382: Unlock your creative process with Monique Benabou

And so I just remember being like 4 years old, we had these big tall speakers with like the central system in the middle and I was like half the size of the speaker and I would just like ear up to it, listening to every breath of Mariah Carey and every run and just trying to mimic it like. These were my first vocal coaches, really.

Welcome to the Earn your happy Podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

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Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. Today my guest is one of my amazing friends who has impacted my life in massive ways, in some of my favorite ways as well, because this human being has ignited, reignited my creative spark, truly inspired me to sing. Yes, I said sing at the Bliss Project when I didn't believe I was a singer, even though I wanted to and wanted to really experience that part of me and that side of me, whether it was singing or just being creative, she's really helped me pull out some spoken word poetry and just not be afraid to share. And I think that is such a gift when you can find someone like that in your life. And I think you have to intentionally seek them out. And that's exactly what I did when I met her. I was like, you are creative. That's the. You're a singer. You are doing all of the creative things out in the world, putting your soul out there for everybody to see. And I think that when you have a side of you that you want pulled out of you, you have to put yourself in uncomfortable positions and around people who you don't necessarily yet identify with. And that's exactly what I did with this amazing guest, Monique, and you guys. If you have not been to the Bliss Project, then, well, number one, you're missing out on hearing her amaz amazing voice, which you'll get a little sample of that in this podcast. So I can't wait for you to hear it. Truly, this woman is a star. She is meant to be seen. She is meant to be heard because she will be a perfect mirror for you to reflect back something beautiful in yourself. So I know that this podcast is going to reignite something that is in you. Even if you don't think it's there, it is there. It's just waiting to be sparked by the right person. And I really hope, hope that you open up your heart to this and allow yourself to view yourself as a creative person and find your own creative process and listen to what it really feels like and accept what the creative process really feels like. So Monique Benabu after her worldwide debut on season two of the Voice in many years in the pop music industry, Monique decided to shift her focus from the mainstream to her own unique path of conscious music creation and healing arts. And you guys, we talk about this in in the podcast. Her story is amazing how she really thought she wanted one thing and was so focused on a path and it really changed. So she says at first, unsupported by most, she knew she had to sacrifice the safety and security of the path most taken to truly find fulfillment in her individual purpose and unique gifts. What this meant was a journey from the head to the heart through uncertainty, discomfort and surrender in order to serve a higher cause and fulfill her soul's calling. Now as a pioneer and leader within the conscious music movement, Monique has earned international recognition for her songwriting abilities and performance. Most recently, she was featured as a finalist in the Global Talent competition Megastar and honored as the first ever Conscious based Pepsi Cola Spotlight Artist. I do what I do and be who I be because it's me and I hope it will inspire others to lead with their own magic and ability to create in love, freedom and power. She says. Monique's mission on the planet is to bring relatability, authenticity and joyfulness to the world through music and storytelling and a little hood humor which I freaking love about her. She considers herself an artist of the new world and one dope Hope dealer. Monique believes through Hope anything is possible in any circumstances can be overcome. In addition to her own artistic offerings, she facilitates powerful workshops, coaching courses and one on one mentorship supporting throat chakra and personal truth activations, artist development and masterful storytelling processes. With a focus on the power of language, frequency and teaching individualized creation methods, Monique brings out the unique essence within each artist. For Monique, success is more than recognition of her own talents. She wants her legacy to reflect both how many people she has impacted with her art and how many people she has brought up with her. So you guys, I am so beyond thrilled for you to meet Monique. Like I said, if you have not been in the Bliss Project, she has sang there a couple years in a row. Maybe it's been three years now. And it's just been one of the most shifting experiences for everybody involved. Think music is transformational. I think that we can use so many different modalities to shift ourselves, to reignite our creative sparks inside. If you are alive and you have a heartbeat, you are. You are a creative. So I can't wait for you to figure out what your journey is and just enjoy this process. So let's get started.

Monique, I'm so excited to have you on the show. Like, honestly, you probably have no idea how excited I am for this conversation. Or maybe you do, or maybe you do know. Like, I just can't wait to drop in.

Yeah, I'm feeling you. I'm feeling you hard.

So the reason that I'm so excited to have you on is because you have been such a creative mentor for me. The minute that I met you, you reminded me that I had this. It's a piece of me that I always have known is there, but it's a part of me that I haven't really been bold enough or confident enough or really just self confident enough to be able to pull this side of me out, which is just more of a creative, more of an artist. And meeting you, I think, was one of the biggest gifts of my life because you really inspired me to start weaving that into all I do. So I can't wait to drop into this because what I really, really pray for people to get out of this is to know that whether you are an artist or a creative or not, is that you are an artist and a creative.

Yes. Yes. I'm so with you on that. Everybody has that part of them, and whether it's unlocked or it's still dormant, you know, it's there.

So for anyone who doesn't know who you are, and I would also love for you to just share a part of your journey and if you want to just, you know, I know that this is. We're going back however many years. 30 something years. But wait, are you even 30 yet? I don't even know.

Yeah, I'm 31.

Our soul knows, like, once I hit 30, I was like, I don't know how old anyone is and I don't care. Yeah, it's the best. Take me back a bit. Just about what growing up was like for you. When did you discover that you needed to be expressing yourself through music?

