of the Confidence creator and that is what today's podcast is all about. We Focus so much on how you can get more confidence, even if you don't think you're a naturally confident person. Really busting the myths on confidence, really talking about what it looks like to build and create that thing that you want, or just learn some of these skills that you can take into whatever you're doing now, whether that's your relationships, whether that's your life, whether that's confidence in the gym, whether that's creating what it is that you need to go to that next level. Because really, what we chat all about is, at the end of the day, the conversation that's going on in your head. So she's going to give you all of the tools and the hacks on how to get the confidence that you need. So Heather is not only the author of the Confidence Creator book, but she also has an incredible personal brand called Boss in Heels. And she says boss in heels means a few things to me. When people hear the term boss, oftentimes they think of a stoic male figure. To me, boss and heels is representative of being you. And for me, that means celebrating that I am a woman while still commanding respect and delivering results in the workplace. Boston Heels is about treating employees, partners, and clients well and having a vested interest in their success. Boston Heels is a more modern way of leaning, leading. And she says her personal brand is meant to empower women and give them the insight and tips she longed for as a young professional. This woman has an incredible background in sales that we talk about, and she just had so many incredible pivots that I know you're going to love all of the different things that she shares about how she got to this place that she's at now and how this entrepreneur life is actually fairly new to her. So all of you guys who are in that position of really wanting to create a personal brand or start something new or pivot in your life, whether that's a personal journey or professional journey, you're going to want to hear what actually happens during this time and the mindset that you need in order to make the transition. So let's get started. Heather, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you, Lori, for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

So Heather just let me know that she was traveling and you literally. Did you just land in Boston? Like, did you just get off the plane or what's going on?

Of course I did. I never fail to cut things short. So, as you know, in typical travel style, the flights were delayed, and I literally made it with five minutes to spare. So I'm so excited how things come together and work out.

Oh, my God. That's, like, the story of my life. Like, people don't know what happens right before, like, you get on a podcast and you're like, ah, let's drop in and talk. And you're like, oh, my God, I was just on a plane, a train, an automobile. Like, yeah, really crazy. So. Well, I'm so glad that we could make this work. And you cover one of my most favorite topics, which we'll get into, which is confidence. And I think it's, like, so timely right now with the new. The new year here, kind of like, you know, stepping into that personality or that developing that trait. So I'm. I can't wait to talk about it, because I, for one, am always someone who wants more confidence, so. And I know that's everybody who's listening to.

Right. Me too.

But we teach what we need the most, right? Like, it's the best thing ever. So I would love for people who maybe aren't familiar with you for you just to share, because you've got a story. Like, you have done so many amazing things. But I want to talk about that journey. So if you could share with me kind of where you came from, what you're doing now and where that came from.

Sure. Happy to do that. So I grew up, you know, I had a tough childhood. My mom was a single mom with four kids. She had left my biological father. She didn't have an education. You know, she worked three jobs. It definitely was a lot on her shoulders. We used stamps at times. It was very different than the life that I have now. And it's really interesting to me when people meet me. And for a long time, I'm 44 years old in my life and in my career. I didn't really talk about where I came from. In fact, I really tried to stay detached from that part of me because I didn't want to let people in and see that whole, you know, that whole view of who I really was, where I came from. So it's been just the past five or six years that I've started sharing that. And it's really powerful and important to me to share it because there are so many people out there, and I was one of them. And, Laurie, I know you were, too, from listening to your show, that when we're in these tough times in our lives, early on, we think that there is just one way to live, and that's it that there's no way out. And it's really important. I want people to know. I did not have a glamorous childhood. I was a chubby little kid. I cut my hair off to look like Mary Lou Retton. I thought that, that I could just watch TV and that would be the extent of fun times in life. And I'm so glad for all that I've been through and what I've learned. And really I focused on money essentially my entire career because I didn't want to be poor. And I chased a paycheck from day one. I was waiting tables, paper route, whatever worked at a fast food restaurant, whatever you can think of, I did to make money. And then when I got out of school, I got into sales because that's where I saw people making a lot of money. And when you're driven and in sales and my drive was like fire. There was no chance I wasn't going to hit my marks and achieve my goals. I did really, really well financially and that pushed me right through becoming an equity partner in my early 20s and doing really well financially into corporate America and advancing throughout my career in management, pitching myself for jobs that didn't exist and getting them and ultimately breaking the glass ceiling and becoming a chief revenue officer of a large media company. I was responsible for several hundred millions of dollars in revenue and over a thousand employees. And during that time I really just chased a paycheck and it ended up taking after 14 years at this one company and so much advancement and being named one of the most influential women in radio in 2017. On July 27th of that same year, I was terminated when the CEO I had worked for for 14 years stepped down and his daughter.

Oh wow.

Yes. That was a plot twist that no one saw coming, including myself. And that was hard. So at that point in time I decided, you know what if now or never, what am I going to do? Go back to work for somebody else and go through the same game again? Or do I roll the dice and take the biggest chance of my professional career and start my own company? Which entailed, it's called Boston Heels llc. And my first step was writing my book. My first book, Confidence Creator.

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Okay, well, you just. I just wrote down three different things that I'm like, oh, I wanna. I wanna talk about that. And I wanna talk about that. So I want to first go to the place of, you know, you had a big driver of. And I so relate to that, like, pain and, like, the fear of not having money, not feeling safe. Right. It was safety, like, one of your main things. Okay. So that is a massive driver. And it makes people do. I mean, you'll run through a wall, you'll exhaust yourself, you'll do insane things. So the first thing, though is, like, there's, you know, there's that drive and there's the excitement around it, and there's the making money. But then there's also this point where the drivers that once motivated us no longer work. So at what, you know, they can tend to no longer work after a certain point. So for you, the first thing. And I want to acknowledge, like, I think it's amazing when we can really call out our drivers and the importance of that. I love that you own. I wanted money because that was safety for me, and that's really important. That was the same exact thing for me. So first of all, calling out the driver. But then did you get to a point where that, like, you needed something else, like, it was not that anymore and you were finding that the fulfillment wasn't there?

