394: Making and Taking On Big Changes with Erica Williams Simon

Hi, everyone. I'm so happy you've tuned into the show. Whether you have listened before or you're brand new, I'm so grateful for you. You have no idea. And this episode is brought to you by my Become Aligned course. And podcasts are amazing. And I know that you know that because you guys all listen to them, and I do, too. And sometimes they are not necessarily enough because while we're listening, sometimes we're passively listening and we're not actively listening. So the reason that Chris and I. Chris is my husband. The reason we've created this course is because we get asked so many questions outside of the podcast on how we started living the life that we live now. A life of happiness, of abundance, of really understanding that life is always full of problems every single day, but there's always a solution. And how do we shift back into a mindset that's going to keep us happy, keep us together, keep us successful, and keep us in thriving relationships? And that is what our, our Become Aligned course is about. You guys, we cover everything from mindset to the rituals that we do every single day. We talk about different energy sources that's really gonna provide you with lasting energy. We talk about your purpose and what that actually means, what it is and how it's ever changing. We're gonna tap into your beliefs, we're gonna show you how to build a tribe to support where you're going. And we're definitely going to talk about wealth, abundance, money, all of the good things, and how to sustain all of this. Because while, like I said, POD are absolutely awesome, you don't necessarily sit down and actually write out a plan for yourself. Because as much as I can sit here and tell you on the podcast, what we do and how much, how many different people that I can interview, it's important that you actually learn how to apply these things in your own life. So if you've been listening for a while and you are ready to go deeper and you really want to get some direct training and be able to dive into your life and yourself and your mindset, this is the course for you. I don't know about you, but I absolutely have points in my life where I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes I hit walls where I don't necessarily feel happy anymore, and I haven't sat with myself long enough. I haven't really let myself think. I haven't written out how I actually feel. And so many people who took this course said that it was completely life changing and they revealed a lot of things about themselves, about them, about their lives, about their relationships that they weren't really looking at or they were avoiding. And it's about having those tough conversations, not only with other people, but really with yourself and knowing that you have the tools and the access to the tools. And we're going to teach you all of the tools that you need not only to move through things, but to actually thrive on the other side. So, you guys, I would love for you to join the aligned community. It's such a special group of human beings and you get lifetime time access. This is nine different modules where you're going to be working through each area of your life at your own pace. So you might need something on abundance, you might need more on, you know, money, you might need more on your purpose on your tribe. This is where you can really go deep on exactly what you need and make sure that you're not missing any of your blind spots. If you are feeling stuck or if you are wondering how everyone is doing it and how they're managing it all. This is a truly honest course about how to have a thriving life and manage and deal with all of the different problems that do come up in your life and understand that not everyone is going to support you and not everyone is for you and you are not for everyone. And that's okay. It's finding your people. It's forgiving yourself. It's creating a life of abundance and choosing your own purpose and your happiness. So, you guys, you can go to becomealigned.com that's becomealigned.com and you guys know that because you're listeners, I'm going to give you an awesome deal and an awesome discount and I cannot wait to see you in that community. And also let me know if you join because it is such an awesome, awesome community. And also I'm really proud of this course. Chris and I poured our heart and our soul into this. Everything that we've done, everything that we've learned, we've invested so much, so much into ourself that this is everything that we have applied in our lives. And if you want to know how we've done it, we put it all on the table. We've put it all in this course. So if you want to know, go check it out@becealigned.com so let's get into the show.

So, in a very kind of cerebral world where you're not supposed to talk a lot about faith and spirit and you know personal development and growth, even though that is at my core who I am.

Welcome to the Earn your Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get better, focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

Foreign.

Welcome back to the show. My guest today is Erica Williams Simon. She has worked in and around the highest level of every change focused industry in America, politics, tech, media and faith and in the process unlocked the truth about creating change in a culture hell bent on maintaining the status quo. From her days as a Washington insider all the way to the times at the Creator's Lab at Snapchat, the sports preacher's daughter has spent her life inside and outside of major industries driving the honest conversations that help a diverse generation ask critical questions, build fulfilling lives and change the world. She is also the host of the popular podcast the Call with Erica. This is reaching an audience of 1.5 million people. She's also the co host of the assembly which is a non traditional talk series executive produced by Rosario Dawson. And her first book which is now out called you deserve the Truth is so incredibly good. You guys. I can't wait for you to listen in this conversation. I literally fell in love with this woman. We had a beautiful, energetic connection and I know that you will pick up on that because I'm sure if you were sitting across from her you would feel the exact same thing too. So I can't wait for you to drop into this conversation that we had. Let's get started. Erica, thank you so much for coming on the show today. I'm excited to have you on and talk about your new book and everything else that you have going on in your life.

Thank you so much. Lori. I'm so excited to talk to you.

I have a secret love for authors or people who are especially first book people because I literally feel like I'm still in it because I just, I love hearing about the journey and I will tell you that majority of my listeners want to do something like write a book or get their story out there or get in the room. So before we get into anything else, I want to know how you're feeling in this exact moment and, like, what's going on around, like, marketing the book for you.

