355: Get the Body and Life You Want with Susan Hyatt

Most of the women that I work with are either hesitant to put themselves online for their businesses because they're scared of trolls and haters or because they don't like the way that they look. And so it's a big part of like, hey, you get to take up as much space as you want. You get to be front and center in your life.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert, expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happy happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I am so excited you're here because today I've got a really great conversation just about how life and your goals and your happiness are really running parallel to what we're thinking and how we're taking care of ourselves and especially taking care of our physical bodies and how truly all of the things that we believe that we desire are a result. They're not the actual thing that we need to necessarily be going after and we'll really dive deeper into that. And my podcast today is with the amazing Susan Hyatt and she is a master certified life coach and weight loss expert. She's the creator of the trademarked Bear process, the Bear Deck, and a podcast called Bear and an online community called Bear Daily. With her fiery Facebook rant, Susan has gained an international following of women who love her honesty, humor and fearless. And today we really dive into her new book because it has so many great topics in it. It's a seven week transformation book where every single week you're going to be really focusing on a different topic, such as in our conversations, we really talked all about your environment and how that's such a reflection of the life that you'll be living in, the results that you're getting. We talked about adding creativity, adding pleasure into your day, how to eat with attentiveness, exercise with love, declutter your life, detox your mind and how to show up and be and what that actually means, to truly take up space and stop shrinking and stop believing the lies about needing to stay in your own lane or do what you you're good at right now, like, to get out there and truly be seen in the world and what that does for you, what it does for your eating habits, what it does for your life, and what it does for your body. So she's got an incredible book out right now. If you guys are like, I cannot get enough. Because I'm telling you, she was so fiery in this interview. I just love her energy. She's fun. She's just absolutely a beautiful human. So let's dive in.

Susan, I'm so excited for you to.

Be on the show today. How are you?

I am amazing. Thank you, Lori. I am a big fan, and I am so stoked to talk about Bear.

Okay, so we just talked about that you are holding down the Midwest for me, and I let you that I'm from the Midwest. So how's the weather?

Yes. So I'm in Southern Indiana, so it's, like, spitting like ice a little bit here where we are right now. And let me guess. You have beautiful sun where you are.

You know, it's a little cloudy, but I can't complain. Like, so we've actually had a really rainy winter, but thank God, because our summer has been, you know, without the rain. Like, it's been really scary with the fire. So I'm so grateful for the rain.

Oh, that's so awesome. And, you know, I. The joke about California is always that, you know, it's so beautiful and sunny, but make no mistake, you guys have had to deal with quite a bit.

We have, yeah.

Mudslides and the. Wow.

And to be honest, I'm still, like, I would not live anywhere else anymore. Like, you know, being from the Midwest, I'm like, no, no, it's still. It's still good.

It's still choking on smoke.

I'm like, it's still okay gu.

You're like, susan, even though my lungs are filled with smoke, it's still better than where you are.

I got you to all my Midwest friends. Just, you know, I love you, but you can come visit.

Oh.

So you have this amazing new book out that we're gonna dive into today and talk about. That just covers so much about all the things that I'm passionate about, and I know so many people on here will love to hear. But before that, just for people who don't know about your journey, I would love for you to share a little bit about yourself.

Yeah, absolutely. So I am an author and a life coach, and I have been a coach for about 12 years now and I started coaching. Prior to coaching, I was a burnout real estate agent and came to life coaching honestly. I mean, I was perusing the self help aisle and I bought a book called Finding youg Own North Star by Dr. Martha Beck, which I think is one of the best self help books ever written. And that book changed my life. And from there I ended up training with Martha Beck. And my first year as a coach, I went on my own weight loss journey and hired my own coach. And remembered thinking when I lost 35 to 40 pounds, like, if this former couch potato junk food junkie can learn how to take exceptional care of herself, anybody can. I really was on a mission to help women in that way around food and body. And what I discovered over the last really 11 years coaching women around food and body was that my. Where I really was shining was in helping women discover the deeper self love that needed to happen so that they love the skin that they're in, no matter if they were gaining or losing or aging or not. And a byproduct of that was typically that she loved and adored her body and her body was showing up at its natural weight. And so I created my own process. I started to take a look at what assignments were really giving my clients the most bang for their buck and where were they finding themselves and coming home to themselves. And so I curated a process called the Bear Process. I'm really stoked about it.

So coming I. You said so many beautiful things. Like just the, the fact that, you know, body that they love is a. It's a result, it's a byproduct of something else that they're doing in their life. And I think especially. And I'm just gonna. I'm gonna speak into it because I know that this was such a big thing when I lived in the Midwest. It's like you can actually think you. I was convinced it was my genetics and not my habits because I couldn't find people outside of my world who had different habits because so much of it was my environment and who was around me and everything that was being reflected back at me until I really started to dig even, even deeper into that. So I know that you say it, you know, it's a byproduct, but also, how do you begin to understand that when your environment is reflecting back to something completely different?

