376: Change Your State and Age in Reverse with Natalie Jill

When I wrote my first book, I was in this place where I literally felt like I didn't love being around people. And I thought I was such an introvert. I was like, I'm. I used to tell you this, Lori. I was like, I'm an introvert. I don't. I like small conversations. I don't want groups. And I remember having a shift through my personal development work and realizing, no, I actually really like connection and I really like people, and I like connecting and thriving and talking to people.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we announce, anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Welcome back to the show.

I'm so excited to have my friend Natalie Jill on the show. She has been somebody in my life who has been a networker in my space. And when I say that, I mean that she has really gone out of her way to make me feel welcome, to connect with me, and also to connect me to people in her world that she loves. And as somebody who is somewhat more introverted, she has shown me the power of networking and connection and she's constantly sending me new people. She's constantly saying, you should go and meet this person. And as somebody who does have a personality like mine, this is one of the most powerful things that somebody can do for you, is remind you the importance of getting outside of your circle and pushing yourself and connecting with people who maybe you're nervous to connect with. So she's brought so many angels into my life and she's also been on the podcast before. It was an amazing conversation. So you guys go look up her previous conversation if you love this podcast because we dive right in on this one. So she, she, Natalie Jill is a fat loss expert turned high performance coach. She helps people across the globe reach their health, business and life goals by empowering them to level up and create everything from nothing. As a licensed master sports nutritionist, fat loss expert, and functional fitness trainer, she leverages the power of the Internet. And in a short amount of time, she was able to help hundreds of thousands of people worldwide get in shape and be their best selves. And I know so many of you on here follow her already, because I really don't know many people who aren't following her in the health and fitness space. So in the process, she created a globally recognized brand with well over 2.5 worldwide million people, and has been recognized by Forbes for two years running as one of the top health and wellness influencers in the world. She's frequently asked about her age, which she's 47 right now, and how she appears to be aging in reverse. You guys, this is the absolute truth. Every time I see her, I'm like, what are you doing? So this is 1 million percent true. And when you meet her and when you see her, you'll say the same thing. And that was a huge part of our conversation today. So Natalie is also the creator and host of the top ranking podcast, Leveling Up, Creating Everything from Nothing. And she has her new book out, Aging in Reverse, which I have linked up in the show notes. I think you're gonna love this conversation. Something that I absolutely love is she reminds me that age does not matter. It does not matter. And when we can take away the disempowering thought that, oh, we're getting older, or, oh, we're too young, we can do anything, and that truly we are just getting more and more powerful, more and more wise. And just listening to this conversation, because I'm telling you, it's one of the most beautiful things that we can do for ourselves, especially as women, is just get rid of that idea that aging is something that we don't want to do, because it is just making you better. So let's get started.

Natalie, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast for a second time.

Yes. Can't wait to chat with you.

Oh, my God. So I'm fighting more and more. Like, podcasts are the best way to catch up with friends, because I feel like I haven't seen you in a while anyway. Yeah. So where does that therapy.

I feel like they're therapy too, sometimes.

Oh, they're major therapy for me. Like, whenever I'm like, feeling disconnected or just like, oh, what should I be doing in life right now? I'm like, who should I talk to? Who should I book?

I love it.

Like a free session.

Yeah.

So I would love to, because you just came out with a new book, and I know that I feel like I've been kind of like, on the journey with you of writing your last. That we were kind of like, writing or putting stuff out at the same time or around the same time. And I would love to hear, just because I think everybody is, you know, who listens to our podcasts are people who want to be doing something in the world. They want to be having a side hustle. They want to write a book. They want to be doing something that they're feeling called to. So I know that for your last book, you were like, wow, this was a massive undertaking. When you were done writing, you're like, I don't know if this is the modality that I want to do this. So then you wrote another book.

I did.

Tell me about the journey.

What.

Tell me about the first experience and then how you, like, transformed. I'm sure you did with the second experience.

Totally. I love that question. And you know what's funny? I just was remembering as you're asking me that you were literally, like, with me on my book tour. Remember, you went to New York.

Yeah, totally.

Because you had not done yours yet. You were in the starts of it, and. Yeah, that's right. So you were right in the thick of it. So writing a book is super powerful. Whether you're doing it through a publisher on your own. I think everybody has something in them to get out. I think everybody has a voice that should be heard, and I think it's a great avenue to write a book now. The intentions behind it are what I always ask people now. Like, when someone says, I want to write a book, it's like, what's your intention? Because if your intention is to share with the world something that you're seeing, learning that you've mastered, I think it's amazing. And then you can look at how you want to do it. Self publish or publish, I will share just full transparency. My first book, even though I completely believed in what I was writing about, what I was sharing, the message, what I did wrong is I was super focused on my ego, Meaning I was writing the first book for an agenda. Like, I wanted to hit New York Times. I wanted to be a bestseller. Like, I literally was so focused on that that I was not being present to who I was helping and what was happening with the book. And I. I own that now, and I. And I see that. And the reason initially I didn't want to write another book was the stress around that. Like, because it's such a subjective thing when you're. When you're writing a book for an ego reason. So, you know, whenever our egos Take over. I feel like the universe has a way of checking us and that's exactly what happened to me. So I'm in a different space with this book.

I can, I already feel that and can tell that. And here's the craziest part though, is that those moments where, you know, looking backwards and you're like, oh my God. It's a humbling moment when you're like, wow, I had the wrong intention or wrote it for the wrong whatever it is because we've all been there before. But don't you feel like a lot of times even being able to, like, you want to be able to tell people, but don't you feel like that was such an important part of your journey to like, what did you learn from that? Why was that necessary for your journey?