It's so funny. I actually feel. So the book is coming out right now. I feel really, really great. And it's because I did so much mental, emotional, and spiritual work to feel great for when the book came out, like, I prepared myself. I've seen so many, you know, so many of my friends have written books and have set different goals, like, I must hit a bestseller list or I must, you know, meet these career milestones. And for me, I had a very, very simple goal. And it was, you know, the name of the book is you deserve the truth. I wanted to share the truth to as many people as possible and particularly to as many people in person as possible or to be able to hear my voice. So I designed this book campaign around events around, tour around conversations like this one and a podcast. And so for me, that's where the success comes in and the victory comes in. It's the ability to use my voice directly, engage with people and hear their stories. So I'm really, really excited about that next step.

Were you, you know, since the title of your book is you deserve the truth, was there a part of this book coming out at all? You said you did a lot of work. Was there a part for a while where you were nervous about something coming out or you were nervous about how something could be received?

Not, you know, what the thing that I was actually most nervous about, and this was in the beginning of the book process, so the background of my career, which I know we'll get into a little bit later, but I started out in politics and so in a very kind of cerebral world where you're not supposed to talk a lot about faith and spirit and, you know, personal development and growth, Even though that is, at my core who I am, the book actually chronicles me leaving that world for a host of reasons. But I think the first fear that I had as I was writing it was, wow, all of these people who know me for talking about these very serious issues like politics and social justice, they might think it's weird that I'm writing about how to change your life or that I write about love or faith and money, they might think it's like, you know, quote, unquote, self helpy. I remember when my editor first told me, she's like, no, this is actually a self help book. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is absolutely not that. Because I too had this like a. This negative connotation of what self help meant. And I was like, no, let's call it something else.

She's like, honey, this is where it's.

Going to fit in the bookstore. You call it what you want, but that's what it is.

Call what you want, this is where you'll find it.

This is what it is. And I was like, oh, okay. So that was the only fear I had initially. But that quickly left to when I realized I don't really care what the label is. I'm saying what I wish someone had said to me. And the more I talk about the content of the book and the more I talk about the power of story and changing your life and all those things, the more I realize that is what people want to hear and are looking for and that really is the goal. So call it self help. It's totally fine with me.

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Oh you just shared so much good stuff there and I don't even know where to begin, but I want to kind of unpack what you had said about, you know, coming from the politics world, I was afraid to talk about my faith or I was afraid to talk about self help or whatever love all those things around that I find that we I have so many people who always ask me how did you start talking about faith in the work that you do now? Or how did you leave fitness and you get into self help? What did that look like? Because they're always so afraid of mixing them and it's crazy because with your book I can only imagine because this is what happened for me. So I want to hear about your journey. You sit down and you try to write a chapter about a topic and you almost don't even know how to keep it to that topic because everything is connected.

Yeah.

Like I didn't know how to unweave it. So how do you go about explaining to people like you actually can't even support yourself in politics and in the world you were in if you're not feeling connected or taking care of yourself.

No, exactly. And I also feel like this is the right moment culturally and socially, when people are starting to recognize that.

Right.

Like, I think a lot of folks post, post 2016, regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, although it'll be very clear when you read the book Where I Fall, I think regardless of that, people felt like, whoa, what is happening in the world?

Right?

The amount of division, the amount of chaos, the difficulty in trying to find what is true, what is not true, what is fact, what is fiction, people who were friends turning into enemies, a focus on injustice. There was just all of this stuff happening. I think a lot of people were saying, okay, I need to figure this out. And this is clearly about something other than just what we've been taught politics is about. This is about something other than numbers and facts and polling. This is about who we are as people. This is about who we are as humans. And you cannot, I don't believe you can even begin to talk about that without addressing spirit, without addressing who we are. When we go to bed at night and no one else is around and you are by yourself in a room, it's just you, right? And we are at our core spiritual beings. Whether or not you choose to acknowledge that or nurture that part of yourself, and that's, you know, that's up to you, but it doesn't change its presence in your life. And so the way that I look in the world, the way that I look at the world and everything that happens in the world is through that lens. And I don't necessarily mean just, you know, spiritual with air quotes or religious.

I just mean I.

And I'm always thinking about who we are as people and how do we really want to live. And if we can't have those conversations, we'll never actually change the way we live.

Right?

And that's something everyone's always trying to do. I mean, literally the entire self help industry was built off of the idea of trying to change something. You want to change your circumstances, your income, your body, your marriage and your relationship, whatever it is. And I just don't know, I don't know any other way to change than to get to the core of what the real issues are.

So tell me a little bit about the stories that you like, some of the main themes and stories that you had learned and carried with you growing up.

Let's see. I mean, so one of the first stories I learned subconsciously was about the value of work, right? That work is inherently value and valuable, and that your value is tied to your productivity. How much you can work, how much money you can make from what you do, how do you measure the impact of what you're doing? And everything was about work. I was rewarded as a kid for working very hard. And I had my first job. I was actually too young to have the job, but we lied. I was working in a physical therapist office as a PC aide when I was 15 years old. And I loved work. I didn't feel pressured to do it. I loved it. But I realized what that meant for me was that in my adult life, if I wasn't working, I didn't know who I was.

Oh, what would that look like? Like, what would that. When you, when you weren't working or when you were alone and when you didn't have something coming up? Like, what does that feeling feel like when you, you know, the moment of, like, wow, I'm kind of sitting with myself.

