397: The Science of Spirituality with Anna Yusim

Hi, everyone. I'm so happy you've tuned into the show. Whether you have listened before or you're brand new, I'm so grateful for you. You have no idea. And this episode is brought to you by my Become Aligned course. And podcasts are amazing. And I know that you know that because you guys all listen to them, and I do, too. And sometimes they are not necessarily enough because while we're listening, sometimes we're passively listening and we're not actively listening. So the reason that Chris and I. Chris is my husband. The reason we've created this course is because we get asked so many questions outside of the podcast on how we started living the life that we live now. A life of happiness, of abundance, of really understanding that life is always full of problems every single day, but there's always a solution. And how do we shift back into a mindset that's going to keep us happy, keep us together, keep us successful, and keep us in thriving relationships? And that is what our, our Become Aligned course is about. You guys, we cover everything from mindset to the rituals that we do every single day. We talk about different energy sources that's really gonna provide you with lasting energy. We talk about your purpose and what that actually means, what it is and how it's ever changing. We're gonna tap into your beliefs, we're gonna show you how to build a tribe to support where you're going. And we're definitely going to talk about wealth, abundance, money, all of the good things, and how to sustain all of this. Because while, like I said, POD are absolutely awesome, you don't necessarily sit down and actually write out a plan for yourself. Because as much as I can sit here and tell you on the podcast, what we do and how much, how many different people that I can interview, it's important that you actually learn how to apply these things in your own life. So if you've been listening for a while and you are ready to go deeper and you really want to get some direct training and be able to dive into your life and yourself and your mindset, this is the course for you. I don't know about you, but I absolutely have points in my life where I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes I hit walls where I don't necessarily feel happy anymore, and I haven't sat with myself long enough. I haven't really let myself think. I haven't written out how I actually feel. And so many people who took this course said that it was completely life changing and they revealed a lot of things about themselves, about them, about their. About their relationships that they weren't really looking at or they were avoiding. And it's about having those tough conversations, not only with other people, but really with yourself and knowing that you have the tools and the access to the tools. And we're going to teach you all of the tools that you need not only to move through things, but to actually thrive on the other side. So you guys, I would love for you to join the aligned community. It's such a special group of human beings and you get lifetime time access. This is nine different modules where you're going to be working through each area of your life at your own pace. So you might need something on abundance, you might need more on, you know, money, you might need more on your purpose on your tribe. This is where you can really go deep on exactly what you need and make sure that you're not missing any of your blind spots. If you are feeling stuck or if you are wondering how everyone is doing it and how they're managing it all. This is a truly honest course about how to have a thriving life and manage and deal with all of the different problems that do come up in your life and understand that not everyone is going to support you and not everyone is for you and you are not for everyone. And that's okay. It's finding your people, it's forgiving yourself. It's creating a life of abundance and choosing your own purpose and your happiness. So you guys, you can go to becomealigned.com that's becomealigned.com and you guys know that because you're listeners, I'm gonna give you an awesome deal and an awesome discount and I cannot wait to see you in that community. And also let me know if you join because it is such an awesome, awesome community. And also I'm really proud of this course. Chris and I poured our heart and our soul into this. Everything that we've done, everything that we've learned, we've invested so much into ourself that this is everything that we have applied in our lives. And if you want to know how we've done it, we put it all on the table. We've put it all in this course. So if you want to know, go check it out@becealigned.com so let's get into the show.

So you don't actually have to be a religious person to be spiritual. You don't have to believe in God to be spiritual. All you have to be is connected and feel as though you are part of something that is greater than oneself.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get better, focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

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Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited for you to listen to today's guest, which is Dr. Anna you Sim. We covered everything from spirituality to well being to science to relationships and this woman is absolutely amazing. Her bio, her complete bio would blow your mind. But I'm going to share a bit about her. She's an award winning, nationally recognized psychiatrist, speaker and author with a private practice in New York City. She's a lecturer on the clinical faculty of the Yale Psychiatry Department. After working as a neurobiology researcher with Dr. Robert Sapolsky and completing her studies at Stanford, Yale Medical School and the NYU Psychiatry Residency Training Program, she felt that something was missing from her life. In her quest to find it, she traveled, lived and worked in over 5050 countries while studying Kabbalah, learning Buddhist meditation, and working with South American shamans and Indian gurus. So if that gives you a little insight into this woman's life, her career, career and her just vast knowledge, I know that you are going to love this conversation.

So let's get started. And I'm so excited to have you on the podcast today. Today. Thank you so much for coming on the show.

Thank you so much, Laurie. It's a pleasure to be here.

Oh man, I'm so excited to chat with you because you really touch on topics and you have this amazing book out that talks so much about just what I love to talk about. But before we get into that, I would love for you just to share a bit about where you came from and how you got into what you're doing.

Sure. So I guess originally came from Russia. I was born there and came to America when I was five years old. And I grew up kind of learning about different cultures, also learning about different religions en route to America. We lived in Italy, we lived In Austria. So an international way of life became part of my identity very, very early on. And the narratives I started to construct were really about how do different people see the world and who am I in the midst of all that? And so that was really one of the main questions that I've taken with me through going to first college, through medical school, to understand people better based on how they grew up, the world that they inhabit, the places they have seen, the values that they hold dear. And that really is what took me to ultimately write my book Fulfilled. It's about the different ways that we as humans create narratives in our lives. And to the degree that people are open to it, we're spirituality. And whether people are spiritual or not, maybe spirituality, another synonym for that is meaning making. How meaning making happens in people's lives and how that defines them.

