363: Don’t Feed Your Fraud

If I'm bored, it's on me. If I don't feel love and gratitude, it's because I'm not giving enough love and gratitude. If I'm not giving back enough, I start to feel sorry for myself because I get into my own story. I get into my too much. Into my own life.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur, entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you.

Bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time for inspiration and some exciting stuff coming up is that I really want to get more interactive with my podcast audience because you guys are like exactly my type of people. I figure if you are willing to sit on a podcast for 15 to 60 minutes and listen to all the different topics that we chat about that I absolutely, absolutely want to be engaging with you, you, the exact listener, a lot more. So stay tuned for some fun stuff. We're going to do some really cool giveaways. I'm going to have some cool opportunities for you guys coming up. You just totally heard my up north, which is what we say in the Midwest for anything that's in the northern middle of the country, we just call it up north North. And if you have an accent, it's up north. So anyway, I literally cannot wait to share some of the things that we're doing. I don't have the cherry on the top yet. So we're still going back and forth. So within the next couple of weeks, you'll start hearing some really cool giveaways and fun stuff like that. So you already know that if you listen to the podcast with Evans and I called questionably awesome, you know that we give away a T shirt or a mug or some other swag for the review of the week and we also shout you out for our questions. So for when you send us questions that you want to hear. And you guys, that podcast is for people who like ridiculousness. If that is not you it's not your podcast. If it is, you join us over there, because it is. I literally added that podcast because I needed an outlet in a place to portray my full spectrum of my personality. And if any of you are listening to this, who have a business, who feel like you are not dipping into the full spectrum of who you are, you absolutely have opportunity within your life and your business right now. It's just up to you to start thinking more outside of the box and creatively. I was like, yes, my podcast is for this and this and this, but why can't it be this as well if I add a show? So I now have a place where I get to be fully me. And you know, I'm loving it. It's probably one of my favorite episodes that I record all week. So, you guys, today I want to share a little bit about really talking about that, the duality of the light and the dark that we all have inside of us and how important it is to accept both and know that we are so incredibly human. And I was reading in the book, I know you're all gonna ask me, so I, off and on, have been reading from this book over like the last like four months. It's one of those that you can just pick up and read a page or two because you really are going through like daily lessons. So this one is called the Lotus and the Lily and it is by Janet Conn, and it's a 30 day soul program. Access the wisdom of Buddha and Jesus to nourish your beautiful, abundant life. And one of this is on page 90 of her book. One of the things that she talks about, I love this. She says, step one of forgiveness is to stop feeding your anger. Whether this is forgiving you or someone else. She goes on to write, picture your thoughts as blood that feeds your anger like blood vessels feed a tumor. Stop feeding it. Stop talking about what happens. Stop obsessing about it. There's a famous Native American wisdom tale. A child was mean to a friend and ran to his grandfather to confess. The grandfather said, there are two wolves fighting inside of you. One is mean and greedy and the other is peaceful and generous. The child asked which one would win. The elder said, the one you feed. So I loved this passage from her book because it's so basic and so true and it's something that I always talk about on here. But it's just such a beautiful tale of. It's not that that wolf is going away, right? The one that's darkness or the one that is mean, or the One that is not wanting to forgive you or forgive that other person or forgive your ex or forgive your mother or forgive your mother in law. They're always there, right? That, that mean wolf is always there. But you can absolutely starve it so that it stays tame, it stays quiet, so that it stays muted. And when it does come back up, right, when it does come up and it wants to rear its ugly head, you can absolutely starve that thought. You can let go. You can decide to completely forgive that person. And here's the deal. Some of you are like, I am not ready to forgive. Why would I ever forgive someone for what they did? Why would I ever, ever forgive them for their wrongdoings? That was horrible. They're a horrible person. We all know that. Forgiveness. No, no, we don't all know this, right? So I don't want to say that. Forgiveness is about you and letting yourself off the hook. Forgiveness is about you in freeing yourself. Something she goes on to say in this book is to free your prisoners. Free your prisoners. Who are you holding captive? Who are you monitoring all the time? Who do you still feed to keep them alive and keep them miserable? Because technically that's your prison, right? You are the guard of that prison, which means they are always there. You're always having to feed them, you're always having to watch over them. You're always take. They're taking up so much space. So when we let them go and when we cut off the food supply, that's when you really have room for all of the beauty in your life. You don't have to really look at that as a job that you have. And that's what, what we're doing when we hold these prisoners captive is we think it's our job to keep them captive. And that is something that takes up so much. I don't know about you, but if you have more than one job in a day, you're exhausted. So for me, I had to let everyone go and bless them as they left. And something that really helps is to know that we are all on our own paths. And it's so important to understand we all have different perspectives and we're all telling different stories from different angles. We may never know the why, we may never know that, you know, something that we did completely threw someone into a frenzy of being upset about, something that we never, ever know that we hit on or that we offended them. And that's okay. It's that always making peace. And I talk about this on the podcast all the time. You guys making Peace with what feels unacceptable, right? Making peace with what doesn't feel peaceful. Making peace with the incomplete loops. Making peace with the thing that you feel you can't let go of. Because that making peace with that is the only way that you will find peace. Letting it be okay that maybe you've offended someone, Letting it be okay that they have offended you. Bless them, release and move on with your path. But you guys, there's so many different ways to do this. And to be honest, this book is really, really awesome for moving through forgiveness, giving you so many exercises. And I keep on picking it up, but today I just had a little soul hit that maybe there's some people out there who definitely are ready to forgive, make space and move on. And this is great book to do that. Really starting on that page 80 to 90. It goes on for quite a few chapters of doing some daily exercises to release your prisoners. And I just love that. So looking at going in a also going down the path of what are you feeding? I really want to talk about. You know, so many of you talk about how you feel like you have a fraud complex or you're not yet that person who you see in your mind and when you act like them or when you put put out material like them, or when you really step into it, that it doesn't feel like who you are fully, or you feel like you're a fraud, or you feel like people are going to think you're a fraud because you're not fully that person yet. And you have to look at what vision you are feeding because if you're feeding the fraud, you're going to feel like a fraud. If you're feeding the vision of where you're going and you're doing those actions, action is the only way to shift identity. You don't think yourself into that person, you start acting like that person, right? If you want to change your body, like if we want to take this right down to the physical, if you want to change your body and become that fit, healthy person, you have to take the actions until you start waking up and you are that person, right? If you want the new habit, you're not necessarily going to have the habit while you're taking all of those actions. But one day you're going to wake up and be like, wow, this is pretty locked in. Like, I don't really have to think about this anymore. So the path to getting there and being the person who is doing that is through action. And you're either feeding the vision and feeding the hope and feeding the fact that you're doing the things and acknowledging it and saying, I'm so proud of you. This is how you take the action to become the person, then that is the vision that will be. What are you feeding? If any of your thoughts are feeding your prisoners, right? If any of your thoughts are feeding the old stories or why you can't. If you're hanging out with people who are feeding your prisoners, who are feeding those old stories, that is what will be. So you have to take some drastic measures in your life in order to start making sure those other visions will come true. The higher visions, the. The visions that make you feel good, that make you know where you're going. And this is not easy because those other visions start to get hungry. They start to reach out, they start to tap you on the shoulder. Those other people start to say mean things to you. They start to yell at you. They start to get mad at you for starving them. And there is a point where it is really hard. It is really, really, really, really hard to decide what you want to feed. But if you know the outcome is that what you feed is what will be, what you feed is what will grow. What you feed is where you will go. You have so in your brain, you have to say, oh, my God, I'm feeding this right now. Don't beat yourself up. Here's the. Here's where people get stuck, is when they notice they're feeding their prisoners or they notice they're feeding their fear. And they say, I'm doing it again. Oh, my God, I suck at this. There's no time for that. Ain't nobody got time for that. You have to say, that's okay. It's okay. Acknowledge it. Forgive yourself. Give yourself some love around it. Say, that's so normal. This is old programming. You feel scared because that's familiar. It feels easy. Easier to go back and feed your prisoners than it does to feed the vision because the vision is unfamiliar. So go ahead and start painting a picture like just a little Bob Ross. A little bit of love, a little bit of new, fresh paint onto that vision of where you want to go. Start small and just notice the transition from feeding the prisoners and feeding the old fears to feeding the new one. It doesn't feel normal at first, but keep painting it. See if you can add a little more color, a little more sunshine to where you want to go and just throw some love on the fact that you're a human and that no matter what, that other wolf, right, the dark wolf is inside of you.

