440: Your burning questions about RESISTANCE answered

We are not paying for our sins on this earth over and over again, no matter what that is. And I know that's dramatic, but it's not. It's what we're doing to ourselves in our head every day. Like, you don't have to repent. You don't have to be harmful to yourself. Like, you have to love yourself back into a better decision. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go.

Go. Welcome back to another episode of questionably awesome, where everything we say is awesome. Awesome. With a questionable aster above it.

Yeah. Parentheses, or something.

Parenthesis.

Parenthesis.

Is that what you say? Is that how you say it? Parenthesis?

You know, I don't know, maybe. If you were English, would you say that? Kind of like how they say privacy for privacy.

Privacy.

Privacy.

They also say there's another word that is very. I'll think of it. Yeah. Sorry, guys. Moving on. So this is a podcast all about, I would say, probably the best humor in the United States of America.

I would agree.

So, you guys, if you are looking for an interview where we're going to talk serious or go deep, this isn't the one for you.

But this is.

Is the one. If you want witty banter and wisdom.

Yeah. If you want to have some fun.

If you want to have some fun. But if you're not fun, you need to go elsewhere. Yeah. Just saying.

And maybe go have some fun.

Yeah, probably. Because humans need fun. Yep. So can you tell me a little bit about what has been going on this week? Because I haven't really gotten to follow up with you. Per usual. This is how we drop in.

This is how we drop in. Right now I'm feeling a little stressed for our upcoming nuptials.

And how many days away is it?

Oh, gosh, it's less than a month away.

Do you know you'll never not have been married again?

I know.

Less than a month.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah, it's Kind of.

It's exciting, but also there are some things about it where I'm like, whoa, I'm getting married. And I've been doing. I've been on my own for 33, 34 years now.

You're about to be yoked together now.

We're going to be two little teammates.

Yeah.

Which is exciting.

Yeah. Like, you literally join a team. Like, instead of, like, wearing something separate, everybody should just, after they get married, have jerseys and just be like, I'm on a team. Yeah.

I'm on a team now. So I can't play your game.

No. I see your game over there, and I even kind of like your game, but I can't play it.

Nope, can't play. It's just weird. What about you?

Well, I've been married for a long time now, so every week is blissful.

Total bliss.

No, for real. It really is. I don't know. I'm so excited for you.

Yeah.

What's stressful? I need to know. Let's break this down. What's stressful right now in your life? Because I just feel like we could have a little therapy around it and just make things better.

Well, you know what? I will say we. I think it's important that you talk about your finances, obviously. And we've. We've talked about them a lot. And that can be a big thing on. How are we going to do this? And how are we going to divide things up? Are we going to divide things up? Is it going to be one big chunk? And it's been a really good conversation for us to have.

Oh, my God, it is so important. Like, that's literally almost like not asking if you think that you want kids in the future. Right. It's like, oh, how are we going to be spending our money together? It's so interesting. It's so interesting and important to have that early on. Yeah.

So early on. It's not like we're just talking about this for the first time, but it's.

Okay if you are. You.

We still have some. Some T's to cross, if you will.

Well, you've got the rest of your life. Yeah.

And it's. Sometimes you have to take a step back and be like, good God, it is all going to work out.

It is. And you don't need to. As long as you get. Is. Here's what I always think in our marriage. Like, as long as we're both willing in the conversation is a to continued at all times.

Yes.

Then you're okay. Like, you're gonna be okay. Like, you don't have to have it all figured out in one hour or on a walk. Like, let things come together and be like, we're partners now, so neither of us are going anywhere. So that's what I always think about when Chris and I are arguing. I'm like, so, what's the plan? Am I leaving tonight or moving out? Because if not, I might as well solve this right now because it's making my life in my house miserable.

Am I moving out tonight?

Because that's my only other option. Am I solving this or am I moving out tonight? Yeah. So figure it out. Decide what you're committed to, and if you're not committed to moving out, then get your shit straight.

Like, you can figure you can come to a solution.

Go say sorry, even if you don't mean it, and be like, but, okay, that's not good advice.

Even if you don't ever mean you're sorry, just say it.

