446: Your burning questions about PIVOTS answered

When you feel that fire and you're like, this is so horrible and uncomfortable. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even feel like I'm learning. Just go. Stay there. Yeah, just don't leave.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Hello, Evans. Hello, Laurie. Welcome back to one of your own shows. You have multiple shows, but welcome back to she doesn't. I don't.

I wish I did.

Welcome back to another episode of questionably awesome, everyone, where we answer your questions. And it's awesome.

It is so awesome.

So I have a little head cold today. If you're sensing that I have a extra sexy voice. It's not that I'm forcing it. It is that New York and an airplane decided to change it.

Yeah, but it's gonna get better soon.

Oh, no, it's great. You know, dayquil really has me riding high right now, so we're just fine.

DayQuil makes me feel so weird.

It is so weird, but it's the decision between, like, I can't go on and, like, oh, how about I can go on? But I just feel real weird. Yeah, I agree.

You just have to do what you got to do to get through.

And today I have that. So I decided today was the day that I do marathon appointments. So I have a dentist appointment. This is your doctor's appointment and a skin checkup appointment. Okay. Marathon.

Good job for getting all your appointments done.

Thank you.

I'm really proud of you.

Back to back. Who does that to themselves?

I think that's a great way to.

Just drill my face, check my junk, check my moles. It's gonna be a big one.

You're gonna sleep so well tonight with all that over.

I am. I am. So. You know what? Next time I see you, you're gonna be. You gonna be a married lady.

I'm gonna have a husband.

Husband coming. I feel like you're Blanche. Deborah.

Bless him.

Blanche. Devereaux. I want you to come back with just her haircut, her hairstyle, and, like, her just sexy swagger and be like, I have a husband.

Husband.

Mint julep. Apparently, I think that Southern people only have super heavy accents and drink mint juleps. That's all they do. Hey, will there be a lot of whiskey at your wedding? That's a very Southern thing, right?

Yes.

Yeah, it's like Southern comfort.

I don't know what. You know. I don't even know that much about whiskey, to be honest.

Are you going to have a signature drink?

Oh, we are going to have a sparkling rose, because that's the first drink I handed Adam. That's so sweet. You did that.

So awesome. Okay, so speeches.

Speeches. Are they gonna make a speech?

I'm. I'm actually gonna get Skyped in. Not even zoom.

That would be so cool.

It'll be Evans. You'll be like, skype's not working, per usual. Yeah. So just wait for that. If someone comes, like, with a mannequin and a computer on its head, like, they roll a mannequin in with a computer as a head, you're like, oh, here comes Lori.

Yeah. Aren't weird.

They're really weird. They're so awesome. It's, like, true tradition. Like, it's one of the. I mean, it's so weird because Americans really don't have that many traditions outside of, like, a couple holidays. But when you. When I. You know, when you go travel the world, you start to learn, like, whoa. The. All of these other countries are really steeped deeply in some serious tradition. And it's just, like, we don't have that.

There's so many things you can choose from. You can just pick and choose from other traditions.

I know. That's. The whole thing is, like, what tradition do you and Adam want to start doing in your life?

We want to start doing more fun things.

Like what?

Like, I'm trying to think of what traditions. Well, we're not doing all the traditional wedding things. We're not cutting a cake.

You're not?

We're not.

Oh, I like that.

It's just, I. I want. There's gonna be a wedding cake, but I just want it to be done.

Yeah.

And I don't want to see people. I don't want people to see me cutting it for some reason.

Yeah. And shoving it into your mouth and all that stuff.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And I was like, mom, is that weird? And she's like, it's your wedding. You don't want to cut a cake. Don't cut a cake.

Yeah, Whatever you want to do. Is there anything else that you're doing that's not normal at your wedding or that's not expected?

Are you doing the garter dance for the ceremony? We are. I'm not gonna do the garter dance.

I didn't think you would.

Yeah, I'm not.