And that's great.

They're there for contrast. They're there for appreciation. They're there for growth. Like, you're not a bad person. You're not a weak person. We all have it, you guys. I wake up with it every morning, and the dark wolf is like, I'm here. I'm here first. Feed me first. I came to the bowl first, and my other one, my peaceful one, my inspired one, is like, I'm still sleeping, so I have to wake it up. Like, I have to do the things that wake that other one up and starve. The one that's like, oh, feed me first because I'm hungry. I'm present. I'm here. I'm negative. I'm here to show you what you know, what you could lose and what could get taken away and. And who's against you. And I'm like, oh, my God, I cannot live this way. Are you kidding me? Like, okay, love you. Love that you're here. Love that you shed light on my two choices, which is so awesome that I have freedom to choose. But I'm not going to choose you today. And I'm so grateful for the contrast. So let me start working my way into the other person that I want to be. I swear it's every night, you guys. It's like I go to sleep and I get spiritual amnesia, and I forget who the f I am every single night. And I'm like, okay, who do you want to be today? How do you want to feel today? What do you want to feed today? What will shake up the energy and make your life different from yesterday? Right? If I'm bored, it's on me. If I don't feel love and gratitude, it's because I'm not giving enough love and gratitude. If I'm not giving back enough, I start to feel sorry for myself because I get into my own story. I get into my too much into my own life. I focus on what I don't have instead of giving what I do have and feeling so grateful and feeling so purposeful. So, you guys, I'm sending you so much love today, and I hope that this helps. Knowing that we have the darkness in us, and it's great, it's beautiful. But we don't have to feed it. It's important to see it, it' to have it. But what you feed is what will grow, and it's where you will go. So keep feeding the you inside of you so she or he gets bigger and bigger and bigger and can just recognize when you are throwing some treats to the old dark wolf. So yeah, I don't know we're talking about wolves today.

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So, you guys, thank you so much for always tuning in and if you loved this episode, it really, really, really, really, really means the world to me when you guys share it, when you share your takeaways, when you share it with a friend. Because to be quite honest with you, my podcast is one of my favorite things I do. And as this grows, I can give it more time, I can give it more love because it can take over all of the other things that I'm doing and I can spend some more time on it. So if you guys would share this, this, if you guys would rate and review it, that's really where this podcast grows and I appreciate it and I can't do without you. So here I am, asking, hoping that you see something in your life that you can unapologetically ask for because it is your passion and you are meant to do it. And we all need help. We don't do this alone, you guys. I have such an army of people who help me, but it's only because I had to help myself first and I had to ask. So, so hope that you're always learning from exactly what I'm doing because you can do exactly what I'm doing if you want to. That's all over and out. Signing off. Love you guys. Bye bye.

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