I felt empty. I felt useless. I mean, even I've already talked so much about spiritual life and spiritual work, and I think I do that because I'm a pastor's kid. So I grew up literally, our church was our family business. I mean, not money making business, but it was kind of what we did. And even then, for me, church was work. I would every Sunday, every Tuesday, every Wednesday, every Thursday. It was something. And so I didn't know how to just settle and think and process and make choices about what I wanted to do. It was just, if there's a task in front of you, you do it. And what that meant in my career was that I had gotten to a point which is kind of the jumping off point for the book, is when I had this. Built this career that looked really great on paper because I had taken that approach to my life and career, which is like, there's a task, do it, accomplish it, overachieve, work hard, burnout. And I got to this point and I was like, oh, do I even really like what I'm doing? Is this even where I want to be?

When you realize that, was it? Because it was just like you had no energy. You were feeling numb. Like, how was that showing up for you?

Well, it wasn't that I didn't have energy. It's that I. I wasn't being myself in my work. So I was, I was playing a part, playing a role, right, of the successful millennial who is, you know, doing good in the world. And this was like a prototype, like, especially for our generation, there's like these prototype millennials. And I felt like I was acting out that part. But it wasn't okay to talk about spirituality or it wasn't okay to talk about arts and culture and creativity and express yourself as a creative being in that industry. It wasn't okay, ironically enough, to talk about race and gender in the workplace. Even though a lot of the issues that we're working on have to do with race and gender. There were all of these rules. And I said, oh, God, that's not really how I feel. It's not really who I am. I. So why am I doing it? No one had forced me to do it. No one was forcing me. It's just I was working and hustling and working and working and working. And so what I talk about in the book is when you really understand how these stories shape your behavior, that's when you have the power to reject them and say, actually, what do I believe about work? Right. That work is not synonymous with job. Work means effort. And I can work in a number of areas of my life, and that doesn't necessarily have to tie to a job, that a job is how you make a living, but your work is how you make your life. And so if I really want to build a well rounded, fulfilled whole life, I can be contributing my effort and energy to things that have nothing to do with making money, the things that have nothing to do with a boss and metrics. But I can actually apply that same level of effort and energy to the things that fulfill me. And that was my new story, was that.

But I mean, I know for me, having experiences like that, it's one of the scariest things to do is to actually. There's that bridge of nothing where you can't see the other side. It's like the bridge to Narnia. It doesn't actually exist. So that gap of faith. And you know, I was flipping through your book and something jumped out at me. It was, faith isn't about, like, switching it from faith is about certainty to faith is about wonder. And I was like, oh, my God, so many people, they don't take that leap because faith is about certainty. So you switching that story, sometimes it feels like it's not even going to happen or it doesn't exist. So what do we do in the trance? Like, what do we do in the transition of flipping a story?

Yeah, I think you have to be. You have to get comfortable with discomfort. Right? It is not comfortable to not know where you are. It's like the kind of old parable in the Bible story of, of walking on water, right? And we use that term a lot. You walk on water and everything is going to be okay. And I'd always heard that growing up. And so I like took my leap and I'm like, no, no, no, no. This is not okay. This is very scary. This is not normal. This is not comfortable. It doesn't feel good. And you have to kind of be okay with that. I think having a good support system around you, having some people who understand that and can encourage you in the process and not accept, expect things of you. I think when I first walked away from my career because of this kind of quote unquote brand that I had built for myself as like this ambitious, overachieving, always, you know, clear and directed and mission driven, people naturally were like, oh, okay, so what are you doing?

What's next?

What are you doing? Did you start a business? Are you consulting? Are you going to take this job? Like, it was all of these questions. Having my partner, having my husband who was there to be like, that matter, just, we're good, take the time, figure it out. Like, having someone who was okay with that uncertainty alongside me was very, very helpful for those moments when I kind of was panicking about it all.

So for a lot of people who listen, I know that they talk about that transition period of what's next. But I want to know what it actually feels like in the day today. So I know you have the support of your husband, which is huge. Like getting that supportive group or just somebody.

Right.

Sometimes you just need one person. But what are those look like when you kind of have to be talked off the ledge when you're like, I, you know, you're spiraling.

Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of crying.

Yep.

There's a lot of, like updating the bio on your website, you know, setting up meetings with people and not know what you're going to talk about. There's, there's all those things, but, but, but really there's a lot of reading, a lot of listening to podcasts, a lot of trying to find stories of other people who are going through the same thing. Which is part of why I wrote the book. Because I think again, just knowing that you're not alone, knowing that what you're experiencing, particularly in this moment in history, in our society, with the current economy, just with the way I think humans are evolving, that experience of needing to transition, of needing to figure something else out, is Actually very, very common. So that reminder that you're not alone and doing whatever you need to do during the day to remind yourself of that, even for me, I literally by the end of this process, had post it notes covering a six foot tall mirror in my room. As cheesy as it sounds, just affirmations, things that I was saying to remind myself of, okay, what are my values? What do I believe to be true? And also that the path will make itself known and make itself clear. My husband always says, the table will set itself. Your job is just to be present and to show up.

So hard to trust that.