Think I did.

But respect to anyone who does, like, that's the thing. Everybody. To each their own.

Oh, yeah. I mean, if you want to wear 65 garters up there, then go for it. That might be your thing. Like, have every guy in the house go up and grab one.

Yeah.

I mean, why be stingy?

Why just give. Give everybody a little show.

Yeah. Just do whatever you need to do to feel noticed on your day.

They should be so lucky to get that garter, you know?

Exactly. Be like, okay, who wants to get married next? Take a gotta. Any. Got it. Everybody gets a. You get a guy. You gotta, gotta. All right. Do you have a quote? Yeah.

It's from Dolly Parton again.

Oh, Dolly.

She's great.

You just love Dolly. I love her. I love that she.

I don't know if I've used this one before, but if you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.

But it's hard to pave another one is what I'm hearing from everyone. So really freaking hard. Well, you're in a. You're in the land of paving a lot of new roads right now.

Yeah.

What does it feel like to wake up every day and be like, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new. Yeah.

Scary and fun.

Yeah. Because what would you do if it was old, old, old?

Feel sad.

Yeah. It really is, because I am just in this phase where I'm like, okay, you. You're either gonna do the hard stuff that is, like, new and exciting and something that you are really drawn towards, or you're gonna be. So if you. When you. Whenever you choose to go back to comfort and go like, oh, this is too hard for me, I don't really like being uncertain. Oh, this is too unclear. I don't think I'm good enough for if I know enough, your only other option is actually quite terrible.

Yeah, it's the worst.

It's literally the only thing that keeps me going because I woke up this morning and, like. Because, you know when you don't feel good, like, everything just seems hard and daunting, and you're like, why am I doing this? And you doubt yourself. So I woke up just, like, really doubting myself this morning in the worst of ways.

Yeah.

And then the only way that I started to feel normal about what I'm choosing to do was like, I can't just go back to the other thing. I will be so bored and so miserable, and I will feel like, what in the world am I gonna do with the second half of my life? Like, I just. I can't. I need to learn something, and I need to be challenged. It's just humans need to be challenged. And even though it's hard and it's horrible and it feels that way sometimes, it's also the best thing that could ever happen because it's what keeps you going. And, like, solving problems are actually why we're here on the planet. So if you're not solving problems, you're probably creating problems. You're the problem. Wow, this is interesting. If you're not solving problems, you're creating problems, and you are the problem. So you had that right on, like, you are.

You're the problem.

If you're not solving problems, you're the problem.

Yeah.

Oh, you become the problem.

No, that's not good.

But it's the truth. Yeah, you create problems for yourself. So I've got something here from a little old man named John Lennon.

Love me some John Lennon, Beatles.

Sure do. Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. So it's. It's the whole idea, and we know this quote, but it's the whole idea of, like, I found myself waiting for when the good stuff happens within what I'm building, and it's already happening. Like, if I'm waiting for the good stuff to happen, I'll be waiting forever. Talk about this all the time, but if you guys. Life is so simple. It's lived every single day, and that's it. Like, it's embracing the problems. It's embracing everything that comes with it, and it's knowing that the challenges are actually what keep you from feeling like a big fat turd on a log.

Yeah, you gotta have them.

Gotta have the challenges. You gotta. You have to. Speaking of challenges, let's go to some people who have some challenges. But first, let's talk to somebody who has given us something amazing, like a review.

Oh, yeah, a review. This is from Danny. Oh, bathrobes Anonymous. Thank you for giving. For giving permission to all of us to spend more time working from home in our fluffy pink bathrobes. When we expect for this fashion trend to be accept. When can we expect for this fashion trend to be acceptable out of the House. I love all of the episodes, but I truly enjoy the mindless banter and wisdom of your q and A days. Love hearing from Lindsay as well. I hope y' all are having an amazing day and putting the details for event love together.

Love y'. All.

Danny.

Oh, Danny.

Danny.

