464: Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions about GOALS answered

Foreign. Helps, meditation helps, healthy food helps, exercise helps, and a really supportive tribe helps. Like, these are all things that can give you more willpower. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Evans, welcome back to your show. Questionably awesome.

Welcome back, Lori. Thanks. Thanks you. Thank you.

Can you sing the welcome back Cotter song?

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

So if you haven't figured it out yet, this is a show where you may not learn anything. So if you came on here to get smarter, well, yeah, you get smarter. We give a lot of wisdom.

There's a lot going on here.

But we do know that now we need to add an official pre bumper.

Yes.

Because some people come on here to be like, I want to listen to an interview that is going to change my life.

Yeah.

And while this will change your life, it's also going to be shenanigans and make you laugh.

Perhaps more laid back.

Do you think people listen to this ever with a completely straight face?

No, I think they're like, why are they doing this?

Do you think they have a voodoo doll that looks like both of us.

And are stabbing it?

I hope not. Boy, I hope not. That is a scary thought. Let's sage those words right now.

Yeah.

No voodoo dog, I'm saging you. So, Evans, tell me about your life. I know we just saw Adam on a walk. So Evans and I live in the same neighborhood and we see them on dog walks all the time, walking George. And Adam was out in the cold. Yes. California gets cold. And we were walking by him at a coffee shop and he has on a huge fleece, a surfer hat, and short shorts.

Really short shorts.

And I looked over and I was just, I. You know when you're looking at someone and you don't realize you know them, but you're looking straight at them? I was observing his outfit. I was staring at his legs. I was like, look.

Oh, yeah, he has some strong legs.

Yeah, nice Strong legs.

I think that's why he likes wearing short shorts.

Going to like this podcast.

He's going to love this. And he loved your tights.

That's the first I had on leggings.

Yes. But he calls them tights.

So I had on tights. See, when I picture tights, I picture, like, a little bit like the see through black tight.

Yes. The kind that, like, falls down as the day.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You get, like saggy. Saggy crotch. Saggy crotch. And your diapers kind of like. I just picture tights on, like, a little girl with a diaper.

But describe your. Your leggings.

Oh, my leggings looked like gift wrap. They were plaid. And Evan's just taught me a new word. Do you want to teach the world? Because I don't think they know either.

Yes. I hope I'm pronouncing it T A.

R T. Don't look at me. I don't know. You might want to look it up. Yeah, it's like a plaid tartan.

Tartan.

Tartan tartan.

Yeah.

So it's like a plaid. Let me see.

See?

Oh, that's exactly what they looked like. Red tartan.

Red tartan.

I had. No. I mean, I. You guys, I take everything back from the beginning of this podcast. You can now through this holiday season, because guess what, guys? Today's Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

I mean, technically, Evans and I are living in the future, which we talk to people about not doing.

Yes.

But right now, we are living on Christmas Day. And you can compliment everybody today about their tartan pants and gift wrap.

Yes. Be like, oh, this tartan gift wrap is so lovely. Great job, mom.

Great job, Mom. I'm so proud of you for wrapping this the way you do. The next generation is not going to wrap gifts the way our moms did.

I feel like they're going to be so green and conscious about the earth that they'll probably just not even have gifts.

We'll probably talk about what gift we were going to get for them. Evans, I was gonna get you a gift, but I didn't want to add waste. Waste. So here's what it was. Yeah, here's what it is.

I've looked at the eco friendly gift wrap, the, like, reusable kind or something. It's expensive, but I'm. I appreciate it, but I think maybe I don't know what to do about gift wrap right now.

I think. Do you know what? It's kind of fall here instead of winter. Yes. So you could do leaves, like, just glue them on. Glue Them around the gift.

Yeah.

Or use like some sort of like sticky thing and just pull them off and be like eco friendly.

That's what I'm gonna do.

It would be really popular here. People don't understand. If you're not from here, everyone's like.

Just wrap your present.

Yeah. No, if you're not from here, you don't understand people like what kind of wrapping paper is this? I'm so sorry but I cannot receive.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry. Evans, do you have a review?

Yes, it's from Chandler Ray 12.

Chandler Ray, that's such a cool name. I'm telling you, I need my mom to start talking to people with like people's parents with cool names.

Chandler A says my cup of energy and life in the mornings.

