410: Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions about FEAR answered

The fear of the unknown is just called the life experience of being a human. There's two experiences. It's called stay in your house, do the same thing, resent everyone around you, and really not love your life or experience the unknown, be in some pain, go through it. Really, really hate what comes with it. Sometimes accept it. And then be happy on the other side. And then do it again. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

Oh.

Welcome back to another episode of questionably awesome. Evans. Hi, Lori. Hey, Evans. What is this about? What is this podcast about?

It's really cool because we do different subjects each week now.

We do. I'm loving that. That is helping so much.

Me too.

So we do different subjects every single week. We answer questions, and this is definitely a podcast where we want you to have your funny bone out.

Get your funny bone out.

Yeah, get that funny bone out.

What do you think a funny bone looks like?

Probably quite funny.

Your elbow.

I don't know. You know, I kind of want to say it looks like Slimy the inchworm.

There it is. There it is.

So I was talking about. And right away you see what type of episode this is. So if you're new to this episode, you know, we really pray that you have got a burning question that you want to deliver and that that's the only thing burning.

Yeah. Not anything else.

So, guys, you know, I was just talking to Chris yesterday.

Yes.

I talk like a robot.

What did he say? Was something burning?

Nothing was burning.

Okay. Except his love for you.

That was definitely on fuego. But we were talking about Sesame street, and I was, like, talking about Slimy the worm. Yeah, I don't know if it was an inch worm or what. And he was like, who was slimy? And I was like, did you even watch it?

Wait, I don't know if I know who slimy is.

You've got to be shitting me right.

Now on Sesame Street. Yes.

And I think he Was always with either. He was either with Grover or the Grouch.

That makes sense because he's hanging out by the trash.

Yes. He was my fa. He was one of my favorite characters, which I don't know what that says about me as a child.

The worm on Sesame Street?

Yes. Be careful what images come up. I don't know.

Slimy the Worm. He's a Muppet character.

Oh, he's a Muppet. No, he's on Sesame Street.

Is he?

Yep.

Yep, He's.

Oh.

People also search for Mr. Snuffleupagus and Oscar the Grouch.

Yep. Okay, so most people are understanding or they're shaking their head. Yes. And maybe this is one of their favorite characters, but I'm not really sure. Like, why do certain characters like that stand out in our mind? To me, he was, like, so sweet and so cute and that's so funny.

And he's one of the. He's not one of the top main characters, is he?

I definitely don't think so because he didn't speak.

So we're gonna have to learn more about Slimy and what he brought to.

To the table.

Yeah.

All right. So how's your weekend been?

It's been really good.

Tell me about it.

We went to a pool party yesterday.

Shut up. I'm not a big fan of pool parties. Really wise. Tell me all about this pool party.

You know what it reminds me of? What? Whenever I think of pool parties, I think of this back to school pool party we had in the eighth grade. And I had just gotten boobs over the summer. And then I. Boob job.

Yeah.

Just got the boobs done. You're in LA.

You need to clarify for me. I was in 8th grade. Just got.

I can't breathe. They just popped in.

Okay, he just came out. Got it. Like, the. The real ones just came out.

The real one just came out and I was like, what are these? And everyone else in my glass was wondering the same thing.

Of yours or of theirs? Of.

Well, I think we'd all. A lot of us.

Okay, now, you weren't like an early bloomer. No, that was eighth grade, so. No, I don't think I was an early bloomer. Not really early. Yeah, I think I was kind of late.

Kind of late to the pool party now?

Yeah. The first time you get boobs, it's real weird. Like it is. You know what I did? I was so embarrassed, like, when I started, because you don't really get a boob sometimes. You just get, like a weird nipple at first So I. And I was. My. My dad just has zero filter. So like he embarrassing things. So I always just was like preparing for him to say something like you need a bra or something really weird. Like. So I remember I put band aids over my nipples cuz I didn't want them to like pop out.

Oh yeah.

