436: Show up for your true purpose and release the pressure to prove with Jordan Dooley

Hi, everyone. I'm so happy you've tuned into the show. Whether you have listened before or you're brand new, I'm so grateful for you. You have no idea. And this episode is brought to you by my Become Aligned course. And podcasts are amazing. And I know that you know that because you guys all listen to them, and I do, too. And sometimes they are not necessarily enough because while we're listening, sometimes we're passively listening and we're not actively listening. So the reason that Chris and I. Chris is my husband. The reason we've created this course is because we get asked so many questions outside of the podcast on how we started living the life that we live now. A life of happiness, of abundance, of really understanding that life is always full of problems every single day, but there's always a solution. And how do we shift back into a mindset that's going to keep us happy, keep us together, keep us successful, and keep us in thriving relationships? And that is what our, our Become Aligned course is about. You guys, we cover everything from mindset to the rituals that we do every single day. We talk about different energy sources that's really gonna provide you with lasting energy. We talk about your purpose and what that actually means, what it is and how it's ever changing. We're gonna tap into your beliefs, we're gonna show you how to build a tribe to support where you're going. And we're definitely going to talk about wealth, abundance, money, all of the good things, and how to sustain all of this. Because while, like I said, POD are absolutely awesome, you don't necessarily sit down and actually write out a plan for yourself. Because as much as I can sit here and tell you on the podcast, what we do and how much, how many different people that I can interview, it's important that you actually learn how to apply these things in your own life. So if you've been listening for a while and you are ready to go deeper and you really want to get some direct training and be able to dive into your life and yourself and your mindset, this is the course for you. I don't know about you, but I absolutely have points in my life where I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes I hit walls where I don't necessarily feel happy anymore, and I haven't sat with myself long enough. I haven't really let myself think. I haven't written out how I actually feel. And so many people who took this course said that it was completely life changing and they revealed a lot of things about themselves, about them, about their. About their relationships that they weren't really looking at or they were avoiding. And it's about having those tough conversations, not only with other people, but really with yourself and knowing that you have the tools and the access to the tools. And we're going to teach you all of the tools that you need not only to move through things, but to actually thrive on the other side. So, you guys, I would love for you to join the aligned community. It's such a special group of human beings and you get lifetime time access. This is nine different modules where you're going to be working through each area of your life at your own pace. So you might need something on abundance, you might need more on, you know, money, you might need more on your purpose on your tribe. This is where you can really go deep on exactly what you need and make sure that you're not missing any of your blind spots. If you are feeling stuck or if you are wondering how everyone is doing it and how they're managing it all. This is a truly honest course about how to have a thriving life and manage and deal with all of the different problems that do come up in your life and understand that not everyone is going to support you and not everyone is for you and you are not for everyone. And that's okay. It's finding your people, it's forgiving yourself. It's creating a life of abundance and choosing your own purpose and your happiness. So, you guys, you can go to becomealigned.com that's becomealigned.com and you guys know that because you're listeners, I'm gonna give you an awesome deal and an awesome discount and I cannot wait to see you in that community. And also let me know if you join because it is such an awesome, awesome community. And also I'm really proud of this course. Chris and I poured our heart and our soul into this. Everything that we've done, everything that we've learned, we've invested so much into ourself that this is everything that we have applied in our lives. And if you want to know how we've done it, we put it all on the table. We've put it all in this course. So if you want to know, go check it out@becealigned.com so let's get into the show.

When I'm looking at, you know, something or someone that I end up comparing myself to or feeling like I don't measure up to or like they're doing it better or I have no business doing it because they're already doing it. Actually try to be like, what could I actually learn from them?

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the show. And I just love the episodes where I get to really drop in with someone who I had the opportunity to meet. So when I get to meet my guests and really spend time with them and talk with them in person or share an experience in person before I get to be on the podcast, it makes the podcast even more fun because I feel like we can really get into the meet a lot quicker. Obviously being able to drop in personally and get to know someone. But I will tell you that my guest who is on today has an amazing presence online and I can definitely say that she is even more incredible, even more vibrant, even more amazing in person. And that is Jordan Lee Dooley. I got the honor of spending a beautiful afternoon with her and her awesome hilarious husband on a rooftop in LA with along with my husband, having some cocktails, eating french fries, amazing salads. We had a blast. You guys. Looking at a beautiful view. So Jordan Lee Dooley. She loves and lives with a buoyant effervescence and down home sincerity. She is an demand speaker, a blogger, she's the host of the she podcast. She's an entrepreneur, she's an author and she leads conversations and conferences both online and in person. They are all focused on delivering encouragement, community and advice to women striving to live with honesty, passion, grace and overarching purpose. She is determined to equip individuals with practical tools. She has created numerous resources to fuel the areas of life she feels most passionate about, including self care, wellness, business and entrepreneurship, entrepreneurship and faith. She presents the highly anticipated new book Purpose driven Life and it's all about own your every day, overcome the pressure to prove and show up for what you were made to do. And we talk a lot about the book, we talk about the journey that she has gone through and the wisdom that she loves sharing with women, and how to find and fulfill your purpose, what that actually means, and how that translates in your everyday life. Her amazing husband, Matt, and her dog Hoosier, live in Indianapolis, Indiana. And, you guys, I can't wait for you to hear this conversation, so let's dive in.

Jordan, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast.

It is such an honor to be here and to now know you personally. What a. What a fun combo.

Oh, my God. No, I. It's so funny because right before, we actually got to meet in person, which I'll talk to you guys about in a minute, like, a podcast request came through, and I was going through them with my assistant, and I was like, she looks awesome.

That's awesome.

She would be my friend. Like, I'm not even kidding you. That's literally what I said as I was looking for.

Oh, my gosh. Well, and now we actually are friends, so that works out perfect. I love it. Oh, that's so awesome.

That's so funny. So then, you know, I got to meet you in Los Angeles, which is so exciting, and we got to have this awesome brunch with you. Your amazing husband Matt on this incredible rooftop was kind of like one of those moments, like, coming from, you know, me coming from, like, small town in the Midwest, like, being like, is this really my life?

Same. I'm like, we don't have this in Indiana, so.

Yeah, no. Like, do I just get to meet cool people? And, like, she's on her book tour, and I've been on a book tour, and we get to talk about all this cool stuff we're doing. But. But before that, like, I want to. I want to chat with you just about, you know, I know that you have that writing a book and going on tour and doing what you do now is, like, you know, obviously been a big dream of pursuing your purpose for a really long time, and now you're living it, and it probably looks to the outside like, wow, has she always been that blessed, or is her life always been that way? So I would love for you to just share maybe a couple things from your childhood that you feel really shaped you, just different experiences that really shaped who you are right now.

2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You've become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever, that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand setup is fast with Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built in too. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy that shopify.com happy hear your first cha ching this new year with Shopify by your side. There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be one of them for you.

And when you want more.

When you're starting a business, you need Northwest Registered Agent because you get access to thousands of free guides, tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. And it's all in one place. You can build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow business for nearly 30 years. They're the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. You can sign up for free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer, drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale and more at no cost. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you the free tools you need after you form it. Like operating agreements, meeting minutes and thousands of how to guides that explain the complicated ins and outs of running a business. And let me tell you, this is life Changing because I had no idea how much went into this. So don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com, earn free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent at www.northwestregisteredagent.com forward/earnfree.

