340: Own and Launch Your Truth Online with Destinee Berman

If you want to price it at 1,008, who cares that that's not 997 or 995, it's you. And if there is a good enough reason for that, and if that's who you are, to just really not be afraid of being yourself, both in business, both in life, and to really stand up and to really show up for that.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entreprene and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go.

Welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for joining me. Another week. I am so beyond grateful for all of your shares, all of your stories, and just coming back and listening to all of these incredible humans that I get to have conversations with. You know, when I started this podcast, I really, really not only wanted to be able to connect with these incredible people offering so much value, but I wanted to have convers that I knew were shifting my life and I wanted to be able to share what was impacting me. So truly, I don't even ever, I don't ever feel like I'm the person, like giving you all of this information or teaching you. I feel like we are constantly learning side by side. So all of my aha moments, I'm praying that you're having the same moments or in a different way, or you're finding yourself in the story and in the journey. Because I really believe this podcast is just sharing the journey. And I know that when people have done that for me, that that truly has been how I have learned. So I'm thrilled to share today's guest with you. And that is Ms. Destiny Berman. And she's been called the strategist and secret visionary behind today's most widely recognized online schools in the holistic coaching and mindfulness space. After 15 years in Silicon Valley managing clients like Twitter, HP and Microso, she left in 2014 to follow her calling. Today she's the digital marketer and launch Manager for multiple 6&7 figure Online education platforms. Successes that have touched the lives of millions of women worldwide. And, you guys, I'm so thrilled to have her on, because I actually got to spend a year masterminding with her and the wisdom that she brought into the room. And whenever she would talk about really getting your message out there, she truly works with a lot of health and spiritual coaches and really helps helps them not only get out into the world and to really help support themselves financially, but she helps own the message. And I really find that that is where the disconnect is.

It's.

It's not. It's truly not ever about I don't know how to make money. It's like, I don't know how to truly own this so that I feel solid in what I'm doing and sharing, because when we feel solid in our message, everything can come together, and she truly gives a really beautiful strategy in everything that she does. So if you guys are ready for some strateg, this is gonna be your girl. But the conversation is so much more than that. It's about owning your truth and adding that and incorporating it into what you want to do. So let's get started.

Destiny, I'm so excited to have you on the show today. Thank you for joining me.

I'm so happy to be here, Lori. I feel like we have such a great connection, and I'm just. I'm thrilled to be here.

Okay, so there's, like, a million things I want to talk to you about, because Destiny and I got to spend, like, the last year in a mastermind together, and I'm always extremely drawn to you because of, number one, what you have to say. But you also have this, like. I'm sure you've heard this before, but you have, like, this very quiet power about you, and something that I love, like, this is so important for people to hear. You can show up in a room, and you can be felt and you can be seen without having to be loud or be the most outgoing person in the room or be the person who has to say everything that they're doing, which both are great. But I know for me, it's always powerful for me from a former shy person to see someone who can show up powerfully without saying anything. So that's you for me. So I'm always, like, I don't know. I just always love that example. So have you known that about yourself?

Kind of. I feel like that's been evolving for me, and part of the maturing process has just been comfortable with that because there's a part of Me where I want to be more loud or more expressive. Right. And always been this, like, lifelong. How much of myself do I want to express? How comfortable am I expressing myself? And I never would have guessed that you were shy, so I'm surprised that you said that. And as you were speaking, I was like, getting goosebumps. And that's usually a sign that just being really connected right now and that I'm just really being seen, but yes. So, like, I guess the answer is yes and no. I've kind of felt it, I've kind of known it. Expressing myself has always been an ongoing journey for me.

I think for me too. And it's a powerful recognition for me to see you because it's acknowledgement that I don't have to. You know, there's a belief sometimes that I have to speak up and show up and make my rounds in the room in order to be seen and felt. And that's not necessarily true. So thanks for mirroring that back to me. That's amazing. So, Destiny, I would love for you to share kind of your background on what you do, but what got you there.

So let's see, let's see if I can tell this in a very short way.

I know it's like, how long do you want? Do you want to take the whole hour on this or.

I'm in San Francisco, and so I've been a digital marketer for what, 20 years?

Oh, my gosh.

Also makes me feel old.

No, you started when you were like three. It's fine.