Yes. Okay. So growing up for me was. I'm one of five children. First of all, with a first generation. I'm first generation American. So my parents immigrated to this country from Israel and Morocco. Morocco. And my siblings are actually 16 to 22 years older than me. So my whole life was surrounded by adults. And it made it really awkward for me to actually connect with kids my age. And when I tried, because of the cultural difference, my. I grew up in a primarily Caucasian city and area in the Bay Area. They didn't, they didn't really understand. They were kind of freaked out by, by my parents and how they, how they ran our household. So I was actually pretty heavily bullied in school. And music was my number one outlet. I grew up in a musical household. Whether it's coming home to my mom belly dancing with the sound all the way up and just like getting in touch with her femininity. Or my dad singing Elvis or the Beach Boys, he loves oldies. My sisters all sing, one's operatic. My brother's a producer. And so it was a very musical household. And so I just remember being like 4 years old. We had these big, big tall speakers with like the central system in the middle and I was like half the size of the speaker and I would just like ear up to it, listening to every breath of Mariah Carey and every run and just trying to mimic it. Like, these are my first vocal coaches really. And so I just remember locking onto that feeling. And that feeling for me was safety. It was probably the only place in my life I really felt safe was when I was just enveloped and just in this, this wave of music.

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So when you're talking about safety, I think that we can all relate back to a time when we felt that way. And a lot of times it was when we were either alone or we were in private. Or maybe for some of us it was our family, or some of us it was not with our family. But that feeling of safety.

What did that.

What was that something that you had? You always dreamed of wanting to obviously sing in front of people. Or was it something that you were like, this is just for me right now? Or was the visualization there?

Yeah, that's a great question. So I think at the beginning, like from that flashback that I just shared, that was a space of like, this is just for me. And then once my consciousness grew to knowing that I could do that and be that in the world. I began to perform for anybody that would walk through the door. Literally, anybody that came through the door for anybody else was now my guest, and I hijacked them and I would perform. And this part of me began to come online around five or six, and by that time, that was it. I knew what I wanted to do. I. And no one was going to stop me. However, I did have a ton of hurdles to overcome with that being the declared profession I wanted to go into because I was so heavily bullied, both in school and I did get some shit at home. I hope it's okay that I use that language. Okay, cool. And I had to really overcome some worthiness and, like, being seen stuff. So, you know, I remember sixth grade talent show. I'm like, yes, I'm gonna do this. I had. I thought I had a really cute outfit on, but I guess I didn't. And I sang Genie in a Bottle and I was booed, even though I sounded good. The girls in the front row, they were laughing at me, the ones that picked on me. And it was such a weird experience because I remember thinking while I was singing, I sound good and looking at people, and the experience was discounted. So, yes, I think it's. To answer the original question, it started off as, this is just for me. And it grew to, I want to share this with the world and where it's at now. I mean, we'll get there, but it's. It's both. Honestly, I feel like in order to keep a really good head on your shoulders and be in your power with your art, you always have to keep a piece that is just for you. That's how you keep it safe. Those are your boundaries with your art as an artist.

So how do you do that now? What's a piece that you keep safe that's just for you, that makes it feel sacred for you as you're pulling this out into the world.

World. Oh, my goodness. So much has evolved to where at this point now, everything, the whole creative process is really the most sacred for me because how it's created, from where it's created, with who it's created, the environment, all of that is so important, because if it's not, if I can't create this feeling of safety and wholeness within that creative experience and the product then reflects that, I won't feel good about being a representative for it out in the world. And the extent of how much I believe in what I've created and how personal it is and how real it is and how me it is.

Really.

Reflects how big and bad I show up for it.

So how do you create that safety when you're in the process of like, okay, I'm going to sit down. Is it literally like, oh, this is scheduled time. I'm going to sit down and do this, or is this how, you know, what does it look like when you're actually tangibly pulling that idea through?

Yeah. Okay. So there are a couple different ways. On the more professional scheduled tip, you know, I will book out studio time. So at the moment, I'm just finishing up my album in studio, and so this has required scheduling, and it's a little bit more challenging at first to kind of drop in to structured pieces of time where you are meant to create. Yeah. But then you can. You. You find your own rhythm. And I'll say this. Every artist has their own process. And if there's one thing that every artist spends time doing, it is to understand themselves enough to create their own, that they can speed up the weird stuff and the discomfort and all that at the beginning so they can really drop in and access their tap and access their genius as quick as possible, because it's always there. And, you know, the most natural form for me of creation is just when I'm hit with the wave of it and I can step away and say, hey, guys, I'll be right back. And they go put myself in a corner somewhere and start singing in my phone with vocal notes or writing or even channeling like social media. Because at this point, for me, the only way I make peace with social media is by create is treating it like art. And I then feel safe to share my soul and I can show up to it without a filter of this is what people want to see. This is what the algorithm feels is best, and this is how people will like me. No, I get to show up, like, fully as myself. And that usually yields, like, the best results for me, which is, in my opinion, impact and it meaning something to someone. So there are several ways to really drop into that, whether it's scheduled or it's the flow and your flow that. That entry point of your creativity is where you will learn what works for you. What. What do you see as a theme every time you get a wave Inspiration? What do you need? Do you need your notebook with you? Do you need a pen? Do you like writing with a pencil? Or do you like not writing? Do you like having your phone there and making sure that you can record it? Is It a video piece. Do you need silence? Do you actually do really well with noise in the background? You know, things like that are really important to anchor you into creating the environment for you to now create this into a process. Duplicate that when you are booking out time.

Oh my God, I have so many questions. Which way to go?

Okay.

So I love that you said I'm just gonna restate a takeaway for everybody because I think this is so beautiful that you said you're treating social media like art. And it really brought me just back into a space. I'm trying to get just friendly with social media again because it really is one of our most. Our biggest blessing right now in such a modality for getting our art out. And I really do believe it's probably the best way to get our art, our creativity, anything, your courses, whatever you want to do in the world. And it's really easy to go down the rabbit hole of thinking you have to be something or wow, this is a really unsafe, judgmental space. I'm afraid to actually say how I feel. So treating it like art and remembering just bring it back to making it like your journal, like your own personal. So that's kind of where I'm. Thank you for saying that. I'm in that space right now of just reorganizing my relationship with it again and loving it again because it really is a huge, huge force. It's a tool right now. And then talking about the. Even going back to when you were up on stage and you were like, wow, this is my opportunity. I know my voice sounds great, but being made fun of or bullied by the girls, I really believe through the. And this is what I've seen. So I want to know your take on it. I like whenever we go to put something out there that's like baring our soul, we get like an equal or. Or greater than level of resistance or pain that comes in as some.

