344: How Can I Work Through Resentment?

It's really like at the end of the day, how you feel about yourself. So I think the small step you could take is changing what you're thinking in your head.

Like, right, Start shifting those thoughts.

Totally, always, every day. Because it'll change everything. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Well, hello, Evans.

Hi, Lori.

Welcome back to another episode of Questionably awesome, where everything's awesome and it's not even a question, it's an answer. It really is. And we are coming to you live. Actually, we're kind of not live.

Oh, yeah, we're not.

We're live right now. We're definitely alive. And we're live together.

We're alive in our lives.

Yeah. So what I'm wondering is when they say live, like, oh, this isn't live. Technically, it was film live, but it's.

Not live right now.

No. And it's not even live when it is live on television. Cause there's like a two minute delay to cut out F bombs.

That's true. But there are gonna be no F bombs in the next 30 seconds.

Not in the next 30 seconds.

Beep.

Oh, man. Do you know what I forgot to bring?

What?

When we were at the Bliss Project, we both got a gift that I did not share with you. What? Yeah. Do you know what it is? It is a button. You know, like the easy button. It's in my room right now and I'll get it for the next episode, so you have to remind me. What were we talking about? Where we need a button. Oh, for your wedding.

Yes, for. Wait, what was I going to say when I hit the button?

I was like, you're lucky you're even invited.

Boop boop. Next. Next.

By the way, to all of her family members, that episode was fully me, not her.

You're all invited.

You're all invited. Maybe you're all invited. Maybe. We'll see.

Find out.

We'll see. Yeah, it's Like Santa's list. Yep.

Angie's list.

Evan's list. Angie's List. Okay. So what's been going on in your life, in your lifestyle?

My lifestyle feels busy, and I'm really into naps on the weekends.

I'd say, ooh, like a cat nap.

A little cat.

Do you have a cat costume?

I put on my cat costume.

Adam, lookit. I put this costume on for you so I could nap.

So I could nap, and I curl up. What are you into? What are you into, Lori?

Oh, my God. So I'm into reading books about Leonardo da Vinci right now. I know. I'm a smart person.

You're a smart person.

Well, I always knew that. But, I mean, this is extra smart.

Yeah. So this is really up there on the smart side.

Oh, my. Like, way up. So we went. Went to Boston for that mastermind. So we are in this mastermind, where it's like, it's called work hard, play hard. And you are not working that hard there. For me, technically it is because it's socializing. That's hard work for me, but it's always beneficial. Yes, But I'm always like, oh, my God, I have to socialize again. Fantastic. So it's also where you. That he plans in, like, a bunch of stuff that you wouldn't typically do. So for us, it was just a lot of, like, we went to the Boston stadium, and we were in the batting cages.

So cool.

Oh, my God. It was so fun. We went and learned about art in a really cool, unique way. So we went to this museum, and we had all these question prompts, like, that were really fun that we partnered up on. It was like, find a piece of art that describes what your future is going to look like and tell why. Tell the group why. So, like, these were all prompts like this over and over. It was really cool. Or it was like, find somebody that you think you'd want to. A portrait of someone you think you would have wanted to interview. And why, like, what would you have asked them? I know. What a fun way to do the museum.

I love that idea.

Museum fun. Music fun.

Music fun.

So now we can be like, you want to have some music fun and.

Go to hit up the lacma.

The lacma. In that way, there's nothing lacking at the lacma.

Lacma.

All right. The LACMA is a museum here.

Yes.

Yes.

So that was this weekend. Lots of fun.

That inspired you to read more about.

Oh, yeah. Back to that. Yeah. And so. Oh, a man came in at dinner time, and he's dedicated his life to telling Leonardo da Vinci's story. And he has written a book on, like, the seven. Seven things that Leonardo, like, lived by, basically. But I got a different book, the newest Leonardo book that's out, and he is so interesting. We could dedicate a whole podcast to him, but we'll do it another time.

Well, maybe I'll order that book on Amazon.

You will love it.

Go to my local bookstore.

It's overwhelmingly awesome. Wow. I know.

I don't know much about him except that he's amazing. He.

He was literally everything, like, a Renaissance man. Like, literally did everything from being an athlete to being, like, brilliant to drawing, like, some of the first drawings of, like, human anatomy. Yeah. Really crazy. Like, figuring out, like, his journals would have crazy questions or crazy prompts like, wow, like, okay, every Saturday, make sure you go to the baths and watch the men bathing. Because, number one, he either studied the body, but he was also gay. So, like, they talk a lot about how he has such unique, like, interesting prompts. Like, he's been criticized for being crazy, but as you read it, he's, like, not crazy at all. And they were like, why would he need a reminder to go look at naked bodies every Saturday?