That's what it feels like. In 15 of those years I spent working at tech companies all up here in San Francisco. I've been driving campaigns, working with brands like Twitter, like Microsoft. I like to share that I launched Sephora Beauty Insider, their online campaign, before they even rolled it up. This was back in 2007, 2008. So it's been a long time being in this space. I love it. I love tech. I love how fast things move, I love how fast things innovate. And yet, kind of along the same thread, in the last 15 years, I've immersed myself in a lot of transformational work and a lot of healing work. You know, I can go pretty woo woo, and I can go, you know, traditional therapy and whatnot. And so I've done a lot of that work with my husband. And so four to four and a half years ago, I left and wanted to do something for myself. And essentially what unfolded was I found myself helping a lot of astrologers and yoga teachers and healers transformational teachers launch their online education platforms and really making that accessible for more people and really helping them grow and prosper, both in impact, but also with income.

So there's a couple things that you say that I was just reading in your bio and I obviously was like binging on your social media as well, which was super fun, by the way. You're like so amazing with your social media because you really come through. So if you guys don't already follow her, go follow her right now. And you had said you want to normalize woo woo. And I love that because, number one, I think the word can even get. It's like, in the beginning, I didn't even know what to call or what to say about what I wanted to do. Because what I was doing in the beginning, this is such a great conversation because I lived it. I came from the fitness background and then I dove into self development and I couldn't quite share how to get a transformation for people without sharing, like the woo woo or what I believed or God or spirit or source or Buddha and whatever people believe. Like, I couldn't share it without a bigger truth, like without a bigger conversation. And in the beginning, this was super tough for me because, number one, not a lot of people were talking about it. Number two, I didn't feel like people were necessarily ready for it yet, and I wasn't sure how to start talking about it. So I know that that's something you kind of specialize in, is helping health coaches and spiritual practitioners really get their message out there and get paid for what they're doing because it's also a struggle for people to get paid. So what did you start finding in this? Is that an area that you like to work in? And why is that?

Well, I love it because it's stuff that I'm immersed in every day. So I have my team, my husband actually calls him my team of spiritual advisors that I work with on a weekly bas. I have my astrologers that I consult several times throughout the year. So I feel like I've been immersed in it and I live it. But also just the timing of the world is right. So we've got the growth of online space and I would say in the last five years, things have really exploded with online education, consuming online content. And then we have the growth in the mainstream of yoga. In the last eight years, we have meditation following the heels of that. So now everyone's doing yoga. Meditation is pretty much, you know, well, you know, reasonably received and accepted. And so I feel like what's coming on the heels of meditation is really a lot of the crystals and accepting that there could be other dimensions of ourselves and more esoteric healing work that's invisible, but something we can feel and tap into. And I feel like all of this is coming because the world also needs it, right? There's a lot going on in the world right now. It's really intense. A lot of changes happening. Technology, the growth of people using and consuming online content and just that the world is ready, right?

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So what are you finding are the main blocks for number one, I want to know who your main people are that you like to help out and then what are the main blocks to them getting themselves out there and really living into their purpose.

Yes, so that's a great question. So I love working with really healers and holistic practitioners of all types. So they could be teaching people with crystals or reiki or astrology. I love astrology. So that's just a no brainer for me. Yoga teachers, I have worked with relationship transformational life coaches and, and really the biggest block is twofold. We've got the folks who've been doing healing work and life coaching for a long time and they don't know what to do with Internet revolution and they're so overwhelmed by tech, they just don't know where to start. And then we have the other groups who are a lot more comfortable with technology and yet they don't have know how in terms of what a marketing campaign is or marketing strategy. Right. And, and what it really takes to stand out in terms of engaging and just really nurturing with your community. And so we've got the two ranges of perspective and it's all around, well, how can I strip this down so I can get comfortable with technology? Because, well, we're all living in a very digital age. And then the other perspective is how can I really approach this with wisdom and maturity and really believe in growing community, bringing in the depth to something even like social.

So for people who are like, what are, what are their main blocks, the people that you're helping out?

Well, besides technology, also just receiving and understanding that you can make a lot of money teaching yoga or teaching astrology or working. There is a block, there's a block between owning your healing abilities and really making it into a prosperous business.

And Typically that's like rooted in something in their core beliefs or something in their past or something. Is that what you're saying?

You know, that's interesting that you're asking that, because I feel like, well, part of it is cultural and there's something in the paradigm of the healing business that, you know, if we just look back even 10, 15 years ago, you could have class where someone shows up, they put cash down for that class. And there's a simplicity to the industry that I think hasn't exactly caught up and hasn't evolved across more mainstream. So I think just with the healing work, what I find is that some of it is just lineage in terms of what's been known, some of it is industry, and some of it is just really being willing to take on being a marketer. And there's a lot of bias around using technology and just being a modern marketer and what that even means, needs and is that even in integrity with my type of work?