You know, because I think ego comes up a lot. And here I had. My very first book was Seven Day Jumpstart. And I had originally written the first version of it, you know, years ago when I was going through my own struggles. And I wrote it originally as a self published ebook and it did fantastic. It helped so many people. It was awesome. But I wanted to reach more people. But I also wanted to be a best selling author. So there was a struggle there because I could have reached more people without publishing, you know, but I wanted to be a best selling author. You know, looking back on why I wanted that, that's an ego thing. I think a lot of times it's an ego thing. So. So I did that. And what I learned through that, which was really hard for me and my gosh, I've talked to so many friends that have been in the same journey, is that I was really stuck on New York Times. Like that was a big thing for me. And I remember my publisher even was like, all you're talking about is New York Times with this book. Like, what if you don't hit it? And it was like to me, I was like, of course I'm gonna hit it. That's not even an option. Like I had like a vision up with a picture of the COVID And I'll never forget that first week I sold so many books. I did everything in my power to sell books. And when it did not hit New York Times, I literally wanted to die. I was like, I was so. I couldn't believe how bummed out I was. And I went into this like depression around it and it took my husband. And I remember talking to you and Chris about it at the time when it was happening. I remember. And a lot of People reached out to me because they had. Some people had been there. And my husband came in to talk to me, and he's like, you know, I know you're super depressed about this for the last few days, but let me just show you the reviews you have around your book, like, how many people you've actually helped. And when I saw that, and I did flip a switch then, and it was like, oh, my gosh, yes, that's why I wrote this. It was to help more people. And that's where the focus always should have been. And I got in my head around it. So my calling for writing books and sharing information didn't go away, but I changed my motive and agenda with it.

I so feel that. I mean, I had the same exact thing. I had the same vision, I had the same desire. I don't know if it was, you know, looking back, I could write a book on why I felt I needed to. But that's what I want to talk about for people is, number one, not being ashamed of that initial character.

It.

But, like, how you transformed it and how you got out of that through looking at, okay, what's the actual thing that's gonna pull me through? But can you speak a little bit more into. Because here's what I want people to realize and also not be ashamed of, is that we all desire that validation. But what was it that you thought you were going to. Like when you pictured what New York Times was going to do for you? What was the feeling that you were hoping it was going to give, or what were you finally going to feel, or what? Why? Like, what was it for?

Yeah, so I don't know that I have a full answer for it, other than I've done a lot of reflection around it, because whenever ego comes up in my life, like, really comes up, there's usually a setback that follows. And then I learn. And I think a lot of people do struggle with it. And it goes back to, like, a childhood thing, I'm sure. Like, it's a sense of fitting in, being valid, being validated, you know, having people believe in you. And sometimes if you're in that pattern of that, which I definitely am guilty of many times when it's not working in your favor, it's like you've put your whole identity in that validation. So that's. To me, that's what was coming up for me. And I had. And really, that set me on a whole spiral of personal development. That was the start of really looking at personal development, because that I realized that was a problem like I can't live my life based on someone else's credential or approval of me. You know that doesn't and just because New York Times does or doesn't make me a best selling author doesn't mean my ideas and my program, my work doesn't help a lot of people. So it was unattaching to that. And really coming from a place of service versus Ego with the holidays and.

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Oh my God. I so I had to do so much work around it because I was like, what is this that is making me feel like if I do not get it, I can, I can honestly tell you it was really like I wanted to be accepted by a certain peer group for sure. Like maybe I'll be validated enough to finally hang out with you and you'll see me and that. Which is so funny because even with that like the book even more that I had written about Tribe, I'm like, oh, we need to make our own, like we need to just authentically create our own people that we feel so good about as well. You went on like a massive personal development journey over the past. I did it been a year. Two years.

Yeah, it's two years really. Two and a half years really. I went on a whole journey and it's been very eye opening for me and, and you know, once you have a pattern of something, you're going to fight it in your life. But awareness around it is what makes a difference. So what happens is instead of falling down the rabbit hole of a pattern, you start being aware of it and oh, this is what's coming up. And let me, let me shift that. So when I had the opportunity to write Aging in reverse and I can, I'll talk about what that came from really. But when I had the opportunity, it never even entered my head that I'm doing it for a best selling book. It really felt that I had stuff I wanted to share, I wanted to pour it out and the best way to do that was in this next book and getting it out there. And I've been on A mission getting it out there. But it's my mission of getting it out there is very different than my first time around with my book.

So in your mission of getting this message out there, which I just feel like is like you have. I thought you were freaking amazing before, but now I'm like, oh, my God. There's like a whole other. It's like a whole other layer revealed. So do you write about that? Did you write about perspective shift of all of that? So what's the main. What do you feel like is the main theme in this book? I know that you talk a lot about. Yeah, I know.

There's so many things that I want to say right now, but I'll tell you the first and foremost. To answer your question, the main theme of the book is changing your state. Because whether it's fat loss, business, your health, money, financial, whatever, relationship, your mindset, your change of state is critical. That has to be first. Because we've all become who we are right now, today, based on a series of thoughts and actions. So if we don't shift those, then we keep getting what we've always gotten. So a huge theme that came up in my book is about changing your state. And I really take people through that, like, how to do that now. You know what's really funny is when I wrote my first book, I was in this place where I literally felt like I didn't love being around people. And I thought I was such an introvert. I was like, I used to tell you this, Lori. I was like, I'm an introvert. I like small conversations. I don't want groups. And I remember having a shift through my personal development work and realizing, no, I actually really like connection, and I really like people, and I like connecting and thriving and talking to people. And I remember texting you one day and saying, okay, I thought I was an introvert, but this is wild. I actually am not. I like connecting with people. And it's interesting because my business has even shifted, taking that back on, like, where I used to be, all behind a video or writing. I'm very engaged in small groups and, like, being on zooms or, you know, teaching, being on more lives. Like, I like talking to people now. I do that more than talking at them.

What do you think that shift was? Was it a perspective of. Because I so relate so deeply with that. You have no idea. Like, I think for part of me, the mental shift was viewing them differently. I used to be like, oh, when I'm around people, they take my energy. Or, you Know, and I. But I wasn't being responsible with my. Yeah, I was showing up. So what was a shift for you?

