453: Here's what's missing in your life

Foreign. Needs to be active. So create better problems for your brain or you're going to create stupid problems. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the earn your happy podcast and it's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. So thank you guys so much for always fitting in these 10 to 15 minutes just to really reflect on your life and see what you need. And speaking of that, we're going to talk all about that today and before we do that, I am just going to remind you that event love is coming up. Eventluv.com if you want to go into your 2020 as that speaker, as that teacher, as that leader, as that person who runs profitable events, this is where you want to be. We are not sure if we are ever running this again. It is a five day boot camp to become more confident. You are the event. You will be on stage, you will be facilitating, we will be helping you work through all of your fears, your anxiety, giving you the tools that you need to put on your own events to show as that teacher, leader, facilitator, podcast host, whatever that is, that you want to be in the forefront, this is for you. So go to eventluv.com because we will be closing sales in December. So make sure you go and let us know if you're going to do it because we can't wait to see you. We only have 20 spots left. It's almost full. Okay. Today we are talking about giving yourself what you need. And this is a beautiful topic because I believe that the men and women who listen to this podcast are committed to their journey. So you guys know that if I am giving you some really direct words that it's just loving all over you. Because this is literally how I talk to myself in a graceful but direct way. Because many of us are deep into the self development world or we've been avid podcast listeners and if you're not. And if this is the first podcast, well then this is just a juicy serving of exactly what you probably need. So I want to read to you a couple quotes that I loved this morning. And it says this is from, let's see. This is from Sharon E. Rainey. It says no more martyring myself. No more. No more martyring myself. It's so basic. Yet I have those moments where I'm actually in my life feeling anxiety or I'm feeling depressed or a little bit hopeless and I'm looking to blame someone or something. And the only person who makes my schedule is me. And the only person who chooses what I do is me. And the only person who avoids social situations is me. And the only person who's not reaching out to people and staying committed to a path of up leveling is me. The only person that I can look at is me. No matter what, at any given time. And even when there's things that I think I'm doing that I don't want to be doing, there is a way for me to change that in the future. There is a way for me to start looking ahead and saying if this is something I don't want to be doing, how would I start to change that? And until we can get to that place of complete 100% ownership, as I'm looking to create this new company that I'm creating, which you guys will all be a part of, many of you will be a part of, which I'm so excited about. I am starting to look at the mission statement and the core values. And one of my core values is going to be everyone must take 100% ownership of everything that they do and anything that goes wrong. Because if something is going wrong in my company, whether I from the outside looks like an employee's fault or whatever that is, it's my fault for not either giving them the tools, not noticing sooner, or just trying to not take the blame in whatever it is, even though it's someone that I had hired. So what does 100% ownership look like in your life? Even if you took ownership of something that isn't your faul and sometimes this is one of those things that's, you know, you're like, well, this was traumatic or this happened or this was something awful that happened in my life, ownership would be deciding to not replay it and let that person either victimize you or let that trauma happen over and over again by thinking the thoughts. So yes, that happened and yes, it's terrible that it happened. But the only way that we can stop being a victim is to stop thinking about it and to release that person or forgive that person. So 100% ownership would be to recognize where we are still sitting in it and letting it affect our lives because it happened. It's over now. How can we move forward? How can we get the help that we might need for those thoughts or the things that happen? How could we get a therapist? How could we, you know, work through these things? How could we get, I believe it's EMDR for trauma therapy. How can we go and seek those things out and take care of our needs? And I loved that particular quote because it really just got me back to the drop me right back into reality on a couple things that I'm like, I don't know how to do this. I didn't go to business school. I didn't do this. I'm like, well, are there books out there? Are there people I could ask? Can I sit with this discomfort and try to learn it? Can I carve out time to try to learn it? So another one, it says, this is by C. Joy Bell. It says, the only person who can pull me down is myself and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore. The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I'm not going to let myself pull me down any more. And Nathaniel Brandon says, of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves. So when we realize that we are in victim mode or when we are the person who's actually keeping us in the situation that we don't love, how much grace can you have on yourself? Because what won't work and what won't get you out of being the martyr or the victim is to say, look how much time I've wasted. I don't. You know, I can't believe that I've been talking to myself this way. You're so stupid. Why are you saying this? Why do you always go back to this? Why is this your default? Guys going to dig you into a deeper hole. So it is a non judgmental look at what we're saying and it's that re parenting that I'm always talking about. Because this is what I do in my life. Adulting is just reparenting yourself in a loving way over and over and over again and saying, okay, I see this, it's okay, I forgive myself. I did the best that I could with the information that I had and now I know this. So I'm going to make a Better decision. And I'm going to love myself into this person that I know that I'm supposed to be. So I've written down some questions for you. Whether you're in your car or running or whatever that looks like. I really want you to come back to this later and to just write this down for yourself. Because a lot of us are, are saying that we feel hopeless or anxious or we don't have the friends that we want, or we're waking up every day and we don't know what to do except there's questions that we are not asking ourselves. I believe that we're a few better questions away from better answers leading to our dreams and the connections that we desire. And if we don't start actually asking and answering, that's the key, these questions and being committed to getting an answer right. You can ask these questions and not get an answer