313: How to Map Out Your Goals in the New Year with Lauren Berger

The motivation to get it together came through a series of frustrations and at some point I was so sick and tired of being mad at myself for the same mistakes over and over and over and over again. I just kind of said like enough is enough.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self, love of junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show. Today's guest is Lauren Berger. She is the CEO and founder of internqueen.com and that reaches over 6 million people. She is also just launched the brand new career queen.com. berger is known as the Intern Queen because she successfully completed 15 internships at high profile companies like Fox, MTV and NBC during her four years in college. This led her to successfully launching her own business in 2009 with just $5,000 of her own personal savings and she's now a thriving company. She's been featured as a keynote speaker at 200 plus colleges, universities, leadership conferences and entrepreneurship events. She has written three books. Her first book was all work, no pay. I love that. Finding an internship, building your resume, making connections and gaining job experience and it became a national best seller. Her second book is welcome to the real World and her third book that is out now is get it together, Ditch the chaos, do the work and design your success. And today that's what we're talking about. Get it together and getting it together in the new year. How do we do that? How do we become a person who can actually reach these big goals that we want even when we don't know where to start? Or maybe we have a thriving business but we don't know how to pivot or we're missing different things. You guys, this conversation is loaded with so much goodness around achieving your goals. So if you want the breakdown and if you just want to feel like a normal person as you're listening to this, that you can achieve anything. No matter how big and beautiful this resume seems, this woman is the real deal in just another soul sister. So no matter where you're at in your life, whether it's the beginning of something that you want to start, whether you just want to get better at something that you're already doing, or whether you want to make these big, audacious goals. This conversation is definitely going to help you out. So let's get started. Lauren, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you for coming on.

Thanks so much for having me. I'm really excited.

Okay. This is so cool when you get to finally sit down and talk to somebody who you've been looking at online and you already like them online like you. You know, when you have those people. Exactly what you mean.

I feel the same way.

She's like a secret girlfriend and she doesn't even know it yet. Just because the content and the things that you put out and the things that you're into and just the entire vibe that you have around what you do is so awesome because it's exactly what I love. It's like connecting people and connecting women and really connecting people with their passions and you. And you have, like, a whole realm of things you do. So, first of all, for people who aren't familiar with you, I would love to know a bit of your backstory, but if you could just share what you're up to right now as well.

Yeah, absolutely. So for those unfamiliar, I'm the CEO and founder of a few things. One is the Intern Queen community. So that's internqueen.com, which is a free internship website. That's sort of how I got started in the space. We also recently launched CareerQueen.com, which is free content and advice for men and women who are looking for that next job or trying to get promoted at their job after college. And then I also run the Intern Queen campus agency, so we help brands connect with college students. And in addition to that, I just published my third book, get it Together, which came out a few weeks ago, and it's ditch the chaos, do the work. Design your success.

Okay. So I love the title of that book because I think it's so fitting for what we're going to talk about today because it is New Year's time and it is, like, on everybody's mind, whether you already have an existing life plan or a business or you don't at all. It's getting massively amplified right now. So get it together. Getting. Finally getting it together or really getting it together. Just. That applies so much to me, even right now, even in the space of already Having an existing business. Like, there are so many things in my life that I want to get really laser focused on. And getting rid of the chaos is one of those really big things for me. It's actually my main focus this year is getting really focused. So let's kind of start and break down what exactly that means and where people start who are kind of just starting out. Because I'll tell you, I would say majority of the people who listen to this podcast want to. They have a really large interest in bettering their lives or they're already starting to take massive action in creating, really moving forward in their purpose. So where does someone like that begin this time of year?

Yeah, and I mean, like, first of all, like, I hear you. I mean, I've been running intern queen now it'll be 10 years in 2019. And my life is full of chaos and I am constantly trying to get it together. And I wrote the book, so I think that this is definitely content that anyone can digest. Whether you have an idea and like you said, want to take action or maybe you've been taking action for a while and you just need to, like you said, really get focused and zeroed in. So I definitely think it can speak to. Or maybe you're in college, right. And just overwhelmed or anxious all the time. So this can definitely speak to your whole audience, regardless of like what step they're in in that, like, self improvement process. But I think the first step is kind of admitting that something's wrong or maybe not going the way that you want it to, and kind of admitting that there could be a better way if you tried. One thing I learned when writing this book and just talking to so many different people that have different jobs is that we're all really caught up in ourselves these days. And everyone really is convinced that their day is more important than everyone else's, is more overwhelming than anyone else's, that their to do list just trumps all right. Whether it's people that are working multiple jobs saying, well, I'm working 90 hours a week, or, you know, people that work in entertainment, which we experience a lot in la thinking that, you know, their schedule is busier and therefore more important than everyone else's. Like, everyone's way too caught up in themselves. So I think a big part of it is just admitting that maybe something's wrong and maybe, just maybe there could be a better way. I think that's the first step. And then the second step is really diving into how you're feeling and again, really breaking down why you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed or where the chaos, as you said, where is that coming from? Again, it's admitting the problem, and then it's really kind of breaking it down. And then once you break down the issues, then we can start to kind of redefine our goals and redefine our schedules and grow from there.