The same as you with that. And I really learning about what I call performer syndrome. I don't even know if that's a real thing, but, like, I felt like I always had to be on, and we don't have to. When you're in the company of the right people, you don't have to always be on. You can just be listening and be present. Oh, that came out really strong. Yeah. Yeah. And I think I made that up. I don't know. Maybe someone else has coined that, but. But that's what really has landed for me, that. That I felt the need that I always had to be, like, on or solving or fixing or helping or like that. And that does drain your energy. But if I'm just there and present and listening, that's great. I can do that too. I can just be.

I literally just talked about this this weekend where. Because I did an exercise where it was like that, where it was like, you actually have to just listen to someone without coaching them. And people were so uncomfortable. All the fixers in the room were so uncomfortable because they were like, am I valuable if I'm not adding value? Oh, snap. So how did you still find yourself to be like? What was the transition of realizing you were still valuable even if you weren't in coach mode?

Well, I mean, it took a while. It took getting a lot of honest feedback from people and going into workshops and going heavy into personal development and asking for honest feedback because I felt like I was living this life where people were telling me what they thought I wanted to hear. I wasn't getting honest feedback anymore. I needed to know how I was actually showing up, and I needed to relate that to my results. And when I was able to take it on, it wasn't comfortable. But I had some massive shifts around it because I was open to the feedback. So many of us, we don't want to hear it. We're like, oh, they're just a hater. They don't like it. But we have to listen to that, because if you're not listening to it, you don't know how you're showing up to people.

Oh, man. So for people who maybe aren't in a personal development training or they're not going through it, what would you recommend to them to get that feedback and how do you prepare yourself for it? Because it's like the fear around what's about to be said.

Gosh, that's a big question. I mean, I guess, for starters, you. You. I. You don't have to take a personal development workshop, but you can read books on it, like that's on, or listen to podcasts on it, but start with, like, looking at you. So, you know, I always said to people, it's nobody else's fault, be accountable. But here I wasn't being accountable. I was, like, hiding in this thing. So part of being accountable is being aware of how you're showing up. And if you don't ever want to hear it, that's not exactly being accountable. That's just trying to be perfect and trying to make everything fit into your bubble. And that doesn't work either. So I'm not saying you have to go throw yourselves to the wolves and be torn down and be a mess, but you do have to listen and look at how you're showing up. If you want to change now, if you have no desire to change and you're content, then more power to you. My life, Things were not working in my life. I had to look at this. So I. I was open to it, and I started making that, really a policy in my life to my friends, like an open door to give me actual feedback. You know, it's so funny. We don't even do it with our closest friends. And that's so awkward to me. Like. Like, just think about somebody, your friend, with their food in their teeth. Like, why? What is it about us that we don't want to tell them? Like, that's not okay. Like, I want you to tell me. Yeah, so just being real with your friends and saying, hey, I want honest feedback. Asking for feedback from your clients and your customers, not hiding around it, like, really into it.

Oh, man. I have one group of friends that we do this in, and the only way that we can do it is by, like, all agreeing that we all want the feedback. Basically, like, okay, can we all agree that this is something that we'll do for each other? And, you know, it's.

It's.

It's a. It's a hard conversation to even bring up. Like, you have to find those trustworthy people who are also doing the work. Or sometimes you can be kind of like a, you know. You know, you could be, like, a target for somebody who's not necessarily doing the work.

You know what's really funny? I went through this little phase while I was going through a lot of my work, where I went, I got very sad about it, and I thought, gosh, now my business really isn't working. And I used to just think I was amazing and like, literally I had this warp thing. Like, I used to think I was amazing, but now I let feedback in and now I'm self second guessing myself. So I'm not confident. So I went through a mini phase of that for sure. But what's on the other side of that's incredible. And the key to that is to talk about it with people. So, like, I went to my coaches, I talked about, I said, this is what's coming up for me. And I worked through it versus just avoiding it because just to avoid it and block everyone out of your life that doesn't see your way or love you or think you're amazing. That's so fake. I mean, that's not gonna get anywhere. And then you don't have relationships from that.

Oh, my God. It's one of the most empowering things and also one of the scariest things. But I think, just like you said, the reason we don't want to tell our friends they have something in their teeth is because it's an init pain.

Right.

It's like that initial wave, but then it goes away. Like, the awkward moment is gone. You forget that it happened.

Yeah.

But it's that initial wave of, like, how bad is this going to hurt? So how do you cope with the moment of how bad is this going to hurt?

Well, you have to detach yourself and ask yourself why it's hurting so much. Because usually someone's opinion, it's just an experience of you. It's not necessarily the fact it's their experience of you. But, like, if, you know, if 20 people are saying, my experience of you is this, I need to look at that, because that's how I'm showing up. So whether I believe it or not, that's what's showing up.

So there's so many things that I could chat with you about, about, you know, what's come up for you over around the book. But one of the things that I want to ask you about because you're a huge mentor for me in this area, and I literally never, like, I don't see age when I look at you ever. And I know it's so crazy how fast time goes. I mean, I'm 38 right now, and it's really bizarre because this year and part of last year, I've become aware that, oh, I'm in my late 30s, and I'm trying not to have this conversation in my head. So I would love to have it with you.

I Love this.

Just to point out celebrating getting older, I want to be a mentor for other women, because I don't know if you remember. Of course I know you've done this before.

You're a woman.

But, you know, when you're younger and you're in your 20s and you have an age in your mind of where, like, life kind of either stops or it stops being good, or you stop having that use or having whatever that is, how do we dissolve that? How do we start removing our value?

Yeah. So it's so funny. I love that you asked that. Because when people say, what do you do? I say, I kill fat for a living. But I don't mean just the fat on your bodies. I mean what I call false assumed truths. And those are those beliefs that have been holding us back. Like. Like, it's. You're too old, it's too late, or it's not possible. All those, like, false beliefs.

Yeah.

