357: Why You’ve Never Made A Bad Decision with James Purpura

And so you need to understand that that's like messing, trying to change a movie by messing with the screen. You got to go to the film. Your life is an outward reflection of how you feel inside. And so you got to go inside.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I'm doing this quickie a little bit different because I have something I want to share with you that is coming up. So this is fairly urgent because we got such an amazing ticket price for you guys. Chris and I are speaking at the powerful you conference May 17th through the 19th in Los Angeles, California. And you guys, we were able to negotiate a ticket price for all of you of $100 for real. That is it. This is a three day conference and I wanted to make sure that this got extended to all of my incredible, amazing loyal listeners because this is a mind blowing price for this conference. You guys, last year people spoke like Jay Shetty and Tom Bilyeu. And this year we have Glennon Doyle Melton, we have Lisa Bilyeu, we have Bedros Coolian, we have Inquew, we have Rosie Acosta. I mean it goes on and on and on. There's like 25 incredible mind blowing speaker and I have never heard of a conference like this for this price. So we are so thrilled. We would love to have you there. We would love to extend this $100 ticket to anyone who is listening and to all of your friends. So you guys, today on the quickie I have, I am interviewing one of the co founders of this incredible event and it is James and Steph Purpa who have founded this beautiful event and they are a husband wife duo, truly all about transformation. So James and Steph journey of transformation is nothing short of extraordinary. They met 15 years ago and both their lives had hit rock bottom. They Were both financially, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. Life had beaten them down and shattered their self esteem. At the lowest point in their lives they met and were united by a shared vision of creating and becoming more. They started the only place they could by working on them and helping each other grow. They believed in each other, but more importantly, they challenged each other every step of the way and never settled. Shortly after meeting, Steph wrote James first resume and taught him how to send an email. This began began James unlikely career in technology. Around this time they also started a family. Fast forward 15 years. After many ups and downs and a lot of hard work, Steph and James recently sold their tech company, one of the world's largest construction software companies. They now have five beautiful children and live an extraordinary life. Through this journey of self creation, they developed a personal philosophy centered around perception. They believe perception more than any other factor will determine how someone's life will turn out. James and Steph started Powerful you as a way to give back to the world. They believe that through knowledge they accumulated on their journey, they can help others live the life they desire. They their dream is to bring personal development to the masses by making it affordable and readily available to all seekers. And you guys, I loved this conversation that I got to have with James. Stephanie wasn't able to make this one, but hopefully we can do another one. And it is all about you've never made a bad decision. So he talks all about how literally no matter what has happened in your life, it's not a bad decision and why that is and how this is such a powerful perspective. So you guys, I hope that you enjoy this quickie and I pray that I get to see you in the audience because Chris and I will be not only speaking, we will also be doing breakouts and we will have some opportunities for meet and greet and book signing and pictures and all of that fun stuff. So only a hundred dollars you guys and literally that is crazy for this. So it is at the Powerful you conference. I have linked this all up so that you can just click in the show notes and you can go and you can grab that ticket. So let's get started on the conversation and welcome back to the show everyone. Today I'm so excited because I know that you're normally used to a quickie with just me on here. But today because I am so like I am giddy excited about the fact that I am speaking at this amazing event in LA that I have been dreaming of speaking at which is called Powerful you and that is May 17th through the 19th. And I have the honor today of having one of the co founders on the podcast not only to talk about it, but he's going to share quite a bit of wisdom with you. And that is James Purpura. Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you on.

No, Lori, we're so excited to have you out at the event coming up and I'm really honored to be on your show.

Oh, my God. Well, let me just tell you, not only was I super thrilled that you asked me to speak at your awesome event, because I was staring at it on social media and just you had such incredible speakers and I heard amazing things about it, but I got even more excited knowing that it was in Los Angeles.

Yeah, we're, we're super excited to be in la. It's a great event. You know, our, our mutual friend Henry Amar introduced us and you know, I think we both love Henry. I think everybody does. And you know, you know, we got to see you and integrate with some of your content and get a better understanding about what you're talking about in the world. We just love what you're doing and you know, we're super grateful to be connected with you in any way. So we're equally excited. And LA is, you know, it's la. We want to be there.

Yeah, I think it's, it's. Everybody kind of loves la, which is. And if you haven't been, you guys, I know that I have so many people not in this area. If you have not been, this is going to be worth traveling for. So definitely go check out the link because we have some incredible deals for you guys. And with that said, you know what's. James, when I got to know you and you shared a bit about your story with me, I was completely blown away. And something that we are talking about today or that you has been kind of hot for you to want to talk about is that you've never made a bad decision. So I can't wait for you to dive into that. But I want you to share with me a little bit about you were in, you shared with me that you were in solitary confinement.