Either.

I don't know if you want to.

Call it a test.

I don't know what you want to call it, but can you elaborate on that?

Oh my gosh, yes. I'm laughing because that is exactly how I see it as well. And yeah, you can label a test for me. My. My word is it's a new. It's a threshold and it's like a portal. These. These moments are portals that what they do is they anchor in more self trust, self love, self belief. And really like sews this important stitch in your reality of who you're going to be and how you're going to respond and all these fundamental things that essentially hold your art up. It's the foundation. And so I, you know, those moments are so important and so pivotal and it's easy for us to fall back and cower and be in our shame and give our power away at those moments. But the other side of it is so empowering when you can pull through and say, you know what? That's the part, that's the part right here where keeping the bits of yourself, of your art for you, helps you push through these moments. Because when you know that this is just for you, it does not matter. It does not matter what or how it's received and who it's being received by. You're always going to have people that love you, like you and dislike you. And this is something I'm constantly, always in practice of being with because I have deep wounds that I'm, you know, always working on. Healing of approval. And that piece of keeping your art for you really helps push through those threshold moments and plops you like. It takes you from one level to the next. I believe those are level up moments when we can say, I'm proud of myself, I left it all out on there. I don't care if those girls were distracted. And it doesn't have to be malicious, right? It can be innocent, it can be not about you. I mean, it's arguable on the respective tip, but you can have somebody who's just having their own experience in a front row and they didn't come here necessarily for you. That's like at a conference or something. But you're performing and you know, they're robbing themselves of their healing that they can get from your performance or from your offering or your speech or whatever it is that you're there to deliver. So like, you know, it's, it's, it's an interesting, it's an interesting moment because you do have that split consciousness of what's happening on stage and what's happening out in the audience. And I'd say for anyone that experiences this, the best thing that you can do is take a breath. When you can be that in between sections of what you're sharing and invite the audience to breathe with you because then you kind of gain your control back by inviting the room and enrolling the room to be part of it. Even more integrated experience. And you have more of their presence and you will feel the energetic shift. And also, please, please, please, please, please hear me when I say this. Don't focus on the ones that are distracted. Find someone who is so into you and sing and sing, speak, talk, share, make eye contact with them. Like those. That's who you're there for. When you step away from it being about you and your art, being about your personal expression, that's who you're there for.

I have so been there. And it's like every single. You have to find that person who's shaking and nodding their head, not the one who looks like they like, literally are throwing daggers at you.

Yeah.

Or who just got up and left, right. And you're like, what? Because you'll just stop. It'll literally break that you're in.

Absolutely. I've. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a position where I'm on stage and my attention goes to the person who is ignoring me or is talking during my performance. And I feel so disempowered. And I feed into that and all of a sudden my whole performance shifts. And now I've let this individual influence my performance and rob others who are there for their healing. I've robbed them of their healing because I've given in to that story. For me, that is as old as time. Everyone has been there. It's totally the distractions.

All I can think about is whether this is someone who finally, for the first time, decided to share something in a post and all they can pay attention to is obviously that one comment. Or maybe you put your bound to the world and everyone loves it except for these 10 people who gave you this bad, these terrible reviews and that's all you can see. It's, we need more people. I always think of this. I'm like, we need more good people and more artists and creatives, which we all are, but we need them to care less. Like, you have to have to care less in order to care about the people who are actually there for you. And that's such a crazy thing to say, but we only have so much bandwidth, right? To care.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I. I was just. I just put a post out recently on social media and I really freaking meant everything I said. And it was from such vulnerability and such empathy and for artists specifically. And the primary response I got was sympathy for myself. And it made me feel so uncomfortable, so misunderstood, so judged, so weak. Because this is another story for me about vulnerability equaling weakness and. And like victim consciousness still being active in my leadership. And I damn near took the post down and I was just like sharing this with my partner. I was like, yo, I'm freaking out right now. I'm having a moment. I spoke really vulnerably about where I am in my journey and how this is super normal for artists. Because like I had mentioned to you, I'm very passionate about speaking about the moments that we don't talk about in the process of these amazing milestones or highlights because it's where most people fail or fall or don't reach out for support. And so in me doing this and it being my thing, I'm triggered. I get triggered because I will get those messages. And very few actually understood the post and those that understood the posts were artists. And it was like, man, this is, this is something that I haven't felt like this in a long time. But it was again, an opportunity for me to choose how I be and what I make it mean about me.

Always, everybody, every day, every moment.

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Want to chat with. There's a couple things I have highlighted here that I want to go over, but first, why don't we talk about that because in anything Especially with this. I think that in order to create or bring something through. I know that you and I have talked about this before. I don't quite have the words for it yet, but I can't wait to go down the rabbit hole of everything we're about to talk about and how this is going to eventually come out for me. But it's like the. It's almost like when you get an idea, like you have it, you can see the vision. Like when you knew that you were a singer, you knew what it was supposed to be, or you knew you wanted to do an album. And it's like a heavenly thought. Like, it's literally a heavenly thought. Like it's a higher than you. It belongs to you, but you don't yet have it in physical form.

And it's pulling it through.

Like they call it, what is it? The valley of death into reality. So where dreams die, right? Because most people give up because they don't know what to expect.

Expect.

And they're not prepared for the valley of death. And I hate to even say that. That's probably a really not awesome thing to say, but to be honest, it can feel that way.

Oh, my God. Completely. I think it's perfectly fitting.

So how do we. And how do you, in your process, protect yourself and prepare yourself? And now. Now what do you know what to expect when you're pulling a vision through into reality? How does it survive?

