466: Start, Stop, Face and Embrace in 2020 with Chris Harder

Hi, everyone. I'm so happy you've tuned into the show. Whether you have listened before or you're brand new, I'm so grateful for you. You have no idea. And this episode is brought to you by my Become Aligned course. And podcasts are amazing. And I know that you know that because you guys all listen to them, and I do, too. And sometimes they are not necessarily enough because while we're listening, sometimes we're passively listening and we're not actively listening. So the reason that Chris and I. Chris is my husband. The reason we've created this course is because we get asked so many questions outside of the podcast on how we started living the life that we live now. A life of happiness, of abundance, of really understanding that life is always full of problems every single day, but there's always a solution. And how do we shift back into a mindset that's going to keep us happy, keep us together, keep us successful, and keep us in thriving relationships? And that is what our, our Become Aligned course is about. You guys, we cover everything from mindset to the rituals that we do every single day. We talk about different energy sources that's really gonna provide you with lasting energy. We talk about your purpose and what that actually means, what it is and how it's ever changing. We're gonna tap into your beliefs, we're gonna show you how to build a tribe to support where you're going. And we're definitely going to talk about wealth, abundance, money, all of the good things, and how to sustain all of this. Because while, like I said, POD are absolutely awesome, you don't necessarily sit down and actually write out a plan for yourself. Because as much as I can sit here and tell you on the podcast, what we do and how much, how many different people that I can interview, it's important that you actually learn how to apply these things in your own life. So if you've been listening for a while and you are ready to go deeper and you really want to get some direct training and be able to dive into your life and yourself and your mindset, this is the course for you. I don't know about you, but I absolutely have points in my life where I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes I hit walls where I don't necessarily feel happy anymore, and I haven't sat with myself long enough. I haven't really let myself think. I haven't written out how I actually feel. And so many people who took this course said that it was completely life changing and they revealed a lot of things about themselves, about them, about their. About their relationships that they weren't really looking at or they were avoiding. And it's about having those tough conversations, not only with other people, but really with yourself and knowing that you have the tools and the access to the tools. And we're going to teach you all of the tools that you need not only to move through things, but to actually thrive on the other side. So, you guys, I would love for you to join the aligned community. It's such a special group of human beings and you get lifetime time access. This is nine different modules where you're going to be working through each area of your life at your own pace. So you might need something on abundance, you might need more on, you know, money, you might need more on your purpose on your tribe. This is where you can really go deep on exactly what you need and make sure that you're not missing any of your blind spots. If you are feeling stuck or if you are wondering how everyone is doing it and how they're managing it all. This is a truly honest course about how to have a thriving life and manage and deal with all of the different problems that do come up in your life and understand that not everyone is going to support you and not everyone is for you and you are not for everyone. And that's okay. It's finding your people, it's forgiving yourself. It's creating a life of abundance and choosing your own purpose and your happiness. So, you guys, you can go to becomealigned.com that's becomealigned.com and you guys know that because you're listeners, I'm gonna give you an awesome deal and an awesome discount and I cannot wait to see you in that community. And also let me know if you join because it is such an awesome, awesome community. And also I'm really proud of this course. Chris and I poured our heart and our soul into this. Everything that we've done, everything that we've learned, we've invested so much into ourself that this is everything that we have applied in our lives. And if you want to know how we've done it, we put it all on the table. We've put it all in this course. So if you want to know, go check it out@becealigned.com so let's get into the show.

Know when something is shiny and know when something's a great opportunity and know when your loved one, spending time with them is the best choice. Of them all.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the show. I am really excited for this one because I wasn't even going to use this episode. Chris sat down to interview me for our 2020, kind of our annual episode. We've started doing this, I think a couple years ago and I ended up loving this podcast so much that I was like, you know what, screw it, I'm going to use this for my podcast too. So you'll hear that it is introed for his podcast. But I think you're going to love this content because it is all about the things that we are going to be doing for 2020 to become the next version of ourselves. And I just think that you guys can adopt this tradition if you want to because this is something not only that we've done every year, but we just added something that we share with you on here that I feel is going to be super powerful. So you guys, I feel some crazy ass energy around 2020 and, and I cannot wait to share this episode with you and just walk into this new year with all of you. So I just want to thank you for always listening and grateful for you. Let me know your takeaways on this episode. Tag my husband Chris harder and I let us know what you're going to do around the four things that we're doing. So tell us your four things. I would love to, to hear them. And tag us and I will share them. This is just fun. I love doing this every single year.

I do too. And like I said when I started, it's always the most popular. I think it makes sense, right? Because it's, it's a peek inside our lives. What went well, what didn't. And really what are we thinking about as we head into not just the new year, but the new decade now? One thing that we are heading into that I feel remiss if I don't bring up especially Because I have you on here right now. I don't think I've ever told this audience, I've never told this audience, but you have a five day intensive train the trainer up for anybody that wants to learn how to create and run and host their own profitable events. And there's really two things there, right? It's coming up in January, it's five days long, It's a really small group. It's you and Lindsey. And you guys are going to just go all in on teaching everybody. Hey, if you're a brand or if you want to be a brand or if you have a company, here's how you create the event. Like all the secrets of the trade, here's how you throw the event, here's where to put your money, here's where not to put your money, here's how to fill the event. And best of all, you're going to have a stage and they're going to get to really get comfortable with speaking and literally executing exercises to bond people at the event.

