406: Get seen by the right people with Ashley Crouch

Hi, everyone. I'm so happy you've tuned into the show. Whether you have listened before or you're brand new, I'm so grateful for you. You have no idea. And this episode is brought to you by my Become Aligned course. And podcasts are amazing. And I know that you know that because you guys all listen to them, and I do, too. And sometimes they are not necessarily enough because while we're listening, sometimes we're passively listening and we're not actively listening. So the reason that Chris and I. Chris is my husband. The reason we've created this course is because we get asked so many questions outside of the podcast on how we started living the life that we live now. A life of happiness, of abundance, of really understanding that life is always full of problems every single day, but there's always a solution. And how do we shift back into a mindset that's going to keep us happy, keep us together, keep us successful, and keep us in thriving relationships? And that is what our, our Become Aligned course is about. You guys, we cover everything from mindset to the rituals that we do every single day. We talk about different energy sources that's really gonna provide you with lasting energy. We talk about your purpose and what that actually means, what it is and how it's ever changing. We're gonna tap into your beliefs, we're.

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Tribe to support where you're going. And we're definitely going to talk about wealth, abundance, money, all of the good things, and how to sustain all of this. Because while, like I said, POD are absolutely awesome, you don't necessarily sit down and actually write out a plan for yourself. Because as much as I can sit here and tell you on the podcast, what we do and how much, how many different people that I can interview, it's important that you actually learn how to apply these things in your own life. So if you've been listening for a while and you are ready to go deeper and you really want to get some direct training and be able to dive into your life and yourself and your mindset, this is the course for you. I don't know about you, but I absolutely have points in my life where.

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You to join the aligned community. It's such a special group of human beings and you get lifetime time access. This is nine different modules where you're going to be working through each area of your life at your own pace. So you might need something on abundance.

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I knew that even thinking about future people, I would inspire or be an example for. Like, I needed to make a change so that those people would not suffer in the way that I did.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationship relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show.

My guest today is somebody that I actually met at a amazing women's dinner that was put on by Lisa Bilyeu of Women of Impact, who is also so freaking awesome.

And we got to sit by each.

Other at dinner and just dropped into a beautiful conversation. That's how so many of my guests that I'm connected to on the podcast come on the podcast because I can't wait to continue the conversation with them.

So my beautiful guest today is Ashley.

Crouch and she is an award winning visibility strategist who lands her clients in.

The most coveted outlets in the country.

She is the founder of Appleseed Communications. Every client served helps support a woman business owner in 21 resource poor nations. And in 2011, Ashley was on the founding team of the first no Photoshop magazine for women which was called Verily, which currently sees 1 million views per month. Ashley's writing appears in Forbes, New York.

Times, Business Insider, Fast Company, Time.com, huffington.

Post, Refinery 29 bust, and more. She's trained over 2,000 people worldwide on.

Visibility and publicity strategy.

She's also an international speaker on leadership, publicity strategy and entrepreneurship.

Ashley and her business have been featured in American Express, Open Today.com, brit &.

Company, Huffington Post, the Sydney Telegraph, International Business, Times, Darling Magazine. She was a Forbes 30 under 30 nominee in 2017. And you guys, she is also the author of the number one international bestselling book unknown to Unforgettable how to Stop playing Small Land National Media Attention and Position Yourself as a Power Player. And I gained so much insight from this one podcast that I literally asked her all of the questions that I wanted to know, knowing that you would want to know them too. And I know that this is also going to help shift you in your business and with your message and with your mindset. So no matter where you are or what you're doing. There's so much wisdom in this podcast. So let's get started. Ashley, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on the.

Show. Ooh, thank you for having.

Me. Okay, you guys. So I met Ashley. We first met at Lisa Bilyeu's house. She was having a Women of Impact dinner. Is that what she was calling it.

Then?

Yeah. And I got to sit next to you and not only eat this, like, freaking amazing food because she had this incredible chef there, but we got to have an awesome conversation. How many women were there? Like.

20. I think at least. Like, 25. Yeah, 20. 25. And, like, the best.

People. Oh, my God. And it's so. It's so great to be in big groups like that. But of course, you get to sit next to someone. You get to really drop in and have conversations. And you and I started Just talk. I know that we share a similar background of being from a really small town, which we'll talk about. And you and I kind of got on this tangent of talk, talking about fashion and how it's really something that you can express yourself with. And so I want to talk a little bit about that. But you have so much to share and talk about and everything that you are doing in the world. But first and foremost, before we get started, I would love for you to tell people what it was like for you growing up in such a small town, and how did that shape you? Like, what do you think are some of the main things that came out of.

That? Oh, wow. That is such a great question. Okay, so first of all, growing, there's so much, right? So I grew up on a small town in Arkansas for my teen years, which is really when you're coming of age. Like, I was learning who I was and liking boys, and it's really that socio developmental stage where you're forming bonds and attachments, figuring out what friendship looks like, developing a better relationship with my body and all of those things. And growing up in a small town, I couldn't even see my neighbors. Lori. Like, I grew up at the end of a dirt road. I was barefoot more often than not. There was basically our view was miles of trees, and we had 100 chickens that I took care of twice a day. So the suffice it to say, it was a very. It was a beautifully simple time where nothing was created for me in the sense of it was almost like a blank canvas. Like, I could create anything that I wanted because there simply was just so much White.