Oh, it's so, so hard. It's so hard. The other thing I was just recently telling someone who's going through a similar experience now, I was telling them that sometimes in the interim, right, when you're trying to figure it out, what is my next step? What am I called to do? What is my purpose? These kind of big existential questions. You're so afraid to get it wrong that you don't say anything, that you're just kind of quiet and you're trying to wrestle with all of this in your own head, inside of your home, in your car, by yourself, like, I'm going to journal till I figure it out, right? And the truth of the matter is that even for me, my career transition, the decision to launch a business, the decision to move, all of that happened as a result of me talking out loud actively to people on a regular basis about what I was thinking and what I was feeling. And I don't mean like pouring my heart out every chance I got, but I could wake up on a Monday and have a great idea for a business and like, okay, this is what it is. This is what I'm going to do. If I had kept that idea to myself, it would have never evolved. So I would take a coffee with someone and say, hey, this is what I'm thinking about doing. And sometimes they would say, that's great, cool. Didn't have anything to add. Other times they would say, oh, you know who you should talk to? You should talk to my friend. And I'd meet their friend and as a result of a conversation with their friend, my idea would evolve because I'd be exposed to something new. We are so often afraid of saying the wrong thing or being perceived as someone who doesn't have it all together that we shut ourselves off from the growth that happens only in fellowship with other people.

Oh man, I'm so glad you shared. That's. This is such a huge Thing, you guys, for you to get that, you have to speak it into life. And it's not like if you say it once and you feel like you want to start something or it's this big idea or who do I think I am to do this, that it's something you even have to do. But I'll tell you the craziest thing is those words, like, they create something. They create something sort of vibration in the universe, because truly, it's like you actually feel if it's correct or not for yourself, like, when you start to speak it into life sometimes. Have you ever started something where you're like, yeah, actually, the more I explain that to people, the more I'm like, me, Maybe not.

Yes. That happened to me so many times. And I think that is exactly what people are afraid of. I was. I was. For a period of time, I was afraid that, like, suppose I say something one week to a person, and then six months from now, I talk to them again. I'm not doing that thing. Do I look like a loser? Do I look flighty? Do I look. And let me tell you, no one actually cares. The truth of the matter is, they're not paying attention anyway.

Right?

This big transition, that is so big for you and rightfully so. Right? You're trying to figure out your life. It's actually not that big for everyone else around you. They're not sitting up every day saying, hey, I wonder what Erica's doing. Didn't Erica say she was gonna do? No one's thinking about it.

No.

If anything, they're sending good vibes, good energy your way. They want you to succeed. They want you to win. So kind of speaking to people with that premise in mind that, like, it's okay if what I say changes or if it doesn't feel right after I say it. That is actually how you get closer to what is right.

Right.

Oh, my God.

You.

I think you actually. I can't remember a time when I haven't done that, that it's. You know, it's been something that I move forward on, and I think something that we can do is, like, give if. If we need to give ourselves permission while we're saying it. Like, recently, I've been doing it because I'm trying to give myself permission over something. I'm speaking into life, and I'm like, hey, I'm playing with this idea, but I need to start talking about it. Like, can I start, you know, can I share this with you? Sometimes we need to just, like, premise it with Something like that.

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That's so. That's such a good suggestion and so true.

So what does faith is about wonder to you mean like what? Explain that, explain that to everyone.

You know, I, I come from a very, very religious background and not just because my own unique personal story, right. Growing up as a preacher's kid, but if you grew up in the US anywhere in the 90s, early 2000s, late 2000s, you know, the idea of religion has kind of always been this big topic of conversation in the public square, right? And it was always about do's and don'ts, rules, exclusivity. You are a good this or a bad this, or you're not one of these at all. And the only way to be this is to do this. It was just, it was a lot of certainty, right? A lot of this is exactly what we believe and we know to be true. And if you don't agree or if you have any doubt or any questions, you're not this. And the result, I think, is that people turned away not just from religion, but from, again, from these conversations around faith and spirituality altogether, because it didn't feel like it was a place that allowed for questions. And what I learned over time was that more important than me having any answers was me having a sense of awe and wonder for the things that I don't understand.

Right?

That's a. I call it like a heart posture. My heart Posture on a daily basis is one of wonder and awe. I don't understand everything about what I call God. I don't understand it all. And that's okay. It doesn't make it not real. But it also doesn't mean that I am any less worthy of a fulfilling spiritual life. It doesn't mean that I'm any less worthy of being a part of a spiritual community. It just means that I've chosen to focus my attention and focus my devotion on the idea that I don't know everything and I don't need to know everything. What I can do is be in a position of awe and wonder and gratitude on a daily basis. And I found that in doing that, my life has changed so dramatically. Just the way that I look at the world, I see more good because I am looking with one.

I resonate with that so deeply. I was raised really religious, so going, you know, it was always just like, that is right and that is wrong. So, you know, on this path to following your purpose, following what feels good, figuring it out, there's a lot of having to go against, like you write about all in your book, go against these super ingrained stories that are in your family or in your circle. So, so what do we do when our circles are really, really like against whatever it is that we're doing? Whether it's them trying to protect us, I mean, it normally is, but you know, because it's going against their story. What do we do?

