390: You should be asking this question daily!

It made me realize that I need to be so clear and I have to know so much that it doesn't matter whose opinion comes at me ever. Because this is why I'm here and this is what I'm doing. And I'm not going to die without doing it. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

Foreign.

Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast and it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I am about 24 hours away from flying to Monaco. So while you are listening to this, I may be on my way back potentially. So I'm really excited. I have never been there. I'm always excited to travel because I think travel just brings so much perspective. And I have to tell you that I didn't used to like to travel much because I was so rigid in my routine that it freaked me out. I always felt like I would be out of control if I wasn't in control of my routine, of my food, of my sleep. And I'll tell you that as I have traveled, traveled so much overseas that I realized that, yeah, you really technically don't have a lot of control over exactly what time you're eating, what you're eating, what will be on the menu, can you get access to certain things. And at the end of the day, I have learned that if you go with the flow and you actually let go that you kind of fall into a rhythm and everything is just fine. And you are just fine. So with that said, I'm really, really excited to fall into the rhythm. I'm only there for about five or six days, so not a ton of time to fall into the rhythm. But you know, it's going to be awesome. So I'll tell you all about it because I know that I'm going to learn a lot. I learn so much with every trip that I take. And this is part of my friend's mastermind Rob Murgatroyd. He has been on the podcast before, and I'm just, like, super excited. So I'll tell you all about it when I get back. All right, so today I want to give you a set of questions that is going to give you a reference point for a lot of decisions in your life that you can make for taking big leaps and making big decisions, and just even who you want to hang around, who you want your mentors to be, what podcasts you want to listen to, what books you want to read. And this came from the fact that Chris and I have both listened to the same podcast and not naming any names whatsoever, but we both listened to a podcast that we really, really loved, but at the same time, it really challenged us because some of the opinions on it we did not love. We felt like it could really stop a lot of people from taking the action that they need to. And, you know, when we got home, because we were both on a run and we were listening to it, I said, you know, there's. There's a question that I keep on asking myself. And I. I don't even remember where I got it, but I think I probably got it from one of my podcast guests. But every time you feel a certain way about something, obviously everything to me is feedback. So even if I don't like the information that this person is necessarily giving, or maybe it's, like, freaking me out a little, or maybe it's making me feel like I'm questioning myself, or maybe it's making me feel like, oh, well, I'm. I'm afraid to go and do that thing because this person could pick me apart, or this person might think I'm a fraud or, oh, my God, you know, this is the first time I've ever done this. And, you know, if this person thinks this, then why would I even start? Or whatever that looks like, right? So something that I've been asking myself is, does this make me feel like I'm expanding or contracting? Do I get a feeling of expansion when I'm listening to this? Or contraction when I'm around this person, do I feel like I'm expanding or contracting? When I read this book, am I expanding or am I contracting? So there's usually not like an in between. It's not like a, oh, I'm just neutral. It's usually one or the other. And if. If you don't feel like it's one or the other, then just ask a little bit deeper and feel into it. So for me, this was really interesting because I asked myself this after this certain podcast and some of the topics that they were talking about. And it was kind of about like, you know, if anything, I felt like it could deter some people from getting started on their dream because it's kind of like talking about how there's so many people out there who don't have good intentions and they're fake and whatever that looks like. And I was like, well, you know, who are we to actually say that? And who are we to ever even know certain intentions? So I asked myself, does this make me feel expansive or contracted? And my answer was actually contracted. But I said, okay, why? Because you can't end there. If you end there, you don't get to grow. You don't get the real answer. So I kept saying, we went really, really deep into this. So I said, okay, if we, you know, if I feel contracted while listening to this, because it was. There was also very expansive parts if I feel contracted while listening to this, why? And I was like, oh my God, I'm afraid of being challenged when I do new things. Like, I'm afraid of somebody challenging my beliefs who I think is a men, like, super superior to me or a mentor and even saying that. I get it, guys, like, that's a problem within itself. But I'm a human being and we all have this place where we're like, no, I think they're a superior, they're ahead of me or though they're a mentor or no, I may have put them on a pedestal on accident. It happens. So, and that's, that's a thing for me, like, I will always speak to you so honestly. And this is real for me. So I have to take people off of pedestals. And when I say pedestals, it's like making. Having me think that they are better than me because maybe they are ahead of me or I think they're more spiritual than me or what, Whatever. I'm sure that you can totally relate. So I went deeper into this question. I said, well, why do I feel contracted? Is it because of the information they are saying, or is it because I'm a afraid and a lot of my contractions come like, I feel