So how do you shift that? Like, what work have you done? And you've been in it for so long, so it might, you know, to you it feels like, you know, eating breakfast, like you don't question it, you're like, this is what we do. But for other people who are just getting into it, like how, how did you normalize it? Like make marketing for healing, like, how do you make it right in your brain? Like that it's important that it's not just right, but it's important for them to make money on it.

Yes. So twofold, I would say four years ago I had to do a lot more heavy lifting. So, you know, for example, we were launching a priestess mystery school and we're launching an astrology school and whatnot. And at that time, even four years ago, it felt like what we were trying to do was so big and so vast. And so it took a lot of one on one heavy lifting. And my clients joke that I'm a launch midwife but also a therapist. And so it took a lot of, okay, let's just hold this webinar and let's see what happens. Let's just do a pilot launch, skinny launch, a quick and dirty launch and see what happens. And so in the beginning was a lot of experimentation, but now, you know, 65 launches later, there's enough proof, at least in some circles, to see, oh, this is possible. And the people that they've been following for a long time, they're doing this right. So now it's getting a little bit easier. Now with my Students inside my launcher calling school. We, of course, you know, we're moving through the mindset shift of, okay, can I really take on, you know, walking through these four steps and holding my first webinar, Can I really get past being visible and still feeling safe? Right. And also, do I really have to. What level of transparency and vulnerability do I really have to expose myself on social media, on all digital channels in order for this to work? And so it's really finding the right medium. And also why I've invented the skinny launch is really to have folks take the first steps. Like, what is it going to take for you to have that first online event? And can you really get past that initiation and that birthing? And once you do, it doesn't feel so scary. Right. And so it's all around taking that first step. It sounds simple, but it's so powerful. And I see that time and time again.

Oh my God, that couldn't be more true. Like just taking, you don't get. There is no clarity without taking that first action. Like, so I always know when I'm sitting for too long or I starting to feel bad or even more confused, I'm like, okay, do something like to get some clarity. So it sounds like that's what. So Skinny Launch is based for people who are like, really, like, they don't, they've never been out there before, but they need to start taking action. They might want like some hand holding along the way.

Absolutely. Or if they just want to apply a modern marketing approach to filling their live retreats, filling their workshop. It's so distilled. It's not low tech. You can do this with minimal budgets and you follow the four steps. And I like to say that my clients who've been very successful growing to seven or multiple seven figure businesses, we all started with skinny launching and at first, 35 people and the next launch, you keep growing and it's a matter of repeatable launches that you're growing each time. And that's really the approach. It's not trying to go for that massive launch. You don't have to put all that pressure on yourself for that first time. And even with folks that I worked with who had really large audiences, sure, their first launch was a big launch, but it's bigger now, right? Yes, yes.

I think it's so important to hear that because it can be, especially in this fast growing world of connection and masterminding and all of these powerful tools that are out there, it is so easy to be like, oh, well, she had her first launch and it was huge. And compare yourself. But launches are like, oh my God, you have to just get out there and even understand them. And your feedback is going to be so different from someone else's feedback and the growth rate. Do you find sometimes people have to go backward as well?

Totally, absolutely. And there is an excitement in trying to push yourself to go so big, but absolutely, sometimes you just have to rework the offer. Now, I like to say that with my one on one clients, we've done well in terms of we're for, you know, most of the time, unless there are exceptions, we're always moving forward and we're managing the growth. So we're not trying to do this crazy 0 to 100 in the beginning. And so from that perspective, we get to manage how steadily we're growing in terms of going backwards. I do see that. And it usually comes with a pivoting, a pivot offer, a pivoting of the message, a pivoting of the brand. That's simply when I see the going backwards. Generally I find that if you're paying attention and staying attuned launch by launch, you're growing in the direction that you want.

Yes. I love that you said that. Because I've definitely had points in my life where I'm like, I can't. Even though things can be going well if it starts to. And probably with the type of people you work with, we're a little more in tune with listening to the path that we're supposed to be on. So that can require a lot of pivots. And once in a while it's hard to let go of the money that you're making on something, even if it is soul sucking. So what do you say to people who are like, wow, I'm about to make a big pivot. Do you kind of bring them back to the skinny launching or do you. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you bring them all the way back or do you just.