And then it was just. That just showed even more.

The things we do just try to just hide. It's the most. I just. Oh, eighth grade. Why? What a terrible time.

Oh no. Hopefully you weren't in your swimsuit with the maxi pad or anything. Oh my God.

Do you remember maxi pads?

No, I forgot those things.

I mean, I hate those dang things.

They are like wearing a banana boat. They're like a banana sundae.

Sweating right now. Laughing so hard.

It's also really hot up here.

It is.

Okay, back to this pool party. I am so distracted. That brought back some serious memories.

It brought back some major trauma and luckily I powered through and I just wore a dress. I was like, I don't know if I can commit to a swimsuit of this thing.

You just don't know what to expect. Exactly.

No one ended up swimming, so it worked out.

Oh my God. What if you were the only one who showed up in like a. Like you were ready to swim.

Yeah, with my diving sticks. I was like ready to go.

Diving sticks?

You know those things you. You throw in the.

That is not what I was thinking of when you said diving sticks. I don't know. What. I don't even know. Like sticks that help you dive. Like I was picturing sticks around your like wrapped around your arms. It's like I missed diving sticks.

Like some crutches.

Yes. Straight in. Just put those boards on your arms.

I am really sweating right now.

Oh, pool parties bring back a lot for me too. Like super traumatic times.

It's awful. No, Nobody likes a pool party in the begin.

No. I highly recommend. So pool parties, number one should probably be in the evening like and just. Yeah, dark.

It should totally be pitch black party.

Pitch black party. And it should require that everybody just pre games.

Yes.

Before you. You should be able to feel so confident in that. You should just. I don't know.

And you get like a complimentary scuba suit when you walk in. You're like, here's your suit. Suit up for the party.

I think it's more like you don't know what to. Because to be honest, I'll go to a hotel and I will be like, I don't care. In your swimsuit or bikini. Whatever. But I feel like a pool party is very like, what are we doing here?

What's everyone.

What are we wearing? Like, are people. I need to know if we're committed to the swim or not exactly.

Do I wear full makeup or do I. Do I not.

Are we going to do a pool game?

Yeah.

Are we going to Marco Polo? This.

Do I style my hair?

I don't know. I just think that this leaves. Well, if we ever have a pool party, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna be so clear on the invitation that people are just like, wow. Okay, 7 o' clock is four shots of tequila. 7:30 is stripped down to a two piece or a one piece and a swim cap, whatever you prefer. And we're all gonna jump in together, holding hands.

Yeah. See, now that's a pool party I can get behind.

All right, so this is what we're gonna do for your next birthday party.

That's great. It's in November.

Awesome.

Perfect.

Well, we can swim in November.

Yeah, we actually can.

So what else happened? So you were in a dress at the pool party?

Yeah. And it went well. Good.

And other people weren't swimming. Other people?

Nobody swam. Not a single soul.

But it was called a pool party.

Called Tacos. Yeah. It was around a pool.

Feels as though it should have just been called a taco party. Right. Just let's.

I don't know what it is.

A lot of misinterpretations.

Just an afternoon party.

Yeah. Just an afternoon party. With some water.

Yeah.

Buy some water. So the invitation should have read, come to our afternoon party. Buy some. A body of water.

That's cool.

That's all. Do you have a quote?

Yeah.

Do you have a review?

Yes.

Because this is the place if you want to leave a very nice review, this would be the time to leave it. Evans and I have a thing about reviews. Reviews should only be happy. Happy if you like them or if you feel moved to leave. Ruby, if you have found any value from Evans and I talking about pool.

Parties and maxi pads.

Maxi pads and Slimy the Inchworm, then you should probably leave a review.

Yeah.

A five star. Let's make that clear. A five star review.

A five star review.

And here's why. Let's tell them why. Because we'll send you something super awesome and we'll shout you out, which is so much fun because we feel like you're with us. So who's with us today and who can we send something to?

Alex at Thousand Track Mind.

I just love that name.