Oh, man. Okay, so that's such a powerful point. Admitting what's not going the way that you want. Number one, I love how that's worded because it's kind of like, okay, yes, sometimes things are wrong, but also sometimes when things are right, it can just be not quite feeling maybe how you thought it would feel. So analyzing that, because for me, if I'm actually doing this with you in real time, it would be like, my schedule is too full. Like, that's admitting, like, what's wrong. My schedule's too full. I'm saying yes to too many things. And that's just that in and of itself is a powerful place to begin. So I think some people get really overwhelmed with where to even begin. And, like, that gives you your first step. I love that.

Yeah. And I think that, like, once you kind of admit that to yourself, like, the schedule being too full, and that's when you kind of have to do two things. One being, I think, a great exercise. And I think I have this in chapter two of the book, which is all. It's called Own youn Day, Clean up youp Routine, where I really encourage people. There's actually, like a workbook type section where there's just a blank, like, morning to night schedule. And it's just kind of, you know, write out your dream scenario. Like, what do you want to be spending your time doing? And I can relate to what you're saying. I felt like my days were booked, and I felt like I was becoming a slave to my calendar. Like, my calendar had me on a leash, and I wouldn't blink. I would just go from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing. And by the time you know it, your day's done. Your to do list is the same. You haven't crossed off anything. You feel unaccomplished, unsuccessful. You freak out to your loved ones, and then the next day starts, hi.

Welcome to my life.

Yes, exactly. So I think it's like writing out what you want that dream schedule to look like and then looking at the disconnect. What are you spending your time on now versus, you know, what could you be. What could you be spending your time on? And, like, where's the disconnect. And how can you take small steps to try to fix it?

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Okay, I love that. Let's talk about what some other things blocking around this first step are, because I think for. For me, that was so much clarity. I think for people who have busy schedules, that's huge clarity. Now, what about the people who say they're just absolutely not sure, which you kind of touched on? Like, okay, this is where you should, you know, get clear on what you want your schedule to be. But sometimes they're like, okay, that's what I want my schedule to be. But what's the first step to doing that? And then also, how about the people who are. This is a tough one because I just want to give tough love during it. But what about the people who say, there's, like, no motivation there?

Yeah, okay, so let's break that down. So the first thing you said is, what about the people who. They can write out their ideal schedule, but maybe they don't know where to begin? And again, I think you have to be really honest with yourself and write out how you're spending your time today. And it's funny. I actually. I asked someone to do this the other day. A friend of mine was like, write out how you're spending your time. And she's like, well, I don't know. And it was like, okay, well, tomorrow morning, like, let's keep a notebook with you and figure it out. Because I think a lot of us don't realize how much time we're sometimes wasting in our day. You know, everyone's really quick to say, I have no time. But then when you look at how you're actually spending all your hours, you're like, oh, wait a second. Like, I'm watching reality shows for four hours every night. You know what I mean? Or like. Or you find something right in your schedule. So I think it's just being really honest with yourself about what's happening in your day now. And this doesn't have to be something you do over the next two months. Like, this can be something you do today or tomorrow. Just write down a typical day. And again, a lot of pushback I get there is like, well, no day's the same. We get it. You know, you're not that special. Just write down your day.

And we kind of are the same yeah, like, it's so funny.

At the end of the day, we are just write down your day. We all have so many excuses. Sometimes in my book, I call it shut up and work. Like, just shut up and do it right. And I have to tell myself that sometimes, too. I'm, you know, I'm guilty of, like, writing my to do list and then rewriting it. But, you know, it's like, lauren, just do your stuff. So that's what I would say to the people that are trying to match their schedule, their current schedule up with the dream schedule, and then for the people that are looking for, you know, the motivation. You know, it's a hard question to answer, but I think for me, the motivation to get it together came through a series of frustrations. And at some point, I was so, so sick and tired of being mad at myself for the same mistakes over and over and over and over again. I just kind of said, like, enough is enough. I need to get it together. Like, how many times am I going to. For me, it was just being sloppy. It was like, okay, Lauren, how many times are you going to lose your ID in New York City and then not be able to get on an airplane before you figure this out and get it together and organize your bag or get a bag that closes? For me, it was just, stop talking about going to the gym and then not going to the gym. Just go to the gym. I was really just kind of. I call it a self battle, and I just got tired of it. So I think sometimes the motivation actually comes from the frustration of just being tired of making the same mistakes again and being tired of feeling a certain way. So many people are guilty of complaining about how busy they are and not doing anything about it. I have so many friends that are like that, and, you know, I try to motivate them, and sometimes I just backfire. Backfire and annoy them. But I really try to point out, like, okay, you're feeling this way again and again and again and again. Like, we have to take action, and it's hard because I can't do it for them.

Oh, my gosh. Okay. Just have to quote you on that, because that was like, one of those moments that I'm like, oh, my God. I think that's the quote. It's so good. Motivation comes through. It's like allowing yourself to feel the frustration, like, sitting in it and being like, are you going to keep doing this? Because this is going to be your life on repeat. Like, so often we do things to. That's Where. That's the disconnect.

Right.

Is where we don't allow ourselves to really feel the frustration and play it into the future. And I think that we just. It's like, that's where we numb out. We're like, oh, this is hard. Let's go have some wine. Oh, this is hard. Let's scroll on Instagram. Oh, this is. You know, that's where that frustration. It's like.

Right. It's almost like. Right. You give up and you go back to scrolling.

Yes. So what is that to. Okay, so there's. There's the disconnect.

Right?

Okay, I'm. I'm motivated. Oh, I'm losing motivation. I go and do the old habit because we have plenty of them to fall back on. We have no problem with that. So how do we break that habit to get back into this new habit that we're trying to create?