And so with age, this is a really big, important one because there's sort of three phases of our lives that I look at. Phase one is, like, you're a child, and anything's possible. Like, I love the how children are present. They believe they can be a superhero. They're gonna be a princess. Like, there's no sense of failure. They're confident, they're running on the beach. They're not covering up their butt because they're worried. Someone take a think about it or take a picture of it or whatever. Like, they're just free. And then there's this stage of, like, I would call, like, hustle mode. Like, you're getting through school, you're getting through your job, you're working, you're doing. You're doing all these things, and you think you have all this time, and then all of a sudden you're in your 40s or your 50s, and you're like, oh, my gosh, now what? I missed the boat. Is it too late? Am I too old? And what. What's really challenging is society really validates that. Like, you don't see older, you see younger. Everything's about younger. And people start believing that it has to be this way. And then you have doctors telling you, well, it's your age. So it's like this whole combined thing. So I have. You have to literally, like, mind mess with it and say, I'm not taking that on. I'm not going to believe that. I don't. Just because I'm this age doesn't mean I can't. This, like, anything is still possible for you, if you believe it. If you look at the four minute mile, like that was proven to be impossible. Like no one can ever run the four minute mile until someone did it and then someone did it and 10 more people did it. So anything is going to be possible once you believe it. But this thing around age is a real thing and there's too much validation going around about you're too old and it's too late. And I'm on a mission. My vision is to really change the way that that looks. Because when someone is shocked about my age, if they're like, oh, you're 47. Wow. I would have never guessed. To me I'm like, but this is what's it supposed to look like? Why can't this be 47, right?

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What in you did you have somebody that you looked to for that or was it something. Let me tell you because I being from the Midwest, like you go back there and the definition of age is completely different than living in California.

Totally.

My whole world has flipped on its head living out here because you know, I remember going to the Santa Monica stairs and there's like an 80 year old woman doing the stairs. Like, like doing way more stairs than I would ever even think of doing that day.

Right.

Wait a minute. And this is just what she's known and what she's done and she accept anything else. And it's like this is what Chris and I see every day is these people in their 70s, 80s, like fricking working out everywhere. So what do you do if you are in the Midwest or you're not seeing it around you? What do we do?

Yeah, so you have to look for it and find success. Always leaves clues with us. Now you asked me like, did someone inspire this for me first and foremost. I remember when I first moved to California, gosh, I don't know, was this 15, 16 years ago? Yeah. I met a friend, her name was Rad. Ruth Ann, we called her Rad. And I was, I don't, I don't even know her exact age. I think she's probably 20 years older than me. But I remember she was hanging out with all of us. Surf spun, amazing, beautiful. Like just, just an incredible energy. And I don't physically, yes, very attractive, but beautiful more because of her personality. Like it made her want to be around you. And like literally you didn't think of age when you were with her. Like she was just that. And I always like looked up to that I'm like, that's what I want. Like, I like that she's ageless and it doesn't matter. I knew then, like, that's what I wanted for my life. And then I just, you know, I do feel lucky and fortunate living in Southern California because I do have a lot of friends that look amazing in their 40s and 50s. There's a lot of them. And I know that that's not the rest of the country. And that's a big reason I wanted to write this book. Because I'm like, you know what? There's simple things that we all do that. That's keeping that going. And we don't validate that we're too old and it's too late ever. We're doing the opposite. We're like, you go. You do it. You can do it. And we're helping each other with that. And that's what I wanted to be contagious for everybody else.

Oh, man. Okay, so I'm gonna. I'm gonna drop into my own therapy session with you.

So.

I know that if I'm experiencing it, someone else is. So I recently in my head have been like, I'm like, obsessed with clothes and I love my makeup and my hair extensions or whatever. So I'm like, I. The other day was like, am I too old for this? Is this outfit too young for me? I was like, where is this coming from? Yeah. Oh, I did not like that.

Yeah, no, and you had. And it's always like, says who, says who. You know, it's funny because I have a 12 year old, she's almost 12, and she's made a couple of comments to be like, mom, you can't. That's not. And then what's funny? As I went to volunteer at her place that she's in, and all the girls backstage like, oh, your mom's so hip and cute. And like, they were giving me compliments to her. So then all of a sudden she's like, my mom is cool. Like, so it's just funny. Like, kids will do that, right? But. But it really does go to says who, Says who. Why can't you have long hair and eyelashes and whatever else? And the thing with aging in reverse, it's not just about the physical appearance. I want to be clear about that. Like, I don't. I'm not attached. If someone wants hair extensions or Botox or whatever like that, that's each his own. I don't care about that. I personally will never be fully gray. That's just not going to happen. It's like, I'm going to have. My hair will be colored till the day I die. Like, that's just what's happening. That's not what this is necessarily about. There's a lot more to aging in reverse. That's not just physical appearance. It's the way that your body functions. It's pain, it's the way you feel. It's inflammation. It's your attitude, it's your focus. You know, a big complaint of women in their 40s and 50s is loss of focus and energy. And there's. There's a reason for that. Let's get that back. Because all of that affects your confidence and affects your drive. It affects your life.

What do you think the focus and energy is coming from? Why is that lacking? Is it purpose driven? What is that?

There's a lot, but first and foremost, it's purpose and vision. When you have purpose and vision, you're on fire. So when you have a reason and what happens in this middle age is a lot of women, either they didn't have kids and now they're regretting it it, or they had them and their kids are grown. So there's like this weird spot of like, wow, time is speeding up and now their parents are getting sick or dying or. So there's this like, weird spot of that. And now they. So they've got that going on and they've got more stress and now they're inflamed and they've got. There's a whole bunch of stuff happening. They start feeling depressed, they start. They start losing. Like, what am I here for? Like, what am I doing If I, you know, is my job the permanent thing? Am I. All these start thoughts are coming through. So getting re engaged with what's my purpose and vision? Like, what do I want? That gets you excited again, man.

That's so important. Because when we do look at the beginning of our life, it's like, okay, in your teenage years, you're excited to graduate or start a career, or you have all of these markers and all of a sudden you get to the point where you've hit the markers or you haven't hit the markers, and you're like, oh, my God, is this gonna happen for me or what now?

Right? Oh, my gosh, so true.