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Side. Does that make sense? So yeah, whereas some kids grow up, they have, you know, five after school extracurriculars. I was homeschooled. So what, what that looked like for me was, you know, being out with the horses, being in nature, journaling. And I can remember being in my parents basement all hours of the night playing video games. I couldn't even, you know, I couldn't even have the drive. I couldn't leave the house. And I had a dream of what my future could look like. And I always wanted more. And so there was this hunger inside of me from a very young age of like, I just know there's this big world out there and I can go find it. And it was fueled in part by two things. One, I used to sneak into, sneak into my parents bathroom and read fashion magazines. And in the process of doing that, I developed a sense of what beauty was because remember, like, I didn't know that many people. I didn't see that many people. I wore denim skirts all the time. So the concept of fashion and beauty was something that was given to me in the pages of these fashion magazines. And at such an impressionable age, 13, 14, 15. I've always been really tall. And so being really tall, people would say, oh, you should be a model. But I didn't even know what that was. Lori like, to be perfectly honest, I was informed and learned what it looked like in the pages of a fashion magazine, which in my mind looked very different than who I was and what I looked like. And so there was this new definition of what beauty looked like. Being impressed upon my mind looked very different than what I looked like. And I started to try to imitate that. And so wearing denim skirts and all, I started to pursue this idea of beauty. And I started working out for hours and hours every day and eating less and less. And at first it was really empowering to see my body changing more in alignment with what I saw in the pages of the magazines, which now coming to find out, you know, the average fashion model is 5, 11 and has a like 23 inch waist, but I didn't know that at the time. And so I got down to about an orange juice and yogurt. One yogurt every day. Because I wanted to have vitamin C. So orange juice clearly. And I wanted to have probiotics to flatten my stomach. So one yogurt. So in my mind this was really healthy diet. So that was happening on the one hand and on the second hand it was like the dawn of the Internet. I mean, people were starting to have the Internet more and more in their homes. And I remember coming across this video of Dubai, of all places, that they were starting to build the tallest building in the world. And it was the Burj Khalifa and it was these, this new frontier where previously nothing existed in this sand hill and a few puddles. And they had this vision. In 15 years, it would be the most coming of age city, a beacon of hope for the Middle East. And something in my gut just, you know that moment when it's like your whole soul is like a full body. Yes. I was like, I have to go there, I have to see that. And so I'm pursuing beauty. I know I want more, but at the time I didn't. It couldn't even leave the house of my own accord. So it was kind of the awakening time. I call it like an awakening time where I kind of just began to be more in touch with the deepest dreams and desires of my heart. But I didn't know at all how to get.

There. So when you were, when you were in the position of, you know, just having the orange juice and the yogurt and you also had these dreams and you thought that that was the modality in which you would be able to reach these dreams. Yet, you know, you're probably struggling with obviously being hungry and being a human and factoring in your family life. Like how did your, did your parents notice or did you hide it or what were you doing throughout that and what was the mental struggle there? Like, this is what I need to do. But you're feeling obviously, you know, the pain of probably hunger and you know, not feeling like you can reach your dream. So what's all going on in the mind of your. How old were you at the.

Time? At the time I would have been 15. This was going on from about 13 to 15.

Yeah. So what would a set of thoughts throughout the day look like for.

You? Yeah, so my day consisted of schooling, but then also reading the fashion magazines and the fitness magazines, working out for a few hours a day. In sit ups, crunches, core work, a lot of thigh workouts, like everything kind of for cosmetic and like sculpting. And it started to feel really empowering, you know, to get the abs that I wanted and to get all of that. But then, and after a certain period of time I started to notice that I was feeling very weak and what previously felt like strength. I was getting winded just walking up the stairs. I was getting dizzy throughout the day, but I still was not aware. I wouldn't have diagnosed myself, right. I wouldn't have self diagnosed as having an eating disorder. But there was this sense of pursuing control, like getting the result was really the sole aim at that point. And I don't know if my parents noticed or if they did maybe didn't have the language in how to approach me with that. But I will say that my brother and I have always been really close and he was actually the one who said something and said to me, you do not look good. And in those words it was a wake up call. That the definition of beauty I was trying to perceive, like that I perceived that I was trying to achieve was actually backfiring and making me feel weaker, less than hollow. And it was ultimately unfulfilling. So what happened at that point was almost like a slow trigger, like I need to make a change. But it was really challenging because there was no support group per se. I still was really turned off by the idea of food. And this is such a mindset issue. But slowly, slowly, slowly I started basically forcing myself to eat things that I, that I knew. Like in my distant mind. I used to like things like strawberries. I would start there and one forkful at a time, right? And it was like reimagining how to listen to my body, where I started to listen and honor when my body would tell me I am tired or I need more energy or I'm hungry. And whereas before I would always deny and ignore the cravings for, let's say iron a steak at the time I don't eat much red meat anymore. But at the time it's like, okay, I need to eat that because I'm honoring the fact that my body is a messenger and it is telling me what I need. And so over time, through daily repetition and habit, along with now daily affirmations and self talk to redefine beauty in my head. It's been a healing process of coming out of those bad habits and moving into a place of authentic wholeness and.

Beauty. So what happened? You know, you were obviously thinking that that was going to get you to a dream. What ended up happening when you, you know, you turned 18 or did you end up leaving or.

What?

What. What was the path after.

That? Yeah. So, ironically, what happened was after college, I was invited to move to New York City. And so I moved to New York City to join a team of five women to launch a fashion magazine. And all of a sudden, like, all the dreams from, you know, 10 years prior in my high school mind were coming true. Like, I had on the outside everything I ever wanted. And I was in the scene, right? Like, I was in New York City in the swanky neighborhood in a swanky apartment, going to the industry parties with all the top magazines and the names you would know. And. And it was so exhilarating because I was treating the sidewalks like my own concrete catwalk. Every party, every happy hour or influencer, a story that I would create and direct with all the models. That was the fruition. I felt like I had arrived and I was still healing in my process with food. I was still learning to eat regular meals and learning a lot about nutrition and. And redefining my relationship with food to understand food as fuel and food as fuel for my dreams, like, at the service of something else and just backing up really quick to move forward. A catalyst moment for me was when I started to think about the daughter I would want to inspire. Like, I would want my future daughter to be the woman that I am or to want to become the woman that I am. But I can't give what I don't have. So I knew that even thinking about future people, I would inspire or be an example for, Like, I needed to make a change so that those people would not suffer in the way that I did. So even before you.

Were. So I want.

To. I.

Want. I just want people to connect to that because whether it was, you know, they're. They're struggling to eat more food or eat less food or get a good relationship with food or whatever that struggle is. What was the struggle in your head even as you were resolving this? What was the pain point? What was the thing that you were afraid of losing if you weren't in.

Control? What was I afraid of.

Losing? Or maybe afraid that would happen? Because typically we do those things obviously, because we're trying to control us not being in a particular.

