358: How To Get Connected with Jen Gottlieb

Because we forget if we live in that sometimes it's so easy to forget all of the things that we've done and how worthy we are, where we are and like how powerful we are. And sometimes we just need to remind ourselves.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Today I have Jen Gottlieb on and I will tell you that after this interview I actually got to spend some time with her. She came out to Los Angeles and we went and did a soul cycle and we went and got some amazing brunch at Cafe Gratitude afterward and I really get to drop in for a few hours with her and I will tell you I felt like I knew her forever. I almost wish I did this podcast I after this but I know that we'll have another podcast because truly it felt like someone I had known for years. So between her 14 season run as a co host on VH1 and her acclaimed starring role in Broadway national tour, Jen is no stranger to the stage. Now she's teaching others how to become the star of their own show. Jen collaborates with her life and business partner Chris Winfield to deliver Unfair Advantage Live which is a three day live event in New York City that you guys I definitely am going to get to one of these days. They have another one in November coming up that gives ambitious entrepreneurs and all access pass to the couple's extensive circle of media contacts. Jen herself has used the media to build a multi six figure coaching business in the health and wellness space. She's been featured on CBS News, pbs, Life and Living, Good Morning Washington, Bold tv, the American Dream. You can also find her in publications like Shape, Self, Women's Health, well and Good, the Thrillist, just to name a few. Drawing on her vast media network and her background in television, Jen now helps helps her aspiring business leader leader clients make the connections they need to go from FOMO to famous fast landing them spots on Entrepreneur, ABC, NBC, Inc. Magazine, U.S. news and World Report, Forbes, Fortune, and hundreds of other media outlets. And I know quite a few people who have worked with her and who have had amazing results. Because, you guys, if you take anything from this interview, it is the importance of connecting and widening, expanding your social circles. So I can't wait for you to meet Jen, because it really helps you see a new way of getting your message out there. So let's get started. Jen, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on, Lori.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited.

Don't you love how, like, someone comes in your space and then five people tell you that you have to meet this person all at once?

Yeah, that's you for me, literally all at once. Like, I think I got, like, a bunch of text messages and emails in the same week that was like, do you know Lori? You need to meet Lori. And I'm like, I know Lori in my mind. She's my best friend in my mind. I listen to her podcast. I know who she is, but I haven't actually met her. So you've been like, my friend in my head for a really long time.

I love that. Good. Because you're my friend in my head. So now we can actually make it a reality. So this is fantastic. Okay, wonderful. I love that, you guys. So we're. We're doing this interview right now via Zoom, and she'll be in California next week, so we can really, like, make it a real life thing.

Real life. No longer friend in my head. Physical friend.

This is that weird part, though, where people, like, you can talk to people online and be Instagram friends with them. And then when you meet them in person, like, sometimes people are super quiet, or you're like, oh, my God, I'm so anxious. Or I'm a weirdo in person. I won't be a weirdo if you are a weirdo.

I'm all about it. Like, we can just be weird. It's fine.

I was gonna say, actually, no promises.

The weirder the better. Makes it more fun.

Oh, my God. So you do events too. So, you know, like, I was just. I just finished a big event and some people were talking about that. They're like, oh, my God, I'm friends with her online, but I'm like, so afraid to go up and talk to her. I'm like, but you guys talk like, DM all the time, so you should DM her right now and be like, I'm just Gonna stand next to you and DM you while we get to know each other.

It's so funny what happens online though, with the whole Instagram social media thing. We look at people online and we like create this, this thing in our head. Unfortunately, a lot of the times we look because people post their highlight reels, right? Like they were posting the best of our lives. And everyone can do whatever they want to the photo. They can make it a filter, they can do anything. And we get on this phone and we start scrolling, we're looking at everybody's like perfect, quote unquote lives. And without meeting them, we can start to feel like intimidated or past judgment or a lot of the time feel not as good and start to lose confidence the more you scroll and start to feel more and more disconnected. Like I could never reach out to that person in real life. I could never hang out with them because they're so perfect or they've got it all together. But the beauty of real in person connection is when you meet people in real life, it's like, oh, wait a minute, they're just like. It's so much more powerful. We always say, like one belly to belly conversation is worth way more than years going back and forth DMing on Instagram because you can actually meet the person and see who they are and realize, oh, they are normal. They're just like me. They're not this perfect vision. And so.

Oh my God, I kind of love that we started off on this beautiful tangent. Cause it's so perfect for what you do and what you create in your life. So I would love if you would just share a little bit about what you do now, about your events, what you do with your husband and then at the events, not just what you do with your husband, but if you wanna get into that too, you can do that too. And then I would love to hear just a little bit of the backstory on that.

Yeah.

So now Chris and I, this one field who is not my husband, but my life partner, so you could call him my husband. I call him my husband all the time. May as well be. We run events in Manhattan called Unfair Advantage Live. And it's an event that's all around based around the idea of connection, but it's connecting in different ways. Connecting to your tribe, like what you talk about, Lori. So connecting to other amazing human beings, connecting to the media. So all the people that come to our event are entrepreneurs, have personal brands, personal businesses, and a message that they really want to share with the world. And most of the People that come, they know they have this message and they want to get it out there, but they don't know how to do it or they don't have the connections to get it out there, or they don't feel necessarily worthy of doing that, or they hate self promotion. People like that come because we help connect them to the media and we believe that the trick or the unfair advantage, quote unquote, the name of our event is when it comes to getting in the media, is connections and relationships. So we have this big media mixer at our event where we bring in all of the top media in New York City. So we have like 80 media people and we just have a party and we have our attendees, like make friends, mix and mingle. It's no pitching. It's just casual, like have heart to heart conversations, talk about whatever and create authentic relationships because people are people. So even the media people that were intimidated to meet, right, like some of the biggest producers out there, what happens at like one of our attendees came and she was talking about her kid to this producer at GMA and they were like talking about kids and just having like this casual combo. Literally what came out of it was four days later, she was on Good Morning America because he found out that she would be perfect for a segment he was looking for someone for. So things like that happen. And then the other piece of our event is really connecting to your ultimate potential and connecting to your true self. So we do a lot of work on your messaging and how to, you know, the fact that your mess is your message and sharing who you really are and authentically sharing with your, with your tribe, right, with your people so that you can attract the people that you really want to work with and creating the vision that you want through the media, through your business, through connections, through other people, that's unfair advantage. It's a big party.