Just sweep your personality under the rug. Don't ever let her come out.

And just say sorry all the time, which I already do. We do that so much.

Yeah. Why do we do that?

I don't know.

We gotta just. Okay. But instead of sorry, I've been trying to catch myself and just say, like, oh, excuse me. Yep.

Excuse me is a good one.

Yeah. Not really great during fights.

Yeah.

Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

So, okay, so you're gonna be in a beautiful white dress in less than a month. Yeah. And what are you most excited about, though? Like, what are you picturing when you're really excited? When you think of your wedding?

Joy.

Like what, at your reception?

Dancing.

Just dancing.

Dancing. That's so exciting. Yeah. Just dancing and everyone being the other. And my. My mom. I'm just really excited.

I can't wait. Is your mom going to wear something with her shoulders cut out?

I think she's going to wear.

She's so old school.

She's like, I'm just going to wear a nice suit. Like, mom, you're not running for office. You can wear something.

Just cut the shoulders out of the suit.

I.

So does she ever show her shoulders?

Not unless. No. Not unless she's like, it's the summertime.

Oh, but she will show them in the summer.

She will show them.

Okay, well, that's great because I want to see those things. I know. She's such a cute figure.

She needs to show it off.

I just. If she's listening to this, I just hope that she shows her shoulders and shakes it on the dance floor. Me, too. Because People want to see it.

Yeah, people always want to see the mother of the bride's shoulders.

It's the truth.

Yeah.

So do you have a quote, Evans?

Yeah, I do. It's by Oprah Winfrey.

Who's that?

She says your journey begins with a choice to get up and step out and live fully.

Say it again. Say it again for the people in the back.

Your journey begins with a choice to get up, step out and live fully.

Isn't that just the truth? Every single day. Because it's so funny though how we. So the alarm goes off in the morning. Like that's a beautiful quote. You read it the night before at 10pm before you go to bed, you're like, yes, I'm going to step up, I'm going to live fully. And then the alarm goes off and you're like, I'm just going to try to get my coffee. Yeah, I just, I'm just going to make it downstairs and try to not make the choice to put it in double pumpkin spice creamer.

Yes.

Like that's the hardest choice.

That is the hard choice.

Maybe I should just not buy this creamer and have it in here or guess what's going down. Pumpkin spice.

All the creamer, full of it.

Like you're just going to have a latte. Face it.

Yeah, a cream latte, splash of coffee.

Coffee.

All those pumpkin products really get you this time of year.

You know, especially I feel like here it's the only way we can feel we have fall.

Yeah.

Chris came home the other day and he was like. I was like, look, I made fall and I lit a bunch of candles and the fireplace was on and it was super hot out and he's like, well, kinda. It's been like 90 degrees here in Inferno here right now.

Yeah.

But light a pumpkin spice candle and you're doing it. Just feel fall like. So back to that quote though. Like we can have all the intention in the world of like having this great life, but if you don't have something solid in your schedule to make your higher self come out or make your better self come out or have an appointment that is non negotiable, it's not gonna happen. And I feel like so many people who are wanting to do extra things or wanting to just become their better self don't realize that if we don't schedule that, actually schedule it into our schedule and have a commitment to a time that we start and end and don't schedule too much because it's the beginning that it just falls to the wayside. Like, all the intention in the world is not going to work if you don't have it. An actual time schedule.

So true. And it's such an easy thing to pop in there, but I'm so bad about being like, I'll get it done.

So what are we gonna. What do you wanna get done that's not on your calendar? There's just one small thing. One thing.

Oh, there's this stupid closet in our apartment that really needs to be organized.

So pick a day, right?

Just. It will. It will seriously take me 20 minutes.

So maybe not before the nuptials. Because why even add anything, right? Like, just enjoy your life right now. Yeah.

Like, you know, those little things stress you out. You're like, man, I really got to clean out that messy closet you have.