Yes, for sure. When I made enough money that I started feeling, okay, that's when I started looking around for, okay, well, what's next? Where do I go from here? And that's when a lot of people in my life I saw get into trouble. I was running with a group of people that were in similar situations. They were driven by money. And whenever someone's really driven by money, if you dig down, there's usually another story there. And those people are looking to either escape pain or forget about something. And that can be scary if you go too far down that road. Thank God for me, I made a turn at that point in time, and I ended up getting married very quickly and giving birth all within one year. And that changed my entire life for the better. It was the most impactful, important thing I've ever done in my life. And my son really redirected me. I don't think he ever knew it, but him coming into the earth made me realize I got to do more than just chase money. Because if that's what I do. That's what he's going to do. And I didn't want him to have that same life. Life.

Oh, wow. So the, the confidence in first that within the pivot, like I get a lot of people who ask me and I, when I was on book tour, one of the main questions women were asking is at what point do you know, it's like time to share your story. When. When it's kind of like, you know, it's the thing that's going to help, you know, move you forward, or not even move you forward, but move you into your purpose. But there's a lot of fear for people around sharing your story. And how do you first share it and how do you know you're shar for the right reasons? And are you sharing it too soon when you're not healed yet? And I'm worried about what my family's gonna think. So how did you get that confidence around sharing your story and what would you say to people?

First of all, that sounds like analysis by paralysis, which when that happens in business, a lot people sit down and this is not just about fear, really. It's a very talked about, common thing in business. People will become so consumed by the what if. And that's really all about self doubt, which you just articulated. It's really lack of confidence in yourself. So the key to that is listening to yourself. And we all have an inner voice. And I've had people say to me, well, you have a really strong intuition. Well, yes, I do. I've honed in on it and you can too. Anyone can activate that inner voice. If you've been pushing it down for a long time and ignoring it, it gets much more quiet and small. But you can re engage that voice and amplify it. Mine's so amplified now, it's like inspired thought. I can be walking down the road and a concept or an idea pops into my head. I'll stop walking, I'll stop. Whatever I'm doing to write it down. I know it's something bigger than me coming through to me now. Mind you, 20 years ago, I had pushed my intuition, my inner voice down so small and made it so tiny. Those days never happened. So for me, it started with journaling. That was a really great way to start to get to hear my own voice because no one's going to judge me, no one's going to judge you. It's you and that piece of paper and your thoughts for that day. And the more you start writing down, how do I feel around this person. How do I feel when I'm doing and performing this task in this group? You'll start noticing within a month's time there are patterns where wow, I'm really invigorated or doing better in this situation or wow, I really am not happy around this or that. And the more you start tuning into that, the more you start listening. And then the next day maybe you don't have to write it because you start hearing yourself without writing it down. So listen to yourself first and amplify that voice because all of your answers are right there.

I love that. So would you say, what would you say is the biggest? You know, because there's always, there's a conversation in our head at all times. So from the beginning of the lack of self confidence and the lack of just belief in yourself, what is, what was that old voice? And then how did you replace the new voice and what does the new voice to you say? You know, like what, what is that? What is it saying?

So it's a theme song. So I'm running the theme song currently by Kendrick Lamar. I love myself and this is completely real. And I was even just listening to it when I got off the plane today because I was a little nervous. I'm running so late. I don't like being late. I thought, you know what, I really do love myself. Sometimes my flight schedules don't go right and sometimes I could end up late. And that's not who I am. That's the situation that I'm experiencing right now. I love myself and the people that I surround myself with love me too. It's really about owning that. And I had this interesting realization. It was actually just yesterday. I spent 20 years in the media business and in media a very common expression is frequency sells. And what that means for people that don't understand it is whether you're pitching business and you're in sales. Right. The more you pitch somebody, the more they're going to be come around to your way of thinking, the more they're going to hear you think about you. That follow up piece in sales, that's all about frequency. The other way to see frequency. And people will talk about the negativity of advertising and media and will say, well, the women are too skinny and you have to look a certain way. And I keep seeing this messaging, well, that's all strategic. Basically these companies employ strategies which I was teaching companies, which was about frequency and advertising, meaning you don't run one ad to somebody and think you're going to sell a million units of your product. However, if you're running seven ads a day to that same audience every day for 30 days, we're going to move some product because people are going to be moved by your messaging. They're going to remember your jingle. There's so many different ways to make sure you're reaching them. Well, I started thinking, why not apply that same strategy, those case studies that I know so much about to myself, to you, to my son. Let's run that tape that we can curate. We can pick for me. It's I love myself and it's running that I love myself, and I'm really big into song, so I like that I have that song attached to it. And some people aren't as attached to music as I am. Music really connects with me. So I like to run that song in my mind seven times a day and say it to myself. And I've been working with my son doing the same thing. And you can see in such a short period of time, it's amazing how you are now the media platform. You're curating the ads that you're sending yourself, and you're getting the results that you want.

And I love. Thank you for that. And I love that you shared that you. You're still nervous. Like, this is something that's constantly in your life. Like, what's something right now that you're working on around confidence and how are you doing it?