contracted because it's something that I am afraid of. And the more that I started looking at this, I was like, oh, I'm afraid of being challenged in some of my beliefs. And I thought, so what would happen if I did get challenged by someone that I really look up to or. Or if they, you know, decided that they don't like me and I Had this epiphany moment of like, well, it doesn't matter, because they just don't know and, you know your intentions. And I added some really colorful swear words to it that made me feel really good, actually, and really rooted. And I was like, they don't freaking know me, and they don't know my intentions, so who are they to even judge? And that's okay. They're allowed to have their judgments and their perspectives because they also have life experiences, and I don't know them. And I thought that was just such a beautiful place to be of, like, well, it would be okay if they don't like me anymore, because I like me, and I know why I'm doing it. And what it made me do is get so freaking clear on what I really want. And it made me realize that I need to be so clear and I have to know so much that it doesn't matter whose opinion comes at me ever, because this is why I'm here, and this is what I'm doing. And I'm not gonna die without doing it. Because if we are on this planet, here's the thing, you can have an existence. You can just exist, and that's great, and you can enjoy it, and you can just be. And that is beautiful. But I really believe that the opposite of depression is purpose. And I believe the opposite of depression is progress. And I believe the opposite of anxiety is action. So I want to live a life where, yes, I'm being, and yes, I'm present, and yes, I'm enjoying, and I'm grateful, but I'm also action. I'm also creating my purpose. I'm also doing something that challenges me. So I want you guys to constantly be asking that question. And if you are in a place where you're like, oh, I don't like them. They make me feel contracted. Ask why? This is not about making yourself feel better by making someone else feel bad or you making someone bad. If that's what these questions are doing, you're not going deep enough. Because what it should do is find free you to see that you need to be super solid and rooted in your beliefs and that you can still love and respect that person from afar, even if they don't agree with you or love you or even like you or if they challenge you. And that's awesome, because challenges are so important. Those people who don't support you, so important because it teaches you to support yourself, which is vital. Those people who don't believe in you, so important because it teaches you to Believe in yourself those people who challenge you. So important because it teaches you that you need to believe so firmly in yourself and let it be okay, that if your belief yesterday is different from today, like, let yourself be wrong. And that was another thing. I was like, you know, if I'm challenged or I put out the wrong information or something that wasn't, you know, great for someone. And this is what we're really afraid of, maybe putting something out that's harmful to someone without realizing it, right? Maybe not doing all of the work that we need to do or the research or whatever that looks like. You guys, you'll be just fine. You can fix it. You will figure it out. You can say, I was wrong, I'm sorry, here's what I'm doing, I'm wrong, I'm sorry, here's what I'm doing. And if you want anything successful, a relationship, a business, you're going to have to do that often. You're going to have to do that often. Because the only way to know where you should be going and what you should be doing and what you should be thinking is to take action and get the feedback and that's it. And readjust. Take action, get the feedback, readjust. You don't get anywhere just thinking about it. You don't get anywhere just meditating about it. You don't get anywhere just manifesting it or doing a vision board. It's massive action, you guys. So the question, is this making me feel more expansive or more contracted? Is this making me feel expansive or contracted? If it's making you feel contracted, don't stop asking why until you've freed the other person and not made them bad and taken full ownership of exactly why it's making you feel contracted. And here's the thing, if the answer is like, yeah, I don't think their intentions are awesome, and that's the deep rooted, true answer for you in that moment, then that's also your answer. Like, awesome. That's great. They're on a journey. Like, let them go. Don't hold them as prisoners in your mind. Like when we hold somebody in our mind and can't forgive them, or we're mad at them, or we're so upset at what they said. Like, you are taking prisoners in your mind, you're putting them in a cell. And here's the thing, is that prisoners have to eat and they take up space. So you have to feed them all of the time, which is what you'll do. And they take up space in your brain. So you are giving them all of your energy. And there's when you have prisoners, so many prisoners locked away, whether it's stuff that's happened to you or these people who were mean to you or these things that you're going to do or you're going to get them back or you're going to show them like you have no energy to do anything else and there's no room for expansion. So release your prison, let them go, know that they are on a journey, send them love, don't hang out anymore, maybe don't listen or don't do the thing and then move forward. Move forward. Progress.

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So I'm sending you guys so much love. I hope that this helps today. Wherever you're at, I always like to hear how it hits you where you know even where we are. Am I in with you? Are we on a run? What are we doing? Where are you at in your life? How did this make you feel? Because I love the feedback. So you guys sending you so much love and I am off on my trip.

Okay guys, thank you.

I'm so grateful for you. Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.