No, I. Like, you do have an idea because you're talking about it. But for sure, for me, the closet. So, okay, so when I was in this training, like years ago, that Jack Canfield training, where he literally taught us how to speak and teach and facilitate, he also taught a lot about life and rituals. And one of them was, if it's something that bothers you every day and drains your energy, you need to put it on a list and you need to make sure you go down that list and you knock it out. Because we have such a finite amount of energy every day that if some of your energy is going into your closet or things that bother you or a picture that's crooked or a mark on the wall, you have to fix it because you're leaking energy all over the place and you don't realize it. So true. Fix that leaky ass energy, Evans. Get your shit together. That closet together, that was for me.

Seriously. We all have those dang little things like I'll have tomorrow.

I know. And I'm literally like, okay, this is the time and date I'm going to fix this.

Yes.

So let's do that.

Let's do it.

Put my. Ask you next week.

No. That closet is going to be crystal clear.

Crystal clear.

What does that even mean? It's sparkly.

Just put cellophane everywhere on it and be like, I can see my clothes through this. I can see the mess right through this.

Yeah.

All right.

What's your quote? Did you read your quote?

Not yet. I'm going to. Okay, this quote is from Vienna Ferrone, who apparently is a marriage counselor or family counselor. Ah, people. She says people's opinions and invite and. And advice are rooted in their biases and programming. Consider their level of self awareness and the life they live before accepting it as your own truth or your way. I just thought, yes, you know, everybody has a completely different experience. Even to your best friend who is giving you advice, and she thinks it's the best advice for you. Yep, it could be because she's had completely different advice. And, you know, I had somebody reach out to me on Instagram, won't obviously say names, but I actually did not know this person before this. But they were talking about how they were in. They had some infidelity in their marriage and asking advice like, it just. I want. I'm going to. Like, I'm going back. Like, I'm forgiving this person. Do you have any advice around this?

Yeah.

And I just always think, like, well, that has never happened to me. So I can't actually give advice because I don't know what's going unless I can actually say something like that has either happened. And every situation is so specific to the couple that it's like, that's not even up to me. Like, I. You have to decide what is right for both of you and not worry about any. Anyone's judgment, no matter what. And I just thought, you know, that's more of a tricky situation. But at the same time, every situation is like this. You have to decide what is right for you and what is not and then make peace with that decision and move forward with that. Like, if you decide to take this person back, you can't ever look back because you have made the decision to accept and move forward so that person can have a clean slate and your marriage or your life or your partnership can have a clean slate. It's the same thing. If you partner with someone in business and they make a huge mistake or maybe they're not as honest as they should have been, decide to either forgive or separate, make peace with that decision and move on. Because it does not matter what the outside world thinks. So I just think that that is so important to look at whose opinion matters to me, whose does not matter? And do I even want opinions or do I want to move forward with my own gut and my own intuition and know what are circumstances, right? And then stop looking around and being like, but was that right? Oh, that's the worst. That's the key. I do that all the time. Well, stop it. I know I have to stop it. Do you like how when I say that, I'm literally saying to myself, because I feel like I'm sitting with myself, I'm like, lori, Lori, stop it.

Stop.

Because that's not helping anyone. Like, it's awful. Yeah, you have to cut that off and just be like, you know what? We're all doing the best that we can, and this is right for me right now, and it's the decision that's going to make me the most peace. Yes.

And as humans, maybe we could try to do better and stop being like, well, she should have really done this.

Oh, my God, can we stop judging other people? That actually also puts us in a box saying, hey, if I don't make the right decision, people are going to judge me. When we judge other people, it's a huge signal to the universe that says, judge me, everyone.

Yes.

Judge me.

Judge me.

I'm going down to the Third Street Promenade with a sign that says, judge me. Judge me.

It's so ridiculous.

Yeah, we gotta stop.

None of your dang business.

No, let people live. Live and let be.

Let them live.

Okay, question.

Questions.

Oh, wait. Review.

Oh, yeah. I love this review. Okay, this is from Alicia.

Holy crap.

I've never felt closer to y'.

All.

I love the show. Been listening for over a year and finally getting around to leaving a review. Just listen to a questionably awesome about leveling up where you talked about going home, specifically how you feel like you have to rush to get home and sit with family, and then they talk about their new shelf. I thought it was just me. And it's cool to hear that you all experience that also. Why is that even a thing? Anyway, love your podcast and random tangents. Makes me feel like I'm just listening to people I want to be friends with. With. Btw, can we be friends? Alicia.