On top of that, that's half of it is you. If you come to eventlove and for all of the people who are coming to Event Love, you are essentially 50% of the event. You will actually. This is not for the faint of heart. This is for people who are ready to step into their vision and actually make their dreams happen. This because you will be on stage, you will have your time to speak on stage for a couple minutes. You'll be facilitating in the room, you'll be putting people through different exercises. It's literally like you are stepping into the event host and you're also gonna be in the room with people who also are having events this year. Like, I think what people don't get, Chris, is that it's not just, it's like they're too afraid to get in the rooms that could essentially just by showing up, completely transform them and change their entire lives. So it's like, yeah, I get that you're scared. I get that you don't feel like that person yet. Does anybody feel like that person yet when they're stepping into that room? You just have to be willing enough to go and show up and stay in the fire.

Yeah.

And so really it's like you're going to, yes. Be put on the spot to go and do things. But isn't that what you need and what you're desiring to finally become the person that you're supposed to become?

Yeah, it is. I don't know if you're scaring them or exciting them? Probably. There's probably two halves right now. They're listening.

That's perfect.

Yeah, there's not for me, I want.

The half who knows that if they don't go big and do something big, that they're never going to do it.

Well, on top of that, if you're not creating events for your brand this year, in 2020, as we head into this new decade, you're going to fall behind everybody else's because we're moving into the experiential economy. And the problem is I'm seeing so many of our friends, you know who they are. We could name at least six or seven of them that are starting to throw events, but they're, they're not doing it in the correct way and they're losing money or they're not filling or they're having to change venues because, you know, they had a big venue and they had to go down to a small one. And we want to save everybody that heartache. And so we are literally lifting the curtain on every single thing we do to fill our events, to make them profitable, to execute them. So people have a great experience and they leave as raving fans. And we're lifting the curtain on all of those secrets.

I can't wait to.

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So listen, if this is for you, now here's the good news is she's doing it. The bad news is we waited until it's about four weeks away and there's less than 10 spots left. And so the minute that you hear this, if this is for you, go to Event Love. That's L U V. We made it. Cute. Eventlove.l u v.com check it out and pull the trigger on your ticket. It's gonna be a tiny, intimate room. How many people, Lori? About 50.

50?

Yeah. 50.

That's it for a week.

Less than 10 spots left for a whole week. Getting that one on one, like collaborative training, it's gonna be amazing. So go check it out. Eventlove, that's E V E N T L U v dot com and grab one of those last few spots. Well, there's gonna be some people, Lori, that are starting events this year because of that. And that kind of fits into our theme of start, stop, face and embrace. So I have no idea what's going to come out, but I'll pose you. We'll go back and forth. I think it's only fair if we both answer this question and we'll go back and forth. You know, I'll say, okay, what are you going to start doing? What are you going to stop doing? What are you going to face? What are you going to brace so you can start thinking right now? Okay.

Yeah. Guys, I have not thought about this yet. So.

So it's going to be really interesting.

You know, we have this plan for next week that we are actually going to do this, but this will really start our.

We're going to do this on New Year's.

This is going to start our wheels right now. So it's perfect.

Most of the listeners know every single year on, we say no to every single party, every single invitation, every single everything. And just the two of us staying. We've been doing this for 10 years now. And we do activities like this to reflect on the year and to really plan out the next one to call our shot, to build that set of tracks to get there and just really step into the new year bonded and aligned in our goals. How important is that?

Really important. But right now all I'm thinking is who would it have to be for us to break that tradition? Because, like, would it be. Have to be like Beyonce, Jay Z?

I said no to a Diddy party, literally. Diddy's 50th birthday party the other night.

I know.

So it'd have to be somebody pretty like.

You said no to a Justin Bieber party.

I did. Two nights in a row. Oh, my God. Okay, there's a reflection of this year. Two nights in a row. You can't make this stuff up.

I just want to know why I'm not getting invited.

I said no to going to Justin Bieber's party the next night. I said no to going to Diddy's 50th that's wild.

I'm doing something wrong.

Hey, does that say something about our tribe really getting up leveled this year?

Really does, but yeah. So I guess we just won't break the tradition because here's the thing. I know the power of those couple days where we do planning, where we call it in, where we manifest and most of all, you know, we've added the last couple years was reflecting on what we did the year before and like really getting grateful and looking at the person that we became and all of like the scary things that we stepped into and said yes to. You know, I just realized today, and we'll get into this. But, like, I said yes to something that I had a moment where I was like, wait, do I know this? Should I speak on this? Do I know this topic very well? Do I? And I was like, oh, my God, are you gonna not say yes to this because you are afraid you're not smart enough? I was like, you're gonna get smart enough. So I said yes. And that's just how it has to be. It was just a reminder of, hey, don't forget about what actually works. Saying yes before you're ready.