Feeling. That's it. So I think. I think what I wanted to feel was. Was a sense of influence and inspiration and, like, being desirable. I think I related beauty to being desirable, which is. It has everything to do with the external perception, right? Like, that's the most disempowering way you could possibly live to say. Like, whatever other people think about me is what I am. And that was that false definition of beauty. Like, it's. It's whatever the standard is. And the standard has been informed by, you know, all these other convergence of factors. But I was too naive to know that. All I knew was I just wanted to be desirable. I wanted to be attractive. I wanted to be lovable. And that's what set me on the.

Path. And it was like, no matter. So here you are. You woke up basically, in this life of, I should feel desirable now because I'm kind of probably looking the part, and I'm around the people and I'm within the magazine and doing all these things, yet you are still feeling.

Unfulfilled. So this is what happened. So I wanted to be desirable and attractive and lovable, but then my brother said I didn't look good, so clearly it's not working. So then. So then I started trying to rewire my relationship with food, and I started thinking to my future me and the future people that I could inspire, like my future daughter, my future children. Like, I wouldn't want them to see this negative role model of mindset and behaviors and having a bad relationship with my body, and that would be something that would trigger them. So I started healing for people that I had never even met.

Yet.

Wow. Yes. So then that's happening. And I was like, okay, well, if. If I want to be the woman I want my daughters to become, I need to pursue my dreams. And my true dream, like, in my core, is this love for beauty and fashion, but the. In the authentic sense. So then I wind up in New York, and I'm living the life, and in the immersion of that life, my eyes were opened, because all of a sudden, I was actually behind the scenes. Behind the scenes of the definition of beauty that had shaped me as a kid. I got to see that every image that I would look at and long for and wish that I could be with every fiber of my being, every single image had 50 people behind it with their own agenda of what should be seen.

Right? There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to.

Be one of them for.

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It. So wow. Okay, now I'm the creative director. I'm the one casting the models. I'm the one on the photo shoots and meeting these girls. They had faces, they had personalities, they had hopes and dreams. It wasn't just an image anymore. It was a beating heart. And what happened is that in the process of going to New York Fashion Week, being in the front row, seeing these models, which was everything I wanted, they were teetering dangerously on sky high heels, face glazed over, so frail. And I realized that so many people want to go into this industry to be seen, but how many people are truly seen for all that they are in that process? And in that, like, in that encounter? I'm looking at this one model and just imagine for a second she's standing right in front of me, close enough to touch. Like, if you reached out your arm, we could shake hands. We're so close. She's wearing couture fashion. She's in New York Fashion Week. This is what everyone wants. And her face looks so tired. And in that moment, my heart kind of, like, broke and healed at the same time. Like, I realized, oh, my gosh, everything that I was wanting, like, this is what it is. And also, it's not what I thought. And so then I smiled at her. I tried to catch her eye and just, like, smile at her, like, as a human being, like a sister. And we caught each other's eye, and in a second, her whole face lit up in this really sweet smile. Like, life came into her. And she walked off the catwalk with a new energy. And it was encounters like that where I realized everything I was aspiring to was actually different than what I thought, because I do seek that genuine connection with people and the magazine that we started. Actually, what we wound up starting was the first no Photoshop fashion magazine to exist. And so in the process of that, we wanted to create this space where women could feel celebrated for who they are without needing to be altered or changed, which meant that we were responsible for redefining the face of beauty. This is back in 2011 when, you know, not much was happening in that landscape. Now we have empowerment, marketing, and we have so many people taking up the banner, which is awesome. But at the time, there was not really anything. And so I remember we had this moment where we had to make some tough decisions. Were we going to cast the models perpetuating the standard of beauty that we said we wanted to broaden the definition, or were we going to go with, you know, status quo? And we wound up saying no to some really great candidates because we felt that they were a little too skinny to be healthy or to be a role model for, you know, broadening the definition of beauty? So we would cast models that were off the street, you know, a sales associate or roommates. And that taught me so much, Lori, because people, their Experience of being seen and, you know, fed on the set or just being allowed to do a photo shoot where they could laugh, like, genuinely from their soul laugh. They would tell me, like, that was such a fun shoot. We don't usually get to laugh on our photo.

Shoots.

Wow.

Wow. Crazy concept. You're like.

Why? Yeah, well, because we have this editorial standard of beauty that's very. It's like the blue steel look, right? It's like, this is what we've come to. And now there's so many people, you know, and I know you love laughing, you know, from your soul. And so there's people like you, and there's people that are broadening that definition of beauty. But my mission really became, okay, wow. How do we create a standard of beauty that includes joy, that includes our quirks, that includes cellulite, wrinkles, freckles, the occasional acne, like, it happens. And, you know, just normalize it so that people feel that they live in a culture of affirmation instead of a culture of.

Competition. So what was that like to. I mean, what is it like still even blazing that trail for, you know, when you guys started the magazine, really putting that content out there, how was it received? How did you keep up the morale? How do you. You know, how do you keep. How did you keep that.

Going? So there was this moment where at first, like, people were really skeptical. We would say that we wanted to do photo shoots with girls that are size 14 or size 18 or 6 or 8, but, you know, a range. And our stylists would say, well, we can't do that because they're not going to look good. And so there was this entrenched perception that women of various sizes are just. Some are beautiful and some are not, and some look good in clothes and some do not. And as we know, you know, I'm sure, you know, so many of your listeners, and even the stats show now, like. Like, 67% of women would be over a size 8, let's say. And so, you know, the definition of beauty is a lot broader than what we normally see in a fashion magazine. So, first of all, in my own personal journey, just hearing those stories and seeing behind the scenes how we're trying to be pioneers in the space and how it was received, as well as learning the stats, like, the actual stats, only 4% of women feel comfortable calling themselves beautiful, according to Dove. So, wow. Like, we think about millions and billions of women on the planet, only 4% would say, hey, you know, when I look in the mirror, I feel pretty Amazing. So that was my deep dive education, personally, for me. One, we can make a change institutionally, like, as a company. Originally, there was skepticism, but then I started running the PR campaign and it ignited a global movement where we got 180 media features in eight months, and it went viral to seven countries. We skyrocketed the. The readership. We sold out in Barnes and Noble, but it was tapping into the hunger because at the end of the day, it's okay to want to feel beautiful, whatever that looks like for you. It's okay to want to feel beautiful. It's okay to put on that amazing outfit that you just feel awesome and, you know, work that sidewalk like a catwalk. Let's just make sure that it comes from a whole and healthy place and for each person that's individual. So we have the institutionalized change from the companies. The magazine, verily is the name of it. The magazine was a tipping point. Since that time, a lot of corporations have come and started altering their policies, casting a variety of model types. That's all amazing. But then. But on the personal side, for me, the healing journey came to a full circle because I realized it's all well and good to create powerful content that people can read and be inspired by. But at the end of the day, I need to do the work to rewire my brain so that I see myself and every single woman as equally beautiful.

