395: Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions answered

When you take the stance of blame or somebody trying to, like, really thinking that they are doing something to you, when you're communicating something, that person will immediately shut down and not listen to you at all. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Good morning America.

Good morning, America.

What if your name was America?

I would love it.

Like, America forever. Would you wear a flag everywhere? And they'd be like, do you just really like Merica? You're like, that's my name.

That's my name.

With an A. Yeah. Not just Merica.

Merica.

And you're from the middle of the country. People really love America.

Do that in the south too?

Yes, for sure. Like, it's a very different world. Yeah. So what's new?

I just got this really cool book. It's called start where you are.

Okay, so you finished the Oprah book? I finished the Oprah. Was that like three books ago or.

Yeah, that was.

I was like, a book ago. Do you go in book phases where you, like, read a lot and then you have a year where you can't finish one book?

Yes.

You pick up 25. I had a year like that last year and I'm finally finishing books again.

I think it's okay to give yourself time to finish things. And you don't have to finish every book.

No. Well, clearly last year I didn't finish any, basically.

Well, you were busy.

Yeah, but it was weird. I could not get interested in a book. And now I'm so interested, even some of the ones that I was putting down. But I do think it's because my brain was like, you are in outputting mode right now, not inputting. You were in inputting mode for like seven years. And now it's time to just apply. So it's like that one quote. Oh, at Bliss this year, Samantha Skelly said, and I know I've said it on here before. Consumption without integration equals frustration. Oh, yeah. And I was Just in that mode of, like, let's just integrate and stop consuming. Because I was like, I'm full. I'm full up to my esophagus. It's like when you go to a buffet, it's impossible. I was like, in the buffet of books. So tell me about this book.

Um, it's an interactive journal, and it's really cute and has all these pretty illustrations, and you can draw pictures and you can write your notes.

Oh, my God, it's so cute. It's so cute.

And has little prompts for each one.

Oh, my gosh. Where are you at with it?

I'm. I'm just started.

What have you done so far? What's the questions?

Well, today is what gives you light?

What gives you light?

Isn't that nice?

Yeah, but what gives you light? What did you write?

I wrote Adam George. Family, mom, friends, hikes, trees.

Is. Is Adam your other boyfriend?

Just kidding.

He's my other boyfriend.

I like to have a boyfriend who has the same name.

As I was going to say, it's safer that way. In case, for any reason, you screw up a name. Like when I. When I get second boyfriends, I'm always like, what's your name? Okay. No, it's not going to work now. It's not going to work. This is going to get me in trouble eventually because I'm going to be like, Bobby McFerrin. Yeah. Don't worry, be happy. And he's gonna be like, who's Bobby McFerrin? And I'm gonna be like, don't worry. He's saying, don't worry, be happy. That's all. I didn't go to brunch with him. So that's the key to life and relationships and journal prompts. Okay, so did that make you feel like you were dropping into gratitude?

Yeah.

When you actually write it through your hands.

Yes.

Yeah. That's a really big thing.

Something about writing things down.

I totally agree. I need to do that more. For sure. Do you have a quote? Oh, yeah.

It's actually from my book.

Oh. Well, this book is really giving us a lot of light today. Good.

It's from roomie, and it is. The wound is the place where the light enters you.

That is one of my faves.

So nice.

Oh, man. So I've been thinking about this a lot because, I don't know, I. And we've been talking about this, but yeah, life is equal parts happy, equal parts pain. It just is.

This is.

Why are some phases in life, you're like, no, I remember A time when I was much happier. And then I'm like, was I?

Yeah.

Or was I equally in pain as well? And when you're in resistance of. Pain is such a horrible word because it's related to pain.

Right.

But pain can be like, growth and discomfort, and those are the things that make the good stuff good.

Yeah. I don't get mad when I'm sore from a workout. I'm like, oh, that's good.

Yeah.

Why don't we get. Why do we get so mad when we're sore from life?

I don't know. But that's just the most beautiful thing ever. That that quote needs to go in Oprah's new book.

I don't get mad when I'm sore from a workout.

I don't get mad at being sore from my squats.

So why am I gonna get mad from being sore?

I don't know.

I don't know. I love when I have a sore ass, but I don't like when my brain feels sore. My soul is sore.

Yeah. Sore soul.

Yeah, that's cute.

I like that.

I just have a sore soul. It's because it did a big workout. Like, it did a new workout with a new trainer who was an asshole, and now it hurts. If we look at everyone who makes us feel so have a sore soul as an asshole trainer who's actually trying to help us.

