420: Can't is a choice

Confidence comes from taking action, from doing things that make you feel more confident. Confidence comes from looking at your fear and saying, I'm going to do it anyway. Even with this thing feeling like it's going to take me down and strangle me to death. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the Earn your happy podcast. And it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in. Inspiration and a really exciting announcement. We actually moved the event that we are so excited about. Event love eventluv.com we moved it into January 2020. We could not believe the pouring out of people who wanted to be there, but either already had plan or the amount of people that wanted to be there. So we're still keeping it intimate but we have moved it so more people can get there. So you guys go to eventluv.com and go check that out right now because I am even more excited. This gives us more of an opportunity to create this amazing space for all of you who want to step in. Become that teacher, become that speaker, become that leader. Have your own retreats, have your own events, whether they're small or large. Whatever you are looking to do, we are spending one week on this week long certification program to make you feel like you are ready to step in. This truly is the reference point for you to practice and gain the skills that are going to make you feel confident. So go to eventluv.com right now because I would love to spend a week with you in this room in this intensive, immersive week long training with all of the future leaders and so many people who are already doing events. So many people who are already doing retreats are coming to sharpen their skills, to learn more skills and to connect with a like minded tribe that they can lean on as they go out into the world and do this work. So guys, I'm so excited to see the names pouring in. I can't wait to celebrate you and I can't wait to be in that room with you. January 2020. So it's what a better way to start off the new year than to actually step into the calling that you know you're meant to be in. Speaking of confidence, speaking of feeling if you are worth feeling, worthy or not worthy of this call into your future self, into your vision, into your dreams. Speaking of self love, and I know this is all on your mind because this is the daily practice in order for us to become the people that we know we are sent here to be. And this is the journey of life is this constant yin and yang, this constant light and darkness that lives inside of us. And it's a beautiful fight, a fight that shouldn't be resisted but can just be observed and acknowledged. And I think when we spend time in that resistance of pain, resistance of feeling unworthy, resistance of not wanting to fail is really when we stay the same. So where can we start to fully accept ourselves when we start on this self acceptance journey? And this acceptance of pain and this acceptance, acceptance of our past is really the crack where the light can enter, right? What's that beautiful quote? The crack is where the light enters, right? It's that beautiful crack for you to start loving and accepting yourself. So confidence comes from taking action, from doing things that make you feel more confident. Confidence comes from looking at your fear and saying, I'm going to do it anyway. Even with this thing feeling like it's going to take me down and strangle me to death, right? Really being persistent in the face of fear. Because if you're waiting for it to dissipate or go away or like, no, I'm going to do it when I feel a little better about it or when I feel a little more confident. Good luck. Because the confidence is only going to come when you do it, when it's intense, when you do it, when it's just like you don't think that you can. Because I will tell you, there have been moments where right before I've stepped on a stage, I was like, well, this is that moment that I am going to fall flat on my face. And I think about it and I let myself observe that that's what I'm thinking. And then I say, you know what, God, if that's what you want, then that's a part of the journey. But I would really love to be here to serve and be the vessel and be the channel. So please help me get the F out of my way. Yes, I just Basically swore while I was praying to God, please help me. Get out of my way. God and I have a great relationship. It's very funny. We joke around. All right, so you guys, what are you saying? What are you leaning into? Notice that when I felt that way, I observe it, because that's the human side of me. And then I also say, okay, God, energy, universe, whatever you believe. Like, I get that this is what you've planted on the journey, and I think this is such a warped and twisted way for us to understand what this journey is all about. But I also get that the reward on the other side of this, without experiencing this, is not as fulfilling, is not as rich, is not as mind blowing. Because life is contrast. Life is dichotomy, right? It's like the difference between the mountains and the desert, right? The difference between the ocean and the forest. It's like in order to have one or the other and really appreciate just like that. Grant, I don't know if you guys have ever driven out to California, but when you reach the ocean after being in the desert and coming across the mountains, it is just like you thought the mountains were insane, right? Right. When you hit the. Let's say you're driving across country and you go from the Midwest and you see the farmland and it's so gorgeous, and it's just God's country. And then you meet the mountains and you see the Rockies and you're just blown away by the colors and what is even possible? And you're like, does it even get than this? And then you reach the ocean and it's just the pure contrast of the feeling and the moisture in the air compared to the dryness. And one is not better than the other. One is not better than the other. It all is amazing because it all exists and we have light and dark inside us at all times. And the darkness is not bad. The darkness makes the light lighter. If you can use it and ask it questions, right? If you can use it and ask it questions, the darkness in you is only asking to be lit up. That's it. It's like, okay, I see you. Why do you feel so dark? And what type of light do you need? And what do I have to do to bring this in? Right. What do I have to do to bring this in? So for confidence, I'm always like, okay, I'm not feeling very confident. Well, you're not feeling very confident on starting a new company because you haven't taken the action and you don't know how to do it yet. So what would the first step in confidence in building something be? Well, it'd be meeting with someone. Well, it would be studying this. Well, it would be