Absolutely. So that's actually one of the. The first steps of this process is something I call environmental diet or environmental detox, where I, the reader or the client to Become a reporter in their own lives and pay attention to what's coming at them through all their senses. So, right. Most women, when they come to us to talk about food or body, they want to talk about how many calories or how many macros, and then what's the workout? And there's so much that we're absorbing through all of our other senses that are affecting those things. And so it's like, hey, what kinds of peer conversations are you having? What are you listening to? What are you watching? What are you reading? What are you digesting through all your other senses? And honestly, this first part tends to lead a woman down a road of discovering where she first got the idea, either from family of origin or peer group or culture, that her body needed to be different than it was appearing anyway. But then unwinding, like, all the things that were affecting that. And there's so many tiny things that women we just put up with, we tolerate, we allow to go on that. When we start taking a look at that, I remember feeling like, wow, I've solved my exhaustion problem. Because these kinds of conversations with other people, these conversations in my mind, are really causing a weight problem.

I could. This is. I don't know if you know. You know, any of my history, but this was so my past, like, just figuring this all out. And it took. While it took me so long. It happened in little pieces like that, like, where you just kind of start looking around and having these, aha. Moments of awareness. So what happens after the awareness, though? Because sometimes you open your eyes and you're like, oh, damn. Like, like, my husband's gotta go.

That's actually the joke I make. Like, okay, when you first do this assignment, that doesn't necessarily mean your spouse or partner's got to go. But a lot of women, they're like, oh, my God, I'm in a great mood. Until he or she comes home and it's really paying attention to what are the thoughts and behaviors going on that need to be addressed rather than. And getting rid of the whole person. Although sometimes that is what has to happen. But I promise, I've saved more marriages than divorces have happened under my watch. But it's totally up to the person. But when they go through this exercise and they come back and they say, guess what? I have discovered that a major trigger for me is staff meetings, my boss, conversations happening in my office. I'm in a cubicle. I can't even close my door and get away from these people. What do I do? And so that's where a lot of the coaching can come in where it's like, hey, guess what? The question isn't like how do I put up with this? The question is how do I create an environment for myself that's supportive and get some ideas going. So I just had somebody in my membership community who is in a cubicle say, you know what I did? I invested in some AirPods and now I have these discreet little earbuds in where I can listen to meditation podcasts instead of listening to people in the neighboring cubicles complaining. And it's such a tiny thing, but it's really helping women become advocates for their own sanity rather than just living in default.

It's so good. And I want to talk more into that because I can think back to those moments of, you know, like the stressful moments or maybe you're arguing or maybe you're bored. Like there's these triggering moments that you're always like oh no, here we go. Especially it's it's funny, when I first started to spend a lot more time at home, it was like boredom would just set in or the feeling of like oh I'm not getting this done or procrastination. And it was like I would just, you know, go down that self sabotaging experience of whatever I would do, stand in front of the fridge and just start eating whatever. And it was like there are these moments that it's like this peak moment that you have this choice and it's almost like an out of body experience. Like you can almost feel yourself start to do the thing.

What?

And I know I've taught, I've talked to so many women about this where it's just like what do you do around that peak moment like the first few times? And then of course you're going to fail. So what do you do after the failures to get back to where you want to be?

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Well so I Parenting was always the thing for me where I felt like okay, I gave myself a pep talk beforehand. I anticipated my obstacle. I was presented with the triggering behavior. And I popped off instead of behaving in a way that I thought a good quote, unquote, good mom should behave. We've all been there. And I think the number one thing is compassion, absolute compassion and understanding. Like, what is it that's causing it? Is it the need to control another person? Is it the thought this should not be happening? So for me, it's helping a client and myself unwind. What is it that's so upsetting about this behavior? What is it you're telling yourself about that behavior? And then what is it that you could tell yourself that gets you right back in there so that you're, you know, showing up again and again and again and trying? So for me, it was almost always control. It was almost always arguing with reality that things shouldn't be this way. So when you mentioned, like working from home and boredom setting in and that sort of thing, for me, it was absolutely boredom. That was the number one feeling state I was trying to numb out and avoid. It was so intolerable for me. And it was again, it was like I had designed this whole career where I could pick these kids up from school and bring them home. And then here are these little, like preschooler and first grader sitting at the table with their homework and their worksheets. And I was in the kitchen eating a wheel of brie and pouring a glass of wine because I was like feeling guilty that I had designed my whole life so I could enjoy this and I did not enjoy some of motherhood. And like, what kind of mother does this? And so recognizing like, okay, boredom, the vibration feeling state of boredom is what's causing this. And the answers are not in numbing out. So where are the answers? And figuring out, coming from a more creative space, like, how can I create a mindset and an afternoon that is not just, oh, well, I have to do this.