Oh, God. Prayer. Yeah, so much prayer, so much talking to myself. And. Okay, so this has taken me up to my whole life now to actually be able to do this, and I'm in the thick of it. So this is perfect to talk about. You know, you've been a huge part of my journey in birthing this record in many, many ways. And one of the most important for me has been how real you've been about your own creative birthings and creations. And just your. Your warrior energy when you speak to me about what I'm doing and the impact behind it and that ripple, that is what I'm really showing up for has kept me so centered. So I will. I will attribute that to. Attribute that to having and surrounding yourself with a support system of badass people who are already doing what you're doing. And if you don't have that yet, please, I know it's scary as hell. Create it. Reach out to that person that you look up to. Even if they're just one step ahead of you, it will lead to the next. If it's a. If it's a slow Bread crumb trail. Breadcrumb trail. Like do what you've got to do to make those friends and create those mentor relationships. To have just somebody to, when you're in the trenches, remind you of why you're there. Because the why always pulls you back in. But it's the thing that also is the most fleeting when we get triggered. And so I would say support is number one. It's also really important to know and have like, like the red cord on a parachute. Like a, Like a safety cord. Yep. So what that is, is like you're about to give up. Right. That's what that looks like. And you have that one person, that one person that you can just fall apart to, that won't try and fix you, that won't try and, you know, school you, that will just hold you. Because a lot of times we will feel broken or we will feel a mess, we will feel in chaos, we will feel just like scrambled eggs and all we really need to do. Because I'm a firm believer that we have the answers within us and we're strong enough to pull through. It's just when we keep it in our heads, that is where we lose the battle. But that's why I said I talk to myself a lot and I seem like a crazy person. If someone were to witness me who didn't know what I'm doing, I will either talk to myself or my walls, or I will just like throw it all up on that one person that will hold space for me and just allow me to hear myself. Because when we hear that, we can see the story and we can choose. So it's really, really important. I think for me those have been two foundations and self care. Treat yourself like a human. Yes, you're creative, yes, you're an artist, but also have a balance of just like healthy fun. It's really, really important when you get serious and focused and disciplined on birthing something that is creative, that you also implement fun as a non negotiable. Otherwise it gets serious and your art shifts, your art, your creation shifts. And the frequency of that, this frequency that is like severity and, and heaviness and pressure and judgment begin to seep in and inundate your art or your create, your whatever you're creating. And from my experience, that's where I have become the most frustrated with myself and experienced paralysis, creative paralysis. And that's when I know I need to like pop out of this artist world and go into my human self and go have fun. So that's been a huge Balance for me in getting through all of this.

That'S such a huge realization. I can literally remember moments writing my book where, you know, you push and you push and you push and you're like, every door feels closed and you're. You have to fall apart. You literally have to fall apart and you don't know where to go in that moment. And it does feel like everything is, like, caving in on you and that everything. You're like, shouldn't I. If this was the right thing to do, shouldn't it feel better than this? Because it can feel terrible. You can even feel like a bad person through the creative process. Like, am I doing this for the right reasons? You can question your intentions. You can be like, is this all about ego? What is this like? Because you have to believe you. Also, there's a level of selfishness that has to take place, even though selfishness isn't necessarily the word that I. That I want to be using here. But there's a level of having to close down the world around you, to go so inward. And it can just feel like, where do I go from here?

And then it's isolating. It can be very isolating.

Yeah. Oh, my God. It was one of the most. I was like, okay, I'm writing a book on tribe. This is the most isolating thing ever. You're like, I'm writing music for people, yet I'm around no one.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. There are deep, deep waves of sadness and almost what feels like depression sometimes and loneliness and isolation and like, what the doing, you know, it's on those days that, you know, leaning into something that isn't your art sometimes really helps. Or this is another remedy that has worked for me really well is when I can't find the soul in my art and I do like a little check, check in with myself. I will go and go back to my roots of what, in the first place inspired me to commit my life to this type of work. So I will literally pull out my 90s Mariah Carey CDs and just songs that put me 100% in my feels. Or I will take myself on an artist date, which comes from the artist waybook, where it's just me, myself, and maybe I take myself to a concert or a black and white movie, or I just go, people watch something that I can find. The beauty and the art of will always lead me back to my own. And. And yeah, so just like going off focus, if it's a book that you're writing. Okay, don't write Your book for an hour. Go and just do a train of thought or flow of consciousness or write something funny or something. Something that will reignite that spark. Maybe it's going to see comedy or watch Brene Brown's talk, something like that. So I feel you. Mm.

Those things were huge for me as well. It was like, a lot of times I would watch a comedy routine because I wanted to see how they were. You know, we like to do nothing more than laugh. And I was like, how are they getting into people's, like, hearts? And it was so freeing just to experience different emotions inside of yourself that it gets you outside of the space that you're in. It gets you outside, like, get outside of the physical space that you normally go in. My book was on a deadline and one of my friends was getting her remarriage in Greece and she really wanted me to be there. And I was like, I'm on this book deadline. I absolutely should not be doing this. But I was so stuck at the time that I was like, you know what? Something came through for a split second that was like, this is going to help you. You gotta go and just go be in life and you'll write faster and better. And I came home and finished, like, eight chapters in, like, eight days after that trip because I went and joined life for a while.