Yeah. So I think it's a couple things. One of the things is you have to celebrate and really acknowledge the small wins. And I'm talking about really small wins. I made an Instagram TV video about this the other day, and this is a weird example, but I'm literally staring at some bananas on my kitchen table. So I'm gonna share this real quick. But, like, I mean, I can be such a hot mess sometimes that a couple months ago, my husband was digging through my work bag trying to help me find something, and all of a sudden, he screams, and he pulls his hand out of the bag, and it's covered in, like, brown squishy banana. But, like, so. I mean, so gross. And again, the epitome of, like, not having it together. And I said to myself, there has to be a better solution here. So I start Googling banana storage on Instagram or on Amazon, and sure enough, there are these plastic banana holders that you can put your banana in so that if your banana goes rotten and you forget it's in your bag, it's not going to ruin all your stuff. So that is an example of, like, such a small thing. But I use these. I'm like a big banana person. I always have one with me on the go just in case I'm running around. And it's just a little thing that makes me feel so together. And again, it's about noticing what those small things are in your life that kind of make you happy and really focusing on, okay, how can I find more techniques like this that just make me feel a little bit more together? There's a chapter in the book called the Tools, and it's basically just a list of some of the different organizational techniques that I use. I mean, nothing extravagant, but I literally have pictures of my notebook pages in there and I have this page that I keep. I love notebooks. So every time I get a fresh notebook, I always write the same things on the first six pages. And page six is always the happy page. And I don't do it every day, but whenever I can, I try to update just small, like the small wins in my day that make me feel good. So if I look at the example of the happy page in the book, it's like gummy bears and froyo, taking a dance class, getting into the office early, not overbooking a day, going to the Backstreet Boys concert in Vegas, these little things. But these are kind of the small wins. And I think literally writing them down is so important because the more you focus on them, the more you're going to want to have more of those things. And, you know, if we can activate these solutions when we're having a bad day, you know, that's really going to help us feel like we have more together.

I mean, I am, like, so relating to that on so many levels right now. And I'll tell you why. But number one, don't blame her if you Google banana holder because many things.

Amazon banana now you can only imagine what's coming up.

Let's clarify what to search. And number two, on the small wins, I literally. Okay, so I've been wanting to. I've been frustrated, right? So there's the frustration. And I've been feeling this for like six months that I've wanted to be more creative because I know me tapping into, like, me using my hands and being more creative is actually going to serve my life and my business. And I've been really frustrated because I haven't just. Just pulled the trigger trigger and decided to do something, whether it's pottery class or a blanket, weaving or whatever, knitting or whatever. So, like, literally this weekend I finally ordered the stuff two weeks ago to knit a blanket. I watched a YouTube video and I knit a blanket. And I. For two whole days, I've been walking around like I'm so proud of myself. Like, it's carrying me for so long to celebrate, like that tiny, like, break away from a pattern of just being frustrated. So that. And it's, it's serving my whole. It's so crazy because it's even serving like this podcast right now because I'm like, so proud that I did something for me. And it's making me want to show up even more, isn't that.

It's just.

That's what it is. It seems so simple, but it's like, really celebrating those moments where you took the action.

Yeah. And, you know, I'm sure I could tangent in a lot of different directions here, but, like, in today's world, you know, we're really, you know, in a world of pink Instagram posts and girl boss. And, you know, I really think, like, we're pushed to or encouraged to kind of, like, be working all the time and to be busy all the time. And we're kind of taught that success is related to how busy you are. And that's really the myth that I want to break through, is like, your success does not equal how many. Like, your. Your success does not equal the number of tasks on your calendar or the number of meetings you have that day. Right. Like, those two aren't the same. But we've convinced ourselves we really have that those are the same. Even. Even in social settings, the person that has the most plans on the weekend is the most popular or lives the best life. That's not true. So it's really important for us to kind of disassociate those things, like success and busyness, two separate things. And I think it's important for. Yes, you and I are both. We are our work in a way, and it can be really hard to. To separate those identities sometimes. And I think it's important to embrace our hobbies. I mean, I like to play Boggle on my phone every night, like, obsessively. And I love doing that because it has nothing to do with work. And it's something that. It's stimulating, and I like playing the crazy robot people on the phone, but it's just something that I do that I like that Lauren likes to do. That's not related to Intern Queen, and I love that. And I think it's important that we feed those hobbies and. And, you know, knit our blankets and play our Boggle and that sort of thing.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be.

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Okay, Boggle. Wasn't that the game that you could actually pop like the dice when it was.

Yeah, yeah. You shake up the dice and then you have to make the words. I play it on my phone, but like obs. I love it.

Oh my God. I remember like the real Boggle game. Like that's how far.

That's what I do at night to go to bed instead of scrolling on Instagram. Because I know we haven't kind of gone there yet, but one of my rules for my own sanity is no Instagram in bed. Like bed and Instagram are not friends. And I do have my phone with me in bed, so it is tempting to press it, but I don't. I've been really good about it. And instead I play Bot Gulp.

Oh my God. That's actually one of my rules too, which we could actually. Let's go to like the number two step for people. You kind of did one and two. So admitting what's not going right to how you're feeling, why you're feeling that way, like really start getting clear on that. And then what's number. What would you say is number three for people? Like, for. I think there can be so many steps that that's where people get overwhelmed. It's like, oh, we think we have to do all of this all at once. Even the people who already have the business or who want to pivot a little bit. How do we start knowing what the goals are?