Mm. Oh, my God. So I, I want to dissect so many things that you just said, but before we do that, I would love for you to share why you started that or how you got started in doing what sounds like is like your exact place that you should be in. And you're so passionate about it when you say it, but where did this come from?

So now I finally feel like I am in the exact place, like the sweet spot. But it was not always like that. Like, we love the quote, the Steve Jobs quote. You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. It's like hanging on our wall in our living room. We are obsessed with that quote. And I think it's so true, because my life has bopped around in so many different areas. Like, if you Google me, like, who the hell is this girl? I did a heavy metal Talk show on VH1 for 14 seasons. I was an actress and a performer. I did a Broadway national tour. I was a health coach for a long. But every time in my life, I've always been a performer. And my love in life, my passion, you know, like, when you feel like you're in your zone of genius or when you're in flow, when time stops for me is when I'm on stage or when I'm performing in front of a camera. And I've always known that. And I always knew that the other piece of what I love to do the other time, where I feel like I'm in flow and time stops, and my other purpose is making people feel amazing. And so that's where the coaching came in. So bopping all around, doing all of these different things, not feeling completely aligned. But, you know, when I was coaching or when I was performing, because I didn't love the lifestyle of being an actor, because it's tough, and I really was an entrepreneur and had that bug, and I wanted to also be able to run my own business and make good money, because when you're an actor, you don't necessarily always make good money. And then coaching, I was missing the performance piece. So Chris had started Unfair Advantage through his. He has this mastermind that he's in with Todd Herman, Ryan Lee, and Jonathan Fields. Good Life project. They call it the dad Mastermind.

Oh, that's. So he was just talking about that when I. That's so crazy. Todd was.

Todd was.

Yeah, when I talked to him. That's so cool. Okay.

Such a powerful mastermind. A lot of amazing things come out of that. And Unfair Advantage came out of that, because doing something completely different, too, that he didn't necessarily feel totally aligned with either. He was missing something. Like, it felt good, but it didn't feel great. And it was either Todd or Ryan or Jonathan. We still don't know who said it, but one of them was like, chris, you need to be doing what you do best. Like, stop messing around with this productivity stuff. And Chris was like, what's that? And they're like, well, whenever we need a connection to the media, to somebody, we always call you our unfair advantage. We call you, and you can just text somebody, and that's a talent, and that's, like, a skill to be able to connect and network. Like that and utilize the media and you should teach people that. So Chris started it as a one day event and then when we started dating, I started going to this event and I was like, this is amazing and feels so in alignment with what I really want to do. And I could bring so much of the mindset work that I was doing with my clients with health coaching into this idea of media. Because what we were noticing is that a lot of our clients were having a lot of fear when it came to putting themselves out there and like stepping up on that stage of media and being in those publications and being on tv and they were holding themselves back and completely self sabotaging, limiting belief central. And we needed to address that. And so I was like, let me come in and bring the mindset piece because I think that's the piece that's really, that's missing from a lot of PR and media events. And we did that and then also like brought the performance aspect into it. And so now I get to perform on stage, help people, help people share their message and help them walk through limiting beliefs, conquer fear, connect with other people. And it's just like a perfect combination of, of all of the things that I in my life that I loved and finally feeling like this is the sweet spot.

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Oh my God. I love that because so often we forget why there's certain pieces of our life. Like it looks like. You know when you said if you, if you Google Googled me, it would seem really random. But then there's so many times where I've looked at pieces in my life, I've been like, oh, this was all. It's all prepping us. So that's why when people are just in a certain position or they're doing something that maybe they don't love or in a chapter of their life that they're not sure of, I'm like, oh yeah, just you're there for a reason. Right now you're gonna be collecting it. Because you can add those elements. So I love what you just said, that you've added the performance piece, you've added the connection piece, you've added the prp, you've added all the things that you collected that you were good at and you've created like what is now your dream scenario for the time being. Right. And I'm sure it'll morph and transform and change as you grow and learn new pieces. So I'm guessing that's kind of what you bring in and show people at your event. So tell me more about. Yeah, the piece about like connecting to your ultimate potential. Because I'm sure, I'm sure that you can get a lot of people when it, when it comes to like PR and media and connections. I think that there's, there's like a gap that a lot of us try to skip over and that's really the gestation part of your story and of growing yourself and of gaining that confidence. So how is it when people come and maybe they're not quite paying attention to that piece because they just want the media piece and the instant gratification of it?