Oh my goodness. So I could just dive right in, right here. So I come from a more restrictive religious background. And for me, in order to start freeing myself from like this very black and white and what did not feel like truth for me, even though it was such a fearful thing and I felt I had to be in that was exactly what you said, was to really start looking at how do different people see the world and why don't they believe what I believe on the other side of the world, what is it that makes them feel that way or see that way, or think that way, or serve this certain God or what does that look like for them? That was the only way I started to free myself, was to start to understand. Wow, wait a minute. It's not like majority of the world does not feel this way to really start understanding more people. So for you, what were you able to. And I know that you said to understand people, you know, you were all over and you were learning about religions. Did that ever confuse you or was that always something that was just so open for you and it helped you understand what the grand picture was all about?

Yes and no. Because it's kind of like you were saying, different people in different parts of the world have such different beliefs. For me, even in my little part of the world, I was occupying these two spheres. My mother is actually a very spiritual person. She always believed in God. She, you know, in Russia, which was really non religious or anti religious, even because of communism, books on yoga and read about Hare Krishna and read about our religion, Judaism, and was always looking to learn about spirituality. And in contrast, my father, and really more the direction my own life took me was in the direction of science, which is such a different language, such a different meaning making instrument or meaning making machine that's all about rationality and things that can be seen with the eyes and observed and proved empirically and subject to scientific experimentation. And as you can imagine, spirituality for many people is actually the opposite. People's experiences are so personal and intimate and subjective, very difficult to replicate in a science lab. And so really for me, a lot of the meaning making and reconciling these two parts of identity was figuring out how science and spirituality work hand in hand. And that's been my life goal for many years now. And that's ultimately what led me to write this book.

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Okay, so I just want to know how science and spirituality work hand in hand. Like, I really want to unpack that. So how did you even begin to. To start unpacking that? And I know you write so much about that. So what's kind of the method? If people are either in between right now or they want to learn more, what is a really good starting place for people to start unpacking that?

Right. That's a great question. Right. So the first part is you can look at scientific studies and see what they have to say about spirituality. Because even though spiritual experiences are indeed so subjective and really difficult to study experimentally, people have nonetheless tried. And it's been shown that people who have some sort of spiritual practice, whether that be going to church, personal prayer, meditation, whatever spirituality means to that person, those people actually do better with medical illness. They do better with overall mental health. It's much easier for them to overcome addictions, and they feel a higher quality of life. So in all parameters, spirituality actually helps people not just in terms of their spiritual health, but their mental, emotional, and physical health as well. So that's the first part of it. And then you're just like, well, what is it that spirituality is doing? Why does it give people so much? And if that's indeed the case, like, why aren't more people buying into this? There's a lot of reasons to that. So I really try to unpack some of that, but we can go, you know, in any direction you want to maneuver and understand any part of that.

There's a book that I'm reading right now as well that talks about. That refers to another book about how God and spirituality actually changes your brain. Like Changes your brain waves. So can you share a little bit just about why spirituality does that for people? Because I've definitely heard that in times of challenge or in times of massive health issues, that when people really root into that, it can actually create some mass shifts or miracles. What is that?

Definitely. So in order to answer that question, let's first get a definition of spirituality. What is spirituality? So the way I define it is it's a connection to something greater than oneself. And for some people, that is God. For other people, it's a sense of a greater mission or purpose beyond oneself. For some people, it's the collective unconscious. For some people, it's source or Mother Nature or a set of transcendent values like hope and trust and perseverance. So you don't actually have to be a religious person to be spiritual. You don't have to believe in God to be spiritual. All you have to be is connected and feel as though you are part of something that is greater than oneself. That's my definition of spirituality. And so why does spirituality change brainwaves, like you say? And why does it have all these positive consequences? And it's been shown that it's actually for many reasons. First, it gives people a sense of meaning and purpose, and that's number one. Number two, for a lot of people, it gives them a sense of community and healthy, affirming beliefs about how to live life. And it answers questions for people that are really difficult. And often it's hard to find answers outside of spirituality, such as, why do bad things happen to good people and how do we make meaning of our suffering? The answers to those questions aren't rational. They're provided often in the spiritual field, you know, and other people also. Another form of spirituality is meditation. That's a very secular spirituality that so much data has supported in terms of how it helps us to elevate our consciousness, to have more peace in our lives, and to change our brain waves. And that's because this discipline, practice slowly but surely and over time changes our relationship to our own thoughts. And that's been shown to be so powerful. And eventually, as we change our relationship to our thoughts, that changes the brain itself.

So, you know, we keep hearing the word, and obviously it's the name of your book, but fulfilled. And I just feel like that is. I think at the end of the day, that's probably the word that I hear the most is just I want to feel fulfilled or I want to feel purposeful. I want to be living in my purpose. So what is it about fulfilled for you that made you want to write about this whole topic? What does that mean to you?