Right. So what did that.

Take? So. So that, like, literally. Lori, it is a daily practice. I have affirmation cards that I like. If you came to my house, you would see them. Like, I have a stack of cards like that. I've personally written affirmations that I say every day that I have to rewire my brain about what beauty looks like, that I rewire my relationship with food. So one of my affirmations is food is fuel for my dreams, and my body is a treasure and a miracle. I can't wait to see what it can do. I take care of it with proper nutrition. So even saying this right now, I'm taking a deep breath because it's a daily journey. But what I've noticed is that I am starting to feel more at home in my body and enjoying. Okay, wow, I wasn't a runner, but all of a sudden now I am, you know, just testing the body and getting stronger and. But doing it from a place of joy, not a place of lack. Right? And certain things like that. So. So I would actually love to hear your thoughts on this because you are such an inspiration. And I'm sure You have your own journey as well. But how does this land with.

You? It's the same thing. I'm literally just nodding my head because it's daily for me. There will be times in my life where I'm like, wow, I've got this. I feel so great. I'm so proud of myself for just really loving who I am, doing this or that. And then all of a sudden, it could be the next where I wake up and it's just. I feel like I'm in a mental prison because I'm comparing or not liking something on myself or looking at food. Like, what? You know, I just, like, completely confused again. So I have to go back to the drawing board and really focus on. I have something for me that I have to focus on is what I'm, like, what I'm proud of that I'm able to do and how I make other people feel. And I try to focus on other people when I am, like, really serving other people, when I can go back to that path of getting confused on thinking that my identity is my body. Because, as you know, you came from the fitness world. I came from. Or I'm sorry, you came from the fashion world. I came from the fitness world. It's really easy to. And I'm just being so vulnerable. I'm like, oh, my God. People haven't said, wow, you look like you do fitness, or, wow, you have nice arms. Like I used to get every day, sometimes 10, 20 times a day. Sometimes I won't get that first months. And I'm like, oh, my God. Does that mean that they don't think that I have this fitness background or whatever? And then I'm like, I need to look like I'm in fitness. And then it's just a spiral. So whenever I start to feel that I'm like, you are not that. Like, that is something that you love and that makes you feel good, but you are not. I have to remember what I want to identify as. And that's always changing for me, too. So daily, who do I want to identify as and what? But I love these conversations because I think it just really shows. It doesn't matter who the woman is, what they're in, what they're dreaming. Like, we have to always go back to the drawing board on what does it look like to love ourself today, in this moment.

Today. Yes. Well, and that's so. I'm so glad we're going here because it's not a story I share often. And I don't know how Often you share what you just shared, but thank you. Because we have to go there. From the outside looking in, it might look like, wow, you know, this person has it all together. But the self talk behind the scenes, that's not how we feel at all, you know, and just letting people know. And for myself, too, like, I have to tell myself, like, it's okay, you know, I honor where I'm at right now. And do I feel like, you know, hot shit every day? No. No. But. But it's more about recommitting to how we want to show up.

Right. Every single day, for me.

Literally. And like you said, it's like you're more than your body and I'm more than mine. We have our bodies. We are bodies. But it's not everything. We're spirit. We're spirit. We're story. We're message. We're mission. We're background. We're future. There's so many parts to the complexity of who we are, and it's understanding ourselves holistically that puts it in.

Perspective. That's so important, because even as you get the. Even as you get to start experiencing other things in your life that you desire, like, you know, let's say some of your dreams start to come true. Let's talk about, you know, you. You wrote a book, and I wrote a book, and as the book tour was coming, or as I started getting bigger speaking things, I'm like, oh, I want to feel good, or I want to wear this dress, or I want to feel fit, or I want to look this way. And then I'm like, okay, let's slow up. Because. Because all of your energy is going towards this book and service, and it's like, how can I best support myself with this and love myself through it? Because it's really easy to. Then, you know, you can start to think, well, if I shift my focus here, and I can start to change my identity and, wow, people really want to hear my story now. And then that old story can come in like, yeah, but how are you supposed to. Are you supposed to look. Look this way? Because everyone who does this from what you thought, looks this way. And when they go on these interviews, they look this way or they wear this or they do that. Like, these old stories of, who am I supposed to be now in this new version of what I thought that I wanted, that's a whole other. Did I just bring you down a spiral, or are.

You. Oh, you just took this to such a great spot. Okay, so here's the deal. Which Literally, today I just bought a wardrobe for media. For media. So, like you said, so. I mean, everyone has been probably enjoying and loving your book tour and all the speaking that you've done. And, you know, I've watched your TED Talk, so many people have. And I loved what we had said at the dinner table, at least this house, because we started talking about, okay, but how are we showing up for those stages? How, what are we going to wear to that speaking event? And that's something that is. It lights me up because fashion is an expression of self and an invitation to impact. So what I mean by that, for me is, like, it's an expression of self in the sense of it expresses our body, spirit, message, story, all that we are, but also an invitation to impact. Because the way we show up invites people into conversation with us. And in that process, we can impact them with our message and our mission. And so fashion's so intentional for me. Like, I just. In the. So I'll give you an example. It's been my dream to write a book for seven years. So literally, like, on the first date with the man who would become my fiance, I told him, I want to write a.

Book. That's.