Yeah, it shows up immediately, like right away if you don't do so. I mean, a big piece of it is like we are really careful about who we bring into the room. And so if you're just wanting to get, you know, a quick media hit or something like that, like, that's not the type of person that we bring in. We want to make sure people that want to create relationships and want to share and want to really connect with other people. But what I noticed is even through my experience when I was in entertainment and when I was an actress and trying to get media, not by making relationships and not being connected to who I was, I didn't know who the hell I was. Lori, when I was doing this heavy metal tms, like that metal show, it was an unbelievable experience. I loved it. It's brought so much to my life and I've been able to, like you said, take pieces from it and use it. It was definitely there for a reason, use it for what I'm doing today. But during that time I was playing like a character, like a version of myself. And it wasn't me. It wasn't authentically me, it wasn't Jen. It was like this, you know, I had the big hair, the ripped up T shirt, the, you know, the sexy, sexy, sexy, tons of makeup. And I didn't really like heavy metal music, but I got. And this is how I was getting Attention. This is how I was. So I had to continue to play this role. And I felt like I was wearing a mask, and I was like, why am I not connecting with the media? Like, why am I not really. Like, you'd think I was on a show on VH1, I would be, like, all over the place and being able to leverage it. And it wasn't really working for me. And it was funny that when the show got canceled and I was forced, like, it was really hard for me to do this because I had a nice big safety net over my. You know, like, I didn't have to really be me, because me is scary. It's vulnerable. Right? It's not the easy route. It's way easier to just stay completely guarded. But you're not going to connect with people in that way. And I wasn't connecting with people as my true self. And people can sense that. And once I took that down and I started showing up as who I really was, that was when my life took off, my career took off. And I share a lot about that in the way that, like, if you're. People like to connect with people that they feel they can relate to. And the more you. You are, people are like, I don't want to share about my past. I don't want to share about the mess. I don't want to share. It's sharing the mess and sharing about your past and sharing about the tough times, the harp, the good times, like, the real you, that's going to make you interesting, make people want to follow you, make people want to hear your story, make people want to work with you and buy your services and buy whatever you're selling, because they're going to be like, oh, my God, she's just like me. Just going, like, going back to that Instagram situation where when you meet somebody in real life and you have a vulnerable conversation with them, when it's not just the highlight reel, you want to be like, oh, my God, now we're real friends, not just big friends. And it goes so much deeper. And that's the piece that I think a lot of people miss when they're thinking about PR or the media.

Yeah, I think it's really easy to get caught up, especially if you have. Just from experience in my life, when you have something that you want to get out or you feel is so big or so important, because we all feel our stuff is so important, it's like feeling so connected to needing it to get out or needing validation. I think a lot of it can come from that place of needing validation over either the message or something. Some body of work that you've done that it's so easy to forget about the why and about the people that you actually want to connect with and that you actually want to hear it. And we compare so much of our journey to other people's journeys. I know that just even when I put out my book, I was just like, okay, well, what does this look like to get a book out? And you start comparing yourself to other people's media journey. Oh, my God. That is, like, overwhelmingly. That can take you down and disconnect you from your. From your purpose and from your call. So how do you help people? Comes to, like, almost, like, separating from the message. I might be asking that wrong. But when it comes to trying to get their body of workout and, like, trying to connect it to the right audiences through priority.

The best way to do that is, like, it's so hard to not get into that comparison trap. Lori. Every day of my life, I'm fighting not getting into that comparison trap. We have social media now where we just, like, get on there, and all of a sudden every, oh, my God, she's doing it that way. He's doing it that way. I need to do it this way. Wait a minute. Why am I not that person? And instead of doing that, staying super, super connected to the people that you're helping. So I always find that I come back to my center and, like, even when I have writer's block, like, let's say I'm trying to produce content or I'm trying to write something, and I'm like, you get worried, like, what are they gonna think? What are they writing? I need to write. My caption needs to look like hers. I just. And then I get stuck. Right. Do you ever get like that? Like, completely? Because you're like, it needs to be this way or this way. And then I'm like, I don't even know what to do.

I like cursing. Here we celebrate it.

So I'll keep going with that. The thing that gets me out of it and the thing that can help you just stay completely authentic with your message is to always remember and think about the people that you're helping. Stay focused on that. And I like to have one person in mind. So whenever I put anything out there, do an interview. We were just doing a media training today with some clients, and we talked about this a lot. Like, even doing an interview, writing a post, writing a blog, writing an article, Always think about who you're Talking to make that a human being, a person that you help, your favorite client, your best friend, your husband, your wife, think about them and help them with what you're saying. And what that does is that immediately takes your ego out of it. It immediately takes you out of, immediately takes the, oh my God, what's everybody thinking about me out of it. Because you're focused on serving somebody else and helping somebody else. And as long as you are always having that as your North Star, like focusing on helping someone, you're never gonna come off as markety or salesy. So that's always good because people are worried about that. And you're never gonna not know what to say because you're just helping, right? You're never going to not know what kind of messaging to use or what kind of verbiage to use to get your story out there. And it'll always be in alignment with you. So when you're talking about your book, Lori, you just want to talk about it the way that you would talk about it. And that's going to attract the people that you know that you want to read your book. Because there's only one.

Oh, so this is, this is bringing up such a good question, like bringing up so many things for me around, because everything that you're saying is really trying to get people back to them in their core key message and connect them to their audience. But also what we need in life is connections and relationships. So this is really interesting because then we can go back to the theory which I think is so like 2000s and 90s of like we need people and we need media, when now we kind of like, actually we do, but we don't, but we need connections. So we're in a really interesting time where media's like, it's not necessarily losing its value, but we can go straight to the audience now. Like we can cut out the middleman. But it's also really valuable to have media. So how do we, like, where's that dance of understanding? Like, I'm sure that you're teaching how vital connections are, but not just connections like relationships.

That's what it is when it comes down to it. It is relationships, like quality relationships, real ones with other people. So not just like, you know, networking relationships or asking somebody like, oh hey, can you just like get me a connection to this person? It's creating actual real life relationships with people so that it's like a long game relationship. So creating win win relationships so you can help them, they can help you as human beings. You Know where there's this huge loneliness epide going on in the world right now, and there's actually. Did you know there's a. There's a Minister of Loneliness in Great Britain. Like they hired a dude to take care of the loneliness problem. So isn't that insane?

