399: You're that bitch - Own your confidence and get everything you want

Choose, make peace, move on. Create right. Like get that vision out there because you're going to be in massive pain if you don't get that thing that God gave you off of your heart and into the world. So it's okay for people not to like you? It's momentary. It's fine as long as everything that you do and say is done in love. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And I'm most excited right now about the fact that we have opened round two of our fast foundations mastermind. So you know, Chris has an elite level mastermind and we also have a fast foundations mastermind for for anyone who is at the beginning stages of entrepreneurship or zero to $500,000 in their business. And you guys, this last round was literally mind blowing. We're actually going to have a podcast with some of the people from our last mastermind on it. We have had people who have doubled and quadrupled their businesses. It has been absolutely mind blowing. The results that have happened, not just that, but they have created a family, they've created people that they're gonna move forward with forever and be able to call on and really lean on each other. And that's what it's all about, especially in the beginning phases, is support. But first you have to support yourself and you have to do that by showing up in rooms that scare the living crap out of you. So you guys go to fastfoundations.com it's truly school for entrepreneurs. So go check that out right now. I would love to work with you for six months. Yes, we've got zoom calls in there every single. You have access to this incredible community and you get two in person events which are really what is going to level you up. So if you've been looking for something and you know that you need massive accountability, and you're ready to finally step into that purpose and that call in your business. This is business strategy. This is connecting. This is meeting other entrepreneurs. This is bringing in guests who are completely crushing their field. So Chris and I and our team and we invite in a ton of experts in their arena, so you get to meet them one on one, spend time with them, Q and A with them. These are people you would not ever normally have access to. And this is all a part of the Fast Foundations group. So go to fast foundations.com right now and you can enroll or you can book a discovery call if you know that you want to do it. And you just have a few questions, burning questions in order to make sure that it is a fit for you. Because we want to make sure it's a fit for everyone. So, moving into what I want to chat with you about today, and that is confidence. God, that word. Like, we just want a piece of it, right? If there was like, a confidence cake, you're like, I'm good with even a sliver. Like, I just want some of that. Have you ever met someone that is, like, speaking and they're up on stage or they're in a room and you're like, I don't even know what it is, but it's just like, you want to be around them. Okay, we have access to that all of the time. Like, you have a confidence cake inside of you at all times. Then you can literally, you know, access it on your own whenever you call upon it. But there's a few things that you need to do to unlock that, because confidence isn't something that's like, yes, I have confidence in me and I can just call on and it's going to be there in a second. There are things that you have to do to prove to yourself that you are someone who can follow through, because confidence comes from action. We talk about this a lot on this podcast because if people were just more confident, they would be following through on what they want to do in life. And I believe that confidence is truly something that comes from an understanding of really liking who you are and not relying on other people to like you or people pleasing and all of the things that we naturally want to do as humans. So, you guys, when we are. When we're leaning into confidence and we're trying to grow confidence, we're actually going against our survival instincts. So it's no wonder that you're like, oh, if I was just more confident, or I'm not a very confident person, that's my voice of when I'm not confident. It's no wonder that we don't feel confident. It's because it truly goes against survival. Because we want to fit in. We want people to like us. Like, we want the whole tribe to like us. Because if they don't like us, then maybe, oh, my gosh, maybe we won't be in the tribe and all of those people who can hunt and fish and gather in the tribe. Like, maybe we're not good at that. Maybe we're the seamstress in the tribe, or maybe we're the analytical ones, or maybe we're the writers, or maybe we're the creatives, or we need these people to survive. So we need to make sure that people like us. Like, that's what we're going against. Except we don't live in those times anymore. And another way that we're forgetting about that people now, a currency that people really are buying and wanting is confidence. So the more confident you are, the more you actually are loved, liked. And people want to be around that energy. And Tony Robbins always says, the most confident certain person, the room wins no matter what. They might not be the smartest, they might not be the most educated, but people want certainty. So that certainty in you is what can win. But certainty doesn't feel like certainty necessarily when you first step into it. So I wrote down a few things for me that have definitely made me more confident. This is like my confident. My confidence path for whenever I'm not feeling confident. So right now, I am working on building a company. Yes, I'm doing it. Oh, my God. I'm doing it. All right, so I've been talking about it and talking about it. Can't share it yet. Just because I don't have all of my legal stuff documented yet. But I will share. It's not like I don't want to share it. I want to share it super bad. I just can't share it right now because legally, I need to make sure I have some stuff in place. Because that's what you do when you start a company, I guess. I don't know. All right, so what you have to do is take some freaking action so I can sit here all day. This is applying to me right now. If you can't tell, I could sit here all day long and be like, I'm not confident. I've never started a company.