Right?

Like, I don't need that reminder. Like, if the baths are over there, like, I'm there, you know, every day. Yeah. Like, baths on Euclid. That's. Yeah. You know, that's a great place to.

Go on Saturday mornings. It.

It is. So if you need a prompt, like, you need a prompt, you gotta go anyway. Really random. But that's where I'm at right now, so I'll be sharing more of that. Oh, and, like, the woodpecker's tongue. Like, he randomly wrote a question, like, find out how the woodpecker's tongue works. And if you don't know the story. Do you know how a woodpecker's tongue works?

No.

This is so interesting. Oh, my God. Okay, so a woodpecker has a super long tongue. That what it does is as. It's. Because it's pecking and it needs to go in and get the bugs. Number one, it has to be really long. But what it does is he's like, where does the tongue go? Because I'm sure he saw the tongue or something. The tongue wraps up around the brain and coils around, like, four or five times to pad it as it pecks so that the brain does not get damaged. So when you look at it and you open it up, the tongue is all coiled around, like, four or Five times in the woodpecker's head. And then once the hole is pecked, it goes all the way out and then juts back in and curls around the brain.

Are you kidding me?

No.

That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

I know. And who would be like, find out how the woodpecker's tongue is.

Ah, yes, the woodpecker's tongue. I mean, that's fascinating.

I know. So interesting.

I never knew. I mean, I always knew woodpeckers were cool, but I had. It's crazy what Mother Nature does.

Get ready for a wild ride.

Buckle up.

It's toad's wild ride on this bus. It is. All right, do tell. What have you been up to this week?

This week is great, because one of my friends is here.

Oh, my God. Fun.

So fun. Well, she's on a business trip, but is it fun?

Franny?

It's fun. Franny is here. But it's nice just to, you know, have old friends and you can just pick up where you left off and it's easy.

It reminds you of, like, who you are.

Yes.

And it feels so good to, like, feel ease around someone and you're, like, so nice. Why can't I feel this way around everyone all the time?

Oh, because it's hard making friends.

It is hard to know that you didn't write a book about it. I got a feeling. I've got a hunch.

It's hard.

It is. What do you say if you want to make a friend here, would you like to go have coffee sometime? That's pretty much what I say, too. I literally just did that yesterday.

You did? What did they say? Yeah, they said yes.

I know. We'll see how it goes from there.

I'm excited.

Yeah. I'm going to, like, pull out all the weird cards.

You don't want to commit to a dinner or lunch date on the first one because it's like, whoa, what if it goes wrong?

Coffee's safe. That's too long. That could be like. What if you go with someone who wants a drink? First appetizers and then dessert.

Whoa. Which all sound delicious, but you don't know.

It's so weird. It wouldn't be delicious at all. If you're in bad company, though. You would just. You could literally get the best food in the world. And the waiter could be like, by the way, this is all calorie free. And you'd be like, give me the.

F out of here. This is so uncomfortable.

I don't care if this Calorie free pizza. Send it home, put it in the box. Do you have a quote?

I do. It says, happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like. I like that one.

I like that, too.

It's by. I don't know who. It doesn't have a name.

That felt like going to the bathroom in a warm pool.

Ah, yes.

Release. I'm not getting out to go to the bathroom, by the way. I would never do that if you were swimming with me. Unless we had a lot of wine, then maybe. I'm not gonna lie. I'd be like, there's chlorine in here. Don't stress.

Don't stress. Just swim away.

There's so many chemicals. My urine is probably cleaner than the pool. Or better for you.

Did you ever get worried that when you peed in the pool, the red dye would come out?

Oh, yeah. Who told us that? Was that our parents? I heard purple dye. So I was ready to be like, a squid up in here.

And sometimes you can't help it.

I'm making black ink pasta.

Pasta.

Have you had that, by the way?

No, it sounds good.

Oh, man. It's like super black pasta that they use the ink in the squid to color it with. Oh, wow. For real? But it's usually, like, really amazing handmade pasta. That is like the perfect al dente noodle. Wow. I know. All right, Quote, let's see. There's a couple on here. Okay. This is Wayne Dyer. And it says, well, there were so many good ones. Let's just say I will attract into my life what I am, not what I want.

That's so true.

Oh, man. Is that true? I think of all the. And don't freak out, because there are days, like, you get a free pass. Like, there are days that you can definitely, like, be a big bee and you might only attract honeybees. That's fine, because you still.