What do you do? That's a good question. And I've gone through this transition probably a handful of times, both in my life and then also with clients, there's usually I find an in between. So we can bring back the size of the launches that they've been doing so well on, but that's not in the future direction. And we do start birthing and skinny launching in the new direction. So you're giving up some revenue and some profit, but you don't have to go to zero on that ground either. And you start to make the bridge, right. So you start to bridge what was old to what is new and then you start to bring people over. And I'm thinking about three examples in particular where we've made the transition and for the most part it's gone really well. I guess we'd give up some revenue, but it wasn't too bad as long as you keep making the connecting points. And I guess in astrological speak, right, you're rebirthing and your Pluto is typically showing up at that time. And so if you know how to manage that, it can be a graceful process, even if it's intense.

So how would you, how do you manage that when somebody is. Because I'm guessing you're kind of training how to manage that as well. It sounds like potentially, how do you help somebody manage that transition? Of it's like an identity shift in your life and it's showing up in your business. And sometimes we can attach ourselves to the numbers of like, oh my God, maybe this identity shift isn't right because it's not paying me the same. Like, how do you work through that?

Yes. So one, it comes from the inner. And this is where I having a daily meditation practice. Having a daily practice where keeps you clear that's going to have you come back to the truth. And I have a daily practice, I've got a regular yoga practice. And that's just ultimately what you have to come back to is that clear landing. So that's one and two, once from that space. If you know that having to downsize or give up some revenue is your path, what it forces is this whole, to your point, an identity crisis. So the more willing you are to let that fall away and if you have a plan in place for that next skinny launch for the new product and if you start making that bridge where you're building up appetite and awareness for that new offer that we are now pivoting to, that's going to help because you've got something on the outer that's going to ground and that you have the inner clearing that you need to stay true to, you'll have up and down days. Remember, even when I made the transition, when I left my job, I gave up a lot of money. And for me to go from essentially zero to negative, right, Because I was launching my business, that was a big, that was a big jump. And so there are some up and down days, but ultimately it's clear and you know that's your path. And then if you have the new plan in place and you don't need A whole plan just for the next couple of months, just to keep. Just to keep moving that progress along. That's going to help.

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Okay, so I'm loving this conversation because I think it's going to give permission to a lot of people and I want to ask the question of like managing your audience. And your audience could also be like your family or your environment as you shift into a new identity in your life. And obviously you want to start implementing that new identity into your business and kind of what you're doing and pivoting your offer, what are some of the things that come with that, like managing? Basically, I guess what I'm asking is managing people not identifying with you as this new person.

Yes. That's a really deep question because for someone like myself, and this is also where I draw from the system of astrology, for myself, I tend to go inward and so I've created a space. So when I left I had to essentially temporarily break away from the communities that I was a part of just so I could go inward and reset myself. And to some degree, I had to let go of lesser contact with my parents as well, because I frankly couldn't handle, you know, any feeling of sensitivity and questions because I was going through a rebirth process. And I think that the willingness, in my experience and just from what I witnessed to let go of some of your old relationships in that transition is really important, so. Because if you're being surrounded by an external world where they're seeing you in a particular way, it's hard to recreate that new world and that new being.

Oh, my gosh. That was so articulate. Like, that was. Yeah, that was really beautiful. Because every time I've had to go through, like, a change, I kind of, like, feel like you're going inward, like you are in the cocoon. And if the cocoon gets disrupted, like, you could disrupt whatever new wings you're trying to grow. And it is a super sensitive time, and honoring it is so important. Do you have anything that you do to kind of honor that? I know you said you go inward, but is there any pulling in grace or prayer or what do you. What do you do with that?

Well, in addition to the meditation practice and letting my husband know where I'm at, because I, you know, I found that I've had to be really clear with him and let him know how sensitive of a space that I am because he's someone that's getting married to this change. Right. So I can't withdraw from him like I have, you know, like I have done with other folks as an example. So that's one and two, believe it or not, it doesn't sound fun, but I've had to bump up my therapy sessions and really do very, very deep shadow work, very deep work on what's honest and what's true for me. My therapist has seen me through many transformations and many reinventions over time, and to also to not be afraid to bring in new teachers. I went through a period when I was a mom where I had to let go of teachers I've been working with for a long time to have space to bring new ones in as well.

So clearly, I'm just on a therapy session with you right now, but I think that this is such an important thing to hear, because if you're doing it right, you are probably undergoing a lot of different identity shifts through your life. And I don't think that people ever talk about them because I think that from the past. And let me know if you've had a similar story or I know this isn't everyone's story, but is that a solid person is someone who is like really consistent or sticks with something or that you, you will know is always going to show up in a certain way. And that's like someone that has character and that's somebody who you can count on. And I think that if we're really kind of following our path, that won't be true. Like, you can still count on them, but it might be in many different. Like, you know, maybe you're not consistent, maybe you don't. You can't be that person for everyone. So like detaching from being everything to everyone, you know, or being something for everyone.