Right? Yeah. And it's really been my whole journey of my own life was to find fulfillment and all of the fulfillment decoys along the way. The fulfillment decoys are all those ways in which we can fill our inner voids that really will only fulfill us temporarily. And those are ways that we fill our voids externally, such as through accomplishment, through achievement, through other people's approval, through affirmation, through looking pretty, through, you know, buying nice things, whatever that is. Those are things, they fill our inner voids and they're an important part of society. And it's not to say that we shouldn't receive pleasure from them or put energy and effort into that. But at the end of the day, the question is, does doing those things bring us closer to a fulfilled and meaningful life and does it bring us closer to our own authenticity? Or are we doing those things because it's expected by somebody else, it's expected by our parents or by society or by our spouse or by whoever it is that impacts how you live your life. And if that doesn't really gel with your soul and if it's not authentically you, then it's time to rethink and ask the question, how can you more constructively and authentically fill your inner voids?

So what was one false? Like what is your kind of like main default false sense of fulfillment? And how did you break it? Like, what was the addiction, you know, that you thought was fulfilling you but you found out was not? And how did you kind of figure out what was true for you?

Yeah, yeah, for me it was other people's approval. It was this life where I was pleasing my parents. I was, you know, went to Stanford, went to Yale, was doing all this. It's not to say I didn't want to do all this. I did, but I hadn't really tapped into myself enough to know who I was, to know why I was doing what I wanted. We came to America when I was five, so I was really living out this American dream. As immigrants, there's even more pressure put on you not to find out who you really are and what you want, but to make it in this country, to, to be successful, to live out your parents dreams in many ways. And so I was always a good student, worked so hard and got a lot of affirmation from that. And I thought that that affirmation was who I was, that that ultimately made me me, until I realized over time that I was doing all these things over and over, getting all these accolades and awards, but felt so empty inside. Something was missing. I hadn't yet tapped in for me to that core element of myself that I so desp. Desperately needed to acknowledge. And all this time had been pushing away for me. That was spirituality. And, you know, I'd gone to Yale medical school. No one really is spiritual in medical school. It's not really thought about because science are so about much about rationality and experiments, et cetera. And here I was living this life, but something was missing, and I didn't even know how or where to go or what to do to find it. And that led to a dark night of the soul for me because I just felt so lost, so confused. I was in a relationship that I didn't feel fulfilled. I was doing work I loved, but it didn't feel fulfilling. Nothing about life felt fulfilling. And so I really had to rethink the whole premise of how am I living and what do I need to do differently? And that's what led to the journey and ultimately to figuring out who I am, to going on a spiritual quest to ashrams in India, to learning about Buddhist meditation in Thailand, spending time learning about Kabbalah in Israel and here in the United States, working with different shame in South Africa and South America. And through the course of all that, figuring out, this is really the kind of work that I want to do. Here's who I am, and this is what makes me happy. And that changed my whole life because I started owning my life in a whole new way.

Anna, were you ever at a point where you were worried about how that would be kind of received, especially coming from the background that you came from? Because I think that there could be a lot of people listening who, I think, especially to this podcast, who want to incorporate more spirituality not only into their life, but also kind of weave it through what they're doing. But that could be kind of a. That can be a scary place in the very beginning of, you know, how is this going to be received? What will people think? And, you know, I'm in this certain career or position, and if I start talking like this or doing this, it might be, like, looked at as a negative thing, even though it feels like it's rejecting a part of something that is important to you, how did you start taking those steps?

Oh, such a great question. Because that's exactly what happened. And there's so much fear around that because you're in a box. And especially in medicine and science, there are certain ways that you want to do things. It's very hierarchical, it's very authoritative, there's certain rules. And one of the rules is that anything that is true has to be subjected to double blind, placebo controlled trials. And fundamentally, spirituality, since it's so subjective, you can't really always subject it to that. So there's this fundamental incompatibility. And so I share a lot of my experiences, my spiritual experiences with patients. You know, as a psychiatrist, I work with a lot of patients now spiritually and also personally, what's happened in my life. And a psychiatrist can come to me and say, you know what? Where's the evidence for this? How do you know that? Like, why do you believe what you believe? How come this really doesn't, you know, like, match the scientific doctrine you were taught in medical school? Show me the scientific literature behind what you're saying. At the end of the day, the answer is, you know what? It's a meaning process. And just like they may choose to make meaning in that way, I might choose to make meaning in a different way and have a different narrative. Not everything can be subjected to double blind, placebo controlled trials.

I love that because it's literally like I'm just thinking of all the different things in my life or in different people's lives that I know are either confirmation for them or have pulled them through really hard times, or it's just something that. It's like that inner knowing that you just can absolutely not, you can't express why or how, but it's just been the truth and it's created so many amazing results for you. So what's something for, for you that has been so truthful in your life that's kind of pulled you through different situations, but could obviously not go underneath or go under a double blind test?

