371: Questionably Awesome – Your Burning Questions Answered

What actually feels good for me today to do, like, who am I today? Because I'm not the same person I was yesterday. And maybe that same workout that I thought identified me is no longer what feels right for me.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Oh, good morning, Evans.

Good morning, Lori. Happy Thursday.

Oh, happy Thursday. There's a little rain outside and if you guys, if you want to hear something crazy.

Yes.

Did I wake up literally five minutes ago?

You did. I brought you breakfast in bed.

You guys.

That would be nice.

Chris set the alarm for a different time this morning because we decided last night we weren't gonna go to SoulCycle for a little extra time today.

Yeah.

And so I just assumed we would have the alarm at the normal time, which is 6:45. So one snooze cycle went by and I'm like, oh, I gotta get up. I'm like, chris, what time is it? He's like, it's 7:37. Well, Evans and I start recording at 7:30. So I was seven minutes late. So I'm sitting here right now with that shot of adrenaline that you get when you're like.

Yeah, like when I wait for something. God, I'm late.

So I run downstairs frazzled, and I open the door and she's sitting or she's standing at the door.

Yeah, I'm standing there. Just standing there singing.

And you singing in the rain.

Because it's raining today, which never happens. It's raining.

It never rains here.

It's a sign of good fortune.

Do you like the rain?

You know, I do like a rainy day every once in a while. It's very cozy.

How about a rainy night?

Oh, rainy night.

Yeah, that's nice too, because I love a rainy night. Never feel like you might be getting queued up for a song.

Yeah. Was that what that was?

I really wanted to know, but I wanted to see most of all if you'd sing that.

I liked it.

Do you have a quote?

Yeah, actually, it's from yoga last night.

Oh, my God. You went to yoga last night?

Yeah, and it was real good.

Was JD there?

JD was not there.

Was JC there?

JC Shotset from NSync was there?

No. That would be cool, though.

But you guys, this teacher, Danielle at sweat yoga is the bomb diggity. When you're feeling bad about stuff, just go to her class and she just brings the heat. It's awesome.

Literally. Literally and figuratively bringing the heat.

She really brings the heat.

So tell me why. Like, tell me. Take me through a little bit of Danielle's class.

Well, she's very. Her practices are always more soulful, so she's like, stop taking this so dang seriously. Because everyone in class can be like, I'm gonna do handstands. And just everything's perfect. And she's like, you guys know this is just a class, right? Like, chill. So last night she was like, stop being so hard on yourself. And then what is. You know when you're like, picking on your brother or something and your mom's like, leave your brother alone.

Yeah.

You know, she was like, leave yourself alone.

Oh, isn't that great?

And I liked that. Leave yourself alone.

That's really good. Because I'm kind of picking on myself right now, like, talk this weekend, and I'm just.

Yeah.

Hearing the chatter of, like, you've done so many talks. Why are you still freaking out? Or why are you still having trouble preparing? Like, all of these things that go through your head. That just takes so. It's so exhausting.

Yeah. Just leave yourself alone.

What are you picking on yourself about?

Probably a lot of body stuff right now. Just. Cause I'm trying on wedding dresses this weekend. I'm like, oh, I have to look like this. No, you don't.

I don't mean to laugh, but I so get it.

It's so stupid.

You're trying on wedding dresses. Oh, my God. Where?

In the great state of Indiana.

You are. How cool.

Super random.

Yeah.

I'm going to meet Adam's family. My mom's going to be there.

Oh, that'll be so much fun. Do you know what you want your dress to look like?

I have no clue.

Not at all.

No. I don't even. I haven't even been looking online. All my friends are like, don't you have a Pinterest board?

No. Oh, I just got stressed out because I don't have any time to look at dresses and send them to you.

It's okay. I'll send You.

That's my thing.

I know.

It's a real thing for me to be like, how about this style?

Or this style?