right away and be like I asked myself, still didn't know. That's not going to help you. That's going back to that default victim mode. So number one, how have you been feeling? Let's just like take a pulse. Have you been feeling overwhelmed? Have you been feeling anxious? Have you been feeling depressed? Are you lonely? Are you feeling like you're not in or connected to any social group? Are you feeling like you don't have an inner circle? Are you feeling like your family's driving you bananas because you're not having the conversations that you need? Are you feeling over committed? What are you feeling right now? Write all of those feelings down. Circle the top feeling that needs the most attention right now, the one that's making you feel really cray cray, you know what I'm talking about? So circle that top feeling and from there around this feeling, I want you to write, what do you think that you need? What do you think could be valuable or useful or that could help overcome, negate move through this feeling. And a lot of times what you write down is probably going to be challenging and it's why you've been avoiding it, because it's going to require some action that you don't want to be taking. It's going to require reaching out to some people, right? It's going to require things that you're like, eh, I'll go back to victim mode because that's going to keep me safe from having to do the hard thing that I know that I need. So what do you think you need? And some of you won't even know this answer. So what you have to write down is I'M going to commit to discovering what I think I need. Here are some ideas that I think could help if I was telling a friend how they could overcome this particular feeling. And then once you commit to that discovery, you're going to go down that list and you're going to try those things. And you don't just try it. Once you take something that you know that you. You're semi interested in or you think could create an outcome that you enjoy and you're going to keep it for a month to two months, you have to commit to discovery because you're going to try stuff. And we all know that a lot of the positive outcomes don't come until later. So you're like, oh, I need a workout. And then you go try to lift weights. You're like, that shit's heavy. I don't want to do that anymore. It's not going to. You're going to go right back to martyring yourself. Right? Martyrdom. And you need to get out of there. So you have to commit to discovery. And here's a couple things that you can say. So sometimes we are in a place in our life where we know that we just need to enjoy the process. So that would probably be something light and fun. Maybe that's a hobby. Maybe that is, you know, artwork. Maybe that's pottery. Maybe that's just connection. Maybe that's a book club. And even that has a bit of resistance around it, right? Because you have to get outside of your comfort zone own. And then other times, you know that you need a different outcome in your life and you're not happy. There are things going on that you need to have some confidence building in your life. You need some confidence. So you have to do some things that bring confidence, like reaching out or finishing something that seems challenging. So sometimes we're committed to the process when we need some ease and light and just some, you know, soul time. And then other times we need to commit to the outcome. So those are more things like working out. Those are more things like finding a business coach. Those are things like joining a mastermind. Those are things like getting on a workout routine and hiring someone to make sure that we show up, spending money, committing to something because you need a different outcome. So sometimes we're committing to the process and sometimes we're committing to the outcome. And oftentimes when we commit to the outcome, we end up falling in love with the process later on because of what it brings. But keep committing to the outcome, knowing that the process is gonna be challenging. And if you're a person who doesn' do hard things very often and you're not challenging yourself because you're scared or you don't want to leave your comfort zone, you have to commit to the outcome. You have to go find some things that are going to change your actual reality and the process is going to be challenging. If you're someone who's always doing challenging things, gets your identity from challenging things, gets your identity from reaching huge levels of different things and you are just a complete go getter, but you're not very happy, you might need to commit to some things that you really enjoy the process that you can just fall in love with how good it feels to fill your soul to walk in nature and remind yourself it's not about the outcome, it's about the process. So question one was, how have you been feeling? Question two was what do you think you need and do you need to commit or do you need to commit to discovery? And are you someone who needs to commit to an outcome based thing or a process based thing? And then the next question, the third question is how often do you need to do it? Most likely this is going to be weekly. So most likely you are are going to need to do that thing whether it's outcome or process based. And you'll need it weekly because in order to feel like we're doing something and changing our life in our environment, it really does have to be something that is frequent. The next question so this is question four. What is your first step to getting this started? Is it calling? Is it googling? Is it actually setting aside time to go through these questions, what is your first step to getting this started? Question 5 How will you go about making this happen? Question 6 How long will it take in order to make this thing a habit or to get that different feeling that you think you need? Just give a guesstimate. How long will this take? And what is the date in which you will begin this? And the date should be that week, the date should be this week that you start to implement it. Or you should have something on your calendar for next week. And if you're busy next week, don't fool yourself, remove something and implement it anyway. So here's the final thing. Just write this out. I promise I won't give up on committing to this discovery until my needs are met. I promise I won't give up until my needs are met. I promise I won't give up until my needs are met. Remember when you were a toddler? Probably not. So go ask your mom. You did not stop crying or freaking out until your needs were met. And this is because we knew that we had to ask for what we needed because we had no other form of communication. And so our needs were met. We ate when we wanted to eat. We slept when we wanted to sleep. We played when we wanted to play. We typically got our way. That rhymes. And you have to remember, if you do that in your life and you commit, you're going to get what you need. Now I don't know if throwing a temper tantrum is the best way, but it gets the job done. Just kidding. Please don't do that. But you can do it in a way that is done with love, right? You can start looking at your life and saying if if you're not taking care of your needs, sister or brother.