Yeah. And I think for me, probably the number one thing is the power of surrender. We are always trying to figure everything out, trying to be rational, to make rational decisions, do the right thing. But sometimes, sometimes we might have an intuition as to what that is and go in that direction. But there's so many parts, moving parts, that it's often outside of our control. We can do what we are able to do, but there's so much that we just can't control and that you have to surrender. So I find whenever I have to make big decisions, even if I have an inkling of what I need to do, that I surrender and ask whether it be God, the higher power, whatever it is that we, I do believe in God. So for me, it's usually God. I ask God to guide me, to protect me, to help me make the right decision and I surrender big decisions over in that way and big decisions as well as little decisions. And if you ever find yourself in a bind, then you ask for that help. You ask for that guidance, you ask for that knowing. And lo and behold, it does appear. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. You will get your answers in the way that you need if you're open to it and if you ask.

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Okay, so I, I love that. That's exactly what I do. And yet I still find myself sometimes I'll get the answer. And I'm like wait, that can't be the answer. Does that make sense? I asked for a sign and then I get a sign and I'm like but wait, was that too easy?

No, because we rationally want to control things and we're like well that's not the answer I wanted. If we want to live authentically, if we really want to live in accordance with Our soul and our intuition, which is essentially the voice of the soul. That means when we ask for guidance, we will be guided. But the guidance comes from something greater that knows even better than us what the best course of action for our spiritual evolution is. And that's the hardest part, because for every decision, there's multiple ways that we can go. And we don't always know what the best course of action is. And sometimes that answer seems paradoxical. For instance, somebody is totally, totally into this guy. He seems amazing. And then they check in with their higher self or with God and ask for sign. And the sign they get is, you know what? This guy isn't that amazing. He's broken lots of girls hearts before. He's emotionally unavailable. The reason that you're so attracted to him is precisely because he's emotionally unavailable. And maybe it's best that you either put out on the table what it is that you're looking for and have a discussion with him, or just open yourself up to other possibilities. And then you're like, but no, but I like this guy so much, why would I do that? And yet, you know, so this is our trying to negotiate the guidance we get from the universe versus what we want with our will and with our minds.

Yep, I've definitely done that multiple times. I'm probably doing it somewhere in my life right now.

All of us, it's this human process. All of us.

And I love that you talk about that because it is a process. It's like learning when you're doing it and when you're not. And there's still, there's still some times that are great for me. So it's like learning to navigate how to use that, how to get in touch with it, how to really. What does it actually look like in the process of surrender? I would love to ask you, is there something that you're surrendering right now? And what exactly is the narrative in your brain when you are releasing or letting go of something or offering it up?

Yes. Oh my God. I'll tell you about what happened literally two days ago. It was the craziest thing. And I was dealing with it right before this. So I'm looking at my bank account, my business bank account, and I see suddenly that the balance goes to zero. And I'm like, that's strange because there should be money in that account. And then I call my business banking manager at HSBC and say to him, my balance went to zero. What happened? So he calls me back on Saturday and he's like, for some Reason your account was closed. I'm like, my business banking account where all of my bills come from, all of my. The money from my practice goes into it was closed, but totally without my knowing. And he's like, well, apparently they sent me two notices, but you didn't respond. I'm like, I didn't receive any notices. And so I'm like, can you reopen it? And so today he was like, yes, we can reopen it, but under a different number, a bank account. And so this would mean I would have to change every single bill that I write and that I would have to change every single, like, you know, fund that goes into my account. That would just be like a ton of work. And I'm like, you know what? That is not going to work. Right before this, I have this little thing called the God box, and I took up my little God box and I put in that little God box all with what I want to surrender. And so I'm like, God, please help solve this problem. I have no idea what created this problem, why I'm dealing with this right now, or what this all means, but please help me solve this. And then I'm hoping that by the end of our podcast, this problem will be miraculously solved and my old account will be reopened, or that if not, I, of course, will move my business elsewhere. But this was like, a little example of why in the world is this happening, happening, and what do I need to do? Surrender? It's the only choice because I have no control, no other control right now.

Oh, I love. I love that. I'm literally going to create a God box. Is that what you called it?

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

It's a tissue box. And on it I wrote God Box, and I put all my little worries throughout the day, and that's it.

Oh, my goodness. I love it because it's because we are physical beings, right? Who are, you know, what is the saying? We're spiritual beings in a physical body.

We're not just physical beings having temporary visit spiritual experiences. We're actually spiritual beings having this temporary physical experience on Earth.

Yes. And so that's why I love the actual physical anchor sometimes is because. Because of that, we do like to express physically. And I feel like when we can actually create an experience where we let go, we can actually see something leaving or letting go or offering it up or giving it away. Like, that's been really powerful for me. So when you said that, I was like, that would be something that feels really good for me to be able to Kind of like, okay, I know I'm offering it up mentally, but to actually write it down and put it somewhere else just feels like it's been taken care of.

Exactly, exactly. And to truly surrender it and just know it's all going to be okay, because at the end of the day, always.

Oh, I love that. So what is something that you are feeling most fulfilled by right now?