Oh, that's good. I love that.

Like, they're actually trying. Trying to help you in disguise. So if we can put a. Like, if we could, like, see this person in front of us who's expanding our soul by making a soar, and we can put a shirt on them that says Soul Train.

And it would be yellow. Soul trainer.

Soul trainer. We'll be like, they weren't. They weren't mean. They were soul trainers. I like this.

Me too. I'm gonna think of things as soul trainers. Thank you, Lori.

You're welcome. I feel like soul trainers could also be a really comfortable shoe. Ye.

Really cute, too.

No, they're anything called a soul trainer shoe. That's like a puff of cloud is like a massive. I don't know if you've ever seen those hookah shoes. Have you seen. They're okay, so they're super comfortable tennis shoes.

Yeah.

But in. Some are cute. Don't get me wrong. So anyone has hookah shoes. Don't go spazzing on me right now. Like, these are cute while some of them are not. It looks like you are literally a Spice Girl.

Like, oh, like the big white ones.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Those are. People are loving those.

Those are back and in full effect. Let me tell you, in Europe too, they're even extra back. Like, I'll see this beautiful woman in this cute little dress. And then I looked at him like, what. What is happening right now? Are you a robot? But that's okay.

I think the same thing.

But hey, you know what? I might start liking them. I've done this with trends, actually, a lot where I'm like, that is the most hideous thing I've ever seen in. Two weeks later, I have them on and I' like, I'm so tall.

You have like one in every color.

It happens. Like, I'll see one beautiful woman who I think is amazing in them, and I'm like, if I get those, I will be like her. And then I put it on and I'm like, hey, guys. Everyone's like, it's still a bad trend, Lori. Doesn't matter how pretty she was.

Okay, wait, what's your quote?

My quote is by William H. Shed. It's a well known quote. Here it is.

Okay.

A ship is safe in a harbor, but that's not what a ship was built for. Evans.

No, it wasn't.

He didn't write your name in there, but he should have. Yeah, because you're. You're. I was going to say you're a soul trainer, but you're not really in the terms that we were using. But you are a soul soother. You might be a soul trainer for someone that you don't know. Like, they might be at home and you. They might have a picture of your face with a bullseye on your nose and throw darts at it every day, every night.

When they get home, they're like.

Soul trainer, soul trainer. I'm so sore. Or you might be that for someone. Isn't that the weirdest thought? Like, I can't even look at you and think that.

I mean, who knows? Maybe Adam does that when I'm at work.

He might.

He is doing that right now.

He really could be, but I doubt it. He's. He's probably has you up as a soul soother. And you have Velcro, like, around you, and he's throwing those balls at it.

I love that game.

It's such a good game. I mean, who doesn't want balls thrown at their face, you know? But a ship is. A ship is safe in a harbor, but that's not what a ship was built for. What's it built for a ship was built for? I mean, like, to be honest. Let's really talk about how ships are built. Ships are not built by the ship engineer. And they don't go and sit in the office and they're like, don't worry. This is like going to be on a crystal clear, smooth sailing lake. They're like, what is worst case scenario for this ship? Like I need to build this thing for worst case scenario. Like it needs to survive. And guess what? You're built for worst case scenario. You will freaking survive.

That's true.

Yeah.

We have this amazing vessel and this brain.

I like what we're doing here today. I feel as though spirit speaking through us with these ships and vessels.

Me too. And I'm ready to take mine to sea.

Soul Soothers ready. You know what? I'm picturing you as a large capsule. Yeah. I don't know. A capsule of love. And you are ready to just eject in the ocean. You're ready.

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Do you want to hear what someone. Something really nice someone said.

You know what? I would like to hear that every day so we could make this a regular thing in the morning.

You ready?

Yep.

It's from Raphsch. They say obsessed with this podcast. So much love for Lori and Evans. I can't stop listening. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful journey. You're so you Soul shine, girl. Oh, my gosh. Why can't I talk?

I think they're going with this soul thing. Soul soother. Yeah.

Isn't that nice?

That is so beautiful. Was that Raph?

Raph.

Raph, Shh. We're not telling you to be quiet. We're actually saying raph, speak up. Yeah, we love that because your words just penetrated our soul. Like a rainbow penetrates the ground. Yeah. Softly, softly, softly and beautifully. Thank you so much for that. Shooting rainbows over here from that one. Raf. So we realized last week that we. If we are ever in a devastation, in a. What do we call it? A natural disaster with you, you may not want us with you.