Awesome. This is like, nice, light first date conversation, right? So years go by, and he would gently remind me and ask me, so when is this book happening? When is it going to happen? And I got really granular and honest with myself last year because it had been six years and no book in sight. And furthermore, it was not scheduled. I was not writing it. It was not happening. So I'm coming back to the fashion thing in a second. And one thing is that last year, I chose a word for the year, and the word was ownership. So ownership of self. Ownership of my results and my lack of results. And one thing that. But I just got really honest with myself. I said, is this going to happen or not? Scheduled it into the calendar. Wrote that baby in two weeks and needed a cover. So I booked a photo shoot for myself and went out and got so many outfits. And I have to say, Lori, like, in the process of buying those clothes and, like, embodying the person I wanted to be, almost like trying on my future.

Self.

Yes, right. Like, I mean, I'm still kind of processing this idea as I'm working it through with you, but I wanted to try. So I always used to look at the couture fashion magazines, like, oh, if only. You know, I would wear Yves Saint Laurent or Prada or Coco Chanel or these brands. Like, very aspirational. Brands for me. And in the process of booking the photo shoot, I had a bucket list of brands and my favorite looks, and I got them and wearing them. It shifted me into this different energy. Like, wow, this is my future self. But it's also now. And that one of the looks. Like, if people go check out the book, they'll see that one of the looks wound up being the COVID And people said to me, it looks like a movie trailer because it's so. It's so cinematic. But it was, like, everything that I wanted to be in my head, I wasn't showing up that way. And, you know, you can return the clothes later if it's beyond the budget, but, like, just the experience of. Of wearing them, trying them on, and expressing the way that I wanted to show up at my highest self, it actually shifted the way that I understand myself even more and, like, shifted my energy into that inspirational, power player kind of person that I want to be. Does that make.

Sense? Oh, my. It makes total sense, because this is so. This is where you and I connected as we. I don't even know how we started getting on that topic, but I. You know, a lot of times when I've bought outfits or tried on outfits or wore them, I don't yet feel like that person, but it helps me get into character. So they're like costumes for me. It's, like, adorning myself into the person I want to be. Like, oh, you know, what do.

I.

What? Honestly, like, before I do Bliss Project, I feel a little bit like I can't even explain it. Like, I'm adorning. Like, I'm adorning myself not for battle, but for, like, I'm getting ready for something. Like, I'm gonna be pushing through something. And I almost. I wear a lot of, like, gold and goddessy type things because I'm just. I'm preparing myself to, like, be like, I want to feel on purpose. I want to feel, like, you know, powerful. I want to feel graceful, and I want. I want to show that. So somehow when I'm getting dressed, I'm like, how do I show femininity with power, with grace, with. You know, what would that look like? I almost kind of. I wear, like, this gold choker. Like, I feel like Wonder Woman. Like, it's really crazy. Like, it's literally like, if people could see my thought process, which I think this is everyone. So I don't feel stupid saying it, because I think clothing.

Is. Is.

Powerful. It is, like, I dress like her, the her in my head. The future me before I feel like her. And oftentimes it pulls me through. And, you know, what happens is. And I would love to hear your take on this as well, is I can feel amazing and sometimes go look in the mirror and be like, this doesn't look like you. You look ridiculous. Like, who do you think you are? And then I force myself through that. Like, I force myself to just, like, walk over the threshold of my home and leave. And it's like, it's too late. It's too late. You can't turn back now, so you might as well just feel like.

Her. I'm laughing because it resonates so much. First of all, you always look amazing in your talks and your speeches and the events that you hold for the.

Book. Oh, thank.

You. And you know, that's. You.

Do. So I'll through the.

Door. But it is. It is that uniform. And one thing that I found is I think both of us, you and I, we share this passion and desire to be authentic. Like, just be really real and just be honest that was going on and, you know, share from our hearts, you know, vulnerably about the story and the journey. And in the process, you know, that carries over into the fashion. So when you're telling me, okay, but sometimes I don't really feel like it's me. Like, I want it to be me, but it's not. Like, does that ever feel like maybe it's inauthentic or how do you move into that? Like, you. You know, it's authentic. Even if maybe you don't. You feel a disconnect with the.

Feeling. That's a really great question. You know, this is weird because yesterday. So yesterday I went to. For those of you who are. Are all from California, I went and had lunch in Venice, and I was feeling kind of crappy all week. And I was like, this is my chance to just, like, feel good, go connect with a girlfriend and, like, put on some of my clothes that I always look at and never wear and. Cause Venice is kind of like an area here where you can. It's very like. Like boho kind of gypsy kind of chic kind of. You can wear whatever the heck you want. But a lot of times over there, you're going to see a little bit over the topness with hats and glasses and different, you know, just different style. Like any different style expressed over there. Like, if you go over there in your workout clothes, you absolutely are like, no, I need to look and feel like John Mayer right.

Now. Yeah. Level up a.

Little. Yeah, you need to, like, level up. That's just. I literally. We joke about it because it's just how you feel. You're like, I gotta go change right now. So I got dressed and I put on this cute hat and just like, this different outfit than I typically wear. And I looked in the mirror and I'm like, you look ridiculous. You look so stupid right now. Because I wasn't necessarily feeling awesome, but I was like, how do I want to feel today? And is this fun? And is this a part of me that I could tap into and embrace? Because I know once I'm there, I'm gonna be so happy I did this because that part of me is going to, like, you know, be. It's gonna come alive because I'm all around it. So it's almost kind of like dressing for. I guess I dressed for the future, even environment that I was gonna be in that I wanted to feel like I was comfortable in and was having fun in. So, I don't know. It's really forcing myself to know that, you know, you always, once you get to this place or once you, you know, step out of your house, you realize that there's so many different parts of you. So I think you don't necessarily feel authentically you in the moment. I think it's like really embracing stepping in and almost. I hate the word force, but almost like forcing yourself to become that other part that you know is.

There. You're so right. Because everyone's on a journey, right? So we're going to feel different ways at different times of the day, week, month, who knows? But in addition to that, I think one thing that has helped me is thinking of fashion as personal expression versus brand expression. So what do I mean by that? In my personal life, for example, I might be going to do yoga. So I'm wearing yoga pants every day, or I'm going to. I did come from a farm, so, you know, I got my cowboy boots in the closet. That's. That's still gonna.

Happen. Oh.