Okay, this is. It's crazy because it's bringing us to like, your point too, because I was just going to ask about witches. Add pleasure into your day. And it's. I think that that was like my saving. Well, I don't think. I know. It was my saving grace. And it still is. Like, even as you're saying that, like, where, you know what. What's something that could help help combat this? Or what is something that would help me not be bored anymore, that would help me get in my creativity? Because I really believe that we are all creators. Yes. And that's even a question I'm asking myself now because I'll tell You like, it doesn't go away if you go back to the old, old habits, like it will, or if you go back to not supporting yourself, like, it can come back. Even if you. Even if you feel like you have it down after 20 years, if something in your environment totally shift, sometimes we can fall back on, you know, an old habit that can kind of basically a new way of numbing out. So adding pleasure into your day. I just want to know more about what that looks like to maybe some people who were in a situation or are. Are in a situation that you were where it's like, but how do I change like this day where I'm. My kids are here at this time, or I don't even know where to begin.

Yeah, absolutely. I like to say. So when I first created this bear process, it was really only six steps. Pleasure wasn't part of it. And I kept thinking, like, something's missing, something's missing, something's missing. And it was one of those things that was so obvious. It was just staring me in the face. And it was like, oh, of course it's pleasure. Because I honestly think that women, we have so much willpower, all the things we do, running companies and raising families and contributing to our communities, and we're not lacking in willpower. What we're lacking in is a devotion to pleasure. And. And when I say that to women, they immediately go to, oh, so you're talking about having more sex. It's like, well, certainly physical touch and intimacy can be part a version of pleasure, but diversifying your pleasure, whether it's intellectual stimulation, comfort, beauty, you know it. For me, when my. The primary feeling state I was trying to avoid was boredom, I needed intellectual stimulation. I needed adult conversation, that kind of pleasure. Really different than another woman who might be listening to this, who's like, man, if I could just curl up with a blanket and have a cup of coffee, that would be heaven. So it's really identifying, what do you need? And are you willing and open to coming up with simple pleasures throughout your day? Because honestly, our bodies are wired to experience pleasure. So when we don't put that as a priority in our lives, what happens is we go for easy fixes like food or retail therapy or gossiping or whatever. When, if we would just honor what the body needs and what it's wired for, we would be so much better off.

I love that you pointed that out because I've definitely had moments where I've been like, oh, I'll just do. You know, I'm like, bored or not feeling fulfilled in certain areas, I'm like, I'll just do more self care. Yeah, that's totally what's going to do it. And I'm like, that's not working. Because it's definitely that I need either more like friendship connections or to be using my creative energy more. But those are definitely things that take a little more work. So I'm always observing when I'm like, okay, put the work in so that you don't feel this way anymore because it's going to keep on coming back. So that's really powerful to even hear that for myself right now because I'm like, okay, another massage is not going to do it for me right now.

Well, and you bring up such a good point that the other thing people immediately think is like, okay, all this talk about self care, it sounds like an extra job for me and consuming. So I am a fan of massage, don't get me wrong. Like I just had a 90 minute over the weekend.

Yeah, me too.

But like things that cost money, like mani pedis massages that I consider more maintenance than I do true pleasure, true self care. And so a lot of really genuinely pleasurable things, honestly do not have to cost you anything. And I noticed, Lori, on your Instagram, you just had a beautiful girls weekend with some of your friends.

Oh, it was so good.

Oh my God, the picture. You could tell from the photos like you guys were so happy and it was so needed. Yeah, that's the kind of pleasure that sounds like is much more fulfilling to you.

And you know what's crazy? I was so resistant to it, it because it seemed it was, it was kind of more challenging to plan. You know, you had to like find the hotel and book all the stuff and figure out. And I know that sounds so like, oh, life's so hard. But when you're busy and you have an event coming up, like it was, it was kind of challenging for all of us to get that time together and like just plan where we're gonna go and where we're gonna eat on a weekend where it's, it's la, so everything is booked. So it's kind of like calling in, you know, I spent a day doing that, just booking one day, so but for me it's paid off now. Where I feel like, I mean like, I feel totally. I felt so recharged. I hadn't felt that recharged in a really long time. So I can imagine how many other people kind of have that feeling like, oh my God, this could be such A daunting task.

Yes, absolutely. And it's. And the thing is, is like, start small. Start with little five minutes. I don't know if you remember when Oprah magazine used to have along the footer of pages periodically sprinkled through the magazine. It would say things like, if you have five minutes, do this. If you have 15 minutes, do this. If you HAVE 30 minutes, do this. Right. Like, if you have a whole weekend, do what Lori did and have a girlfriend's weekend. But if you don't, like, there are little suggestions in the book that are free, that are five minutes that you can do periodically through your day to just make sure that you're really devoted to your own pleasure. And what ends up happening is that that turns out, turns into the solution for so many things.