So tell me about. You know, you talk so much about changing your state, and I just think that that is like, I mean, daily, Natalie, for me, I'm like, okay, let's start in the morning. Let's just. Because I wake up and it's like, I forget who I am. What happens when, you know, how do we, when our environment yet does not reflect back the reality that we want? How do we change our state when our environment still like in a shithole?

I love that. So first and foremost you have to decide, you have to make a decision. Like, this is where I want to, this is where I'm going and this is what's happening. So it's a firm decision, like, this is my decision, this is happening. The second thing is you've got to declare it. You got to start being public about it, meaning you're telling your friends, we're not going to bitch about our age anymore. Or I don't want to validate this stuff to declare it. This is what I'm going after. And then it's creating a vision. So whether you do that through a vision board, which I love, vision boards, this goes back to my initial transformation. 10 years ago. I made a vision board. That was my step one. Because when you can't, when you don't have an environment around you that is reflecting where you want to be, your brain, your body, does not know the difference between your thoughts and what's actually happening. So if you don't have it around you, like if you're not living near an ocean and you need ocean to feel calm, then by all means put some water noise on in the background and put a big picture of the ocean in front of you so you can start getting those thoughts. But create something so you can start looking at that and then you can easily surround yourself with those things even though they're not physically in your environment. Like pictures, like music, like podcasts, books, the right groups. You always can find where success leaves clues and you can always surround yourself with those things. You could be walking around the grossest, ugliest city in the world, but you could put music or a podcast on, it's going to change your mind about it and have a whole different experience. Or you could sit and look at a tree in a park and imagine you're anywhere. So your, your mind really is powerful. But changing your state first is absolutely critical. And most importantly in changing your state is getting rid of what I call false assumed truths and self imposed stops. So you have to catch yourself on all these negative things you're telling yourself, like, I'm too old, it's too late, my metabolism, my hormones, my genetics, whatever, all of it. You have to stop believing and saying it so true.

And it's an easy default. Like when you you know, if you feel tired or we're always looking for like a reason why we feel this way. Why do we feel this way? It's so easy to blame it. So for you, with your, with, you know, when you, when you have a vision in your mind or is there anything right now that doesn't feel possible and how are you trying to make it feel in reach for you?

Yeah, gosh, that's a really good question. I don't feel that anything feels impossible to me. I actually feel the opposite. I feel that anything I really truly desire and want is possible. The scary part is, am I really wanting that and what's my conviction around it? So like, like there's things that, like I could, for instance, I could scroll Instagram and see someone on a private jet and I could be like, I want a private jet.

Yeah, great.

But like, and could I have one? I'm sure I could. But the amount of work and stuff I would need to take on in my life to create that type of environment that I have my own private jet, I'm not really in a spot that I want that for real. Like, I'd rather just be invited on yours, Lori, when you get one. I make choices like that or like, do I want to be a size, you know, a ridiculous size, tiny or whatever on my body? Like again, do I really want that? If I really do, I can go for it, but I have to realize what it's going to take to do that. So I might say no to taking on a vision or something like that, because vision is not woo woo. It's not like I just, I want to do this and it's just going to come to me. It's like there is. So I'm very selective and careful what I'm saying and declaring that I actually want. But I believe that anything we all desire and want, we can make happen if we are truly committed to that.

Okay, so question on that one because I'm in that space right now of like looking at the work involved in something.

Yeah.

How do we tell. How do you think? Or what, what's coming to you around when you look at the work involved, when is it, Are you afraid of the work involved? Or are, am I afraid that I'm not able to take that honor, that I'm not smart enough for it? And when is it that I'm just, you know, know, self sabotaging myself out of the vision? Like, how do you find if it's really our vision when you, when you think you really want it? But you're afraid of.

That's a great question. I would. I think my answer to that is I do a lot of visualization, so I do a lot of, like, quiet time. Like, I have a massage chair, which is the best investment ever, by the way. It's like, the best thing I've ever bought in my life. But I sit my massage chair, and I'll close my eyes, I'll put some music on, and I'll literally envision, like, okay, what? Like, take the private jet, for example. Whatever. I'll literally, like, okay, what would my life be like? And I try to like, fast forward my life to whatever it is that I want or want to be experiencing. And I think through, like, do I really want to take that on, for instance, with my business? I've made a lot of different decisions this year based on lifestyle versus, like, creating income. So I can think. Like, I want my business to get to a certain number, but when I really visualize what I'm doing, how I'm spending my time, when it gets there, I choose not to take that on because I know, I think, like, what is it that I'm creating a business for? What is it that I'm an entrepreneur for? It's for the lifestyle that I want. So if I can live that lifestyle and not have to take that stuff on, I'd rather do that. So it's really just putting yourself in that moment of what it is and then deciding if that's worth it. And everybody has to answer that individually.

Oh, man. It's so funny how we can, like, literally know these things, but you don't know it if you're not doing it. You don't truly understand it if you're not doing it.

Yes.

And for me, it's funny because I did that with my fitness business and, like, really looked at, do I really want to be, like, a true fitness, like, whatever. And I was like, actually, I don't want to be working out every day. You know, I actually don't want to be doing that. And that was you. And I only got to that place because I visualized my life. And now you just reminded me, no, you have to do the work sitting down every day and visualizing what that would actually look like.

Yeah. And so, like, yes. And I. And just, like, the fitness is an exact example because both of us built our brands on fitness. Yeah. And so it's not that I've abandoned fitness, but I made some really hard decisions this year. Like, I decided that I'm not creating any More of my own fitness programs. That doesn't mean I can't do fitness. I can work. I made a, I did a great DVD for Prevention this year. I'm doing for an app company. I still do fitness, but I do it selectively now as fun for somebody else or for another company. And that way I don't have the pressure that I have to be creating all the time. So there is a, there is a both and there's a win, win. You can always create. But saying yes to everything, that wouldn't work for me.