Totally. But I probably have that dress from Bali that I got as well, you know, so we gather these things, right? We gather these things over the course of our life that express the parts of our journey, and that feels really authentic to us. And then in addition to that, you know, you're building a business. I run a business. One of the things that I do now, my current business is help to position people as a power player in their industry. And what I realized is that at the service of the clients and customers, I Have to look in my brand. Like they want to look in their brand as a power player. So it is still authentic because this is one facet of me. But I'm going to show up in a white suit or I'm going to show up with, you know, blue suede stilettos. I love, like, my. My power shoes. And it is that kind of like Wonder Woman uniform. Like, I'm putting it on at the service of people that I want to help. So it helps. Helps them when they see you show up how they want you to be. Does that make.

Sense? Oh, my God. You're. Yeah, absolutely. I'm like, 10 second story. I literally same thing. One year I did the Bliss project for now seven years. The first two years, I looked at my pictures and I was like, what the hell am I wearing? I was wearing, like, this huge maxi dress. I was cold, so I put on this big sweater. And I realized I was doing it because I thought that I would be too intimidating if I dressed the way I wanted to dress. The next year, I was like, never again. I'm not showing up that way. I'm trying to be of full service, yet I'm telling women they have to hide in front of other women. I was like, I have to free myself first. So showed up the next year and something I totally wanted to wear. And people were, like, losing their mind because they were like this. I'm so inspired by what you wore because you freed me to know what it can look like to be of service and actually maybe dress sexy or dress soft and feminine. And I was like, this is. I had no idea what I was doing for them by freeing.

Myself. Yes, yes. That's just it. And you brought the joy back into it, the freedom back into it. And that's the beauty of fashion. Like, it can evolve. Like what. What I wore as a teenager. You wouldn't recognize me today. Like, it doesn't. But it was right at the.

Time. Although it might be back in.

There is also that I'm like, wow, this is resonating. I feel like I should go. Go get my stuff out of my parents closet or something. Or even, like, my mom's clothes. Like, some of her clothes are.

Amazing. Oh, my God. Like, one of my favorite.

Eras. Yeah. I'm like, can I have that pleated skirt? Like, I really want to wear it. But that's the thing is, like, how do we express all of ourselves? And I'm all about intentional buying and capsule wardrobes and everything. But it's also something that has to be fun and to express that full person that we are. And I think anybody listening to this, it's like, I should say, give yourself permission to bring the joy back into it and to feel how you want to feel in the.

Clothes. Amen, sister. What would you tell someone who is like, you know, they want to do this, but they have that mirror moment where they get dressed, they go in the mirror, and they just can't get past it, where they're like, this just doesn't feel like me. Is there a great place to start? Is there an intention that we can hold? Like, how do we get ourselves out the door when we really do feel like clown shows before we.

Leave? Mm. Oh, my gosh. So one thing that really helped me is to realize, first of all, that I don't have to prove anything. I don't have to prove anything to anyone else, and I don't have to prove anything to myself. I just need to believe that I'm beautiful and valuable for my own sake. So that's self talk, practice of if anyone looks in the mirror and says, I just. I'm fixated on this one thing, and it can look so different for so many people. Right. So whatever that is, to literally write down an affirmation, that is a positive declaration that you love it, that you're grateful for it, you're grateful for your body. It's a miracle and a treasure. Your body is a gift. No matter how fast it moves, how slow it moves, how flexible, how whatever size, whatever, you know, it's a beautiful miracle and a treasure and a gift that we get to occupy this earth and encounter other people, and our bodies allow us to do that. So writing down that affirmation and say it every single day, and to the point, even Lori, people probably think I'm crazy. Like, I walk down the street and I'd just be saying these affirmations to myself all day. Like, all day, because I had to rewire the path of my brain, but somehow got so confused early on. So the affirmations have really helped me. And I actually created a series of daily affirmations, 365 affirmations for every day of the year, which was just to help me. Basically, it's called Bloom Lovely. And so that's available if people want to read what I've written. But you can write your own. Yeah, so Bloomlovely is. That's the name of it. And it's just Bloomlovely Co. And it's a newsletter. So every day you get an email with an Affirmation, that's what I do. But other people, you can write anything that will help you your own unique personal message and then give yourself permission to try it out for a day and see how you feel in the outfit and see how people respond to you.

Yes. Yeah, that's been huge for me is I'm like, wow, when I wear that thing that made me feel stupid. I actually get so many compliments because I know it's freeing them. So I always think of that. Something else I think about is I enjoy other people's expression so much. It's not just on the girl who looks the way I think I wanna look. It's on everyone. So I try to remember that, like, wow, when that person wears that hat or that bright lipstick or I see those earrings on someone, I'm like, wow, I love they're adding such beautiful scenery into your life. So I always think, you know what, if anything else, I'm going to add some different scenery into someone's life and maybe they'll appreciate it and it could free.

Them. So, yes, yes. And it's art. At the end of the day, it is art. It is expression. It is adding to the tapestry of humanity. You know, how we're showing up and people. I love going to a coffee shop and just seeing how people put together outfits and, you know, the way that they express themselves. Like you said, it's like there's room for every everyone. And it is so inspiring. I think hopefully people take, you know, an action step. Go wear that thing that you will, like you said you want to wear, but you have never worn it. Like, go wear it today. See how it.

Goes. Best conversations too, because, like, sometimes I'll wear a scarf around my neck or something, which I never wear. And when I do, people say something and I'm like, you know what? I'm just trying to express myself or blah, blah, blah. And they're like, oh, my God, I've been trying to do that too. Like, it's the best conversation.

Starters. It really.

Is. So, Ashley, I want to know, because your book title is like, I need a little bit of this in my life. So unknown to unforgettable. Unforgettable has always been like a real word, like a word for me, that has been just a question to come back to, like, what would make you either unforgettable in your life or in this situation? So what does that mean? And what do you. I know that you help your clients position themselves as, you know, like, you were talking about power players and to stop playing small. What are some things that we can do in our personal life to make us unforgettable? And then what do you think is something we can do in our professional life that you think is important to make yourself.

