478. Joy of missing out and getting organized - with Tonya Dalton

Hi, everyone. I'm so happy you've tuned into the show. Whether you have listened before or you're brand new, I'm so grateful for you. You have no idea. And this episode is brought to you by my Become Aligned course. And podcasts are amazing. And I know that you know that because you guys all listen to them, and I do, too. And sometimes they are not necessarily enough because while we're listening, sometimes we're passively listening and we're not actively listening. So the reason that Chris and I. Chris is my husband. The reason we've created this course is because we get asked so many questions outside of the podcast on how we started living the life that we live now. A life of happiness, of abundance, of really understanding that life is always full of problems every single day, but there's always a solution. And how do we shift back into a mindset that's going to keep us happy, keep us together, keep us successful, and keep us in thriving relationships? And that is what our, our Become Aligned course is about. You guys, we cover everything from mindset to the rituals that we do every single day. We talk about different energy sources that's really gonna provide you with lasting energy. We talk about your purpose and what that actually means, what it is and how it's ever changing. We're gonna tap into your beliefs, we're gonna show you how to build a tribe to support where you're going. And we're definitely going to talk about wealth, abundance, money, all of the good things, and how to sustain all of this. Because while, like I said, POD are absolutely awesome, you don't necessarily sit down and actually write out a plan for yourself. Because as much as I can sit here and tell you on the podcast, what we do and how much, how many different people that I can interview, it's important that you actually learn how to apply these things in your own life. So if you've been listening for a while and you are ready to go deeper and you really want to get some direct training and be able to dive into your life and yourself and your mindset, this is the course for you. I don't know about you, but I absolutely have points in my life where I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes I hit walls where I don't necessarily feel happy anymore, and I haven't sat with myself long enough. I haven't really let myself think. I haven't written out how I actually feel. And so many people who took this course said that it was completely life changing and they revealed a lot of things about themselves, about them, about their. About their relationships that they weren't really looking at or they were avoiding. And it's about having those tough conversations, not only with other people, but really with yourself and knowing that you have the tools and the access to the tools. And we're going to teach you all of the tools that you need not only to move through things, but to actually thrive on the other side. So, you guys, I would love for you to join the aligned community. It's such a special group of human beings and you get lifetime time access. This is nine different modules where you're going to be working through each area of your life at your own pace. So you might need something on abundance, you might need more on, you know, money, you might need more on your purpose on your tribe. This is where you can really go deep on exactly what you need and make sure that you're not missing any of your blind spots. If you are feeling stuck or if you are wondering how everyone is doing it and how they're managing it all. This is a truly honest course about how to have a thriving life and manage and deal with all of the different problems that do come up in your life and understand that not everyone is going to support you and not everyone is for you and you are not for everyone. And that's okay. It's finding your people. It's forgiving yourself. It's creating a life of abundance and choosing your own purpose and your happiness. So, you guys, you can go to becomealigned.com that's becomealigned.com and you guys know that because you're listeners, I'm going to give you an awesome deal and an awesome discount and I cannot wait to see you in that community. And also let me know if you join because it is such an awesome, awesome community. And also I'm really proud of this course. Chris and I poured our heart and our soul into this. Everything that we've done, everything that we've learned, we've invested so much into ourself that this is everything that we have applied in our lives. And if you want to know how we've done it, we put it all on the table. We've put it all in this course. So if you want to know, go check it out@becealigned.com so let's get into the show.

Every time we say yes, we're saying no to something else. When we say yes to other people's passion projects, we're Saying no to our own. When we say yes to a volunteer opportunity that we don't really love, we're saying no to time on our goals or growing our business. Every single yes has a no hidden inside.

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go, foreign.