I would say my work and my relationship. Those two things in my life are feeling very fulfilling. My job, I loved the heart. You know, I wasn't always fulfilled by work. Medical school is very difficult. Residency was very difficult. I, you know, not one who loves authority, who loves having to work crazy hours in the middle of the night, be on call, did not love that at all. But now that I am in my private practice, working with the kinds of patients I've always wanted to work with and have my own schedule, I just really love being able to do this work and to be able to integrate spirituality and psychiatry every day, really, with patients. And my relationship is with my soulmate, who after many, many years of drawing in emotionally unavailable men, I finally drew in this wonderful, emotionally available, available man. And we were married two years ago. And that just has been really wonderful. He's the love of my life, and, yeah, just my soul partner. I'm mending well.

So I know right after you said that, there's probably a ton of people asking how you drew in an emotionally available man. So I'm wondering, because, you know, whether it's a relationship or whether it's calling in, you know, something in your life that you feel you're really desiring. How did you go from. From not being able to feel that you could draw someone like that into being able to do it? What was the shift? What did you practice? Why do you think that is? And how are you keeping it?

Yes, it's a great question. And this is actually something that I write about in great detail in my book, because that's one of my specialties in my practice, helping women draw in emotionally available men, and especially women who, like myself, kept drawing in emotionally unavailable men one right after the other. So for me, the problem process was realizing that there is obviously a reason why history keeps repeating itself. And I kept drawing in these guys. And that reason is a spiritual reason. And I call it the mirror principle, that we don't draw into our life who we want. We draw into our life who we are. I was drawing in these emotionally unavailable men because on some level, there is a part of me that was emotionally unavailable and it was only when I owned that and started doing work on myself to open my own heart and become more emotionally available. And what does that even mean? That means, you know, even though I still wanted a relationship, I still wanted to meet my future husband and to be married and to have a deeply fulfilling union. There was still a part of me that feared losing my autonomy and my freedom and my independence and also intimacy and all of those fears that I had to work through until finally my pattern changed. And then a man who, you know, came into my life with a very different energy than the guys that I was used to drawing in. So just, you know, to give you a sense, as I'm sure the women here, you know, listening to this, know the emotionally unavailable men, when you are not fully available to them, they will chase you and pursue you, and you will be foremost in their mind and the point at which they win you over or that you start to bring up a relationship and commitment, they run like the wind because they love the chase. But commitment is not something. It's just. That's as scary to them as it once was for me and probably for many people who are listening. So the point at which you shift yourself, just remember, we don't draw into our life who we want. We draw in who we are. The point at which you shift yourself is the point at which you start drawing in different people.

So were there a few things that you did to kind of open up yourself? Like, did you take actual action or was this an energetic thing or a thought process?

It was all of those, yes. So I, as a psychiatrist, have my own psychiatrist. And this is something that I really, in therapy, went into detail and really started to better understand, like, why. Why am I if I keep drawing in these emotionally unavailable guys? There must be a part of me that's emotionally unavailable. So I had to better understand that. And you also realize that, you know, when you are having this fantasy relationship in your mind with this emotionally unavailable guy because you don't know them really, you can put them up on a pedestal and you can project onto them all of your hopes and wishes and dreams and fears and create this, in many ways, perfect person. And that image is never shattered because you never really get to know them. So you can have this imaginary relationship with a perfect, yet unavailable person. And this is in stark contrast to having a real relationship with an available yet imperfect person. So you start to have to be able to welcome in other people's imperfections and welcome your own imperfections in and be able to really Connect on that level and have an intimate relationship with the real person and not just with your projections.

I feel like so much of what you just said can be applied to any relationship. I feel like, you know, while I didn't have that pattern repeated with men, I had it repeated with women where I just wouldn't quite be available to be, you know, connected and vulnerable. So I'm hearing so much of that same. That same exact pattern. And I think that this can be applied to just about any story we have in our life.

Right.

Like, whether that's around money or whether that's around the career that we want. So do you see, like, how do you take this type of lesson that you're talking about right now and just learning and apply it all across the.

Board in your life? Absolutely. I think it's really about the mere principle, you know, and to reiterate it again, we don't draw into our life who we want. We draw in who we are. And just like you said, Lori, it is applicable to every single part of our life. And if there is any part of our life that we are having trouble with certain people that we're drawing in people that we don't like, and this could be either clients or customers or significant others or friends or anybody, then we look at ourselves and ask ourselves, what qualities in these people do we not like? Let's identify that quality. How is that quality a reflection of me and of my own shadow side, Something I need and want to work on and change about myself? So rather than externalizing it and saying, the problem is those people I keep drawing in, or the problem is all the men. What's wrong with all the men? Or what's wrong with all these friends? Or what's wrong with all these bosses or co workers? No, the problem is always us, and we own it. We say, okay, how do I change those qualities that are bugging me about that person? How do I see that in me and change that in me?

Man, that's so powerful. That's truly, like, the only time I was able to figure it out out. I was really being like, why do I keep on? Like, what is it in me that is, you know, it's so easy to say it's a them thing and truly be able to blame other people. Like, that's kind of what feels good in the beginning, but it doesn't, man. It did not get me anywhere. And it's so powerful to be able to switch that around. So just kind of knowing that everything that's coming into your Life is giving you some form of an answer or a lesson, right?