Yes. It's so necessary. It's such a dance, man. It really is. Like, you dip in and out of your focus and feeding your soul, feeding your human. And you're not. Most likely, you're not just, like, solo doing this. You're around people, you live with someone or you're in a relationship or you're a mom or you have pets or whatever it is, there's life happening. So just to, like, be in that, like, flow, that dance is super important. I. So for me, like, right before Bliss, I saw Jessie J Live, and I can't tell you what that show did for me. She is one of the artists I just respect most from this era, and she's so freaking talented. She's so raw. And her presence on stage, it just hit me so hard of how much herself she is on stage and having that permission slip gifted to me and witnessing her embodiment of being herself on stage, man, I came to Bliss Project with something else this year and I felt so good on stage. I didn't need for one of those women to scream for me to be proud of myself. After that, I never felt more myself. I was also super freaking nervous and scared and bypassing that's a whole nother thing. But I knew what I was committed to for that experience and that was being myself. Because when I try and be something else, when I try and match the measurements of others, I'm again robbing everyone of what's unique about me, which is why they even tune in in the first place. And I'm gonna most likely fail because I know how to do me. That's the program and that's the roadmap I have within. I can learn someone else's, but I'm never going to be as good as them because that's theirs. And so just realizing how perfect and like you have, we all have this built in spark, this built in charisma, when we are just ourselves and people care and people will listen and you will have their presence when you're fully them. Especially in a world where most people are stuck in a routine of trying to mirror or mimic what is successful. Those that hold true and are committed to being themselves more and more every day, people will hear, they cut through. Because there's a different presence and a different frequency. And even if, even if people don't understand this conversation of frequency and vibe and energy, your body does, our bodies do. We are instinct based human beings and that will never go away from us. That is one of our biggest gifts is instinct in our cells. Know when we relate to a person and when we don't based off of their energy.

Oh man. I mean, this year at Bliss, I literally like my. Just how you said when you saw, you know, your artist on stage that you love, it's them being them and saying where they're at right now and giving them. You can watch themselves give themselves permission just to be them. And it's probably the number one thing that ignites me the most is when I can go and see someone just be like, hey, I'm gonna be real. This is where I'm at right now and this is how this is feeling. And it's like it is. I think that all we're ever looking for is evidence of is it okay to be me? And the way that we can do that for other people is to do it for ourselves.

And.

And when you showed up and did that, I think everybody just took a deep breath and like unbuttoned their pants and like we can just breathe and be. And this is accepted and this is the best. Like this is actually what we all want. And when it is, when we start to feel, you know, energy and when we feel alive and when we feel connection, finally because so many of us are walking around feeling disconnected. It's because we can't. We can't connect until we give ourselves that permission to just be like, where are you actually at right now? Because no one can see you. We're, like, walking around with. What does Glennon call it? You're the representative. I can't tell you how I really feel if you're not going to tell me how you really feel, because it's not safe.

Right.

It's like a challenge. So we all have to do it. Tell me about what you feel. When I have this whole other relationship now with procrastination, because I think in the beginning, I was like, oh, my God, you're a loser. Like, look at you. You can't get this done. How do people get this done? Look at you going back for your fifth cup of coffee. Like, who drinks this much coffee?

Oh, my God. What are you doing now? Like.

Like, just, like, you're not spiritual. What are you doing now? You're eating 45 cookies. Like, just eat. You're sabotaging. And now I'm like, okay, like, chill. Be nice to yourself. And don't get me wrong. Those thoughts can still go through my head for sure. But what's your relationship with procrastination? And, like, you were talking about earlier, just the lull. Like, the period when you're not getting anything and you don't get to.

Yo. Okay, so I'm going to be. I'm going to give myself permission right now and just share honestly that I'm. I'm very much still in the process of nailing that one, because I do it all the time. I procrastinate all the time. However, I love that you started this off with. My relationship with procrastination is different, and I can really relate to that statement. And for me, how it's playing out right now is I will procrastinate and I will try to show up the way I'm, quote, unquote, supposed to. What discipline or what work or productivity says looks successful or looks right. And I will just have, like, it's. It's more than resistance. It's almost like there's an energy fighting me back. Yes. And I just feel like I've learned to not fight it, because what I feel. What. What's coming through for me is that my procrastination is actually my soul saying, rest and allow it and let it be okay. And what ends up happening, where procrastination then becomes really ineffective for me is when I fight it and I don't register that it's saying rest. My soul is saying rest. And then I don't ever end up getting the rest I need. So then it pushes out what that moment could be one full day of like, totally deserve rest and rejuvenation. Because creativity and creative vessels 1000% need that. Human beings need that. We are all creative and so we need rest. And if you're not giving that to yourself and you're fighting, it's going to prolong you getting that rest. So you're not really going to be productive for what will seem like maybe up to like four or five days a week. And you know, I'm the first to admit that I've learned that the hard way multiple times and still find myself fighting it. But I know better and that's to just surrender rest. Because it's not that I don't want to create. I'm not ready to create no matter the surrounding thing I put myself in because I can do it. I can do it. I'm a doer. I've. I've learned how to hack myself. And when I really come up against resistance of I'm not ready to write this. And it happens often for social media for me too. If you notice everyone from Bliss turn their shit around really fast. I can't. It's not very easy for me to do that because I need to process what I've just experienced and I want to put it out in a way that is so succinct and so clear and really is able to drop people in to what I'm sharing so that they experience the level of connection I experienced. I have yet to be that quick to do that because usually when I'm in a situation like that, I'm outputting, outputting, outputting. And my creative tank needs to be refilled before I can re, you know, before I can share and put out again. So my relationship with procrastination has shifted and turned from procrastination to your soul is telling you to rest. Don't fight it. Give yourself the rest. When it gets to the point where you're giving yourself that rest and now you're falling into what would be like lethargy or laziness, that's when maybe we can, you know, go do a power hot yoga class and get that fire started again and get back and recommit to like the structure. But this is kind of a fine.

Line sometimes at the same time, like it's a fine line because there's once In a while. And I think innately, we really do know. Sometimes it's hard to know in the moment. And sometimes you can wake up the next day and be like, okay, yesterday when I was questioning it, I can see today that I could have done more yesterday. It's always connecting the dots backwards for me. Because there are moments in the moment where, yeah, I'm dancing and I'm not sure. And a lot of times if I just kind of go back and reflect on that, I can figure out, like, okay, what was that my truth yesterday? Or was that just me being like, you know, getting lazy, like, starting to tell a story to myself about, like, maybe you're not cut out for this or whatever that looks like. So tell me about procrastination when you have a deadline. Like, oh, I just want to talk to you about this. Like, I had, you know, I have talks where I'm like, whoa, I am speaking in three days and you still have not written the talk. Please help me.