Yeah. So I think so a couple things, you know, one, and I always say As I went through this process of getting it together, which, it's a learning curve, I'm still trying to figure it out, but I realized very quickly that coping with failure was going to be a big theme. And I actually, I was going to do a chapter in the book on coping with failure towards the end. And then I said, we have to move this towards the beginning because if anyone's going to get it together, they're going to have to deal with failure first. Because. Because as you get it together or try to hit your goals, you make so many mistakes, you mess up constantly. It's just part of it. And so we have to be able to cope with failure or rejection or missteps, whatever you want to call it in a healthy way. I was practicing a lot of self hate. I just found myself being so tough on myself and I would make a mistake and my brain would turn off. I would go into my anchor box and it was just really unhealthy. And I really had to have a serious kind of self pep talk and say, hey, if you're going to get from where you are to where you want to be, this is part of the road. You got to do a better job of embracing that failure. And so I think that's a big part of it, is just realizing and having that moment where you say, okay, this isn't going to be easy and I am going to have missteps and that's okay.

I'm so glad you moved that to the front and that we even moved that to the front of this conversation because it is. I can't even tell you, looking back at my journey, like, I wish and I don't wish because I needed to go through it, but if we can make it shorter for other people just on what that actually looks and feels like. Because it feels like shit. Like when you get told no or, you know, maybe people write politely that you suck or not so politely, or that you're not special or you're not different or, you know, your stuff is like everybody else's or whatever that looks like. What have been some of your nos or turndowns that have brutally like made you feel like you want to quit if you can remember any or stop. Um, and how did you move past them?

I mean, I feel like at least two to three times a week. I, I mean, I get rejected every day, multiple times a day. And I, that's, that's also a consequence of, you know, me being someone who's constantly putting myself out there, pitching myself, pitching my Business pitching my brand. Like, when you put yourself out there like that, it's gonna happen. And I would say there's at least two or three rejections a week that kind of sting, you know, some of them, you don't care, but a lot of them hurt. So in the book, in the coping with failure section, I think I put, like. I don't think I named the brand, but I put pretty much word for word. I put an example of I do this big intern queen party every year. I've been doing it for eight years now. It's like our signature event series that we do over the summer. And we had a big retail partner for three years. And, you know, it was a really big moment when they said yes, and we had a great relationship and put on great events for them. And I think it was last year as I was writing the book. I went to ask them about 2018, thinking that it would be an instant yes because it'd been so great and it was a no. And that email, it hurt. And it's really weird when you think about it, that a lot of times the people that make you so happy because they give you a yes a couple years later, those are the same people that are telling you no. And that's a weird thing to try to cope with. So I talk about in the book how here I am at my desk trying to have a super productive day, and you get this email, and it's like a smack in the face. And then you have a couple choices, right? You can either ruin the rest of your day, which I've definitely done in the past, or ruin your friends and family's day, or your husband's day, or you can take a step away from it, or you can kind of keep going. And something that I don't do all the time, but when I do activate this, it typically works, is just putting it aside, saying, you know what? I don't need to deal with this right now. Communication does not need to be instant. That is a message. And I can get back to this in a few days once I've processed it. And I really tried to just keep the show on the road and go back to my plan. My husband calls it sticking to the script. You had a plan for your day. Don't let this one rejection email totally take you in a different direction. Just stick to the script, put it in a box, and you'll process it later. And sure enough, three days later, when I was in a better space about it, when I wasn't feeling so bitter, I crafted a beautiful email back, and I put that email in the book of, like, exactly what I said back and moved on. So that's an example.

Thank you for sharing that. I think that's so important for people to hear, and I just want to touch on people who right now are. There's literally some people who are saying, okay, well, she might be better than me at separating, like, those emotions or business, or I'm way more sensitive than that, or I have more trouble getting through that, and I just want to, like, bust that. That. Yes, you may have once felt that way, but you've had to learn how to, like, like, literally detach your energy from it, separate and move forward. Like, detach yourself, your identity and your energy.

Absolutely. And it's something that I still work on all the time. I mean, I'm sure you can relate, like, as a business owner.

Oh, my God, yes, I deal.

I work with great people and have great experiences, and then I work with, like, not so great people and have not so great experiences. And, like, and some of the things that people are capable of shock me in a negative way every day, whether it's how a vendor handles something or how an employee handles something. I've dealt with so many different things, and sometimes I'm really strong, and I'm like, yeah, look at me go. And sometimes I take things really personally, just like everybody else, and it is really hard to disconnect. But actually, something I. Again, the book's a little bit workbooky, but there is a section where I have people write down a handful of ways that they've dealt with failure successfully in the past. Because, again, so much of it is knowing what makes you feel better and then remembering to activate that solution. Like, sometimes I know what makes me feel better, but me actually taking the steps to feel better in that moment of depression, you know, that's really difficult. So, like, for me, if I'm home, obviously, I can't do this if I'm in the office, but if I'm home, I know typically that taking a shower, as weird as that sounds, and literally just like, washing it off makes me feel better. And I feel like I emerge from the shower just in a more calm place. And so, like my husband, a lot of times will be like, lauren, put yourself in the shower. But again, it's about activating those solutions that, you know, work for you so that, you know, we can all just try to deal with things in a more positive, healthy way.

Oh, I, I. Yeah, I'm just over here, like, shaking My head the whole time, because I've so been there. I'm like, I either need to go jump in the ocean as a reset. Like, just do something to reset me. Like, get it off. Or like you said, like, shower is huge for me too. Like, it just like a. Is a reset in your day, or there are some days that are so bad, I'm like, I'm done for the day, and I'm just gonna go to bed early.

