398: Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions answered

You have a lot of things to go through on the checklist before you quit your job. And once you've exhausted all possibilities, then you absolutely can start looking for another job for sure. But I think quitting will just attract your next boss to be the same exact way. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Oh, good morning, Evans.

Good morning, Lori.

You guys, welcome back to questionably awesome. We feel as though we need to give you a little bit of a warning on these. So, Evans, what is questionably awesome, in your opinion? I haven't given her any time to answer that.

It's a Fireside chat where.

People write.

In amazing questions and you answer them and it's great.

That is. That is the truth. So here's why we decided we have to give you a little intro, which we're going to. We're going to clean this up. We're going to polish it. It's going to be like your grandma's silver or gold or whatever kind of silverware she had. Yeah. Can you have gold silverware? Actually, I just bought bronze silverware. Okay, so this is a little taste of.

Here it is.

You just. So I just nailed it. That's exactly what this is. If you're used to my usual podcasts and you only like that before Matt, you're not gonna like this. If you like randomness, my friend Lindsay Schwartz literally just coined this. It's so funny. I have to make a meme. Yeah, it's like the random in me honors the random in you. Like, I just. I love it. I'm that girl. Like, I love going down the rabbit holes. So these are your questions answered in a questionably awesome way. If you question if it's awesome, it's not for you. Turn it off right now. Go listen to my other podcasts. Yeah, but it's my favorite thing, so it's really fun.

So keep list.

If you feel as though you have too many brain cells, if you want.

Us to get rid of some?

I mean, I woke up this morning, I was like, there's no more room for this smartness. I better go record a podcast. Get them out, get them out. Get him out, get them out, get him out. I felt like Matthew McConaughey.

Oh, he's very good looking.

Do you think he wakes up every day and has a mirror next to his bed and he's like, damn.

Damn, I look good.

All right, all right, all right. That looks good today. I would if I looked him.

You look great.

It'll be like, why is every wall in your room and ceiling made of mirrors?

All mirrors.

Why do you lay on a mirror? Yeah, like, instead of making your bed, you just Windex it. Yeah, Like, I would have a. One satin sheet and I'd lay on a mirror. All right, so do you have a quote?

Yeah, it's really good. It is from Oprah, and she says, you get in life what you have the courage to ask for.

Isn't that the truth? Yes. What have you been asking for? Anything? No. Well, what do you have?

Nothing.

A cup of nothing. That's what I thought. Poop. Yeah. You might want to knock on your neighbor's door and ask for something. Yeah, like some sugar, right? Do you have any sugar? Yeah, let me go get some. Wrong kind. Yeah. I want your sugar.

I'm excited about what you're about to read.

Oh, no, don't. It's tiny. I literally. I couldn't find a quote this morning, so I went to my book. I'm reading Kim Peril's the Execution Factor, and this is it. Guys. All that's in here or all she wrote? This isn't all she wrote. This is what I opened the page to. It says, whatever. Whatever your dream is, dream it bigger and start now. That's all.

That's all. That's all you need.

It's not that hard.

It's not.

We are stuck on opinions of other humans, and we're stuck in fear of, like, what if it fails? It's. It might totally.

I was actually thinking this, us meeting every week for an hour or. It's not even an hour. However long we meet.

Yeah.

Isn't that just a perfect example of if you want to do something, you easily make time to do it.

I. It's not hard.

It's not hard.

People are like, oh, my God, I would love a podcast. Or to do X, Y, and Z. I'm like, you just put the. It's putting.

Yes.

The date in the calendar. And that's it, like. And it's accountability because literally, I know on my calendar, I'm like, oh, man, that's early. And then I'm like, no, I want to do that because I love it. I love the reward. I literally love, like. And it just helps knowing someone else is coming.

I agree.

So if you don't want to do it alone, don't do it alone. Yeah.

Call your friend or your neighbor.