So true. And I could not agree more. I believe that if you're really living out your life's purpose and path, I mean, you're just always evolving. And so the person you are now, if you're willing to go all the way, could be completely different from three years ago. And it's hard for community and sometimes with lifelong friendships and there are some friends that will evolve with you and stick along with you. But I believe in the path of ongoing involvement and that identity on the outside could look drastically different. Exactly as you're saying.

I just think it's so powerful to hear it from women who are really out there and doing a lot of work, especially in this field of business. So I have a question for you that I'm super curious about. So you work with a lot of more like, for lack of a better term, like more life coaching, not like business, like they're selling business coaching. Correct. Okay, so there's kind of this idea out there and it's, you know, some people, for some people, they hear it more than others, but it is that you're not going to be able to make as much money in launches or as much money in general if you are doing life coaching versus business coaching. Because business, they can, you know, they're thinking that they're going to make their money back, technically. How do you feel about that? Have you heard that? What do you think?

I've definitely heard that many, many times and I agree with it. Maybe 70, 80% on one hand. It's true that it's easier for someone to calculate the ROI of investing 15,000 and calculating that return back. On the other hand, I think that the personal transformation, the healing space is growing and I think that over time it will catch up. Because one of the hardest exercises to do is to really be able to translate how all that inner work is now going to be outer change for you. For you to leave that relationship for you to get that next promotion. So yes, on one hand it's not as straightforward. It's harder for you to calculate the roi. Me and my top clients do very, very well. Could they do better? If they were business coaching, perhaps, but it wouldn't be their soul's calling. It's almost like it's not really a choice. So now if my soul's calling is to teach crystals or to work with people in yoga, then how do I really optim and make this so fruitful and enriching for both my people and myself? So I feel like when it's not really an option. And two, I mean, I know the size of my client launches and they do very, very well.

Just for example, do you mind sharing like you do seven figure launches, right? Or you have before I have clients.

Who have multiple seven figure businesses, which is huge.

So you guys, if you, if that was, if that was a story you were telling yourself, you can just toss that out the window because it can happen.

And I have, you know, I have many, I have many, maybe I shouldn't say many, but there are enough proof of launches in the mid to high six figure ranges, you know, within the healing spaces that I feel like now it's, you know, it's a reality. Hitting the six figure mark isn't, it's not really too difficult in my opinion. Hitting 100, 200,000, that's doable with the right efforts and then the mid to high is done.

I think it's important, I want to add in here just because we're talking numbers. I think it's important for people to know. Obviously when you're doing launches, there's typically a very large investment in order to advertise or in order to really learn or in order to Maybe pay your JVs or different things like that. And that's people who are helping you with sharing your launch. But I just want to throw that in because I used to think before all of this stuff I was like, oh, they're just making that much money. I wasn't thinking like, oh, this was a huge investment in Facebook ads or having somebody to help them out. But the power of having somebody help you out is immense. What have you found when people come to you, because I'm sure they've been doing their own launches for a while is one of the biggest things that you kind of clear up for them or save money for them on or amplify.

So I would say the biggest thing is keeping them on track and focus on the two to three pillars of the launch strategy, because this is a big shadow side of online, is that you see what everyone else is doing. You get that email, you see that interview, they're touting some new ad strategy. And then you end up wanting to do 10 different things for them. Not even fruitful. Focus on two to three things. It's expand those two to three strategies and add in the next one. But I swear, you do not have to add in one more segmentation, one more email. Now bump this up, bump that up and make all these changes. It just drives everyone crazy. And then you can't focus on your core message. You can't focus on tuning in to what people are asking and wanting.

I can't tell you how many times I've done that to my team. It's awful. It's awful.

Very hard to avoid. And just having that second person mirror to you and say, no, you really don't have to do that. I find myself saying no more than yes many, many times to my clients. Just because you want to do everything and it's not worth the roi.

Exactly. And it's why I think you need help during. It's why the idea maker and why the coach or the forefront person needs to make sure if they do not think linear or strategically for the most part. Like, you have got to get somebody to keep you grounded or it's gonna be this. You're gonna be. Nothing's gonna land for your people. They're gonna feel all over the place just like you do. Like, if you feel all over the place during launch, your people do too. That's what I try to remember. Cause I'm like, oh, this isn't good. Like somebody get me back on track. So I think it's also just hyper awareness like that. And I love that you are that voice for so many people to be like, reel it back in, sister. Like, we're working. We're right here right now. But I want to also talk about life during what you're doing right now for maybe people who don't have an online business, but they want to any form of business that they have. How do you manage everything? Because this is a lot and you work under stakes that are like this. These are people's businesses. Launches can be really intense. Like, how do you manage everything with your family and your life?