Sitting in a white, fluffy bathrobe right now.

I'm in a pretend one.

You know, I feel like she really is. I feel like I'm gonna wrap her in a bathrobe whenever she comes in. Yeah, I do feel like the pajama trend came in last year for a while. Do you remember, like, it was, like, sexy pajama suit almost.

Yes.

I was this close. Like, an inch. I'm holding an inch in my fingers right now. I was an inch close to buying one. Yeah. Last year. And it was super sexy, but I was like, wait, this is not like. And when I say sexy, it was. It was like a huge pajama pants shirt. Yeah, it was like a silk shirt with silk bottoms, but it was, like, dark green. It felt very Christmassy.

Oh, that's nice.

Yes. So nice. And I was like, I don't know if this is totally me. So anyway. But, you know, I think it could come in bulky bathrobes if. If you want to just wear, like, a pink, short bathrobe over some.

Yes.

Slick, wet leggings. I think it's totally in. Anyway, thanks for that review. Send in a slacks. Send in your slacks. So if. Sorry, if you're. If you have an ex and they're wearing slacks, Are they ex slacks?

Yes, they are ex slacks.

You're like, stay away from him. He's ex slacks.

He's xlax. I've never taken xlax because I'm too scared.

I feel like I went in my 1819, like, when I was really in, like, the diet trend type thing. Oh. I tried to take everything. And you know what? I wasn't even cut out for that. Which I was just like, no.

God bless.

If this is supposed to keep you skinny, I just. I have a job, so can't be.

Going in the bathroom all the time.

Literally, I'm like, I have a job, so this isn't working. Back to that Weight Watchers plan. Okay, you guys, it was. It was the 90s.

Yeah.

People did.

People were doing all kinds of crazy.

It was real dumb. Yeah, it's all good.

It's all good. You don't do that now.

No, I don't use X slacks.

X slacks. But if you need it, you go get.

Hey, if you need it, obviously, Please do not use it for that. Thanks.

Use it for.

Use it for being regular now.

Speaking of being regular, at Taypeltier asks.

This is about pivoting. This is so funny. This woman just wrote me and she's like, she did. She has trouble pronouncing my last name. She can just call me Tay. Oh, really?

Okay.

Like, oh, and she chose your question. That's amazing.

That is weird. How do you handle multiple pivots at a time in different areas of your life?

Help.

Multiple pivots at a time in different areas of your life?

Kind of like it sounds like everything's happening all at once.

Well, there are those moments in life in there quite often where everything feels chaotic and uncertain. And I think those are the times that you have to like, really buckle down on prayer and having a couple rituals that keep you grounded. So your morning routine is going to be really, really vital. Whether that's meditation, whether that's praying, whether that's working out. I think it should be all of the above visualization so that you can be like, this is my grounding time. And know that you are. You're gonna go out in the world and you're not gonna feel grounded like you're going out and you are just experiencing. Because when things are new, when you're pivoting, things are new, so nothing feels familiar. You're gonna be extra tired because you are not in your familiar, like habits or routine. And that takes extra willpower. So you're probably gonna feel more run down, you're gonna feel more uncertain. This is normal. But if you know that that's coming, that's probably the most powerful thing that you can understand is like, I'm gonna be tired. I'm gonna. This is gonna feel crazy. I'm gonna feel stressed, I'm gonna feel uncertain. But you just have to keep doing it every single day until certain things start to feel more certain. So uncertainty is just newness. And I think having those really grounding things and taking extra good care of yourself with nutrition and your mindset and who you're around and really observing all of your thoughts during that too. And just like, it's okay, it's okay. Have grace. It's okay. And the reparenting thing that we talk about all the time, like, be so graceful with yourself because it's just, that's when all of the negative self talk can come up. But if you can just reparent yourself and be like, hey, this is okay. This is all new.

This is all good.