Rope your friend into it. Yeah, absolutely. I'm literally trying to rope you into a business right now because I'm like, you know what? I don't want to build my other business alone. Let's be building one together. You literally know that's my plan, right? I like it. I'm like, everyone knows. I know. I'm like, here's the deal. I will get my headquarters. You just. You can lease an office in there. Cool. It could be, like, right there. Wouldn't be amazing. Because I don't want to do it alone.

I don't want you to do it alone. Here for you.

Do you. Do you know that every week we're actually recording, like, our intentions? It's going out to the universe. You can't even deny it.

That's crazy.

Yeah. What's that one song? I can't Deny it.

Do you think I kind of know that song? But not.

I think I did a nursery rhyme and a rap song together. We really did. Oh, do you have a review?

Yes. And it is so nice.

I really love nice people.

Oh, there are so many good ones.

You know what? I literally. Here's what I don't understand.

What I.

So sometimes I get really mean messages, which is fine. I'm just stating, like, I'll get a mean message. Yeah. And you don't even get my attention. Like, you won't even get a response from me, because I know they're trying to poke the bear. And this bear will not respond to poking. No, ma' am does. I respond to honey, and that is it. So you could put your claw in some honey, and I will lick the honey off your claw, off your nasty, sharp claw. But I will not respond to poking. So anyway, I'm thinking of a particular message, and I'm just like, you know, that just doesn't even get it across. So if you have something to say to someone, like, if you don't have anything nice to say, honestly, it just goes back to, like, zip it. Because really, it's about you not liking yourself.

Yeah, I agree.

I'm done with that today.

You can be constructive.

Yeah. It was this message where someone was like, you're so beautiful, but, oh, bless you. Five sentences after, and I was like, you. I was pissed, but now I'm like. I just. Yeah, honey. Yeah, honey. First of all, just don't even say anything.

Right? You know, it's okay to have different opinions. Just maybe try in your journal.

So let's hear that nice review. Because you know what? This is what makes the world. Here's what I'm saying. Thank you for writing nice reviews. Because honestly, the nice things really leave a ripple in the world and they change all the other things. And I know that I'm. I'm literally just speaking to everyone today. Yeah.

And I love it. And you're going to love this from April, Underscore Nicole, who says, seriously, just listen to the earthquake episode. I never laugh so hard. You both are awesome and make my day. I look forward to new episodes. I'm glad you're safe. And I will always keep one in the chamber. And she did one of those wind emojis.

Oh, my God. You know when we. You know when you forget, are you getting tagged in the story?

Yes.

Okay. Yeah. I forget what we talked about, and then people will tag us with a quote, and I'm like, oh, my God, we are hilarious. And I forgot. They're like, oh, I'm gonna remember that if. When I'm trying to make friends, if someone doesn't like me, I'll just crop dust them and leave. I saw that one. I was like that. Whoever said that is brilliant. I'm like, we did. Boom. Literally.

April Nicole.

April Nicole, thank you so much. And I would love to say that we can come up with another earthquake episode, but I don't know if we'll ever repeat that. We don't know. That was a once in a lifetime, perhaps, thing. Yeah.

Hopefully it doesn't happen again.

We might have caused it. Somebody said, this is so great. Someone said, lori, it was just the Earth listening to your podcast and laughing. What, you just thought that? That was so cute. I was like, it.

You're.

You know what?

Yes.

Mother Earth wanted some humor as well. She was tickled. She was tickled pink. She'd be more like tickled blue or something.

Do you want a question?

You know, let's do that. Okay. Thank God we have these, like, abrupt things we can pivot on. Just go, here's the deal. You, if you don't know what you're doing, create an outline and just. You're like, well, that energy is gone, and I'm sucking And like someone will pivot.

There's the little dot that says go.

Here, go somewhere else, anywhere else. What's that cue?

This is from at Shannon Barek and she says my boss doesn't respect me and I'm completely unappreciated. Should I quit my job?

Yes. That sounds awful. Okay. This is a really fun opportunity, Evans, because we can look at, we get to really like dig into does your boss really not respect you? How are you really showing up? This is the hardest part to ask. And she might be like, it might be 1 million percent true that her boss is a total douchey bag and like does not at all respect or is not, you know, paying attention to any of her work or is not giving her credit, whatever that looks like.