Yeah, I mean, I think there are two answers. One is that there are periods, and this doesn't sound good and nobody wants to tell you the truth about this, but it is true there are periods where you, you may have to be alone. And I know that's hard because as humans we are hardwired for connection. But I do believe that there are parts of our journey that no one can take with us and that we will have to be by ourselves. I don't mean you literally can't hang out with your friends, you can't be around your family. But there are times when you might feel a little bit alone in terms of that sense of disconnection from the people that still believe the stories that you no longer believe. This is where I found it incredibly helpful. I know the Internet gets a bad rap in most circles because it encourages so many things that maybe are not good for us. But I do think the core, one of the core purposes of technology is to be able to allow for connection with people that you might not know in your real life. So being Comfortable. Starting to find groups online, share things, share content and stories online that you believe to be true and allow other people to find you. Your people are there. I kind of start most things that I do now with the premise of my people exist. They just have to find me. And your people can't find you if you're not vocal. Your people can't find you if you're hiding. That was actually one of the reasons my friends friends were encouraging me to write a book. They're like, no, no. You have so much to say. And you talk to folks every day about these things. The rest of the world needs to hear it. They can't find you because you didn't write a book. Like, write the book so people can find you. And I feel that that's true for when you feel isolated or separate from the people that you were raised around that you grew up with. You got to get even louder then about what you believe so that more people, new people, new family can find you.

Yes. Oh, my God, a million times yes to all of that. So what about the people who you start speaking really loudly in and they leave in a huff?

That's tough.

That's tough.

You cannot control other people's reactions to who you are. Right. I don't believe that you being someone new automatically means that you're gonna lose everyone around you. Right. And in fact, what you'll find is oftentimes, even if who you are and what you believe makes them uncomfortable or is different, if they truly, truly love you, they will be happy for you. So I don't wanna kind of paint you this gloom and doom. Picture that like, okay, be new and then lose everything that's close to you. But it could happen with some people, and I think being as loving and compassionate as you can for where they are. Right. Understanding that, well, you being new, you believing something different, you kind of aligning your life more with your values might trigger something in them about their own life. It might challenge a story that they believe to be true that now they're starting to question. And as you know, that's difficult. So having a bit more compassion for that and still saying, you know, I can't be around something that's toxic to me, if you don't love me enough to say, then that is your choice. But not internalizing that sense of anger or betrayal or, you know, kind of hurt and pain, even though all those feelings are natural, not internalizing that too much because it is likely much more about them than it is about.

So what's the narrative that you create in your mind to start moving towards compassion. You know, when you're in that story and you're like so upset with someone or you feel like you just want to explain to them and explain your stance, like how do you flip wasting that energy from that into having compassion for where they could be at?

This is going to sound really silly, but it works for me. I actually picture them as a child.

That's so good. I love that.

Because they are someone's child. Yes. But we all have parts of us that we are who we are because of the influences that we had in our lives, because the experiences that we had. And so if I think of them as that. If I think of them as also a person who is evolving and growing and has hurts and has blind spots the same way I still have blind spots and certainly had them before. Right. If I kind of view them as that, you know, I was raised with the idea that I'm no worse than anyone. Right. I have a healthy level of self confidence, but I'm also no better than anyone. It just happens to be a way that they are exposing an insecurity that they have or a challenge that they have. And I can see it. But I have things that I don't want exposed that other people I hope don't see in me. So I try to kind of remember that. And again, it doesn't mean I have to subject myself to their toxicity. It doesn't mean I have to be around them all the time. But just trying to transform that energy. And if all else fails, I go back to like my Sunday school. God loves them just like he loves me. Right?

I call on all of it. I'm just like, bring in the child, bring in God.

Let's bring in everything else. And we're not.

We're not perfect, right? Like, let's be very clear.

I have some supremely petty tendencies.

Like, it just.

It's real. I can be very petty. But I try to curb that with what I just said.

I'm literally right there with you. We catch ourselves, we catch ourselves fast.

That's the thing.

You just gotta catch yourself.

So I wanna know. You talk a lot about changing stories, which I believe is just like the most powerful possible thing that we can do. And I just find it so interesting how no matter how much you work, there's always just another story underneath another story. And thank goodness. Cause life would be boring, I guess, if we just woke up and everything was perfect. But what is something a story right now that you are Transforming in your head or working on transforming that something that's coming up in your life that you feel is a bit of a block.

You know what? I just said this the other day, that this is the old story and the one that I am challenging right now. But that popularity is essential for success.

Oh, man.

Yep. Right. Especially now, like putting a book out into the world. Right. Are all the right people retweeting me and, you know, are all the influencers with air quotes? The influencers? Are they all talking, like, this idea that you have to be whatever is considered popular in order to be successful? And I'm really pushing against that and challenging that and saying, like, no, no, no, no. Success for me is about impact. And impact for me actually is not always about scale. It's not always about metrics. It's about meaning. But that is really hard. Even something you just said, like, it's shocking how no matter how much we do this work, there's still stories to unpack. And that's because. And one of the things I really spend a lot of time in the top of the book talking about is we live in a world that is made up of stories.

Yes.

Like, most of it, we didn't come. We weren't born believing one thing or another. These are all around us. And in particular this generation, folks who are coming of age now with technology and mass media and marketing, we are bombarded with stories every day. So the only way to kind of maintain what you believe to be true and maintain your values and your outlook and new stories is with what I call rituals of resistance. You have to exist actively and intentionally, because if you're not, I mean, it's very, very easy because the stories are all around you and you have to kind of. You have to play in the world where those negative stories do exist in order to kind of be a functioning person in society.