Yes, Alicia, Hi. We're talking to you right now. What's up? How's that new shelf? Yeah, how is your new. Just installed. Your mom just installed.

That is the best.

I just have guilt tripped so many times over, like, wow, I rushed home for this to sit and stare into your pupils. But hey, you know what? Bonding time. That's all I can say. Bonding time. Thank you for that awesome review. Like, it is so incredibly nice to know that we are sitting at. I feel like we're sitting at a big table with a bunch of other awesome humans.

Yes, me too.

And I really like Alicia. Although I'd be sweating hard if we were supposed to be entertaining, like, a table full of people right now. I'd be like, we're not that funny.

No.

But a little part of me internally would be like, yeah, you are.

Yeah, you can do it.

You can do this. Eat your Spaghettios. And be funny. Oh, my God, you're hilarious.

You got this. We need that voice.

Oh, my God, that's amazing. So when you're getting ready for your wedding, be like, you're gonna be the best bride.

Yeah.

You're doing a great job. You're having a party for somebody.

It sounds like that. It. What's that?

Asmr. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I like that. I don't know. Maybe we're gonna turn this podcast into that. Oh. What do you think? Do you have a question for us? What is it about what?

About resistance. Okay. Acadia champagne.

Acadia champagne. My mom was not in that state. My mom wasn't drunk when she named me. I wish she was.

Me, too.

Good Lord. Come on, Cindy. Get it together.

Yeah.

Have a cocktail before you name a baby.

Seriously. You know my mom. Actually, I won't say that. How do you stop. This is the champagne story.

This is the podcast for the champagne story.

By the way, sometimes you drink a lot of champagne and you have a lot of fun.

Well, is that how you came to the table? Is that you were born. Could have been. That is a good story, Evans. You were born on some fun.

No, I think she. She might have had. She told me she had some champagne, and she also had me in her belly.

Oh.

It was like, whoopsies.

I think that happens a lot. Yeah. And I think that happens in Europe a lot as well. Yeah. So it's actually such a. It's so. It's so interesting because it just differs from everywhere. So, you know what? Decide what's right for you.

Yeah.

Bless and release.

And I'm not gonna judge my mom for that. She was the time. It was the 80s.

Yeah. Yeah. So moving.

Anyway, Acadia champagne. How do you stop self sabotaging once you recognize the problem?

How do you stop self sabotaging once you recognize the problem? Oh, that is a choice to have grace and forgiveness.

Yeah.

And that's it. Like, there's not there. There's this state when you realize that you are. So if you really want to know how, like, I believe that I am a child of God or universe or whatever you believe. And I think that everything we do is immediately forgiven, because I don't believe that love is conditional. So when you're sabotaging, what can happen a lot is the cycle of sabotage can continue because you think that you are paying for something through your sabotage. You think that your pain has a purpose and that it's going to be like a hot stove and be like, if I cause myself a Lot of pain. I won't touch it again. I won't do this again. And that's actually not the case. So what we have to do is try a new way if that's no longer working. And you know what? That theory works for a while for people. So we get addicted. Like, when I was competing and doing fitness competitions, and I was like, food is bad. Oh, my gosh. That's gonna keep me from winning, and blah, blah, blah. And I. I adopted this mindset. Yeah. That worked for me for a while. That was super negative. And then it stopped working. And the more that I sabotaged, the more. Or the more that I had that. That coach's voice in my head, that was super brutal. The more I sabotaged. And it wasn't until I let go of that and created a really loving voice, probably like, the whisper voice, that's like, hey, hey. It's okay that you did that.

Yeah.

You're Every person doing things like this to themselves.

Yeah.