I love that name. They say, I wish there were more than five stars to give.

Oh, my God. Alex, I throw in your extra star.

This podcast has been life changing. It inspires me and motivates me. It has helped me to shift my mindset and face my fears.

Wow, that's great.

Because we're talking about it. I'm so grateful that I found it. Lori Harder and her amazing guests have truly taught me how to earn my happy.

Boom.

Boom.

Make sure that you send us an email@customerserviceauriharder.com and we are going to send you something super duper awesome. And it won't be a maxi pad.

No, because those are awful.

They are. They're the worst. Do you have your quote?

Yeah, it's about. It's about fear.

You know why we're talking about fear today?

Tell me why.

Because we're answering questions on fear all day, every day. This is a fear filled, fear filled episode, actually. Like fear crushing. Remember that show? Yeah.

That.

I couldn't get into that constantly. Eight balls on that show.

They really did.

I was like, I can't watch people eat another pair of balls. I.

Why would they?

I don't know. It was either. It was either real balls or eyeballs or some sort of balls that I could not get down with.

So no way.

There's that.

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Turn your wounds into wisdom. Oprah Winfrey.

Oh, that's so beautiful.

I love that. Really is nice.

I swear to you, Oprah mothers us on a daily basis. She doesn't even know it. Like, she comes up in my sphere every single day.

Me too.

Like yesterday everyone was. We did this. I was at my friend Christine's wedding shower.

Yeah.

And they did this thing called. Oh, what is that old talk show. It was like where you have to guess what your partner says.

Oh yeah.

Do you remember what that's called?

Yes, like the wedding show. Not.

Oh yeah, something like the Match.

Some kind of matchmaker show.

Anyway, it was hilarious because they really played it out like a game show.

Yeah.

And one of the questions to her husband, her future husband, Steph, was, who is your wife's celebrity crush? And she was like, oh, well, I wonder if he'll think it's, you know, a guy, because I don't think he knows who that is. And she's like, yeah, Oprah. And he guessed right. No, he didn't. So, anyway, long story short, you got to hear about what I did yesterday, and you got to hear about a little bit of Oprah love.

And I think I found the game.

What was it?

The Newlywed Game.

Yes, the Newlywed Game. That would be such a fun game for you to play. I'll tell you all about how they did it, because they recorded. So a friend, like, asked him in real, like, recorded a whole zoom, and then they would just hit pause so they would actually hear and see him on camera, like, with his answers. So it was so cute to watch him get embarrassed, like, over certain things.

Yeah.

Great idea for you and your girlfriend, you know. Okay. So mine is by Nelson Mandela. And he sails. I learned that courage was not. He does not sound like that. I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. And I don't even think I'd use the word conquer, because if I'm really going to go and I'm going to correct Nelson Mandela here. Yeah.

I'm going to have to just slide in here.

Just fix this world leader. This world leader's quote here. I do want to say the word conquer gives a false pretense. Am I saying that right?

Yeah. Yes, you did. You nailed it.

So of the. The idea that we, like, get over our fear or we're going to feel like we have it down. And it's funny, because yesterday we were. We were all sitting around and there's these women in this room, and they're like, I don't know, these epic women who speak all the time on huge stages of anywhere from, like, you know, 500 to 15,000 people all of the time. And every single one of them, we got on this topic of fear and nerves around public speaking.

Yeah.

And every single one of them said, no matter what, like, they can do all of the work in the world, but no matter what, they get so nervous right before. And I think that's so freeing to hear because sometimes we can hear, like, if if you're making it about you, you're gonna be nervous.

Blah.

And you're like, no, I swear to God, I'm not making it about me. Like, I'm just trying to. I just don. To die.

I swear to God.

I swear to God. Why? I think everything hard should be done in voices so that it makes life better.

I think so, too, but that's good to hear. That everyone, no matter how successful, how big you are, how much you've accomplished, you still get scared.

Afraid.

Yeah.