Oh, my gosh. Anyone that says they're not struggling with confidence in some part of their life is not real. That's just fact. You know, I can't stand when. Because that's where the problems come in for other people and for me. P.S. i had years ago, I was at a cocktail party. Not to digress for just a minute, but I want to story. Years ago, I had just been divorced, and I was really down on myself, but I would still put my best clothes on and show up and, you know, really put a smile on and put myself out there. And there was this woman, and I had seen her blossom over the past year while I was kind of like getting smaller and falling apart. I was seeing her bloom, and I was inspired by that. So I went up to her and I said, I want to ask you a question. What is it that you've been doing the past year? I'm just in awe about how you. You really come out of your shell, and I'd like to learn. And she said, I don't know. There's really nothing. It's just me Being me. And we laugh now, right? Because I'm right there with you. Like, come on. But that night, I went home and I cried. And I remember thinking, oh, I'm just a loser. Why can't I just blossom? And I have to be the one getting divorced, and I have to be the one that doesn't feel good. And it's me. I can't figure it out. Well, leapfrog this 14 years, and here we are today. And here's what I know. That lady had hired a speaking coach. She had a professional stylist. She had completely. She had plastic surgery. I mean, now that I look back and know what I know, it's actually sad that she was not able to deal with the facts to say, hey, there's a lot, but I don't want to share it. Right now I'm at a cocktail party or whatever it could have been. So I think it's so important that we do share with people. Listen, I could feel really confident in my relationship and with my child, but when as an entrepreneur, I'm a rookie, I'm a year in and I don't feel as confident in that space now. Go back two years ago, and I was ultra confident in corporate America because I had 25 years, a track record of success. So it's not a static thing. It's fluid. Today you could be feeling really confident in one area, and tomorrow that could change. And the key is to know for you what is that solution? So that you can be taking the steps to create confidence now so that you can build it right back up, up. Because you will hit obstacles that will knock it back down again.

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Oh man. So this is so good. So like revealing your recipe to confidence because. And there's so many different recipes that people use and there's different things that will work for you. That's so powerful because you, I think so many people would look at you or look at people who have, you know, the different things that they want in their life and they're like, they have had to have been born this way. Like, I really still think that people think that. But like you had said with her, like there's a team behind her. There's all these people who, you know, she doesn't have to put as much effort in here or she has people help building her up or saying their recipe and pouring it into her. So for so many different areas in people's lives, you know, you have to take time to build confidence in that certain area. So for you, what is it right now that is the recipe for the confidence that you need?

So for me, I've really. This is new for me again. I got fired July 27, 2017. So it's under a year and a half. So moving into entrepreneurial space has been the wildest ride I've ever taken. I have been a very structured person in a structured environment, and now it's just me and my creativity and what I want to do in my drive. But what's interesting is the more I've stepped into my passion and purpose. Remember, I've never been in passion and purpose work. I've always been working for the man stock market. And so now that I'm in this space, opportunities just keep showing up, and it's unbelievable. And moving. Every day I find myself crying, moved to tears. I get amazing notes from people I don't know. It is overwhelming at times. So for me now, the confidence piece is really around something new to me, which is manifesting. I had never done that. People that I would hear even say the word manifesting when I was in corporate America, I probably thought they were a hippie. I probably don't even would laugh if I had heard that. But now what I've seen, it's like these little crumbs that are leading you somewhere. I've had all these little amazing things happen down this path past year and a half that now I've come to the conclusion I actually can manifest. And I seen it happen right before my eyes. And now it's about teaching that to my son and teaching that to everybody else. In my first book, Confidence Creator, I don't write anything about manifesting because I wasn't applying that to my life. I hadn't even experienced it yet, Lori. So it's really been this amazing journey that now I'm putting manifesting to work for me. And that was not a tool that I had a year ago.

Out. All right, girl, so let's. Let's get your manifesting recipe. Because everybody's drooling right now because they're like, yeah, I'm manifesting, or I know how to do it. But I think it's so important to reveal that. So, like, exactly what that looks like. What's the feeling? What's the conversation? Because it's so easy to be like, yay, I feel so great. I'm manifesting. And then like, your reality check side of your brain comes in and wants to just like, wipe that out. So what is. What's that ongoing Conversation for you. You.

Well, the most common disconnect, in my opinion that I see is some people want to manifest. And to me, that means, you know, writing out a statement, an ownership statement. So let's say for me that I. I am so grateful. I have sold millions of copies of Confidence Creator. Money flows easily to me. I make my living off of inspiring others and elevating people. I'm making this up off the top of my head, but it is something near that. So you have this ownership statement that you have that. I have it written down on my dining room table. I see it every day. I read it every day. And that's amazing. And you feel. What does it really feel like when I have these things? And I know, because I've achieved success in other areas of my life, so I know those feelings, and I apply those feelings. I can get myself into that state. Okay, that's one thing, right? To me, that's not manifesting. That's beginning the process along the way. Because. Because manifesting can't just be this. I'm going to lay around in my bed and read this statement all day. That is not manifesting. You have to have other components that you're putting to work and really taking action towards your vision that what you're manifesting is critical. And the other thing is not disabling it during the day. So sometimes I'll be around people and they're manifesting, let's say, hypothetically, in the morning, then out during the day, you're working with them, and they'll say stuff like. Like, I mean, do you really think that this is serious what I'm doing, or am I fooling myself? Okay, so every time we start cutting away at what we're manifesting, we're taking negative shots at what we're trying to create. So it's really trying to stop ourselves in that moment and say, wow, I'm noticing right now that I'm trying to pull back at what I was trying to manifest this morning. So I'm going to stop doing that, and I'm going to reframe that and say, wow, I still feel nervous even though I am creating, you know, going back to these ownership statements and then focusing on what's that next action step I'm taking that's bringing me closer to creating that manifestation and making it real.

Oh, that's so good for me right now. Because it's crazy how you can be super successful in one area and then move it. That's entrepreneurship, right? Like, then decide to pivot because that's what you do. Like following the next curiosity or reinventing yourself, which I think is also so important. And then the not knowing or the not, you know, just a completely new area. It's so easy right now to go and second guess myself and be like, what are you thinking? And then to remember, this is the.

One thing I want you to remember around that. And again, we all do it. But if you don't believe wholeheartedly in your vision, why would anybody else?

For me, in that state of manifesting, all of those components are super important. But like you said, it's the catching myself in the moment and believing so firmly in the vision. So how do you build the belief? Like, what is the daily. Is that in the visualization or what is that?