And you're like, thank God she's busy this weekend. I just have no clue why do it. I mean, it's. It's only like. It's just a dress, but at the same time, it's the dress.

I know you want to feel your best.

You just want to feel so good.

But they also have Spanx for everything. I love.

You don't need spanx. P.S.

Lori, every woman needs Spanx.

Every woman just doesn't move, is smooths you out. So I did my first Spanx purchase a while back. I think we talked about it.

Yes.

And when I put them on, though, because my dress was white, like, you could see them. So it was the kind of material that I was like, oh, I'll need Spanx. I think I needed a full body suit.

Like a scuba diving suit.

Yes, literally. Like, I think I needed a full body. Literally, I needed a full body suit for this one. And, yeah, it didn't cut it. Yeah, so.

So you just went free.

I don't know. Do you really want to feel that constricted on your wedding day? Because they're tight.

Yeah. I mean, just play it by ear.

I love. I love me some Spanx, but sometimes you want to feel easy breezy down there.

Yeah. Like a little fan. Now you do.

You're. Especially if you're in the South. Like, you're gonna want to clip a fan under there. You're gonna want to just loosen everything up. Loosen it. Do yoga first. Yeah, we're gonna just change the topic.

What's your quote?

My quote? Well, someone sent this to me. They were like, hey, you might want to use this for your quote of the day. And I was like, maybe I won't. And then I was like, that's good. I probably do. I will.

I will.

Wait. That's her Southern accent. Okay, so J R. Romera sent this to me. Sorry. It has two Rs in it. That's why it's like J R R O M E R A. And she was like, you might want to use this. And it's from the good quote. And it says, when you doubt your power, you give your power to your doubt.

I like that a lot.

I'm doubting my power right now.

Don't doubt your power.

I'm handing my power on a platter to my doubt.

Let's get that platter back right now and give it to your power.

Frustration Station.

Yeah. Lori, I'm telling you right now, you got this.

I got this. And you know, I really do at this point. Like, I go in these phases where I'm like, whatever happens is totally fine. It doesn't matter. I accept all things. And I. And I do. And I'm like, yeah, it just. In the grand scheme, I'm just there to, like, it's not about me. I'm there to serve, blah, blah, blah. And then, yeah, you'll have this moment.

Where you're like, ah, well, it's very intimidating, what you're doing.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

Yeah. Evans. Because I Woke up now 10 minutes ago.

Hey, do you want to hear a really good review?

Did you do your quote? Yeah.

Remember I said, leave yourself alone?

That's such a good quote. Sorry. It seemed like a topic for me. You guys, for real. She's like, do you want to come back and do this podcast? I was like, no, I like it.

It's very. It's. It's fresh.

It's super fresh. I feel like an entire bakery right now.

I like Fresh Baked Goods.

Oh, my God. Fresh Baked Goods. That was the name of my first boyfriend's band.

Are you serious? I did not think you were going to say that.

That's the trash. Baked Goods. Yeah.

Okay. I don't know where he is now, but I really wish he was still playing.

I know.

That is a great name.

Yep, it is a great name. It's Fresh Baked Goods. All right, let's hear that review of the week. Okay.

It's really nice.

It's.

It says, are you ever gonna pick.

Like, a really mean, really mean one?

No. This is from Live for Santos. Santos Ha.

Live for Santa Claus.

Live for Santa Claus.

Just kidding. Live for Santos Ha.

And they say, thank you, Lori and Evans. You have helped me feel connected, have helped me find my voice and offer me joy and a personal journey to self worth.

Oh, my.

Is that.

How did we do that?

I'm like, I think you have the wrong person.

She's like, I've actually been listening to a totally different podcast and accidentally left this review.

Confuse this.

I love that we're gonna send you something amazing.

Yeah.

It's gonna blow your mind.

A unicorn.

Well, something like that for sure. You're going to picture a unicorn when you get the package in the mail.

Yes, you are.

So send that on over. Send over your address is what I meant.