So tell me about the pivots. Because obviously people who listen to these podcasts is probably because they are in a pivot or they're about to pivot. Yeah, and you mentioned that it's scary, especially when your identity is wrapped up, as you know, I mean, when I first met you, you were the fitness queen.

Yeah.

So it's, what did that look like? Kind of detaching from, yes, you're still fitness, but this isn't my identity.

Well, what it looks like is not having to be so black and white, you know, cutting everything off. Like, there's a gray, there's a gray. So like I didn't go from like, I'm all fitness to like, there's no fitness. Like, that would be an issue. Like if all of a sudden I took down all my fitness videos and I'm like, okay, now I'm talking about, you know, being an entrepreneur, like, whatever. I'm just saying, like that just doesn't work. So it's still part of your life. So you tell a story, you make it all tie together. Like for me, I'm just, I meet people where I'm at and where they're at. So. So I'm going to share what's actually happening in my life. So like fitness is, I still have fitness videos out there, I still will work out forever. Like, I love fitness. I just didn't want that to be the focus of everything. So it's about introducing new concepts while you're still doing your old and letting go of beliefs, those self imposed stops. Like for instance, like I said, instead of creating more of my own fitness products, I am doing them with companies now, which allows me to still offer something for my audience, but it doesn't put the pressure on me to always be creating in that space. So I can still be a mix of both and I can start evolving. So I would tell anyone that's in that spot, there's a both and you could do both, like all the time. People are in corporate and they want to start their own business. I'm like, do both. Like, you don't have to stop and start. Like, do both until one thing makes more sense. Oh, my God.

Amen. That's how I've always done it. Like, you kind of start bringing in little things or dabbling or. And we're so lucky to live in this era of social media that literally tomorrow you could start. Start talking about what you want to be doing social and test it and get it and keep going. It's like, we're so blessed. I literally love that you said, well, there's a gray area. Like, because it does kind of feel that way. You're going to feel confused. Your audience might feel confused. It's a confusing time. But it's how you bring in. It's how you mix the two.

Right.

And let me tell you, Lori, I started getting really direct with, like, who I'm trying to attract and who I want to speak to. So I started like literally saying on post, and this was scary. I'm going to be real because I have an audience of all different ages. I started saying, saying, hey, ladies in your 40s and 50s. Now, I had. That was scary because I'm like, Well, I have 20 year olds and I have 30 year olds and I. Yeah, and that's great. But here's the thing. There's 30 year olds still follow me, 30 year olds still like my programs. I'm not saying you can't. I'm just gonna speak to where I'm at. So it's okay to do that. It's okay to speak directly to who you want to talk to and others will still follow and like, and want to hear your message. But you can't be all things to all people.

Oh, man.

I'm taking a course on that right now. Like, that's exactly what I'm starting.

It's scary.

It's scary because you're like, wait, I want to include everyone and I want everyone to feel good. But then you do that and your stuff kind of falls flat.

Yeah. And then the people that you're trying to attract don't feel heard. So, like, women in their 40s and 50s feel heard by me, because that's what I'm talking to.

Right. Oh my God. So good. So we've mentioned a couple or you've mentioned a couple times about inflammation and I don't think that people realize how much of some of the things that they're feeling or thinking could actually be coming from not feeling well. Or feeling in place or eating the wrong foods. Because, you know, I look at my family and honestly growing up, a lot of the beliefs and the things that were said was, you know, we struggle with anxiety or depression or we have X, Y and Z. And what I didn't realize is I really, really believed that. But it wasn't until I started eating well that I could, I felt good. I started to hear myself, you know. So tell me a little bit.

Yeah, so, okay, so I'll start with a general analogy. So if you walk by a body of water and the body of water is filled with like dirt and trash and moss and muck and gross, and you throw something else in there, you don't even notice what else you throw in there. Yeah, it's just a big foggy, dirty mess. But if you walk by a beautiful body of water and it's pretty, it's beautiful, like crystal clear, it's super clean. And I throw one piece of trash in there, I really notice it, it, I really notice it. So first and foremost is we treat our bodies like those dirty waters. A lot of times we're throwing all this stuff in there and then we're wondering why we're foggy headed, not feeling good. Like, well, duh, this is why you're drinking artificial sweeteners. You're not, you're not on point with your diet, you're not drinking enough water, you're taking pills for whatever. We're doing all this stuff to our body. Then we're wondering why we're not feeling great. So inflammation. Inflammation is you can define a lot of different ways, but basically inflammation is. I'll define it as anytime your body is not knowing what to do with what's going on in it. So it's reacting. So. And that shows up on your skin, it shows up in your gut health, it shows up in joint pain, it shows up in your foggy head, it shows up in memory loss, it shows up in a lot of different areas, stomach aches, all kinds of different ways it can show up. So we don't know what's causing things. If we're eating, we have a big dirty water bottle. So my first step with people is we've really got to clean up your diet. And I really take it a whole other level, especially in aging universe. My first book was called Unprocess yous Diet and I talked about unprocessing, aging in reverse. I go a whole nother level because I'm going to. It's still based on unprocessed Natural foods. But I'm taking out any possible allergen because I want to take those out, especially known foods that cause inflammation. So we can even see what's under that, all of that. Now a lot of times somebody might say, well, I don't want to give up dairy, for instance. I don't want to. I'm like, okay, well if that's working for you, if it's working for them, they don't need to. But if they're feeling all these things, why would you not try to take it out for 10 days? Which is what I teach in this program, Take it out for 10 days, let's see if we can get you back to a great state and then you can add things in and see how you feel. I know for me, a big reason that, but I do look what people say is younger than others. And the reason I don't have stomach aches or skin breakouts or any of that is I do eat a very anti inflammatory diet and I had an injury two years ago in my back, a really bad injury. And when I eat foods that cause inflammation, that really flares up for me and when I don't, I feel great. So it's not that I'll never have pizza or whatever, I'm human. But I also know what it's going to do to my body when I have it now. It's like throwing that junk in a clean body of water. So I'm very aware, and that's where I want people to be, is you should be very aware of what you're eating and how it's impacting your focus and your clarity and all of that.

