360: Your Dreams Require This

Are you willing to face that initial quick pain, to live that life of purpose fully alive and feel what it feels like to be free? Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. I pretty much just picture all of you saying that with me now because you've sent me so many videos of you guys saying the beginning with me. Hi, I love you, how are you? How's your day? I'm so excited to be back for another episode. And you guys, if you are free May 17th through the 19th, I want to invite you to an event that Chris and I are both speaking at and we're not just speaking there, I'm keynoting and I am also doing some breakout sessions. So it is definitely going to be a place where I will get to connect with you pretty intimately. Even though the large room has a ton of people which will be amazing for you to meet all of them, to connect with all of them, to be in all of that juicy goodness that's gonna go down in the audience as you listen to such amazing speakers and connect with people. But also there is so many breakouts going down. Just awesome speakers you guys. So that is May 17th through the 19th and my code word is all caps Tribe. If for any reason that doesn't work, just try that in a different way. But code word is tribe to get those tickets for only $100 for three days. So it is absolutely worth you coming to LA in order to see this event. And you guys, it is like mind blowing the different people that are speaking there this year. So if you are looking for an event to go to and you do not have any plans May 17th through the 19th definitely come to this event you guys. Bedros Kulian is speaking there. Glennon Doyle, Trent Shelton, like I said, myself and Chris Harder, our amazing friends Henri Amar and Rosie Acosta, Lisa Bilyeu. I mean, it literally goes on and on and on. So if you go to powerful-u.com and this will also be in the show notes and the code word is tribe for $100 tickets that they have arranged for my listeners. So this is special to you, you guys. That is like an insane, insane deal for you. So if you want to join us, I would love to see you. In fact, let me know if you're coming. Shoot me a story so that I can actually feel like I have a bunch of people that I know there's. All right, so today I am. I have so much to say and this is a really exciting place for me because for a while, I have to be honest, I think you guys know that last year was while it was a rocket ship year for me and such a beautiful year, it was also a year of complete and utter burnout. I mean, everything. I probably burnt out my adrenals. I burnt out my inspiration. I pretty much used everything I had in the tank and ran it dry, ran it till the wheels fell off. So while I do think that years are necessary and important sometimes for the lessons that we have to learn, we all learn them differently, right? But that was a really beautiful lesson for me to learn just on working on validation, on so many things that I needed to overcome on my own. And I had to go through all of those lessons and that burnout in order to understand that. And also just what massive momentum looks like and feels like. And then winding up at a place and saying what is it all for? And really wanting to be clear on exactly what my path. So with that said, this year has been a year of really clearing. And it's, to be honest with you, like when we say, oh, we want more time or we want more space in our day, it's really easy to say that. But when you actually go to implement, this can take months or years to start saying no to all of the things or to learn your groove on how to say no, or to learn that script that works really well for you, that feels good. When you say no via email, when you start saying no in person, when people put you on the spot and you have to say no, like, this all takes massive practice. And I'm kind of finding my groove in saying no. And within this groove of saying no, it's not that I don't want to do them. It's that I want space for other things. I could want to do them all day long. There's a million people I want to say yes to. There's a million podcasts I want to be on. But guess what? Even though those things sound like maybe they're an hour here or there, they're not. They're mental bandwidth, they're preparation, they're planning, they're showing up as your best, they're sitting down. There's the downtime afterward that you need in between things. It's just a lot of things going on. It's the. It's the mental space that is taken up as you know that, you know, tomorrow you have this thing, even though the rest of your day is open or what it looks like. So with that being said, I want you to realize that if you want to start creating space, it takes work, it takes boundaries, and it's easy to think that you want this space, but then when you go to implement, you're like, wow, this is hard. And you just end up settling for saying yes again and being busy, because it kind of just seems like what everybody else is doing, and it's just kind of your normal set point of making yourself busy with crap that doesn't actually make you feel good or move the needle forward. Have you ever been there? Because I've definitely been there, and I'm still there sometimes where I'm like, I was busy all day. How much of it did I actually want to do? And what actually made me happy? So I've been feeling that I am going to a different place. And whether this is a new level or just a complete pivot, I really believe whenever you pivot, though, you are going to the next level of your life. So as I picture it, it's moving upward. But I often remember that, you know, I was just reading Kate Northrup's book Do Less, and she draws this awesome diagram. And this is going to be hard to explain verbally, but just picture a line that's on an incline going upwards, and then a loop, and then a line going upwards, and then the line loops, and then a line going upwards, and the line loops. So I. I think that I actually did pretty well on that. High five to me all. So picture that loopy line. And what we're seeing there is that the line is going up and backwards, basically on its head, and it's actually moving backwards a little bit. So this is often what it feels like when you're pivoting or you're making room for something. You feel like you have to pull back. You feel like you're regressing a bit. You feel like you're in A challenging spot. You feel like you're a beginner again. It feels messy, it feels uncertain, it feels chaotic. It feels like a complete. Like crap. And it often feels like you're doing the wrong thing, because to us, we kind of associate that feeling of clarity and certainty to going in the right direction. Except when you're a beginner, there is no clarity or certainty. Listen to me when I say this. When you are a beginner or you are pivoting or you are new, there is not gonna be a clear like, yeah, you're on the right pat. This feels so good.