Welcome back to the show, friends. It is truly an honor to be here with you again. Thank you for tuning in to this show. I know that there are so many that you could be listening to right now and I am grateful to have people to talk to because otherwise I'd be talking to myself and it wouldn't be that different, I guess, from everyday life for me. So anyone else out there talk to themselves? Yes, it helps. So on my show today, I have a amazing woman and I really had one of those connections where I was like, okay, so glad we connected on the show. And how can I connect more with this human? Tanya Dalton is a productivity expert, author, speaker, and founder of Inkwell Press Productivity Co. It's a company that's centered around productivity tools and training. Can we all use some of these tools? My God, yes. She sent me a journal right after this. That is freaking awesome. She released her first book, the Joy of Missing out with Harper Collins in October. You guys, Jomo, it is so awesome. I love this book. Tanya's messages about business management, productivity and the pursuit of passion have impacted thousands and inspired her to launch her podcast, which is called the Productivity Paradox, which has surpassed more than a million downloads. Tanya has been featured on Real Simple Entrepreneur, Inc. Apartment Therapy, Lauren Conrad, love me some Lauren Conrad and Fast Company among other places. In 2019, she received the Enterprise Pricing Woman of the Year award and was named North Carolina's Female Entrepreneur to watch. So watch her, you guys. This podcast is so much fun and so clarifying and she's so awesome with organization and productivity that I know that you are going to get hacks out of this even if you are not a business owner or entrepreneur. This is definitely a podcast that can help with our everyday life. And you know, I have to tell you that Bliss Project is coming up and I need to see your rear end in a seat. It's very important that I finish that sentence or it would just be weird saying I need to see your rear end. So with that said, there is going to be a lot of love, hugs, humor, laughs and connection at the Bliss Project. You guys know that I make sure that everybody truly feels like they can put their guard down and connect through different exercises and different ways of. I'm going to teach connection from stage. So whether you're starting a business, whether you need your tribe, whether you just want to connect with other like minded people, this is going to be the place to fill your cup and meet your like minded tribe for 2020. Because truly, I can trace back every single success to my networking and connections. So if you're not in the room, you're gonna miss out on all of that. So Definitely go to theblissproject.info Please don't miss it. We are way over half sold out and I would love again to see your butt in a seat. All right, you guys, let's get into the podcast. Tanya, thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm so excited to have you on.

Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Okay, so you guys, you first of all, her and I literally had to say we have to stop talking so that I can hit record because she specializes in a topic that I'm truly just. I'm in love with.

The.

Just the dichotomy of the entire thought process of what has to happen in order to create more space in your life, have more room for the things that you love and also those seasons where you have to be out in the world. So Tanya, would you share a little bit just about, you know, maybe how you started doing what you're doing right now, now and what that is that you do.

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Yes, absolutely. So I started my company Inkwell press in about 2014. It wasn't my first company. I started my first company in about 2008, and I started with $50, you know, just as a side business. You know how that is. And I grew it to the point where my husband could quit working in corporate America and come work with me. And I loved working with him. It was fabulous that we got to work across the desk from each other, but I didn't love what I was doing. Didn't love it. Didn't feel like I was really making the impact I wanted. And so in about the fall of 2013, I looked at my husband and I said, I love you. I love working with you, but I don't love what I'm doing. And so I had to make this shift in my life and figure out what it was I really wanted to do. And that was pretty scary, because the company I had started, it paid our bills, it paid the mortgage, it fed our kids. Kids three meals a day. They do like to eat, and they do like to do things same. And so. Right. And so we made a decision as a family that we were gonna figure out what mom is really passionate about, and we're gonna. We're gonna go for it, and we're gonna really build a business around that.

So, real quick, did you, like, tell them. Did you say, we have to figure this out because mom's not happy? Or what did that conversation look like?