Afraid.

F, R, A, I D still fray. I'm so afraid right now.

Help me.

Well, you need to speak more in that accent more often. Your. Your Southern accent. Where's it been?

I don't know.

Well, she's got to come out. She's got to come out at least once on this podcast.

Yeah, for sure.

Maybe in this next question.

Oh, okay.

The old lady.

The old lady.

That one.

This is from Ena Irvin. How do you get past the fear of the unknown when at an important crossroads in your life? Poor Janae, she does not talk like that.

She's probably like, she might. I don't know.

She might. We don't know.

She might love.

She might be from South Carolina, too.

Say it again so I'm not distracted, because I just loved it too much. Okay.

She asked, how do you get past the fear of the unknown when at an important crossroads in your life? Oh, the fear of the unknown. That's. That's a hard one.

How do you get past it? You go through it.

Oh, good answer. Wow, that is the worst, though. You actually have to go through it.

Yeah, it's awful. Prepare yourself. It's the worst. I mean, if I'm just being. You know, if you want a real podcast right now, I am just going to tell you that the fear of the unknown is just called the life experience of being a human. There's two experiences. It's called stay in your house, do the same thing, resent everyone around you, and really not love your life or experience the unknown. Be in some pain, go through it. Really, really hate what comes with it, sometimes accept it, and then be happy on the other side, and then do it again. You really.

It's the truth, isn't it?

It's true, unfortunately. But I don't even want to say unfortunately anymore, because I've just kind of learned, like, oh, my God, life is not good or bad. It just all is. And I keep on. It's funny because this podcast, of course, like, is always such a grow and everything, right? Down to the name, like, earn your happy. Like, happiness is amazing and you want to strive for it, but at the same time, if you're just striving for happiness, you're going to miss your every day. Because every day can't be happy. No. So it's like striving for a fulfilling day. And not all fulfilling days are happy at all. Because some fulfilling days are like, whoa, I just really had to solve problems all day today for sure. But I'm, you know, I feel good about. I got a workout in. I, you know, took care of myself. I took care of different business things, whatever. And then even on the days. But even that, everything is like a. Everything can spiral and can contradict itself as well. Because even with that, it's like some of your best days, you're not going to be doing your best work. Like, yeah, that's impossible. It's impossible.

You can't be strong every single day.

Hell no. In fact, I find that they're few and far between. Like, some days you're just like. Especially if you're going through something and you are facing that fear of the unknown and you are taking a lot of new steps, all your willpower is going towards just, like, hanging in there.

Yeah. Just surviving.

Yeah. Sometimes there's just survival mode in your life, and just that in and of itself is something that you should feel proud of. So how do you face it? You just go through it.

Do you have a little tool that you use whenever you're feeling really very fearful to kind of snap out of it?

Weed pens. Just kidding. No. Let's see. I don't use a weed pen, but I'm not against it either.

No, you do you.

Yeah, you. I do me. You do you.

I do me.

Do I have a tool for when I'm going through it?

Yeah.

Oh, man. So many tools. I surround myself with fun friends. I support myself in any way that I can. So I actually ask myself, like, how can I support myself right now when I'm going through something hard? That's one of the most important times for me to attempt to take care of myself through food or sleep. Because the second I don't get sleep, everything feels so bad.

Feels so much harder.

I'm depressed. It feels amplified. I get super anxious. So if there's one thing I'm gonna take care of first, it's always gonna be my sleep and mood. Really also affects my mood in a huge way. So if I'm feeling really anxious or depressed, I'm like, am I drinking a lot of coffee because that is not helping me with going through something hard because it's only going to amplify it. So learn the things that make you feel worse for sure. And be like, wait, do I want to feel worse right now? Because this is a clear decision that if I eat all this sugar or drink all this booze right now, I'm going to feel worse tomorrow. So sometimes we have to make that hard choice to not do the easy thing in order to feel so much better the next day. So if you want to have a good day, you really have to live, and you have to look at your present choices.