Oh, my God, it's so. Like, I even noticed that I'm like, oh, I'm not as tired.

Huh.

I really think that's because my soul is full. Oh my God. I'm not snacking as much the past couple days. I think it's because my soul is full. Like, it's very interesting.

It is so fascinating. And I hear you like bigger commitments like that I can be really resistant to as well. I'm also slightly on the introverted side.

Oh my God, I'm so introverted.

Oh, yeah. I am too. And so it takes a lot of energy for me to commit to something like that. I'm always glad that I did.

Yes.

But I think us introverts, we tend to be in our hermit mode and then we miss out on diversifying our pleasure like that.

Totally. And I can convince myself that I'm like, no, I'm fine. But then all of those little things creep in. All of the, the that shows up in the boredom and the numbing out and like the not quite feeling as happy as usual or whatever that looks like. And it's just. It all points towards, okay, it's time to go and do that other thing. But I can. We're so. Especially if you are like in the self development world, you can kind of like literally convince yourself of anything.

Yeah. We can use our tools for good and evil.

Totally.

Totally. I'm just like, well, maybe it's this or maybe it's that or who even knows, you know? So how do you. You know? Because I think that a lot of people are. We are sometimes our own worst enemy. Have you got any tricks or any things for. Around that for. I. I think so many people are introverted like that for when we try to convince ourselves. It's not actually what we need like really figuring out what we do need.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be.

One of them them for you and.

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Yeah. So there's a whole chapter or a whole step in the book that talks about mind detox. And I talk about, like, that inner mean girl as mind crack or mind fuel. And it's interesting because I often think, and you're right. If you're someone listening to this that feels like you have a pretty healthy mindset, pay attention to signals from the body if the result that you have isn't what you want. Because I find that wisdom from the body is so much clearer than what our minds cook up. So true guidance in the mind that's coming from that mind body connection is usually very simple. Direction and untruths, whatever our mind crack is, our mind, our ego will talk in paragraphs. And so I think the number one hack here is what's the physical vibration in the body feel like? Number one? Is the result happening around you, what you want. And when you eavesdrop on yourself, is what you're saying positive? Is it serving you? Is it simple? Or is it, like, complete paragraphs of borderline nonsense and excuses? And I can, for example, I can decide to go Netflix and eat snacks and feel amazing about it because it's a mental break that I need. But if I'm hiding, like, if I'm netflixing because I don't want to face something, it feels gross. It doesn't feel restful. So it's more like, how does it feel inside, whatever it is you're thinking or doing?

Man, that's so interesting. I don't think I've ever heard that before. Like, your mind chatter comes in paragraphs. Because, like, that is so good. Like, I'm taking a mental note on that one. Because when. When something's like a yes for me, and I know it. Like, when I thought of this girl's weekend, it was like, yes. And there was nothing else. And then when I started to think about it, I started writing paragraphs in my head as to, like, why this wasn't what I needed or why this felt challenging or, you know, why this wasn't gonna be as recharging as I'm thinking. And I was like, but my. My body was like, do this. It literally just said yes. Like, when they asked me, I was like, yes, let's do this. And that's what I tend to go back to and pay attention to is, like, what was my initial like, what was my initial body reaction? And how did that feel? That is. I love that. I have to remember that. That's. So I wrote it down. So. So we're good. She's gonna be a new tattoo.

So.

There'S two that I wanna cover, and one if we can so eat with attentiveness and exercise with love. Because this is the thing, right? People are like. Like you said in the beginning, give me the food plan, give me the exercise plan. And like, I've, you know, I've been a trainer for a large chunk of my life and owned a gym, and it was like, oh, my God.

We.

This was, like, the last thing that I needed to talk about was, was the exercise and the food. So I really want to. And it's funny because I needed to heed my own advice. But. But tell me. Let's talk about that. For people who are like, wow, I really want to get on a health plan. I want to start, you know, feeling good in my body, taking care of my body, when this is the main focus, what tends to happen?

So do you mean when they're only focused on working out how much they're.

Eating, and they're, like you said, kind of the macros and the exercise, so.

They'Re missing the biggest part. So here's the thing, is that when we give over our power to an external plan, and I'm not saying you can't have a plan. Of course I have a plan. I know how many times a week I go work out with my trainer. I know how many times a week I'm going to get on that sexy peloton and spin. I know all those things. But in order for that plan to be sustainable, it has to first start from you. And so. So whenever we're, like, whenever I was for sure this person, I would be like, lori, tell me what I need to eat and what kind of exercise plan I need to do so that I can look like how you looked on that magazine cover. Just tell me. I'll do it. Of course, I would never do it. I would never follow through, because I wasn't lined up with why. It was all a transaction. So one of the things I talk with myself and my clients about is dropping this transactional attitude where it's like, okay, I will eat this way and I will move my body this way, but only body. If you end up making me look like JLO by Friday, like, that's the. That's. Or I'm out, right? So it's the. It's this you know, I want it too fast, too soon. And I also am only moving for this external result. Now, I'm not saying that you can't have an external goal for yourself. I'm saying, like, you really have to understand and the keeping and care of your God pod and coming more from a place of. I'm going to move this body because it's a creature and it needs to move. I'm going to move this body because there's emotion that needs to be processed. I'm going to move this body because it's good for my mental health. I'm going to move this body for all kinds of reasons, but I'm not necessarily going to put huge demands that it must shape up in a certain way because we'll quit every time.