Yeah. Well, I'm a really big advocate for bringing your kids into your work sphere, to be honest with you. I know there's a lot of talk about really keeping those things separate, but I am truly an advocate for bring your kids into it. I really feel like when we role model for our daughters, what a woman looks like when she's working, we show her what women are capable of. And when we role model for our sons, what a woman looks like running a business, we show him what women are capable of. And I think it's so important to really bring them into those spheres, because we are a team. As a family. I like to refer to us as Team Dalton. We all work together to support and encourage each other. Every single member of the family that includes our smallest, littlest, tiniest members. We all come together. And so I've always, since the very beginning when I started my first business, really brought my kids in to, you know, help. Even if helping was, you know, stamping invoices that didn't really need stamped or, you know, helping to put tape on boxes and doing little things like that, really making them feel like they were a part of the business and part of the mission. Our family was really focused on, you know, working together to put forth good into the world. And so really, when we came to this realization that, you know, we're going to close up that first business, I mean, we were scraping our pennies together, we were making a decision as a family that we needed to pursue something that felt really good to us as a family as a whole. And so having that conversation with our kids, I feel like that was really important because I needed them to buy in as much as I needed my husband to buy in, as much as I needed myself, quite frankly, to buy in on this crazy idea. Because it did mean, you know, that we were not going out to eat anymore, we were not going out to movies, we were not, you know, doing a lot of the extra after school activities because we did need to, you know, pull together as a family and figure out how this is going to work. So, yeah, so through that process, I really discovered, you know, in sitting down and giving myself that space and room to think about what really is, you know, my purpose, I figured out there were three things I really honed in on. First of all, I really love working with women. I was doing a lot of small business coaching, showing them how they could grow their businesses. So I loved working with women, and I love teaching. I used to be a teacher. I feel like once you're a teacher, you're always a teacher. It's just there, whether you want it to be or not. And then I love productivity. That's what allowed me to scale a business to, you know, to the point where I could bring my husband on board in a year. With no business experience, not even a single business course in my history, I was able to do that because of productivity, really focusing in on what matters most. And so looking at those three things altogether that seem very unrelated, I created Inkwell Press, which was the thread that connected them. A productivity company focused on women with a very strong foundation in education and really helping them live their best lives. So while we had products, they always came with videos that walked you through not how to use the products, but. But how do you prioritize? What are the things that are most important to you? How do we structure our day so that we can really focus on what matters most? And so through that launch of Inkwell Press, I was able to grow this mission of mine to really help empower women through productivity. Through the podcast that I had, the courses, and then, of course, through the subsequent book that we just launched, the Joy of missing out.

Oh, my goodness. So just that word, actually, productivity gets me pretty excited because it feels powerful, and it does. It feels like if you're productive, then you. You know, I think that we have.

We.

We can almost get, like, an unhealthy relationship with it. Like, if I don't feel productive, I don't feel good about myself. But there's. There's actual productivity and then there's the kind of like, busyness. And I think that I. I'm so obsessed with the word because it does, to me mean that you are moving ahead and that you're feeling good in your vision's getting out into the world. But my God, that is probably the number one thing that I hear that people struggle with is not knowing where to start or what to do.

Yes. I like to say that overwhelm is not having too much to do. It's not knowing where to start.

Yes.

And truly, without presence, productivity can be confused with busyness. Right. We're checking a thousand things off our list, a thousand things that aren't necessarily important, not necessarily driving us to that ideal life. True productivity is not about doing more. It's doing what's most important. It's really. I like to say I get them in the door with productivity, and then they come in and I go, okay. It's really about intentional living. It's really about being purposeful and being mindful and really focusing in on the things that matter most in our lives.

All right, so you have this amazing book, which I have a question off of what we are, what we were just talking about. But I just want to bring in this book right away because it covers so much of everything that we are saying. So the Joy of Missing Out. Best title ever, Jomo.

Thank you.

What does that mean?

So to me, when you think about your ideal day, when you daydream while you're stirring your coffee in the morning, and you think about your ideal vision of what life could be like, there's a lot of amazing things in it. There's some incredible things, but there's also a lot of things that are missing. The feeling of being stretched too thin. That feeling of saying yes out of obligation instead of out of desire, the feeling of overwhelm, those are all missing. And I truly believe there is joy in our lives already in our daily lives that right now. But because of all the clutter and the noise in our everydays, we miss out on that and we. We don't get to see it. We need to take the time to choose to miss out on the busyness and instead focus in on these joyful pieces in our lives and really expand on those and allow them to grow.

Okay, so that is just the most amazing, delicious thing to hear that that's possible. But there's that part of us, and I'm speaking, you know, asking for a friend.

Yes, always asking for a friend. For sure.