It's.

It's like what you're thinking most of the time. Because some people, when they start, like, the whole, like, positive mindset and everything, they're like, oh, my God. Yesterday I was thinking about fill in the blank.

Yeah.

And they're like, does that mean I'm going to get fill in the blank? And I'm like, no, no, let me show you the science. I can't.

Yeah, you're not looking at. You're not thinking bad thoughts all the time.

No, no, no, you're not. All right. Do we have a whatchamacallit?

Yeah, it's really nice.

Oh, I like nice ones.

It's from so Sweet Shop.

Oh, she run a candy store.

I hope so.

Me too.

She said. I just wanted to say that episode 338 absolutely cracked me up. This is my favorite podcast. Every single awesome episode. Thank you, Lori and Evans. I just really like that because she shouted out a specific episode.

Oh, I really like that too. 338, I believe that was the one that we thought we bombed.

Really?

Was it?

Was that last week's?

I think so. I think I'm pretty sure.

Oh, man. Thank God someone said something.

I know. I was like, I'm telling you right.

When you think awful after that.

Oh, yeah.

I did Lori the worst. I did a bad job.

Oh. I was like, I let e crad down. I down. I am not going to recover from that. Like, it was. I had to go have a cookie.

Yeah, I had 10 cookies.

Oh, boy. Well, I spread mine out. Speaking of, I had a whole chocolate bar last night and a peanut butter cup and some ice cream.

That sounds really delicious.

I was having a rough night.

Do you feel better now?

Oh, yeah. Way better. Sometimes you just gotta be like, I don't care. Yeah, this is making me happy.

Yeah, sometimes you need a little sweet treat.

It's all good. It wasn't even like a bad day. It was an emotional day.

Yes.

So. And sometimes you just gotta honor that. Yeah. Because it's called balance. And you know what's funny? I wrote a quote down of my own.

What?

I just. This is sounds so ridiculous now that I'm saying it out loud. You know those sentences that you're like, retract, retract. Felt like the woodpecker's tongue. It was like all the way out. Like, look at me. And then I was like, and now it's cool. Had the brain.

You wrote a quote.

You find. You find your balance in the extremes.

That's so true.

That's a good quote. Always find that. That I have to, like, find my edges and push beyond what I think is okay or possible. And then I'm like, wait, okay. Figured that out. That's gone too far. It's like when the pendulum swings so far both ways and eventually it will land in the middle.

That's right. You can always get back to that center.

Do you say pendulum or pendulum?

I say pendulum. I think pendulum. Pendulum.

I definitely don't say pendulum.

I don't say pendulum either.

A lot of people do say pendulum. And I think we need to find them and put them in a room.

You know what else is Interesting. For a long time. You know the word pamphlets?

Yeah, pamphlets.

Pamphlets.

Along a lot of my life I.

Thought it was pamphlets.

Do you have any pamphlets?

Excuse me, where are your pamphlets located?

They're like the IHOP is down the road. That is a breakfast food, I think. Do you have. Could I have pamphlets and syrup? Could I have a big stack of pamphlets and syrup please? I prefer butter.

Excuse me, where are your pamphlets?

Do you use Bisquick in these pamphlets, ma'? Am? It's pamphlets.

Get out, man.

Ph usually is an F. Nope.

I was like pamp.

Pamphlets. It's very. Do you know what? I like it. It's very southern. You're like pamphlets and biscuits. I. You need to make a recipe that's pamphlets. Do we have a QQ?

Oh yeah.

It's really good.

It's from Ala Carpinko 1 Alla Carp & Co. 1. Her question is, is having a college degree necessary to be.

Successful? It defines success because I don't have one. Amen. Do you have.

One? Oh wait, I do have a college degree. Yeah, I.

Do. That's.

Awesome.

Yeah. Like I should probably know this because I hired you. I don't know. Do you have.

One? Got one of.

Those. Clearly it doesn't matter to.

Me.

Matter. No, I actually do not think it matters at all. Now does it matter for your personality type and like what your like life experiences? I think some people do require like that type of experience. But to be honest with you, I do believe that any. Now parents block your kids ears. Yep. And parents who feel the opposite block your own ears. Yeah. Skip. Just skip this part. But I can't. If I would have gone to school for anything, I don't even know what I would have gone to school.

For because so hard to figure out when you're that.

Young. Especially for what I'm doing now. Maybe business school. But.

Like.

Right. I'm just. You're figuring it out. There's no school that actually teaches exactly what this is. Except I will say that I learned consistency growing up and hard work. And that's all is required for this position that I.

Hold. So consistency and hard.