How can I ever be a CEO?

This is so scary. Even though I'm CEO of this personal development company, but it's Very, very different than an actual, tangible, physical product. Right. So this is what I'm going into. What do I need to do to feel more confident in this? Well, when I take action, I feel confident. So if I'm not taking action and I'm just sitting there and I'm thinking about it, of course I'm going to think about all the reasons that I don't think I can yet, because I've never taken action in it. I don't know what it feels like. I don't even know what to do. Well, in order to experience more confidence, if I just put down some of the steps and actually took action on it, I'd be like, okay, I'm doing this. Okay, I'm researching this. Okay, I'm learning this. Okay, I'm answering these questions. So write down a list of your biggest fears and your biggest questions. Because I literally just. I wrote down all of my biggest fears and questions, and I ran them by my husband first, and I was like, oh, my God. He just answered all of these for me and completely made me feel better about this. Because there are certain things I didn't know about raising capital. You know, different things that I want to be doing to get my company out in the world, different marketing strategies that he answered for me that made it seem so much more tangible. So a lot of times you just. Your brain can't put a bridge across these canyons right now. So what happens is, like, everything. Just picture being at the Grand Canyon, and you're like, how do I get to that peak over there? Except what you don't realize is that you're not going to be, like, going all the way down a giant mountain and then back up another one. You're going to hire people to help you build a bridge, right? There's, like, a bridge builder over here. There's someone who knows the shortcut over here. There's someone who's going to help you get in this helicopter and fly over here. Like, that's what you're missing. So what happens is we look at the Grand Canyon, we think we need to go to each peak on our own. Except what you don't realize is that without you asking questions and taking action, there's all of these people who know better ways how to do it. They've done it. Things are implemented. Like, you can just ask them, and you can be like. Like, oh, this is going to be so much easier than I thought. But that's how we always go about in the beginning, is we don't have Confidence, because we're not seeing the whole picture and we don't understand it. So when we start to put a plan together is when confidence starts to get built. So what you need to do is your first step, if you want confidence in anything, is to schedule a time. To schedule confidence building plans. Right, so schedule time. So what are we at? Let's see, what day does this come out? A quickie on Thursday. So over the weekend, schedule some time, whether it's an hour or two hours that you sit down and you write, or you go in your calendar and you schedule time for the next week, whether it's 30 minutes here and 30 minutes there. Maybe you only do two 30 minute sessions where you are going to schedule things that are going to start to make you feel more confident. Maybe you start researching and answering these questions and then two weeks from now you start booking coffee dates with someone who could answer more questions. Or you start booking lunches with people who have been where you have been before. You have to have at least one to two confidence building activities and actions in your schedule every single week if you want to make any progress at all. I probably would not even do biweekly, you guys. I would absolutely do. And biweekly for me means every other week. I think some people, it means every. I don't know, let's just. It's okay. It's a podcast. I'll figure it out. I'll forgive myself for making a mistake if that's not right. Whatever. I wouldn't even do every other week. I would do every single week. Because a body in motion stays in motion and momentum will only stay that way if you continue momentum. Wow, that sounds like a brainiac thing to say. But whatever, don't quote me on that one. That'd be a great quote. Tell momentum is only momentum if you stay in momentum. Okay, so schedule a time. Time to schedule. Like that's where you have to start. Because most people's problems is their plate is too full to add another thing to it. So schedule a time to look at how you can schedule in more time and get rid of other things that aren't or that are pulling from this vision. The next thing is, if you want to feel confident, show the F up for yourself. Like follow through. Confidence comes from being someone who can and execute. Like, I don't care if you have to write this on your mirror. And here's another thing, you have to write this down or you have just like slashed your ability to be able to even execute by like 50% something crazy. I think 40%. You are 40% more likely. I believe that's the percentage if you write everything down to achieve those goals. So you guys just write, I execute. Like, and by when. Like, I'm. I'm someone who can execute. Like, that's literally the thing that I have to tell myself. Like, I have to get