Yeah, well, I think one big thing that I can start off by saying is that I feel like a huge blessing from my childhood was that I was raised by entrepreneurial parents. And it's so funny because at one point I had actually started a lot of the very beginning of what I actually do now, which didn't even look like what I do now, but the very beginning of my own kind of entrepreneurial journey was while I was still a college student. I was finishing up school and my brother, also my sibling, he also, as a very young person was running his own lawn care business. And both my parents had businesses. My mom in the sports world and my dad in the construction world. And so I was raised around not only an entrepreneurial family, but also entrepreneur friends. I mean, most of their friends were either partners or business owners or small business owners or employees with a side hustle or things like that. I was raised one of the very first jobs that I had, actually probably the first job that I had was helping my parents with their gumball business. Like, they had their own businesses, but then they also had this like gumball side hustle where they had like a hundred, like 100 or 60 or like a 60 or 70. I don't even know how many, honestly. But all I remember is that when I was a kid, our garage was full of gumball machines and it was heaven. It was amazing.

Oh, my God. It's like a childhood fantasy.

Oh, it was like, what, did I just enter Willy Wonka? Like, it was amazing. But they had these gumball machines that they had invested in, and then they would place them in restaurants and hair salons and things like that around town. And so instead of getting an allowance, like, my parents just didn't believe in just like giving me money to give me money for existing. They were like, I mean, that's not necessarily how an allowance works, but they really wanted me to earn it and I had my brother to earn it. So we as kids would go around when my mom would pitch the gumball machines to, like, the local Pizza Hut and see if she could place one there. Or we would also go around with her every month or so and we would clean the gumball machines. And we'd get the money out, all the quarters out, you know, so exciting to see how many quarters we got. And we'd, like, see that the gumball machine was only half full. So we were like, oh, my gosh, this one's doing really well. And anyways, like, that was my first little job when I was, like, 10 years old. So I think, without even meaning to, because, again, like, I feel like a little bit of the beginning of my story was somewhat accidental. Like, I wasn't, oh, I'm gonna go be an entrepreneur. Like, I actually was just, I'm very creative, and I'm very ambitious, and so I think that's kind of what the making of an entrepreneur is. But, you know, in the beginning of my childhood, really, I was just taught the value of hard work, and it was scrappy. It was literally gumball machines in our garage. Like, my parents didn't have, like, this big, fancy warehouse or like, a palace or anything. It was just very, like, grassroots. And they were just doing things to try different ways, to invest and to creatively makes passive income and a really neat thing to be a part of. And I don't. I didn't even realize it at the time, but I think that really ingrained in me this kind of desire to find creative ways to support my family and do things like that. So that was a really big blessing to be raised around. And just. It's kind of like in my blood. That's just one of many things that shaped me. But I think also growing up somewhat out in the country, I mean, it was a neighborhood, but it was, you know, every fall or every summer, we drive past and smell the pig poop, like, and, you know, I just think, like, the.

Just.

My parents really raised me. Like, whether someone has a dollar or a million dollars or more, like, you treat them the same way. And I think just being out in kind of the Midwest, like, very unassuming. Like, some of the people I knew growing up were probably very well off, and I would have never known. Like, I didn't realize that till I was older, because they really just love people well, and they invited everybody over and just shared what they had. And there was just this, like, art of sharing and art of giving and just just not having to feel like you have to prove anything to other people, regardless of how much money you have and treating everyone the same way. So I think alongside that experience, you know, that really shaped me as well. I think a challenging one was maybe, like, just feeling. I was always like, in the 90th percentile growing up. And I think you and I talked about this a little bit. And so when you're nine and your doctor's like, yeah, you know, you're at a checkup, and your doctor's like, yeah, you're in the 98th percentile. You're, like, one of the biggest at your, you know, for your age. And I'm a girl, and I'm always standing in the back for pictures. I'm like, great. I'm a sasquatch, you know, so that kind of stuck with me a lot. Just body image and challenges with that feeling like I'm too big or I'm too tall or I always have to stand in the back with the boys. And that kind of started to level out by the time I got to high school. Like. Like, I kind of developed a lot earlier than everyone else, which made me feel kind of uncomfortable. I remember boys when I was, like, 10, would ask if I stuffed my bra, and I'm like, no, I hate this. You know, Like, I just want to go back to believing in Santa, you know? But I felt like I kind of had to grow up fast because of some of that. And so as much as that was a challenge during those years of adolescence, I guess I think it really taught me a lot, and it shaped the way that I now view, like, taking care of the body that I'm given. And there's time. There's been times, especially earlier in my life, where I really didn't treat it very well because I just wanted it to look a certain way. So learning how to get a healthy mindset about that and how that influences my work and my relationships and really, like, the way we view ourselves and our bodies, I think, affect every other element of our lives in many ways. So that was a shaping experience to have a little bit of, you know, bullying with that, too, Being told I had thunder thought and things like that I hated shopping for jeans, you know, and it's just one of those kind of things that even if it's not true, even though it's never true, and even though it's not true at all, it can still be one of those things that kind of recurs, like, oh, my legs look big, or, you know, whatever. So it's interesting how both the positive and the negative can really shape the way we view the world.

So at what point for you, was it that you kind of started to realize what you. You wanted to do in life? Like, that you, you know, went off on your own and figured out what it was that you wanted to do. What did that road look like to finding what you wanted?

You know, I think I'm still figuring it out. I don't know if I figured out what I wanted or what I'm supposed to do, but I think I've gotten a lot more clarity. I actually was sharing this with a friend just earlier today at a. In a meeting because she's actually. She works with me too, but she's also a friend. And I said, you know, know, I think one of the biggest, the most underrated currencies for women and just people in general. We talk a lot about saving time, we talk a lot about money, we talk a lot about even love. But there's this currency of clarity that I think is like the most valuable, especially for someone like me, who's very multi passionate, pretty much wants to do everything at one time. But I think where I started to realize, like, I want to create my own way, even though I might not have a clue what that looks like partially. Again, like I said, I think it was kind of ingrained in me and it was shaped in me. And I've always wanted to be someone who creates and contributes to the world in unique ways and, you know, using my passions and things like that. But I think maybe where it really kind of started to solidify for me, which I've never actually said this out loud because I don't think I realized it till just recently, was in the process of. I was seriously dating and then engaged to my husband, you know, my now husband. And he was pursuing the National Football League. He was trying to play in the NFL. He was a D1 college athlete, was ranked really high in his class at his position was pretty much guaranteed to be a shoe in, in many ways by his agent and some scouts and things like that. And so, you know, we were really looking forward to that journey. And it didn't happen quite, quite as seamlessly as it was, you know, seemingly promised. And we thought like, okay, this is not what it's cracked up to be. And he's like, you know, a lot of people hear about, like the NFL guy who's scoring all the touchdowns and makes millions of dollars. They don't really talk about. They don't really show the guy who gets kicked to the curb and makes like minimum wage as like a free agent, you know, so it's not always super glamorous. And anyway, so through the process of kind of waiting, like my dad always said when I was growing up, he's like, you have the ability to create your own destiny. He's like, you can't control your life, and you can't control all the outcomes, but you have a way, like, you have choices is kind of like what he instilled in. In me, and that was really powerful. But I didn't really, you know, it sounded nice when I was 15, but I didn't really know what that meant. But I think as we went through this NFL journey, as we were constantly, you know, waiting on a call, he got released, and then we, you know, shortly after that, we got married. And then we were just waiting for the next call and waiting for the next opportunity and going to these camps and hoping to get signed. It was like our opportunity to advance and take the next step was completely in the hands of other people and other decision makers.

Yes. And so.

So I think that's. I don't even think. I think it was so subconscious. Like, it wasn't like I was like, you know what? Forget about it. I just want to go start and create my own destiny. Like, it was never really a conscious thought, but I think that created something, a drive in both of us. Like, we're never going to let ourselves feel like somebody else has control of our ability to move forward. Because for so long we felt so stuck and stopped and waiting on uncertainty, waiting on a phone call, waiting on something. And to some degree, that's true. Like, you know, with a book, like, I had to wait for a publisher, but at the same time, I was still finding ways to create my own next steps. And so, I don't know, I think that really started the two year, two and a half year journey of just being on that roller coaster. I think, for both of us, started to make us look at life like, what could we do? Like, what do we have control of? And I think that's really what's led me to doing what I do now.