Oh, my God. Totally. So, and something I want to ask you about and talk about and see if we can get this into words, because I think it's something I always try to explain and maybe you've had experience. Well, I'm sure you've had experience with it. So much of it is obviously about what we're thinking and what we're doing or what. What we're thinking. Hence what we're thinking shows up as to what action we're taking, how we're feeling and how much energy we have. Like, you know, for me, working out is like, it's just a habit. Like, I'm going to do it because emotionally I'm. I'm processing through things every time I move my body, like every single morning, I'm processing through something I've even been noticing recently. Like, if I have big stuff coming up or if something's really bothering me, or let's say I open a nasty, like, inbox randomly. Like, that is going to affect my workout. And I always think about how if people aren't prepared for it, like, it's going to. You're not going to go to the gym. Like, you get a nasty inbox or a call from somebody that you don't want. Like, if you're not ready to, like, kind of learn how to compartmentalize that and go know that you're going to go work through it and you're going to keep moving through it. You know, most people, that's where it stops. So with the different thoughts that are going on in our heads with the things that come up in life, like, how do you share with people to kind of learn to. To keep moving through them no matter what's coming up? Because sometimes you can be in the middle of A workout, right? And you think about something that your mom said, and the weight is all of a sudden £100, and you're like, screw this, I'm out. Like, yeah, absolutely. How do we keep going?

Well, so the number one thing, and I love what you just said, is that every morning you're working through some things. And my best friend and I are running buddies, and we're constantly texting each other to hold each other accountable. Like, you're setting your alarm right? We're getting up right? And she and I always say on days when it's raining or it's icy and we can't run, we really miss our mental health. Check with each other. And processing so many things. And you're right. Like when you're running a business, like you're running and many of your listeners are running, and there are trolls online and there are people in the office saying things, there's a way to be the observer of that, to recognize, like, okay, so this person is saying, whatever. Fill in the blank. Stay in your lane. I recently talked to this lady at the gym who we were talking about the Grammys, and I personally love JLo, and she is not a JLO fan. And she was not happy that JLO did the Motown ensemble that she did. And she was saying that JLO needed to stay in her lane as J. Lo, as an actress, because she thought she was a precious actress, but that she couldn't dance and she couldn't sing. And I was like, okay, so you realize that JLo's lane is actually dancing. Like, she was a fly girl on In Living Color. That's kind of what she's known for. And then she became a singer, and then she added acting. But I really started thinking about. Because it. It was during my workout, I got all up in my head about that phrase, stay in your lane. And I was forming a blog post about women who tell other women to stay in their lane, which y'. All. And I was grateful to have heavy weights because I was like, okay, like, I need to pound some stuff right now. But there are times when people do or say things, and negative thinking can make you physically weaker. It's proven. And so understanding that, number one, what other people do and say you can't control, it's not about you. It's a projection. And also just being aware that negative things and negative circumstances and haters are going to happen. And guess who's still going to show up every single day. Lori Harder. Susan Hyatt, the listeners of this podcast we're going to keep showing up and keep showing up imperfectly and developing a mindset that's like, no matter what, I'm showing up, up so good.

It's so true. And I would have. I literally, the stay in your lane thing, I had a few. I had. I just could go there with you.

I know. I'm like, wait a minute. First of all, JLO owns the highway.

So adopt a highway by jlo.

I know. Anyway. Oh, it's.

But that is something that, like, literally, I think that's so important, and we won't go off on too much of a tangent with that. But I. I love that that was even. You know, I just want to point out that obviously if. If we tell each other to stay in our own lanes, like, we can't ever have the freedom to evolve in the way that we're supposed to.

So.

Yeah, I feel you on the stay in your own lane thing. So.

Right.

I'd still be like, only in the fitness world, and that would not be. I wouldn't be having any fun in that lane anymore by myself.

I'd still be a real estate agent, which, you know, there's a lot of greatness in that industry. But it wasn't for me. It's like, come on, guys, we need to grow.

Totally. Okay, so detoxing your mind, that was really a huge part of it. So the Just really paying attention to what you're thinking. So is there mantras or is there something that you do in the morning for you, like when you are. Let's say your running partner is not there, like you said, like, the mornings that she's not there and you're just like, oh, my God. Like, how do I get my mind to just tell myself to go and work out, even though everything is like, no, no, it's okay. Just work through this. Even though I know. Of course, sometimes we have compassion. We don't have to go to every workout, but for the most part, like, it's pretty important to go move your body and do that for you. So what do you stick to in your head that kind of helps you clear out those thoughts?