It's amazing. I already know one of my answers of what I'm gonna stop doing. And it's gonna be, stop saying yes to the small things. But I don't wanna go there yet. I don't wanna spoil the surprise. But I do. People are probably right now, literally, like, why would he say no to going to Justin Bieber's party? Why would he say no to going to Diddy's 50th birthday party? I really think this is important for us to talk about real quick because for those out there that are struggling in relationship with their significant others, this is a perfect example of one night I knew you were not feeling well and it was better for me to stay home on the couch. I was tired. But you were. Remember, you were really sick and I wanted to be home with you and spend the time with you and nurse you back to health. And then the next night, I didn't want to stay out all night long. We were already at another party and I just wanted to have fun in that moment and then go home with you instead of go chase the shiny distracting thing that would have made me be out all night and feel like garbage the next day and sabotage the next few days.

And honestly, wasn't the party we were at so much fun with really close friends?

My cup was already filled up. I didn't go chase the shiny thing. So I share that example so that people out there maybe realize one of the keys of relationship or even just the keys of what you want to accomplish this year is know when something is shiny and know when something's a great opportunity and know when your loved one spending time with them is the best choice of them all.

Yeah, and that's such a cool thing to say because some people, it's like, here's the thing, if going to a party, whether it's that party or something else, or going to a networking event, but you don't yet have like a reason why it's going to help you, if it feels Like a distraction. If it's taking away from something currently, then truly yes, it is a distraction. Sometimes we get invited to things where we, we're not going to be connecting in the way that we could be connecting somewhere else. And just kind of, I'm trying to tell them like how to actually assess a good opportunity or not.

Yeah, well, not all good things are good for you.

Right? That's true.

That's one of the most game changing things I think I've realized is not all good things are good for me.

Exactly.

Okay, so let's get into this. Start, stop, face and embrace. I'm putting you on the spot in 2020. What is something you are going to start.

In 2020? I am going to start going to different networking events and to different events and connecting with people who are founders and who run. So I am completely shifting my focus of who I'm spending time with, what types of events I'm going to because I need to learn a new language and that is the language of running a business, of being a CEO, of being a founder. So I am going to start shifting all gears and that means right down to who I'm hanging around.

I gotta, so I gotta ask you because a lot of people are wondering right now, wait a minute, she has three seven figure businesses. What does she mean she needs to switch into CEO, switch into founder, learn how to run a business. She's already running a business at a high level, so clarify that for them.

I am going to a CPG product and that's consumer packaged goods for people. Consumer packaged goods. And that is completely different than what we've been doing. You know, I. First time I haven't had to learn how to raise money and I have to go in and I have to raise capital and I have to learn about business partners and I have to learn about running a big team of people.

I have to supply chains the whole nine yards.

I mean there's, there's, it's, it's endless and it's amazing and it's exciting. But I, I've. Everything up until now has been really about, you know, getting more, learning more about personal development, about running events, about helping other people with their businesses.

But do you realize all that's gonna translate into you running this company? Sure. You got some very big new things to learn. Yeah. And you're gonna have some hiccups. It's just gonna happen.

Of course.

But so much of that journey is gonna be easier because of your past experience that you've already exercised a lot of Those muscles.

I already feel that way. Because here's what's helping me right now is knowing that I'm not going to feel certain. Like, I. I think that's my superpower, is the awareness that uncertainty is inevitable. And it's always there and it's always lingering. And you'll figure it out.

Yep.

If I've learned one thing, it's that you'll figure it out. But you have to put yourself into the middle of uncertainty daily.

I love that. Okay, you wanna know what? I'm gonna start in 2020.

Yes.

I think this will surprise a lot of people. Not you, because, you know. But this. I've never said this out loud to any audience or anybody ever.

Lymphatic massage?

What's that exactly? No, I'm gonna start this January writing. I have a book that, you know about that I've been wanting to publish for, you know, more than a year.

Yeah.

And I'm finally gonna create the space and the intentionality behind writing it, getting out, and publishing it this year, guys.

It'S gonna be so good.

Wait, so I can start writing in 2020, and it's not that hard of a project. Right. I mean, I'm going to get some help. Our team is in place to make this happen.

Let's talk about why it's not that hard, though.

Okay.

Because you saw me do it in a much more challenging way.

Yes.

And so I just want to say, for people who have not written a book yet, you'll have to share what you're doing down the road. But I will say, for some people who have not written a book yet, yeah, that's.

It's.

It's a hard journey if you don't know about it. So you need to go and hang out with people who have written a book, because what we're doing is. We're talking about, like, what would I have done differently? And now that we have been through that journey, we can see so many things that were unnecessary and so many better practices. So, yeah, I think your experience is gonna be fricking beautiful. Cause technically, you've already done it once with me.

Well, this is one of the things that we teach some of the aspiring authors in our masterminds. Right. Is after going through the journey the way that we did, it was a success. But I now know how to sell twice as many books for half the budget.