Well, it's so interesting that when you just explained that situation, your situation to me, what popped into my mind? So for me, it was Labor Day weekend, and my book had been out for a few months. And I'm new at being an author. I'm a rookie at being an entrepreneur. I'm self published. I don't know what I'm doing right. I'm reinventing the wheel. And I was sitting at a hotel with a bunch of my friends, and my friend's husband sat down with me, said, I want to talk to you. And he's older than I am, which is key because he has more experience than me. He's achieved more success, and I love, love, love being around people who are way ahead of where I am. And he sat down, he said, I got to tell you something. You are just thinking way too small. And I said, why would you say that to me? I'm like the biggest thinker I know. I'm so driven. What are you talking about? You? He said, forget it. You're not as big as me. And he said, you need to be looking beyond the US you need to stop looking at Barnes and Noble and you need to start looking at Sam's Club. We need to look at pallets of books. He said, I'm sick of you going on NBC. Get on Fox News. He just started. Everything that I had done or was working on, he was taking it to that next level way beyond what I hadn't thought about going to Sam's Club and walking in and pitching my books. And, you know, he said to me, let's do this. Let's bring in 10 of the books, let's put them down in a staff, let's film how people respond to it, and then let's bring that Film to the manager, Lori, when he started envisioning how he would handle my business. And it was so he was right, you know, I was thinking too small. And after I met with him for an hour and a half, I took a ton of notes, I acted on it because I'm really big into when that, to me, that didn't happen by chance, that happened for a reason. He was there to advance me and I wasn't going to let him down because I wanted to reengage with him again and go back and ask for his help again later. But when people give you those mentorship opportunities, which really, that's what that moment was, you know, now he's looking at me, hey, what did she do with the gift that I gave her? And I ran with it and yeah, a lot of them failed, but some of them didn't. And now I have books being sold in Costa Rica and I have books being sold in Australia. And you know, some crazy things came out of it because he opened my eyes to, there was more and I could go for bigger. So surrounding yourself with those people is critical in your success. If you're manifesting or not manifesting, that.

Is so powerful because I, I found those moments in my life that while in the beginning, like, you know, if you're not yet used to the idea that any, any feedback is so valuable no matter what because you're learning how to respond to feedback but being so open to, you know, you thinking you're a big thinker and being like, but I thought I was doing good at this. Like you could, right? One person could take that and be upset and feel offended and then the next person who actually creates something amazing can take be asking for feedback like that, be putting themselves in situations like you were and then having something life changing. Like my, I look back and the biggest things have been when somebody's popped my bubble of what I think I'm living in. Like when you get outside of your own bubble, in your own paradigm and someone completely turns it on its head and you're like, wait, what?

Right?

So what's something that you do, I know that you say, do you mentor with people to keep that vision going, to keep feeding that, or how do you make sure that you are constantly kind of up, leveling your thoughts?

The more that I, as I said, the more that I really stepped into this purpose driven work, it's sort of happening to me, which I don't know that that's necessarily what people want to hear, but I believe this is what happens when you're really walking that path that you're. You are put on this earth and meant to walk. And I truly feel this through the core of my body I had. Two weeks ago, the Olympic team out of Denmark contacted me. They developed technology that they perfected, have case studies on from the Olympians in Denmark, where they've learned how to gamify health, and they want to work with me on gamifying confidence creation through an app. Opportunities like that didn't used to show up in my lap. Then I heard from E. And they want to talk about how they want to focus on women empowerment on the network and talking about how could we elevate women's confidence through a show. A week later, I heard from NBC and they were interested in doing a show called Confidence Corner. A week later, my friend in LA said, heather, I have a meeting with Netflix. I want to pitch your show. There's so many weird things that have occurred, and again, this has just been the past year of my life. It never happened. Used to be like this before, but the more I move into this fear, like, putting my book out was the scariest thing I ever did. Taking chances to create courses or working with these, collaborating to create some different products around confidence creation, these things scare me to death because I'm a complete rookie at it. But each time I move forward and take that leap into recognizing that fear is a liar, it is only in my mind. All of these amazing opportunities come to me, and they're so far beyond the vision that I even had before I got to that conversation, it blows me away.

Okay, so I kind of want to just unpack a little bit of what you said, because so many of the people who listen into my podcast are people who are either discovering something they're passionate about or, you know, it's business women who really want to get out there, or it's people who have just a big vision for their life, and now they're really either starting to live it or they want to take it to the next level. So for what you just said, like, I think some people are saying, well, but how did that opportunity come to her? Did it come from. Did they. Did they see your book somewhere? Do you. Do you work with a PR agency? Like, where. How many irons are you putting in the fire?

Nine million.

Yeah. Got it. That's what I want to hear.

Absolutely. And that's a great question. So my entire career is in sales, and if there is one thing I've learned from sales, you need to have countless pipelines Flowing at high velocity all the time if you want one to hit. And so that is true if you're selling protein shakes, you're selling multimillion dollar media deals, or if you're an entrepreneur. For me, when I first got into this, I was so just focused on the book because that was I thought, just do one thing good, have the one thing. And I walked away from all of my business principles that have built who I am. And I had to have a moment and say, wait a minute, I don't have any pipelines running at that time. And luckily, and I encourage all of your listeners to do this, build a network, Build one on LinkedIn. LinkedIn is so powerful, there's no algorithm there to penalize you. You can connect to anyone you want. And the connections I've made over the past decade, specifically on LinkedIn really were amazing for me because when I got fired, I just put out there to the whole world on LinkedIn. I was fired and I'm really hurting and I allowed myself to be very bul. And in that moment I chose to ask for help, which is something that strong people do. And I did not use to ask for help because I was not confident. So I flipped the script on that. I put it out to the world. I had a very large LinkedIn following and so many people showed up to help me and one of them was Froggy from the Elvis Duran show. And he said, how can I help you? And I said, get me on the show. And he said, done, no problem. So opportunities like that don't just appear. And you were so right in asking that question. I go out and I ask for help and then I bring value back to people or I'm asking people for help. I've always brought a lot of value too. But I definitely make sure that when I have an ask for someone, there's a value exchange. You know, I'm just not standing there asking people to do things for me. I want to bring them value at that same time. And when you think like that, and I've always done business that way, business, you know, partnerships aren't one sided. They, they need to be mutually beneficial. And when you look at approaching an opportunity or a person with that thought process, I want to bring them value and I'm asking them to help bring me value. Nine out of ten times, something really powerful will come out of that. And that's really been the catalyst for me this past year to making these opportunities essentially crystallize.