Absolutely. So I have this little morning ritual that I call Dial it Up. And I do it while I'm still in bed. And basically, when the alarm goes off, trust me, when my alarm goes off early in the morning, there are very few mornings that I'm like, good morning. Let's make some sunshine. I mean, I'm a pretty happy person, but I wake up with worries and wanting more sleep. Just like Everybody else. And so one thing that I do, and honestly it's become such a habit that it doesn't take very long at all, maybe a minute. But I do a body scan so I still have my eyes closed and I assess, okay, what's happening? Am I anxious about something? Like, what's my heart rate doing? And then I pay attention to, okay, what am I thinking that's creating this feeling state. And usually for me, in the morning. So if we're talking about this morning, my running buddy flew home late last night. Her flight got delayed, delayed, delayed. So she didn't get home till after midnight. So she wasn't going to be up at 4:45 to run. And I set my alarm anyway to do my bike that's in my basement. And when my alarm went off and I did my body scan, I noticed what was happening in my head was a to do list. Well, you really should instead prepare for your Mastermind class. Like you're not fully. You're not prepared enough, which wasn't true, but I was telling myself that I really should sleep an extra half hour and then spend the other half hour preparing for my Mastermind class instead of getting up and moving. And so there's this mental gymnastics that happens where I think, okay, what is the result I want? The result I want is to get my booty up and get in that basement. And so some of the thoughts that help me get up, and this is for any of you listening who have trouble getting motivated to get up in the morning. What's really helped me is in advance, I come up with what I call back pocket thoughts, which are thoughts I can whip out and try. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. But one of the thoughts I like is you never regret when you do get up. I only regret it when I skip. I never regret it when I actually get up and go. And then the other thought if that doesn't work is, you know, you're going to feel proud of yourself that you actually got up. So feeling proud is a feeling state I really love. So it's like picking out the result that you want and then deciding what do I need to think and then what do I need to do that's in alignment with that result. And I do this like if you get into the habit and I'm sure you do some thing like this, Lori, but it happens so quickly now. It's not like a. I'm lying there for 45 minutes with this debate. It's literally happening within a minute or two.

Yeah, I Literally. And sometimes, yeah, it is longer, but it's like for me, something that I've fallen back on. It's kind of similar to yours, which I feel like when we all start talking about this, it's so much of it all comes down to these answers that you're giving. Like, like, it's kind of like this formula that you have to figure out for yourself though. Like insert your own kind of statements that work. But for me, it's always like that thing that you think is support, like that thing you think is supportive actually isn't like as supportive as the exercise or as the meditation or as reading the book. Because I can fool myself into thinking that going and writing that to do list for the seventh time or going and running that errand right now. I'm always like, nope, it'll be there later when you feel better after your workout. So those are kind of the words that I'm always going back to because we are so good at convincing ourselves. Like, no, that'll feel better. And I'm like, no, actually you'll kind of do that half assed because you'll be tired and then it'll be done and you'll have time, but you won't go work out, so you'll feel bad.

Exactly, exactly. And for me, I'm the same way. I'm like, okay, but preparing for your Mastermind class is going to happen so much more quickly if you have energy from your workout, so quit it. Like, so ridiculous.

Oh yeah. Like when I was writing my book, I was like, no, you should go write first. I'm like, who are you kidding? Like, you're gonna, you're gonna get to the coffee shop and instead of writing, you're gonna get like that chocolate croissant because you're tired and you didn't go for a walk.

Right.

And you're not gonna write at all after that.

Totally. I always like, like. And the other thing for me is energy wise.

Yeah. You know, I have a lot of.

Calls and appointments and classes and podcast interviews during a day. And if I have any hope of showing up in the way I need to show up, it's because I've worked out.

It's like dropping in. I really feel like it's like this reconnecting back to your physical self, like connecting your brain to kind of your body. That's how I've, how I feel after a workout. I'm like, okay, now I'm fully present because. Cause I've kind of moved into my body. Otherwise I feel kind of creaky and groggy. And, you know, I just think it's a great way to drop in and be like, okay, I'm here now I can, now I can pay attention.

Yes, yes.

So I wanna know what number seven means. The show up and be seen. I like the sentence show up and be seen.