Yeah.

Wow. Brain not functioning yet, Evans, because it's.

Thursday morning and it's raining in California, which never happens, everyone.

Never, ever Happens. And it's really raining. Like, there are rivers on the streets.

That's why I think it's a sign of good, good fortune right now.

If I was a child in California, I'd probably get my Barbies out and, like, a Barbie canoe or something, and I'd put it in that river right there that I can. And make them play. Yeah.

Yeah, I would do that, too.

Do we have a question?

Yeah, we have a lot of good ones.

Okay, I'm ready for you to answer them.

Okay, this one is from CBello4410. How do you get over your feel? Your feel your fear of failing?

How do you get over your fear of failing? Well, this is great, because we're talking about it today.

That's what I thought.

Well, for you in your yoga class, that was some amazing wisdom of you guys. This is just a class. And whether it's just a class or it's just a talk or it's just a thing, at the end of the day, it's not the end of the world. And it's just this moment in time. I'm educating myself right now. I'm literally coaching myself. How do you get over your fear? It's really just a moment in time. And you're a human, and it's okay. And you're just gonna do your best. And your best isn't gonna be your ultimate best. Cause we're always evolving. So, like, your best is just the best that you can possibly do right now. So how do you get over your fear? You have to give yourself the grace to fail or to not be awesome. And I realize why I'm nervous about this weekend.

Why?

Cause I'm comparing myself to the other people on stage. Like, I'm comparing myself to. I know there's gonna be one of my favorite speakers there. So I'm just, like, comparing myself to the way that she speaks. And it's not the same style, nor am I the type of speaker who puts in, you know, hundreds of hours on one talk. It's not how I actually do a talk. So if I want to do that type of talk, then I need to put in that time to have that type of talk. And I'm not willing to do that because it's not my style, nor do I have the time for it. And so I think you have to let yourself off the hook and really be like, I'm a beginner, or I'm doing this or I'm doing that. Not that I'm a beginner speaker, but I'M saying, like, you're at a different phase or for when I am doing something that's beginning. It's like I'm a beginner or. Right. Give yourself grace.

Give yourself grace. And you're Lori. So you're. You've got your Lori style talk on there.

My Lori style talk.

And I think that's wonderful and so do so many other people.

Thank you for that.

You're welcome.

How about you? Getting over fear? How do you get over your fear?

I think that you probably don't. Excuse me. Ever. And it's good thing that if. If you've still got that, that means you care.

Yeah. I don't think you ever do. Yeah.

It's just part of being human. But don't let it cripple you.

You just do it. Yeah. You show up with fear. It's what it. I think that people out there who have a lot of fear or who aren't acting. Use your words, Lori.

I am a robot.

A kit.

Your. It.

It's crazy how my neurons are starting to connect. I think what stops people is they think everyone's comfortable and everyone's good at something, and everyone's great at launching courses or doing the thing or speaking in public or.

Yeah.

Like social butterflies. Everybody's fricking weird and scared. They just are like, we're all just a bunch of kids walking around trying to pretend to be adults. And it's.

It is so ridiculous.

It's dumb. Like, we need to get those collars that are. You know those signs that are digital on top of taxi cabs?

Yeah.

We all need to wear thick collars that put in how we feel that morning. Oh, yeah.

Just a little light.

Yeah, it just says in sentences like, woke up this morning, felt really stupid. And it'll just flash over and over and you won't see it. So as you start to feel better, it'll still, like, just remind the world, like, oh, she felt stupid this morning.

Yeah, I'm gonna be a little nicer to you.

A little bit nice. And. Or the guy will be like, I really don't have confidence, even though I'm trying really hard.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like, we. We should all just know, like, hey, I am barely making it through this day right now.

Right?

Like, just surviving. Dot, dot, dot, poop emoji.

Yeah. I just pooped my pants five minutes ago.

Totally.

Can you give me a little grace here? Exactly.