Googling this. Well, it would be looking this up. Well, it'd be getting your trademark in place. Well, it would be getting your deck to pitch investors in place. Okay, who knows how to do that? Who can help me with that? Because I don't know how. Okay, well, stop saying I don't know how and stop saying I can't. I don't know how and I can't is a choice. I don't know how and I can't is a choice. So if you're saying I don't know how and I can't, I want you to sit nice and not even long. I want you to sit with this. Let this be powerful to you. Let it be powerful that if you've been saying, I don't know how and I can't, that you found the place where you have been holding yourself back. The worst part is when you can't find the place that's holding yourself back, you have to do more searching. But right now, if you're saying, I don't know how and I can't, that's going to be the place where you're holding yourself back. So I want you to answer this question. What are you addicted to in the I don't know how and I can't that's keeping you there? Is it keeping you from feeling something or is it getting you attention or is it pushing you back into victim mode and people are feeling bad for you because maybe you did have a big trauma in your life. Maybe you had a little trauma. Whatever it looks like, maybe you're defining yourself by your past and it doesn't feel good when you start saying that you can because you're no longer defined. You don't know who you are without that thing, without that identity. Right. There were times in my life when I didn't know who I was without saying I'm anxious or I have anxiety or I have social anxiety. I have trouble speaking around people. I can't get my thoughts out the way that I want. That's why she can be a speaker and I can't. Well, I was homeschooled through high school, so that's why she can write this book and be a bestseller and I can't. I didn't go to college. I wasn't in, you know, sports. I didn't do the athlete thing. I wasn't allowed to be in any Extracurriculars. And that's why I can't be a covergirl, right? That's why I can't do fitness. These were all things that I told myself. And I would feel bad for myself every day. And when I would start to pout and when I would start to cry because I didn't have the life that I wanted, this is what I would say to myself, well, I can't because of this. That was my choice. I was too afraid. And I didn't want to do the hard work and I didn't want to leave my shit friends behind because I was familiar with my shit friends and I knew they'd be there for me to go and get drunk and not support me. And that's what I was used to. That's where my joy was. Except I realized that my joy was super short term. And my joy was starting to only last for a couple hours maybe, until I woke up the next day with all of this pain and regret and I could not live there anymore. So where are you right now and why are you choosing the I can't. And just let yourself really sit with it and know that if you keep choosing I can't that you are going to wake up in a much worse place and that your fear has nothing on you. Literally nothing. And when you start to make it a habit to grab fear's hand and just be like, I see you. I get that you could make me fall in my face and look stupid and lose friends, but are these things really making me happy? If I fast forward to next year, am I going to be okay in that kind of pain? Am I going to be okay realizing that I am the only person in the way? There's that quote that I always think about, and it's, you deserve the life you tolerate. And when I think of it that way, like I deserve this, I'm tolerating it. I'm not putting up boundaries with my family. I'm not putting up boundaries with friends. I'm not taking the action. I'm completely tolerating being mediocre when I know that I'm made from what God is made from. Right? You are made in the same image. You are made from all of the same things that he or she that you are comparing yourself to is made from. And I'm going to argue that if you have a traumatic story that you're going to have either a greater impact or your purpose is even bigger than maybe that person's that you are comparing yourself to. Because when you get through you are going to have so much to share and so much to say and more people than you can imagine need your message message and are waiting to hear how you got through and let go of your bullshit excuses and your old identity. Because this is exactly what I had to do. I was so addicted to my panic attacks and anxiety. I was so addicted to trying to find some form of medication, which by the way, I do believe people, some people need medication for sure, hands down, and it does help. But for me, I was addicted to believing that everything I needed in order to bust through this was outside of me when it wasn't at all. I needed more prayer, I needed more help. I needed to make more friends who actually cared about me. I needed to let go. I needed to go through the pain of what all those people who didn't care about me were about to say. And they did. I had to move forward and let it fall apart all around me until I could build it back up. I had to let it all fall apart and I had to know that I can handle hard things. I can get through this if I just keep doing the right thing. And I just keep talking to myself in a better way and I just keep taking that next step and I just keep re parenting myself right. I just keep being the person that I always needed. Be the person that you need. Be the person that you need. Be the person that you need. You have it in you. It is a choice. So when you're observing your thoughts and you're becoming self aware, say I love you. I see you. I'm giving you so much grace because I know that you were raised this way and I know that this story feels more safe than the fear. I know, know that this is what you saw and this is what you watched and this is, you know, a family legacy that you don't think that you could ever break. I know that you think this might be your genetics or in your DNA. I know that you've been told all of these things, but it's not true. And it's okay to feel like it's your identity, but it's not. And you're going to keep going and you're going to prove it a little bit more every day through a little bit more of your actions. You can break this cycle. You can break this cycle. And a lot of times the cycle just starts with one nice word to yourself. A lot of times the cycle starts with you just hitting the ground and hitting your knees and saying a prayer. A lot of times for me, the cycle started with saying get out of this house right now. Stop it. It's okay to cry, but you're going to cry on your walk, right? You're going to go and move your body and you're going to get outside of this environment that is taking you down. Right now.