This is how it feels this is normal. This is natural. And remember, like, when you first ride a bike feels terrible. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it clicks. That's how it works. Like, one day you wake up and you're like, something just clicked. Wow. Crazy. So what do you think?

I completely agree with that. Grounding practices and what's helped me when I feel like a bazillion different things are going on lists and setting out a weekly because I got really overwhelmed with things lately. And it's like, I'm going to do 20,000 things on Monday. Don't do that.

Don't. No. You can't get it all done. No.

And then you get mad at yourself for not doing it, and you put all these high expectations on yourself. So just have those little. Maybe if you took each of the pivots in your life and broke them down and say, how do I need to get there?

Yes. Just a little list.

I don't know.

Write down, I think a list for sure. No, that's so important. I think a list for sure. And I learned that, too, Evans. Like, with my list, I'd have 25 things on there. For real. I really would. And it would all be under to do. And now I have today. So my list says literally today. And I tried it. I try to never have more than four things on there. Like, so smart to get done. And then I have a later. And so I just put things on there that I'm like. And I try not to get tempted with being like, no, I could do that today, too.

Yeah.

And then I finish the list of the four, and if I have time for more, I go to the later column and see if there's anything else I can take off there.

Oh, I like the later column.

Yeah. It just makes you feel way more accomplished. Like, okay, just put three or four on your today. And if you can get to more, that's like bonus round. Otherwise, like, you get so overwhelmed. But multiple pivots. Yeah, they're tough, but they're also the best. Because if you can just. I talked about this on my quickie. Like, if you can just kind of throw yourself in the fire. Like, that's really where it's. It's so uncomfortable, but it's where you're going to expand. Like, I was talking about how glass. Like, if glass wants to be bigger, like, if it wants to hold more water, it has to be put back into the fire to expand. It's the only way it's going to be able to contain something bigger. Oh, I love that. And I was like, oh, my God, you have to go sit in the fire for a little while in order to contain more. Because we always are like, oh, I want more, I want more, I want more, I want more. But then the fire comes to try to expand you, and we're like, no, I want to stay this little baby glass bottle. And you can't hold everything because you haven't sat in the fire in order to become who you need to become. So it's like, you gotta go sit in it. So when you feel that fire and you're like, this is so horrible and uncomfortable. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even feel like I'm learning. Just go. Stay there. Yeah, just don't leave. Just don't leave. That's the only difference. Just don't leave. Keep putting things in your schedule and figuring it out. Like, what can you handle? What needs to go. What needs to. And you'll learn quickly because you'll be like, okay, I did that. Okay, this is not working. Okay, I need to schedule this or it's never happening. The number one thing is schedule things in. Yes. Schedule your grounding time in. Schedule when you're going to finish your to do list your four things or whatever that looks like schedule. You have to schedule way ahead. So. All right, what's our next question?

Amen. This is. Okay, how do you piv. This is from ivitaljourney.

Oh, wow.

Which works great.

All right.

How do you pivot away from something that doesn't give you joy when that thing is in need of you and your heart won't let you hurt those that care for you?

Okay, so this one's a little bit tough to answer because I don't have the full details. Can you read that one more time for me?

So how do you pivot away from something that doesn't give you joy when that thing is in need of you and your heart won't let you hurt those that care for you?

So I'm feeling a little bit like, thing is a person.

Yeah.

Asking for a friend.

Yeah.

That thing is in need of you. So that sounds like a person. Yeah. Or a purple people eater. I'm not sure. Probably a purple people leader. Purple people eater. So how do you pivot away from someone? That's really what it feels like when that someone is in need of you, but your heart won't let you hurt them. Okay, well, it sounds like you may be starting, unfortunately, into the resentful phase of helping this person. And that's not good for either party.

Nope.

So I think that what you need to really ask yourself is, are you okay with resenting them and potentially saying no to your life? Oh, and that's it. So are you okay with saying no to your life and resenting them? And is that actually healthy? And is there something that you are. Are you actually selfishly saying yes because you don't want this person to not like you, even though you are gonna not like them? Yeah. And you don't wanna do the hard thing. Isn't that the truth, though?