Oh, my. I love that you talked about that. Because I think that on a lot of people's journey, mine included, I think it's important to, you know, go down that road of thinking. Number one, I think some of it comes from, like, wanting validation or wanting a title or wanting love or wanting to be seen or whatever that is, or wanting, you know, or it aligns with the dream that we had that is potentially the carrot to get us to the real dream or whatever it looks like. But I want to know, at what point do you think, for all the people who are listening, who are really thinking, like, maybe they're just having this realization Right now, like, wow, I really put my destiny in the hands of others. At what point is it. You know, sometimes it's important for the journey, but also, when do we start to take it upon ourselves to start knocking on other doors and really creating it? Creating our own destiny?

Yeah. You know, I think we often ask for, like, a sign, you know, and I think it's. Have you ever heard the illustration of the man in the ship? Have you ever heard this? The guy who, like, drowned at sea? Do you ever hear that story?

I don't think so.

Okay, so I'll give you the quick rundown so that I promise it'll lead to a point. But basically, there's this point where we, like, often want, like, a sign painted across the sky. Or, like, we want just, like, you know, we pray big prayers, and we just, like, wait for this thing to happen. And we forget that sometimes we actually do have opportunities that just might not come in the packaging we wanted. And basically, the story is. So there's a guy, and he shipwrecks, and he's drowning at sea, and he's like, God save me. God save me. And this ship comes pulling up, and they're like, hey, buddy, like, need some help? And he's like, no, no, no. God's going to save me. It's going to be great. And. And the ship's like, okay, yes, psycho. And he's like, are you crazy? Like, he's like. He leaves, and next thing you know, a helicopter flies over, tosses down a ladder, like, hey, bud. Like, come on, like, we'll. We'll save you. No, no, God's gonna save me. God's gonna save me. And they're like, hello. You know, so they fly away, and of course he drowns. And that's the end of the story. And that's literally so tragic. But the reason I share that is because. And this is something Matt and I have, like, it's a story that we often talk about because, you know, it's like that thing where we're, you know, we're almost waiting. It's like the signs have been so clear, and oftentimes, like, there's been a way that's been made that just may not come in, like, this massive, like, light shining down from heaven, and we have this clear, like, it's time, you know, but it's like, well, we could have just got on the boat, like, and maybe getting on the boat for you might look like, hey, finally starting to take photos on the side. Or it doesn't even have to be like a full blown business. Like, maybe you just want to volunteer in a church because that brings you life, or maybe you just want to work at the local charity because you've really believe in that cause, but you haven't allowed yourself the time because you haven't created a white space in your calendar. Like, not everyone needs to be an entrepreneur to just start like creating their own destiny. And I often try to speak into that because to some degree I think that's true. But the reality is, like, we also need employees and we also need people. Like, we need the teachers, we need the things. And so again, it's like, as you're pursuing whatever journey you're on, whether it's to become a doctor or something else, and you feel like you're waiting on someone else to give you the green light, think about the things you can do along the way. That not only fulfillment, that fire in your soul, but that also and bring you life. But that also might move the needle. Like, for me, I didn't know I wanted to fully. You know, I hoped to write a book, but I wasn't like, that's the one thing forever. I just knew that I really loved creating content and that I really loved strategizing online marketing and building communities that were rooted in, you know, didn't feel like slimy marketing. It was genuinely like building communities and doing things like that. But I didn't know how to get from A to B. And it felt like I needed to wait on some big opportunity for someone to feature me or something like that. And then what I realized was, well, how can I get experience in this? Like, how can I start doing things that not only financially move the needle, but also practically so that it's not taking away from what I'm hoping to achieve. And so I contacted a local wedding venue and I was like, hey, I've learned a little bit about social media. Like, it looks like you could use a little help. No offense. No, but like, you know, I was a bride and I was shopping and I was like, I think we could really do some awesome things with your website and with your Instagram and like, you know, and I just started offering that as like a service and they contracted me for a year and I learned so many skills. I learned, learned all about photography and was able to even do some of my own photography. And you know, so it's like that wasn't quite the way in which I felt that would go like we often. But I found creative other ways that kind of allowed myself to move the needle along the way.

Too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained, and unfulfilled. I know that. I have experienced that myself. And the good news is, it doesn't have to be this way, and you don't need a new job to fix it. Patrick Lencioni, author of the Five Dysfunctions of a Team and more than a dozen other bestsellers, created the working genius assessment to help you pinpoint the kind of work that gives you energy, the kind that lights you up, and it also shares the kind that drains it. So over a million people, including me, have taken it and completely changed how I lead and show up every day. If you're a CEO, an entrepreneur, or someone who just wants to level up in business and in life, working genius is of kind going to give you the clarity and confidence to operate in your strengths and find greater joy in what you do. Because confidence isn't pretending to be good at everything. It's knowing where you're truly gifted. Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code earn@working genius.com. that's working genius dot com. You'll be glad you did it.

Something I want to point out that you just said is, you know, you. You offered that job knowing that you had skills, so you offered your services, but you also said that learned along the way, because that's really how we learn, is throwing ourselves into the deep end of the pool and being like, okay, well, here's my services. And you. So you got so much experience because having to show up for them made you have to show up and learn.

And getting on the boat that's passing by at that time. You know, it's not like you have to get on every boat, but it's like, I could see how this could kind of correlate or maybe help me gain some skills that would help of, like, where I ultimately want to go while I'm waiting on that to happen, you know?

Yes. That's so vital for I look back at all of the little things that, you know, brought me to where I am right now. And even right now is not the big thing. Like, I never look at anything as, like, the end big thing. So that's something that I want to chat with you about is, you know, I know that you talk about how the little things are so important to show up for because we put so much pressure on ourselves for this big thing or this aha moment or just like you were talking about this sign, but that's never how it actually really comes so can you tell me about, like, how. How do we start showing up for the little things in our life in order for us to be able to even show up for the big stuff?