So I also talk about this as make a scene. And this is my favorite. I mean, they're all my favorite. Everyone always says, you always say everything's your favorite. This one I love so much because the phrase and the exercise happened pretty organically in that I was on a run, this would have been four years ago now. And I usually run in the early morning with my best friend. And it was during the holiday season though, and it didn't happen. So I was running, running midday, which was really unusual for me. December, crisp day, I approach this park that I always run through and there were a couple of like probably 19, 20 year old young women with a little puppy. And so I stopped and pet the little puppy and kept going. But then on my way back, I noticed from far away that this puppy in his leash was wrapped around the owner's legs and she was bending backwards, like almost about to fall down. And I noticed this big guy, probably like six, four, yelling in the street and pointing in her face. And her friends started flagging me down. She could see me coming. Now, Lori, we've not met in person, but I'm five three, I'm about 115 pounds. I am not a big woman. But in that moment, Mama bear kicked in. And now I'm not recommending to your listeners that they insert themselves into a domestic violence situation. But in that moment I just started charging and I approached and I was yelling to like startle and scare him, which worked, but he turned towards me and started like yelling at me and what are you going to do about it? And for the sake of your audience, I won't use all the choice words that I did say in that moment. But I let little Mr. Know exactly what this 45 year old was about to do to whoop his booty. And his friend was sitting in a car. I looked over and noticed that there was a running car next to the sidewalk. And his friend said, hey, like stop being an idiot, get in the car. And so it was enough of a disruption that after saying a lot of awful things to both of us, he actually did go away. But in that moment, the young woman, the main young woman, sunk down to the sidewalk and was just sobbing. And I was like it's okay. How can I help you? And she said, you know, I'm just so embarrassed that we made a scene. And I said, you know what? Like, your life is worth making a scene over, and who cares, you know, who saw what? And so it was the long and the short of it was she had broken up with this guy, he didn't like it, and he was being abusive. And the whole way home, I was on this adrenaline high. And that phrase, like, don't make a scene kept coming to me because I was raised in the south, and my mother used to say that to me, like, tone it down. Don't make a scene. What will the neighbors think? And so many women are raised with that. We're raised with that messaging, like, keep it quiet. Like, don't ruffle any feathers. And so part of this process in standing up and being seen and making a scene is not necessarily about being super disruptive, although that. It's always fun for me when my clients are. But it's more about the little ways you can advocate for yourself and make a scene. So it might be asking for the rate or simply saying, like, actually, I hate Chinese food. I don't want to go there every Saturday night anymore. All the little ways that women can stand up for themselves and start saying, like, hey, I matter in my own life. And then the being seen part. Most of the women that I work with are either hesitant to put themselves online for their businesses because they're scared of trolls and haters or because they don't like the way that they look. Look. And so it's a big part of, like, hey, you get to take up as much space as you want. You get to be front and center in your life. Literally, physically, metaphorically.

That is like, oh, man. That is like, I think some of the best advice in the world, because it will. It will keep coming back in some form. Like, if you don't. I have a couple experiences going on in my life right now. I won't share too in detail because I'm right in the middle of them. But it's like knowing where. If I would make the easier decision for people to still like me and not ruffle feathers or not disappoint or upset people, that. That will come back for me in a huge way later. Whether it's when. When it's happening and I'm just sick the whole time, or I'm like, I went against my intuition and I'm beating myself up and I'm upset because I knew it wasn't what I should do, like, it's. I. I tend to, like, look forward and let myself live in the decision. And I'm like, oh, hell no. Like, I'm gonna point people. I'm going to make. Make a scene over this because it's worth it to me to stand up for what I know is going to be a nightmare later. Like, I'm kind of done, you know, people pleasing and not disrupting because it will come back.

Right, right, Absolutely. And the thing is, is that, you know, like, you're saying when. And I certainly have been there too, where my body compass told me was very clear, like, this is a bad idea. And I talk myself into it, and then I'm like, like, dang it. And, you know, I discounted my own guidance and went along with something. So, like, be compassionate about it, but also listen and that, you know, like, the gym. Lori, I'm sure you owning a gym, I'm sure you saw it all the time. Like, here's a great example. Women tend to go into a gym setting and tiptoe around and they're very timid around the guys and like, like, oh, that. Oh, oh, you want to take my bench? Okay. Like, oh, I can't work it. You know, all that kind of stuff. It's like, take out, Take up all the space, all the weights. Like, let them know. Let them know, ladies, like, I am here and I am present. And expand your energy. That's.

It's so. It's so important. And it's funny how when you start to, like. Like when you. When you allow your energy just to let people know, it's amazing how much less you actually have to confront and use your voice because your energy is speaking for you.

Yes. And my trainer, My trainer, Eli, we talk about this all the time because, you know, he gets potential new clients coming into the gym that he does consults with. And he was like, man, I feel like we really need to get you to do some kind of, like, intro to the gym where you teach them how to use energy to take up space. Because he's like, you go over there and most of the guys that don't know you are like, let me get the hell on the other side of the gym. Because this girl, I don't know, I don't know about her, they're like, did.

You need these weights? Yeah, before I grabbed these, did you want these?

Exactly, exactly. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to move over? That's the kind of stuff now, as opposed to, like, what I used to to deal with.