Work. Do I think so? Absolutely not. But man, you got to. But I'm telling you especially if you're going to be an entrepreneur or your own boss, obviously if you want to get in somewhere that requires one. Yeah. You absolutely need.

One.

Right? For sure.

Yeah. But you're going to be an.

Accountant. You should probably absolutely, absolutely learn long division. Yeah, I mean learn.

It. Get in.

There. Yeah. I only know how to Draw that, like mark above. Oh, yeah, that little line. Yeah, that, that says, it recommends, like, this is how you. Where long division will happen. I'm like, I'm like, that's a recommendation that I'm passing.

Up. That's a recommendation that I'm going to pass to you on this.

Pamphlet. You know why? Because I just write iPhone above those problems. I got one. All right, so before people tune out and realize they're listening to me, let's ask the next question. How do you feel about that? Do you feel like you need a college.

Education? I think it depends. I have family members who have them and family members who don't, and they're equally. I mean, it just depends on what you want to do. Maybe if you don't know, college is a great way to learn about things and get that degree under your.

Belt. But it's exactly what you said. You literally said it perfectly. It depends on what you want to do. Right? Because if I want to go and work for someone else at some big corporation, guess what's not happening for me? Probably that unless you can bring some crazy life experience there. And usually they don't want to hire entrepreneurs.

Anyway. So.

Sorry. They're like, you have trouble working for someone? Not going to.

Happen. Out of.

Here. Yeah, you're out of.

Here. It's a corporation in Boston again, because it's the only accent corporation. I don't know.

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It. Okay, thank.

You. This is from JoJo Knox.

2323. What is she knocking.

On? She's knocking on your door to ask what is one step you can take each day to make a difference in your.

Future? Oh, I would say two steps forward, one step back. Is that Paul Abdul? Yeah. Oh, I like that we come together. Cause opposites are tracking, you know? Do you remember with the.

Cat? I don't remember that.

Video. All right, you gotta watch it. I think we made that. I don't think there was enough. The cat growls. Oh, look at the cat's growling. Did your cat growl? Yeah. I would love if cats.

Growled. That would be.

Cool. They kind of do. Once waffles went by a cat and the cat went. And I was like, that is a cue. And waffles didn't leave. And I was like, that's a cue that. That cat's gonna kill you. So I Was like, it was a tiger. All right. Mini T. I was like, that's a mini.

Tiger.

Yeah. Okay, so back to this question. This question. What's one step you can.

Take?

Yes. It depends where you're at, and it depends what it is, because I think that every. When you want to move forward, progress is so freaking small. It's like. It's like when we're at Bliss, and we're like, hey, where were you last year at Bliss? And people are like, I didn't feel like I made progress until I actually sat down right now and looked at where I was last.

Year.

Yeah. Because it's done in such small increments in tiny little things that it's like, you're not going to feel like you're making progress. So, so many people don't even try because they're like, this isn't going to make.

Progress.

Right. When really, like, switching from, here's one tiny step you can take. And then let's talk about, like, a bigger, measurable.

Step.

Okay. Tiny step you can take if you want a healthier life, like, stop putting creamer in your coffee and maybe try almond milk. I mean, it's that tiny. It is that tiny that you're like, I'm just gonna master not having this, you know, chunk of creamer anymore, and I'm gonna cut out the inflammation of dairy, and I'm gonna move into almond.

Milk. Yeah. And almond milk is.

Delicious.

Delicious. Lots of different.

Kinds. So many.

Almonds. A lot of.

Different. Lots of flavors. It's like, where'd this almond come from? Tell me the.

Variety. And then a year later, you're like, wow, I feel a lot better. And my skin looks.

Great. Totally. And if you can't have almond milk, there's lots of nut.

Milk. Yeah. Oat.

Milk. Oat milk. If you haven't. I think that's a California thing in a New York.

Thing. I think it is, too. Yeah. And I heard someone ask for oat milk, and they got really disappointed when they didn't have it the other.

Day. Oh, people are crazy about it. It's really good. They're like. Like, the guy at the register is like, I'm so sorry, we don't have oat milk today. And I'm like, I'm not really upset because I still like.

Almond.

Yeah. Okay. So what do you.

Think? Something a little step you could take is thinking like that Oprah quote, when you think about what you have, when you're grateful for the little. Even if your life is just in the hole yeah. At least you could be like, hey, I'm alive.

Today. It's true. And that's huge. Like, I. If you're asking, like, one big thing that could change your life, it's to forgive yourself faster and get back on the.

Trolley. Get back on that.