Unforgettable. Amazing. So the concept for me, unknown to Unforgettable, is that we all have this big message and story to share. So I tell people, you have a message, you were born to contribute. And here's the deal. You not only have a message, but you are the message. Your life, your being, the fact that you exist is the message. So the way you show up in a room is already enriching just by the fact that you are in it. So there's that first just nugget to really, you know, let that sink into your soul. The way you walk into a room, you don't have to even speak. It is a gift and it is adding value to the room that you're in. Now, when it comes to fashion, fashion is storytelling. And what I do now, going back to the magazine example, I started out doing pr and now I still do pr. It's really about storytelling. And how do you connect your story to the people that need it the most with unknown to unforgettable. On a personal level, you know, how you show up with your fashion and what feels right and authentic to you and the way that you tell that story, that's one thing that people can do right away. But then also professionally, it's how are. What story are you telling? So in the book, I talk about the way that you can craft a story that will be heard at the national level. So if anybody is trying to build a business or trying to write their own book, you know, it's finally happening and they're writing their own book or they want to get a TED Talk or they want to get on a stage and, you know, deliver a message that will inspire people to do coaching with them or, you know, whatever that is there. There's a formula and a system and a method to delivering the message that will work for national media, top stages, TED talks and beyond. And so now I've been doing this almost 10 years, so the book breaks down my exact signature system that allows anybody, even if they've never been featured anywhere before, to get heard and featured in O Magazine, Forbes, Fast Company, all the top outlets. Because, you know, Lori, I mean, I'm sure you would agree with this as well. The world needs our voices more than ever. The world needs our solutions more than ever. And I believe in my Soul that women have something very special to offer. And we can be heard at the national level if we just know how. And if we knew how, we would not need hashtag movements. Because if we. If we could get ourselves booked on the Today show, if we could get ourselves booked in Forbes or Fast Company or O Magazine, whatever feels right and be taken seriously and have that level of influence, all of a sudden we have the ability to have a seat at the table, make a difference, be in the room with the decision makers, and actually make the world change how we would like it to. So on the personal side, the fashion is this amazing, fun hobby that. That we can continue to cultivate and have fun with and show up as we would like. And then on the professional side, I believe that this process of learning how to storytell and get featured at the national level and stages in media is a critical life skill. So the book breaks down. My signature system for how to do.

That. Oh, I love that. Because that's such a huge. I think as we're putting our message out into the world, that is number one, really, it can be very scary because if we are not really rooted in knowing that, we have to go back to us knowing that we're worth.

It.

Yes. You know, we can default to our old responses and want to hide, because sometimes even. Even you just saying that, like, really be heard and really get out there, that can trigger for a lot of people, like, am I safe? Am I worth it? Is this really, you know, So I know that you talk about positioning as well. So, you know, when. When we're thinking of that positioning ourselves, first of all, what comes up for me is that's something that's so big in what I want to be doing and making sure that I'm doing is positioning myself in a way where people really can authentically see me. Does that mean that I. Especially as we get out into mainstream media, it can be really hard to stay true to your authentic self because we can think that we need to be something else. So when somebody asks you that question or when you ask yourself that question, what comes up for you, like, how do we really get out there but stay true to our message, even when people are telling us that our message needs to be different, or we're not good enough, or we don't have enough followers, or there's not enough interest in that category.

Help. Well, I'm laughing because people that say that, that just don't know how to do it. I mean, and if they have not done it, then why allow them to influence what you believe is possible. So what I would say is, number one, I know. And you know that you have something so big and powerful and big work to do in the world, and you're influencing so many people. But I also imagine you probably want to influence more just knowing what I know about you. Like, there's we always. We want to help as many people as possible, right? So it's okay, how do we go to the next level? And there's a way to do it that is actually fairly effortless. Okay. So one of the things is that, first of all, I operate by an empathy first approach in everything. So when I was getting started, people would tell me, well, you should tell your story. Tell your story more. Tell your story like this. Tell your story to this person and that person. It's like, okay, but wait, first of all, what's the story that I'm supposed to be telling? Right? And it's so hard to know for ourselves. Like, it's hard for us to see where the story is. So what I do is really talk with people to extract and pull out what the powerful essence of the story is and distill it down into the narrative that's so easy, so clear, so perfectly digestible for people to understand and then package it into a message that'll work in media, national media, and national stages. Now, the way that we know what the story is that you want to tell is by thinking of the people that you want to serve. So who are the people that you most want to resonate with? And this is just, I guess, free coaching for anyone listening to this. But who are the people that you most want to serve? And what are the biggest problems that they have? And what is the unique solution that you.

Offer? Are you asking me? Because I.

Know. Tell me, tell me, tell me. This is awesome. This is like workshopping right.

Now. Okay. I love this. This is probably so helpful for people if we're going to get really specific. I want to serve of women who have a vision or a dream, it can be clear or not completely clear yet. And they feel that their past or their anxiety or their fear is going to stop them and that they're also not worthy and their social circles don't support.

Them. Amazing. So then you become that ecosystem, that world where they can feel.

Supported.

Yep. Amazing. And so how do you provide that solution? So one would be maybe the podcast. What are other ways that you provide that solution for.

Them? The podcast in the book teaches them how to provide like an also a local solution and like, something that's really supportive in their life. So it gives them infrastructure to really teach them not just about how to reach out and, you know, connect with people, but how to really create true, authentic, deep connections in their life on a daily.

Basis. Beautiful. Okay, great. So then using that empathy approach, we know that so many people today don't feel supported. You know, whether that's their partner, husband, whoever that is for them, their partner, their family, their roommate, their colleague, their boss. They're looking for change, but they feel that their world doesn't support it. So it's like, okay, I'm going alone into this. And that's a really scary thing. That's a brave and bold thing to do when you strike out on your own. So for you, knowing that that's a problem for so many people, we could craft a headline for the media that looks something like this. Five Instant Steps to Take Action. Even if everyone is against.

You. Oh, that's good. Are we going to see this headline everywhere.

Now? Be looking out for Lori harder. Everyone. And that's it. So then you walk them through the steps, right? And the steps might be, join the book club, subscribe to the podcast, say these affirmations, you know, find one confidant, whatever that is. But you become the content of the story is very, very rich, and you become the teacher of these ideas. But then the headline is really what gets the media.