Right, Right. And that's. Right. And that's okay. I, like, sometimes I'll call my friends and, like, talk about their babies or something. You know, just like, talk about something that is just so not related to work. Because it's so easy to get. Like I said, like we talked about earlier, it's so easy to get caught up in your own stuff and just to take that with you to every place you go and with every interaction and, like, who wants to do that? You know? Like, work is work, and. And sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not so good. And, like, we all have lives outside of it, too. And, you know, it's important to put it in perspective.

Oh, man, I love put it in perspective. That's so huge. Cause as big as you need to make it in order to get there, like, as much as you need to, like, lean in and make this, like, the thing that you want to do and, you know, be so driven by it, you also equally need to be able to be like. And in the grand scheme of life and death and, you know, everything else in between, it's kind of like, I get to do this, like, really being, like, I actually just get to do this. I get to go for my dreams at the end of the day. That's all it is. So, yeah, that's super powerful. Okay, so coping with failure. That was a huge one. And then moving on after that. So once you're kind of like, okay, I'm out there, I'm moving. But now I have these massive goals, but I need to get more organized. Like, what do I need next?

So the next step is really clearly defining your goals. Now, the problem with this is if I said to a room of people, write down your goals, they would fill a notebook page with, like, a zillion goals. And that's great, but I mean, I think that picking three goals, you can pick them any time of the year you want, but try to stick with them, you know, especially going into, you know, especially with New Year's. Right? Three goals, three New Year's resolutions is perfect. And it's great to pick those goals and really hone in on them and then not just talk about the goal, but talk about the action plan associated with the goal. So whether that's a fitness goal, a work goal, a personal goal, and I'm going to talk to my family and friends more goal, whatever that is. Put down your top three goals, know them, memorize them, be able to shout them from the rooftops. And then you have to take the next step, which is to come up with an action plan. What are the steps that you need to take every week to make sure that you're achieving that goal? Because if we just say, oh, you know, if I said, oh, I want to drive to Vancouver, okay, but like, how am I going to get to Vancouver? I need the roadmap, right? And that's what the action plan is going to do. In the book I talk about the yqmb. My mom actually was telling me the other day, she's like, I really don't like yqmb. Couldn't you have come up with something, Mom? I'm like, geez, mom. But the yqmb, I like it. It's your yearly, quarterly, monthly and bi weekly goals. So it's basically saying, and again, this is perfect timing. It's saying, okay, you know, my goal is to make X amount of money over the course of a year. Okay, that's my yearly goal. And I'm all about putting a number with a goal if possible so that it's really measurable. But okay, so if that's my, if I want to make $100,000 this year, right, that's my yearly goal, well then I'm going to break that down into okay, how much is that every quarter, how much is that every month, how much is that? I usually do bi weekly instead of weekly goals. It's just, I think, hard to get a lot of stuff done in a week. So okay, in that 14 day period, what are the steps that I'm going to take to hit these benchmarks? My goal setting chapter in the book is intense and so I do warn people, go for it. When you're in the mood to set your goals, have your cup of coffee, have your notebook ready, because it's really detail oriented. But for me, going back to coping with failure, if you're trying really hard to achieve your goal and then you get a rejection, it's very easy to get off path and off track and sometimes you'll lose like five to seven days just being stuck in your own whatever. So I think the Nice thing about these action plans is it's kind of your roadmap so that when you get lost, just like in the car, you know, you can go back to the map and say, okay, like, this is what I need to get back to. This is what I need. This is what I need to do to achieve this. This.

Let's touch on that real quick. Like, getting off track. Because I think that while goals are super important and having it laid out, there is that point where having the right people around you or knowing when to like, okay, I need to process this with a friend so my comeback rate can be quicker. How do you now in your life when you have something, who do you process with or what do you do to kind of be like, okay, I need to get this up and out so that I can move forward on my goals?

So that is a good question. I mean, well, I guess the first thing I'll say is that, like, tweaking your goals is a thing. And even if you have a goal, like, for example, we had a revenue goal. I talked about it in the book pretty openly. I'm like such an over sharer here. But I love oversharer. I look back, I'm like, geez, I wrote that. My God. But you know, like, I had a revenue goal for my business for the year and we didn't hit it. And we're not going to hit it. We're going to be way off. But like, six months in, unfortunately, after I finished writing the book six months in, I realized that it wasn't like we were off a little bit, we were off a lot. And so I went back and I tweaked that goal because we all have the power to do that. And I think there's a stretch and then there's a struggle, right? And I knew what could happen and what couldn't. I didn't think it was healthy for me to live with like, some sort of unrealistic expectation for six months. So I tweak the goal. And so I do want to say that, like, tweaking your goal is okay and like being realistic with what you can do and what you can't do is a thing. And that is okay for me. I mean, I'm really the one that holds myself accountable. Like whenever I have a new notebook, which is usually like every six weeks or so, like the first six pages, that's where I write down these goals and I write them down again and again and again, and it's the same three goals. And maybe they're tweaked a little bit or the numbers are a little bit different, but I make sure that I'm always updating those pages, and that way I'm always reminding myself of what those goals are. We actually just hired an intern queen, like an operations manager, because as, you know, as you expand and scale and grow, processes are so important. We still don't have an HR person, so she's handling a lot of HR duties, and it's going to really be her job, too. Work with me on the benchmarks for each team member and then meet with each team member, like, bi weekly to make sure that they're on track to hit their goals. And if they're not, you know, let's talk about it. So I actually said to her yesterday, we were having a planning call, I was like, well, I want to play too. Like, I'm going to write down my benchmarks so that you can help hold me accountable. You know, I want to take advantage of that, for sure. Love some good old accountability coaching when you can get it. But other than that, it's really me holding myself accountable.