It's the truth and it's the worst.

Yeah. And here's the thing. Yes, they may need you, but they may need you because you haven't given them the option or, or opportunity to find someone else to do something for them or for them to figure it out on their own. So, you know, I really, really think that there's this thing, and I know it because it's just been true for my life. You can't rob people. Now. I don't know the situation, so this is really tough to answer. You can't rob people of their rock bottoms and you can't rob people of having to figure things out on their own. So when we try to do things for people and we try to fix things for people, it's actually a disservice if we've never allowed them to struggle. Like, it's so crazy. I'm just going to think about this baby turtle experience that I've had. It's really a turtle. It's not what you're thinking.

Okay, yeah, tell us about this baby turtle, quote unquote.

So we go to Costa Rica and been there probably like four times. So I've seen the huge sea turtles give birth and, or bury their eggs. And then the next year we came back and we just happened to be there during the miraculous time of the babies hatching. And it is like, I think it's like hundreds of thousands to millions. I think it might be millions of baby sea turtles on this beach. And you can't, you cannot touch them. So here's the thing. From the sand to the water, you are not, you are literally not allowed to touch them. So if they are flipped on their back, if they are, you know, looking like they're totally struggling, whatever the case is, you have to leave them. Because if they don't go through the struggle on the sand, they will never make it in the water. Cause they're actually getting stronger while they're going on the sand through that Struggle. So as much as you and you just watch them, it's taking like, oh my God, it'll take some of them days to get to the water. And here's the thing is people wanna put em in the water cause otherwise the birds can get to them. But the thing is, is if they don't struggle on the, they don't survive in the water. So as much as you want to help somebody, like they're not going to survive if they don't go through that struggle. They're not going to get strong enough for the next level of their life.

Yeah.

So you're actually, you could potentially be holding them back. And you also are holding yourself back because it's an excuse to not have to go and do the thing or have the conversation or say, hey, this is not working. Like, this is not working out for me. Like, how can we, you know, how can we figure this out and not said in those particular words? But maybe. Yeah, so we do this everywhere. Like we start to resent people we love because we don't want to have the tough conversations. Yeah.

And then you end up having it and you realize it's not that hard.

No, it's not that hard.

Put all this.

Yeah, you're gonna feel sick. Yeah, it's gonna, you're gonna have anxiety rush over your body. I was thinking of that yesterday because I just had a, like a meeting that it was like very nerve wracking. I'm like, hey, you know what? Yeah, you're gonna feel this way and you're gonna be fine. And no matter what happens, it's fine. But you're doing it. So you're gonna have that tough conversation. You're gonna feel emotional, you might cry, you might feel anxious, you might wanna barf. Yes, that is the beginning of a tough conversation. You might shake. You might feel like you look or sound crazy. But let me tell you, you will be in emotional prison for the rest of your life if you don't have those conversations. And that's just not how I'm gonna live. Like I'm gonna be a free bird. So whatever that takes. Whatever that takes. Because you are not meant to be like an emotional slave to somebody. And it's, it's your fault if you are.

Dang, you're dropping those truth.

I'm just talking to myself. I'm talking to myself. I know.

I need to hear that. I need to hear this. Do you want another one?

You gotta free yourself, girl. Let's see if we have time. Yep. Okay.

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With Shopify by your side at Emily Cund. How often is too often to pivot?

How often? What's up, Emily? How often is too often to pivot? This is a good question.

I know. Is there such a thing as. Oh, I guess it's like if you keep going from one thing to another.

Like, if you're not. Like, if you're. If you're pivoting because it's challenging, that's when it's too often and you know that you want to be doing that thing. Okay, so I'm kind of like, in this place where I could see my brain being like, maybe it's not this, maybe it's not this because it's getting challenging.