So good. So that brings up lately I've been Having so many people ask around, bringing, bringing them value, like how they say, how do I bring them value? And obviously this can go back to a question of, of or the underlying fear of them not feeling valuable. And then how do you discover the value that you can bring somebody? Like what is important to them? What do you say to people who are like, but how do I discover the value that I can bring when I don't feel valuable?

Okay, so that's a great question. So, you know, one of the things that's really important to me is discovering your superpower. And that's sort of this value proposition. Everyone has a unique value proposition. You might not know right now what that is, but it is key to your success and to developing to your fullest potential. What I did when I didn't know what my value proposition was, because I sent an email out to 10 people in my circle. Some were from work, some were family, some were friends. And it essentially said something like this. I'm interested to know what it is about me that you think is unique or different or brings value. I'm trying to really get to the root of what my unique value proposition is. And this is an amazing confidence building exercise for anyone to employ because the messages that you get back are amazing and it really helps you to see yourself through the light of others. Another example I can give you is this. I had sent out back when I was in corporate America. I sent out a message to the pipeline of people on my team. I had said something like, listen, I'm struggling with this, this and this. Anyone has a different perspective on it, I'd love to hear. As you all know, you each have your own superpower. And I have a feeling someone will see this through a different light. Well, this one young girl who was on an editing team in a different state called me and she was so upset and she said, heather, I can't help because I don't have a superpower. And I was shocked, shocked. This girl could take on any given day, hundreds of pieces of terrible writing that anyone in the company could send her and make it this beautiful, fluid, wonderful thing that we'd all be proud to go to market with. And I said that to her. I said, do you not see what we all see in you? I cannot do that. That is not a gift. That's even, you know, it's not even in my vicinity, much less within me. You know, that's not even a capability I could even consider. But she just never. She thought everyone could do that. And I'll Tell you, until I went and someone made me take a stand up comedy class to get me out of my comfort zone. I thought everybody could kind of just stand up and talk. And taking that weird, strange class, which is very bizarre, taught me that it was my superpower is I can just stand up and talk anywhere and not everyone can do that. So it's really about. And you know what, there's people in accounting out there there that can do things with spreadsheets that blow my mind. So everyone has to figure out what is that unique special talent that you have and really start spending some time there. Because the more time you spend within your superpower, the stronger and more confident you become.

So what would you say is one of the biggest. Just when you talk about confidence, what are some of the main, like, I don't know, hacks or tips? Like when you are being called to talk about confidence in different rooms? When what's the, like the main common denominator that most everybody you feel needs to know or the questions that they're not asking that they should be about confidence?

So the number one thing, and you already brought it up, is it's the tape and the dialogue that you are running with yourself. You spend more time with your thoughts, your words than anybody else in a day and you have total control over that. So changing that tape, flipping that script and curate what media you're allowing for in your mind is everything. That's the single easiest, most powerful thing you can do and see change literally within a couple of days. So that's the number one thing I would lean on. You want to take it? You know, it gets, there's. It's kind of like a ladder. So envision a ladder. We've all climbed a ladder before, hopefully. And you know, that first step is pretty easy and the second one gets a little harder. And you know, as you go up the side of a building, it gets a little scarier. But to really get to that, you know, that goal that you have of reaching the top, you need to take those steps. So some of the steps might be a little bit harder. Another easy one is writing notes for yourself and reminders. I change my passwords to what my goal is and to reminding myself that I'm going to achieve it. To help me get back to manifesting. My son has me right on his shoes. I can do all things so that when he's feeling down, he can remind himself to pick him back up. These are all things you can do for yourself. Be the hero in your own story before we start looking outside of us, and that's really helpful. Put yourself first. So many people will say, well, you can do that, Heather, but I'm not selfish like you. And I always say, well, how's that working out for you? Are you happy? You know, like, do you feel really good and strong? Well, no, I don't. Okay, well, then I'm going to ask you to try this the next time you want to go to the gym and your friends say no, but we have this lunch plan, and it's so rude that you're doing that. You say to them, thank you so much for understanding. This is a commitment I made to myself. I'll catch you next time. It's just, you've got to write down what you're going to say and practice and make yourself do it. But when we get to some more powerful steps, in my opinion, that become more challenging for people, it's really firing those villains in your life. And, Lori, I know you talk a lot about boundaries, and boundaries is so critical when you can't fire that villain, whether they're a family member, a coworker, you need to create those boundaries to protect yourself. But when you can fire that villain, pull the trigger and get that evil person out of your life and watch yourself take off.

It's that period of, okay, here's the boundary. But I truly think so many people don't know how to set one or what that conversation first looks like. And also the expectation around it is like, okay, if I set a boundary, it's gonna. You know, this person said it should be great. And the thing about a boundary is, like, you set a boundary and then it sucks for a while. Like, for a long time. So tell me about. If you've had to set a boundary this last year, what was like, what does it look like after you set a boundary and you disappoint people and they're angry or they say horrible things to you, like, how do you move through that?

You know, it's interesting. My son had a deal with a friend who went from being a friend to a frenemy.

Oh.

Which we all know that happens, right. He's 11. And these are the things that unfortunately, are going to happen to most of us, if not all of us. So we had to go through the process of. He was really confused. And this happens to adults, too. When someone that you're relying on as a friend and you think is on your team and you start noticing, you know, that person really isn't with you, they're actually against you and I call that a sneaky villain because they're pretending they're someone else. They're not really being on someone. So when you, number one, trust your feelings and trust your gut. And I tell my child this all the time. Listen to you. If you're feeling like that person isn't on your team anymore, then you know what? You're right. Now, the best thing we can always do is ask a good question at that point in time in private. And that question is, hey, I'm getting a weird feeling right now when I'm around you. Something's off. Is something wrong with our relationship, our friendship? What's going on? And just open that door. That isn't a hard discussion, but at least it lets the other person know you're onto something. And I think that's really important.