So you do have great people around you. It sounds like that you can kind of check in with. Or do you process with your husband when things go wrong?

Who are you?

Kind of like, oh, shit, things hit the fan.

Poor guy. Yes. My husband is also an entrepreneur, so, yeah, totally. He knows we've been together for, like, eight years, and he knows everything about the business, what goes wrong, what goes right. And poor guy, you know, he doesn't always get it in the most professional way.

So, yeah, I find that, like, I find as an entrepreneur, it's so important to at least have one person that you can talk about, like, how you're talking about coping with the failures, that you can talk about that so they can kind of like. Because there are those moments, man, when you are just like, you need to be scraped off the ground. Like, someone needs to be like, okay, let's. It's not that bad. Like, let's really talk about this and get you back up. Because otherwise you can kind of, like you said, sometimes you can lose. You can lose seven days. There have been times I've lost a month, you know, because you're like, oh, my God. Like, in the beginning phases, you can just be put down for so long thinking that you're not good or you're not meant for this. If you don't have those people who are like, remember who you are.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And, you know, outside of my team members at work, I For whatever reason, all of my friends are extremely opinionated. And I'm one of those people that has, like, you know, maybe no new friends, but all the old friends have been around for 20 years, so they're all extremely opinionated. So whenever I need a little bit of a confidence boost, they're like, they give a lot of tough love. Stop complaining, get over it, move on to the next. My mom is kind of like that also. So I agree. It definitely helps to have those people around you. And my husband and I have to go back and forth between, like, okay, I'm putting on my wife hat. Oh, I'm putting on my business hat because in a lot of ways it's two different tones.

Oh, my God. Yeah, so that's what I want to point that out because some people don't have that around them. So it's game changing for people. Because it sounds like everything that you've said, like, your comeback rate has been pretty fast for people who don't have that yet. I always try to, like, remind them of what happens when someone's like, tough love or, you know, helps them get back compared to like, oh, yeah, it's scary to go for your dreams or, oh, this sucks and people are awful, or social media is a scary place, or, oh, yeah, people will attack you if you do that. Like, yeah, you're not going to want to go after your goals anymore if people are confirming, like, yeah, it's scary and hard. So absolutely, yeah.

And I was going to say, I mean, something that I've learned along the way is like, vent to the right people. And, you know, yeah, you're going to make mistakes. You're not always going to know who those people are. But like, for example, for me, if I have a, if I have something happen and it's very business oriented, I can certainly tell my best friend about it. But she works in a completely different industry, completely different lifestyle. She can be compassionate or like you said, she can give me tough love, whatever, and try to give me whatever advice comes to mind. But I like to call some of. I have two really close friends that both run their own businesses and I really like calling them when certain things happen because the odds are they've also been through it. And so I find that, that the conversations are a little bit more productive. And, you know, sometimes it's annoying to like, call your mom and she's like, next. And you do just want to vent about the problem. So I do think it's about vending to the right people. And over time you kind of figure out who those people are. I always say, like, I have a pool of people and they didn't. They weren't there right away, but I have a pool of people and I call them like my confidence people. Meaning that if I'm feeling down and like, I just need a good old fashioned dose of confidence, there are certain people that I call because they're so overconfident and I just, like, want a piece of it. Right. And it's surprising who those people can be. Like, I have a family friend who I've known for forever, who very recently at a family dinner, we've probably known each other for 30 years. We randomly started talking about work stuff. And he really just gave me great advice and made me feel more confident. And all of a sudden, he's one of my confidence people. I call him. So I think that sometimes the right people pop up from unexpected places.

Oh, my God, I love that. That is like priceless advice. Learn to vent to the right people. So I mean, that is like, it's like a do or die situation. It is. There are those moments in life where when you're already down or you're low or you're sensitive, like, be super aware of who you're talking to. Just like if you, you had problems with your husband and it was like, oh, we are hit or miss right now. You don't want to go talk to that person who is like anti couples.

Exactly. Right, right.

Like, you're not going to be a couple. You will be out with them that night. So, yeah, like, just being overly aware. Okay, Amazing. All right, so getting super clear on your goals. So what would you say is number five? Like the bow of like. Okay, so here we are. We have our goals. We know how. What happens if we get off course. What is kind of the. What are we ye. What's different?