Such a good question. And I am still discovering and uncovering the answer every day.

I hear you.

I go back to my daily practices that keep me strong and clear. My husband and I have to sing. Constant and open communication. I mean, we. We just really have to keep an open dialogue. I've got no. I invest a lot in my career. He has a big career. And then we're parents to a toddler who is super high energy and will not stop jumping and running around. I spend my off hours chasing this kid around. And then it's like, wow. For me, it's about coming back to what I want. And I remember having this reflection and this inquiry many years ago, before I chose to be a mom. And ultimately what I want is to be a whole integrated being that's really just living my full life. And so I enjoy my lifestyle. I also want to be a really conscious mom and a conscious parent. I also want to be a juicy mom and a really awake wife for Seth. And so I have to ultimately come back to this is what I want. And I want a thriving business. And it sounds like I want so much. And at the same time, I feel like these are all true parts of myself and the process of just uncovering who I am and where I want to be. And so every day I have to weigh myself against, well, how much time did I spend working? How much time did I spend connecting with Seth? How much time did I spend being a mom? And do my best to weigh it so that it feels reasonably balanced every day? And then we've community and we've got friends and play dates, and so an ongoing juggle. I don't know if I have just one straight answer, but I know that when I come back to the deepest one, which is a whole integrated woman, that's what keeps me on track.

So how do you set up your days to do that? When you're looking at your life as all of the things that you just said that you want, which, by the way, I want all of those things too. I think it's so great to hear you say that. Do you set it up in terms of weeks? Like, do you plan in. Do you set it up in terms of months? Like, how much wiggle room do you leave in there? How do you set up your life?

Yes. So there's lots of structure and they may feel overly disciplined. So Generally I'll have 30% of unstructured, where I have to put in blocks of time, where I get to have creativity and just have the space to be. But the discipline comes in the morning. I have to get up at a certain time for my meditation. Jacob wakes up at a certain time. Then we have to get him ready for school. Then I've also had a structure in very clear working periods. So no matter what mood I'm in, unless I'm sick, this is a time I need to look at this launch copy beyond these client meetings. And so that part is really structured. Sex also has to get scheduled. I know that sounds unsexy, but it's. It does. And my husband and I just have to come to that with a two year old boy. That's what it really comes out to be. We have scheduled and look at our year in terms of our getaways and our weekend times together and weekend retreats. And so that's also in the game plan. The number of business trips each one of us is committing to for the year is also reasonably committed to ahead of time. So it sounds a little bit like we don't have as much freedom. And at the same time, all that structure gives us the freedom to enjoy what we want and to be able to be ourselves with each other.

I think it's so important because once you know, things are set and you don't want, or I mean, even as far as like travel time, vacation time, like once you know what you want to do or how many you want to do or how much you want to be home, it can start to tell you what you say no to. Like, okay, everything outside of this is a no. Like, it's just clear. So it's been really powerful for me as well to have a schedule like that. Otherwise it just fills in and fills in and fills in and then you don't have any of that wiggle room and then you're a psychopath.

So weird to schedule in the fun time or to schedule in the sex time. But if you want to make sure that it's a priority and you're giving it attention, it just has to get into the calendar.

It does, it does. Otherwise other things will. Other things will creep in there for sure.

That's right.

Always. So what is something that you feel like you are really like, what's a topic for you right now that's just important in your life or that you keep coming back to or something that's just coming up for you a lot right now?

You know, there's a couple of themes and one of them is exactly what we talked around, around juggling life and just finding that wholeness, but also just being clear that when I'm setting my business goals. So right now we're in January, everyone's looking at their full year. We're looking at what we did last year and what we wanted to do year. And I do really want to grow. And it's always about checking in with myself. Am I really growing? Because do I want this number because I'm coming from this egoic identity place, or do I just really want this number because it's a joyful challenge for me to strive and hit? And that's really what I'm looking at. And actually my husband is sitting down with me to work through my strategic plan for the year. And ultimately it's coming back to that. Do I want to really go for this number and still feel that I'm giving the same amount to my marriage, or is it just so lopsided that it's not that it's probably there is some fear or some proving to myself that's built in there. And so this is my current inquiry. As we're working through planning. I'm talking to my therapist about it. I'm doing prayer around it, and it sounds like I'm creating all the stuff around it. I just want to be clear. Petting it.