It makes so much sense to me though, because I could. Yeah, I just. I think our world is set up for massive loneliness.

It's really a thing. And I think, you know, we're more connected from our phones than ever before, but we're actually more disconnected. And that's to do with a lot of things. It has to do with that whole feeling of comparison compared despair when you start to scroll, when you think everybody's got it better than you, so you start to isolate even more and you don't want to actually meet people or, you know, thinking that you're not good enough or, you know, not really knowing how to communicate with people anymore because we're just like texting or DMing or anything, you know, things like that. Not feeling confident. So still creating real life relationships. That's where the magic happens. That's how things happen. Like, my whole life changed when I decided to make my word for the year connection. And I decided to start because I felt very disconnected and I felt very lonely. I was running my own coaching business and while I was talking to people all day long, it was still just me. And I didn't feel like I was making authentic connections with other humans. And when I focused on that, not even about media, not about pr, it wasn't even about that. It was about just meeting people. And I know Chris did an experiment where he just decided he was gonna meet with one person every single day. And just doing that, like me making my word connection, Chris meeting with one person every single day. I got a shit ton of media. I met Chris, so I met the love of my life. I made unbelievable connections. My business tripled. Like, everything changed. It was all because I focused on making relationships. So that's. I mean, that's the secret sauce.

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Oh, okay. I love this so much because I think this is going to be really important for people to hear because we are in this time of, you know, learning how to connect. And I think on my end and what I've been guilty of too, which is not a bad thing, it's how we learn is like reaching out and, and maybe asking questions right away or asking to connect for a certain reason right away with somebody. Because maybe you are marketing a book or you're marketing something and you wanna like, connect over something with them or you want something from them, right? So the thing is, and I'm just being really honest. Cause in the beginning, that's how we feel. Like, okay, I want X from this person. How do I get it? And we forget, oh my God, that's a person. And it's like, so sometimes I'll get messages in my inbox that I have also sent. So also completely understand this where I'm like, oh, now I understand the energy of this. Like, I don't want to do this thing with this person because it feels very much like, yes, I'm just going to help them with this thing when they're forgetting I'm a human being. Like, that I don't have all the time in the world to just connect or give this out or do this thing. But when people come to me, it's funny because I got a few different messages in my inbox after this big event that I did. And one stood out so clear to me that I couldn't wait to like, help and connect with because it was like a connection on a totally different level. It was like adding so much value and just wanting nothing in return. And that was the one that felt most open to me because it was like, I didn't feel any energetic, like, desire or like, pull from it. Like, you know, it was just very much wanting to add energy to my life, which was Great. Because I know long term, it's. It could be a relationship. And I'm sure that it's, you know, for many different reasons or for the person's wanting to, like, connect with other people, but that was huge for me. So how do you. How do you teach that to somebody?

I love that you brought that up so much, especially from your standpoint. Because everyone always asks us, like, how do I connect with influencers so that I can get something? You know, how do we do that? Because we teach to do your top 20 list of 20 people that could possibly help you. And they're like, well, how do I make that ask to somebody that I don't know that well? And it's always about, what you just said is so perfect because that person just wanted to provide value to you. That's it. They didn't ask you for anything. They did their homework. I can imagine that they wrote you something really amazing and just wanted to help. And that's what we always say. Think about how you can add value. Think about when you're going to a networking event or an event where you want to meet people, obviously, that you could collaborate with or that could help you, or when you're reaching out to influencers. When I always think about, all right, I'm going to go into this event and I'm just going to try to help one person. I'm going to try to just provide value. And if you can just provide value for someone, like, let's say someone, anybody at this media mixer that we do at Unfair Advantage Live, I'm just like, go help people. Don't pitch yourself. Don't ask for anything. Provide value. People will remember that. What is everyone's favorite topic themselves? So ask questions. If you do your research and say, hey, I listened to your podcast about this and I loved it so much. It gave me the best idea ever. I want to promote it. Like, I'm going to write a review, and then I'm like, I have this amazing idea to help you. I'll just do it on my own. We always tell people to go out of your way. The extra mile is never crowded to write a review on your podcast to promote your book. If they want to connect with you to add some value to your life, and then you're going to be like, oh, this person's awesome. They didn't ask me for anything. And they've just been, like, incredible to me. I want to help them, and you're going to genuinely just want to help them. So then if they go for the ask. Later, later, later. You're going to be like, hell, yeah, I'll help you out. Right?

Like, every. Every single time. Because they stand out in my mind. I'm like, oh, my God, this person always been a cheerleader. Absolutely. Like, they've done more for me than I've been able to do for myself. So, yeah, it's the truth. And some people, they just literally stand out in your mind, and you're like, are they. Some people don't ever even ask for anything. And so I'm willing to actually, like, give them opportunities when they come up all the time. I think of that in my life, too. I'm always just like, okay, who are. It is important. I love that you have a list that you say, who's the 20 people that you'd love to connect with? Or maybe, you know, like, even just right now in my mind, like, I can pick two or three who. I'm like, I would just really love to add value to their life because they've added so much value to mine. And maybe in the future something amazing will happen or not. Or maybe that's just the energy exchange that you get to do. So. Yeah. So for you guys, I want to kind of pivot a little bit and talk about just being an entrepreneur, but also being in business with your partner. I'm sure you get asked this a lot, but I don't think it ever probably gets old because it's probably a constant work in progress, like me with my Chris. So we both have Chris's that we get to work with every day.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

How do you guys split up your day? What does it look like a day in your life working together?