Yeah. So, you know, taking you've never made a bad decision and then saying I was in solitary confinement probably confuses most of your listeners. But it's not that I've never made a bad decision, that none of us have ever actually made a bad decision. And that's really important to understand. So let me, let me back up. So, you know, 17 years ago, I'm sitting in A jail cell. I ended up in solitary confinement because I made a police officer really mad at me. So to punish me for running away from him, they put me in solitary confinement. And I sat there for 15 months.

Oh, my God, one day.

And this is like, I only got out of my cell one hour every other day to take a shower. And so I had a lot of time to think. One day, you know, as I grew up, I had a lot of traumatic events in my childhood, and I felt very much like a victim. Like life was happening to me, not because of me. And the world was a terrible place. And that's the ideas my mom reinforced. And so everything was happening to me. So one day I'm sitting in my cell and I'm writing these big lists of people who had harmed me, and I was trying to offer him some level of forgiveness. And the traditional ideas of forgiveness never really resonated with me. So I was really struggling. And as I was reading this list one day, I looked at it, and I said, wow, the only common denominator between all of these circumstances is me. What if somehow this is all my fault? And so I really thought about what that meant to me, right? And then as I thought about that, I came up with this idea. Well, it can't be. Some of it can't be my fault, and others can't. In other words, do we create our experiences or not? And if we create them, that means we create all of them, right? And so it either means everything is my fault or nothing's my fault. And when I thought about what those two ideas thought about, you know, meant to me was, if everything's my fault, then it means I have to take responsibility for all the things I've been through in my life, which is a lot, because I'm sitting in solitary confinement, right? And formerly I was a drug addict and, you know, did a lot of shoplifting and things to support my habit, which is why I was in jail in the first place. And so that was a lot to take responsibility for. The other side of that coin is, if nothing's my fault, then that means the world really is a crappy place. And I probably don't want to play anymore, because I meant when I got out that I was going to go right back to where I was. So it was on that day that I decided everything was my fault. And see, you know, where we get into the. I've never made a bad decision. Part of that is, is that when you decide everything is your fault, then you could really get into A blame cycle and start blaming yourself, which we already do anyway, right? Yep. But what happened on that day was I took my power back. Because if everything is always somebody else's fault, it takes away your power to change. And so I was like, okay, this is my fault. I created all of this. That means I'm powerful because I'm in a mess, means I can create something different. And I decided at that point in my life that I was going to learn the mechanisms for which it took to create your life. And if I ever made it to the point that I figured that out and I rebuilt my life, that I would give this methodology and stuff back to people shortly. Getting out of jail, I'd meet my wife, you know, 15 years later. Last year, about this time, we sold our worldwide technology company, and we launched Powerful youl is Our Way to Give Back. And so that kind of brings it back around to the event. But it all started with the idea of, I am the creator of my experiences, which means everything is, in fact, my creation. I'm going to own all of it. Which put a tremendous amount of pressure. But that pressure was the power I was feeling. Mm.

So I have a question around that, because I think so many people, you know, I'm sure there are some people's worlds who are a bit rocked right now just saying I don't. You know, they don't. How could this be my fault? Or how could this be my fault this happened to me, or this person did this to me? And, you know, how does one basically kind of take that on as, yes, I was the common denominator, but also releasing, like, how do you forgive yourself and complete that loop if it doesn't feel, you know, completed on the other end? Because a lot. Lot of stuff that happens, we are not going to get the. You know, they're not going to come back and say, oh, I'm sorry I did that to you, or we don't get the completion that we often desire? So how do you work through that kind of, like, cycle of. Of that emotion that feels really raw around it?