I think one of the toughest things for people who might be listening is I think intuitively we know a lot of the things we put in our mouths. We're like, oh, my body's kind of telling me this is not awesome. But we ignore it. I'm super guilty of it. Like I literally, even after this weekend I was like, oh, my body's telling me I really need to watch X, Y and Z.

And I do it too. There's nobody that's perfect with it. No, there's no one perfect.

I think the hard part is like, you know, having a family who still is like really just not on the health page is the joy factor, right? There's so many emotions tied to the food that they eat. And I think that they really believe that if you start taking those things away, they can't get to the other side of what it will feel like. What do we focus on in the interim of cutting back the drinking or cutting back the sugar? How do we mentally. Because it's like somebody quitting drugs.

Yes, And I agree with that. And that's why in Aging Reverse, I totally start with changing your state first. Because if I can get you to see your vision, and that's where I spend a third of the book is like, let's. Let's figure out what it is that you actually want. What's your. I can help you figure out what's. I call your driving core motivator. Like, what's the thing that's truly holding you back from getting what you want. So if you do that work first, you don't even have to touch the diet. Just do that work first, get clear on what it is that you want, and then once you're clear on that, give me 10 days. And it doesn't have to be forever, but give me 10 days and tell me how you feel. I can't tell you. I put a whole test group through this, and all of them kind of came in kicking and screaming like, I don't want to give up these things. And they. None of them went back because they were so good. So. Yeah. And what's cool about this, Lori, by the way, is it goes with any other program. Like, you could. You could do it with Keto, you could do it with Iifym, you could do it with whatever you want to do, because it's based on natural, real foods, it'll still tie in.

Oh, my God, that's so huge. Because I just. I think about all of the times that I've been motivated to finish anything, and it's because I spent all the time in the vision. Yeah, that's it. Like, anything and everything. And I look back to even when I was doing a big body transformation when I was younger, and it was like, just the picture of the body is not going to be enough. It never is. It might work for the first, whatever. But what happens when maybe that particular vision. Do you have anyone or have you experienced this or heard of this? I know you've been in the industry for a long time where maybe they're in their vision, they're living that vision, but that initial vision is no longer motivating them. How do we. Like, I guess this is even me right now. Like, how do I figure out what that next vision is?

Yeah. Yeah. And that's important. And those do change all the time. And my vision has changed many times, but it's. You have to create that space, you know, and that's the problem. We don't daydream anymore. We don't like there's too much technology. So if you don't create the space to really take a break from technology and go for a walk just without your cell phone, like literally take that space, it's not going to come to you. So you can't really tap into that when you're just in hustle, hustle, hustle. So it is creating space, whatever that looks like. It doesn't have to be a big vacation. It could be literally a walk without your phone for a little while just to like look at the trees. But it's in those moments when you can separate from your to do list that you're going to start really getting clear on what it is that you want and you know, really get focused on what do you get lost in? Where is your flow? Where do you feel like you're thriving? Where do you. Do you lose track of time? And where can you pick up more of that and make that more your vision? So like for me right now I have different visions with my business, with whatever. But I can tell you for my health and my body, I'm very clear on where I want to be and what I don't want. So to me, grabbing a donut versus what I really want for my health and my long term, that doesn't match. So I'm going to second guess that donut most of the time. Every now and then I might have it. But it's true. I really look at that. I really take that on. I don't want to be the 70 year old that's sick and dying. I want to do everything in my power to prolong and be healthy and focused. Now there's a huge element we can't control, but there's a lot that we can control. So if changing your diet and your food is going to give you extra focused mobile years, why wouldn't you do it?

What do you wish more people asked you about your life?

Gosh, I wish. Selfishly, I wish more people would ask, how can I support you? Like it's funny, I want to say that and I say that because I don't think we ask that enough of friends and people and it goes, I like I have, I definitely am fortunate to have friends that do that. You're exactly one of them. Always like how you and Chris are like, how can I support you? Which is amazing. And I try to be that for other people. But I wish. Thank you. I wish more People would do that because I think it. It would make everybody really feel more like a tribe, more Feel more like a community when we would support each other and lift them up and celebrate versus, like always taking, you know, So I wish more people with that. So I don't know if that's what you meant by that question, but that's what came up for me. And then I would. I would like more people, as far as people that come to me with like, their nutrition or their fitness questions, I would love. Instead of them saying, what, what's the one pill or what's the one diet or the one exercise? I'd rather them say, what's the. What's the thought process I need to change? I would love that question because that is where we really can make a difference and change and control. But coming at me with, like, what's the one exercise or the one supplement or the one whatever, like, that doesn't work.

Oh, my gosh. I so resonate with that. And I love, love, love that you answered that question with that question, because I think that. So I think that women have the hardest time with asking for help. And in order to. In order to change our state in order to do this, we do. I think we need help. Like, we. A lot of times if we want space, we need help. Like getting space. Or sometimes you don't even know where to start and you just say, I freaking need help. Like, I don't even know where to start.

Yeah. And sometimes, I mean. And I will say, I've had so many breakthroughs in clarity, like when I actually talk to a friend about a problem sometimes. And I don't mean to go. To talk about a problem, to vent, but, like, really to look at. What am I missing here? Because we can't solve a problem with the same thoughts. Like, I got us into a problem.

Yeah.

If you don't ask somebody or have a friend to ask, you really do stay stuck in that loop. So I think it's important to have a surrounding of people that you could. Like, you have somebody, you could say, hey, can I bounce off what's going on in my mind just to get it out of me? Maybe you'll see something I'm missing.

So you talk about the right people, like, really making sure you have the right people in your life. How have you created the right people in your life? And you know, it's not just. I have to say, I think so many people look at someone like you and, you know, you had a large following or whatever that looks like, and maybe they assume that it's easy for you, but I want to know. I know that this is something that you have built. Like, you've really.