Yes.

And that's the key right there. Think about that. Twice as many books for half the bud. You almost can't learn those things until you go through it yourself or. I don't think you can unless you're blessed that somebody shares the path. But even when someone shares the path, you ever notice how we just take the wrong path? Anyways.

Yeah. When I say you, I mean well. Yeah, you and me.

Thanks a lot.

We're so stubborn. Like you. You. You have to do it because you think you know.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

You have to learn.

All right, so shifting gears, where did it start? What are you going to stop in 2020?

I'm gonna stop. And I've been working on this. I'm gonna stop people pleasing and worrying about other people's. This is so crazy. This almost sounds crazy.

Because you were a people pleaser.

Because I've been working on it fiercely. Fiercely. But here's the thing is, like, even when I'm around people, though, I still feel like I want to people please, but I don't. But it's still. If the feeling is still there, even if you've stopped something, you're still actually mentally doing it. Just like you might have started taking weekends for the first time in your life, but you haven't really started taking weekends if you mentally are still stressed out and working in your head. So for me, I have physically stopped people pleasing to the point where I don't go up to people in different social settings or sometimes even in different group things that I'm running worrying about the person who I know, no matter where they go, is not gonna have a good time. I've shifted my focus from them because I know that I can't change that to either a having a good time or serving the people who I know are truly there to uplevel or enjoy their life. Like, even in social settings, I used to be like, oh, my God, you know, this person's not having fun or this family member's pouting in the corner. And all of my focus would go to that person. And now and I would go over and I'd be like, how can I make your experience better? And, oh, you know, are you having a good time? And I try to make them laugh, and my God, that's exhausting. And then it takes away from all of your fun. So even though I have physically stopped people. People pleasing in the last year, like, you've noticed, I haven't gone and done those things. I mentally am still worried. So this year, I am mentally stopping or mentally choosing to notice when I'm doing it and to keep continuing to show up in the practice of stopping worrying about people pleasing. Wow.

There's really two steps to stopping something, isn't there? There's the physical step where you're not literally doing it anymore, but you're still doing it mentally or struggling with it. And then there's the, the, the mental step where you're finally shedding yourself or detaching from that desire.

There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be.

One of them for you.

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I mean, isn't that the difference between and this is such a funny time to talk about it because it's the holidays and we're like drinking all of the time right now. But it's even like tearing off the band aid and stopping drinking. But then there comes an actual point where you know, cause you wanna stop the habit of like, oh my God, I have a new party every day. Or there's something social every single night. Or then you start leaning on having a glass of wine every night. There's the point where you stop and then there's the point where you actually are okay not having because you've committed enough time to being like, oh, I gotta focus my joy on something else. Other than this bottle of wine, which actually sounds amazing right now.

Should we go have wine windows?

I know.

I was like, do you wanna see Stop this podcast right now. We interrupt this podcast, start doing stuff.

I'm going to stop this podcast. I'm going to start opening a bottle of wine.

We're going to interrupt this podcast.

I'm going to face the wine glass, and I'm going to embrace the taste.

Oh, yes.

Okay. We better keep going. All right. What are you going to do? What am I going to stop? I'm going to stop saying yes to the small things that nickel and dimed my time. The small favors, the small appearances, the small opportunities. But this is what's tough. I don't even like calling them small, but I don't know word for it. I know, right? So here's what I want people to really understand what transcending feels like, and that's not always comfortable. And that sometimes you're choosing from the lesser of two evils, and that's just the way life is. So in 2019, I felt like I said yes to a lot of smaller podcasts because I was excited for the people. I know what it felt like to get started on one, and I wanted to support them. And that desire to support these beginners have not changed, except my schedule has changed, my responsibilities have changed, and something has to give. Here's another example. Speaking at people's events, like real small ones, or speaking for less than my speaking fee because I was excited about their event or because I wanted to support them. That hasn't changed. That desire hasn't changed, of course, except I literally, physically and mentally can't say yes in 2020 because I know what it's bringing. And so I either have to choose to keep saying yes to the small things or saying no to them. And it's going to hurt my heart. But there's no other way to protect my physical and mental health. Your mental health as I go into 2020. Because if 2019 was big, 2020 is insane. It might be the legendary year that you and I talk about the rest of our life. And I know what's coming up. I know that's struggling with this.

Well, I watched you break down, though, so I want to remind you of and everybody who's listening, if you are in breakdown because you are overwhelmed and you are busy, you are only in that spot because of what you said yes to. So you truly have to look at what you're saying yes to and know. Yeah, some people are going to call you an asshole. Some people are going to be like, you know what? I went to his blank and did this. And he's still not saying yes. Well, yeah, so did you know, and this is great. This is a beautiful spot to be. So did 100 or a thousand other people. And you know what? Your family wants to see you. And you can't give everything to everyone. So it's really about you setting a really powerful expectation and watching your words around expectation. And when I say you, I mean me too. And everyone who's listening, you guys, everyone who's listening needs to set up expectations in their business and in their life and in their relationships and then set up boundaries around it. And you have to know what you want. And if you need weekends or you need time with certain people or you want quality time with your best friends, certain things are going to have to go. People are going to be mad at you. People are going to be pissed. And they're going to get over it. And they're not just mad at you. Believe me, if anyone's going to get mad, they're going to get. That's how they are in their life with everyone.