Yes.

And that's what's hard. So it's a constant practice.

So would you say it's kind of like, explain more about understanding how it's there? Because, man, I so feel you. That book just brought up all of that. And it's funny because my book is literally about that as well. Like building your own tribe so that you don't have to fall into that story. But yet I found myself falling into that story of. But this book won't get out if I don't know these people. It's not getting in the right hands. The right people aren't seeing it, whatever that looks like. And then you have to go Back to what you said. You said something so beautiful. Just challenge what the meaning of success for this book or whatever you're doing or creating really is. Like, what is that meaning of impact? Like, having to go back there.

Yeah. Yeah.

So I, I, I'm like, I think I asked a question in the beginning, but I'm just gonna go like, I.

Think you did too. I cannot remember what it was.

Well, I don't either, so I'm gonna go on to my next one. It's so funny. I'm so that podcast also, I'm like, guess what? Forgot what I just said. So I have a. I want to know about shifting the story around your identity, like just who you are. Because, man, especially being raised in a religious family, just there's so many ways that we can look at ourselves and how we are meant to show up in the world. And I grew up in just a lot of fear and shame. And that really has played a role in a huge part of just how I showed up in the world. So how do we start shifting this identity that truly feels like this is who I am am.

Right. I think it's a lot of it has to do with experimentation, which sounds crazy. I don't mean like you have to experiment with wild and crazy things.

It starts with drugs, everyone.

That's the first step.

No, but being willing to step outside a little bit of what? Here, let me put this in practical terms. So I found myself even at the end of this journey when I was kind of in a new life. I moved cross country, I had a completely new job, I had a business. I was just like living. Everything looks new. I found myself still saying the same things about myself though. Right? I was still saying like, oh, but you know, I'm like filling the blank of whatever self deprecating thing I was saying. Right? Like I am, oh, I'm so type A. I'm so uptight, or, you know me, I'm stressed all the time, or, you know, oh, no, I don't ever want to be up front. Whatever. The thing was that I'd always been taught about myself, I was still saying that and believing it, even though the outside side of my life look different. And so that was sign number one to me that like, oh, wait a minute, if everything else has changed, why do you still feel the same way about yourself? Why are you still confessing and saying these things? So when there's like cognitive dissonance, when there's a gap between the life that you're trying to create and the words that you say about who you are, that's the first indication that maybe there's some identity work needed there, right? And then even within that, okay, so then if you know that the person that you're talking negatively about or that you were taught to be is not who you want to be, then the journey begins of figuring out who that is. And it's not like a clear, easy. Like, there's no user profile for you. You weren't born knowing, like, oh, I'm that person. It evolves, and I think eliminating the expectation that you can create this, like, really neat user profile that says exactly who you are from now till the day you die, there isn't that thing, right? All, you know, all you have is your intuition and the reflection of the people around you to know. Kind of you're what I call wayfinding. There's not a clear path. You're responding to feelings, you're responding to circumstances, you're responding to things around you and kind of moving as a result of that and evolving and figuring it out as you go. And so I think the same is true for your identity. Understanding that, okay, these things that I've been taught don't reflect how I feel on the inside. What can I do that does better reflect that? And I think if you continue to try to make those small steps, you'll wake up one day and realize, like, oh, I'm actually. Actually a different person than I thought I was.

Oh, man, you just. You brought up so much. You actually just brought up so much for me there. Thinking about how we can, you know, part of our story is what we either teach from or what we identify with, even though we're past. And sometimes we can feel like if we don't share certain parts of our story that we won't be understood because there is a time, Erica, it might be right now for you or in the future or whatever that will look like where you have done so much work and so many things that you don't. You know, you don't identify. Just like I don't identify with certain things that happened in the past in my life. But then you can also, like, feel like you are not. What's the word? Like, not relatable. Because you almost feel like you need to keep bringing in the story and bringing in the story. At what point do you just kind of, like, trust and have faith and stop feeling like you have to keep that identifier because it might be holding you back? Like, well, I used to have panic attacks. Well, I used to do this, or I used to struggle with this, or is there not a point?

I think it's a different. It's a different point for everyone. But my. So my corollary to that was, when do I need to stop? Or when can I stop identifying myself based on, like, the organization or company that I used to work for? Right. Because, like, those were, oh, you worked for this particular really successful famous person in D.C. or, oh, even most recently, oh, my God, you worked for Snapchat. And I would always feel like, if I don't have those qualifiers, am I qualified? Right. If I don't say those things about myself.

I like that.

I gotta write that one. I'll use that. But that is just work. Part of it was me saying, well, do those things reflect who I am now? Are they even things I not just need to be affiliated with, want to be any longer? Right. And just so much of life is about asking yourself the question. You may not even have the perfect meat cookie cutter answer, but so much is just about stopping, taking the moment to ask the question. Does this thing that I used to say still reflect who I am or where I'm going or who I want to be? If the answer is no, then let's.

Get rid of it.