Oh, my God.

You're gonna get glimpses of that. But what happens is your logical mind is going to come in. So I just did a podcast with Susan Hyatt, and I believe she. I'm gonna kind of sloppily quote her. And she was talking about how the yes comes in like a feeling and like a jolt of energy and excitement in a floating feeling, in a vibrancy in your body, in a lightness, in an energized feeling. And this often happened. Like, I. This is what yes feels like for me. Energy feels a lightness. It feels spacious. And then what happens is, my logical mind comes in and writes a paragraph about, does this look right? Is this really what I want? How should this feel? Does. Is this really logical on paper? So your higher self speaks typically in feelings, and your lower self speaks in paragraphs. I just thought that was, like, the best analogy because it's so true. It's just so true. Okay, so I want to read you a quote that I've just so resonated with. And it. It's literally comes from the place that all of the most brilliant wisdom comes from, and that is memes on Instagram. Come on, you know it's true. So I don't know who said this quote, but my friend Alexi Panos had it up on her page, and I was like. Like, oh, my God. No truer quote for me has ever been said right now. So props to the person who wrote this meme. I don't know who it is, but it says a plane can't land until the coast is clear. Some of our blessings are stuck in the air because of our environment. Too much mess on the landing strip, you guys. The blessings can't land if your environment is a shit show. So look at the way that you are living and what you are saying yes to. And it's showing the bigger blessing that you're not prepared yet. Like, you won't even know how to have a boundary for this thing that's trying to come in and be permanent in your life so it can't make its way down there. So many of the blessings that I've had in my life, they. They're not singular events. They change you, they require a next level version of you. They require space, they require time, they require a commitment. Like, so many people want to wake up and be like, oh my God, I got 50,000 new people on Instagram, or I got 2,000 new people on my program. This just caught fire. Except what they don't see on the other side. This has actually happened to many of my friends and it's happened in some of our stuff. What you don't understand is that your life dramatically changes when that happens. So let's just say you wake up and it happens on Instagram. Guess what else happens? You wake up to an influx of dms and they're not nice dms. Half of them are nice, half of them are brand new people who have an opinion. Because these aren't necessarily the people that you wanted to talk to. Maybe something caught fire and it was like, it just went out to the masses, right? So guess what's going to happen? It's not necessarily the people who resonate with your message or care about your message. It was just a ton of eyes all at once. So are you ready? Are you ready for what's coming? Or right now, when somebody DMs you, something rude, do you react? Do you freak out? Do you take it personal all day? Do you feel like you can't go on with your week? Do you crumble? So how you're responding to the one is showing you how you would respond to all. And I'm telling you, you're never given what you cannot handle. So if God knows or universe knows or whatever you believe knows that you can't even handle the one, you're not going to get the blessing of the thousands or whatever that looks like, the hundreds, the thousands, the millions, because you can't handle the one. So with that said, where in your life could you start making room? Could you start detaching from opinions? Could you start. Start drawing boundaries in your life so that you're ready? So talking about programs, right, like, let's just say you put out an E course and you're like, I'm ready. I'm so ready for this thing to, like go viral or, you know, for so many people to join this course. What happens is when that happens, do you have time? Are you ready to Hire those people. Do you have enough attention for these people? Are you ready to go to that level of commitment that it's going to take to actually, actually take care of all of these people via customer service and show up and serve and teach them all the things that they need to know? What does that look like for you? Do you even have space in your life? Could you even handle that? Make the space and become the person who would be able to make those decisions on the fly, Be able to hire those people on the fly, Be able to handle, if you hire people that aren't the right fit and be able to also let go easily and quickly and fire those people. Who do you need to become in order for that massive blessing to land right? And it's not about needing the staff right now. It's not about having those people in your life. It's could you be a person who could be. Who could create solutions fast enough? Could you be that resourceful person? Are you that person now? If you're not resourceful now, what are you going to do to show the universe that you could ever be resourceful when the blessing comes in? Because guess what? You ain't never ready for the blessing blessing. You just have to be the person who could be resourceful enough to morph into the person who could be, right? You have to let your old identity die. So where in your life can you see that if you got that blessing and all of the like, the blessing, we should really talk about blessings because it's. It's the