Oh, I love that you pointed that out. Because looking back, I. I think that there's a part of us that. Well, I believe there's a part of us that wants to believe everybody's good. And it's like, it's not that they're bad. It's that your energy is not a match. Like, it's just not a match anymore, and you're not dealing with it in the right way. So it's just that hard point of just like you said, that was really powerful to make a really clear statement. Like, if you have. Have a feeling that they're not on your team, you're right. Like, that you're right. You can stop questioning it and you can start taking action. Because I look back, and when I've gotten those feelings, it doesn't make the woman or person bad. It just made it that I. It's not meant for my life anymore. And that's.

Oh, my gosh. You just described so many of my relationships in my younger years. And I know that's the same for so many women. You sit there and question. But I really want it to work, and. But my gut is telling me something's wrong. Well, that person just isn't that right person for you. And sometimes it's just opening up that conversation to let everybody out of that situation.

Oh, my God. Even just recently, like, the. The past few years, I've. I've had a couple people who just. I keep on. They just kind of stay in my world because they're naturally in my world, and it's like I've wanted them to stay only because I'm like, people. Well, people love them.

What.

What am I missing? Like, what's missing for me and I'm like, there's nothing missing and you're just not meant to be on each other's paths. Like, that's so powerful. And that can actually, that goes back to the original thing of building confidence in that inner voice. Like if I don't start listening to that and actually taking action on when I know someone's not right for me, then I'm not confident in trusting my intuition around people.

And you're going to quiet that voice every time you don't act on that voice. The quieter it gets and conversely, which is great, every time you do act on it, the louder it gets. So it's really our goal and our mission to amplify that voice as loud as possible and let it lead you in life. It will not lead you astray, I guarantee you that.

Okay, so this is a powerful conversation. If we move it into also talking about looking at who you want to work with and who you want to spend time with. Because there's so often, and I'm telling you, when you're in, when you're in the business world and entrepreneurial world, it's really easy to get distracted by wanting to work with people because they're in a desired place or they're successful in a certain area, but like also checking in. I mean, this is just how I work right now. Like, especially being an entrepreneur. Like, I know that my best work is going to come from when I'm with the people that I have fun with and like ji. And it's easy. Easy is my like theme of my life right now. And I can get really caught up and tempted in trying to make something work because I'm like loving something they did or the success that they're having around something. I'm just being really honest. But that doesn't make my life easy and it's not really the way that I should go. So how do you, for you, like, what is your kind of theory around that as an entrepreneur? And you know, telling people who are just starting out in business when they look at someone who they think could give them something, but ultimately it's like you probably shouldn't be working with that person.

For me, it's really looking at what are my weaknesses, right? Because I don't want people that are just like me around me. I want people that can fill in the gaps. I want people on my team that are bringing something different and unique, something that I don't have to offer. So that's typically what I look for. It's non negotiable. I want people that are honest, that can communicate and take feedback. I'm very direct, and I move very fast. So it's knowing yourself. You need to really know, who am I? Where is it that I'm lacking? What are my needs? And who are the kind of people that I can work with, because I have experience working with a lot of different people. I know exceptionally sensitive people are not gonna, you know, really succeed working very close with me because I move so fast. I am so direct, and they will inevitably get their feelings hurt. So for me, it's not fair to pull people in like that onto my team. Otherwise, I'm gonna spend a lot of time coddling them, and then I'm gonna get frustrated with them. So that doesn't work. So start looking around. Who are the bosses that you really enjoyed working with? Who are the peers that you've worked with? What were the traits that they had that you really thrived off of? Of? Was it a certain personality trait? Was it, you know, the work that you were doing? Was it the culture of the business? But get clear on those things and write them down, because the more you can understand the environment, the teams, and the kind of people you work well with, the faster you can build that ideal team and really start pulling those people into your life.

Oh, man. Okay, so the sentence that you had said about, you know, I know how I work. I work fast, and sensitive people don't work well around me. Like. Like that. That awareness on its own is so incredibly awesome, because what can happen? I think I literally just had a friend say to me, you know, the pace that I work with, like, I found myself. I was apologizing all of the time, but she just realized that she had the wrong people around her because she's meant to work fast. Like, her message is meant to come out fast. It's meant to, you know, go to the amount of people that it's supposed to go, like this large amount of people that her message goes to. And she found that she. She had, you know, been apologizing to, like, a past team that she was working with, and just this realization of, wow, it's not me, it's really the awareness of who I'm surrounding myself with. So if you feel wrong all the time, but, you know, you're just acting as yourself, that's a. Wow.

That's.

I mean, it's just so powerful. It's so simple, but it's so powerful.

Well, and for your friend, I would challenge her for one week to not say, I'm sorry. I challenge women to do this all the time and instead say, thank you for your patience, thank you for your understanding. You know, when you change the conversation, what you're doing is owning that you did not do anything wrong, but that you're understanding that that person was challenged with something. Watch then in turn how they respond to that because then it's not going to be your friend feeling bad about it. It may be that other person that works for her. And then that person can say, you know what? I don't think this is the right environment for me. I don't thrive in year.

So what was one of your biggest failures from this last year? But what did you take out of it?

Oh my gosh, I've had so many failures in the last year. It's like, where do I start? How long do you have?

That's how I feel about my year.