No. Because we did not follow any of the rules.

No. We weren't under the Desk. We were like, look at how everything's swinging around. And what we also learned was you might want us with you in a natural disaster because you might take things too serious. And when you're like, like, it's been 10 days with no water, we'll be like, but isn't that funny?

Isn't your soul growing now?

So you decide, maybe you need two other podcasters as well who are really good with, like, survival. But you know what? Your soul will survive.

Your soul's gonna be fine.

Cause we are soul soothers. So if we're running in the streets, you might want to grab us to keep you on. On check with your happiness while you are trying to survive.

Yeah, while you're surviving.

I did realize, though, that maybe we need to do an earthquake drill after this.

I have no experience, so I'll have.

Chris come bang on the walls and stuff and spin the chandeliers and we'll get under the table next time. We can leave our headphones on. We could probably grab these mics.

Yeah, we'll be fine.

We'll give a play by play. Someone was like, oh, my God, this podcast is hilarious. But they were in a natural disaster during that was not smart. I was like, all right, well, you don't. You don't know. Because I was like, it's really fast.

Yeah.

And now I've learned how we act in natural disasters, so. And we're. We'll probably not make it. So there's that today. Do you have a question?

I do. It's actually about you and Chris. Speaking of Chris.

Oh, my.

At Finding underscore steadiness asks, you and Chris are relationship goals. What's your advice for a healthy relationship?

Oh.

Having two at once.

Yeah, having two Chris's at once. Twin beds. And did you ever watch I Love Lucy? She had a great relationship with her husband and they had twin beds. Maybe that's why. Yeah, here's why. So you can. You can go jump in one twin bed quick and do whatever you need to do for the night, and then you jump in the other one and sprawl.

Yeah. Maybe get two queens.

Yeah, I say do definitely. Because a house with two queens. It's a full house, actually. What is a full house? Do you know in poker?

Oh, Lord, no. I don't play those games.

You should.

I don't know how to play that.

I picture you as an old woman playing gin rummy. Do you know how to play that?

I would love to play that game. Poker, not so much. But those fun games. The Mind games.

Gin rummy is a card game, isn't it?

Yeah, but isn't there. There's all kinds of strategy behind it.

Sure.

I think there's alcohol involved. And I. Like I said, I see you playing gin rummy with some sort of Southern drink, and you've got white gloves on. That would be really tough to have white gloves on playing with cards. Okay, let me answer this question, because I don't think we've done it yet.

How do you.

So far, she has twin beds and another boyfriend. Yeah. Bad idea.

No.

Okay. Hey, you know what? I live in la. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel, right? That's fantastic. But I will tell you, the secret to my relationship has been. What was the exact question?

How. What's your advice for a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship. So, honestly, I mean, we've been together a long time. I can't even remember how many years at this point. I think, like, actually 17. Knowing him married, I can't remember because I am a terrible wife. I think it's been 14 years married. I think we'll be. No, I think we'll be 14 this August. Okay, so. So I will say communication, definitely our walks so that we don't go to bed without letting things. Or, you know, if things have, like, bothered us for the day. Really choosing your words wisely. When you take the stance of blame or somebody trying to, like, really thinking that they are doing something to you, when you're communicating something, that person will immediately shut down and not listen to you at all. So a couple things is, like, knowing how Chris best communicates. And you can only learn that through learning that. And a lot of times you're learning that through fighting or, you know. Yeah. Through fallings out, if that's a word. And I will tell you, like, I think the road to get to a place where a relationship is healthy is rocky. And you're gonna have years where you're like, wow, this person is so annoying. Like, for real. He's had it with me, and it's. And I've had it with him. And it's not that. That they're annoying. It's that you are learning how to communicate. And it's really forcing you into a new way of being. Because people think like, well, this is me, and you're not gonna change me. Well, good luck ever staying with someone if you're in that stance because you need to be malleable. Like, is the. Is the ocean like, well, this is me and I'm not moving? No. It's like, I will flex around anything that you want. It's also the most powerful substance in the world. So if you want to be the most powerful substance in the world, flow. Be malleable. But know when you need to, like, I don't know, be a river or a fire hose. But what I'm saying is you need to learn to communicate. You need to be flexible. You need to learn when your partner shuts down. You need to create space every single day to communicate and make it a normal thing. And if that feels weird or if your partner gives you crap up for it, you need to push back on that because there will be. You change every single day by some occurrence that happens to you, and you change a little bit. And also, if you don't tell them what they are like, is something that hurts you, you'll hold it against them and it will come up in a massive fight instead of Chris. And I always say, like, it's just like earthquakes, actually. You want a lot of little earthquakes sometimes because you don't want the big one to strike and have California fall into the ocean. You dig? You want, like, a lot of. You want the Earth letting off a lot of little steam here and there. So it's like, wouldn't you rather have all of those little toots that, like, don't really smell instead of that huge one at the office where it just goes on for 30 seconds? And you're like, there's no avoiding. Like, everyone is going to get gassed by that. We always have one in each episode. So, yeah, not a. Not a toot, but a toot convo. But do you know what I'm talking about? When you're on a date and you're like, if you don't get. If you don't go on a walk and be able to be like, okay, this is. I think this is a safe one. And so is this. And so is this. If you don't walk after dinner, then you are not gonna keep that relationship past the first date. Like, go. That's dating advice, actually, if you want to keep a relationship. If you're gonna go to dinner and eat all sorts of stuff you've never eaten before, that's not going to fly, sister.