yin and the Yang with the beautiful lightness that comes in with a blessing. There's an equal amount of darkness in some way. And that's not a bad. You guys, darkness is not a bad thing. Like the negative is not a bad thing. It's always an equal thing that helps you have contrast in your life so you can actually see the light. Because without the dark, there is no light. So what you need to know is that there's always something that you will be working through. So with an influx of people, comes an influx of responsibility, right? Comes an influx of you needing help, comes an influx of you needing to ask, comes an influx of your time. So an understanding maybe how to balance and it all balances back out. But there will be this influx period where there is a spike, there is a spike in energy, there's a spike in stress, there's a spike in different things that you now have to find the balance of this new life within this new blessing. So some of the things that you can look at as far as. Is your Runway too crowded when you have time, or if you're in your car, if you can name it off the top of your head. Ideally, this would be awesome for you guys to write down what is something that you're saying yes to and doing that's making you feel resentful or stressed or taking up too much space. So really look at the one to three that are really taking up the most space in your week. So what's going on every single day or every single week that's taking up a lot of space that you don't want to be doing. So these are things, we call them in this house, low hanging fruit. Like things you actually could get rid of. But maybe you have an emotional, emotional tie to them. So then ask yourself, this is like a real, like get real time, come to Jesus moment. Why am I continuing to do these things? Is it out of oblig? Because I feel obligated and it's not actually a real obligation. Because I'm afraid that someone won't love me or because I'm afraid that I'll be abandoned by this person or I'm afraid that they'll talk bad about me. I am afraid that I'll get a bad reputation. Okay, so this is where you have to accept what feels unacceptable to you. Yep, I know it sounds terrible. This is where you have to accept the incompletes. So you need to sit with if you say no to this person you need to sit with. What happens if you say no to the thing you need to sit with? What happens when you have the loving conversation around not doing the thing that goes against your soul anymore? Because that thing is just one of the things that is sending smoke signals to your blessing saying can't land yet. I can't even say no to this because I'm afraid of X. So sit with and accept the unacceptable and get okay with disappointing other people and know that that is their journey. It's their journey to be disappointed with you. And it's your journey to let it be okay if you did it a loving way. I can't say this enough. I could literally do a podcast on this every single day until the day that I die. Because this is the main question that I get. How do you be okay? Here's how you be okay. You decide. You decide that your life and space and making room for what your true purpose, your God given purpose is. And you decide that that is more important than someone's opinion that eventually is going to be healed. Go away. But we're just so stuck in not wanting to feel that initial pain that we actually live in the familiar pain. Stop choosing familiar pain because it's familiar and just let it be okay to disappoint. Accept the other pain and make space. Oh, my God. Do you know what space feels like? It feels like freedom. It feels like hearing yourself again. It feels like living in your purpose. It feels like vitality. It feels like being fully alive. It feels like being fully alive. So something that I talked about, I was just at a friend of mine's Mastermind doing Q and A for like two and a half hours. It was actually the most amazing afternoon I've had in a really long time. And one of the things that I had one of the couples in there do was to see, sit and like, really accept, like, worst case scenario of having boundaries and saying no and making room for what they need and delegating different things in their life and like, really being in the pain and accepting the emotion of disappointing people and letting that be okay and choosing it. So whenever you start to feel bad again, you have to commit to thinking about why you did it and how important your purpose is and how important your legacy moving forward is and how important it is to protect, protect your dharma. How important it is to move forward and make room for the people who support you no matter what. And let it be okay that maybe you lost a friendship or you lost an employee or you're disappointing a sibling because in the end it's all going to be okay. And so sitting with that and being in that pain that you're oh, so afraid of and then actually pulling the trigger and doing the thing that you need to do and realizing. Realizing it probably wasn't that bad at all in the first place. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it's scary. But this is what people living their dreams do. If you really want to know. You guys, we deal with the pain head on. We face it because we know that the long term familiar pain is way worse than just choosing that quick shot of pain, getting it over with and realizing it wasn't that bad to begin with. And you get more and more used to that the more you do it. It's just not your norm right now is all. You're like, oh, my God, it feels awful.