Oh, I think that's so important. And I don't think we do it enough. Or maybe I'm speaking for myself because I know I don't do it enough. Especially as someone who's like, old identity, really attached to goals, like accomplishing goals and staying busy in that. And right now what I'm doing is really questioning everything, like, why do I want that? What's the feeling behind that? A lot of times the feeling can be achieved in a different way. It's very interesting.

I love that you're looking at that for yourself.

Oh, my God. I have to. At least this year. I didn't before. I kind of didn't have to. I knew what I was doing. But I just. I think that we can always end up in different places in our life. Like, once you achieve that number, like. Okay, so this is a question for you. So once you achieve that number, like, what is. What's there for you? What's waiting?

Oh, my goodness. I. Oh, boy. It's funny because every time I hit the number that I thought was going to be the most magical number, and this is probably why I'm in such deep inquiry. It's not actually as exciting as you think.

Yeah.

Now what? Now it's either a different number. I don't know. Go. It's just really bizarre. And so, yeah, it's funny. I don't know, because in the past when I've hit my numbers, it wasn't as. It's not as dramatic as you would expect. And then it's about, okay, well, then what do we want to do next? Or, like, what do we want to create next? And that's kind of where I'm at. It's okay. So with this number, what am I really creating from this, and do I really care about it, or is it just really a fun challenge for me to push myself? My husband and I are in a conversation around that. We were talking about a second home in wine country. Do we really want that? How does that feel?

Yeah, like, is that the vision for your life? I totally get it. And I think that's important, too, is what I'm hearing, though, is especially once you get to a certain point in your career, like, right. These aren't some of the questions you even need to ask in certain points. Like, some people are in hustle mode. You just got to stay there. You got to make money, and you got to figure out what you're going to do with your life. And maybe you need to pay off a bunch of stuff, or maybe you need to put money away. But once you get to a certain point where you know that you're capable of making money and it's not going to go away because you're the creator of it, then you can start creating what you enjoy. And I think a number is really important to attach it to. And I also think that achievers need a number that will stretch them or people who are really into growth. So there's always that.

Yeah. So true. And I'm so happy that you're saying that, because it's reminding me of why I like to pick a bigger number. Because you're right, I do like growth, and it does push me. And I'm so happy that you're giving me permission to just do that.

See, sometimes we need that, too, because sometimes I feel like, whoa, why did I pick that number? Is that like a really. Why do I need that? And then I'm like, I need that because I need to become the person who can do that. What other things is she capable of doing? What has she had to heal? What had to get right with her to make that number possible and become the container who can hold that number and let it be okay? And what's coming up around that number? And it's really interesting.

I love that I am going to get this part transcribed on my wall. I'm not kidding. Because when I pick the big number, it's like, that's really ultimately a lot of what it comes down to. And I just love how you Said it. That's it.

And I think it's important for us, especially just as women to other women, to give permission because this is where we can have the hang ups. And then there are times in my life when I need another woman to look at me and be like, you are burning out. Like, you're not having any fun and yet you're still going for this thing. Like, is it worth it? So those are all. You also have to have that list of questions up there too. So those are equally like, you know, and there's points in your life when you're ready to run through a wall and like, if someone tries to stop me, I'm like, get away from me.

No, I can totally see that.

This is my season. I am like, this is making me happ. So if you could give, what is the permission that you need to give yourself? And obviously by giving permission to yourself, you give it to other women. So what permission do you need right now in your life?

For me, it's the permission to continue to step into my power year after year and to not judge myself or to question myself too deeply from a more negative perspective that, oh, wow, this is what I want. This is what I want and I don't have to justify it, I don't have to explain it. And it doesn't have to be unmasculine. It can be really beautiful goal and it can be a really nice thing to have big goal and have big numbers and not feel intimidated by it or that I'm going to intimidate my husband. Right. And it's just all these things that come up in our internal world, but just to give myself the permission to have it and to want the big numbers and the want to reach millions of people, that's actually the number I have on my board for future is just to have to reach millions and millions of people. And that's what I want.

I love that. I love that. So what's one thing that you are letting go of this year?

I'm letting go of myself being too serious. I love that.

Because you've been laughing like a lot on this podcast.

Well, part of it is you. And I do love to laugh and I get really serious and, and I can just get so regimented with how I go about things. Just giving myself permission to have fun and yes, to stay on track with the metrics and numbers, but also that it doesn't have to be so strict and so tight.