You're going to have gas.

You got to go for a walk in the park on a windy day and make sure you're going against the wind. It looks better in your hair anyway.

So your takeaways are communicate, let your toots flow, and that's it. And be like an ocean.

Be like an ocean.

Yeah.

And it's not going to feel fun at first because you're going to be like, this is going against everything that I feel in my body. And then you're gonna have to see if it's worth it and communicate. I don't know. This. This itself should be an hour podcast.

But.

But I hope that that helps.

I think that's great.

Help. What about you, real quick, weigh in on this.

I'm.

What do you do right now? Because you're about to be married and you're in. You're in the part of marriage where, like, you know, you've got. You've got a few months here. Like, you can still run. So can he.

It's weird.

So it's the real important time to, like, you know, you wake up, put that makeup in, that dress on, and be like, yeah, I'm always like this.

Totally joking every morning.

Yeah. Nothing's gonna change after we get married. Little does he know, like, you're still.

Not tooting around him.

Yeah.

Yeah. Can't wait for that ring to be on, like, the next morning. Be like, hey, make this bacon.

You better believe it.

That's coming. It's coming.

November, whatever day.

Pull off the lashes, shave your head, whatever.

Move over.

Move over. This is my bed. You go sleep in the twin bed down the. Down the hall.

Come on.

Suck it. Adam. Get in here.

I'm picturing the teacher and matilda. Remember that Mrs. Trunchbull or whatever she.

No, but I like this a lot.

Hey.

Hey. Meet Second Adam. Oh, Lord.

Do you want another question?

You weren't gonna weigh in on how to keep it. How to keep this relationship vital. Yeah.

Communication. And probably pausing before you to think because, oh, man, times I just say stuff.

Well, I'm gonna make you a shirt that says Paws Patrol. And you literally need to be like, hold me to this, Adam.

Yeah.

And whenever you don't pause, he'll be like, that's a.

That's a.

Not a gun. Yeah. Okay, what's the next question? So we at least do one more.

Okay. It's really great. And the question is. Oh. So her name is Melanie Oligarry.

Beautiful.

And she heard you on Ed Mylett's podcast last year, and you were talking about how you and Chris have very different methods in business. He's more finance numbers, and you're more soul work. So she and her husband are both entrepreneurs and sounds the exact same. How did you figure out and not take things personally? When opinions clashed.

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Well, this is such a good question, because in the beginning, I had to. There's a lot of ego involved, for sure. Like, you start something and you want credit for everything. You don't even realize that you want it. You're just like, wait, I want to be known for the person who does this and this in business. Or there's a lot of, like, the girl boss and boss babe stuff going around. So I do feel that there's. There was. I took. This is just me personally. I took pressure on as a woman, thinking that if I was going to be this quote unquote, like, boss babe or leader, that I had to do everything. And actually, that couldn't be further from the truth if you really want to be a true leader, because a true leader learns what she's amazing at, he is amazing at, and then delegates the rest and lets people shine in their amazingness. So that was really huge for me to understand what a leader really is. It's someone who really acknowledges and sees people for their light and lets them completely take that on and shine. And then you celebrate them. But you also know that they are helping you in such a huge way. Let people help you. It lets them shine in the world. And same goes for you. If you love to help people. Guess what? People love to help you. So I think part of it was like, oh, my gosh. I knew what I naturally did because it felt more easy. And I know that. Melanie, right?

Yep.