What?

Whoa. Good morning Laurie and Evans. Btw. Love your name by the way.

Oh, she loves you. Didn't know. Also taught something. Did she say I love your name? She's talking to you, not me.

She could have been talking.

No, no, it's clear.

We'll ask Chandler.

Okay. Chandler Ray.

Chandler says. Just wanted to start off by saying that you two are my pick me up for the rest of the day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays as I'm driving to class, especially in Phoenix traffic, I feel as though I'm sitting right there with you sipping on my ice matcha latte.

Ooh.

Laughing at the hilarious tangents and ideas that are thought of. You guys need someone to make a list of all your brilliant ideas. Haha. Anyway, I love you both so much and appreciate your wisdom for soon to be college grad. Oh exciting. Everything is so relatable and so true. Keep on being your authentic selves and I will continue to do the same. Much love Chandler Derby.

Chandler, I'm so excited that you are staying in school and still listening to this. I am so happy that you're actually going to graduate and you listen to this. See that says a lot about our audience. Smart.

Super smart.

Super smart. Make sure you email customer servicerie harder.com so we can send you something really cool. Perhaps a mug.

Yeah, a really cool mug.

It's going to be the best mug ever.

Chandler.

Probably not, but you're going to get.

One and you're going to sip it on graduation day and you're going to.

Upload it and tag us. Thanks, but congratulations on graduating soon. I'm really. Oh my God. You must have called her in because of your shirt. She is wearing a cactus shirt with a Santa hat on it. Yes, it's very Phoenix Arizona, Very Phoenix.

Festive.

If I didn't know, I'd be like that girl from Phoenix.

Definitely from Phoenix.

She likes a cacti Christmas.

This is a great shirt.

Oh, I love that shirt. When you walked in with that shirt, it made my day. In fact, I was just over in Culver City at the Soul Cycle over there, and they have a bunch of cactuses wearing Christmas hats.

Okay.

I think I uploaded it.

That's the cutest thing I've ever done.

That is really weird that I just uploaded it, though. Anyhow, do you have a quote?

Yes.

Please share.

This is from Dolly Parton.

This is.

No.

Okay, okay. Deepak.

Deepak.

All right. You like that, D? I like. Oh.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dolly Parton and Deepak Chopra have entered the building.

If you obsess over. Over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing or and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around the that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.

Wow. I love that. Me too.

I saw it on Instagram and screenshotted it.

Instagram is. Is really where I get all my education.

Me too.

Hence why it's just pouring out of me. So let's talk about that quote, because I actually am obsessed with it.

Me too.

So the part where it says about, hold on. What am I doing?

No right or wrong decisions.

Yes. I love that. I don't know if we've talked about this before, but I've. Or if I've told you about this book, Conversations with God. But it's kind of about how everything exists to essentially complement each other. Like, there is no really, like, right or wrong. And I know that this can be such a edgy or extreme thought, but when you really dig deep into it, it's kind of like you can't. It's kind of like life and death. You can't truly grasp what it would mean to be alive with it, existing forever. So I think going back to the right or wrong, though, that's been really powerful for me when I am setting goals or when I am, um, you know, just creating anything, because we can get so caught in the loop of, am I going to make the right decision? Is this going to be. And you know what?

You.

The. The thing about getting caught in that loop is you have to fail, and you have to make wrong decisions to understand how to make the right Ones. So preach. You know, where are you at with that? Tell me why you chose that one.

Because my career path is very zigzaggy. Yeah. And I'm trying new things, and I'm always like, oh, did I do this? Why'd I do this? Yeah, should I have done this? And it gets really old when you keep saying that to yourself and you spiral into a deep, dark hole that nobody needs to go in.

No. And it's so crazy because I. I, number one, can't picture you there. But also, at the same time, I feel like we might not. I feel. Because I think we've talked about this. I think we share a lot of the personality where we are super. We love to laugh and be bubbly and lift morale and, you know, do new things. But at the same time, I can go. I'm getting so much better. But I used to go to the extreme opposite of like, oh, my God, Captain Depresso Anxiety. So, darn what is my problem? But maybe that's why we can also experience such joy.

That's true. Everybody has that part of them.

They really do. And I would rather not. I'd rather not stay there as long as I used to. And I don't. I don't. Do you?