Yeah, I always say you really can't do the extraordinary things until you learn to show up for the everyday things. Because, you know, I think we see the flashy, like, we see the awesome, the. The mountaintop, but we often forget about all the climbing that it took to maybe get to one of those mountaintops, and that's probably not even really the summit. Um, and so, you know, I think showing up for our everyday lives, like, for me, I've had to redefine how I view success. And I wrote about this in my book, because especially, I mean, I am such an achiever, and I love business and I love, you know, serving people and ministering to people and just loving on them. Like, there's. And so it's like, how do I marry these parts of my brain? You know? Cause, like, one part of me is like, let's just climb to the top. And the other part of me is like, but like, hey, can we talk on the way? You know, and so all that to say, I was like, how do I really define success? Because I started getting asked that question a lot, and, you know, I started to think about, like, well, when I think about success, initially, I think about those big things, right? Like getting the features or, you know, hitting a certain revenue figure or launching the big thing or hitting about having a bestseller or, like, whatever these benchmarks are. And those are things to celebrate. Like, I always am very careful to make sure I'm balancing the messages. But on the same time, I was like, okay, but, like, the majority of my life is lived, like, life is lived between me and a big goal, right? Like, the majority of life is lived between that. So what does success look like in those, like, mundane days where I'm, like, sitting at home and just hustling after emails and putting out fires and forgetting to do things and having to fix it and all of those things that happen that aren't nearly as, you know, awesome to share? And what I realized was if I could have a few things that were, like, micro success factors in my life, like, I once heard, I forgot who was. It might have been Brendan Burchard or one of the other greats, but basically I heard them share just about, like, the idea of having micro goals, like, if you want to go to the gym, I think it was actually, no, you know, I think it was on Marie Forleo's. Podcast. But anyways, the idea was like, if you want to go to the gym, gym, then set all these like micro steps along the way. Like, okay, I'm gonna lay out my stuff the day before, like my workout clothes. I'm gonna put my, set my alarm for 15 minutes earlier than I actually want to get up. Like, there's all these like little micro like successes along. They're not successes, like benchmarks along the way. And so I really liked that idea of like, how do you like, it was just this micro like breaking down the goal. And so when I started to, I started to think about that in terms of like success. And I kind of put my own like spin on it. I thought, what if we had daily like micro success factors? Like, I just kind of made that term up. But I was, was like, what if we had like four or five things that if we went to bed every single day, we would call that day a success, even if we hadn't hit the bestsellers list yet or even if we were in the trenches of working on something or we didn't hit the list we wanted to hit or whatever the like, accomplishment is. And so I started to, you know, map those things out. And for me it was like I moved my body today. I was present with my husband after, after dinner today. Like we really, really like talked and went for a walk or like really connected. I prayed today, like these things that are genuinely valuable and important to me and who I am, like actually saying, like, am I actually checking in and doing those things when I'm hustling after this, you know, between me and the goal? And I think sometimes we can bulldoze right over those because we're so tunnel visioned on the extraordinary goal or the big thing that we miss these, like all that actually builds who we are between now and the goal. And it's like then we get to that place and we might not even be prepared for it or like grounded in who we are. And I think that that is when people fail to be grounded. Like, if I've learned anything, like, there's times I've made that mistake and I've really had to learn from it. As you know, I've grown because I think what keeps you grounded is remembering. Like, it's just like when you turn a new, like when your birthday comes and people are like, oh, you're a whole year older, how do you feel? And you're like still the same person, you know. And I think we do continue to grow for sure, but I think If I think if we get it out of our heads that once we hit that milestone, that somehow that's when we'll be successful or that's when we'll be confident or like, whatever. That, like, I think that's what makes us start to kind of, like, float away and kind of get this big head. And we. We fail to be grounded and humble and kind and, like, remain true to who we are in the midst of all the demands and all the people who now suddenly want something from us or who suddenly want to offer us something or all the new opportunities that come when we hit that place. I think it's about, how do you show up in the everyday when no one else is paying attention? Because that's what will ultimately keep you grounded when suddenly other people are paying attention.

Oh, my God. I so. I so relate to this. Even, like, this morning, I totally. We. We woke up super early, like 5am I normally wake up at 7, and I was like, oh, my God, I can, like, catch up on all these podcasts. I can do all these intros that I need to do. And instead I read and I, like, had a nice long meditation. Then I was beating myself up for not feeling super caught up on stuff. And I'm like, but you did meaningful things that were so important to you. So I had to switch focus. And I think everything that you said, it's like, what are you really, really focusing on? Because whenever we focus outside of or, like, an expectation, right? Like, when we have this expectation of ourselves and we forget what actually makes us happy or what makes us feel content or grounded, like, really switching focus. So for you, I want to. I just want to chat, like, literally achiever to achiever, because I was not an achiever before I hit the age of, like, 26 or 27. So when I realized that achievement brought attention, I became an addict because I'd never gotten attention like that before, really, from anyone. So for me, it was like, I had to achieve a lot to realize that achieving wasn't it. Like, it is. It is, but it's not. So how do you balance the message of, yes, achieve, yes, become your highest self, but also, it's not. It, like, how. What? Help me.

I know. It's so hard, right? It's like, how do you actually do this? Like, great concepts. How do I actually live it? You know, I think I'm still fine finding that balance, and I'm pretty open about that. Like, it's. It's. It's a way of life that I am that I am working toward and that I'm growing into. Um, it doesn't come naturally to me because again, it's like I'm not so much money driven as I am achievement driven. So I think the only way that I ever feel money driven is if that indicates a clear achievement. You know what I mean? It's kind of weird. But anyways, all that to say, you know, I think one thing that has really helped me is, you know, having goals because I'm a goal oriented person, but then putting boundaries on those goals because I'm also someone who can very quickly become obsessed with a goal that I like, bulldoze over every everything and everyone else in the way to get there. And I've hurt relationships, you know, I've hurt myself. Like, I've put myself through really hard, like, exhausting, unhealthy seasons. And it's like, what am I doing? And so for me, I was like, okay, if we put boundaries on other things, like how much we're on our phones or how much we work or like these are things like if we're chasing goals, whether it's in our career or our fitness or pretty much anything, what's the boundary on that? So that that goal doesn't begin to take over my life, so that the need to achieve doesn't begin to take over everything. And so that's, that's just like putting guardrails on that so you can actually roll in the right at the right pace and in a, in a healthy way. And so for me, I, for example, like in health and fitness. Let's just use that as an example. You know, when I, back several years ago when I was training for a half marathon and wanting to get in better shape, like I basically starved myself because I was. So I started to become so obsessed. I started to see that I was losing weight because I was running so much. And then I was like, I bet if I count my calories and don't eat too much, like I could lose a lot, a lot of weight really, like really fast. Even though I really didn't need to lose much weight or anything. And so it became like a really weird obsession for me and a really unhealthy obsession. But in my mind I was like, but I'm just training for the half marathon. I need to be as light as I can be and as lean as I can be so I can finish the race. Like, that's what I told myself. When in reality it's like you also need to be nourished, you know, like you need strong bones. So now, in this season of my life, when it comes to health and fitness, I know if I'm not careful, it's easy to tip back into that mentality, to start getting obsessed with numbers again, to start getting obsessed with things with. In an unbalanced way. And so I was like, okay, what are the parameters I put on my dedication to fitness? If I'm gonna work out five days a week, I'm gonna try to keep those workouts to 30 minutes, 30 to 45 minutes max. Like, I'm not gonna work out like I used to. Two and a half hours a day. Like, that's just insane, you know, But I didn't. I didn't start off like that. It started off with 30, 40 minutes, and then it turned. I never really had any kind of parameters or boundaries, and I wanted to see progress faster and achieve the goal faster and get to my goal weight faster. And so I just was like, ah, what's. What's another hour? Like, what's a hundred jumping jacks before bed just so I can get to my calorie limit, like, things like that. Um, I'm like, okay, if I keep it to 30 minutes and I, you know, make sure I have two rest days a week and I have a calorie minimum and I have an accountability with someone that knows me, like my husband or a good friend, then those are a couple parameters I can put on that goal that if I'm trying to gain some muscle or if I'm trying to lean out a little bit, or if I'm trying to build my endurance, like, whatever goal I'm working towards in the season, there's still a couple of these boundaries on that. So that I'm not getting obsessed with it and it doesn't begin to snowball into. It just takes up two hours of my day. And now I haven't spent time with my husband, and now I haven't, you know, done what I really need do to. To do, like, be still, you know, like the things that actually really also matter just as much as chasing the goal. So even just something as simple as putting some boundaries on a goal is so game changing.

Oh, I love that. I've never actually heard boundaries on a goal, and I love it because there's definitely. There's definitely things that I could put boundaries on for sure, that would make it a lot more clear. But then there's the time. So I want to ask you, because you're in it, like, with your book right now, and I definitely went through it with my book where like boundaries on a goal would be great but at the same time it's like if you, there are times where if you don't ride the momentum and you don't run through a wall and do all that you can. Now I'm still trying to figure out if this is true or a story I'm telling myself, like, are there times when you are gonna just be so effing sweaty like that you, you know, you're like, who am I? What is happening? My life is like crazy right now because you are riding the momentum of the importance of getting something out there, getting a book out there or you know, pushing for your life to get something through the atmosphere.