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It's okay, but you're gonna choose again, guys. I'm so proud of you because you're choosing again. You're choosing powerful thoughts. I don't care who you are right now. There is another level that is probably knocking at your door that you're like, okay, I've, you know, I've done all this work, Lori, I've leveled up. I'm doing this thing, I'm coaching or I'm doing this. I have this amazing business, I have this huge life and guess what? But if we don't keep growing, we can still hit this place where we're like, oh my God. Or maybe you have achieved so many things at this point in your life that now you're identified by achievement and maybe you're finding that you're not happy doing all of these different things. That's a whole new place where you have to figure that out too. Where you have to figure out, where do I need more light? How do I need to talk to myself? What actually makes me happy? What do I need right now? Who do I need to become in order to be fulfilled? What do I need to do? What actions do I need to take? And we can think all day, but actions are gonna be the thing that backs up the thinking. Actions back up the thoughts. So think it, observe it and then take actual physical action. Because you are a physical human being. So if you wanna root down, that's why our habits and rituals are so powerful, right? That's why our habits and rituals are so powerful. And that's why shaking up the energy is some of the most important things we can do when feel stagnant. Like our energy wants to move, our life wants to change. So if you're in the same routine and you're Like, I'm so bored. I have this great life, but I'm so freaking bored. It's because your energy is really stagnant. It's doing the same thing, seeing the same people. You're not thinking new thoughts. You're not getting new perspective. We love new perspective. We love it, we thrive in it. We learn from it. We get to be more grateful because of it. And at the end of the day, it all comes also down to just a massive gratitude practice being so grateful for where you are right now. And if you've noticed, I noticed today on my run, in the beginning of my run, I was looking down a lot. I was looking at the ground and I was feeling just kind of blah. And like, I didn't know how I was going to complete all the things that are coming my way right now. I just have a. I'm about to go on a road trip. I'm about to speak. I'm about to do a lot of filming next week. I have to get a lot of things handed in to people who are relying on me. I have a lot of things coming up for different events. And I was just feeling like, oh, this is so much to do. And I was like, oh, oh, you wanna switch this because your life is awesome. Okay, how about we get grateful? And I noticed I looked up and everything expanded. And I went from a very. I went from a very close view, right? I went from the micro view. Like, basically, like, it feels like you're looking at your hand of your to do list, and it's just very intense and it's the only thing you see. And then when you get into gratitude, it's like you pull your hand down, you pull your to do list down, and all of a sudden the world opens up and expands. And I could see palm trees in the sky and I could just see all of these people and, like, running or walking or all sorts of different types of people today. And I just got so incredibly grateful and my world expanded. I went from this really micro view of blocking everything, like, blocking out what's around me, making the world only about me and my problems, and then realized, wow, when you really just zoom out. When you really just get grateful and expand your view, you can stop making it about you and realize just how just. Just freaking awesome life is. So, you guys, I gotta get my ass on the road because I was supposed to be driving already. And this is the story of my life and I'm not packed. So, yeah, there's that. It's how I function. It's how we do it. All right, so I'm sending you guys so much love. I would love to know where you're at with this. Just write me any takeaways in your stories. I love hearing about where this is hitting you and what doing you're you're doing. I love seeing all you guys. So I'm sending you so much love today. And until next time, earn your happy. Bye everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the Earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye Sam.