Exactly. Exactly. And that's exactly it. Right. We draw into our life the lessons that we need to learn and the ways that we need to grow. And usually we will draw in the same lesson about three times. This is what they say, spiritual and Kabbalah. And once we've mastered it three times and we finally get it right, we don't draw in that lesson anymore. We're done. But it's like peeling layers of an onion. You master that lesson and then you go deeper, you peel the layer, you go to the next lesson, and then you peel the next layer and you go deeper. And as long as we are alive in this world, there is more layers to peel and the deeper that we need to go.

What lesson do you think you are in right now? Is it the surrender or is there something.

It's definitely the surrender. And let's see what else. Yeah, I think that surrender and really just keeping my frequency high. So easy. Little. Especially living in New York City. It's probably that way in any big city, but especially in New York, little things can just jostle you and so you can go, even for a minute, you can go down a rabbit hole of, my goodness, why did that person push me for the eighth time? Why did that cab driver snub you out? Like little things could just get to you. And it's so easy in New York City. And so for me, it's like keeping the vibration high. And like, whatever comes into my life, I needed this, this is mine, I own it and I move on. And I don't let any of that stuff just affect my, well being, my consciousness, my vibration.

Oh my God, I'm literally over here giggling because I. Last year I went to New York and I was like, why is everybody so crabby here? And I was like, okay. So for the week that I was there, I was determined I was going to be the most obnoxious, like, smiley most. Like, I'm going to hold doors. And I was like, this is fine. Like, this is one week. I'm not going to let it get me down. And I'm not kidding you. By, by like hour two, I was like, what is wrong with me? Like, I was just getting to me because it can wear you down after a while. So no matter where you live, I think it's just that constant, like, I had to observe, like, let go, let's reset. Let go, let's reset. It's quite crazy. So whether it's New York or something, Else that's doing that, it's just, I think it's just a daily reset. But I hear you, I hear you on the New York thing.

Yeah, I so relate to what you're saying. You thought that for two hours. Imagine like 12 years.

Yeah. I'm like, oh my gosh, you sound so happy. You live in New York.

Keeping the vibe high, keeping it high.

It's so true. So for people who like, like, tell me what happens in your world when you keep the vibe high? Like, why are you doing that? Are you becoming a match to something? Like, what is that? Why, why is that so important to you?

Yeah, it's really. I believe that, you know, it's such a great question, you becoming a match to something. Because we do indeed draw in experiences, people and destinies at our frequencies. And the higher our frequency, the better and more peaceful and more fulfilling our destinies and also the people that we draw in. So. Absolutely. That it's really for my own well being and also for my patients because part of it is, as a psychiatrist, my belief. I don't know if many of my colleagues would agree, but you can only take your colleagues and your patients as far as you yourself have gone. So for me, I always have to keep the vibe high so that I can pull patients up. Otherwise, you know, and of course, no one's a perfect person. Everyone has meltdowns, everybody has bad days, etc. But it really is, I think, a concerted effort that I devote a lot of energy to, to maintain that because that's my job and it's my, my way of being in this world. Yeah.

Okay, so this is a really weird question, but it's like I. So I'm in the. That I'm also in that same space of really wanting to, you know, I think a lot of us are like wanting to keep our frequency high and our vibe high. And obviously we're going to come in and out of it. And I think being, for me, this is just for me, like being someone who likes measurable results and to see things and know, like, okay, this for this day I felt high, but oh, crap, for these five days, I felt really low. Like, am I messing up? Feel like you messing up. And I like even saying this out loud. I know this sounds so ridiculous to me, but at the same time it's like, how do you know what I'm saying?

How do you quantify where you're at? How do you know? Exactly, Exactly. I totally get it. And There's, I think, two primary ways 1 is to really feel how are you feeling inside? How are you feeling not in your mind, but really in your heart and soul. When you're connected to your heart and soul, your mind slows down just a bit. So you could really feel like if you are feeling anxious all the time, if you're feeling nervous all the time, if you're feeling depressed, something a little bit off, and the vibration is being affected by something, all of us will at times feel that because that's how the universe signals us, that it's time to change and we need to pay attention to something and give it really our attention and energy in order to move forward in our lives. But having a sense of peace is one of the ways that, you know, where. Where we need to be and that our vibe is. And of course, our vibes keep going higher, but that's one of the ways that we're, you know, as high as we need to be at present. And of course, we keep striving. The other way is manifestation. It's how quickly you're able to manifest that which you are looking for in your life. And also that means the kinds of people that you draw in, the experiences that you draw in, and all sorts of other things. So internally based on how you feel, and externally based on what's coming into your life are two ways to see, where's my vibe at? Where am I?

It's such a beautiful reminder because sometimes I've been kind of in a phase right now where, yeah, I think internally I am a bit anxious or. Or things feel off, but I can't put my finger on it. And sometimes that can be a frustrating place. But it can also be a place of kind of like you said, like, it's not that anything is wrong. It's more just like maybe something needs to shift. Like maybe you're just staying in a position or doing something over and over that's no longer working. Like, it's very easy to get, especially I think, coming from, you know, such a black and white background in my life, I can default to, oh, if I'm not feeling great, what's wrong? And that can be a really stuck place to be.