That's such good advice. And I feel like you and Chris are such good examples of you have those certain things that are always in place that you can just fall back on. No matter how your life is going, you know that you're, hey, we're going to do our best to eat well. We're going to work out, we're going to move our bodies, and those things really make a difference.

It's everything. It's who you are. Yeah. Yeah. It's who you are as a person. We tend to separate going through things or fear of things with what we're actually doing in our lives. And something that I thought of yesterday, I was on a run, and I'm like, wow. No matter what happens, no matter who says something about something, no matter who tries to, there's so much out in the world that we can be afraid of. Someone starting a company, someone trying to take you down. There's just so much in the news right now that if we focus on it, you'll never, ever begin. And I thought, but there are so many things in your life that you can protect yourself from. Like, you literally, your habits can keep you safe. If you have your habits in place, whether that is deciding that your response to something for a while is going to be no response. And that's a habit of, like, I'm not going to respond right away. Or your habit of, like, oh, my God, when things get really overwhelming, I'm going to take care of myself, I'm going to sleep. I'm going to make sure that I keep running and doing all these things or whatever. You need your habits. You can create habits in a life that protects you from pretty much everything.

That's true.

Do you have powerful habits? And if not, sometimes that's the most important thing to focus on out of everything. So making room for that.

Get them started.

Totally. I feel like you have really great habits, too, because you're always like, I need my yogs.

I need my yogs. Or else I'm mean, yeah, well, me too. Excuse me.

It's allergies right now.

Yeah, allergies in August.

Yeah, it is. I woke up today and I was like, oh, my God, I can't breathe.

It's California.

Yeah.

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So should you want another question, Lori?

Yes, please.

Okay. This is from Mixalot, Sir Mix a lot.

Love him.

Sir you, sir, you. He. I think. Sir you, he, sir, you, he. Why do we often manifest fear in our minds when really fear doesn't actually exist?

Whoa.

I think they just answered their own question.

Why do we manifest it? I think it's actually the way that we are wired. So that's a whole other just. That's a whole other idea that if we can understand that, it's so powerful to know that majority of the things that we are thinking is literally only to protect us. Because back in the day or beginning of time, everybody talks about how we have an ancient brain, basically that is meant to be protect us.

Right.

We're animals, so why do we. Man, totally. And why do we manifest it? It's the same reason the squirrel is always on edge, right? Yeah, literally. Snacks is always like, who's gonna kill me? Because something probably will.

Yeah.

It's like, is there going to be. What's the type of bird that was a dinosaur.

Oh, the flying one?

No, the land bird. Although I think there are land birds, penguins.

Can that be considered a land bird?

It is. It's not a dinosaur, but it's definitely a land bird.

I sound smart on this podcast every time.

Well, I catch you up. Clearly, I'm asking you the questions, so.

I know it's not a T. Rex. It's not. I.

Why can't I think of it? I've watched Jurassic park so many times. Please, for the love of God, help me. It's called Pedro. Pedrodactyl. Pterodactyl.

Pterodactyl.

Oh, my God. Pterodactyl. This is so good. I. We can't make this stuff up that we don't know this. All right, so we knew it at one time.

People are yelling.

We knew it at one time. And you know what? I bet. I bet I could even think of the pterodactyl's name from A Land Before Time. Just not right now. All right. He was cute.

Yeah. That's a great movie.

Really is. We should watch that. No, let's not. I couldn't ever.

Oh, no. It's very sad, isn't it? Very sad.

They all are. All Disney movies are, actually. I just watched the Lion King, and I was like, this is so intense, I can hardly take it. I was like, this is too much for a child. It is a lot.

Did you watch the old one or the new one?

I just watched the new. I've seen both, but I just watched the new one, and it was intense, man. I was like, this is. Between the animals looking so cute and just like everything that goes down in that movie, my heart was just like, I don't know.

In a million pieces.

In a million pieces. So what was that question again?