Yeah, that's me 90% of the time.

I think that's the more and more people I talk to. It's like, the more that you do it, the more something is saying, like, it's in you, it's gonna come. Have some faith. But it is freaking scary in the process.

Yeah. So this whole thing about progress, this is like a deep hole. And I'm so happy that we're talking about it. Seriously. There's a lot of shame around preparation and what that looks like to set you up for success. Right. You know, like I said, this is me 90% of the time. And I just. I trust myself that I know how to show up so much at this point that even when I'm feeling that pressure of like, dude, like, you need to get it together. I always get it together. Even if it's the night before. I can't really put a rhyme. Like, I can't really put much to it. Like, I don't know how to share, how to navigate out of that. Or it's just. I feel like it's a self trust thing. And I will say that it's also. There's a trap because of the shame. Yeah. With preparation. And it almost brings us into an induced state of feeling unsafe. And so we're not able to connect to our energy centers because we're blocked now in our, like, root chakra or our sacral. And we're not breathing and we're in our minds and we're not in our hearts or our bodies. So I really think that if I'm thinking about it now and bringing myself back to those moments. I just see myself in a bathtub right before I end up going into flow again because I notice that I'm here and I have a story about you need to do this, you need to do this, you need to do this. And I keep ignoring it because there are other things that are right now that I need to be showing up for. And if I were to sit down and do the thing I'm supposed to do, I'm going to be thinking about the other things that I need to be doing too. So it's like create the space. Where are you not creating the space? Right? Where am I not creating the space? How much of my story is actually paralyzing me right now from being in a state where I can access my creativity and. And like, where am I comparing, right? Where am I comparing myself and saying that I'm already failing by not having this done already?

Oh man, you just opened something up for me. Okay, so so much is opening up. So you know, when I'm thinking about what you're talking about and how it is that the shame around preparation and in the beginning, I do think that in order for you to understand that you don't have to prepare as much, that you do have to put yourself through the hell of over preparing for you to then go be out and about in the world or on stage or putting your stuff there and realize that you're not actually talking about the stuff you even really prepared necessarily that you can let go. But what you opened up for me was talking about when we can go and do and just be and trust ourselves is when we realize that is when we can get more and more tuned in on what is right for us and what is not. So probably like what I want to know is when you are doing, you have to prepare for things you don't know or messages that aren't yours or someone that you think that you are not. So when you get so clear, like finally now when I know where I should be speaking and what I should be speaking on, I no longer have to stress because I live it, I don't have to prepare it. I can tune into my day to day and what I want to say. So like now that you've dropped into your music because I want to talk about your path as well, because I know that the shape in which your dream comes true sometimes in the beginning is not the shape in which you should be in. You know, the things I was talking about in the Beginning were not my absolute truth. Were they a part of me? Yes, but they weren't who and what really lit me up. And so what does it look like now compared to the path in the beginning, when and, you know, in the beginning of your dream? I think we're willing to take on any shape that will take us.

Oh, my God. Yes. That is, like, the most accurate statement ever, because I totally did. You know, my big break came from the Voice. And let me just share with you how willing I was to take any shape for that quote unquote success which was shown to me by other celebrities and other musicians and other artists with no idea of what they have gone through, just. Just seeing their highlight reels and comparing myself to them. So right off the cuff, I'm setting myself up for a tremendous amount of struggle and unfulfillment. So I was on the Voice, and the whole way through, I had a gut. I knew I was gonna get on the show. Like, I knew it, and I didn't know it, but I knew it. And all along the way, the producers, with each, like, executive behind the scene, audition to get onto the main stage blind audition happened. I was giving a little bit more of my creative control away with their guidance. And the way they did it was a dangle, a carrot dangle. It was like, oh, Christina will love you, especially if you sing this. And they gave us a list of about 200 songs, and they said, label this spreadsheet 1 through 75 with your preferences of what you want to audition with. And I did that. They chose my, I think, number 37 song. And I had such a hard time showing up for that song. Had I stuck it out and actually stood up for myself and said, no, I want to sing this, I believe I would have gone much farther in the competition than I did. But I sang something else that someone else told me to sing because on the back end, it's an artist that the label of the show is signed to. They've put millions of dollars behind the record. It's part of their promotion. And I am the representative or quote, unquote, the pawn in this game to bring that forward and give it exposure and make money for this other artist. I sang it the best that I could, and I. Look, it took me five years to watch that playback because it was so inauthentically me. And then finally I came out to play. Little did they know, they chose a song that I grew up, like, living and breathing because Celine Dion is, like, my idol. They chose a song that I Knew like the back of my hand. And because I had sung it so well in rehearsals and the person that I was going up against was a fixed component and top four from the start in the show, they had to manipulate the song and change keys. So it was now out of my power range and more suited my competitor so that it didn't look so obvious on national television, which it still did look obvious on national television, that I should have won that round because now I was singing music that suited my voice and that I liked. So it's really interesting, you know, those choices that we make to siphon off our creative control and honoring what we know is best for us really has a huge effect to the extent for me, which now, from that moment on, I just showed, you know, over 100 million people who I am, and it's completely inauthentic and not me, but now that's who they expect me to be. And so in order for me to set myself up for success, quote, unquote, in this industry, I had to show up as that for the next five years of my life until I said, screw this, I hate music. Now I got to a point where the thing that was my safety, my refuge, became the thing I hated showing up for. And I walked away from, like, the top management, but within that top management who are representing these mega superstars, I'm in competition directly with these mega superstars for songs, and everything I'm doing is being shelved, and everything I'm being guided to create is being foreshadowed from these other artists who are not me. So there was very little space for me at that time to be me, because from the start of it, I chose to not be me. Now it's a completely different story. I hit reset. I'm making my own game. I'm making my own rules, and I'm doing it in a way that, again, I don't care if one single person woos for me, I feel good about what I'm doing. When I get on that stage and I step off that stage.