I know Melanie knows what feels more natural to her and is where she's more in flow. And I think it's important to have that discussion, what feels easy? What are you really good at? And where could the handoff be? So for me, it was like, wow, I'm not good at following up with people for like, like, coaching strategies. Like, I'm just not good at following up. I'm great at planting the seed and attracting people. But for me, like, I would fall short. So I would notice that and I would get upset and think that I could change it. And while I can change it, if someone does not have this person in their life, I also knew that I had this amazing person who was great at business and coaching. So for a while, it was like, a solid year where I was, like, feeling really weird. Like, he was getting all this credit for, like, coaching and helping people's business grow monetarily. And I wanted that. And then I realized that, like, I'm actually getting that if he's working this business with me, I get that credit. I can take some of that credit, too. And, like, I can actually take credit for having this amazing partner and I can celebrate him and watch him shine. And the more that I celebrated him, the better that we did, and then vice versa. So you got to get out of your own way. Like, it's just full on ego at that point. And it's okay because guess what? We need our egos. It keeps us going. But you also have to know when your ego is, like, stopping you and affecting your relationship. So that was a huge, huge thing for me. Is there one more question? Do we have time? We do.

What are you most excited about in life right now? It's from Samantha Montalbano. Montalbano.

Oh, there's a couple things, but I want to know what you're most excited about in life.

I'm excited about starting something new.

Yes. We're going to talk about that. I mean, this is truly going to happen.

Yeah.

No, I've made it my goal too, to be honest with you. I'm thinking of being some sort of, like, investor or something in it. So we'll see. I really have, like, thought of this business plan.

It's really nice. Yeah.

So we'll see where that goes. You don't know nothing about it, but I mean, you know a lot about it because it's you. My business plan is thriving off of your personality, so I'm really hoping that you're all for it. Yeah, but it's your plan. Everything you want to do anyway. I guess what I'm saying is I believe in you.

Thank you.

Like times a million. I know you're supposed to do something really huge, like you could literally be Ellen DeGeneres if you wanted. You're one of the fun. You're one of the funniest people I know. And I think that it needs to be in a business. Yeah.

Thank you for saying that.

And you could be called the funny box. That's not what the business is. But when you send, it could be like you're getting a funny box. I don't know.

I can't breathe. I can't.

So I can't remember what the question is.

Oh, what are you excited about, Lori?

So you're excited about the business? I'm excited about hoping that you get your wedding dress up on your phone so I can see it after this. Oh, yeah, I really want to see it. Is it Chantilly lace?

Yeah, it's a turtleneck dress. It's this new thing.

Chantilly lace.

But you can't show anyone.

I'm not showing any. I can't. This is audio.

My mom, if she listens, this is going to be really tick. She's told me not to show anyone. Well, so I'm not going to show you.

Hey, Mom, I'm closing my eyes while she flips the phone around. Yeah, yeah. Actually, it's a drawing. It's a sketch of her dress. She won't show me the real thing. Nope, that's a lie. Okay, Winky, winky. Okay, so what am I most excited about starting something new as well?

I'm excited for you to start something new, Laurie, because it's just brewing in there.

It is brewing. It is brewing in there, and it is ready to come out. It is definitely not going to be a poop reference right now.

It's going to be rainbows.

It's going to be a rainbow reference. Like, it is currently a bit like summertime sunshine raining. Yeah. And the rainbow's ready to pop through.

Yeah.

I don't know if I. I think that analogy is really a stretch. Yeah.

And it's been stormy, and now it's starting to part ways. And you can see the sun kind of coming out.

We have that beautiful ozone smell right now. Yeah, it's really great. Okay, so I'm excited to start something new, but I'm also. Ooh, this is what I always want to be excited about. Just the present day. Like that we get to wake up and read a book and drink coffee and do this podcast. I'm really, really grateful for my life.

Me, too.

And I don't want to forget that because it's so easy to forget how rad your life is. So you guys take some inventory that if you are are like, walking around or listening to a podcast and you have any Apple products. We're lucky. We're so lucky. And if you've got a cool coffee mug and bean juice in it, you are lucky. Yeah.

If you can get up in the morning, you're lucky.

Yeah. Even if you're groggy.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter. All right, so I'm dying to see this dress. So we gots to go. Yeah. Any parting words? What's one A one sentence wisdom from the funny box. I love it.

Dance your booty off Dance your booty.

Off Today is the wisest thing that I've heard and I want to see on your stories. You dancing.

Yes.

To this song. Dance, dance, dance I don't know. I need to dance your booty Dance your booty off. Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, Tell us what you think, tell us what what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.