Yeah. It's so funny. I'm sitting here as you're saying this thinking like, some people will hear this and say, but you're already doing well. Why do you need more? Why do you need bigger? Why do you need. And in other words, they're saying, why can't you just repeat what you did last year and be happy? And it's because I've got a calling to do something bigger, to reach more people. Because growth.

And I want to be super unapologetic about. Because growth. Because clearly when they, when they start stepping in to who they really are, they will understand this a million percent. So if someone doesn't understand, they have not yet stopped either betraying themselves or started showing up as themselves. And that is a really hard truth. But I actually hope that it gives somebody the strength and the power to be like, wow, it's okay to want to grow.

Yeah.

This isn't. I gotta be super honest. It's not even about wanting more physical.

Things, but wanting growth.

This is about, if I don't grow, I'm gonna die.

Yep. Because you are going one way or the other. There's no staying the same.

No.

There's no repeating last year.

Like, I'm completely aware that if I don't. If I don't make sure I hang around with people smarter than me. That's why they always talk about you. Know every great book talks about how you need mentors and how you need people who are bl. Below your level, at your level, and above your level. And all we're doing because we have amazing fricking people in our life who are at our level and we hang out with. We have people that we mentor all of the time. And then we also need to make sure that we are massively growing. Like, we can't serve the people who are coming into our stuff if we don't grow. Like, you actually stop. You get stagnant, and your people feel it. They're like, holy shit, you can't talk about this one more time? Like, we have a podcast. If we don't grow, we don't have.

A podcast because we got nothing new to talk about. Yeah, there you go. If you're listening because you think we're interesting, if we don't grow, we will become very uninteresting to you very, very quick.

Oh, I promise. I've had months where I'm like, holy shit. If I keep my listeners, I'm lucky.

That happens to me. I'm serious. There's times, like, I don't know what I'm gonna go up and.

Yeah. Like, I cannot talk about the same thing. And that's when I know I need to get a new book. I need to go hang out with some different people.

Yep. Amen. Okay, let's move on to face. We did start. We did stop. What are you gonna face in 2020?

I feel like I'm already starting. There's a few people in my life who I absolutely adore, but at the same time, I get really triggered, and I want to face tough conversations that are gonna make us better.

I wonder how many people are hearing this right now, wondering if it's them.

No, they know. They know. Because it's probably something where we have friction and we both feel it and we've already talked about it.

Isn't that funny that people go through life feeling friction, but they pretend it's not there? Is that asinine?

It's so asinine.

It's like feeling a sliver in your ass and doing nothing about it.

Yeah. And being like, oh, I. I see that we have a twin sliver in our asses. Why don't we take it out?

How would you end up with twin slivers in your asses?

Maybe we both slide along the same park bench.

Wow. Okay. So you're gonna start facing these tension points.

Yeah.

Tension with people that you love, probably because you wanna love Them more.

I want to love them more. I don't want to. I don't want to, like, worry about getting together and having there be, like, trigger points or tension. Like, there shouldn't be. If we could just talk about it.

Do you want to name all them on this podcast? Just kidding.

Yeah. Yes.

But I want people to understand what you just said. And that is, you want to face the tension parts that most people don't face because they're like, well, I don't want to bring it up. I love them. But you want to face it in order to love them more.

Yeah. Even if, you know, I'm thinking about just some family members, like, honestly, there's stuff with every family that, like, certain topics should just be avoided. Like, you're not going to agree, and you know that. So, like, agreeing to be like, hey, if this comes up, could we, like, just skip on it? Because we know somebody is gonna leave, you know, irritated.

Yeah, I like it. All right, what am I gonna face this year?

I've already had that conversation, by the way, like, with family members, and some of it's like, it's gone frickin amazing. I mean, it wasn't fun and the conversation wasn't fun, but now we can be like, hey, remember when we said X, Y and Z? And we just kind of drop it.

And go back to it as a reference point and squash it right away? So you'd advise people to have that conversation now? Love it.

Maybe not at Christmas.

All right. What I'm going to face in 2020, I'm going to face my health, my physical health. And what I mean by that is I'm 42, and I'm fortunate to look good, feel good, be ahead of the curve, as I would think. But this is the first year, if I'm being honest, that I have felt sore, physically sore, a lot. I know. My knees, my hips, my neck, a couple other things. Yeah. You wanna finish that song?

I don't remember the rest.

Okay. It gets vulgar. Just kidding. But this is the year that I felt sore a lot and that I. The first year that I kept saying, oh, I'll lose those five pounds next month. And I've spent the whole year about five pounds up from what I think is. Is really fit and healthy. And so I need to face my health because I'm 42 and I know that this is the point. This is that tipping point where the little things either compound in my favor or the little things compound out of control against me.