Do you?

No, I don't. And it's kind of. I feel like I'm doing a better job of being like, oh, I know that. I'm starting to go in that little place.

Yeah. What do you do? Because it's. What do you do when you observe it? Do you go for a walk? Do you call someone? What do you do?

Usually go for a walk. And I really hermit a lot when I'm sad.

Yeah, same.

So I have to stop myself from doing that or my. And my friends will notice. They'll be like, you haven't talked to us in, like a week.

Yeah.

And that's just not healthy.

No, I definitely did that a lot. And actually, something that's really helped is having being around people when I'm working. And I know a lot of people, especially people who listen to this podcast, who are early entrepreneurs or in their, like, mega. In their entrepreneurial journey that is re. It's one of the most isolating things in the beginning because some people don't have a team yet or some people don't want a team or need a team, but then they work by themselves all day long. And we are not meant to be alone.

No. And what if you're trying to save money? So you didn't get a co working membership and you're working out of your house.

Oh, well, let me tell you what their workday looks like. Hardly. Wake up, hit your snooze button 10 times. Cry a little bit in bed. Maybe this is just me. And then go down. Think of eating cold pizza, but you didn't order it last night, so you don't even have any. Cry about that. Yep. Drink way too much coffee because you're so tired. Then have a minor panic attack by yourself. Like you're in the safest place you could possibly be. But you just start going down anxiety road, like you're skipping down it.

Yeah, but you. You don't have to do that anymore.

No. Then you go to the fridge and it's 10am and you start binge eating. Is that just me?

I don't know. Probably.

Dark, dark, dark. Then you stare at your computer for two hours and wonder why you are not feeling creative or motivated. Yep.

And then you go on Instagram and compare yourself to everyone. And you're like, wow, their holiday looks really nice. And I'm in my little apartment and I can't buy this cool thing I want from Pottery Barn.

Yep. And then you cry again.

But guess what?

What?

Your life doesn't have to be like that.

It doesn't. Because I have a quote for you.

Okay.

That doesn't feel like a fitting quote right now. Hold on.

Okay, you can change it to another one.

Is that really when I screenshotted. You must take action now. That will move you towards your goal. Develop a sense of urgency in your life. Okay, I shot. I screenshot this one because developing a sense of urgency in your. I think so many of us are like, yeah, I have a goal, but we never put a deadline on it. And we never ever, like, tell people about it to hold us accountable. We don't do the thing. We don't set the date. We don't put the money down. We don't tell everyone. So that's where people are. You know what? This reminds me, I think, of a question that we have, actually. So let's move into our questions.

Okay. I love that this is from Powerment with Elizabeth. Advice for you. When you invest in yourself, do the work, but feel like year after year, you're not reaching goals not much further than the previous year.

Okay. How did you know that was the question that I wanted? Oh, weird. I just picked so weird. So we read some questions typically before we come on here. Very professional. Like, I was like, how did you know, Universe?

Yeah.

So it sounds to me like you are Putting, you know, you're doing all the personal development, which means when you do that, when you go to the events, when you do the coaching, when you buy the books, you are putting money down on things. You're showing up, you're going and doing the things. But what happens is there's this big gap for a lot of people where they don't realize that's the exact same actions that they need to take on their goals. So they need to set a deadline to start the business. They need to meet the attorney. They need to go and proclaim what they're going to do. They need to start, like, truly start the thing and have all the dates in and get the support that they need around those things. So maybe they do need to hire an assistant before they're even ready.

Right.

What happened for us is we did, and we are hiring for things before we're ready to even. Like, sometimes you don't even necessarily have the money, but you can hire a virtual assistant. And what can happen is that once you tell them what you're doing or you start that project, you have to show up because they're waiting for the project to be finished, or they are on a timeline or they're on a deadline. Like, I remember when I worked with my first web person, it was like, they. Much like my camera person. Just kidding. I need. Alyssa's filming us right now, and she's. I called her the wrong name. A camera person apparently is not the professional name for what she does.

Nope.

Video. Videographer and superhero is the correct name. She likes that.

That's true.

I don't know. All right, where was I?

You were talking about your.

Your first. First web person.

Yes.

Web designer. Web designer and superhero.

Yes.