So I guess one. And this goes back to the pipeline and I know exactly what it is. This was to me because I usually am one to say it's not a failure. You know, it was just a pivot or a detour. And ultimately they all are because I didn't give up. If I give up, then it would be a failure. But this took a lot of time that I'm never going to get back again. And it did not give me the outcome that I was looking for. I partnered when I went out on my own. One of the things I know from business is when you start out and you've gone from a very large position, large company, and you go out on your own, you're the small guy. Well, immediately I thought, I don't like that I got to elevate my presence beyond that. I want to partner with a billion dollar company. Company. So I sought out Perry Ellis International because they're based in Miami, where I am. And one thing I know about sales, if I can get to an ultimate decision maker and show them how I can bring them value and something unique and innovative, 9 out of 10 times they're going to say yes. So I pursued him for months because of course he didn't take the first phone call. So this was a three month call to close. There's many calls that occurred. But I was relentless in my pursuit. I got to him, I pitched him, he said, said yes. We partnered together for his female clothing line, Rafaela. And my goal was I know how to sell things, I know how to move units. That's what I know how to do. If I can bring the clothing line to life with the tips and Techniques I'm teaching women around confidence building. It can be an experience for the brand. We can bring the brand to life. We can take the brand and sell the products on hsn, we can sell it from the speaking engagements on imom. We can really bring it to life. So I had this big picture idea. They were all in. Well, a couple of things I learned. One, when dealing with a billion dollar brand, they move very slow and I move very fast. So that was a mismatch right there. I was used to being in a big company, but I was one of the top people in the company. Now I'm on the outside working as a conduit into a big company which it doesn't allow you to move quickly. That was a disconnect. The next thing was I was so focused on that partnership and so clear that that was going to be my big revenue driver that I was letting other opportunities go and pipelines were drying up. And so in the end when we ended up deciding to part ways, I was really disappointed because we weren't able to get all of those ideas to life. We weren't able to move fast enough. HSN wanted us to bring a different unique product back to them because the product we brought them was already on air. So we kept running into these roadblocks I couldn't find fixed and I was really discouraged and I let that go on too long almost for one year. And it took a lot of time, a lot of effort. And what I learned was again, I got away from having multiple pipelines firing at full velocity and instead allowing one pipeline to consume me and it ended up being one that didn't. That did not succeed. So yeah, that's probably the biggest fail that I've had as well, especially about putting so much time and heart into something, something.

Can you see now that it was. Why was that vital though to spend all of that time there for you? Can you see the other side of that yet or no?

Well, I mean I've learned so much about the clothing business and I've learned so much about moving units and different distribution points and whatnot and manufacturing which I did not have knowledge on previously. So since then I've met some different people and talked about some of the things I was doing and I just got connected to a brand new that works with different influencers on creating different lines. So we're having discussions now around information that I gained during that time. So I don't know yet if this is going to materialize, but it definitely has given me a lot of Knowledge that I can bring now to different conversations and we'll see how it goes from there. I'm not sure yet.

Isn't that so interesting? Like, so many people that I've talked to are like, oh, I wasted so much time there. I'm like, you were just in a trade. Like, you're. We're learning a trade that's going to carry you somewhere else, even if it's just how to be patient, you know.

Like, that's a tough one to hear. That is a hard one I gotta work on.

I know I've, like, looked back at things. I'm like, well, that just, I guess taught me how to be in something and like, not having to have something happening, huge, you know, that you want. How to waste time effectively.

I don't know.

I'm not sure. But. Okay, so what is something that you want to share with people that you feel like they should know that maybe. Do you work with a lot of people, helping them probably pull out some of the biggest, you know, things that they want to do in their life? What are some of the things that you feel that people should know that's kind of missing in the conversation around stepping into this more confident you.

So sometimes there's small things that I notice with people that are easy to fix. But again, we just really have to observe, Observe our word choices and how we're handling ourselves. When you're all crumpled over in a table, in a meeting, you're communicating to the world that you are not confident. So immediately within 30 seconds of someone visually seeing you, they're formulating an opinion. Whether they know it or not, someone could see you, someone who has an opportunity for someone and they walk right by you. You could be that right person. But because you, you're not sitting up, you're not owning that power. Pose in your seat or standing or smiling. You've really got to become clear on who is it, what's that visual of who you want to be that you're working towards? And let's start owning that today. Doesn't mean you have to have all the answers. Doesn't mean you have to have all the confidence in the world. But let's not let that opportunity pass you by. Let's instead put yourself in the position to meet that next person, expand your next network. But it's not going to happen if you're not sitting up, eyes wide open, looking your best, smiling and ready to meet the world and take it on. So that's something really small that people can do that I Think makes a. It makes a big difference.

I love that you talked about that, because I think that that's so. So it's so powerful, not only in how you're showing up, but something that I have taken on. It's been the past few years, but I'm really trying to take it on even more this year. Like, I used to. To try to dress, like, cute, but to not intimidate people, whatever that means, Whether it's, you know, something bold or new or something, you know, that I feel is maybe a little more sexy if appropriate in the time. So for me, it's really crazy, because what I found is when I decide to fully commit to an outfit that is a little more bold or bright or whatever that is, like, I have to fully show up in how that outfit is meant to be worn. And what happens is the response is so different. Like, people want to talk to you. It's so different. So when I stand there with my shoulders back and something, I literally have people. Every time I do that, which is pretty much all the time now I'll wear something that's a little more bold or edgy or flashy or unique or whatever. I have people come up and say, oh, my God, I want to start doing that. Like, I literally don't want to wait to feel how I feel on the inside. Like, I want to show that I want to feel more confident. And I'm like, you guys, this is not. I'm like, this is a. This is, for me, an actual exercise. So every time I get dressed, it's an exercise in confidence. It never changes. It's never easier. I'm like, oh, my God, what am I doing? Like, I look like Bozo the Clown, even though. And my higher self picked this out and loved it. Like, you go out and you wear it. So how do you commit to the confidence? Like, we can talk about it all day long on this podcast, but when it actually comes time to putting your shoulders back into, you know, doing the thing or wearing the thing or, oh, my God, saying the thing, like, feeling like you have value in a conversation, how do I, like, commit to that or make sure I see it through?