Yeah. And I think that, I think to some degree there are, there are those like kind of times where it's like, okay, this is a season. Like for example, I've. This is another like normally the boundary on my work is that I take a 24 hour social media just device break every single weekend at some point, whether it's all day Friday or Saturday afternoon through Sunday afternoon or something like that. Just to kind of reset every week without having to like, you know, do a two week cleanse and then come back and be like, everything's a mess. So that was like a really strong cycle I got into. But I told myself that, you know, the month of book launch, I'm just going to make the exception because I need to be fully available, trying to share, thanking my readers, like doing what it takes to keep that momentum going as much as I can. But I think again, there's still a boundary on that because it's like, okay, that is, I'm still putting that in a time window. That doesn't mean I'm not riding the momentum. That doesn't mean I'm not showing up. That doesn't mean I'm like, okay, after a month I'm just gonna like log off and you know, sit in my hand hammock. I don't have a hammock anyway, so most random example, but I really love one anyways. So you know, I think for me it's like, I think we can even put like, hey, this is a hustle season. Like this is the next six weeks. Like I am going for it and I'm not gonna give up. But I'm gonna have to rest at week, week six. Even if that just means I take 24 hours off social media, that's still a boundary. It might not be, you know, such a tight boundary that I don't have any flexibility. Like, I didn't say, you know, on my strongest engagement day and the day that I know everyone's really sharing, like, I'm going to just stop. Like, no, it's like, hey, when can I, when can I work in a break here? And then when do I get back into my normal commitment in my normal cycle? Well, it's at the six week mark post launch or whatever the thing is that I set. And so I think even that it's like you can give yourself these windows to like ride the momentum. And I don't think, I think that's one lie we tell ourselves as a culture too is there is going to be times where there's a lot more wiggle room. And I think there has to be if you really do want to do it right. But I think we also tell ourselves, like, oh my gosh, if I get off for two hours, like, we're doomed. It's like, no. Like, if it's gonna, if it can stand for itself, if you have truly created something that is powerful, the fact of the matter is like, there's only so much you can do to control. And I think I can become very controlling too. Like, the momentum is gonna die if I don't show up for six hours on Sunday afternoon. And it's like, that's not true. And so I think also just relinquishing myself of like, not just being like a drill sergeant about my boundaries because I definitely need the flexibility, but also, also relinquishing myself of the lie that if like, I for some reason need to take a little bit of time to rest, or if after weeks I'm gonna like, go back into my normal cycle, believing that it's good enough to stand on its own two feet and that the momentum will carry it beyond what I can even control. It does give me that freedom. But I think again, it just comes down to like, what's the window of time? Maybe that's the only boundary on your goal. What's the window of time that I'm gonna hustle till I can't breathe And I'm gonna cross the finish line at six weeks and then I'm gonna reset, you know, and maybe it'll just look a little different and I'll shift and shake so it doesn't have to be like super strict. I think it just helps to have that in your brain so that it doesn't totally take over. Cause otherwise, if I didn't say, hey, at the six week, four week mark, I'm gonna get back into my cycle. I probably would never get back into it. I just kind of keep letting it, like, okay, well, like, I'm, you know, addicted again or whatever. So I think that's just a simple way to handle that.

I, like, that has saved my life. We. And that's now how we live. Like, we call our seasons, so, like, we'll even call our weeks. And, like, we've got. This is a crazy week. And what it does is it releases expectations of, like, how we normally live. It's like, yeah, we're gonna miss some stuff. We're probably gonna miss some workouts. We're not gonna have that downtime that we normally like. And I think, like, releasing those expectations and being like, no, this is. This is a hustle period. It's gonna be really uncomfortable, and then, like, guarding that time afterwards. So how do you. Because, like, everything will come in and seem so important on your rest time, right? So how do you block that? Like, what do you do? What do you say? Do you have something that you actually say to people to keep that, like, a boundary for you and Matt to, like, recharge after you've been on the road or whatever that looks like?

So it's usually if we're, like, for. In this. For that specific instance for recharging after the road, like, I feel like we haven't even fully recharged because this weird thing happened where we went on the road. We had, like, nine days of just straight touring. Everything was, like, amazing. And then the publisher was like, hey, like, we want to add a couple dates. How's Cincinnati and Phoenix? Like, great. But it was this weird thing because it wasn't, like. Like, within that time block of 10 days that we were gonna just crush it. And so it was like, a week and a half later, and then like, a week after that, you know, so we're kind of like, okay. We haven't really been able to fully release, but there's been a few things that I've tried to trickle in. In the. In the. In between. And then we actually scheduled, like, a week away so that we would be out of our norm in July. So we were like, okay, that's, like, a little bit down the road. So we're gonna just hustle through that kind of. Even if we're not on tour, like, we're not gonna. You know, any ways that we can find ways to rest, but it's just kind of wonky right now, and we're just kind of rol. But today I got a massage, and it was Amazing. So, you know, just even like, what's one thing I can do this week to just like Reese reset a little bit. Even if it's not like the full five, seven days of reset or like when we got home from tour, I didn't nap. I went for a bike ride because my brain was going so fast, even though I was so tired and I felt super weird because I'm like, what do I do now? It was like all this, like, it was like super anticlimactic. I like came home back to like normal life. Chickens pecking around in our Indiana backyard. And I was like, oh, well, I just like a lot just happened and I can't like just do nothing and I don't know what to do. So even just like, like kind of processing and going outside and going on a bike ride was really life giving for me. So those little things you can work in when you have little gaps, even if it's not your full blown like reset season has been helpful now and then. We scheduled a vacation in the middle of July. We were like, we're out here. Like we gotta go. And we actually did that before the tour as well, like, which seemed a little silly. I'm like, I am so stressed about the fact that we're going to Hawaii like the week before my book launches. But it was prob. Probably the best thing we could have done because it was like a recharge. It like charged me before I went and then I'll recharge in July. So sometimes. And it doesn't have to be a fancy vacation like we're going to Lake Michigan. It's not like we're flying to, you know, Bali. It's just what's something we can do that's four hours, a four hour drive. And so anyways, it just, I think again, like it's one of those things to build out, like bookend your crazy seasons with rest and then build in like little things like a bike ride or a massage or you know, a movie night. Like a couple of the. Those like you can squeeze in throughout the craziness, even if it's not your normal routine. That really helps me kind of like reset.

I swear I'm living. I lived the same life as you during book launch. That's exactly what I did. I even went to Hawaii a week before my book launch. Really? Oh my gosh, that's so funny.

And you were in Hawaii the same week I was there this year?

Yes. Which was like, what is going on right now? I felt like I should not Be doing it. I was like, what am I doing a week before? But I was so, like, I needed to, like, remember just even who I was and what, like, rest felt like away from everything. So I. I love that you said that. Just, like, really building in. It's crazy because before in my life, I would have never been like, yeah, I'm gonna have a massage in the middle of the day. I'd be like, no, it has to be in the end. I need to not be doing anything else throughout the day. And now I'm like, nope, let's go to a movie. Like, you need those pockets of just, like, something so drastically different and dropping into a different mindset. So for you, you know, I think that, you know, keeping your mind or getting your mind to a place where it's a little more still what is something that you do, especially in Building Season or. I know so many people are wanting to launch a business or they have all of these ideas, and you can be in this point where your brain does not stop, but that can also be a really awful place to be trapped is, like, in your own brain sometimes. So what are some things that you do to slow that down or stop the anxiety or stop, like, the future living, Whether it's ideas or, you know, anxiety?