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But I feel like whenever people are showing up like this in your life, yeah, it is a massive opportunity to be like, do I have boundaries? Am I saying what I need? Am I stating my intentions? Am I speaking up and using my voice? So a lot of times when we have people like this in our life, I think it's because maybe she's not using her voice in the way that she wants. And this could be totally wrong as well. Like if you're nodding your head and disagreeing with me, great. But let's speak to like what this opportunity could be. Yeah. So a lot of times if you have a boss that's not respecting you, it's an opportunity to go make a meeting with them and say how you really feel in the most loving way ever and see how it could possibly potentially be you. Or it could potentially be something they are missing and not seeing. Or it could be something in their life that they can also get the opportunity to say, hey, I'm so sorry I'm showing up this way. I think you're doing an amazing job. Here's what's been going on in my life. Because we forget that our bosses are people and they're managing a lot of people. There's so much going on that even though you feel like you want them to Notice or be nicer or whatever. They are so overwhelmed, and maybe they're having a power struggle and maybe they're having trouble with managing their job. So I would say you have a lot of things to go through on the checklist before you quit your job. And once you've exhausted all possibilities, then you absolutely can start looking for another job for sure. But I think quitting will just attract your next boss to be the same exact way.

Good point.

What do you think?

I completely agree. I think you need to write down how you're feeling and maybe make a little script for yourself for that meeting and talk about it. Because sometimes it's just honestly communication.

Yes.

Maybe they just didn't know. They didn't know you felt that way, or they. You just don't know what's going on. No matter how flat the pancake, there's always two sides.

Amen. And that's so true. So I love what you said about a script because I know that, like, in order to stick to something, especially if you're not used to speaking, your voice, like, you need to write it down. So can you explain that a little bit for her?

Yes. Write down, maybe even I would do like a journal, first of saying, like, oh, this is how I'm feeling. Get all that stuff out and then write a constructive little script of what you're going to say to your boss. And, hey, this is what I've been noticing. This is how I'm feeling. What can we do?

Would you bring it in with you at first if you were not comfortable yet?

I would.

Yeah. And just be like, hi, I'm. You know, I. Thank you so much for taking this meeting with me. It means the world. I know that you're really busy. I know that you manage X, Y. And I need to just chat with you about how I have been feeling lately. It may be true or it may not be true or whatever that looks like. Right. And just do it and your hands will be shaking. And you. I mean, here's the thing. Everyone like you will. You might cry in that meeting and you might be shaking, and that's okay. And you can say it, right? Because sometimes I've had conversations, like with bosses and employees, where I'm like, I'm probably gonna cry because this is tough or emotional. But I'm doing this because it means a lot to me, and I want to be a person who solves problems that come up in my life. Right. This is so important. This is everything. Like, I. I literally have conversations with employees and people all the time where there's tears involved. And it's because it's emotional and we don't want to do the hard things or say the hard things. Except those are the things that get your relationship to an even better place. We've had some recently here that have been awesome. Like, they get you to the other side and you don't even know what's happening going on with people. Exactly. So it brings attention. And I'm so glad because otherwise you sweep things under the rug. And you also don't know your boss doesn't know how to be better until you confront them with something in a super loving way. Yeah. And it's the only way that I've gotten to be a better boss to my employees is by them, like, in creating an open space for them. So maybe even saying, you know, could we have. Could we have a meeting more often? Like, I just had one of my employees be like, could I have a. I just need like a Monday meeting more often. That's it. Yeah. So I think that's really important. Important to just keep that conversation open and let them know. Like, that's really important to you and powerful.

Yes. And a lot of times your human resources department, if you work at a bigger place, we'll have resources for you to help you. Or you can set up a meeting through them. Oh, that's so good person.

Yeah. And go in, like, I would love a meeting because I feel, you know, I would love some better communication with this person. Not going, like, here's the thing. My boss is a jerk and I'm gonna have a meeting to say it. Like, that's probably not the. You want to go in with. Like, the only thing that gets me to the other side just. It really helps me as a human being is knowing that they're a human being and they're dealing with a lot of. It's never personal.