Attention. You know, it's so crazy how the importance of, number one, connecting with other people, number two, connecting with people who have done this before, and three, connecting with people who have literally kind of mastered this space. Because just in this one instant, I've talked to so many people. But if you don't talk to people who are literally, you know, in this all the time or have really spent their life doing it, that sometimes it can take one person, like I hope that people are getting. Sometimes it can take one of the exact correct people that you have to seek out to be like, oh, that gave me so much clarity. Or that helped me so much. Now I can just focus on this. Wow, this really takes my energy away from all of these other things. And I can just craft this for a while, see if it works. If not, you go back to the drawing board.

Right? That's exactly it. And so I would love to keep chatting about this with you. With you, Laurie, because I just think it's so much fun. In addition to that one, just as an example, I've got a story for you. So one gal came to me, and she was launching her Own business. She was in year two, so she'd been going for a while, but she felt a little stuck because she was having trouble getting more clients and more customers. And after two years, you really start to wonder, okay, it's now or never. Is this happening? Or kind of going back to the book, is this happening or not? So she was having those honest conversations, and she came with me. She came to me and said, I'm willing to give it a try. Because at that point, you really have nothing to lose. It's like you have to try something different to get to a different destination. So we started working together, and here's the amazing thing about her. She had lived in six countries before coming to America. Just first of all, imagine that. Second of all, she was on a mission to help other immigrants live the American dream. That was her mission. She had never been featured anywhere before, not even on a distant whisper of some blog from her cousin. And within three weeks, I think it was, she got a full profile in Fast Company. Because we did what we just did with you. We reworked the story angle, got the headline that she needed. She got a yes. Within, like 24 hours, she was featured in Fast Company within a matter of weeks. It doubled her website traffic. She got clients and customers instantly. And here's the clincher. O Magazine, like Oprah's people, saw the feature and reached out to her and said, can we feature you as our featured trailblazer in our print issue of the September issue? So Oprah's people pitched her because of the way that she showed up. And it's just a skill set. But that's life.

Changing. That is life changing. Because a lot of times the people with the message don't necessarily have the we're not in the. It's a separate piece to actually know how to package your message, which I think we can get really confused and think that if our message is so great, why do we also not understand exactly how to pitch it or package it? Those are two different.

Things. That's exactly it. Yes. Because you are so clear on the mission and you're so clear on the mess on the message. But the way to actually. Okay, so first of all, the part of our brains that is mission driven is not the same part of our brains as the linguistic part or the part that creates the words. So that's so powerful to just know. First of all, it's not you, it's your brain. The brain's actually not created to automatically know how to put words to that deep why inside of you and so building the bridge between one side to the other in order to give yourself the words, like, that's where I come in. Because that's the true power. Once you have the words to speak what the deepest mission is and the why that you have, and it connects. So first of all, it gives you clarity, which clarity. Once you have clarity, you have enthusiasm, you're unstoppable. You have. You've every. All the tools in your toolbox. Once you have clarity. And then because you have the communication plan. So that's the second C. And then the third C is you're able to actually connect in a way that resonates. It has to resonate with the people you want to reach because otherwise it's like you're just saying things, but no one is responding appropriately because they need different words. And it's just a translation issue at that.

Point. Oh, man. So your book actually walks us through all.

This. Yeah.

Wow. Because I'm sure most people who are listening right now are like, I need to figure my shit out. So.

Well. And it's all beautiful. That's the thing is everybody, you know, you have your own story and your own message and mission. The book is unknown to unforgettable. It goes through every single step up my signature system. I'm going to give you a copy, Lori, and I'll sign it and I'll give you a copy. And my mission is to help women be heard. That is my mission. And we've talked about storytelling in terms of fashion, whether that's putting on our own Wonder Woman outfit every single day and the way that we're showing up and expressing who we are in our beings with fashion or with our work and the power and the ability to use our words to connect with people's hearts, with their minds. And ultimately, here's the best part about it. When you know the right words to say you can mobilize a movement and you become the figurehead of that movement and people just get in line. Because at the end of the day, we need to know how to activate people at the soul level, Right? And then once. Once we activate people at the soul level and enroll them in the vision, as Lewis Howe says, enroll them in the vision, then at that point, you know, it's. It's end game. Like we're.

Just. We're in.

Motion. Like the. The battle's won at that point. Now we're just. We're just activating and mobilizing whole movement with you activity as the.

Figurehead. Well, Ashley, I'm gonna continue this conversation offline. Everyone's like, no, I wanna hear the rest. But really, I. You know, in the future, maybe we'll have to do a part two, because I know that there's so much. We have so much to chat about and share with people. But today, I just wanna say I'm so grateful for you. I. I pray that people were able to, you know, that you can find yourself in this story. You can grab one sentence that she said, that you can go get her book and create some CL and take yourself through this process, because it really is just like everything else, a massive process. So where can we find your book? Where can we follow.

You? The book is@unknowntounforgettable.com and through that process, you can connect with me. I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook, I'm on all the platforms. And I want to honor you, Lori, for being such an amazing messenger. And you always ask the best questions, facilitate the best conversations, and you don't just have a message. You are the message. So thank you for how you show up in the.

World. Oh, my gosh, thank you so much. And I always end on one last question. Are you.

Ready?

Yes. So everybody's answering. They're like, what am I supposed to say to you right now? Okay, so you have 30 seconds with the total stranger, Whether it's on the sidewalk or in passing or in a store, in an elevator, but it's literally only 30 seconds. And they look at you and they ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you.

Say? I would say dream as big as you.

Dare. So.

Beautiful. Because for me, it's like our lives change when our dreams change. And we need to believe in our core and soul that our dreams can come true. And, people, we live small lives when we have small dreams. When we have big dreams, we take different actions to arrive at that, and it's inevitable to come true. So dream as big as you.

Dare. Oh, my God. Yes. Mic drop moment. Thank you. Needed that. You, like, really needed that. Okay, so, you guys, if you love this episode as much as I did, please text it to a friend, share it with your friends. Friends. It's the only way that the message gets out is you guys. And I'm so grateful for each and every one of you for showing up, for listening, and for sharing. And until next time, earn your.

Happy. Bye.

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