Just pick up your, you know, lift up your bootstraps and go for a walk. God loves you. That's really nice. And I literally am like, okay. It's okay. We're all doing this. Like, have some grace. Forgive yourself, and do something healthy for you. And, you know, I've been talking a lot about this, because I think adulting is simply reparenting yourself every single moment. So having a loving voice of a loving parent, like, give yourself exactly what you need in that moment, not what you feel like is gonna inflict pain, make you pay, repent, whatever that is. Like, I. I just had these moments of, like, wow, we are not, like, paying for our sins on this earth over and over again, no matter what that is. And I know that's dramatic, but it's not. It's what we're doing to ourselves in our head every day. Like, you don't have to repent. You don't have to be harmful to yourself. Like, you have to love yourself back into a better decision. Ooh.

Love yourself back into a better decision.

That's y'.

All.

That's gold. Golden.

That's some champagne.

Gold if I've ever heard some champagne. Arcadia. Yeah.

I love that.

I. I love that name.

Me too.

Wait, did I get the right name?

Acadia. Acadia Champagne.

Good Lord.

Just so. Acadia Champagne.

Acadia Champagne. I'm Lori Harder.

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You want a new one?

Yeah. Do you have any weigh ins on that?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Don't say sorry. Oh, yeah.

Excuse me. Excuse me. How do you stop self sabotaging? Once you're recognizing a problem, it sounds like you're already on your way to. You're like, hey, I recognize that I self sabotage. So that's the first step. You recognize you're doing it.

She bought the ticket to forgiveness. She bought the ticket it.

So now how do you put that into action? You're probably at first like, anything gonna have to consciously be like, what can I. Hey, I'm self sabotaging. Say something nice instead. Say something supportive instead.

How do we realize we're self sabotaging? So what's something in your life, Evans, when you are like, oh, I'm doing that thing again that doesn't work? Like, how do you. Is it because you. You take a moment and you're like, I want to be more aware of this. Or when this happens, I'm gonna blank.

Or, oh, yeah, everyone self sabotages. What do I do? Just getting negative about, like a mistake at work or in relationships, I can get like, oh, well, blah, blah, blah. Just kind of female relationships or your.

Personal, personal relationship with your man.

Yes, with my man. And I definitely have recognized those moments. And it's just for me, it's a pause. That pause and reframe really works.

The pause is the most powerful thing that you can possibly do. It takes you from reacting to responding.

Ooh. Yeah.

I mean, like, I used to be the craziest reactor in my relationship, and I would just be like, oh, that hurt. What words and things can I say that I'm gonna amplify and make you seem like a terrible person. And I'm just gonna hurt you with these words. Like, I'm gonna cut you with that.

Yeah.

It's literally the thoughts that I would think. And you feel terrible after awful, and you know what you're doing, but you're literally addicted.

Yes. And it's awful.

Oh, my God. Well, it wasn't until I had somebody who wouldn't chase me afterward or wouldn't, like, react to it that I was like, this is not working. And not everybody has a person who's not gonna do that, you know, in my life, that was just the lesson that I needed. And I realized that the. So I. I just turned it on and did it more. And then he gave me an ultimatum. Like, we. If we argue like this, I'm not coming back. Like, this is not gonna work.

Yeah, it's not.

Wait, wait, I'm. But I'm addicted to this.

Yeah.

So it was a huge cycle of having to learn how to like, control myself. Yeah.

And oh my God.

Growing up. Holy crap. Like, controlling your emotions is the key to business, to relationships, to friendships, to. And I just want to throw in business again because so many people write an email that they should not be writing. So many people put things out on social media that they should not be writing. Like, think on it, sleep on it. Pray for the love. If you believe in prayer, pray on it. And pray for calmness and peace and to make a decision from a place of love and not this place of a chemical reaction in your body. You're literally on drugs when you're upset, you're on some crappy ass body drugs. So I'm always like, I don't want to be this person, cuz I'm hulking out right now. Don't make a decision from Hulkster face.

Sleep on it.

Yeah, sleep on it. Let the Hulk come down. Down.

It's true. And I think it's because we're used to making decisions so quickly now and everything happens so fast. You're like, oh, I gotta decide on this now. Yeah, you actually don't have to.

No, you can think.

Yeah.