Yeah. No days ever the same. So. And, you know, we really. I wish we had better soap, better routines. Like, I know you and Chris, you guys go for, like, walks together, which I think is amazing. We try to do that every once in a while, but our days really are. Because there's always so much going on. We always, no matter what, do our morning routine. So no matter what happens throughout the day, because all helicopter break loose, we. I'm going here, he's going there. He's, you know, holding down the fort here while I did a media training today. Like, sometimes he's out doing something, or sometimes we're traveling together and speaking together. But no matter what, we always, always take at least an hour to do our morning routine. And that is what sets us up for a good day. Or if we don't do it, a not so, good day. So we always know, like, oh, we didn't do our morning routine today. That's why we're off. Or even personally, like, I'm sorry, babe, I didn't do my morning routine. Like, I'm in a weird mood. Like, I didn't meditate or I didn't do my grad. I just didn't start the day off right. So we always make sure that we do certain things in the morning that get us into an amazing place of gratitude. Amazing place of just abundance and energy. For me, also, it's exercise, so I have to go to the gym. And usually we'll do it. We have a gym in our building, so I'll go downstairs and work out while he has his own time with the dogs. So we make sure that we have our own time. But then we always connect and we have this thing. This is so nerdy and cheesy that we do. But I'm going to say it on your podcast because I think you'll like it too. So we have this thing that someone sent. I don't know where Chris found it. It's called the Oath of Manifestation, and it's this really beautiful affirmation that we read out loud every morning.

Please don't read it.

What?

You got to tell me what it is.

Oh, I will send it to you right after. It's amazing. You guys should do it. And no matter what. And we actually have a song that we play when we read it. And even when we're traveling, let's say we wake up and we're, like, going to the airport at six in the morning. We'll do it in the Uber. He thinks we're completely crazy because we turn on Greatest Showman and we read the Oath of Manifestation out loud. And it's impossible to not be in an amazing mood after you do that. So that's what sets us up for a great day.

Oh, I love that. I think that that's. I. I freaking, like, think that that is so important and beautiful. And human beings, we. We, like, love ritual, right? Especially together. Like, we absolutely love just like, that consistent thing, especially that change of thought in the morning with Greatest Showman. Are you kidding me? That is like my jam. Like, oh, my God. And I love that you, like, have that inner perfection in you. Like, I'm so. I'm obsessed with that. What's something that you want your inner performer to do later? Like, what's the biggest vision for her?

Oh, I just got goosebumps when you said that. There's so many things. So I definitely want to get back on stage and do musical theater again for sure in my life, but it's not the traditional way. So I already did the tour. I traveled all over the place, and I loved it. And that was my dream. And that was the one show I wanted to do, the one role I wanted to play. But I realized on that tour that I was like, I can't do this lifestyle, like, as much as I love being on stage. So I decided that I'm gonna just. I don't know how it's gonna happen. I'm just gonna say that this is gonna happen. You don't have to know how. I'm throwing the how out the window. I have no idea. But I will play Roxie Hart in Chicago on Broadway. And I really want to do Dancing with the Stars because I. That would be super fun, but I gotta be a star first, so we gotta make that happen. But, yeah, I'm definitely gonna be back on stage in that way. Like, now I get to be on stage for you at Prime Fair Advantage. And we're gonna do a bigger event, too. But I'll sing and dance again on stage eventually.

Oh, my God, I love that. And you know what's so crazy is you might create your own form of Broadway, so you might even have your own show. Like, we don't know. I just think it's so unlimited as to what is possible we can do. Like, I just to share a tiny bit, like, at. I've always wanted to sing. And I was like, but I'm not a singer, so how will I ever perform? Except that's like, my biggest dream is, like, to perform and sing in just Broadway or something. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do it at my own event. I just created this last Bliss project. I totally sang.

I changed.

I got three other women to sing with me, so an opera singer, a country singer, and then just like, this insane. Like, I don't even know what her genre is. Mindfulness. Like, crazy. But her voice is insane. And I changed the words and we. That's how we opened it. Like, all singing all. It was a girl band. Totally girl band. Like, we wore all the same sparkly pants, like, hardcore 70s vibe. It was fricking amazing. So, like, I think you could create, like, your own version of Broadway, like, and make, you know. I don't know. I just totally see that for you.

Well, that's the beauty of this world that we live in, that we can create whatever we want whenever we Want to?

Yeah, we're just.

I love that you sang at your event. How did it feel?

Like, I don't know, like. Like it was always supposed to be that way. It was really weird. I was so nervous to do it. But once you create it, you're like, wow, there's really no cap to what you can. What you. We can do. Like, we can experience everything. If you're getting a vision and you're getting a feeling of what you want, like, your desire, when you just explain that, I'm like, well, of course that's. That has to happen because that's why you're here. Like, that will happen. So it's just like, okay, well, how do we create it? What's the idea that's stopping you? And this is so crazy that we're talking about this, because media, right? It's like, what's the idea with what you think you're missing in media that's stopping you? And it's almost like kind of going back to what works and creating your own way of getting out there and enjoying being who you are and. And, like, connecting with it. Like, I enjoyed connecting with the women who were other singers, and together we masterminded on how to create this vision. So it's kind of like creating a space for these relationships to come together and masterminding on how this vision could take form in a different way if it's not working the way that you.