into the phase where I'm like, I was on a run this morning and I'm like, you know what? I can execute. I've proved this in my past. I will do it again. I'm someone. Like, this is just going to be my, my mantra. Like, I'm an executor. I can absolutely. I may not be the best at it, but I will freaking like stab that thing and figure it out. I don't know. I'm fired up right now. So just claim it. You are an executor. Whether you have or you haven't. Like, that needs to be your mantra. That has got to be your mantra. You have to get to the place where you feel so much confidence yourself. And that's all you're listening to is things that make you feel more confident. And you're like literally releasing any other story besides that. That's another thing. You don't have time for the small stuff anymore. Like, you do not have time for the petty, insignificant things. So whether it's drama with your friends or whether it's something on social media that you're taking as passive aggressiveness, or you think something's directed towards you, or whether it's gossip or whatever it is, like you don't have if it's not in line with the vision and supporting, I am so sorry, but you have to be bigger than that problem. Like, you have to understand that those are small, stupid, petty things and you literally have to let go, forgive it, move on, know that they are just in another place in their life and that is great and that is okay. But you cannot attach into drama. You can't attach into gossip. You can't attach into small minds. You can't attach into talking about people. You can't attach to anything unless it is in line with the vision, unless it's in line with your self care that supports the vis. Unless it's in line with the legacy that you want to leave for your family. Unless it's a conversation about how your family can get on board and how this is going to better serve all of you, then it's not for you. You need to move on. And if you're still stuck on feeling Bad about saying no to someone's birthday that you hardly know. You're not going to move forward. You have to just know. You have to write out your list, right? Like write out a list of the five or seven or like 10 people, I don't know if you have more than that, who are truly going to be in your life over the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years that you actually want to invest in, right? That you want to go deep with. And if it's not on that list, then what the hell are you doing? Like, get clear and say no and make space for what your higher purpose from your creator is. Like, stop worrying about what people think. You're going to sit in that pain of worrying and they're not going to give a shit about you in a year because you said no to their birthday or the constant parties or the constant events or the constant networking that's coming in. Get clear, say no. Send a card. Move forward, get in line with the vision. Make your vision come true. Serve the world, Serve your family. Change your legacy. Repeat. Like when your head hits the pillow. Make peace with your decision. That's it. Choose, make peace. Move on. Create. Right? Like get that vision out there. Because you're going to be in massive pain if you don't get that thing that God gave you off of your heart and into the world. So it's okay for people not to like you. It's momentary. It's fine as long as everything that you do and say is done in love. I would love to be there, but I'm not going to be able to make it because I am working or my plate is full with this new project. I will send a card. Or here I'm getting something from the registry or whatever that looks like. Because there will be so many people in your life and you're going to want to love them all and you're going to want everyone to like you. Believe me, I know I am preaching to myself right now. I want those people to love me. I want them to like me. But guess what? I just can't do all of the things. Or I get so frustrated because I know that I have a vision that is supposed to come out and it's going to be exactly why I'm here, right? So many of the things that you know on your heart. It's exactly why you're here. And we can't have this unlived life trapped inside of us because we're so afraid of people pleasing. So follow through. Execute. Say no. Make peace with your Decision, be consistent, give yourself grace. Most of all, have patience. Have patience. Most things don't even happen for three to five to seven years. So enjoy the journey. Because for me, now that I've started so many different businesses and been in different businesses, I have now understood, looking back, that I thought it was about the money or making sure that I felt more. More certainty, more safety. You know, in the beginning, a lot of it was because we had. My parents had lost everything growing up a couple times. And then, you know, my husband and I had lost our houses and our cars and. And lost all of our money. So for me, in the beginning, it was like, I don't ever want to feel unsafe again. I want to change my family legacy. I want to be able to do things. I want. I want to be able to pay it forward. Like, I want to feel certain. And that's going to be done in my mind at the time, was