I'm a connector. I'm seriously, like, I love being a connector. I love getting to know people. And I. My friends always joke that I'm a connector, like, because I'm very interested in people. And then I do connect people when I think there's a good match. But what I look for is I always want people's stories, and I always want to know more about them and what their vision is. But I. I'm really big on integrity, too. So, like, if you. I trust people until I don't. So if, like, someone says they're going to do something or they're showing up and then. Or they're not, like, I notice that stuff. So who do I let in my life? Like, anyone's allowed to start in my life, but, like, you know, I don't keep people around that. Prove that they're not. That. That they're not in. Are not full of integrity, or they're not authentic. Like, I don't like that. That. So it's just. It's a sense. It's intuition, I guess. It's not like, necessarily a tit for a tat, but I can tell, like, genuine people, and I want more of them in my life. And, you know, if someone's listening and they're like, I just don't have anyone in my life, like that. Like I said earlier, you can invent that from podcasts, from books, from whatever. Like, podcasts are, like, the best thing ever. Just, like, turning on and listening to, like, your podcast. Like, it feels like you're in that conversation with people. It's such a light, amazing tool, and they're free, which is crazy. Like, it's just this. It feels like you're walking with a friend listening to that. So you can evoke that in. You can have that in even if you don't physically have those friends in your life right now.

Podcasts were so powerful for me. They were my first tribe, for sure. Like, books, books, and then podcasts and coaching and events and things like that. But it is powerful because you get to hear how we're having this conversation right now. You guys use our questions like, yeah, like, listen to the language. And that's been really huge for me, is just learning how these conversations even start. Like, how do people ask people to be a part of. You know, but, you know, you know.

As a kid, as when we're little kids, we ask people to be our friends. Like, we're like, okay. But just so you know, you guys, I'm 47. I still do that. I asked you to be my friend Lori. Do you remember? Like, years ago, I think I literally. I sent Lori an email, like, four or five years ago.

Yeah.

And I was like, hey, we have a lot in common. I think we should be friends, basically. And I was like, oh, my God, I still do that. Like, I meet someone, I like, I'm interested. I'm like, let's be friends. I mean, why did we stop doing that?

I don't know. It's the only thing that works. Yeah. Like, it's literally the only thing that works. Otherwise, we get into that weird space of we build stories.

Yeah. And I just. I didn't. I'm not feeling weird about it, so I don't think people feel weird about it with me. Like, if you're making a story about it, it's what you. Weird, but it's not weird.

Yeah, it might feel weird at first, and you're going to get used to it just like anything else. Is there something in your life right now that you desire more of?

Oh, I desire more space to think and be free. You know, I question myself daily with that because it's very easy for me to get caught up with work and the to do list and saying yes to things. It's a very easy thing. So when I find myself, like, not doing my workout or not going for a walk or not spending time with my husband or my daughter because of a work thing, then I'm like, okay, I gotta shift this. So I'm desiring more space. And the only way I know how to create that is by controlling more. Which is interesting because that's a whole other topic about letting go of control. But I've had to put some things in place. Like, for example, I no longer book interviews, appointments, meetings on Fridays, period. It doesn't mean I can't work Fridays. I just like having a day that I'm free to do whatever. Like, if I. Something pops up, I want to do it, I can do it. I also, for the most part, stopped booking interviews, appointments, meetings before 10 or 11am Just so I, like, I had to, like, control my schedule. Now I catch myself wanting to squeeze something in. And it's not perfect, but by putting control things in place, it does help me stay focused on the space that we wanted to create.

Oh, my God, that's so important and so tangible. So tangible. Just being able to do that so I could talk to you all day. What's something that we haven't shared that maybe you want to share with people, if anything?

Gosh, what's something we haven't shared? I don't know. I think we shared a lot. I can't think of anything right now.

We do.

We share a lot.

Where can we. Where can we find. Where can we get your book? Because I know it's out right now, which is anywhere.

Anywhere books are sold. Aging in reverse. Anywhere books are sold. Barnes. And I mean, I have. You can go to www.age-in-reverse.com if you want links to, like, exactly where to get it on Barnes and Noble and Amazon and all that. And I've got a few bonuses there. Otherwise, anywhere books are sold. And I am on social media everywhere. Natalie. Jill for fits and yeah, Natalie, I.

Love the way it's written. Like, I love all of the call outs so that technically, if you want, it doesn't feel like a book. You have to sit down and read cover to cover. I feel like you can really look up, like, what's hitting you and get a lot of really awesome answers right away.

Thank you.

It's really a beautiful book. You guys go grab the book. Share it. Listen to this podcast. Share this podcast. If this hit you and affected your life at all, make sure you text it to a friend. And we would love to hear your takeaways.

Yes.

So make sure that you take both of us so that we can chat with you there and hear your takeaways. So I'm so grateful for you. I always feel like I get so much smarter around you. So thank God for that.

I feel the same about you.

And I just have to say, you guys, truly, Natalie has been like such a light in my life. She's been such a connector for me of so many awesome people. And that, that's a place where I have a massive weakness.

So you had. You don't anymore.

I had, I had. Thank you for catching that. And I just want to say thank you for that and I'm so grateful. And I love that you wrote another book because it just, it just. I don't know, I'm just constantly, constantly learning and I love hearing your journey. So thank you so much. And you know what? I'll ask you this, I'll ask you this question again. Maybe it changed because it's my ending. Ending question. We'll have to go back and see what you said on the first one. Okay, so you have like 30 seconds with the total stranger, either in passing or in an elevator or whatever it is. But it's only 30 seconds, and they look at you and they ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

Oh, gosh. Decide. You're gonna decide. Like, literally decide, and you start acting as if. And you'll be there. Like, it's literally impossible. If you just smile really big, it's impossible to stay bad in a bad mood. Like, literally, if anyone listening to just smiles really big, you're gonna shift your whole energy. You're gonna shift people around your energy. So it's a decision. It's literally a decision. And I would say it's a decision. Decide.

Oh, my God. I love that. Thank you. I needed that. All right, you guys, if you love this episode as much as I did, make sure you share it with your friends. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.