So how are you going to do that because I would like to support it because honestly I found someone else's £5.

So. So I think first and foremost I'm not going to stop networking at the furious pace that I do. But I'm going to just have to have less cocktails when I do because the cocktails lead to a little bit worse food choices. Right. Everything starts a small spiral out of control. So a couple extra cocktails leads to oh, I'll eat that big thing of fries right there or all the cheese and cracker board to the leads to.

Not processing fat as well either.

Yep. And then not getting good sleep.

Sleep because your stress hormone.

I had three and then my stress so I didn't get a lot of sleep. So I woke up the next day and I'm groggy and my stress hormone is up. And now that day I maybe give 80 on my workout because I'm complaining to Abe, my trainer about how I'm sore or dehydrated or this or that. Like do you see how it all just spirals out of control?

Like even like you're kind of crabbier around the house or like you feel not crabby but sometimes you feel short tempered. Which when you're handling, and we talked about this in bed the other night, like when you're handling as much as you are handling right now, you and I are handling like we actually can't be 20% less and our team can't see us 20% less consistently. And guess what? Networking is consistent for us.

Yep. Yeah, that part isn't going to change. So I have to change the way I do or that what I do when I'm doing it, it's the bottom line. I have to choose to change. Change.

Like it sucks because I already feel like we do so much for our health and I feel like we eat so damn healthy. Yet when you lead a fast paced life like this, you, you need to.

Go up to the amount of travel we do, the amount of events, the amount of speaking, the amount of standing.

Yeah.

The amount of exerting teaching energy. Yeah. The amount of our pace, our schedule. I've got no choice but to clean it up this year. I'm telling you, this is the tipping point year. Either you get gets way in my favor or gets way out of control. I literally, you know when you have intuition and it's like knock, knock, knock, this is the moment. Are you going left or are you going right? I know I've got to make that choice.

I've been having that too. Like you better Upgrade the operating system or it's going to break down. And we know it. I mean, I knew it because the last couple masterminds and this, the last year, last year's Bliss project, I felt, I loved, I love it. But I felt like I got hit by a bus. I. I didn't even. I wasn't working out during it. But you, anyone who does events or who's spoken for long periods of time on stage or for days on stage, like your body undergoes something I've never experienced. Like your joints hurt, you feel like you worked out for three days straight more than you've ever. Like, it's like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. Your self care has to go to a level of like. Like I don't even take baths and I have to take like baths and do aromatherapy and like, Like I can't. I don't even do that. Like I have to take care of myself and get massages and get IVs and I'm like, oh my God. Like that's what it takes to actually function at this level. But I love it. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But it is an eye opener because I can't get away with what I got away with before.

No, it's. I mean, common sense says as we get older, we can't get away with what we got away with before. So it's time to start making these good choices.

And you know what else I want to point out about? That we don't have a day to like be hungover or feel depressed. If I feel weak in my business, something big could happen where I'm, I'm like, oh, I'm not good enough. I'm a failure. See, I shouldn't go on. I need every ounce of confidence and I need every ounce of energy to show up in a way that can hold responsibility of a company that can be what I want it to be.

Yep, absolutely. Especially as you start this new one. Okay, we said we're going to do start, stop, face and embrace. So what are you going to embrace in 2020?

Okay, I'm going completely to the opposite spectrum of what we just said.

Oh, gosh.

But it's so perfect because I'm going to embrace when I fail at everything I just said, I'm gonna let it be okay.

And I'm gonna have grace.

I'm gonna have massive grace. And I'm gonna say that's a part of it too.

Where's that fine line, Lori? Where's that fine line? Between giving yourself grace and permission that you failed at these really healthy things that you said you're gonna do, or holding yourself accountable, saying, no, I'm building this into a habit. No, I'm making the tough but good choice. Like, where is that line?

I think it's when the healthy stuff doesn't feel healthy. Like, sometimes you hit this wall of taking such good care of yourself and being so rigid that all of a sudden you, like, are not having any fun. You could be that. Let me tell you. You. I. I've had the body. Like, I've done all of those things, and it took so much rigidity. Is that a word? Yeah, yeah, rigidity. That there was a point where it was like, oh, yeah, I've checked every box. Health is in check. Sleep is in check. Everything's great. But my social life, and not even social life, my feeling of connection is like, zero. So I think when comes to it, when you've hit the place of, like, health actually doesn't feel healthy, you need to know that you can also go. Go and enjoy yourself, like, whatever. Enjoying yourself doesn't mean you have to go to extremes. Like, maybe you just build in, you know, something for yourself. But, yeah, that's the first thing that came up for me. I'm sure there's a lot I'm going to accept. You know, I do want to add, like, I just want to accept that there's tough times in the world. I want to accept that the world is always on a roller coaster and I don't have to ride it. I want to accept emotions that I usually try to reject. So I think that's part of it, too.