Great question. And let's define what your fault is. So the question you have to ask yourself is, does any abuse that you've ever been through define you? Does the action itself define you? And if the answer to that question is yes, it defines you, then you're always going to be stuck. There's nothing you're ever going to be able to do about it, because it is, in fact, your abuser that still has power over you. And so what created your life. It wasn't the abuse. It's what you chose to believe about yourself because of that abuse. And what that does is when you take responsibility for the only thing you can, which was the belief you chose to adopt about yourself. And that belief, based on the laws of perception, is what created the rest of your life. All the abuser, in fact, did was give you a choice to believe something about yourself that wasn't true. They couldn't make it make you believe it. And so you're taking responsibility for the belief. You're allowing the abuser to take responsibility for their partner. You don't even care. So forgiveness for me was not about letting the other person off the hook. It was about letting myself off the hook. It was about forgiving myself for believing something about me that wasn't true. And that's where the real rubber hits the road with this is because if we look at that version of me, you know, my first abuse occurred in kindergarten. When I was in my kindergarten class, it was apparent that I had some pretty severe learning disabilities. So the first time my teacher called me up to tell me I needed to go to special ed, which is now, like, resource or something, she called me up in front of the class and she said to me, she goes, you know that special ed is only for retarded and stupid kids, right? I mean, at five years old, I'm sitting there just shocked. And as I was leaving the class, every single day, everybody in the class. She made everybody in the class call me stupid on the way out. Wow. And this happened every single day for my kindergarten year. I told my mom she didn't do anything about it. She was. She was. She had severe depression. She couldn't leave the house. And so that was my experience. What was the experience? Is that my abuser's fault the rest of my life? No. I chose to believe that I was stupid. Now there's an argument to be made that says, what choice do I have? And so the idea is, well, here's a person of authority telling you you're stupid. Well, of course I believed it, but it was still my choice. And the reason that's an important distinction is because if it's my choice, I have the power. If it was my belief that created my life and not the abuse, then I can choose something different today, to believe something different about myself and my life from this point forward can be different. It was abuse that never changes. And so for me, it was about forgiving the. The part of myself that made the bad choice that in turn, created my life.

So was this something really that has carried with you obviously to what you're doing now? Because to be honest with you, to create, to create an event and what you're doing of this proportion you have to. When people tell me they want to do events, I'm like, sit down, my friend. How passionate are you really about this? Because it's an undertaking. And I really believe when people create events, it's because there is a burning desire that they want to help people transform. So what is your. Why, what do you desire to happen? Like, what's, what is the outcome that you desire for people who come to your events?

So go back to the. You've never made a bad decision.

Yeah.

And that'll be the outcome. So, you know, Lori, if I had told you you've never made a bad decision, what would you say?

I mean, now I can answer very differently than I would answer in the past. Now I would say, I mean, every decision I ever made was something, was a lesson that I needed to learn for who I am today.

You know, all of us self help people always answer that way. But if I said you literally have never made a bad decision, even if you didn't learn from it, nor are you capable of making a bad decision, most people go, you know, I've made some bad decisions. Yes, and the truth is you haven't. Because in order to make a bad decision, you would have to make a decision that you believed at the time was against your best interest. We never make decisions at the time that we make them that are against our best interest. Not only that, we're not even capable of doing it. You can't look at a decision and say, well, I think this is against my best interest. I'll make that decision. Unless you're a sociopath or mentally ill. And so you've never made a bad decision. You've only ever made decisions based off of bad information. And why is that important? You could say that's phonetics, but it's not. Here's why it's important. You and I make decisions the same exact way, Lori. We evaluate the information that we have available to us and we make the best decision we can with the information we have. And that's the same way we all do it. So the problem is not you. So if your life is not the way you want it to be, it's not because you've done anything wrong. It's because you made the best decision you could with the information you had available to you. The information was Bad. Where does the information comes from? Comes from our beliefs. But even at the time we adopted those beliefs, we did the same thing. And so what I want to tell your listeners most of all is you need to understand you've never made a bad decision. The problem is not you. I think this industry gets into the, you need to work harder, you got to want it more, you got to do this, you got to. It's not you, it's the information. You're sourcing for your decisions. That information is your beliefs. And so people can tell you what to do all day long. But if you don't change the information underneath, you know, in relationship to the story I told earlier, if I still believed I was dumb, I'd still be stuck. That was the information I was sourcing to view and see my life. And that's how perception works. Perception goes into your past. You know, finds an experience that's similar to this experience and it puts meaning on this experience. But if, if that meaning was wrong in the past, that means the meaning is wrong today. And if you use that meaning to make a decision just like you did in the past, you're going to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. But it's not your ability to make decisions. And that's the creative power of our lives is seeing opportunities, making decisions, taking actions. Well, those are all sourced off of information.