There'S so much about this that is just. It's a through line for everybody. And, you know, there have definitely been times I hear from so many women that I talk to, like, you know, I know I can get a book deal if I talk about this, or I told them I want, you know, I told them that I want this, but they want to switch it to this, or they want to switch my title to this, but I'm not feeling it. I'm like, you know, What? You're the person ultimately that is going to market everything that you do. And you're the person who's gonna have to keep talking about it. And you're the person who has to sell yourself. And if it is not you, you won't be able to do it. Like, you might even be able to make really great music, but you won't be able to stand behind it. And people feel the intention. No matter what. No matter what. People can feel the intention if you're excited or not. Like, right down to what are people creating? Like, I've definitely. You guys, I have created things before and put them out that I created simply off of. I think this is what people want. Like, and it wasn't even where my heart was.

And.

Those are the hardest things because it can be, you know, three, six months of your life, a year, five years. And while it's a beautiful lesson, if you can save anyone and say, what do you want to do? Like, what would you do for the you of two years ago? Like, what would you say to them? What would you say to the you of even. Even two years ago, Even last year? Because I know so much has evolved and we grow so.

Oh my God. This last. I mean, I'm going to be really honest. This time last year I was looking for an investor to support the beginning of my record. I hadn't had a record. I had a fire in my belly and I knew that I was going to. It was time to get this music out there, start this process. I had no idea how. I just knew it was going to happen. I was going to be the space for it to happen because I freaking deserved it. Because I was so. I felt my own purity and my own conviction about why so deeply that it was like I am saying I deserve this. No one has to tell me. I know. And so the me then I would tell her the me a year ago, just not compare herself along the way. To remember this fire in her belly throughout the course of this next year and to put her self care first. Those have been my three main struggles over this last year. That if I could have just given myself that advice. But again, at the same time, I guess that's what my soul needed.

I'm right there with you, sister. No matter what. No matter what I do that same advice, like, just stop comparing, stop comparing. Your journey looks different. You're here for a reason. There's something so good here. What is it? And yeah, you deserve this. And sometimes, you know, like totally vulnerable moment, but sometimes I Can be in the space of like, it's like you got to decide it's your time. Because especially I think on these growth paths and spiritual paths, sometimes it's easy to. It's also simultaneously easy to let myself off the hook and be like, oh, it'll happen. This is great. And then I forget that there is a big birthing process and the moment where you got to have contractions and get out there again. It's like a big cycle. So it's the ease the flow, be kind to yourself, don't compare. And then there's got to be some contraction period of pushing something out and then getting the feedback from it. But something else that I just think has been frickin awesome about your journey. And I think everybody needs to hear this. Getting your message out there takes money and support. So you have taken a different route. You were looking for investors first. And then I know that one of the hardest things for you and we've had this conversation was you started to gofundme account.

Yeah, man.

Please tell me about that process.

Oh, my goodness. So asking for help is probably the most challenging thing for me. Like, I've gotten really good at asking for a certain amount of help. But then I still have this like threshold where I'm like, what's the certain amount?

What's the certain amount that it feels comfortable for you where you're like, oh, I'm not bugging people. And then where's the edge?

If I have to follow up more than once, that's it for me. I totally shut down on that avenue and we know they can get back.

I'm just going to remind you, you know, it takes seven or eight follow ups for people to take action.

Good God. Good God. Let me tell you, on the other side of that practice, of that seven or eight follow ups, I will be a beast. Holy moly. Okay, okay. I did need to hear that.

You know, it's really crazy because even if you look at how, you know, marketing goes, and the thing is that people want to support people, but we feel annoying. And it's so funny because they not only need your art, but you have to get to the place of knowing so much that they need it. And knowing a lot of times we know what people need far more, like longer before they do. Sometimes we know what people need before we know what we need. And I just think that it's like the most brave, awesome thing that people can do. If you have something that wants to get out there by taking these different modalities of asking for help, starting a GoFundMe account, putting on different things where you raise money to get your art out into the world. A lot of people want to write books, but it costs a lot of freaking money to even write a book sometimes to get yourself out there. So getting super creative has been really huge. And I know that that has been like a massive struggle for you is asking, so how do you get. How have you been getting right with asking?

Having conversations with my support system specifically, like my sisters, like you, my partner, my producer. Another thing, you know, that's really been working for me is going back and actually being with my art, being with my art and feeling my own medicine. I forget to do that often. I'm in such the creed. I go between the creator seat and the business seat because I don't yet have the capital to build out a full team so that I can stay 100% in my artist and in my genius at all times. I'm beginning to get, you know, one higher here, one higher there. But in that startup phase, when you're really, really launching something, you can really. You can tend to disconnect from your own medicine. And it's. It's more than the why. It's. It's the actual experience of what you're putting out there because you can. You can only put into words so much what you're trying to create and what you're trying to gift and birth. It's a. It's a visceral thing you. That you need to feel. And so for me, listening to my own music, nothing brings me home like listening to my own music, because it's so felt. What it was created with was so pure. There is. There is no other. I just truly believe there is no other experience of this music. And so that keeps me honest and that keeps me going to that for it and knowing that I'm doing whatever I have to take or whatever I have to do and taking the measurements I need to take and following up however many times I need to follow up. And we're still at it. We're inching our way towards that goal. But I'm, you know, every day I'm. I'm taking myself on and facing myself. Face. Yeah. Facing off with myself to get past that story that says that I'm annoying or that people don't want to support this or that I'm not important or that I'm taking, you know, a huge one for me, a huge story for me. As I've grown in my career, I surrounded by freaking amazing people. And I know this is true for you too. You're surrounded by amazing people, people who are highly successful, highly inspirational. And for me, as these relationships are so new and the connection is the most important thing to me, it's super hard for me to ask for financial support from these newer relationships that foster me and feed me in so many deeper ways. But at this point right now, what is going to help me get across that, you know, finish line is dollars. And it's been, like, one of my biggest hurdles to, like, ask my friends for money who are successful, because I know that they're being asked for money all the fucking time. And so it's been one of my biggest hurdles. And you've actually. We've had this conversation, and you've helped me with really beautiful ways to word things that just take all of that out of it and just go straight to the heart. So that's been a beautiful thing for me and something I'm walking through.