So Matt got me a notepad by our bed. We have a no phones in the bedroom roll. Because it's crazy how much just even being on your phone, like, triggers a million other ideas and things you feel like you should be doing that you're not.

Yes.

So even just like, I. I'm an idea person. Like, I am so full of ideas, and 98% of them, I don't actually have the ability to do. You know, every now and then, you find a little golden gem. So even just writing and getting them on paper makes me feel. I think the anxiety sometimes comes when you. You have a lot of things you'd like to do or try or implement into your business or start with or whatever, and feeling like you have nowhere to actually put them, and then you don't want to forget them, and then you have to act on them so you don't mess them up. And then you're, like, terrified because of perfectionism and all the things. So I just started keeping this notepad by my bed and then actually not only writing down the idea, but then actually trying to map out what would this look like if I were to do that. So that's how I process and get things out of my head in bed and in a place of rest. In the. And then we kind of like, we protect our bedroom. Like it's sacred. It's like the other day I actually walked into the room with my phone and sat on the edge of the bed for a minute. And Matt's like, no phones in the bedroom or especially on the bed. And I was like, oh, yeah, sorry. So just like having that as an accountability is one way that I really try to kind of calm that anxiety, like I'm gonna read or if I'm full of ideas and it's just all jumbled in my head and it's creating this like, anxiety or this like urgency, then I'm gonna get them out and even kind of allow myself to map them out so I can go up. Well, you know what? I'm gonna let that one go. Like now that I've tried to map it out. And it kind of actually allows me to rest. And so that's just something for me. And probably that can work for a lot of achievers. Just having a space that is like all the things can go and you can even map it out and think it through without having to be on a device or connected or whatever. So that's kind of one big rule. Another thing for me is like in the mornings, I really try not to touch my phone for the first hour to hour and a half. And like you were sharing, like utilizing that to take advantage of. I try to either go for a walk, especially in the summers because we live out in the country and it's so beautiful when the sun is rising. And so either going for a walk and like you were sharing, like meditating or prayer, like for me, I just love to like spend time for like 15 minutes of the devotional. Like I have this devotional called rest. And if anyone is at all into that, like, it's the best thing ever because it's really just about like getting out of the chaos. And like, it's short because I can't do a ton at one time. It doesn't feel relaxing to me then. And so anyways, that was super. Life giving. It was 60 days and that I was like, I need to find another one like this. But because it was just so relevant, you know. And so like you said, like taking that time to maybe move your body a little bit, stretch, get still. Whether that's in prayer or just breathing or devotional or something like that. So for me it's a devotional and just walking outside, just like getting out and like remembering that life is like paying attention to little things, at least in the mornings, like then I have to like get into the craziness. But I'm like, wow, that bug is super cool. Never seen one of those bugs before. Like, I think we found forget to like marvel at life and to marvel at the wonder that is like a weird bug, you know? Or like, wow, like I didn't realize that that flower grew like that. Like just actually paying attention to those things. Even when I go for a jog or a bike ride or just a walk, like I think we can go and still be in go mode. And I actually calm my brain down by trying to pay attention to the little things that make up the earth. Because that is actually pretty stinking cool. And I think we in our go mode, in our digital age, we feel forget like there's a world functioning around us and it's like sustaining itself. And that's pretty dang awesome. So like, holy cow. You know, and so just like being thankful for that and prayer and gratitude, like that has been really helpful in this year. And I know, like, I used to think that sounded super, like, I don't know, like, I don't know, just was like, that sounds super like out there. It just doesn't. Like, how do I grasp that? But like I said, just I think being grounded, like for me and really being intentional about just invite, like I always say, like, I, for me, I'm a believer. So I'm like, I gotta invite God into my goals. Like, that's just how I am. I just own that. I'm unapologetic about it. And so just even saying like, hey, God, what are we doing today? Like, we going okay, you know, and just like allowing that to be part of who I am and informing my mornings and prepping me for my day makes a really big difference.

Oh, I love that. Invite God into your goals. So how do you do that? So I know that it sounds like you have, you know, like a really like just open conversational relationship. But for people who maybe don't know how to do that, like, why does God care about this goal? If I get this New York Times bestseller, why does you know, why does the universe care about this? Or whatever you believe? But so how do you tie yourself to that? Because that truly makes me feel a million times better as well. Because I really believe that when we're following our purpose, we're helping with so many different things on the planet and helping so many people. So how do you invite that in? How do you listen?

I think that's actually a really good. So I actually have a reminder on my phone, because otherwise I'm such a doer, I forget to pray, be still, breathe all the things, right, that, like, actually ground us and center us, regardless of, you know, maybe what others believe. And so I was like, you know, I think I need a reminder. So I used to put Talk to God on my phone, okay. And I actually switched it to listen because I talk a lot and I talk to people. I. I, like, don't actually. And I never was really doing it because I was so busy. And so I've really now been like, where's the white space where I can just, like, lean in and listen? Because there's been. I don't know about you, but, like, when I do, like, mindless activities, like, one. This is crazy, but one of my best ide came when I was painting my chicken coop. Okay. And you probably have a ton of California listeners who are like, who is this. Who is this, like, chick that you have on you? But, you know, being out in, like, the Midwest and in the country, you know, it's like, we just make stuff outside. We have bonfires. I don't know. And so I'm out here, like, I mean, I know you're from the Midwest, but I was picking my chicken coop and just, like, listening. I didn't even realize I was listening. But I think sometimes when you're just allowing your brain to be where it is and to be still, like, I think that's where we're the most open and invitational. And that's the times that I've been like, hey, God. Like, you know, that's just. I just talk like, I'm a. Like, it's my friend. And I'm just like, I've had this big, like, why do I have this goal? Like, sometimes it's just more of, like, actually being open to looking at your own soul and allowing what's going to be revealed to be revealed. Because I've learned a lot about myself in doing that. And there's times I've been like, I actually don't think there's a reason for that goal other than I think other people might think it's cool. And that's when I've actually found the freedom to let go of some of those things that I'm not actually doing from a place of purpose or impact or intention, but more just, like, that would look bright and bright and shiny, and that would make me look good, you know? So I'm like, that's not, like, necessarily a totally bad thing, but it's More like, I'm gonna lose steam if that's all that's driving me. And so that's why I sometimes, like, allow, you know, for me, it's like, God, show me, like, if there's something that I may be doing from a place of just, like, hustle. Because that's when we live the pressure to prove there's nothing wrong with hustle seasons. But I think if we are more pressure driven than purpose driven, we're gonna burn out, and we're not actually gonna reach our goal or do or actually have the impact of that we were really, I believe, made to have, you know, and so that's what it looks like for me. It's just like, actually allowing myself to open up and look at myself in the soul a little bit and look in the mirror and be like, why am I. Why do I even care? Like, there was, you know, something recently that happened that I was really chasing after. And, you know, there was this part of me that's like, I think that would help us reach more women with this message, which is a very true thing and, you know, a really worthy goal. And I think that's a really good thing. But there was also a part of me when it didn't happen that I was like, hmm, maybe there was. Like, maybe that's just teaching me to remember that that's not what success ultimately is or what true impact ultimately is based on, like, one ranking or one award or one trophy or whatever. So it, like, sometimes just being open to receiving the lessons that come in those things is a really powerful way to understand. Like, oh, that's what you're trying to teach me. Like, that's what I need to learn. It's like, maybe I didn't get the outcome I wanted. James Wedmore said this on stage at Kajabi. He said, you're either gonna get the outcome you wanted or the lesson you needed.

So.

So I think sometimes, even if the work goal doesn't pan out, like Matt's journey with the NFL, we definitely got the lessons we needed, you know? Cause we were. We started to listen. We were like, hmm, what are we missing here? Because we've been so hyper focused on this thing that we haven't even really asked ourselves, why are we chasing this so hard? Like, what else might there be? So.