Yeah.

But if not this, what else? Like, once you find something that you enjoy, what else are you going to enjoy more? Like, if there is something that you're like, oh, I really realize that this is not it, because I don't see myself enjoying this in a year if it starts working out. Oh, this is a good question. Okay. Okay. This just came to me for. For me, actually. So I hope it helps her. If it started working out and you started enjoying that. Like, would you start enjoying that thing? If the meetings were going well, if the, you know, if things were working in your favor, if the. Everything that you could foresee happening and your plans started really working, would you be so happy that you stuck to it? That's. Or are you still like, eh? I don't really know if that was for me. So picture. Maybe you want to, you know, plan events or do this coaching thing or whatever. Picture the ultimate, you know, success within that realm. And if it's something you're really excited about, like, yes, I really. It's. It's worth it. Like, that. Those outcomes are worth it. Then stick to that thing. Yeah. If you're like, eh, even if it was working out, I don't think that's where I'd want to be in those outcomes, then that might be a sign to pivot into something that you would. But if you do, then you got to keep Going because if not this, it's going to be the same with everything else. I'm just in this place of like, oh, my gosh, everything is hard. So enjoy the entire experience. It's just. It can't be easy. It cannot be easy because easy isn't actually gratifying.

And does it eat too easy? I feel like things that take everything takes time. Everything good takes time.

It does.

And it's. It makes it worth it. And if it happens really easily, usually that thing doesn't last forever.

Totally. That's literally. I always think of that. I'm just. Even Chris. And I always say, I'm like. If we were like, naturally super, like, skinny fit people, I would be eating all the sugar and drinking all of the wine.

Same.

So I'm almost like, wow. I'm almost so grateful now. It's a really crazy place to be as an adult when you're, like, grateful that you kind of like, need to watch yourself. Because it keeps me really healthy.

Yes.

Because I'm like. Otherwise I'd be like, yes. All the candy and wine, like, why not have wine again tonight? Yeah. This is so fun. So. So it's kind of the same thing. It's like, you know, I think that the challenges, you just have to, like, be grateful for them because the. What happens on the other side of the challenges are something you cannot get to with ease and like, massive. I don't know, just. It's just not. It's just great.

Yeah.

You know, it is. Help a sister out who has a head cold.

Yeah.

You're doing great and you know, things.

Stick with it. Ask yourself that question. Is it gonna. Would I like this if it wasn't? Wait, what was the question?

Would I let. Would I. Would I still love this if I accomplished everything and, like, was winning all the way with these things? So I think that that is a great. Yeah, that's great for me. Thanks. I love it. Thanks, Emily, for bringing that. For bringing that in so that I could also be coached and therapied. Same therapist sized.

Therapistized.

I don't know.

I don't know either.

All right, Evan, so you are. I just. I'm like, just feeling a bit of a sacred sisterly moment right now. I know where I just. I'm gonna visualize walking you down the aisle, holding your train and sending you off to your next life experience.

Thank you so much. I'm really excited.

It's so exciting. And he is just the best, most amazing partner in human being.

I think so too.

So I just can't even wait to see all of your squirrel children.

Thank you. And I thought this day was never gonna come. I never thought I was gonna meet the one.

See, so I want people to really hear that, too. Like, there's so many women that I've been friends with who are like, I just don't know when I'm gonna find him. And it ha. It can happen really, really fast when you are just, you know, when you kind of either release or let go or whatever that looks like. And now look at you now, about to go find.

Here goes nothing.

So you guys just always so grateful for you and share a little, maybe a little wedding tidbit with ECRAD over here. Give me your marriage advice. I need it. Well, I think you're doing just fine.

Thanks.

You guys have all your. You guys have some really strong rituals. So until next time, Evans will be married.

Yes, I will be married.

Goodbye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think.

Would love it, that would be absolutely.

Amazing and we would be forever grateful.

Also, please leave us a review if.

You feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.