Uh huh. Oh my gosh. I, I've, I've seen it a lot. I've seen so many women like actually completely avoid it because they're so incredibly just intimidated to be themselves in the gym. Like, is it okay to be myself in this gym? Or what am I supposed to act like? Or. And I, and I completely get that, but it's, it's kind of like I've learned that and this is so crazy. And I'm, I'm sure that you like probably use this parallel all the time, but it's, it's insane. The number of parallels from working out in gym life and how you show up there is kind of like translated throughout your whole life. Like it's the best place to play, like, and try on different versions of you or your confidence or just listen to the mental chatter because whatever's going on there is going on everywhere in your life.

Yes, yes, absolutely. Because it's, it's sort of like, you know, so I think there's a funny, I'm sure you've seen it. There's a funny gym cartoon that like categorizes the different kind of gym users. Like the gatherer, the person who like takes all the weights, you know, and hoards them. And so it's like, where else does that show up in that person's life? For sure. And I think women who are, oh well, here's a story. There's a young badass who works out in my gym, young female badass. And I had honestly been watching her for a long time. Like, man, like I know she plays college sports or something and she is a total beast. And then there was. I'm usually not in the gym on a Saturday morning, or maybe it was Sunday morning and she came in with a guy and I watched her pretend to not know how to use certain machines. So he would show up and she was basically dumbing herself down. And he was like, oh no, here's how you need to hold this. And I'm looking at her like, have you lost your mind? And so he went to get some water and I could not contain myself, Lori. And I'm like, why are you pretending like you don't know what you're doing in front of. And I said, listen, if he doesn't like you as being the badass expert in here, that as you are, like, like it's going to come out later, like you need to show up as you are. And she looked at me, I'm sure she was like, oh my God, lady Who asked you? She just kind of looked at me like deer in headlights, but I was like, what is happening? Like, if you're pretending like you're not a badass in the gym, listen, you need to show up.

She's the girl who, like, balances on three Bosu balls and does her lunges like.

Oh, for real? For real. Like, I'm over here, here with these little 15 pound weight for my lunges, and I'm just like, okay. She's acting like she doesn't know how to use, like the shoulder press thing.

You're just gonna bust them out on the date. You'll be like, I'm gonna save you a lot of heartache right now. Oh, speaking of that, this is so random, but, like, we had Cirque du Soleil in town and. And of course they like all go to that equinox that's kind of like right downtown or like right there where the Cirque du Soleil thing was. And I didn't, like, remember it was in town. So I was wondering why all of these people were like, balancing on three Bosu balls, like, lifting weights. I was like, what is happening today? Like, why? They were doing, like, insane things, like just. I was like, wow, they really actually work out that way. Anyway, random side note, amazing. It was like a kind of a scary day that I was like, I'm actually nervous for these people's life right now. But yeah. So is there anything that you feel like we haven't covered, which I'm sure we haven't covered a lot, but that you really maybe is on your heart, that you want to share with people who maybe are on this journey to, you know, transforming their life, transforming themselves emotionally, and also having the expectation of really hoping that their body transforms as well.

Absolutely. So the number one thing I want to say is, or one of the closing things I want to say is if you're someone who has been on a diet or tried multiple, multiple diets, and it has not been sustainable for you, that this process is a way to come home to yourself. So, you know, at 45 years old, by the time a woman is my age, she's dieted over 30, 31 years of her life. And when you think about living from a place of deprivation for that long, just know that being devoted to pleasure just might be the thing that helps you create a way to take care of yourself in an exceptional way, making that sustainable. Wow.

And I actually know that's to be so powerful firsthand. Like, it was opposite and so counter. Counterintuitive of what I thought, but it keeps revealing itself over and over in my life. I'm like, oh, yep, there's more facts. There's more. More truth to that than I even ever realized the older I get. So that's so beautiful. I would love for people to be able to get this book and find you and follow you. So where can we grab it?

Absolutely. The website is letsgetbare b a r e.com and there's lots of goodies on there, and we have some gifties for your readership, your listenership. So I want to shower them with freebies, and part of that is joining the bear membership community for a month for free. It's normally $97, so come on over and experience some pleasure.

You guys. That is absolutely amazing. Make sure you check it out. And this book is not only just so beautiful and beautifully written, but there is just practical, practical wisdom in here. And it walks you through every. Every single week. Just great takeaways like I was reading through. And it's just beautiful reminders, beautiful takeaways. And like I said, it's just. It's a. It's a beautiful book all around. And I'm so grateful for you pouring your heart into this book and this work. And I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Okay, so you are in an elevator with a stranger, or it's just 30 seconds on the street in passing and someone, a total stranger, asks you, how can I be happy? What do you tell them?

Oh, my God, this is such a good question. I would say devote yourself to what your soul wants.

That's so beautiful. And you guys, if you loved this podcast as much as I did, make sure you share it with a friend. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.