Thought it could work completely. And that's your. Like, that's really connecting with really who you truly are. Like, I think the thing that stops us from showing up the way that we want to show up or achieving our dreams or getting out there, like, really? We call it that feeling of FOMO when you see somebody that's doing the same thing as you and maybe aren't as good as you are, but they're the ones on tv. They're the ones getting all the publicity. They're the ones that everybody's talking about. And you're like, wait, that should be me. So instead of feeling that, the thing is, that stops us from being that person up there, not being the person that's like, that should be me. The only thing that stops us is ourselves. So understanding that we can create anything that we want if we just embrace what we want and who we really are. Like, you embrace that. You were like. Instead of saying, I'm not a singer. I've never sang before. I can't sew. No one's going to hire me to sing. I'm never Going to be on Broadway. Like, a lot of people would say that, but instead you're like, screw that. This is who I am inside. So I'm gonna create an experience where I can sing. And it's such a realization of. It's such a beautiful thing, like, we can create whatever we want. And you actually used it as an opportunity to then connect your inner, like, what you felt inside that you needed to express to people with that group of women, and then with all the people that were at your event. And then through that, you showing up as you and your authentic self, you're inspiring all the people around you to do the same. And so, like, I'm sure a lot of those women were like, holy crap, I want to sing, too. And now I'm going to do it, because I just thought it's doable, or I'm going to show up in a different way. I'm going to do that Facebook Live. I'm going to write that pitch to that magazine that I've always wanted to write for. Like, it's really powerful. It's like a snowball effect when we start to actually, we create the things that we're kind of scared to create, but know it's in us, and we just do it. It's really amazing that you did that. I'm obsessed.

Oh, thank you so much. And you know what I want to ask you about, because I had to. As I was doing it, of course, a million stories were coming up. So I'm sure it's the same for you and for the people who you're helping all the time. Yes, we can start to do the thing. We can start to embrace ourselves authentically, but. But you're able to start embracing yourself authentically and make these connections, because as the stories come up, you know how to deal with them or you start to understand, like, the voices in your head. So what's something that you. You even do personally for every time a story comes up, when you go to expand yourself, oh, my God.

Stories come up every day, like, every. All the time. There's never a time that they don't. So you're never like, unfortunately, we say, I work really hard to make my life easy, so I have to work really hard to fight those stories and to keep pushing forward, and that's okay. So it's amazing that you get to learn from incredible people and learn strategies to help shut down those voices and to take that step further. And each time you take a step further, it gets easier. So one of the things that I do that I'm always having to remind myself of and do. I mean, there's a whole bunch of things. But one of my favorite things that helps with imposter syndrome big time. Because that's one of the things that comes up majorly when it comes to starting to put yourself out there in the media and being an expert at what you do and speaking about what you do as an expert. Because sometimes we're like, who am I to be talking about that, right? Like, or am I, like, one day they'll all find out that I'm really not that great. These are the noises and the voices that. I don't know if you experience this.

But I experience daily, multiple times daily.

Like, all the time, even with the littlest thing. So a great thing that I do is I write a badass list. So everybody has moments in their life, lots of them, where we were a complete and total badass. Where you were just, like, owning it and crushing it. Whether it was something so small, where your kids said I love you, or as big as you singing at Bliss, right? And feeling unbelievable and, like, got these women behind you and everyone supporting you. And I'm sure you felt so in flow and so badass and so incredible. Or like, any time in your life, like when you made your first million dollars in your business, or even when you made your first hundred dollars, write all of those times down when you fucking crushed it. And then whenever you're not feeling so hot or you're not feeling like you're good enough or those limiting beliefs are creeping in, like, I can't do that. I'm just gonna hide. Take out your badass list and read it as if it's not. You read it as if you were reading it about somebody you're looking up on social media, right? Like, someone that you're just looking at. And then, like, marvel at it because it's going to impress you. And then remind yourself, oh, that's me. I did all those things. Because we forget if we live in that sometimes it's so easy to forget all of the amazing things that we've done and how worthy we are of where we are and, like, how powerful we are. And sometimes we just need to remind ourselves. So if you have that handy, I have it in my phone. You just read your badass list, you remind yourself that that's you and you go when you do it.

I love that. And I love that you use the word marvel. Because the more that I talk to people who are living in their dream or creating what they want. They really use life as, like, they let themselves get, like, awe, inspired by the world that we live in and, like, really get overwhelmed by how far we've come or what we've done or the fact that we get to, like, be in nature or that the. We get to watch sunsets or just anything like that. Like, really get so overwhelmed by the amazing food we get to eat or the people we get to be around or that we have social media. Just, like, marvel, like you said, at what you've done and what is. I think it's easy for people to be listening in their car or as they're running and they're like, yeah, that sounds great, but whatever. I don't feel anything from it right now. But it's like, really an exercise of, like, you said, marvel at what you've done in your life, at what you've overcome. You've been through some super hard times in your life, and those are no different than what you're doing now. It's just. We forget what it feels like to be a beginner and how important it is to be a beginner.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It's so important to be a beginner. And if you're not. If you're not feeling discomfort, you're not growing. So I love. I try to embrace that discomfort as hard as it is. I'm like, I hate this. It doesn't feel like it's anxiety and all the things come up and it's, like, uncomfortable. But I always try to remind myself, like, okay, every single thing on this badass list before I accomplished it, I had the most discomfort ever in my life. If there was a severe amount of pain or I was scared as hell. But then when I got through that, it's like always the. The rockiness before the rainbow.

I don't know.

It's the most horrible thing analogy ever. But you know what I mean? The shit has to happen so the shift can happen always. Every single time in my life, I'm always reminded by that. And sometimes even to go a step further, if the badass list doesn't work. And I'm still feeling like, okay, yeah, I did all these things, but I really just don't want to do this right now. Visualization helps so much because we can actually trick our minds, like, our subconscious to creating actual moments. Like, you can't. Your subconscious can't really tell the difference between an actual memory and memory that we create and that we make up. So if I'm really scared to do something or show up or perform, or I will just do a really, really in depth, deep visualization of that thing going perfectly exactly the way that I want it to go and creating a memory and feeling the way that it will feel when I crush it. Feeling the way that I'll feel when I help all the people that I'm going to help when I, you know, when it goes unbelievably well. And after and everyone's saying congratulations or whatever. Even if it's an easy thing, just imagining it going so beautifully. And then what that does is if you created that memory, like quote unquote in your mind, it makes it a lot less scary to do it because you're like, oh, I did this before already. Like, I've already. I already did this. It's a really small subconscious thing that happens. So I'll do that. Or I'll visualize my badass list. So I'll put myself back in that moment and I'll go to, like. Let's say it was performing in the Wedding Singer, the show that I did where I felt like a badass. Or for you, singing at Bliss, if you're feeling like reading the badass list isn't doing it for you and you're not able to really snap out of it, I would just. Just. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Put yourself back on that stage. Close your eyes. Feel what it felt like. Feel the energy of the room. Feel how, like, just really go there. And there is no way that you will not be able to snap into that moment where you felt like a badass and just hold on to that.