Need some extra grace. I had to spray the actual bathroom spray into the back of my pants, and it was cold and it hurt my Butt. It's not good for the skin. I might be having a reaction. Do you have Benadryl?

Let's get serious.

Have you ever used potpourri spray as perfume when you were little?

No, but my mom loves potpourri. Do people still use that? Because she's got bowls of dang potpourri everywhere.

You know, I think you can still get it at like a homegoods. Oh, she's in a bag.

She would. Anytime I'm going to someone's house, she's like, get them a bag of potpourri as a hostess. Give them like, mom, no one uses potpourri anymore.

Oh my God, we had so much potpourri.

Yes.

We had so much. I was like, do we. Why do we need this stink extra?

Right?

Because we've got bowls of random bark everywhere.

Scented bark. I don't understand.

Do you remember also, like, now it's.

It had.

Nothing's changed. We have essential oils now. It's all the same. We're gonna be like, oh my God, we bought everyone oil. Like there's gonna be a graveyard for oil. Oh, yeah, totally.

Yeah.

I hope so. I bought it for people, but at the same time, I'm like, do they like it as much as I do? There were these things. I feel like I've talked about it on this podcast before Pillars, they were. You would put it on a light bulb. Did I talk about this? It was like this, like a. It was like a wire and it had a rose at the top. But the rose was like made of something that obviously wouldn't catch on fire when you put it on a light bulb.

Yeah.

And so you would put oil on the flower and you'd turn. When you turn the light bulb on, it would heat up and send up your room.

What?

Yeah. So it was weird.

It was from the 80s stuff in Michigan.

I know. So we had roses on our light bulbs, which I have no idea why they made them pretty because you had a freaking lampshade on. But I would. I like, acted like it was my job to put the oil on this rose. Oh, I bet you felt really special.

Putting it on there.

I've been wanting to set the mood since I was a child. I've been wanting to create spaces for people since I was a child. I was like.

And you have been.

I. I have. I really. I will take credit for that.

You do a good job.

But I'm gonna have to find me some light bulb roses.

Cuz I feel like I'm out there sells it.

Nobody really has lamps. Anymore in there? Well, I have lamps in different parts of. But now you have usually lighting in your living room.

Yeah, that's true.

Depends on where you live. Midwest. You still have a lot of lamps in your house?

Yeah, my mom has a ton of lamps. She's all about some lamps.

Yeah, I love lamp.

Me too.

All right, what's that? What's that cue?

Oh, we got another.

Might come up with an answer that.

You'Re going to love.

Let's see. This is a good one from Catspiration 7.

Oh, my God. Catspiration.

How do you turn your stress into joy? That's a tricky one.

I have a transmuting machine. Transmutation machine. Like, you talk into this box, and you're like, I'm angry, ain't I?

And then you're like, I feel great.

And on the other end. Yes. It transforms your voice. I'm very Julius.

I love this day.

And you're like, that's not what I said. But that's what's coming out, right? Yeah. You want to try it? I'm really not happy. Oh, I'm so extremely joyful today. I can't. I can't. All right, how do you.

How do you do it, Lori?

How do you do it? Well, it's baby, baby, baby steps, because so many people are like, think positively, do this, do that. If I don't combine thinking positive with changing my environment and changing my state and moving my body, I'm probably gonna be in that funk. So it's why I have to go work out in the morning. It's why I have to do it. It's why I've had to do it basically my whole life. Like, there will be a shifting point for my body when I start to feel better. At least moving, at least walking around or changing my environment is gonna be huge for that. So, yes, I highly suggest if you're that person who's really stressed out, that you use. One of the biggest ways to help with stress is to make sure you're exercising. And I don't mean like a crazy workout. I mean, just a really nice walk for over 20 minutes is gon change your state. Even 10 minutes will change it. But there is a point where I notice there's a sweet spot with moving your body where you do start to release different things in your body after about 20 minutes. So for me, it's like, yeah, some days I'm really stressed out until my walk in the evening. Even if I did kind of work out, it really helps it in the morning. But then I'm like, I'm going for a walk again. So I move a lot because I do believe as human beings, we are meant to be moving a lot. If you think back to how we were created, like, we were constantly. We had so much to do, we had so much housework to do. We had things to build, we had crops together, we had children to take care of. Like, you weren't sitting.