Wow, the outcome. You. You're always going to get the outcome you wanted or the lesson that you needed.

Say, yeah. So I think a lot of times we fear failure. We don't take action. But he basically summed it up in saying, like, it's not failure. It's either the outcome you wanted or the lesson you needed, which will then probably drive to the outcome you needed. Anyway, I was like, oh, pretty good.

It's so true. And I, yeah, I so feel you on that.

Literally.

I just look back on everything that I was like, man, I really thought that was it. And I know that, you know, being so faith based as well, sometimes we get these visions and we're like, I thought you wanted me to have like, I thought if this was burning so deeply in my heart that this is what was supposed to happen. So I. Am I off?

Yeah.

Have you ever? Have you ever had that happen?

Well, that was like, I mean, total. There's been so many situations. But even like with Matt's NFL journey, I often refer to that because in the last like five years or so, he's chased that big goal and then I've chased like this bestselling book goal, right? Like, okay, so we both chase these like relatively high level goals and things that are really hard to actually see through. And it's been really interesting to be on the journey together through that and with his situation. When he was released from, from the Steelers, we had just gotten married. We were like, what are we going to do now? And we kind of weighed our options and we realized he's actually originally from Scottsdale, Arizona. And so we realized that it would probably be the most in. In our best interest to go to Scottsdale, Arizona, because that's where his coaching was, his training, like, all the things he needed access to to try to get back into the league were there. And so we were like, okay, let's like pack up all of our wedding gifts. I never even got to use one of the three blenders that I. The three matching blenders. Like, I did not do a good job on my registry. Anyways, got three of the same. But anyway, so I packed up all. We packed up all that stuff and we drove across the country and we actually stayed with his grandparents for a short while until we were able to find a place. And he was training and you know, it was crazy because like literally a week within moving there, he got an appendicitis and had an emergency surgery. And we were like, what the heck? And they said, yeah, you can't lift anything over 10 pounds for about eight weeks. And the eight weeks that we were supposed to be there, the first eight weeks were like the most critical because they had a camp or like a combine in January that was in November. And so we Were like, well, that's a closed door. Like, what are we supposed to do? You know? So we really started to rethink things. But we. He kind of said, he's like, I think I still need to give it a chance. Like, this could just be a hiccup in the road. I don't want to give up at the first sign of resistance. So we stayed there through, like the beginning of the summer. And he had drawn kind of a line in the sand. He's like, if I'm not signed by. I think he said, like, May 31st or something. He was like, then I'll probably hang it up and I'll, like, pursue, go back to the job. I had worked before. I worked for the Steelers or played for the Steelers. And so that was the plan. And he ended up not getting signed. And so that was kind of disheartening. Like, as May kind of came and we were like, what the heck? You know? So we thought we went to Arizona to train and ultimately to get into the NFL. But what was so crazy is while we were there, both his uncle and his grandfather passed away within, like three weeks of each other or four weeks of each other.

Oh, my gosh.

And it was a really hard, like, that's crazy. Like, no, there's been no loss in the family since then. Okay. That was three years ago. And so, you know, we were there literally when these things happened. Like, the day we were supposed to come, we were going to move back to Indiana just because that's where he had a job opportunity. Opportunity. The day before we were supposed to leave is when his grandfather passed away or when his funeral was. And so we extended our time a little bit. But, you know, it's like, what we realized was we thought we were going there to, like, make our way and, like, chase this big flashy goal. But what we ended up finding is, like, man, sometimes the most glamorous things we go after aren't actually the most important. And sometimes the most unglamorous things, like being there by your grandfather's side when he's passing away, are the most important things. And so it was so powerful for us to learn that in the midst of what felt like a failure and what felt like a massive redirection into the emotion, the unknown. Like, but we were here for a purpose and this was really important. Even though it was not glamorous, even though it wasn't cool to post on Instagram, even though you didn't make, you know, a six figure salary, like, we. This is gonna matter Way more in the long term. So it was just a really big lesson for us there.

Wow. But so many, like you said, just kind of redirections in that way. And, you know, we never know what's drawing us to a certain place for. For that reason, something you could never, ever plan. It's like listening to. Listening to your gut on what you think is. But it's another thing. Okay, so I could talk to you all day, but we're nearing the end. So there's a couple things that I want to chat with you about because you have, like, I think so many people know of you because of your amazing presence online. Like, your ability to be who you are. Because I've met you in person and had, you know, like, an amazing lunch with you, and you are the same person. Like, I feel the same exact energy. And so with social media and with being so present on social media, I know that that can come with a lot of, like, we had chatted about just you take, you know, time off of your phone and you set those boundaries and things like that. But how do you deal with, you know, judgment, comparison, distraction, all of the things that can happen when we are online?

I try to reinvest the energy that I would spend either comparing or worrying or whatever into learning. One big realization I had this year was that usually the people I end up comparing myself or envying the most are usually the people I would probably like the most if I sat down and got to know them. Like, it's crazy. And I had that realization at a. At a gym when I was trying to compete with this chick who was, like, doing Navy SEAL level workouts. And I'm over here like, well, I'm walking on the treadmill, so holla, you know, but, you know, I really compared myself to her. I'm like, that chick is crushing it. I don't know how she's doing that so intensely without a trainer. Like, I bet she has meetings with the pressure resident and a private jet. Like, I made up this whole story. And then at one point throughout these, like, three weeks of me just like, kind of feeling like I had to measure up, but didn't at all. I ran into her and yeah, because I was grabbing a mat and I was intersection. So he made eye contact. And then I was like, shoot, now I have to say something. And so I was like, hey, are you doing hit workouts? And she's like, yeah, I want to do them with me. I'll be here on Wednesday. And I was like, wait, what? No, I don't want to do these with you. I was like, that escalated quickly. I don't even know your name. But anyways, long story short, I'm like again, being the achiever. I'm like, there is no way I'm gonna look like a weenie and say no and she's gonna see me for the next six weeks, like, you know, afterwards. And so I did not chicken out. I said, yeah, I'll do it. I'll be here. I'll see you at 5:30. And so met her at the gym and turns out she's super normal. She just gets up early. I was like, go figure. You know, we live like two miles away. And we ended up running the rest of the fall together. We'd go for jogs. Like, we really got to know each other. She told me about her dreams, the types of gym she wanted to start, like, just different things. And she's just, She's a normal person, you know. So I was like, I actually really like her. Like we'll. We're friends now. And I think that's hilarious because for three weeks I thought like this chick and I were like our Jenny's. Even though she. So I share that because, you know, a lot of times online I think we can observe where someone else is or their successes or you know, maybe where we're lacking or things we'd like to be doing that we're not or dealing with maybe criticisms. Right. Or whatever. But that gap we can experience. I really try to focus, like even. I mean, people criticize you all the time. So I've kind of had to learn. There's just a point at which you kind of get over that like you can't control what people think. But when it comes to. At comparison and things like that, I really try to. When I'm looking at, you know, something or someone that I end up comparing myself to or feeling like I don't measure up to or like they're doing it better or I have no business doing it because they're already doing it. Actually try to be like, what could I actually learn from them? Because I bet if we were sitting over tacos, I'd learn a crap done, you know. So I try to like envision that and re. And reinvest my energy into that and then also into community building. And so really like not. Not focusing on what I might not have yet or where I might not be growing or whatever and being like. But here's what I do have and how can I. I make a really awesome community of this and, you know, so I always try to say, like, if I can focus in on the community that I have and be coachable and try to be willing to learn instead of trying to leverage myself against someone else, I actually always end up winning and I end up learning something new. So that's really kind of the mindset shift that I've had to take on. Oh, my God, I love that.