With the holidays and the new year coming, you probably are looking around your house thinking that you would love to upgrade and freshen up your environment. And there is no easier way to do that than with your window treatments. Nobody covers windows better than blinds.com blinds.com brings your space to life in your way. They have free design help. Other retailers may claim to have experts, but blinds.com has spent nearly 30 years building an award winning team of over 100 design consultants that are ready to help you create your dream space. Always convenient, always tailored to you. Three ways to shop 1. Perfect fit Whether you want a DIY have it all done for you or you're somewhere in between, choose what works for you and rest easy knowing the fit is guaranteed. So the holidays come fast you guys, and you can freshen up your window treatments fast as well. And unlike some competitors, the price you see is the price you pay. No hidden fees and there's zero pressure. From blackout in motorized options to classic shutters, blinds.com has Windows treatments for every room, style and budget, even shades for your outdoor space. The Black Friday deals@blinds.com are going strong all month long, so don't miss your chance to save big. And as always, our listeners still get $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code earn at checkout limited time offer rules and restrictions apply. See blinds.com for details. 2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You become the leader. That ide have that has been eating at you forever that just will not leave you alone is going to come to life. Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did and that I use Shopify. It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match. Your brand setup is fast. With Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos so marketing is built into. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets and do it all from the same dashboard. In 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy. Go to shopify.com happy that's shopify.com happy. Hear your first cha Ching. This new year with Shopify by your.

Side, nobody else is going to. And this feeling that you feel only gets worse because we are evolutionary creatures. We want to move forward, we want to progress. It's literally why we are on earth is to create and to make progress and to move forward and to grow and to learn. If you are not doing those things, you're actually going to backwards. And you know, it's the same reason why people who retire and they don't have anything to do afterward. You know, there's a lot of higher death rates among people who retire is because they take their purpose away. They take that purpose and reason for living and they become feeling hopeless. There's so many things that are important about number one, having a purpose, giving yourself something bigger to focus on. If you don't give yourself something big to focus on something that is meaningful to you, all of the little shit will become your big things. So all you'll create drama in your life. You'll start watching the news because you need something to worry about, right? We need something to solve and we need something to worry about. So choose what those things are, make them purposeful and make them meaningful. Or I'm sure that you guys have friends or parents or loved ones who you're like, why Is this even important? I can't talk about this crap anymore. Like nobody cares. This is so dramatic. Why is he or she always causing drama wherever they go? Because they don't have anything to worry about. And their brain is like, I gotta solve something. I gotta fix something. I gotta create something. I gotta worry about something. Your brain needs to be active. So create better problems for your brain, or you're gonna create stupid problems. It's gonna show up on a quote tile somewhere. It's gonna be a terrible quote. Um, yeah. But anyway, you guys, I'm sending you so much love today. So grateful for you, and the most important thing that you could ever do if you get value out of this PO is to share it on your stories and share your takeaways and also text it to a friend. So if that's the easiest thing that you could do, if you love this podcast, that would totally rock my world. And also get it out to some people who absolutely need it. And if you're feeling extra jazzy and want to give some extra holiday loving to this podcast, I don't know, then you could go over to itunes on your computer. I don't think you can rate it on your phone. I know so many people are like, I can't rate and review on your computer. You can go rate and review and subscribe to the podcast. Let us know what you think, let us know what you love or want more of. Whatever doesn't really matter. Just go rate and review and leave your opinion. All right, you guys, grateful for you, as always. And I hope that this podcast helped. And please don't just turn this off and think, yeah, I needed that. But not go do the questions. So make sure you answer these questions and implement it. If you really want a change in your life, don't let this just be 15 minutes of feeling good and saying, yeah, I'm gonna do that, and not changing again. Because you to give yourself what you need. That's how we elevate the planet. It's how we change our family patterns. It's how we change our lives. It's how you live a life that truly can feel the way that you want to feel every single day. Doesn't mean it's going to be that way 100% of the day. But a good day to me, is when you keep choosing that you can feel better even on days that you don't. So that is a good day. All right, until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much, so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.