You know, one of the. I first. I love that you said the thing about the outfit, because I had an experience like that in Vegas this summer where I was speaking in an event, and I saw that I'd only brought my ripped jeans, and I had never worn my ripped jeans to an event, and I was standing in the mirror and I was texting everyone. Do you think it's okay. And finally I said, forget this, I'm going. And it ended up everyone was like, oh, I love your outfit. It's amazing. So it's exactly what you said. When you actually rock your own style, you are your most powerful self, regardless of what anyone else is wearing. So check in with you before you leave. Not a card on what to wear, not necessarily what your friends are wearing. Check in with you and you're gonna show up your real sel and you're going to draw people to you. That is so, so true. Every single time. But to get yourself to raise your hand in that meeting, one of the things that I did, I start small. Everything I do is with baby steps. People will see you at some big event and they think, oh, she's so lucky. No, you should have seen me 20 years ago. The first time I raised my hand in a sales meeting, I almost wet my pants. I was petrified, I was sweating, I was scared. But I got so sick of it. You have to get, get to this place on your own or you have to challenge yourself. Or you can count yourself down like Mel Robbins does with her five second rule. There's a lot of different strategies, but for me, I got so sick of hearing bad ideas from all the guys on my team when I was a young salesperson that I thought, okay, I feel like I want to say something. It's like trying to get out of my throat and I'm holding it back in. I'm suffocating myself not to do it because I'm scared. What do I think is going to happen? I always look at worst case scenario and I run it through my mind. Will they throw tomatoes at me? Probably not. They're probably not going to throw tomatoes at me. Is someone going to hit me? No. You know, so what is the worst that's going to happen? Someone's going to say, bad idea, Heather. Okay, maybe that's what. But will I live? And that's my threshold. I always ask myself, will I live if I can that knowing this, I'm either building confidence in every minute or I'm chipping away at it. And I'm going to choose me today. And I'm going to build my confidence. I'm going to raise my hand, I'm going to share my idea, and then I don't have to leave mad that everyone had bad ideas. Worst case, I contributed a bad idea, but I built confidence by raising it. And guess what? No one threw a tomato. It wasn't a bad idea. And everything continued on and that was my first baby step. And the next day it was so much easier to do again. And that's when you take that next level on that ladder and say, what's the next thing I want to do? Well, now I want to ask, can I run a meeting one time? And then this is the evolution and the progress that you have to start charting for your yourself.

That's.

I.

Okay, so you voiced it like, you voiced my exact pattern. I go to worst case scenario, and it's always pretty much, will I live? And can I still like who I am after this? And that's. That's it. That's what I run everything through. And I. That you added, I choose me because it's the. I got to the place where I was so sick of betraying myself. Like, I just was so sick of not living as me that I was like, hey, living as me and accepting all consequences is better than what, Trying to make some. Someone happy by not talking. Like, you're just taking up space anyway at that point, like, you're a waste of space at that point, like, actually speak and then you're using, like, the gifts that we were given so you're not actually contributing anything. When you're quiet.

It. No, it's so true. And you're in meetings because they want you to contribute. You have been asked to a meeting to contribute something. You are taking up a seat like you said. And if you're going to own that real estate, you better bring some value.

Oh, my God. I just have to add, like, something that was really powerful for me, that helped me speak up. Is I almost. No matter where I am, if I. If I feel semi comfortable, even semi comfortable, I'm like, hey, can we just play stupid idea Time? And that's actually from my friend Rob Mercadroid. But like, kind of like saying, hey, I'm not saying this is like the most brilliant idea, but it could be something really awesome. Like, let's just play stupid idea time so we feel free enough to say everything we feel.

That's such a great idea. Because anytime you start tapping into your creativity, you never know what amazing thing can come out.

Oh, my God. It's. I've just like. I don't know. I've loved this conversation because it's a reminder to me of how important it is to speak up and say all those things. Because I think when you are anyone who is a entrepreneur or someone who loves personal development or growth, you're constantly questioning yourself. Because if you're doing it if you're, if you're into personal development, you're putting yourself into situations that are uncomfortable. So for me it can always. It's so crazy because I can go back to like that little girl mode of like, oh my God, I shouldn't take up space or don't be seen or are you valuable? So I've just thought this was, it's just such a good reminder to make sure you immerse yourself and talk about this topic like often if you need it.

Well, it's just like, you know, with the fitness world committing to a routine and every day getting up and eating right and working out, this is no difference. It's building the confidence muscle and it's just making that commitment and reminding yourself to take the steps every day. Everyone can do it.

So you have an amazing book around this, which is probably like one of the best things that you could read in the morning. If you are dealing with, with confidence issues or anything like that, or just wanting to take that next level, take your life to the next level. So where can we find you? Where can we follow you? Where can we get your book?

So my book, Confidence Creator is on Amazon, Kindle, it's in paperback and Audible and I narrate it, which is so exciting. I love that. It's so bizarre and exciting. You're in the same boat with me and I. My website is heathermonahan.com and you can follow me. I am on all social platforms at Heather Monahan and I always answer DMs. Maybe not the same day, but I try to get back to everybody.

Well, I just want to say thank you. I'm so glad that we could connect and I'm grateful for you, for the work that you're doing in the world and just how you are being so transparent, like taking a topic that for you has completely changed your life and within the pivots and just doing all of the different things that you're doing. It would be, it would be easy for people to look and say that. It's easy, but you're completely demystifying and helping and bringing people with, with you on your journey. So thank you for that because this has been super powerful for me today.

Oh, thank you so much, Laura. You're so sweet. I really appreciate your support.

So I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Okay, so if you are in an elevator with someone like a 30 second ride and it's a total stranger and they look over at you and they ask you, how can I make myself happy. What do you say in that short amount of of time?

I would either say believe in yourself or I would say love yourself. One of the. One of the two I would have to depend on if I had just listened to Kendrick Lamar or not.

Or you would just wrap both of them.

Either one.

Maybe that's what I need to do. I gotta practice that.

Yes. Oh my gosh. I need to see you like doing some sort of confidence rap. That would be amazing.

Next time I'll get work out.

Okay, you guys, if you loved this podcast as much as I did, make sure you share it and gift it to a friend who needs it. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would like, love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye Bye.