Exactly, exactly right, exactly. And then we're like, what's wrong? And in a way, what's wrong is a good question to ask. But sometimes that feeling is exactly what's right. And it's just like you said, it's looking in and saying, okay, what in my life is no longer serving me? How do I need to change? Where is the Universe trying to take me. And if you don't know that answer, ask like surrender it and ask for the guidance to know intuitively and through external events and synchronicities to be shown what it is that you need to do in the direction that you need to go.

I love that. So you also talk about living in your purpose, and that's a really big topic for a lot of the women that I talk to and women who listen to this podcast. I always find the ones on purpose are such a listened to podcast. So what does living in your purpose mean? Can your purpose change? How do we know when it changes? Changes like how do we step into our purpose if there's a lot of fear around that? That was a lot of questions, Anna.

Yeah, we'll take them one by one. To me, living in your purpose means two things. It means first, having an awareness of your soul correction and having an awareness and aligning with your soul contribution. And living according to those two things, which I'll tell you about those together is living your soul purpose. So what is your soul correction? Your soul correction, that term, it comes from a Kabbalistic term, Tikui, which means correction. And it's really the correction that each of our souls comes into this world to make. And your correction, you could know what it is by asking yourself the question, what has been the greatest source of pain and challenge in my life? For everybody, it's something different. And you're so correction could be thought of as what Sigmund Freud referred to as repetition compulsions, those things that keep coming up in your life again and again and again, often much to your chagrin and dismay, and despite your best efforts to change them. And as many people as there are in this world, that's really how many soul corrections we have drawing in emotionally available men. That is one example of soul correction. For some people, their soul correction is releasing the dictatorship. For others, it's not being a doormat, not letting yourself be neglected and abused. For other people, it's speaking up to be heard. For other people, it's being more empathic and really taking what other people are saying more to heart, becoming a better listener. For other people, it's owning their personal power. It could be improving their relationships in many different ways. And that's just a few millions of soul corrections that are out there now. The other part of living your purpose is your soul contribution, and that's much more straightforward. That is the contribution that your soul has come into this world to make. And every person is unique and has a Unique soul contribution, meaning that for some people, it's to be a parent. For other people, it's to create amazing podcasts that share very elevating powerful information with the world. For other people, it's to be of service to people as a physician or otherwise. For other people, it's to be creative, to be an artist, and to share with the world in that way. But inherent in the concept of your life purpose is really this idea also of giving and sharing. So it's about finding what your unique contribution is, and that together with your soul correction, comprises your soul's purpose.

Wow, that was such a beautiful way to put it. Because. Because the source of pain that shows up over and over, I've noticed that I've been able to weave in these different issues that I've had that I've had to work through or find answers to. And I've been able to weave that in many different things that I've done. So it hasn't just been one thing, but I'm like, this is my purpose. And here it is. It's changed a lot, but it's always been answering kind of those same challenges.

That's beautiful. What kinds of challenges?

For me, it's always been anxiety and self sabotage or lack of self love speaking up. A lot of, you know, many of the things that you actually mentioned, but I've been able to weave them into the things that I do like. It's been a main topic on this podcast. It's been things I've created my events or programs around. So. So it's been able to shift like I've taken that purpose and those answers that I had to answer for myself and then share, but shared in many different ways.

That's so beautiful. And you know, as many people say, that we teach that which we ourselves need to learn. And so all of us, we then become teachers of being able to shepherd other people through those same processes. The more that we go through, the more challenges, the more, you know, ways and obstacles that our souls need to transform. Transform, the more we're able to give to others in this lifetime.

So what is. Is your purpose changing at all right now, or what feels most purposeful to you?

Yeah, I think, you know, for a while it was doing this work as a psychiatrist, then it was adding spirituality into psychiatry. Then it was ultimately finding a soulmate. My soulmate. Now it's really working together with his continuing this work. But he and I, he is a filmmaker, and so he and I are also trying to bring our message to the Larger world. So we're making a film together and we're doing things through this new medium of media that I never really did before. And so it's changing. It's like you said, it's like the same nature of work for me. It's really sharing with the world and helping people elevate their consciousness. And now it's through a different medium.

So what challenges are coming up around that?

Well, working very closely with someone you love, even if. Strong personalities and have our own sort of creative flares. And so it's been so fulfilling, but also so difficult emotionally to be, you know, really close to this dear person to you, but also having to collaborate and constantly sacrifice and yet, like, figure out how to navigate this whole new terrain.

Isn't it crazy? Like, you have to learn a whole new language. Like, how do I express how much I think this sucks to him right now. Without hurting his feelings?

That's exactly it, right? This isn't somebody that. He's not hiring me, I'm not hiring him. This is our baby. We're bringing this into the world together. And so that entails having to be really honest, having difficult conversations, and also being super respectful and sometimes sacrificing what you might want for the greater good of the project.

How do you approach difficult conversations that you have to have?

Conversations that are particularly difficult? I always surrender and I always ask to speak from my heart to the person's heart and never from mind to mind. I feel like particularly difficult conversations, if they're going to be held with honesty and respect, have to be heart to heart conversations. And so I always ask to be guided in those.

Do you give yourself any space, like, around, you know, how sometimes, especially. Let's just talk about you working with your husband, because I work with mine. And it can be such. You can have such a heated moment where you're blinded by the initial emotion or the way that, you know, maybe his words landed on you or what you want to say. How do you get past the wave? Like, what do you do in order to kind of take some emotion out of it?