Heck no.

So because energy has to move, you're again like a river. Not a pond, Evans.

Not a pond.

Not a pond.

So keep it flowing.

Yeah, don't. Don't be a Ponzi scheme.

Yeah, no Ponzi here.

No, I'm saying, how's that so for you? Do tell me.

Oh, yeah, I totally agree. You know, I love some walks and that's why I love George, my dog.

Just their dog.

Yeah.

George is her walking partner who comes to her door every day.

Like, hello, George.

Six o'.

Clock, we meet again.

Hello, Evans. Let's go for this walk.

He's a little man.

Take my hand. We should walk to our happiness. I don't know what accent that is. It's George's accent. It's George. It's his own accent. Yeah, like he's from his own planet.

That's right. Comes and meet me and we go on these walks and then walk about her.

Let's go on a walkabout now. He's Australian. And your. Your future husband doesn't mind at all?

No, he loves it.

He loves.

He encourages.

Like, go on the walkabout. Get out of here. So does he know that about you? Does he know that you feel like you're like, I secretly might not like you right now and I need to walk?

Yes, totally.

And he's fine with it.

He's totally fine. He's like, I don't understand. Like, where did you come from? How do you not. How do you act so nice all the time? It's real weird.

You found your match.

I think I did.

You found Yang. You're yin, Yang and yang. Yeah, found him.

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Okay, so we can do one more question.

Okay, let's do one more. I think we're gonna do this one.

That says that one. Sounds great.

Doesn't it sound great?

Soup du jour Sounds amazing.

I'll have that. This is from 0729. How do you find yourself again and truly know what that person to be who you are? Wow, this is a hard one.

Oh, See, part of my talks on this. So I'm in this zone right now. Oh, perfect. So I like this. Throw it at me. Got my catcher's mitt on. Okay. Okay. So. So I feel crazy right now. Coffee's kicking into the veins. All right, so I. In my book, I wrote all about being authentic, because being authentic is just being you. So the root. The Latin root word of authentic is author. And there's this woman named Nina Burrows who writes a lot about this. Like, how do I find myself? How do I find my authentic self? And with the root word being author, it's not about discovering who you are. You'll never do that. You will never discover who you are. Like, it's not about unveiling. It's literally about writing a new, like, that version of who you are that day. And you do that through really listening into what feels right. First of all, I do believe that there is a clearing away period in your life. Because I think that we as human beings, and it's not even necessarily as human beings. I think it's the time that we're living in. We're told we need things and we need to schedule things. And our schedules are so full. Our life is so full. We're wearing so many different titles and masks. Who we think that we are, that there's a stripping away period. Like, I'm constantly in the stripping away period because things just come into your house. You collect things, you collect titles, you collect these thoughts that you think that you are in your identity. So every single day, I am using no in order to clear space for me to be, like, what actually feels good for me today. To do. Like, who am I today? Because I'm not the same person I was yesterday. And maybe that same workout that I thought identified me is no longer what feels right for me. Right? Like, maybe all of a sudden someone who was a yoga person is like, you know what? Yoga's not working in my life anymore. So that identity as a huge yogi person is now no longer who I am. So I guess what I'm saying is that you are not ever going to be like, oh, this is the woman that I'm supposed to be right here. I think the woman that you're supposed to be is the woman who just listens in every day and does something that feels right to her. And it will add up to this amazing person that you're here to be. And you'll understand who you're here to help and you'll understand like, what makes you really happy. But we're really trying to put together a series of actions every day that make you happy. And those are going to be totally different than yesterday. Amen. It's like the willingness to not have to be the same person. Or here's the thing about. Even when we think, here's the woman I'm supposed to be and you have her in your mind and you have it projected and all of a sudden you're like, those things may not feel right to you. Like the really, really, really, like the person I thought I was supposed to be, this image of her is starting to become totally different to me. Like, it's not the same. Because I'm realizing those things that I thought would make me happy aren't actually, when they're in your life on the day to day, they're too much like, they don't make me happy. So I'm detaching from that being like, well, what is it then? So I'm trying to put together good days and also remembering like, wow, a lot of things that you need to make a happy person aren't fun. Like this weekend's talk. I'm not super having fun preparing for it at all.