I'm like, same thing. I just, I attempt to get out of my own head, like, so important. I love that you said that. So do you go up to people now and like, hi, what can you teach me?

Like, why do you want to work out? Well, I think, I mean, sometimes in real life I just tried. My dad actually, this is a really great rule just to pass on. Um, and when I was growing up, he had the ten foot rule. Have you ever. Have you ever heard of something like this? I think it's just something my dad made up. Um, but he said the 10 foot rule is kind of like a huge rule of business, but also just personal relationships and life. He said if someone is within 10ft of you, you acknowledge their presence. You say hello. And so I think we fail to do that in our culture that always have our heads down instead of our eyes up because of our phones. And so I really tried to, you know, definitely implement that into real life and be very intentional to greet people on elevators or say hello or start a conversation. And also, then that also translates, I think, to the online space, like, knowing who the people that are within 10ft of you, meaning like your closest circle. Like, that's where you should be spending the most time because you actually know those people. And then if you don't know them, then focus on, like, how can I maybe lead, lean in and learn from a distance, even if I can actually like, personally connect with them. So it's just kind of a neat way to look at it. And that way I'm not like waving to the guy down the road like, hey, you're really cool. Can I learn from you? You know, but like, if I'm walking past someone's section of the gym and I say hi and I acknowledge them, I didn't expect her to be like, want to work out in two days? Like, thought she would just say hi back and yes and move on. And instead it led to a friendship. So I think there's a lot of power in just owning that and, you know, living by the ten foot role.

Oh, my God, I love that because I literally got this vision of like, like Literally. God, with the. Like, you were talking about, like, the ships passing, like, him being like, I literally put this person within 10ft of you and you missed it. Your answer.

Yes, exactly.

That person knew the answer to your question. Oh, my gosh. Let's try this again. And then again and again. That's so awesome. I love that so much. So what is. Is a. What are. What is a question that you wish more people asked you? Hmm.

I think more people. I often get asked, like, what do you do? Or what are you passionate about? And both are. Which. Both of which are hard for me to answer because I'm like, I kind of do a lot of things. I'm trying to zero that in a little bit more, but I am very multi passionate. And then when they're like, what are you passionate about? I'm like, well, do you have four days? So I actually really like the question of, like, what do you. You an expert at? Like, what can you teach me? Because I love to teach. When my mom and I were talking, when I was, you know, starting my little tiny business, actually before I even started my business that has now evolved into so many other things back in college, it was really birthed from a place of pain. Like, not even pain, like, more like confusion, which is actually really a pain point, if you think about it. But I was very much, like, dissatisfied with the career track I was going to be pursuing and the degree I was about to get and all this stuff. And I was like, I don't know what to do with my life. You know, super stressing out about it. And around that time, she had given me the advice. She's like, what did you do when you were five? And I was like, five, I don't know. And she's like, well, I'll tell you, she's like, you wrote short stories. You would line up all of your stuffed animals and have me and Nana, which was my grandmother, you'd have us come sit in, like, the basement and you would teach us something. And. And they were like, you know. And she said, and you also really loved to, like, you were a nurturer. Like, you were a teacher, a nurturer, and like a writer. And so she's like, not that you have to be a writer again, like, hilarious. Here we are now. But she was basically saying, like, tap into those gifts because you really have a good way of communicating things. People even, like, we were, you know, you were five, and it still came so naturally. And so I think if. I think sometimes, because I'm so passionate about people and community and ultimately, like, I'm always people over profit and people over, like, projects as much as I can be, even though that's somewhat unnatural to an achiever. Like, I also really do most 98% of my brand has been built on community and, like, purpose and like, kind of a lot of the soft stuff, like, the heart stuff, like, people are like, I feel like you're my best friend, which is amazing. Like, I think there's so much power in that. And that's ultimately, I think, the ultimate goal. That's how you really impact people. But I think there's been a lot of, like, imposter syndrome for me because I'm like, I've also had to build a business to be able to do this and, like, spend all the time doing this. And I've also had to learn a lot of these skills and become an expert at a lot of things in order to grow online communities, in order to build email lists, in order to create success sustainable, you know, work and make this work and scale and grow and support me and support this cause and all these things. And so I feel like I finally started to own that a lot this year. But I think if I had to kind of really clearly answer that question, I think it'd be really. I think people want to, like, put you into a box. Like, oh, well, this is one thing you've done before. So, like, you're the shop girl, or, like, you're the this girl or whatever. You're an influencer. I'm like, I don't really fit in that box. Like, I'm really an educator, but I just think I'm not general. I feel like maybe people don't see me that way. They see me more as their buddy. And so I really love when people are like, hey, can you teach me, like, how to build my brand? Or like, hey, can you teach me, like, more about the author journey or these things that I've actually had to become somewhat of an expert at?

It's.

Nothing is more life giving for that, for me than to sit in front of those people and share that expertise and help them move the needle in the things that they're trying to create or do.

Oh, my gosh. I. I literally see you as all of those things because you are like, you have this crazy desire and energy about you that everybody you meet, you literally want to help them. And I felt, I felt that right away and just how passionate you are about really helping people and wanting to help them get to their goals. So I'M so excited for that part of you to come out even more. I think that's becoming really apparent. So I'm super excited for that part of your journey as well. And I just want to say I'm so grateful for you for this time and that I've gotten to meet you and I can't wait to just see what else you have coming because I know how your brain works.

Well, thank you.

A million other things that you're going to be doing, which I'm so excited about. And you have this awesome book. So who needs to read this book?

Oh, man. I feel like the woman who needs to read this book is there's. There's two ways I describe it. One, if you're feeling like you are lacking direction, like you're pulled in too many directions, or like you have direction, but you're struggling to take action in a certain area, you need to read this book. And I think the other woman who needs to read this book is the woman who feels like she's chasing after something more and even trying to clarify what that something more is. I think sometimes that sounds great, but we don't even really know what that next awesome thing we want to do is, but who's also simultaneously trying to find purpose and contentment where she is with what she has has. Because it's a really weird balance. I think we often get one message or the other, like, go for the goal, go for the thing, or like, kind of like what we talked about. Or it's like, just be content and love your life where you are. And it's like, I think getting too content can lead to complacency. But we have to experience contentment and confidence where we are if we're going to get to the next thing. So it's really. If you feel like you're kind of trying to walk that line and bridge that gap, this book is for you.

So I should just be listening to it on repeat for the rest of my life, basically. Awesome. Okay, great. Okay. Well, I'm so grateful for you and thank you so much. And you guys, where can we get this book? Where can we find you? Where can we follow you? Because you're so much fun to follow online.

Thank you. Well, I am on Instagram as Jordan Lee Dooley. The book is called own your everyday, Overcome the pressure to prove and show up for what you were made to do. And that is on Amazon, Target, Barnes and Noble, Walmart, pretty much anywhere you can find a book, it's there. So super easy.

Okay, awesome. Well, thank you so much. And I always add on one last question. I Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Okay, so you have 30 seconds in passing with a total stranger, whether it's on the street or in an elevator, but it's literally just 30 seconds. And they look at you and they ask you, how do I make myself happy? What do you say?

I would say stop chasing happiness and start looking for meaningfulness. Because I think we chase this feeling of happiness. And the reality is, if you want to live a meaningful life that's ultimately a satisfied or content life, that's going to mean you're going to have some seasons that probably aren't so happy. So you're going to be really disappointed if that's all you're chasing. Maybe refocus on meaningfulness.

Oh, so good, you guys. If you love this podcast as much as I did, make sure you share it with a friend. Text it to a friend right now, share it online, share it on stories, and tag us so we know what your biggest takeaways were. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.