Trolley. Because if you can. If you can lessen the time in between, what you think is a failure to getting back on your life will dramatically change. But when I really learned what it meant to, like, forgive myself and give myself grace, that is when my life started to change. Because, yeah, like, hating yourself into your goal or trying to sabotage yourself, like, it was crazy. When things would go wrong in my life, I would just start to eat and I'd catch myself and I'd be like, this is not what you want. Like, go for a walk. And that was the only way to do it. And that started to dramatically change my life. Not only in how I dealt with stressful situations, but, like, how I felt for the rest of the day, how I felt about myself the next day. Because it's really, like, at the end of the day, how you feel about yourself. So I think, think the small step you could change take is changing what you're thinking in your.

Head. Like, right, Start shifting those thoughts.

Totally, always, every day, because it'll change everything. I love that. Do we have another cue? Oh.

Yeah. There's so many. Great. I love helping others. Oh, this is from Andy. Underscore Ruth. I love helping others, but when my DM and text get to be too much, I resent.

It. Advice. Okay. This is a speed round. So we both. We both have advice. Yeah. Okay. So, yes, I would say, number one, let yourself off the hook to either not answer them or give yourself a specific time. So when DMs like you. You teach people how to treat you. So Chris taught me this with texts. He's like, you know what? I only answer texts from this time to this time or after this time. So he will not. He'll. He could get a text from, like, five people freaking out about their business, and they're underneath us, like in network marketing. And he's like, I'm not answering this till after 11. They don't get to. I don't pop out of bed to answer a frantic text. Like, they. They have the answers and they can figure it.

Out.

Right? And so that's one way is like, it's not a fire just because it's there on their timing. So, yes, setting that boundary and making them learn. And then. And that is the hardest thing you'll ever do. But it's what everybody who manages their schedule and has sustainability. Because I'll tell you what's not sustainable is jumping at everybody else's schedule and timing. Oh, my God, you'll never make it. You'll never make it as an entrepreneur. An entrepreneur has to have office hours in their life no matter what. And then the other one is with DMS and stuff. Like that's your choice when you're answering that. It really is like it's up to you to either let that stress get to you or not. And people are not waiting for you to answer their inboxes. And also I like hire someone if it gets to be too much. Like, I think I'm going to have somebody go into my DM soon and just for part of them, like, and leave the ones that are questions or anything like that for me. But just go through and weed that out. Because I'm not gonna spend my life like doing something that makes me frustrated and resentful so that I don't share what is actually important to me to be doing in my life. Like, why I'm. I'm pretty sure God did not say. And I'm putting you on this planet to answer messages and be at everyone's beck and call. Yeah, that is your purpose, little lady. That's what Sears are.

Siri. Yeah, she answers.

Questions. Oh my God, she answers questions all the time. Like, even non prompted. She's like, excuse me, I didn't quite get that.

Lori.

Yeah. And I'm like, whoa, Siri, what do you need from me? What do you think? What do you.

Do? I think that it's letting go of. That I'm a huge people pleaser and just being able. Okay, Some people are probably going to be disappointed that you didn't answer their question. It's okay. They'll figure it out. Just like you said, Just letting go of. Maybe you were scared not to. To disappoint people because we want to answer.

Everybody. Guess.

What? Somebody's gonna be disappointed no matter.

What. It's all good. You should start a label called no people pleasing pants. And like put them on. But they will be called no pee pee.

Pants. How long were you thinking about.

That? Just the last 10 seconds when I glazed over, I was like, when is she gonna be done so I.

Can share people pleasing.

Pants. So no people pleasing pants. So you, when you put them on in the morning, you're like, no, I've got my no pee pee pants on. So this is not happening.

Today. That'll be a good mental.

Thing. I know. Like, put them on and be like, no pee pee.

Pants. No pee pee pants. I. I'm. I'm making these.

Jeans. You should and put it on the back. Yeah, these are my. No pee pee.

Pants. Get away from.

Me. And it'll be a good reminder.

To not pee too in your pants, because sometimes it.

Happens. Happens. I.

Do. I do.

Too. If I laugh too hard or if I go, oh, my God. Recently, I was on a trampoline and I was like, am I getting older? Because that everything they talked about happened. Some TT's just everything let go everything. Just kidding. Not everything, but a.

Lot. A lot of.

Stuff. Okay, on that note, I just want to say, if you haven't jumped on a trampoline lately, try it with a maxi pad.

On. This is brought to you by Maxi.

Pads. This. This ad is brought to you by.

Pads. Have a great.

Day. Have a great day, everyone. We love you and we miss you. Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye.