356: Do You Think Boredom is a Sign of Being Misaligned?

There are so many times I can't listen to another, like, self development thing. I can't read another book. I just need, like, some, like, gangster rap and like a cocktail.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Welcome back to another EPI of questionably awesome where it's no longer a question because it's just plain awesome. Yeah. Yeah. So tell me about. Okay, so you come in every day with some Phil's Coffee. Not an ad, but why? So Phil's coffee is a bit of like. It's one of those things you hear about, like, if you live in the center of the United States where you're like, why would people, like, wait in this crazy line? And what is the. What is it? What's the draw?

Delicious. They play the most fun music in there. Yeah, they make them one cup at a time as their motto.

And so does that make it take longer?

Yeah, it takes longer. And they do this cool, like, fancy pouring thing and have all different flavors.

And so people are like, I just can't wait to wait in line. I just gotta get my pills.

Yeah.

So, okay, Phil's Coffee. And so here's the reason that I went is because people were talking about this mojito coffee, the mint mojito. It is so good.

So good.

So I was like, all right, let me check out what all the hoopla is. And the hoop was full of law. It was delicious.

So delicious.

So I got a cold one, an iced one, and I did it. Like, I was like, well, I want to feel like I'm getting crunk up in here. My coffee. And I did. I. You don't get crunk because there's no alcohol in it.

But no, there's not.

You know what? Placebo effect. It was fun. Like, I giggled.

I feel really, honestly, like I'm kind of jittery right now.

It's a lot of caffeine, but it's pretty fun. I like this version of you. So whatever it is, it's working.

Hey.

Hey. So a week has passed. What has happened? What have you done with this week of your life? Have you made sure it counts?

I believe I have. You know, a bird has been on our porch.

Do tell.

And one day I walked out there and I saw this little teeny bird.

And it had a little pile of.

George's dog in his mouth. Cause he's building a nest.

Oh, my God. He comes to visit George.

To visit George.

I need a fur nest. He's so California that he needs a fur nest. He's like, don't worry, it's recycled fur hair. Yeah, it didn't actually. Like, it fell off naturally. Does he come and pluck it?

Oh, my gosh. If he did, I would be so thankful because his hair is everywhere. But it was so cool. Honestly. That was so cute. Highlights of my week.

Okay. That is amazing.

I feel like Cinderella. It's.

You know what? It's pretty close.

Yeah. A little bird coming to your porch and just gathering hair and looking at you. It was the cutest thing.

I took a video. Might be making a dress for someone down the lane. Maybe down the lane, the cobble street. Cobblestone street. Funny story. I don't think I've shared on here, but I think I've showed you this.

What?

The word bird makes me laugh so hard because that is the word that my dad and mom would use for penis when my brother.

Yes, your bird.

When my brother. Your bird. So it was always like, cover up your bird, Taylor, who's my little brother. So one day my brother got glasses when he was really little, and he was probably like three or four or something. And he was in the bathtub and my mom was like right outside the bathroom, like, folding laundry. She could still kind of like, see him. And he's like, mom, Mom. And she's freaking out. Cause she's like, what the heck? Like, he's in. He's right there in the bathtub. And she comes in and he's got his glasses around his waist and he goes, look, mom, my bird's wearing my glasses. Sorry, Taylor. I don't think you listen to this podcast anyway, so. You know what? If you did, you could get mad at me, but you don't. Yeah. Bye. Shame on you, Taylor. Swing glasses.

Oh, man, that's great.

So, like, I can't let him live that down. I. I feel like I told that at his wedding because you. Okay. There's like a 14 year difference between us. So if I didn't tell it at his wedding. I feel like I need to throw a bat mitzvah for him or something. Yeah, that would be not Jewish at all, but. But you could. But I'd be like, look, I really have a story to tell, so we're throwing you a party.

That's awesome.

Why not a normal party anyway?

Wait, was there something about a dog psychic?

There was something about a dog psychic. So you're going to. You're either going to judge me hard or you're going to all want to appointments. Okay, I'm gonna make an appointment. Waffles has been, you know, Waffles is 12. And once in a while, 12 year old dogs show some signs of aging. And can you see I'm in full denial?

Yes.

I'm like, sometimes dogs get older. She's not going to.

No, she's not.

But. Because maybe she is. She's had a couple different things. Like Waffles has gotten seizures since she's been four years old, but now she's getting a little bit of a. Or she has a bit of a twitch in her face. And it's. I'm like, is this bothering her? She's also had a couple different surgeries because we thought some different things were cancerous. One thing was, and it got removed. She's kind of been through it lately. She totally has, but still super healthy. And I was like, you know what? We know this dog intuitive who goes to our gym. She's freaking amazing. Her name is Stephanie. And I was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm just gonna try it. So it was awesome. She like does these two days where she kind of like tunes into the animal.

Yeah.

And one of the things that we learned. I'm not gonna get too into it here, if you're interested, I don't know, look it up.

I'm interested.

But yeah. You know what it did for me, though? It made me feel so much closer to Waffles. Whether you feel it's, you know, something that you believe in or not. But what I learned was that Waffles main job that she's obsessed with. You're gonna love this. What is greeting and making people laugh. Like, she's obsessed with being goofy. Like she really believes she's here to be goofy and to be like a greeter at any given point. She does not like the garbage truck. She doesn't know understand what it is. It really bothers her.

Wait, that's so true. She hates.

Does she not, when you worked here? Like, she hated the garbage. Well, What? Doug probably doesn't, but she.

But she loves greeting. And she's so goofy.

She is so goofy.

I think that's so neat.

Oh, my God.

Everyone wants to know what their dog's thinking.

You guys, there's a million other things, but I'm gonna move on because there's literally, like, there was so much, but it did make us feel. Oh, here's one thing. She really. She tunes into me more than anyone else, which is actually totally true. Like, she does a lot of things for me the most. And she told Stephanie that her job is to take on my stress. But Stephanie was like, okay, that's a beautiful thing that you're doing. But your owner can. Has the tools to take on her own stress like you can, actually. Because just like humans, your stress can manifest in them if they're carrying it.

Yes.

So this is a great lesson for everybody. Just your person has the tools, whether it's your partner or your kids or whatever that looks like. Or you can teach them the tools to carry their own stress. You don't have to carry it for them because it can manifest in their bodies. So I have to have conversations with Waffles, like, hey, you don't have to carry my stress. Yes, you guys. Yes.

So listen, I'm all about some dog psychicness. Psychicness.

Welcome to California. Y'.

All. Just embrace it.

I frickin loved it. So you know what? It made me closer to waffles. Chris was a little bit like, what? And then he's like, you know what? It made me closer to waffles, like, even if it's like, whatever. I was like, exactly. Yeah. So there you go.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for holding this space to share my dog psychic stories.

You're welcome.

I think it's a dog intuitive. I don't know.

I think it's awesome. Whatever. Same thing.

Do you have a quote?

Oh, my gosh, I do. It's really great. It's by Ann Lamott. I hope I pronounce. She's an author.

Yeah.

And she says, clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist's true friend. What people somehow forget to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.

Oh, that's so good.

Isn't that fun?

It's so good, because now you can reframe your pile of in the corner.

That's exactly my thought. I'M like, I don't need to fold that.

I'm living life.

I'm an artist.

Living large.

Why is there trash all over your house? I'm an artist.

Clearly, I'm an artist. Duh. Just make people feel really stupid when they ask about how messy your house is. Like, it's called art. Yeah. You don't know. Oh, God. Okay, mine's Amelia Earhart. That's it. That's the quote. That's it. Okay, here we go. The most difficult I was. I think I was going to make a joke that wasn't actually attached to Amelia Earhart, which would make me sound really stupid. Historically. Historically stupid or stupid in history? I don't know. The most difficult thing is the decision to act. The rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to. You can act to change and control your life. And the procedure, the process, that's its own reward. Whoa.

Amelia ahead of her time.

I know. So what's a paper tiger for you right now?

Wait, does it. The paper tiger. The paper tiger thing means something that I can't get through right now.

Those are fears that aren't real. They're just paper someone. Someone with a. That'd be like me making a paper tiger right now and you getting scared. Me going.

Oh, rear. Rear a paper tiger for me right now. I've, you know, I've had a lot of general anxiety and homesickness.

Oh. Lately. Yeah.

Hardcore.

I tried this morning. That's totally normal, though.

Yeah.

How long have you been out here? Has it been two, three years?

Two years.

Yeah. It's still, like. It's really. I will say moving is probably one of the most challenging things. Like, I still did not feel rooted here. Two years in. It's hard. Uhhuh. So what do you want to do about that?

I want to. I'm. I feel like I'm doing a little hermaning right now, and I'm not trying to. I'm still, like, active and stuff, but I need to do. So I need some social connection.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Well, I'm free tonight.

Yeah.

Well, you know what? You can text me later.

That's right.

Chris is gone, I believe. So you just let me know.

Thanks.

Do you like that?

Yeah, I love that.

Do you like getting pigeonholed on air? Well, I'm free tonight. What are you doing? You want to make up a lie on air? I don't know. You think God will like that? I'm not sure.

It's your world.

Your world. I'm just living in it. So do you want to learn some quick Italian? And then we're going to answer a question.

I do. I really do.

All right. I'm learning a little bit of Italian.

Okay.

When I say a little bit, I mean a few sentences, because this is hard. Heck, yeah. It's another language. It's like learning another language.

Literally.

Literally. Okay, so you're going to say, do you want to eat something? To me? And I'm gonna say, yeah. So voy, voy mengade quilcosa cucosa. So now say it like in Italian. Voi mengade quilcosa.

Voy mangiare cucosa Voy foy mengade quilcosa quilcosa.

Yep.

Foy menggiare quilcosa mengade voy, voy minjare, minjare quilcosa quilcosa.

Yep. And now say it like you're in Italy.

Voy minjare.

You don't sou Italian. They're ashamed right now.

They are not happy.

The leaning tower of. Of pizza leaned a little more. It is sad.

Oh, I'm really proud of the people that. Lori, that was beautiful.

I actually. I think the action. That's goodbye or, like, signing off. Actually, it's really not signing off. Okay, well, how about those questions before or review of the week?

Review of the week. This is from Chloe Tagin. I'm really grateful to have found Lori's podcast. The episodes are real true and also hilarious. I love the episodes with Evans and also like your interviews or conversations with Chris. You are all so inspiring. As a new entrepreneur, I feel uplifted by your energy and energized to keep believing in my dream, even if others think I'm crazy.

Chloe, you're not crazy.

You are not crazy, Chloe.

I mean, you're not crazy, Chloe.

You are courageous Chloe.

Courageous Chloe. I was gonna say climactic Chloe.

Or climactic.

I mean, that's just a little odd, but I still like it. Courageous Chloe, I love your review. Thank you so much. We're gonna send you a T shirt or a mug. We'll figure that out in the process, and we're gonna send you even more courage. So it's coming your way, Chloe, right now. That was going to your inbox. So do we. We have some awesome questions today. I actually, like, freaking love all of them. They're like, five. So let's see if we can do this.

We're gonna do this. This is from Lerian. How do you develop your own faith and beliefs after Leaving a religion that you grew up in.

Okay, so I love this question because I want ECRAD to weigh in on this as well, because I don't think this is just a question about how do you develop faith, you know, your own faith after leaving a religion. This doesn't even have to be about religion, even though it totally is. This could be about how do you develop your own faith in yourself or in whatever you believe in outside of what you were raised in. Yes. And I think that that is going to take, number one, tuning into everything that you want to believe every single day. Like, you have to build a case for what you believe every day.

Absolutely.

Like, you have to pretend that you are a lawyer defending your new beliefs. So no matter what, when a lawyer is defending, like, a certain. Or, you know, the person they're defending, they're not going to look for why they're wrong. They're going to look, if you're defending for what's right and everything that is like, why is this person. Why is this belief like the truth? Why is this belief innocent? Like, what is it that is going to make everyone, you know, believe me? Or what is it I'm mumbling? That was real, you guys. That happens sometimes. All right, so what is it that's going to make me convince myself that this is true? So I look for all evidence at all times of why my faith in certain things is true, and I'm only gonna listen to people who've done the things that I wanna do and are in that direction. I'm no longer going to listen. Even if it's family members. I just block it out. I don't listen to it. I let it come. I let them say the thing. I don't respond back. And I'm just like, that's their belief. That's not mine. Exactly. So I can see where my old lack of faith, or whatever that was, or let's just say religion, where those beliefs came from. So I kind of look at why they believe that, but then I also look at why other people believe other things. So that's really something that I've done, is not only build the case for why I believe this new sort of faith or new belief is correct in my world. But then I also surround myself with people who believe what I feel is the truth. Like, what really is the truth. And sometimes finding your truth in this new belief also takes getting quiet and listening to yourself. So every morning. I know you have practices too.

Yeah.

Where it's kind of like getting quiet and needing to Listen to what's coming through and then surrounding myself with those things or people. How about you? So new beliefs around just maybe not how you grew up or maybe you want to. Oh, yeah, totally.

I grew up going to church, and I don't really go to church that much anymore, but I love to try out different things. And even just listening to podcasts, you learn about different religions or different spiritual practices. And I know. I would imagine it can feel kind of isolating if you've left a strict religion.

Yes.

But I feel like the more you. There's just so much we don't know. So it's good to just keep learning and research things and try new churches or whatever. You want to go to groups. I mean, there's no shame in that.

No, I think learning is beautiful, even if it's just to learn perspective, like different perspectives. That's been really powerful for me, because what it has helped me do is wonder about why people are in a certain faith or whether this is religion or not, why they believe a certain thing. And when I can look back or understand the environment that they grew up in, maybe how that was really powerful and protective for them, or maybe how I could see how, you know, fear is something that's really controlling. And I can understand that. So it's helped me have massive compassion, if anything else, by studying different faiths and looking at different people's just even beliefs about life.

There's so much to learn.

Yeah. You know what? I get a lot of questions about just like, what happens if a lot of people from, you know, because I lived in the Midwest, they're like, do people give you a hard time for not having kids yet? And I'm like, they used to, but they don't as much out here, here. So what that did, for me, that simple, like, realization is okay. So that's just a belief for people that they believe they need to go and have their family right now and that something's, you know, wrong if you don't, like, that's a belief for a lot of people. So looking at different beliefs out here, where they're like, why would you do that so early? Like, don't you understand that's the time of your life where you're supposed to be building, like, your business and building your life so that you can support, you know, what you want to support later? And it's just two different beliefs from two different places, and nobody's right and nobody's wrong. So you always have to differentiate what is right for you, no matter what and then, you know, once you really build that case for yourself, it doesn't matter what people say, because you can just be like, oh, I can see that that's for you personally. And you can just zip your trap and not say a word because why? Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Just come to LA for the day and then you'll feel fine about whatever.

You'Re doing about your life. Yeah.

In general, everyone's doing something different out here.

Something total different. Yep.

You want another question?

Yes, please.

This is from at. Corey Blissett.

Oh, nice name.

Such a good name.

Corey Blissett. Bliss it. I'm gonna bliss it.

Bless it.

Corey blissed it real good. Corey's blessing.

Do you think boredom is a sign of being misaligned or just part of the process?

This is a really good question. I will say, when I'm really in my purpose, I'm not bored. But I do think boredom is a beautiful part of the. If we view time as like Kate Northrup talks about in her book do Less, which I think you guys would love. If you're, like, a really busy person, you need to do less, or you find that you just are, like, keeping yourself busy with things that aren't important. It's a really great book. So viewing time as less, like, linear and more circular, like more of a cyclical thing. Ooh.

Yeah.

So I do believe boredom is a part of the process. And I think it's when you're bored, if you can stop viewing it as boredom, it could also be a time for you to be going inward and thinking. So when you're bored, is there a way that you could actually be using that to, like, meditate or to connect with friends or whatever that looks like? I will say I went through, like, a boredom. I. I did go through a bit of a boredom period. And I'm like, this is, like, definitely my issue because I'm either doing the same thing too much or I'm not putting enjoyable things in my day. Ok, so this is great. I'm getting clear as I'm talking. So I think that you can be in your purpose and still bored, because if there is room in your day or you're not doing things that you enjoy, because sometimes being in your purpose means that you're working in your purpose. But you guys, it's still work. It's still super freaking hard work. And in order to bring an idea to completion, guess what? Like, you're probably going to get bored a quarter of the way through because you're like, wait, this is hard. And I Have to do the same thing every day to get a result. Like, do I get bored at the gym? Yes, I do. But that's up to me to now change it or to put other things in my life that make me not feel bored. So I was feeling a little bored. So I added guitar lessons, and I added Italian, and I added some more connection time with friends. Like, that helped my purpose, not feel boring. Because my whole day, in the grand scheme of it looking more cyclical, I was like, oh, my day's not boring, you know? So I hope that that helps. What do you do when you are bored? And do you feel like that's a sign you're not in your purpose? Or how do you function with boredom?

I think that sometimes we're so. We're so. We're always told, like, keep busy, keep busy, blah, blah. That's just the American way and the American way.

American way. Busy.

Yeah. So maybe sometimes you. I can confuse boredom with just slowness.

Yes. You know, I am so glad you said that. That's kind of what. Because I'm slowing down a bit and I'm obsessed, but I'm like, I'm bored, and I'm like, didn't you want this free time? Yeah, use it. Like, actually use it. So I am so glad you said that, because I think that's the whole point. Slow it down, Slow it down. All right, what's the next question?

The next question is from.

Hello.

Frankenberry.

Oh, Frankenberries.

Frankenberries. Dang. What advice would you give to people who don't have a solid friend crew that's been around since the beginning of time?

I would love to know who these people are, because I feel like they are unic. They don't exist out here because nobody is from here. Like, no one. You're like, where are you from? And they're not from. It's very rare. Like, when I. When I meet someone from Santa Monica or from the city that I'm standing in, I'm like, wait, tell me about history here. Like, I want to know. Like, tell. It's like. Like walking through a museum of California. It's crazy.

So true.

I'm like, I'll pay admission. Tell me, what was it like growing up here? Yeah. So isn't that the truth? Like, it's so true. Oh, my God. Tell me everything. So nobody has a salt. Like, nobody grew up with a solid friend crew out here, which is pretty cool because it. It shifts your perspective. Like, we're all trying to make new friends. So what would I do? I do what I do. I go to different things where I think people of the same interests would be at. I go to classes. I know this one is huge for you, like, start to create a community by being regular at classes. So I don't care if you don't like classes. Guess what? In desperate times, you do desperate things. I didn't like classes either. And you know what I had to do? Get over it. And this is just a little tough love for people out there who are like, but why don't people just knock on my door and come to me? You know what?

Not gonna happen.

People do.

You know what though? Jehovah's Witnesses do. I did. I came to your door. I would have been your friend if you wanted to study the Bible with me. So excuses be gone.

Yeah, there are people who knock on your door. Exactly.

And there's tons of solicitors here too. That you could be like, hey, I don't want your crap, but I want to be friends.

I'm not really down with this insurance plan, but I definitely would do coffee.

What do you say.

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So it's, I mean, truly, I'm just calling people out because this is when I'm calling people out, I'm calling me out like it's just a massive excuse and really honing in on what you need. Because even recently I've been like, you know, I've been doing all these big group things and going to all these networking things, but, but I have to create some one on one friend time. Like, I do really well in small groups and I'm doing a lot of big group things. So I'm like, I need to create smaller group things. And that means me getting uncomfortable again, reaching out to a few people that are acquaintances and being like, let's, you know, let's go to dinner, let's go to lunch, let's go to. And doing that more often. So that's exactly what I would do. Get uncomfortable, keep inviting people. People are gonna say, no, you're gonna have to. This takes like, like we said, Evans, you've been here two years. Yeah.

It takes time.

Yeah. You have to literally, like, this has to be a weekly intention that you write into your calendar that says, have you put time towards building this new community of like Minded people. Yeah, you got to put effort. That fired me up. Amen, cuz. I'm preaching to myself right now.

That's me too. I needed that. Thank you for asking. Hello, Frankenberry.

So good, Frank.

All right, we got two more.

Okay.

This is from Andy Ruth. Have her love Andy Ruth. How do you know if you're truly burnt out on self development or just self sabotaging?

I just want to call her baby. So Baby Ruth.

Baby Ruth. Those are delicious.

Oh yeah. Just like her. Yeah, I've met her.

You have?

Oh, yeah, she's amazing. She was at book tour in Austin.

Andy Ruth.

Andy Ruth. You were in the room with Andy Ruth. You didn't even know it. I didn't even know Baby Ruth. Okay. How do you know if you're burnt out on self development or just what self sabotaging? This is a great question. Because I do believe you can be burnt out on self development. Because again, looking at life as a cycle. Okay. Ooh, Samantha Skelly. Let's use it again. We're using it again. Consumption without integration equals frustration. Andy. This could be a beautiful sign that it's just time to be in it and integrate. It's just time to really focus on the things that you've learned. It's just time to listen to some hardcore rap. It's just, I mean, I'm not kidding you. It's so funny. After Bliss Project, like there are so many times I can't listen to another like self development thing. I can't read another book. I just need like some like gangster rap and like a cocktail.

I don't know, just have fun.

I just need to go opposite of what I have been doing. So I think that. I don't think it's sabotaging yourself necessarily unless you are not doing things that. Here's where we're. Here's what I can see for people who are like slowing down and also need rest and do a lot of self development work. We're forgetting that not doing it and enjoying your life and enjoying friend time. And not that you're not enjoying it, but truly enjoying your day. Things that have nothing to do with self development is self development.

So true.

Like your life is school. Holding the door for someone. Not flipping out on someone who is, you know, treated you poorly. Not flipping out on people who flip you off and different things like that. That's self development is sending them love every day. So maybe taking a little break and really looking at how your life could be more enjoyable and how you could use that as life school every single day, like take a break from the books and stuff, read some fiction. But there is so much to learn. Like right now I'm reading books about. I think I told you this. Like Leonardo da Vinci. I'm reading totally different books that are such self development because I'm looking at someone else's life who lived in an amazing way. Like read something different, watch movies. Because the thing about even watching movies, I'm like, this is from someone who is so in their purpose. Like, what is it about this movie that made them imagine this? Like, what is their life like to be able to create this? What is the creative process? So, yeah. What about you?

I think the same thing. I sometimes balance my self development books. Like I'll listen on audible and then I'll read a fiction book and just to kind of balance it out. Cause sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm so sick of all these things I listen to.

Yes.

And just like you said, every little. There's so many actions throughout the day where you're learning and growing. Yeah. Just from living your life.

Oh, my God. And boredom's just a sign of something is not working, whether it's your perspective or the actions you're taking.

Yes.

So it's like tweaks every day. Is this my perspective or the actions I'm taking? Am I bored? Do I need some new things? Have I been and doing a lot of the same things over and over? So you know what? E Crad what you gotta get to. You gotta get to worky work. Oh, I do.

Yep.

So. And by the way, you guys, for people who she's. She is no longer working with us. She's now working with me in this form, which is way more fun in my personal opinion.

Yeah, it's awesome.

So if you're like, did she really just tell her to get to work at her house?

Go downstairs and get some.

You know what? You really gotta. She is working at an amazing new job, which is just local. Looks so good on her. But I just want to say thanks to everybody for listening today.

Yeah.

Thank you for tuning in and for this sunny morning. And this just makes me so happy to be able to do this with E. Me too. With L. New nicknames. So signing off for questionably awesome, where if you have a question, if it's awesome, this isn't for you. Bye, guys.

Bye. Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it. That would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful.

Also, please leave us a review if.

You feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys.

Bye Bye.