I would say next, it's time to. I mentioned this earlier, but, like, shut up and work. Like, at some point. And I talk about at the beginning of the book, I have these 17 guiding principles for getting it together. And one of the guiding principles is stop getting ready to get ready. Stop getting ready to get ready. And it just means, like, at some point we can all make our goals. And then again, if you're like me, you stall and you write them prettier and blah, blah, blah, at some point, you just got to put your head down, you got to shut up, and you got to do the work. And that means finding your focus zone and making sure that whatever environment you're putting yourself in is getting you the results that you need. I talk to so many people who just sit at work all day, and then they leave work and they feel unaccomplished. And I was like that, too. I would work eight hours a day, and then I would come home and have this huge to do list. And I was like, wait a second. The way that I work is not working because I'm not getting anything done. And for me, and I know this, actually, Laura, you can probably relate to this. But for me, the problem was I would have this long to do list every day, but then I'd be booked on calls and meetings every day. And I said, wait a second. How am I going to get any of the to do list items done if they're not wedged into my calendar? Otherwise, I just go to work, I do my calls and meetings, I come home. The to do list still lives on, Right? So for me, it was a matter of decluttering the calendar and not being afraid of pushing things out a bit. And. And you can't do everything from your to do list, but taking the top three things that are the most urgent or important and blocking time for those into my calendar so that at the end of the workday, I could actually say, oh, I accomplished the most important things. And I like doing those as early in the day as possible because having that sense of accomplishment when you leave the office is important. I think so many people don't feel accomplished when they leave the office, and that's what leads to feeling overwhelmed and feeling stressed and starting to take it out on the wrong people and starting to get your priorities confused between, you know, family events and work events. And, you know, the list goes on.

Oh, my God, that's so powerful because I totally relate. It's so easy for people, I think, especially with whether you have a business and you're, you know, a lot of our businesses are on social media. It's easy to think like, well, I'm doing content or I'm doing a podcast with someone, or I'm getting my stuff out there. Like, but bye, four o'. Clock. You've done, like, all these different things that don't actually move the needle forward. Like, yes, you've talked a lot and you've talked about your business and you've put stuff out, but you're, like, not actually doing the stuff that really pushes it forward. So. And also knowing, like, if I don't feel accomplished by 4 o', clock, I've already just killed my day because my.

Energy I feel the same way. Yep.

So like put those things like the interviews or the things for social like in the evening and put the big things like you said. I love that, like know your know where your willpower is. Like get really self aware with the willpower. And I know that you talk about self awareness too a lot, but.

Yeah, yeah.

What's something about self awareness with that around? That with your schedule?

At the end of the day, we all sort of know ourselves and we know where we're strong and we know when we're weak and we know when we work best and the environment that we work best in and it's just catering to that. Like if you know you're not going to go to the gym after 12 in the afternoon, then like go to the gym in the morning, you know, stop. You're only fooling yourself at some point point if you know that. Like me, I mean, I had this like really just intense contract like template that I had to put together for like a prospect, you know, for a potential client earlier this morning. And like I'd been putting it off for three days. I did not want to do it, but I knew if I didn't do it first thing this morning with like my fresh cup of coffee, it just would have continued to get pushed off. So I think a little bit of or a lot of it is really just knowing yourself and being real with yourself and saying, okay, no need to lie to myself here. If I don't do this now, I'm never going to do it. And typically starting with the stuff you don't want to start with, there's so many other tips I could bring in there. Like don't start your day with your email, start with your to do list. Because sometimes they're aligned, but a lot of times they're not. And we could all sit on email all day long and still get nothing done. Instead of answering other people's requests all day, get the things on your to do list done and then you'll go to the emails and also just managing people's expectations. They don't need to hear from you right away. Like, they just don't. And until we can all believe that, you know, we're going to continue to be super stressed because this whole instant communication thing is just not, it's not real. It's not a real expectation. You can't get back to everybody the second they text, email or Facebook you.

And you can't get back to everyone, period.

That's like, exactly right. And some things you're just not going to get back to you and that's okay.

And you're going to disappoint people and piss them off and that's okay.

That's okay. Yeah.

And then that, that whole thing you just said could be like an actual part two of just. And you don't have to please everyone and that's how you're going to get your stuff done.

Totally.

Like some people will be like, well, I emailed you and I'll be like, well, did you follow up? Because if you didn't, then I don't know. I mean, we all get so many emails every day. Who knows? Like, did you pick up the phone? Did you call me? I don't know. I really tried to like let go a little bit and like you said, kind of admit that I'm not perfect. I can't answer every single email all the time. You know, we all have our own schedules and our own priorities and just gotta try, you know, you do what you can.

That's so powerful. That's been, that's been a huge one for me is realizing other people's agenda and then the agenda that I'm here to actually like live out or live into my purpose.

Right. And sometimes they match up and sometimes, sometimes they don't. But yeah, and then I would say like, maybe one of the final things is like being okay with disconnection. And that's been a big thing for me over the past few months. I took my work email off my phone right after Labor Day in September. So it's been off for a few months now. And a lot of people give me a lot of guilt about that. Like how could you be the CEO of a business and have team members and not always be connected? But I think that by disconnecting in that way and by only doing emails when I am being intentional with my time and saying I am doing emails now, I think I'm actually better at my job. It's just again, it's being intentional with the way you spend your time. It's me half emailing from the treadmill isn't helping me. And I don't think the person on the other end is getting a complete response anyway ways I think I'm also better able to process rejection when I'm intentionally sitting at my computer and answering emails and not just scrolling with the scroll finger before I go to bed and then seeing something annoying that's going to keep me up all night. I know that right now, especially if you work for somebody else and they've made this crazy expectation for you that you're always connected, yada yada. I get it. It's almost like a vanity thing at this point. But I do think it's important for everybody to ask themselves what they can do to disconnect. So, quick example. My brother is a consultant at one of the biggest consultant firms there is, as far as I know. And he's in New York City and he has implemented two hours of disconnection a day, one during work. And obviously it's not at the same time every day. He has meetings and calls and all that, but he looks at his schedule and he says, okay, when can I? I shut off my phone for an hour so that I can really focus on whatever he wants to focus on. And then he also does it for an hour a day at home. He's guilty of the crazy group texts with friends nonstop. So he disconnects. And by doing that, he's discovered all these new hobbies. He's now really passionate about crossword puzzles, but it's just him getting some time for himself that he never really had before. And maybe it's just leaving your phone at home when you go to Sunday brunch or when you go for a walk. But what is, is that small thing that you can do to embrace disconnection? Because I do believe it'll actually fuel you and it'll help you be better at whatever you're trying to accomplish.