I love it. All right, start, stop, face, and embrace. In 2020, I'm going to embrace this really crazy pace that I know that 2020 is about to bring. And here's what I mean by embrace it. So in the past, I would let a fast and furious pace make me crabby or irritable. You know, like, woe is me. Can't you see how busy I am? Can't you see how much I'm doing? And the problem with that is this. It made me feel like garbage. I mean, literally, like, choosing the perspective of, I'm over here suffering. So that makes me feel like garbage, and it makes the people around me feel like garbage when I'm in that mood, too. Can't you see how busy I am? Yeah, I don't literally say that, but, you know, they have that energy of that, and it's really just perspective. You see If I flip it and if I choose to know it's coming and to embrace it now, it's a welcome pace. It's really what our friend Christine Hassler talks about, an expectation hangover. Right. So my expectation hangover was I expected I was going to have free time, Expected I was going to have a more elegant pace I expected. And when it didn't happen, I acted like a baby and kicked and screamed. Joking, but kind of. Right. Whereas. Because if I choose to embrace the crazy pace that I know 2020 is about to bring now, it's expected and now that perspective is one of it's welcome. And it changes everything. How I see it, how I feel, the energy I emote from it. It's going to be the absolute game changer because I see it coming instead of expecting it to be the other way. And listen, no better time than now. No. Like, we don't have a kid yet. We have the team in place for it right now. We have. We got the dream team right now. Our team is finally at a place where we're hiring for where we're going, not for where we're at. We've got the contacts and the support systems in place for it. So if not now, when? If this is not the year that we embrace the crazy pace and it changes everything for good, once and for all, girl, then when are we gonna do it, Babe?

There are people much busier than us who you wouldn't even know.

Billionaires with five kids who you wouldn't.

Even know because they. That is what they expect from their life. And they don't talk about it. Like, it actually drives me bananas when I say, like, I'm busy, or when I hear you say how busy you are. Because I think what it does when I hear other people as well, like, what it says is, like, I'm so busy. Woe is me. Nobody could be as busy as me. And I'm just like, okay, that all needs to go. You chose it. So if you're busy and you're like, oh, my God, like, really, you are so lucky to be busy. And everything that you said yes to is on your plate because you said yes to it.

Yep. Well, I'm facing it and embracing it.

Yeah, I love that. I literally love it.

I throw one more question here real quick, really easy one. We talked this whole time about 2020. I want you to look back on 2019. Spur the moment. What are you most proud of? Or what did you do really, really well in 2019?

2019. I learned to say no.

Like a boss. I'm so jealous of your no muscle that you developed. I brag to people about it now.

I. And I hate this word, but I learned to put myself first more. And be selfish. It's not the right word. Just, I learned to put myself first more. I gave myself space by saying no. And by saying no and giving myself space, another amazing, beautiful dream was realized. And that would not have happened if I wouldn't have been patient with myself in the giving myself more space. And it's so funny because I say give myself space, yet I'm like, I was really busy this year, but nothing compared to the year before. Just in a different way. I don't know. I. Yeah, I'm proud of myself for how I said no.

I'm proud of you too. It really was inspiring to me.

How about you?

Something I'm most proud of or did really well in 2019, you know, I'm most proud of. And I actually did a podcast on this last week. I'm most proud of the tribe of men and. Or even men and women that I have put together in my life in this city of Los Angeles.

Yeah, you are.

So the way I connected the network I've created this year, I did that like a freaking legend.

You really did.

And I loved it. Loved it. I'm so grateful for my tribe right now. And so that's why, like, earlier when I said we've never had better contacts or more support in place. This is the year. This is the year. And it's because of the results of me being so intentional about creating what I really wanted in 2019. So I'm dang proud of that. And I did that so well.

How did you. How did you show up in the room? So that I will say something I've watched is epic. Human beings be attracted to you. And I can't say that that's always been the. You've always had great people in your life, but the level of people that you've attracted is totally different. And it's because you showed up different this year. What do you think was different?

It's a really good question on the spot. One, the intentionality. Oh, okay. A couple things are starting to come in. One, I was intentional about, like, this is a year I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna choose really good, high performing people because they're good people, not because they're shiny. So then I was automatically excited for each of these interactions as opposed to just doing it because maybe it was gonna be a good connection or something. Because you show up differently when you're excited about it.

Totally.

It's more authentic. Like all of a sudden you have a great energy connection.

Okay, that is huge. I hope everybody just got that. Because anytime I've ever been in a room where I was like, oh, I need to connect with a shiny person because they have this going on or that going on, it has failed me miserably. And when I've switched it to exactly what you said, just find awesome people. Everybody has value, and it makes you unearth the value and be totally blown away. It's crazy.

I think the second thing is I always talk about creating relationship capital, and that is constantly and intentionally thinking, what can I do for these people? What can I do for the. How can I help them? How can I solve a problem? Them? That I've been thinking that way for a few years now. And what we're seeing this year is the compounding effect of day in and day out waking up saying, how can I help these people? How can I solve a problem for them? How can I add value to them? Just playing the long game. And so now I've just literally become known for the person who has know, given and given and given without asking for anything in return.