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So any of your listeners today who think they've made mistakes, you've only ever done the best you can. You need to learn to get new information. Learn to question your beliefs about yourself. The vast majority of what we believe about ourselves is not true, right? It came from a false and limiting interpretation from another person. I mean, even our parents sometimes inherently say things to us when we're children that we walk away with these ideas of oh, like they don't trust me, right? I must not be trustworthy. And because 95% of your of your mind is in the subconscious state, you don't even know the information is being sourced. And so there's two things that dictate your life. There's perception and there's emotions. And what the most amazing part of this about that is is that everybody knows what perception is, everybody knows what emotions is are, but nobody knows how they work. And so everything we do at Powerful youl is about Teaching you how perception works so you'll know how life works. Everything we do at Powerful youl is telling you the meaning of your emotions and how to process them. You know, emotions. Perception is the only thing that you have. You only have your interpretation of what you think reality is. You don't actually have an access to reality. And then your emotions give your life the only meaning they have. And the fact that we do not understand those two things and we're not talking about them all time, all the time is a crime against humanity. Because it's like. It's literally like having the direction book for life and knowing what it is and never picking it up. And so what we want people to walk away from is, first of all, you are the creator of your experiences. You have agency and power in your life, right? But what you feel on the inside always projects on the outside. So if you think that your life sucks, you're screaming at the mirror. Because your outside life is only a reflection of what you feel inside. And so you can go out and start messing with your life and try to fix things out there, but the minute you take your attention off of it, if you didn't address the belief underneath, everything's going to reset to where it was. And that's why it's so hard to change. And so you need to understand that that's like messing. Trying to change a movie by messing with the screen. You got to go to the film. Your life is an outward reflection of how you feel inside. And so you got to go inside. So, you know, perception. I'll kind of finish with this because I know that I'm probably running long here is there's two parts to life. How do I create in the outside world? How do I be happy? Those aren't actually the same things, right? What it takes to create on the outside world is how you manage and interpret your experiences. You challenge those interpretations. I used to think this meant this. Now it means something different. In other words, what you're doing is that you're painting everything in a positive light so you can see opportunities, feel safer, make more decisions. Happiness, as it turns out, is your perception of your inside world. And there's actually techniques that you can go in and go into your past experiences and imprint a new emotion on those past experiences. For me, in that kindergarten story, it was about going back to that event, reliving it in my head. Because your mind can't tell the difference between reality and remembering something and showing that younger version of me love and appreciation. So the next Time, unbeknownst to me, my perception goes back and sources a memory from my past. To interpret my future comes with a new emotional response, which is love, gratitude and appreciation. And that's where real change comes from. And so those are the types of ideas we want people to walk away from our event. I want people to walk in and go, we just flipped on the light switch. I actually know how things work now. I understand how to shift at a fundamental level and I have the tools I need to do so.

Literally everything you talked about, number one, I'm so grateful that you are. You know, I've gotten to hear a bit about just your passion for having this help educate so many people at a. Really make it accessible and affordable to everybody. And I love that you are doing this at such a massively high level and bringing in such incredible speakers. I'm so excited to be listening to all of the speakers there and to be a part of it. And also just the power of having everybody learn this together. Like you were talking so much about, you know, really needing to go into the beliefs and, you know, the people that we keep around us are the people who, who are also reinforcing those beliefs. So it's so vital to go to events and meet other people who are gonna reinforce the new belief and have learned, you know, the same thing as you and really understand how powerful the perceptions are and support each other. So I'm so grateful for that. And you know, I, I really. Just in closing, is there anything that you want to share with the listeners about the event?

Sure. And so like what you said is that if life is truly an information problem, if there is no problem with you, you need to get new information and you're going to find that information in the event with all the incredible speakers. But here's the other thing that we've done. We think a big part of what we're doing at Powerful U is we believe that personal development, you know, the best teachers and speakers should be available to anybody who wants to be there. We would never refuse a ticket to anybody. We have scholarship pricing for this event that starts at $25 for a three day event. We have student tip pricing for this event that's also $25. The general admission tickets start at $250. Even VIP is 1,200, which includes food and everything else and access to a lot of speakers. There are events all the time that go on at this caliber that the bottom line ticket is $1,200. And the reason we're doing this is because we want to make this information available to the masses. Because you, every single one of you, deserves to have access to the best knowledge and the best teachers. You know, my wife and I, when we sold our technology company, we wanted to give back. And powerful you is our attempt to give back. And so we want to show you that if you've never been able to afford to go to an event like this before, if you've never been able to be able to talk and meet people like Lori and all of the other speakers, you cannot miss this event because we are going to put it to you at a price that you can't refuse. Because we want you to change. We want this world to shift. We want it to shift to a place of love. On Friday, we're doing a women's event because we believe that feminine energy needs to come in and play its proper role in the world. And, you know, we're doing, on Saturday, we're doing entrepreneurs, health and fitness. And we're also doing, you know, on Sunday, we're doing diversity and relationships. You know, doesn't matter what you were, what you're coming to look for, there's going to be so many teachers and beautiful books and beautiful people to meet. And if this is your first time, this is. This will be a great event for you. Attuned.

Well, I can't wait. And I'm so grateful for you for having this conversation today. And I know it. It's impacted so many people and just cannot wait to be in that room with everyone. So, you guys, if you loved this episode, make sure you share it with a friend. Make sure that you join us in the room, and I can't wait to see you. Until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye Bye.