That is so good. And you literally took me to the moment. This sounds so stupid, but it's just. It was an actual moment in my life where I went to, like, the bio on my website and I went to the bio on my Instagram and I took off, like, two things that I used to cling to, and I was like, this isn't me anymore. That was beautiful. And that was another life. But I don't identify and I don't need it because I really, truly believed to my core that I needed to tell people these things.

Yep.

Yep. And especially, especially as a woman. Especially for me, as a woman of color, as a black woman. Like, I always felt like I had to come into spaces or meet people with just so many credentials or a list of every single thing I've done so that they would think I was.

Worthy to in the room.

And I finally stopped doing that because I was like, oh, no, I'm worthy just because I'm me. You're lucky to be in my presence. Yeah, this is what I said to myself. Like, you're lucky to be in my presence, regardless. I mean, I was dope when I was born. Like, these are the things. While they might sound arrogant, you have to tell yourself to remember who you are. Right. I'm not dope. And smart and amazing. Because I worked somewhere, they wanted me to work there because I was dope and smart and amazing. I am who I am, and I. I take that with me regardless of these past identifiers or past experiences. I don't need the credentials. And again, this is also part of challenging these stories that we've been taught, right, that authority only comes from these kind of labels and titles that we've been given by capitalism or by pop culture or whatever it is. When the truth is, your power exists inside of you. No one else can take it, and no one can. One else gave it to you. And when you really remember that, it kind of. It sets you free.

Oh, my God. I. You are like, yeah, you're speaking straight to my soul. Because that was such a struggle for me for so many years. It was like, they're gonna find out. They're gonna find out. I don't have. Like, I don't have this or I don't have that or I don't have this. And I was like, the. The only story that could ever change it is just the results that I had in my life or the way that, you know, I was able to either help people or the wisdom that I knew that I did it. And if you don't just focus on that. And like, you said, like, you were like, this might sound egotistical, but here's the thing we tell ourselves, and I know you know this, like, every. Everybody listening knows, they probably speak way more negatively, like, 80% negative out of this small amount. Like, we can't tell ourselves we're amazing enough. Like, you know, it's. It's very rare that I'm like, wow, I am just speaking so nice to myself all day long. This is awesome.

Yeah. So.

So what's been one of your biggest challenges in life? Just something that really stands out. That you were like. That was a challenge that truly shaped me.

When.

So When I was 16, my father passed away, and he was kind of just the center of my universe. And I took that at that time to kind of, you know, okay, well, he's gone. I have to step up and fill his shoes and, like, take on this legacy and all this pressure. And I think for me, kind of a real emotional challenge was when I realized that pressure hadn't always led me to a good place. It led me to always feel inadequate. It led me to, you know, kind of stress myself out all the time, and I had to let go that story of being just Tommy's daughter that I am. I am More than that, too. Right. And that was like a big. That was like, oh, let's go to a therapist for that one. Work through that and really find out who am I outside of just my relationship to a particular tragedy in my life.

So who did you find out that you were after that? Like, what started? What were the first things? You know, maybe when you were talking with your therapist or you were talking with friends and really trying to work through it, what were some of the things that you were guided to. To focus on or figure out or take action on to figure the.

That's a good question. Let's see. So some of it was, you know, when you tell that story. Because I tell the story, I even tell it in the book of kind of what that experience was like and what happened and how it formed me and shaped me, how do you talk about it? Do you talk about it as kind of like the central moment of your entire life, or do you talk about it as an experience that impacts but doesn't define you? So one would. Literally just practicing when I tell the story, because that is a crucial part of my journey and how I see the world. When you tell that, reframing how I shape its impact. And don't say like. And so that is who I am. Say like. And that is one of the things that contributes to X, Y, and Z. I think that was the first step. So much of my journey has been about practicing how you say things, practicing how you tell a story about yourself and your life. Because as you said in the very beginning of our conversation, the more you say things out loud, the more real they become.

Oh, man, that's so the truth. So I want to know, especially, you know, from a woman, I really want to hear about how you have changed your story around money. And I think it's so big, especially moving from, you know, pivoting from different careers. And if that's a past part of your story that you needed it or you didn't have it or whatever that story was, how. What was your story growing up around money. And how have you changed it?

That.

Yeah. I mean, money for me, I mean, literally was synonymous with shame. You could swap the words out in one way or another. Like, no matter how it looked, no matter how much of it I had, there was shame tied to it. So, you know, I grew up in an environment. I was kind of, like, always in this weird middle ground where, because of my father's ministry and where our church was and kind of what his calling in the world was, we were Always around and surrounded by people who were really, really low income. I mean, truly, like sometimes didn't have food to eat, would come to our home, didn't have a place to stay, would sleep on our couch. So in that world, which is where 70% of my life was, I was considered really well off because we had a house and I went to a private school and wore a uniform and we took vacations. And so. So in that arena, I was kind of ashamed of having so much more than I felt like I deserved. Then I would go to school and they would know I was actually there on scholarship, not because we had a lot of money and my parents were really scraping by to get me the things that I needed to kind of be at the schools that I was at and the opportunities that I had. I didn't have a car. When I turned 16, I was, I went to this really, really wealthy white private school. I was bused out there. And so in that sense, it was shame for not having enough. I was considered not well off at all. And so in both of those environments, what I was taught was, what I have is not enough. Right? One way or the other, what I have is not the thing I'm supposed to have, I don't have. And so that carried with me throughout life. When I was working in the nonprofit sector, when I was working in politics and I was working in, even in tech, right around literal, literal 28 year old millionaires.