through money. And you know what, it did do that. But at the same time, if you're doing that, believe me, once you get there, the money that you have is never enough because you start wanting to pay more forward or you start wanting to do different things or create different experiences. And investing in other businesses is also, also a huge investment. So it's never enough. You have to enjoy the journey, is what I'm saying is, because you will find something else to put your money in or you will find something else to feel uncertain about. Because now that you have money now you're afraid of losing it, like, and you're afraid of losing a lifestyle. So what I've learned is you have to just enjoy the process and the journey. Because I have to tell you, right now, we have a network marketing income that I, I don't have to wake up and work. I literally would not have to wake up and work. And we've also set up some of our other businesses in that way right now where if I didn't want to, there goes my timer for an appointment that I have. If I did not want to, I wouldn't have to, at least for the next few years. With that said, I can't imagine not working because even when I've had a couple weeks where I'm like, oh yeah, this is great, I'm enjoying life, I enjoy the process. I want to be getting visions and ideas out there. I want to be helping people in their business, that is what lights me up.

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So enjoy the process of what you're doing. It is magical. Enjoy the process of an idea turning into reality. Enjoy the process of your vision impacting other people's lives and legacy and changing them. Like, no matter what you're creating, it is changing someone else. And that is amazing. Show up. Be confident. Get to the place. You guys, I just put out a post like, I was in a soul cycle, and the Beyonce song came on. I think it's called Formation. And she's like, you know you're that bitch when you're causing all this conversation. And I was like, holy shit. You have to get to the place where you feel and know that you're that bitch. I'm just literally wanting you to try. Try that on. I don't care if you stay in your car.

I don't.

I don't care if you say it on your run. Like, let it fill your eyes with tears. Let it fill your body with goosebumps. And you have to say, I'm that bitch, and I know it. And you have to move forward. You have to just move forward with that attitude. It doesn't mean you don't. It doesn't mean that you're full of yourself. It doesn't mean that you are not liking other people or that you think you're better than someone. It means that you've realized that you are literally made of God energy. It makes you realize that you are literally made of what the universe is made of. It literally makes your creator say, say thank you for realizing that I made you magical and you're not missing anything. Move forward, move forward. You cannot die with that thing trapped inside of you. If you don't know what it is, you'll figure it out and enjoy the process. You'll probably do a whole lot of wrong things, exactly like I did. And they were actually so perfect because the wrong things led me to the right things. And if we're talking about confidence, which we are, but I'm sidetracked talking about confidence. Action is the only thing that makes you feel more confident. So start taking action. Even if it's an action you're unsure of, but what's not going to get you anywhere is inaction. So if you're going to sit for one more day and think about what you're doing, you're not going to move anywhere that you want to be. You're going to be in the same place in one year, except it's not the same place. I always tell you this. If you don't take action now, you're not going to be in the same place next year. You're going to be friends further behind. So sit in that pain for a minute because that's what motivates me. And understand it's not going to get any better. It doesn't. It's only going to get worse. You're going to feel worse, you're going to be in a worse financial situation, and you're going to be in a worse mental state if you don't take some sort of action to love yourself more, to make more time, to get some more social time in there, to get some more business time in there, to let go of whatever's making you feel bad or holding you back. Get the person out of your life that's making you feel bad. Take some damn action. I love you. Okay, I gotta go get on my appointment, but I am so madly obsessed with you. Thanks for being with me in my time of darkness. Thanks for being with me in my time of brightness. Thanks for celebrating everything in between. Thanks for giving me a space to chat with you and feel like we are all so connected and that we're also one. So I hope that this just gave you a little bit of energy to schedule some stuff and please let me know what you schedule in. Like, please take some action from this. You want to know how to like massively make my heart explode and give me a gift is if you tag me and let me know what action you have scheduled into your schedule that you've made something happen. All right, sending you guys love and until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.