And just go, oh, my God, you're bringing me right back. Like, you brought me right back to so many different moments when. When things finally shifted for me that I started doing this. I remember I wanted to win fitness competitions years ago, and it was the first. So I'd done it for three years and I hadn't won anything. Cause I was not allowing myself to visualize myself winning. I thought that if I did that I would let myself. Like, I would be even more disappointed. For some reason, I couldn't see myself winning. Like, I wasn't allowing myself to do it because it felt more safe to just be. Maybe I could. And then one time I literally let my. I was like, okay, you better just feel it, experience it. I don't know if I heard something like, you should do it, or whatever. And I just focused so hard on what it would feel like. I was like, well, I've already. I already know what it would Feel like. And I went in feeling like I already was a winner. I was like, no matter what, I. I've already won. I know what it's gonna feel like. And I ended up winning that show. And I texted my coach. I remember I was like, I'm so different. Something is different. I feel so different. I'm like, I. I didn't say I'm gonna win, but I ended up winning. And I knew it. Like, I literally was like, I didn't know it a hundred percent, but I already felt like a winner. So I was like, this is the feeling of what it feels like to walk in already winning. So it's so true. That's one of the staples for me is, like, visualizing just even letting yourself do it. And it's not that I think people can get scared of visualizing maybe for that reason. Like, well, if I don't get it, then what if this doesn't? Like, it didn't work, you know? And I've had many times when I visualized and it's gone completely different, but I've also had it go, you know, achieve the feeling that I was after anyway. Like, have you had moments when you have visualized and it has not gone how you wanted?

Of course. But I always, now that I look back, like, connecting the dots, looking backwards.

Yes.

It didn't go the way that I wanted it to go, but it went a different way, which ended up being like, this or something better. It ended up being better. Like, maybe it didn't. It didn't pan out the way that I visualized, but it panned out a way that, like, led me towards something even better. Like. So for when I did Wedding Singer, like, this was my dream role. And I auditioned my face up. It was my very first audition in New York City. And, like, this was the only role that I wanted to play. I was like, I read the Secret at the time and I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I didn't know anything about any of this Woo. Stuff. I was like, I'm. This says that if I think about this and I envision it, I can create it anything that I want. So I'm gonna create this role in the Wedding Singer, and I'm gonna play Linda because I saw her on Broadway and I was like, this is what I need to do. And the national tour auditions come out. I dress in the part. I walk in, it's like an open call. There's like 500 women there. And I've been, like, visualizing myself on the stage, performing, getting it. I did all the work. I had the vision board. I did everything that the book told me to do. So I go in, I audition, and I make it to the final two. It's me and this girl, and I remember her so well. Her name was Nika and she was tall and beautiful and amazing and so talented. Lauria was scared shitless. Like, all the limiting beliefs. Like, she would go in and sing and then come out and I would go in and sing and I'd have to listen to her and she'd go in every time. I would be like, oh, my God, she's so good. You know, I suck. But I had this belief that I instilled in myself from these visualizations. So it just kept me going and going, going, going, going. I'm like, alright, I'm gonna get this. Like, I believed in it so wholeheartedly. I didn't get it. Nika got the part, so it did not go the way that I wanted it to go. However, it went so much better because I didn't get that part. But months later, I found out through the grapevine that another national tour was going out. But I knew who was directing it and that director was casting a different show. So I went into audition for the different show, not Wedding Singer. And I dressed as the character Linda, and I sang the song as Linda. Like, that's a big no no in musical theater world. Like, you can't do that. But I was like, screw it. I have nothing to lose. I'm just gonna do this. And he. So I sang the song, I walk out, the director comes into the holding room, pulls me aside and he's like, like, I want you for Wedding Singer. We're not casting it right now. So here's my card. Follow up with me and I'll let you know. Like, just keep in touch with me. And I'm like, oh, my God, I will keep in touch with you. So here's a perfect example of connection and networking and how that plays a part in this story and how I learned that that can help. I emailed that man once a week for like six months. And he. And I literally would email him, like, hey, Seth, how are you? I got a dog yesterday. He's really cute. Here's a picture of him. I'm just keeping in touch. Do you need anything? No. Okay. Like, this was just every week. Every week. Every week then. So it's. Here's. I'm visualizing still doing all the work. Get a contract in my inbox. Wedding Singer Broadway, national tour. Like Seth, he writes me an email. Congratulations. We want you to join the cast ensemble. Lindaustudy still didn't get it. Lori still didn't get the part. So it still didn't happen. So I had to go. I was excited because I got to be in the show, but I still had to go and watch somebody else play the role that I knew that I was born to play every single day and feel that fomo. Like, feel that horrible feeling. But still I held that visualization. I held it. I knew it just wasn't the time that I still kept believing. And that was the key. Like, if I would have just said, fuck it, like, this is not happening for me. Like, the visualizations, it's not working. Like, I clearly like this. I can play the. I played the fat lady in the show. Like, I work that suit literally, for two months. Months. And then so after we put up the show for two months in, like, it was kind of like. It was like rehearsal. It was like previews. Before we went on the tour, before we went on the tour, I got the phone call that they shifted things around and they wanted me to play the part. So I finally get it. And when I played the role on stage for the first time ever, that the vision that I saw of the audience and the lights and the feeling of the costume on my body and everything that I saw was exactly the same, exactly as the visualizations that I did years before. It was so powerful that I walked backstage after I sang that song. I collapsed. I was crying. I was like, anything that I want, I can achieve. But it's not always going to happen the way that I imagined that it's going to happen.