I think just about everyone listening can completely relate to that, because there's all moments when we need to borrow money, make money, figure out creative ways to come up with money, figure out trades. I can't tell you how many times in this career I have had to trade with people. I've had to be like, hey, look, I can't pay you right now, but here's what I can do. I know, like, a barter system that might not be, like, really paying you back that much, but someday I really want to be able to get your back. So, Monique, something that I want to do is link up a song right after this. So as soon as I get off here, I want it to play on the podcast. So what is a song that you would want to leave them with? Anything off your head that you want me to link up?

Yeah. Wow. I'm torn. I'm torn.

I'll help you decide.

Yes.

Thank you. It's the Aquarian in me. I'm a little indecisive at times. So either I Surrender acoustic or Just Breathe produced.

Oh, man.

Okay.

You picked that one because they're both.

You know, I feel like. I feel like I want to share Just Breathe. Because I think I'm leaning towards that. Yeah, there's such a feeling there. It's an experience, that song. And it's. You know, it just slows it all down and brings you home.

All right, you guys, so we're gonna play that, right? In, like, just a minute or two. And something else. Cause Monique has literally come to Bliss Project, and has played and poured her heart out. And this music is. I incorporated her into the program this last year during the day because I wanted people to see how tr. Transformative not only music, but someone who is stepping. So you cannot share this music. You cannot sing on stage. You cannot be touched in the way that you are touched by someone who is completely vulnerable and giving themselves permission without them being willing to just accept and take everything that comes with baring your soul. So you're going to hear that in her music. And also I put the GoFundMe link on there too. If you're feeling super called to want to hear this album and you're just totally moved and you can't wait to get your hands on it, I think it's really important to support people where we can. So if you're feeling called at all, go and listen to that. If you want to hear the rest of her album too. And Monique, I literally am like, I can't even tell you what you've done for my life. Just opened up such a vortex for me of joy. I knew that I loved to do this work, but I have to be honest, it wasn't feeling super in my marrow, like in my bone marrow. Like, I wanted to feel so connected to it. And that hasn't started happening until I have really started to play. And like, even if it's not, and I don't want to say, you know, that I'm not or that I'm underplaying who I am, but I'm in the beginning phases. Even if it's not great or even if the poem isn't super deep or if it's not, whatever it is, you guys have to be a beginner somewhere. You have to start somewhere. And you've really helped me ease into being a beginner in creative mode, whatever that is. Or maybe it is just something I play in once in a while, but whatever it is, you helped me to tap into that and really held space for me in so many ways. Whether it was me saying a poem to you with my voice shaking and tears in my eyes and. Or just really being inspired by you being you. And the more you that you are, the more I'm just like, I feel the fierceness inside of me. And I think that is such a gift. So you guys, she is. Go follow her, go find her. Because she is going to gift you with the gift of you discovering yourself in your own yes, girl. So listen to this song. Wherever you are. Close your eyes.

Listen.

Listen to the words or dance or whatever you feel called to, but I have a feeling that you are going to be addicted to the feeling of what she's about to give you. So, Monique, thank you so much. And I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

All right, I'm ready.

Well, first of all, where can we find you? Where can we follow you?

That's not my last question.

You can find me on all the platforms. OniqueFenaBoo. It's all streamlined. I have really fun covers on YouTube. Good, like amazing documentary stuff that's coming out on YouTube. So follow and subscribe there. Instagram's my big one. Facebook fan page, all the things.

And we will link that all up for you guys. So go into show notes and you can just go and see everything there. Okay, so last question. You're in a super fast interaction with someone, whether it's on the street or in an elevator, but it's a total stranger and it's only 30 seconds and they look at you and they say, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

You can take a breath, try and feel what it really feels like to be you and do what your soul says without justifying it comparing and see what happens.

Oh, man. Amen. And you guys get ready because we're going to play that song right now.

So thank you so much.

So much, Monique, I love you. I'm so grateful for you. And you guys, make sure you share this episode with anyone that you know is feeling called to something bigger, feeling like they are having trouble getting something.

Out in the world.

Feeling judged, feeling comparison. Make sure you share it right now. Make sure you text it with your friends. And we would love to see what you took away on your stories, what you think of the song. So make sure that you tag me and Monique in your stories. And until next time, everyone earn your happy and go ahead and listen now.

Bye everyone.

Open our eyes we see it. We've in between a life ended over and over we're cycling through mess.

Do.

We try more or do we do less? Just breathe, breathe and breathe Just breathe, just breathe, breathe until we turn to what is real Just breathe until we got nothing left to heal Cuz we're all fighting to be heard Fighting for a sense of peace and in the end there's just love and a chance to feel asy can we just breathe dream into our hearts, into our mind into our love Coming back to life let's remember I'm here even when it's not clear and our world falls out Just breathe into our hearts into our minds I just breathe, breathing breath just breath, just breathing to be. A chance to. Weary turn towards Just breathe until you got nothing left to heal Just breathe, Just breathe, breathe just breath, breath breath just breath.

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