You're stressed.

Oh my God. Yet I love public speaking. Like, I love it. Once I'm up there and once I'm done, it's the most fulfilling thing in the world. But the journey to it might be awful for me.

Right?

Yeah. And I'm questioning why.

Well, you just care a lot about it, so you're working really hard to make it the best it can be.

You know, And I just, can I. I'm like, I'm talking this out with you right now.

Okay, Talking.

So. And this will also go for. Hopefully she can see, like, becoming your authentic self or doing something you love is really freaking scary and not fun either.

Right.

But it's like I. I have so many people who are like, well, you know, it's about them and not you. I think you're making it about you is why you're nervous. I'm like, I'm really not. Like I am saying prayers and doing the meditations, but I Think there's still. For certain people, you're going to have a level of nerves and it's like just accepting that is huge. So I guess accepting every part of becoming your authentic self and accepting every part of your fricking crazy ass journey as a human, because it's all things. It's a. Chris and I were talking. It's a roller coaster.

It's like, it's.

Every day can be up and down, and then sometimes you get blessed with a week where it's like really level and you feel freaking awesome. But to be honest with you, every day is an up and down cycle. Instead of looking at as like a weekly cycle or a monthly cycle or a yearly cycle, like every day is kind of its own cycle.

That's right.

Yeah. So we're gonna cycle through and love it. It just so is. How about you?

Well, I just. That. That question made me think of Elizabeth Gilbert's talk on Just following. She's like, where's my passion? How do I find my passion? Everyone's wondering that. And she says to follow your curiosity. Yes. And I love that because it's like, okay, I'm gonna try this on. Maybe that didn't work. Try this. And that's just how I like to view things, because maybe I don't have. Oh, I don't know. Like, I want to be a veterinarian. You know how some people just know?

Yeah, I think we talked about that coming out of the womb. Like, my need to find the sheep.

The sheep farmer.

Yeah.

But some people don't. And that's okay. That's why you just keep on trying things that you're curious about.

Try it on. Try it on like a new shirt every day. Do it.

You're gonna learn something.

Yeah. Get out of your comfort zone. Try something new.

Yep.

Well, E. Crad. Well, Lori, we've had so many people send us just the coolest stuff about this podcast. Like, I just went down a vortex of this. Like, people sending me stories about how they are dying, laughing about how they're loving hearing their name, about how they, like when they answer questions about how they want to be sitting here having coffee with us. And to be honest with you, you guys all are. Because I'm picturing all of your faces whenever I see it now.

Yeah, Like, I would love to have coffee with all these great.

Maybe we will. Maybe we'll do a questionably awesome meetup someday. I would love to. That would be off the chisel.

It would be so.

Lit up. I don't know. So much coffee and coffee. I don't even use words like that.

Me neither.

That was fun. I tried it on. You know what? It's not the woman I am, but I like trying it on. I. My curiosity went there. Maybe we'll try it again. We'll see.

Yeah, maybe.

We don't know until we try. Multiple hundreds of times. So until our people tell us to stop trying. All right, you guys have the most amazing day. And until next time, Evans wants to give you a message.

You can do it every day.

You can.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a refreshment view if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us.

What you want to hear.

More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.