Yes. Oh, my God. I wish we had a whole other hour. Cause I could literally. It's how our stories are, like, literally succinct, running parallel, but in just a different way. When I was manifesting covers of magazines, right down to not getting them over and over, but being told I was getting them and then shooting for them and it not coming out. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm right there with you. And I love that you just. I kept going, too. I was like, there's something. So why do you think with this time left, I have two questions for you. Why do you think you kept going? What's going to keep everybody going? Even though now there are some times in life when that's not the answer to keep pursuing that thing. Right? But there are certain times in life when it's like, because I get this question a lot. When do you know to, like, stop or pivot?

Yeah, it's such a good question. And sometimes you just. Sometimes you just don't know. But I had that belief. I just. We have to tap into our gut. We really. And if you. We all have an unbelievable intuition, unbelievable gut. And if you really close your eyes and tap into it and listen to who wants this? Is it other people? Is it me? Right. Because sometimes we're going after something that's never gonna happen for us because we don't really want it. Other people want it. Other people want it for us, our parents, our family, our friends. Is this something. So that's. I always ask, is this something that I really want or is this something that somebody else wants for me? If it's something that you really want, then you need to keep going for it no matter what. And I usually. That's how I usually decipher the two. And I just. What kept me going was that belief that this was gonna happen no matter what. Like, I had tricked my brain essentially, to. With the visualizations to know that, like, this was. This was just happening. So it just kept me going like it had already happened in my mind. And I don't know. Like, that's. It's. It's tricky. It's one of the hardest things. And I ask myself that question all the time. Lori. Well, what's the difference between intuition, what's the difference between what I want and feeling if I really want it or if it's because other people want it? But the more that you practice and the more that you just try and the more that you take action, you're never going to figure it out sitting around. So you may as well keep trying. And the more experiences that you have with it, the more you're going to know what the right feeling in your gut is and what the wrong feeling is.

Oh, and it goes right back to the quote that you said in the beginning about the dots. You can't connect the dots going forward. It's only looking back, you're like, oh, that's how my intuition worked in that particular scenario. And yet it's still going to change because the scenario is going to be new. So you're always. You're always, always learning. I love that it's so true because I'm sitting here like, what's something I really want right now? It's just crazy because you always find yourself in the same position over and over again, like, being unsure, because you're always learning. So one of my Last questions for you is just what is your absolute favorite thing that you guys are talking about right now? Or that's coming up in your sphere all the time right now. Like maybe a repeating theme or something that you're just like learning or in right now.

Oh my gosh, there's so many things. First thing that's coming to mind is this idea of just connecting more. Like, what I'm going with is because. So we do these influencer dinners a lot like influencer dinners, we actually call them connection dinners, where we bring together a whole bunch of amazing, like minded people in different cities and we throw dinner, we pay for everything, and we make a really amazing space for people to connect. And one thing that we do with these dinners is we have everybody stand up and answer the same question. And that's what do you need help with right now? And that's an amazing question to ask because it gets everybody in the room wanting to help each other. And it also puts us all on the same level. So if you're intimidated by somebody, you see that they need help too, right? That we're all people, we're all human beings. But what was so interesting to me is the one we did one two times ago in la and I invited you guys, you guys couldn't come, but I did invite you. And the majority. So this is all people. With so many Instagram followers, so many Facebook followers, you would think these people are the most connected people in the world. And you would look at them and you would be like, oh my God, I want to be them. I want their lives. Half of the people in that room stood up and said, I just want friends and true connection. And I was like, there is seriously an epidemic that's happening. And I want to help with that and help people connect on a deeper level and help people make true friends. Because that's the answer when it comes to anything. We're human beings to connect with each other and form real life relationships. So that's something that we're really, really, really excited about, expanding and talking about more and raising the conversation more.

Oh, man, I love that. Well, I'll be your client. It's so funny because no matter what, I think we can just get into our own little world. And it's very easy to, I don't care who you are, we're all human. And it's like, it's very easy to create a story. Like you can create an even bigger story the bigger that you get, so you can isolate even more. It's very easy in this time, right now. So where can we find you? Where can we follow you? How can we go to your events? How can we be friends? Yes.

So you can follow me on Instagram, all the things. Well, we're going to be friends because we're going to hang out next.

Okay, good.

We're going to soul cycle together. Instagram, engotlieb. My website's jenleagotlib.com and our event website is unfair advantagelive.com if you want to check out our event. And I'm on Facebook, my personal Facebook. I'm always connecting and communicating with people. Gen Valley.

Any last messages that you want to leave with anyone?

If you want to do something, just do it. Just do it. Take that action. Take action. And action is the answer to everything because the more that you take action, the more that you feel confident each time you take action. So just do it.

Oh, I love that. And last, last question, because I can't leave you without asking my earn your happy question. So you're in an elevator. It's like 30 seconds long. It's literally like total 30 second moment with a stranger, whether it's on the street or in an elevator and they look at you and ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

How can I make myself happy? Help somebody else.

Amen. Jen, thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm so grateful and I cannot wait. I can't wait to see you next week.

Yes. I'm so grateful too. This is awesome, Lauren.

I know. Amazing. Well, we got our first date out of the way. So you guys, if you loved this episode as much as I did, make sure you share it with your friends. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye.

Bye.