So what does fun look like then? So what does that look like? How are you going to add in not being so serious and adding action fun into your life.

What are those? Well, one, when I go on my webinars, I promised myself I was going to have more fun. So whether I'm playing a fun song ahead of time, I'm going to have fun just really connecting heart to heart with the people in the webinar, no matter how much pressure I put on myself to deliver and to fulfill. And I've actually joined a couple of new organizations and new communities this year because I want to connect and expand my world and I think that's going to be fun for me. I. I really love to meet new people and it's easy to just be in your daily grind and forget to meet new people. And so that's a really nice thing we have. And the third piece is I told my husband I want a big trip this year. So we'll see where that is definitely on the agenda. Last year just got too crazy, but this year it's happening.

Oh, do you know where you want to go?

I'm not sure. Usually we'll do a European trip. We just skipped last year. And to do more like weekend wine country getaways.

Yeah.

But probably a bigger trip in Europe and then more wine country getaways, which is also what brought up the whole second home thing.

Yeah, totally. So you should go to Greece, you should go to Mykonos, and you should dance on tables at. I'll tell you where to go.

That sounds awesome.

The best part is you can dance on tables at like 9pm so it's my kind of party. I'm like, okay, great. 9:30, let's go home.

I love it. I love that.

And throw some plates. It's going to be awesome.

What about you? I'm curious to hear in terms of more fun and more joy for you this year. More fun.

I was just talking about this today and I love that you said you have conversations with your husband to kind of say what season you're in or what you need or whatever. And I was talking to him this morning and I'm like, here's where I'm at. I don't have necessarily need fixes, but I need to process out loud. So I'm probably going to be processing a lot. Like, I literally. I love that you talk about how important it is to have an open dialogue. I'm always saying where I'm at so that he knows it's not him or that I need to process in this way. So that's been really powerful to have Someone like that. But women who, you know, who don't have partners or whatnot, you can also do that, I think, with like, friends or family and be like, hey, I just need to process for a bit. So for me, fun looks like I gotta do something creative outside of work. Like, I have to. I'm such a creator. Like, my happy place is creating. Whether that's dancing or writing or, you know, I don't know if it's gonna be pottery or learning a language. It's gotta be like, creative and learning that. That's what lights me up the most. So I'm actually in the process right now of figuring that out. But I need to do it sooner than later because I've been sitting in this, like, kind of like whining complainy. I need to do this.

And it's.

I'm annoying myself at this point. So I'm just gonna, you know what, take my own advice and take action and figure it out. And if I don't like it, I can always try another class. Right? So that's where I'm at.

Oh, I love that. I'm gonna borrow that idea too.

Yeah, Classes are something like, I need to get into some community around creativity. So there we go. So in closing, because I could talk to you all day about life and balance and family and business and, oh my God, like all of the things. What is one last thing that you would love to share? Whether it's about life or business or.

Both, I would say that it's really not being afraid to be yourself. And it shows up in business, it shows up in life. But I get people asking me all day, well, is this a good best practice? Should I make this red? Should I change my opt in email message? Because it's not working with the rules. And the truth is, I. Because outside of 2% of must haves, everything else is really you. My most common feedback is if you want to price it at 1008, who cares that that's not 997 or 995, it's you. If there is a good enough reason for that and if that's who you are, to just really not be afraid of being yourself, both in business, both in life, and to really stand up and to really show up for that.

That is so powerful. I wish I would have heard that like five years ago, but I'm hearing it now. And it's the truth. It's like so deeply the truth. So I'm so grateful for you and I want to make sure that everybody can find you and follow you. And especially you guys, if you are like, you have that message that you want to get out and you're really, like, unclear exactly how to do that, I would highly recommend at least going out and checking out her program because they are so helpful. So where can we find you, follow you and learn about your programs?

Yes. So Des Berman on Instagram. That's a really great place to connect or even just DM me and then destinyberman.com, you'll be able to get connected with me on there. You'll have my information, and I look forward to meeting some of you. Yes.

Hopefully all of you. I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

Sure.

Okay, so you are like 30 seconds in passing with a stranger, whether it's on the street or in an elevator, but it's literally just 30 seconds and they look at you and ask you, how do I make myself happy? What do you say?

To be comfortable in your own skin. I guess that's really the same message. But to be at ease, let me just rephrase that a little bit to be at ease with where you are right now.

Oh, man, that's so good. Thank you so much. And you guys, if you loved this episode as much as I did, make sure you share it or text it right now with a friend or somebody that needs it. It's a beautiful way to gift all of this information to somebody. So until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much, much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.