It's not.

It's not. And even when you feel it's personal and they even direct it at you and you're like, no, I'm not being crazy. This is being directed towards me.

Yeah.

It's still not personal. It's because they have a spin or a perspective that you haven't taken the time to work out or talk or go and fix together. Yeah. And then if it's still personal after all of that, then you can leave. Yeah.

Gotta do what's.

Otherwise, you're going to the next job with the next boss.

That's true.

You gotta fix it. And when people are like, why do I. I've had jerky bosses my whole life. I'm like, no, there's something wrong with you. I hate to tell you. Like. And I'm just not even gonna. Like, I'm just gonna be like, no, you were born wrong. Just kidding. I would never say that, because they weren't. They just need. They literally just need. If you are attracting the same person over and over, God, universe, whatever, is like, my dearest love, when will you. When will you understand that you can't just quit? And you gotta go back and speak to this person and see their perspective and love the person that you might hate, like. Or see how you could potentially, like, see this human you hate as a person who is loving and kind and as one of my children.

Oh, man, Lori.

I know.

Speaking those truth bombs. Come on.

Throwing them out like.

Like grenades.

I don't know.

Little soul grenades.

Soul grenades. Those are good. I think we had soul trainers last year. Yeah, last year. Yeah, last year. Last week. It's gonna be 2020. We're gonna be in the future again.

Oh, my gosh.

Like, our cars are gonna be flying in 2020. That's what the Jetson said.

I feel like we live in the future already with all the bird scooters. Do you ever feel when you see a swarm of them riding? I'm like, I am in the future.

I just thought of that, like, yesterday, a. On a bird scooter with his, like, briefcase over his, you know, like. Like, over his shoulder. Well, no, like the. Across the chest. Thank you. Good Lord. And I was like, that looks like the future.

It really does.

Like, hoverboards and scooters. It's crazy. All right, next qq. Okay.

This is from at. We underscore last Underscore in Underscore in a.

Underscore.

Big underscore life. I don't know, you know, if your.

Name is ever taken, you just throw in. I just learned a lesson. You still don't ever, like, underestimate the underscore. You can get whatever name you want.

That's true. And I love it.

Yeah. I could get Underscore, Oprah Underscore. Oh, yeah. Own Underscore. Underscore. Super Soul Sunday Underscore. I'm an Oprah fan.

Me too. But this person says, how do I tell if my goals are really what I want or just me trying to prove people wrong?

I love that you pick these questions. Do you know these are the questions I looked at that I wanted to answer?

Shayna picked these questions.

That's freaking amazing. These are the questions I wanted to answer. Shay, Shay, Shay, Shay. Okay.

Highlighted in yellow.

So how do I know if they're my dreams or just trying to get back at someone? Yeah, I mean, sometimes they're a little bit of both. And that's okay. And you are. You know, some of you who are sitting on your spiritual cloud might think that that's wrong.

Yeah.

Just kidding. Because it's totally fine. So here's. Here's. That was my higher self telling me that, you know, maybe that's not right, but I will tell you, I don't think so. Like, yeah, that's. I. A lot of my goals in the beginning, and some people will say this is wrong. A lot of my goals in the beginning were proving something to myself because I needed to show all of the people who told me no or I couldn't that I could. Good. Right. And, you know, one of those things came at a really young age when I was. I wrote about this in my book when I was called Whale on a Diving Board. And I. I. By all of my friends. And when I jumped into the water, underneath the water, I had, like, that moment of, like, just wait. Like, you just watch me. It was like all of the fuel that I needed to be like, I'm gonna be so fit that you're gonna literally eat your words. So it didn't happen till later, but.

But it happened.