Definitely. This is exactly what I was referring to before with keeping the vibe high. And that's the whole thing. Like, he could say something, I could say something, and then that could just spiral. That could spiral down and I can become hurt and then become reactive. He can become hurt and reactive. Or whenever anything is said that one of us doesn't agree with, we can also just let it be and let it sit and for it to be okay. Because at the end of the day, it's always okay. And sort of recognizing that this has happened enough times in our relationship that we've disagreed, maybe we've had heated disagreements, maybe emotional disagreements. And all the time, every time, it always works out. It creates a template for knowing that, you know what, this time is going to work out, too. And the choice we have is what do we do between now and the point at which we are again at peace. So the more that you can let go and release and just remember your love that this is bigger than you. And the little disagreements really, at the end of the day, are just part and parcel of business as usual.

I love that and so much of what I'm hearing. It's so funny because we've been able to go off on just about any tangent or any part of life, whether it's relationships or career or spirituality or anything like that. And it's all come back to really being interconnected. You keep saying the same things over and over, like, will I surrender it or will I pray, or will I ask, or will I offer it up, or I give it a. I give it time. So what are kind of the fundamental truths that you have found around fulfillment for you?

Yeah, Such a beautiful question. And that is why I ultimately wrote this book. And the three sections of my book are what I delineated to be for myself and for many patients, the three cornerstones of fulfillment. The first section is on authenticity. So it's really speaking your truth and knowing who you are separate from what everybody else expects of you and all the people in your life who you might. That you need to please. And second, the second part is about soul corrections. So identifying what is your soul correction, that thing that keeps coming up again and again, which can be your greatest challenge. And when it comes up recognizing, you know what, this is my soul correction. This is not just like an annoying thing. This is like what my soul has come into this world to correct. This is big. Of course I'm having trouble around this. And this time I'm going to. To elevate my consciousness, go against my nature, not go into, like, emotional, difficult spaces and tirades. But I'm going to own this. This is my stuff. And then the third part is connecting to part of something greater, which is really what we talked about with surrender and knowing that we're part of the greater whole. And like the quote that we talked about earlier in the podcast, that we're not just physical beings having temporary spiritual experiences, we're spiritual beings who have this limited Physical experience here on Earth.

Oh, I love. I mean, the part that just keeps grabbing me is how powerful it is to recognize something that may not feel good in your life or something that you are kind of wishing away or the patterns that are repeating themselves. But really, like, the soul correction is, like, such a recognition to be grateful for what it's trying to show you. Like, that's such a powerful way to put it.

Absolutely. Absolutely right. And all of us have it, no matter who we are. Everyone's got soul corrections, and once you complete your current one, there is more and more and more. And as long as you're alive, there's more soul corrections for us to encounter.

Oh, man. Like, right now, I'm literally putting that over my life, and I'm like, what's my soul correction? I'm in the weirdest way. Even though I'm creating space, I'm getting boredom showing up about bit. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna feel deeper into that after this. I'm gonna write around it. So thank you so much for this.

And it just means that you're ready for expansion. You're just right. Yes. Which is beautiful. Mmm.

So good. So, you guys, wherever you're at, like, I think writing can be such a powerful thing. Do you do a lot of writing around this?

I do.

Yourself?

Yes, myself, definitely. I've had journals since I was 7 years old, and in my book, there's exercises at every chapter, and almost every chapter has writing exercises. I'm a huge fan of writing, journaling, and also specifically stream of consciousness writing where you write from your soul without censoring so that you can get more in touch with your unconscious mind.

Oh, yes. I love that. So we covered a lot today, but also didn't even cover an ounce of all of the goodness that is in your book. What's something that is just on your heart or something that maybe we didn't get to share that you'd like to share?

Well, I feel that maybe the key thing really, for everybody to know, whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you're struggling with, whatever you're grappling with, to know that fulfillment is possible. And there are concrete steps that you could take. The first one being surrender. And to when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. So ask for guidance, ask for answers, and they will be shown.

I'm so grateful for you and thank you so much for coming on today and for writing this incredible book, which, by the way, might have, like, my favorite cover of the year on it.

Thank you. So much. Laurie, it's such a pleasure to have your podcast.

Oh, I'm so grateful. And I always. Well, first of all, where can we get your book and where can we follow you?

Sure. So it's available on my website, www.annausom.com, and it's also available on Amazon and anywhere else that books are sold. And I also do a lot of writing for a blog called successful life. Blog. S u c C-E-S-S s I-b l e l I f e dot com. So many of my articles appear there as well.

Oh, amazing. Thank you so much for that. And I always end on one last question. Are you ready?

Yes.

Okay, so you have 30 seconds with a total stranger, whether it's in passing on the street or whether you're in an elevator and they look at you and ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

I say to release your fears and realize F E A R that the majority of fears are false evidence appearing real and that most of our fears are just illusions and there's really nothing to fear. And you want to replace your fears instead with faith and surrender.

So beautiful. And you guys, if you loved this episode as much as I did and make sure you share it with a friend. It's a beautiful way to help pass on exactly the information that they might need. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye Bye.