There's so much more space than we even realize. I thought of that with surfing. Like, we went surfing last Friday for a team bonding day, and I was like, oh my God, there's so much more time to get up on this wave than I'm letting myself think. Like, there is hours it feels like, to get up on the wave. But what we do is we think if we don't catch it right away and then you fall over because you pop up too soon. Like it was too early. So there's actually time to like, kind of get on one knee, pull your leg up, get your balance, stay really low before you even come up. I was like, whoa, I have all of the time in the world to catch this wave, but I'm rushing everything. So I just, you know, do that.

Yeah.

Do you have another question?

Yeah, so many questions. Okay, this one is from @meg underscore. Cole underscore. How do you push through towards goals when the resistance is so strong?

You realize that resistance is the strongest when it comes to something that is your life purpose. It's what Steven Pressfield always talks about.

Oh, oh, yeah, that book.

Yeah. War of Art.

So what it's called?

War of Art? Yes, because there's Another one called the Art of War. You may not enjoy it as much unless you like learning about war.

Yeah, War of Art.

So you just realize that you're getting really close to your purpose and that you are going to have to become a different person to live out your purpose in this dream. So you're evolving. You're, like, about to face the gauntlet and the obstacle course. And you know what? It's super fun. Like, people love American Ninja Warrior. Don't knock it. Literally know that your obstacle course is coming and it's training time. You're not going to get through it without training. You're like, oh, I'm going to win this. And you're like, you haven't ever trained, so it's time to train. Put on your onesie and get your team together. Who's going to cheer you on? Because there's going to be a lot of people who are like, I'm not going to cheer you on. An American Ninja Warrior. That's stupid. And you're going to be like, well, I'm going to find people who. Yeah. And who do like this. And I am going to train and I'm going to find a coach who's going to help me with it. Even if it's weird. Like, you can find a coach. You can totally find a coach. They set up obstacle courses on the beach out here just to train. So, yeah, it exists.

Anything you want to do, anything you.

Want to happen, make it happen.

I'm taking. I'm listening to this advice for myself.

Always make it happen.

Make it happen.

Face the gauntlet, put on the onesie and have some damn fun about it.

Yeah, seriously. And do even want to just spend your life not being in resist? Like, sure, it's great when things are all easy and stuff, but it's the times when you gotta go through that mud that you're like, man, I'm learning a lot right now.

Easy for too longer equals sleazy for a long time.

Yeah. Boom, boom.

Put that in a quotile.

See that?

It gets two likes and take it down. Yeah, it sucks.

Has that happened?

I mean, I don't know.

I never take my social media down.

I've probably taken some down around, like, you know what? That's just bad. I was really trying. So I do it too.

Like, a picture doesn't get like, she's like, oh, God, that wasn't good. I need to take it down. Who cares?

Who cares? Leave it up. I do have a lot of stuff up right now that I'm like, that is the lowest number I've seen because social's acting kind of crazy and also making you realize that if you don't put out good content, you don't just get likes anymore. Yeah. So it's not even being crazy. It's just being authentic and real. Like, oh, that wasn't that great a content. It did not get that many likes. So I'm kind of not mad at it right now that things are pretty low because it really does show me is that good or not? Like, you have to just be better. Be better.

Don't you Better?

Things aren't getting Likes are being seen. No, just be better. Let's be better together. I gotta go. I gotta soul cycle. I gotta go too. You gotta go to work. So, you guys, I am, like, so incredibly grateful that you always tune in that you give us such fun, awesome reviews that we get to sit at the table with you. And hopefully that by us being us, it just reminds you that you can just drink champagne in the morning if it makes you feel good.

Yeah. And you got this.

I don't. We're not drinking champagne right now. But we could be. You know what? You will in the morning on your nuptials. Probably. I absolutely will.

I really will. I already planned on it.

Exactly. Yeah. Like have. I don't know, a mouth of. Of. Of champagne.

I'm gonna be in the bathtub of champagne happily.

Go ahead, get a cute photo shoot. If you do that, I will for sure. Okay. Okay, guys, until next time, be questionably awesome at all times, because that's just the formula for greatness. Yes. Bye.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you speak stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands, thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.