So how. Why do we manifest fear in our minds when we really fear doesn't actually exist?

Back to the squirrel. So kind of funny. Yeah. That. It's a squirrel. Yep.

All right.

So back to that, though. It's like we have to. It's like we walk around thinking of everything that could happen, and we're making up escape plans, but we really don't have to do that much anymore because we're pretty safe.

Yeah.

So now our different things that we could be thinking about are more just like business and family and keeping those things afloat because we really don't have to worry about living in a cave where things coming to attack us as much. Right.

Right.

Unless you live in LA or New York or something like that. You do want to be aware of your surroundings. You do want to be Aware. But with that said, you know, if that's what you're focused on, it's really tough to have room for a lot of other things in your mind. So I think that you stay aware. So I think in order to be aware of what you can do because some people are like actually afraid to not be afraid. I've literally met people and I've even thought this in my head. Like if I'm not afraid or have fears of what could happen or play out worst case scenario, then I won't be ready for them. And it's like, okay, so think about it for a minute. Think of what you would do and then be like covered. Letting it go.

Yeah.

So if you feel like a little unsafe without your fear, just be like, okay, that could happen. Great. Letting it go. Now I think it's a whole other level when with like moms with children because I'm even before having kids, like I am actually already starting to work on this as like how am I not going to be afraid when they walk out the door? Like what is something that I'm going to say to myself or think of or make peace with or whatever that is. And truly it's like knowing that number one, you have no control as far as what happens out there, but doing your best internally and in your home and making them aware and also understanding what's your higher belief around everything. So for me it's like having a higher belief of just trust and faith in my faith and in God and what happens and knowing that you can recover from everything and make meaning from everything. There's so many different things that I'm saying here, but you get the all very important things. Yeah, I think in order to get over fear you have to have a lot of really, you have to work on your faith.

That's. I love that in order to get over your fear, you have to work on your faith. You should write that down. I'll write it down for you.

I'm like, great. Oh yeah, I have a phone. I could do that.

Yeah. That's great advice though. There's a book that Oprah had this guest on a bunch of times. It's more of a self defense type book. It's called the Gift of Fear. Oh, I listened to it. It's really interesting.

Do so.

But there are also things, I mean, I think fear it talks about fear is important in many different ways because.

It kind of alerts you like, oh.

This person kind of gives me a weird feeling in my belly. Like listen to that. Totally but also, it's kind of like when you're starting a new business or something. Oh, this kind of scaring me. But it's a good kind of scared because you're going to something that's unknown and you've never done before, and why not give it a shot?

I can say so much about that because. Because I can also tell you that I think without a healthy amount of fear in your life, you actually aren't feeling fulfilled as a human. I think that that is the only way that we grow is through that stretching and expansion of people. Can call it discomfort or whatever you want, but it's usually discomfort because you're afraid of something that you have not done before. I think that the root cause of pretty much everything that is that we view as not good is fear. But fear is also, I always say, like, in my life, like, when I feel a lot of fear, it's like the X that marks the exact spot for where I need to go.

Yeah.

And so I always think that whenever I think of fear, I'm like, oh, shit. Like, that's exactly where I need to go right now.

Growth is coming.

Oh, yay.

Yay.

But super yay. So there's that. So, Evans, any last imparting wisdom? She's like, we have to take this part out. I do. Oh, she loves it. No, you always have some.

I have something. Remember that show hanging with Mr. Cooper?

Yes.

One episode, he said, face your fear.

And it will disappear. Oh, he was so right.

You can do it.

God, you know what's crazy? We could go down every spiral and, like, try to give you all of the answers, and that's the only answer there is.

Face your fear and it'll disappear. Mr. Cooper, 1992.

Hanging with Mr. C. He had good tennis. He did okay.

Great show.

Great show. Sending Love, you guys. And until next time, hang with Mr. Cooper.

Hang with Mr. Cooper.

Goodbye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you speak stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands, thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye bye.