It feels awful.

It's the worst I've ever done. And then you do it. You're like, why didn't I do that sooner? Oh, my God, like, just spit it out already. Say what you need to say and set that boundary so here's what you're doing. When you're saying yes to all of those things, though. You're literally deciding that you're accepting your life this lifetime, which may be the only one that you will not live fully alive. So every time you say yes, you're saying, you know what? I'm choosing just to survive and I'm choosing just to, you know, be here today. But you're not choosing to live fully alive in this lifetime or know what that really means or feels like. So can you choose to feel really alive? Can you choose to do the things to protect your real purpose and why you're truly here and let that plane land? Can you clear the Runway? Can you do it? Here's what I know. I know that you can. It's just, are you willing to face that initial quick pain, to live that life of purpose fully alive and feel what it feels like to be free, to have peace?

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Oh my God. There is no price that you can put on peace and we are just built. God was no dummy. You guys or whatever you believe we were just built. That until you live your purpose you are not going to feel peaceful. And that was meant for you to continue seeking, to continue setting the boundaries, to continue making room, to continue on on the path that gives you vitality, energy in life. So if you're trying to make someone love you, if you're trying to fit in somewhere where the energy's just not aligning, if you're trying to. If you feel like you have to stay in a box in order to be loved or in order to not rock the boat, that is not living in your purpose. And that's why you're not feeling peaceful and that's why you are in pain. It's supposed to be a wake up call, right? It's a wake up call to stop touching the hot stove, right? You're not supposed to continue going back because it's going to continue to bring you anxiety. So follow the energy. Do the thing that you need to do. Stop letting it eat you alive, stop choosing to live half alive and start running straight for that thing that you need to do. Face it, Face the pain, face the disappointment, face the falling out of that relationship. The that truly you didn't really want in the first place anymore. So if you lose it, did you actually want to continue resuscitating a relationship that is no longer available in the form that you desire it? I'm talking to myself today. So I'm sending you so much love because in this lifetime I know that I am here to not only follow my path path and to really follow my path at all costs, but to help other people follow their path at all costs. Because ultimately you become the magnet when you do that for all of the people and the things and callings that you are meant to be doing. So you guys, if you love this episode and you know somebody who needs it, who's just stuck in that fear of facing the pain of setting the boundary or saying no or losing that relationship relationship, send them this. Because it's just a mental prison, you guys. And there's no reason for us to have to be there when we can be fully supported on the other side and all of the right people will show up when we make room on the Runway. There's just no room for the new people yet. There's no room. There's if you have all the drama from the old people, there's no room for those new people because those new people who support you don't want to be around that. So this wasn't the quickest quickie, guys, but I'm so grateful for all of you and as always, if this impacts you at all, please leave a Review Subscribe Share this Share this on Instagram do whatever feels aligned for you to get this message out and share it. Because truly you are the people who are getting this podcast out and that means the world to me. So I'm sending you so much love. And until next time, earn your happy everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the Earn your Happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.