Do you tell me that that is not powerful? So here's the thing. I really believe actually some these things are happening for us. Like, I would not have changed my family tree, my. What I thought were bad genetics, which wasn't. It was just terrible habits. I would not have changed if I hadn't felt enough pain to change. Pain is powerful. Like, it is one of the most powerful drivers. So embrace it. But also really look at it. Because, you know, I had to look. It got me to the place I needed to be, because I do. I did have, like, a laziness to me when I was younger, for sure. So sometimes, like when I needed, like, that driver to get me out of that. But then there came a point where I was so driven by accomplishments and achievement because I thought that's where happiness was, that I would just drive myself ragged. And there has to come a point where all of a sudden you realize that, okay, if these achievements aren't fulfilling you because there is some fulfillment, but if it's not, like, long term, then what happens is you have to look at that and say, okay, I need to reassess, but you also need to realize that those achievements turned you into the person and got you into the habits that are actually making you a happy human.

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Did it it.

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So what do you need to keep and what needs to go? So I know this is, like a long way to answer her question, but at the same time, it's like sometimes in the beginning, you're not gonna know.

Right.

Because sometimes you're being given a driver and a goal, because that goal is meant to turn a person who can actually get to the goal that's going to fulfill you, but it's going to give you the hat that pain is going to drive you into new habits that's going to, like, make you shed that old person. So sometimes I think we. I just saw a quote. I think it was in. Oh, it was just on a random walk and we were. Yeah. And someone had on there. It was when I was traveling. Where was I. Where was I just at? No, it was in. I think it was in Newport. It was in Newport. We were. Oh, we were walking and we were down. Visiting a friend for his birthday.

Yeah.

On someone's beach house, like this gorgeous mansion. It said, don't overanalyze what you like. No, what you love. It was like, don't overanalyze what you love. Like, don't overanalyze your goal. Because sometimes that goal is just there to build you into that person. And if you sit there analyzing it, you're already not moving forward. Like, there's so many things that are gonna sidetrack. Just start moving forward. Yeah. Yeah.

Action.

Action. Take massive action.

I need to listen to that for sure.

Yeah. So. So do tell me your take on this.

I completely agree. I think. I mean, you don't want to do something just to spite someone.

But.

But it sounds like you're already. If you're already kind of questioning, like, oh, how do I tell. I like what you said about just kind of fueling those goals that you already have.

Yeah.

It can be used in a positive way.

That is so true. So I love that you said, okay, so if you're. If you have the goal, but then you started questioning it, like, that's. That's probably the lower self coming in going, how can I sabotage this goal that was in your mind for the first time. Right. So. Because that's often what happens. We're like, oh, I want to do that. And then it's like, but why you can't. You better know all of the reasons why? Yeah. And. Yeah. Oh, one of them is negative. Yeah, totally.

Right?

Everything. I totally have goals where I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, you. You're not gonna let me into that circle of friends. Oh, well, I'm gonna show you how cool I am by doing. Then I'm like, wait, is that bad? I'm like, but that's not your main goal. That's just a little side reward.

A little side reward.

All right, we're just real on here. I don't know. I'm not gonna lie about it.

Yeah, we're humans.

No. I would hate for more people to like me. Yeah, for bad reasons. Whatever. All right, you got. Here's the deal, Evans. I think we have time for one more fast one.

Okay. This is from at. Nourished wolf.

Wow.

Whoa. That's powerful. I'm gonna nourish my white wolf. Yeah. Yes.

They say when meeting potential new friends. Any tips for staying out of your head and connecting?

All right, let's nourish the angel wolf. Remember? Did I share with you about that tale about the two wolves? It's like the dark wolf and the angel wolf.

It sounds a little familiar.

It's like there's a native tale about two wolves.

Did I share with you the tale of two wolves?

I'm actually adding it to my speech, so I better get it right for later. I will not tell it this way. Okay. But it's okay. So a boy. A boy asks his grandpa. He's like. Or the grandpa's talking about. Yeah, I better practice this. Hold on, everyone. Hold on, everyone out there in the audience. Let me get this right. Okay. Nope, that's not it. Okay, wait. Nope, nope. Chris always says, you know, Lori, the best jokes are the ones you have to explain as I'm explaining a joke, because I have to explain my jokes. You gotta. I just explained that. So, okay, the grandpa is telling this tale to his grandson. Yeah. And he says, you always have two wolves inside of you that are existing always. So it's like your angel wolf and your dark wolf and the grandson's like, you know, if they're always existing inside of me, the good and the bad, always, like, one is never gone. You do have bad in you, no matter how great you think you are. And you do have good in you, no matter how bad you think you are. It's always about, which one are you? He says, well, which one will survive, Grandpa? And he says, whichever one you feed the most. Isn't that good?