Yep.

And so I think that is why I'm showing up in these rooms differently or why you're seeing these relationships. You know, I don't know. I can use your words, be attracted.

Yeah. A million percent I've watched you show up that way.

Then I think the third thing is I really realize my value this year. I've just.

That's huge.

I've got a whole next level confidence, a whole next level of achievement, a whole next level of like, damn it, I know what I'm good at. I'm not going to pretend to be good at anything that I'm not good at. And I'm going to lean into those strengths. I'm going to lean into that certainty. And if it's for you, awesome. We're going to jive. And if it's not for you, no problem. Next. I've got no attachment to an outcome having to be a certain way or someone having to like me. Oh, there it is. I just don't have this attachment to somebody having to like me or having to appreciate me or wanting to partner with me. Me. I already have enough of that in place. Where now it's just like, who's for me?

Totally.

Who's not? No problem. And I've really started to obey chemistry this year. Right. Like, if we have chemistry, I'll lean into it. If we don't, I'm done.

I want to. Doesn't matter who it is.

Yeah.

I don't care who it is.

I've had so many letdowns where I was like, oh, I'm so excited to collaborate. Oh, I'm so excited to meet this person. Oh, I'm so excited. And then the chemistry is not there. And you can't control. You can't manufacture chemistry. You can't explain chemistry. It's either there or it's not. And I've just started to listen to the chemistry, which has made life so much more comfortable.

Yeah.

As opposed to trying to manufacture something or keep something alive that's not there.

Oh, my God. Same, like, we've gone to dinners where I'm like, man, this could really. Like, everything on paper looks so good, but I just feel like I'm resuscitating something when I'm with this person. Not because of them, because you're trying to keep energy up and you just can't get it to happen. And, yeah, obeying it is just, like, so beautiful. Because it's a law. It's like, if it's not there, you're gonna struggle.

I love that. All right, how should we close this thing?

First, I wanna close it by saying, I just figured out why the wires are always knotted up on the headphones. Cause I just watched you just pick up the wire.

Oh, my God. I played with it the whole time.

I just watched you turn it into a little ball of chaos.

I didn't realize I'd do that.

I come up here and I'm like.

Why is this knotted up to a podcast? I must leave you with this old.

So that's one way we can tie it up. Literally. Cause it's tied up. The second way is to say, you know, all of those things that you just said about growth happened in loving yourself. Like, you truly, you learned to love who you are right in this last year. And I can say, as someone who is watching, not even from the sidelines, from on the field, it's because you put yourself in the fire so much over the last two years. Like, you have just. You wouldn't know your worth if you wouldn't have done things that make you step into your worth and call on your highest self.

Yeah.

Like, you've just had to get fierce with. Like, you've been in tough situations. You've had some people do some shitty things. And you know you have. The coolest thing is to Watch you stop in the middle when you're really pissed off and be like, okay, what's the most loving thing I can do right now? That's power.

That has been strong. I think I want to wrap it up this way. I want to say thank you. I mean, here we are at the end of the year, another great podcast year in the books. Another great year of accomplishments in the books. So I want to say thank you first and foremost, to every single person who's ever listened to an episode that means a lot. To anyone who's ever shared an episode, to anyone who's ever DMed me on Instagram with a compliment or a question, to every single person ever bought a Money Principles course or a mastermind or anything else that we've ever put out there. And to every single person who supported us. This is just a great time to say thank you to every single person, including. If this is in your ears right now, you're on that list. Because every download, every listener means a lot. And then I'd be an idiot if I didn't add you to that list. Thank you, Lori, for always leading by example and calling me out when I make a bad decision or when I'm not showing up the way I want to show up. And for taking us on some wild adventures that we've always had, this agreement to try everything on for size, and I try these things on for size, and they turn out to be a great fit, and it's something I'd never try on otherwise. So thank you for being the greatest freaking wife on the planet.

Well, thank you for being the most amazing husband, epic supporter, massive. Just you inspire me with how you connect to people, how you lead people, how you show up for people, how you don't stop giving to people. Sometimes I'm like, my God, stop. Just kidding. But for real, that's how generous you are. Sometimes I'm like, man, you gotta also make sure your cup is filled. But it's so inspiring to me the way that you just pour and pour and pour into people.

Well, this is a big thank you to everyone who's listening right now. And by the way, just like we started the show, if you have a podcast, if you have a fitness brand, if you have a online brand, if you have any kind of business whatsoever, if you identify as an entrepreneur and you're not doing events in 2020, you're going to be left behind. So go check out eventlove.com so we can teach you how to build your event, run your event, speak at your event, make sure it's a profitable event and fill your event face to face for five days straight. It's going to be intense. It's going to be awesome. It's not for everyone. It's just for the people that really want to blow up up doing events the right way in 2020, making them profitable. Check it out@eventlove.com that's E V E N T L U V.com event love luv.com all right everyone, thanks for listening and we will see you in the new year.

Bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so, so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey. Journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.