Yep.

Huh. This is different, right? And I would feel those same feelings of shame rise up and I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't drive the same car to work that you do. It sounds so superficial and silly, but these were the narratives I had. So I really had to kind of go back and say, but if none of that was around, if none of the other people were around, what do you believe about money? Like in your dream world, what would money be?

Right?

And money is simply a tool. It is simply one of many tools that we have to create impact in the world. That's it. That's all it is. It is a tool. And yes, it matters a lot to society. And I'm not the kind of person who's going to say like, oh, money doesn't matter. No, it does, it does. But my identity is not tied to it. There is no moral connection to me. Having a lot of it or not having a lot of it has nothing to do with who I am as a person, has nothing to do with my talent, my skills. All it tells me at any Given time is kind of what the market thinks about me. That's very, very different. And so once I did that, I really started to research. I got very nerdy about it and was like, let me understand markets a little bit better. Let me understand how value is placed on work. And I was like, oh, none of this has anything to do with me. Yeah. And the more you realize that, then you feel a bit more empowered to kind of do what you need to do, make what you need to make. Again, I'm not saying I don't think about money. I do. Especially as a woman, I'm like, I'm going to get the bag. Like, I. Like as a woman, I'm determined to.

Get the bag, But I don't.

Again, I don't tie any sense of value or worth to that.

Oh, my God, you just painted such a vivid picture for me. Like, money doesn't care. It's not going to a certain person. And being like, yeah, not for you, you. Or, like, not for you. It's for anyone who understands it. Like, you just figure it out. You figure out, is there an exchange system? Is there? Like, what is the actual value place? It's not about your family. It's not about your past. It's just a thing that if you figure it out, you can create it.

It's.

It's so interesting. It's like, doesn't take anything personal. It just does its thing. It's never going to change.

It does its thing. And to the extent that there are things outside of our control, because, again.

I come from kind of a political.

And social critique background, when I look at the distribution of wealth, when I look at them, there's absolutely injustice there. That also helped me be more empowered to fight against the things that I think are wrong with the systems that control our money. Right. And the systems that control the distribution of money and all of that stuff. So, again, I'm not saying that it's just like, oh, it's just this thing. Everybody can have it equally. And no, no. There are very real systems at play. But part of it is, again, separating who I am as a person from all of that, learning what I can, making the most that I possibly can. I'm also in a good position to impact and help others.

Yes, I love that. So I could talk to you all day, clearly.

Me too.

But this podcast is not that long, so I would love to know, is there anything that we have not talked about that's kind of just, like, on your heart right now?

No.

I mean, I think We've covered.

If nothing else from this conversation. You can tell every time I talk about this stuff, I get super passionate just because I think there needs to be not just a me, not just a you, but so many more of us telling the truth. Right. We're in this moment when it is so hard to hear voices. Truth. And when I say truth, I'm not talking about a particular ideology or a particular. Whether politics or religion, any of that. I'm talking about these fundamental values that show how much power we have as individuals to shape our lives, that it is okay that so many of us are struggling to figure it out. And then if we all collectively come together and say, no, no, no, no, I don't believe that. This is what I believe. Oh, you too? Yeah, me too. Let's get together. Let's talk about that we can not only help ourselves and build better lives as individuals, but I really. This is where kind of like my social change brain kicks in. And I'm like, the more of us that do that, we actually can create a better society. Like, I fundamentally believe that even though it sounds very pie in the sky, that's how it happens. It happens when a bunch of people come together and say no and then say yes to something else. And so I hope my book helps people see what that yes could be and what the something else is for their lives.

Well, your book is amazing, and I want everybody to grab it because seriously, it's written so beautifully. It's written exactly how you speak, I feel like, which is awesome. That's my favorite way to read a book. And you guys, where can we go grab it right now?

You can grab it everywhere books are sold. So Amazon, Barnes and Noble book, the million. My site is youdeservethetruthbook.com and it'll show you the nearest bookstore. It's in hardcover. It's an ebook and audiobook as well.

And where are you going on tour? You just all over the place. Are you hitting certain spots?

I'm all over the place. But coming up in the next couple of weeks, I've got our LA event on the 9th. I've got DC on the 14th. All this is of May, New York on the 15th, San Francisco on the 16th. So all the tour dates are also on youdeservetruthbook.com and we're adding them every day.

Okay. Amazing. And Erica, I'm so grateful for you. Thank you so much for coming on and just being so willing to share your story and for all of the work that you're doing. And I'm sending you so much love on your book tour because I know that that's exactly your favorite place to be is in the rooms with people. So it's gonna be so awesome. And I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

Oh, yeah.

Everybody says, oh. I'm like, it's not that hard. Okay, so you are in passing with a complete stranger. It's like 30 seconds, whether it's on a sidewalk or in an elevator, but it's quick. And they ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

Give yourself some grace.

You're already on the right path.

So beautiful, you guys. That's about all you can say in 30 seconds too. So great, you guys. If you loved this podcast as much as I did, make sure you share it with your friends so that you can share Erica's message with everybody in for real. Go text it to someone you know right now who needs it. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.