Oh, I really like it.

And the nourished wolf what did she ask again?

She asked, when meeting potential new friends, any tips for staying out of your head and connecting?

I just feel like referring back to last week. I say go straight to the bowels. Focus on the bowels. Just kidding.

Focus on your tummy time.

I feel as though we have to add that in just because. Yeah, okay. So any tips on staying out of your head? Let yourself be in your head for a moment, because that's so normal. Everyone else at the party or wherever you're meeting these people is totally in their head.

They're so in their heads.

I actually try to, like, get in my body, so I will even stop my feet. I'll, like, like, uncross my arms. I will start thinking of great questions that I can ask. Because if you're really focusing on how to be interested in them and ask great questions.

Yeah.

And Google list of great questions to ask in social settings. I'm not kidding you. So if you go down, like, have 10 questions and just keep thinking what your 10 questions are, you'll probably stay out of your head. And when people are talking, really listen to what they're. They're saying. So this actually helps me as a podcaster because it's really easy if you get, like, somebody who you're intimidated by on your podcast. It's easy to get in your head and be like, oh, my God, I don't know what to even say next. Oh, my God. Well, the second that I flip and focus on them and be like, if I was having coffee with them right now and they were literally just talking to me and they weren't, you know, I didn't know the difference between if they were this person or that person. What is the natural next question? I would ask about what they're saying. And I give myself grace to, like, screw up or ask a stupid question or like, like take a minute to let in what they just said and then ask, like, the natural next question or say something that's similar in my life about that, no matter how stupid it is. If they're like, yeah, I was just speaking at the presidential debate. I'd be like, oh, my God, were you nervous? Because I just spoke at my local kindergarten and I was so scared. Like, they would love to hear that. Yeah.

So I think that's an amazing question.

Like, I was literally just. I had to be Grover in my school play, and that was scary. And they'd be like, I love that I started as Grover and now I'm the president.

Right. You're just leveling you're just finding a similar thing that you both have in common.

Right.

You know what?

You.

One question you asked that's really good.

What's that?

What are you excited about?

That's such a good question.

That's a great question.

Yeah. Always put that one in your back pocket. Yeah. Actually put it in your front pocket.

Right. And if that doesn't work, then you can be like, wow, that weather was crazy today. And they'll be like, what? It was sunny. And you're like. Like, I know. I just love the sun so much. It'll be fine. I know.

Wasn't that nuts?

Yeah. I had to put on SPF 50.

Oh, my God. It is crazy because that's been cloudy. It's cloudy again today, Evans.

They'll react just like that.

Exactly. And they'll be like, thank you for getting me out of my head, because it is hard being at presidential debates.

It is so hard. You know, I love the kindergarten class.

Yeah. That's how they're gonna feel. So let's wrap this up with something that you have been been thinking of lately.

I've been thinking I've felt really sad, and I just want everyone to know that it's okay to be sad.

Aw. I don't know why it made me smile, but I think that's beautiful because I. I really believe that we go through just as much sad as we do happy.

Yeah.

And it's such an important part of life because it's offering us lessons, and it's beautiful, and it sucks. Yeah.

It's just part of being a human.

And you guys would never guess that ecred felt sad. Like. Like e crad shouldn't feel bad. You know, Sad. No sad for e crad. New T shirt. All right. Sending you guys so much love. Let us know what you're thinking. Only if it's good.

Yeah. Only the nice stuff.

Only the nice stuff or you're gonna get blocked. And we love you so much. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Have an amazing day. Say a prayer. Yeah. Bye.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye Bye.