So they had a deadline for me that if I wanted to even work with them, I had to meet the deadlines of what they needed. Oh, yeah, that's kind of crazy. So you have to get your project done. It was like, we need this by this date and this date and this date and this date. So I was like, oh, my God, I need to have a photo shoot done by this date. Oh, my God, I need to get this content by this date. I have to write, like, my entire sales copy by this date. And if I wouldn't have hired those people before I was ready, I would have never got those projects done because I wouldn't have even known what I needed. So a lot of times we have to start putting our plan into action, and people just get stuck there because they're like, I don't know what to do. Hey, that's me. I just said it yesterday. And Chris was like, use Google. Oh, he almost got some. I don't know. I had soup in my lap and I just had this fantasy of throwing, like, putting the bowl on his head, you know, like a cartoon or a soap opera. At that point, I was just like, you know when your loved one who you normally think is like, you know, so smart and cute, you're like, ugly. This is. Wear this soup. Oh, jerk.

Just one time. That would be cool to do that.

But, yeah, and then you'd lose your spouse. So. Yeah, don't do that ever. What's the next question?

The next question is from @tay. Underscore pellet Pelletier.

Hey, we've had her before.

Yeah.

How I like that she sends cues. Go.

How can you prioritize goals without losing work? Life. Balance. Oh, balance.

How can you Priority.

Can you.

No, that's why this question, like, just. I, I, I love that we are still striving for balance, but I think balance is the recognition of. So I. You have to go to extremes in order to break through where you're at. So what happens is you're gonna. Oh, let's use an airplane as an example. So in order for an airplane to take off, like, that sucker has to use, it uses, I think it uses most of its fuel on takeoff, if I remember this correctly. Okay, so you're going to take off. You are like, full throttle. And then you kind of end up leveling out at this new level. Well, what happens is sometimes there's turbulence there and you're like, oh, okay, I need to go to the next level. So you're going to, like, go to extremes, use a ton of fuel, but you can't keep that up, obviously. And then you're going to kind of level out. That's what it feels like. It's like you have to, in order to get to the next level or take off to where you want to go. Like, you're going to use so much of your energy, it's going to feel crazy. It's going to be, like, super overwhelming. But then you end up leveling out, but you don't stay at that level either. Right, but that's what the journey feels like. It's this constant, like, full throttle, level out. Full throttle, level out. And I don't know another way to get to where you want to go without doing that.

I think it's confusing, too, because when you look on social media, everyone's like, it seems that people who are successful have somehow managed to have this perfect life of, oh, I work really hard. I still have time for my family, I still have time for vacation, and I still have time to have this amazing body. And you're like, how do I do all those things? I can barely be a human.

I think there's this photo shoot or this, this Sears, like, place where influencers go and they set up stations, balance stations, and they're like, here, we have a family. This is gonna help you look balanced on your Instagram because posting you in a ball in the corner doesn't really get a lot of likes.

Yeah, true. But I wish more people would post themselves as a ball in the corner.

Cause I would like it. This was me today in bed, crying. Yeah, I guess I don't know if I'm supposed to like it or like, you know what I'm happy about. I'm really glad that Instagram doesn't have a thumbs down.

Oh, me too.

Didn't they put a thumbs down on Facebook?

They did. And that just. I don't like that.

Who the f does that?

I don't know. You know, thumbs downing.

Oh, my. Do you know what? I. There's thumbs down on YouTube and like on my TED Talk, I'm like, I didn't know thousands of people could thumbs down me, but apparently they can.

That's just.

I don't. You know what? I want to go to their house and just open their door and just have my thumb down and be like, this is how much you suck.

Bye. That's how it feels.

Yeah, that is how it feels.

Someone just came to your house and gave you a thumbs down.

Totally.

Oh, no.

No room for that. No room for that. There. There's a quote that I have around that while you find another question.

Okay.

Because I really, really liked this quote about focusing on.

On prop.

Oh, Michelle Obama. One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody. Somebody else says distract you from your goals or give you thumbs down. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don't invest any energy in them because I know who I am. You know what? Thumbs downers. I am strong in the woman that I am.

That's right.

And if you take your thumb and turn it up.

Yeah, maybe that's what they suck it. That's not a function of them suck it. What Sally says of Sarah says more.

More about Sally than Sarah.