That is like, number one, like the best way to close this out. And also just maybe one of the most important things, because I will tell you, I've implemented so much of that now that I just, I turn my phone off or I don't take it with me out a lot. And I will say that my anxiety is probably like 70% less. I used to live like so anxious and I didn't even. I knew I was anxious, but I didn't know how anxious until I became less anxious. I just thought it was like my way of being. I was like, no, I'm an anxious person. And now I'm like, no, you're a really frickin peaceful, happy person. Like when you are not constantly feeling like being pulled or judged or at any given moment, like someone could, you know what it feels like as a. And I'm sure you can relate to this. Like you can be having this great time with your friends or family and all of a sudden you can. Like you kind of said, like that email can upset you and it robs you of your day or your moment. Oh yeah. No more of that. No more. No.

Yeah. And we've all been there. We've all been at like the wedding where someone in the bridal party gets that text and they have to go outside and they're awkwardly outside for an hour or you're at brunch and like someone checks their email and then they're silent and in their workhole. And you know, I guess the other thing I'll say is that, that think about the healthy boundaries that you can set with your boss. We had someone on our team had said, I'd really appreciate it if I didn't get any texts before 8:30 in the morning. And I think at first it was kind of like whoa. But then I really said, wow, this is really great. She is trying to set a healthy boundary for herself and I really respect that. I think it's important for all of us to think about what those boundaries can be. A lot of people say, well, if I could just have 5pm to 8pm to be with my kid after work, I'll answer emails whenever else, but during that time I just want to be home with my kid or whatever that thing is for you. Maybe it's like I just want to hike every Saturday. I want to go on my two hour hike and I want to be free to rock out to my headphones and then I'll get back to, to work, you know, but just figure out what that disconnection moment is for you and practice setting healthy boundaries. And I do believe, I know it's not here yet, but all of us that are sitting at the top, all of these employers, not just of small businesses like mine, but of big organizations, they're really going to have to rethink what the expectation that they're setting because it is a trickle down effect, you know, And I do think that they're going to start to pull back because they're going to have to. I mean people are just going to explode, right? And people want time for themselves. It's not, you know, it's not a race to be the busiest person on the planet.

So you have to. I literally, I've experienced that firsthand like for myself and for, from being an employer, like you know, having the expectation of former employees or assistants always like having their phone on. And while I didn't abuse it, I did notice that they didn't really feel totally off ever because they felt like they had to always check it or make sure they weren't missing something. And now it's like literally having set hours for them Knowing that there might be times I may not be able to get a hold of them, and I just deal with that or it goes somewhere else or it goes into an emergency type of thing. So. But that's been really powerful because there's so much like my. This new set of employees is like, so much happier the last two years. And I can tell it's because of those. Those things that we've implemented. And they work harder, they're happier, they work harder when they're here. It's a way more fun culture because they can go and detach and they have a separate life. And it's just like, it has paid off tenfold. So we've had to switch the way we work, and that means switching the way that we talk to our customers and setting the expectation from the beginning so that we can keep that culture because they feel it.

Absolutely. And I think so many other organizations are going to have to. They're going to have to, like, they're going to have to replicate that, even really large organizations, because what employees want is changing and employers are going to have to adapt. So I think that's a great standard to set.

Well, I have so thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. I loved every minute of. It was powerful for me, someone who already is doing exactly what they want to be doing. I feel very clear. I know that people who maybe haven't started are probably so excited to start because it's really, really just. It's one. One thing at a time. And we're all the same. We all struggle with the same stuff. So we need your book, though, because we're gonna forget. So where can we grab your book?

Yeah, so Get It Together is available on Amazon, and then it should also be at any major bookstore. So definitely check it out. And then I have internqueen.com, careerqueen.com, and then I have three Instagrams, which is bizarre, but nternqueen, if you're in college, ficial career queen if you're out of college and doing your own thing and trying to figure things out. And then I also have my own, which is official. Lauren Berger.

Amazing. And we will make sure that we tag all of those in our posts and also put them in the show notes and everything. So, you guys, this is like the world's most perfect New Year's book. Get it for a friend who maybe is thinking about starting or is already starting. Maybe you guys could do it together, because you guys know I'm all about doing books together. That would be like the perfect book club book for an entrepreneurial person or goal oriented person. So, Lauren, I'm so grateful for you. Thank you again for coming on the show. And I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

I'm ready. And I don't know the question.

Ruh Roh. Okay, so it's easy. Just whatever first comes, comes out of your mouth. So you are in an elevator with someone. It's literally just a 30 second ride. It's like two floors and they look over at you, it's a total stranger, and they ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

I think I would say, do you? I mean, this year, anything is possible. People are really, really following their passions this year. And like, look at me, I'm the intern queen. You can do anything that you want to do. So just do you and go find that happy.

I love that so much. And you guys, if you love this conversation as much as I do, did, and if you know someone who needs it, please make sure you go give this to a friend, gift it to a friend, text it to a friend, and until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks. Gab in, guys.

Bye. Bye.