I don't know if those are the names. Actually.

All I Want now is syrup. That's all I know.

Chocolate syrup?

Yeah. Did you have another cue?

Oh, yeah.

Have we done one or two?

We've done two.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Let's do one more.

This is from indset. Michelle.

Hi, Michelle.

How many goals at a time can you work on?

Oh, 30 or 40 for sure.

I would say 32.

32.

Yeah.

Okay, great.

All right, guys, it's been a great episode. How many goals can you work at a time? So this is going to be obviously different for everybody. If you are not accomplishing your goals. Your number is one. No, I'm serious.

I need that.

Your number is one goal. Okay.

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Okay, so there is a set amount of willpower right now that you have in a day. You can make this percentage of willpower that you have throughout the day larger by doing certain activities. Sleep helps, meditation helps, healthy food helps, exercise helps, and a really supportive freaking tribe helps. Like these are all things that can give you more willpower right now. What happens is when you do a new thing outside of your normal habits that drains from the set amount of willpower that you have. So at the end of the day, if you are already exhausted and you're about to go add a goal to this, two things need to happen. Number one, you have to look at how you can get more willpower. Number two, you have to see what can go from your life. Because if you're already exhausted at the end of the day and you try to add a goal, guess what's going to happen, you're going to not do it. No goal, you're going to fail immediately, right? So you have to check on the status of where you even at energetically and do you even have room for this goal where your first goal needs to start, what needs to go so that a new goal can come in and how can you take care of yourself better so you can be the person who can do this new goal? When I add a third step, I can't hear your stomach through these headphones, but you Know, maybe a really large toot I would be able to hear. Did you see that one video that was going around about that guy that was interviewed on TV who just totally farted?

Huge. No, but I love that.

Well, we're going to Google it after this. All right. And it was super real. Like, he must have been. He must have been real ill. So ill. So sick. Wait, sorry. He was the illustrator. It was so awesome. Anyhow, I was on a super smart track right there. Like, maybe the only one of this whole podcast you were talking about.

Everything is important and you. And you, your tribe.

And then Evans tooted.

I do that.

But number three, I don't remember. But they got the gist of it.

Yeah, it was just about how you have some. You have to. You can't dig into that extra tank like you're trying to accomplish a goal after you're exhausted.

And they got the gist of it. I think. I really think that I had the mic drop moment right there, and we cut it off at the perfect. We cut the cheese at the perfect time. So you're fine. Okay. What's your wisdom of the week?

My wisdom is the week is the week.

My wisdom is the week.

That's my wisdom.

My wisdom is surviving this week. That's what I know.

My wisdom is to laugh.

Oh, God, that's good. It really is. Like, laughter is totally. It's.

Especially around the holidays.

Have you ever had somebody tell you that you are, like, you make life too much of a joke, or is that just me?

Oh, yes.

I like that.

Yeah, that's all.

All right, you guys. Well, we're so grateful for you. Happy. Any holiday that you have celebrated up till this point, I think that we should keep this going till the new year. And when I say keep it going, I mean focusing on what you want. Yeah. Don't make 2020 suck as bad as maybe 2016.

No, it's a new decade.

It's a new decade.

New decade. And you know what stuff?

Every single year, even if you think. I saw a great, great post, actually, that my friend Rita had posted, and she said she observed that some of her language around last year was like, I can't wait till this over. And then she was like, wait, I don't ever want to say something like that, because every year, even the most challenging years give you these incredible insights and lessons. And I can definitely say, like, we. It's the same thing from what we started talking about. Like, you would not be able to experience contrast without living contrast, so.

Exactly.

Living contrast yeah.

So if you're in a dark place, it doesn't last forever.

No. And it's teaching you something right now or it's stripping something away.

Yes. Yeah.

A lot of times, if something's being stripped away from you or you're feeling like, oh, my God, I can't, you know, hit rock bottom anymore. That could be. That could be. That is making room for something super new and amazing to move in. So just know that things are working even when they feel like they're not working.

Love it.

That's all you need to know.

That's all you need to know. You got this.

Welcome to Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Unwrap this tartan. Tartan pants. Don't. Yes. I don't know. All right, you guys. Until next time, merry holidays.

Merry holidays.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing, and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear. More of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye, Sam.