I've got a very curious friend. She.

I do too. That's so funny. We must have the same friend.

I think so. So it's always about that recovering people pleaser, right? Like, oh my God, especially this time of year. So I know this will probably come out a little bit after the holidays, but you guys, it's like whether it's January 1st or whether it's the just the beginning of the holidays, like we have shoulds in our life, I should do this. I need to show up for that. What if they don't like me? If I don't keep showing up for these things, will they stop asking me to come to these parties? Although sometimes I'm like, if they did, wouldn't that be great? But you know, all of those things that we go to, like, it's almost like we, we just. I don't want to be the martyr of my life anymore because I'm like people pleasing myself to death. So how can we kind of start, I don't know, start getting a new mindset around. How do we say no in those moments when it feels really challenging and we worry about what people think?

Yeah, I think you're so right. We have to stop shooting on ourselves. Right. And there's always, there's always reasons that we should be shooting on ourselves. We're like, oh, it's the holidays. There's a lot going on. Oh, it's new Year, new you. There's so many things to do for my goals. Oh, it's back to school time. We can come up with a thousand excuses to continue to should on ourselves. And so really we want to take control over our day. And I know some people will be like, oh, I don't like that word control. But if you don't own your day, who does? Who owns your time? You are the one in charge of it. And I think that's the thing is we really want to take charge. We are so quick to put ourselves at the bottom of that people pleasing list. We will please everybody else at the expense of ourselves. And I like to remind people that, you know, yeah, that word yes feels so good when it crosses our lips. We're like yes. And then 10 seconds later we're like, what did I just say yes to? Why did I do that? But every time we say yes, we're saying no to something else. When we say yes to other people's passion projects, we're saying no to our own. When we say yes to a volunteer opportunity that we don't really love, we're saying no to time on our goals or growing our business. Every single yes has a no hidden inside. And so in the book, I actually have a finding your yes blueprint. Because it's not just about saying no, it's about finding your yes. Finding the yeses that are designed and meant for you and the life that you want, the path that you want to create to get to that life you want. There are yeses that need to happen on that path. So how do we discover that? Well. Well, the problem is, a lot of times when we get asked to do things, when opportunities come, we feel like, oh, opportunity only knocks once. So we open the door again and again and again, whether it's really our opportunity or not. And then we say yes. Because you know What? I've got 15 minutes, so sure, I can take on this 45 minute task. I can do that, right? We have to stop feeling like just because we have the time it has to be a yes. Or just because we're good at something doesn't mean it has to be a yes. Really. The thing I like to start with when we're figuring out our yeses is let's filter it through our North Star, which is your mission, your vision, your core values, where you want to go, how you want to get there, what it is that you are really wanting to do. And if it doesn't fulfill that North Star, that vision of your ideal life, it needs to be a no. It needs to. It's not about whether you have the time, it's whether it fits that ideal life that we're really shooting for. And is it going to help us get closer to that? And does it feel good to you? Does this fill your soul or does it fill your calendar? We're really looking to fill our souls, aren't we? And so I think it's really important for us to say yes to the things that feel like absolute positive yeses, instead of like, sure, I can do that. That's a no right there. That is an absolute no. We want our yeses to feel like the wind at our backs, to give us that push forward, to drive us closer to our goals, to drive us closer to that North Star that we're really shooting for.

Oh man.

So that's. I think it's so important.

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Oh, it's so good. So I wanna, before we go into. Because honestly just the sections in your book feel there's something so great about when you see steps laid out that make me feel so excited.

Just like this. This is why I like you. I think. I think we get along really well because I love having those steps laid out. Right.

Oh well, I didn't have them for years and. And I would always wonder why I felt so over overwhelmed. And I'm so, I'm a huge creative. I'm a Sagittarius, I'm an idea machine. So I'm very in and you know, I'm very like up in the clouds. Like I'm always wanting to, you know, have these ideas and go and do all the things and at the same time, when I don't have somebody around me or the plan or structure to ground it, then I get really, really frustrated, you know, to a place where I don't do anything because my frustration is so completely what we talked about, right? Like where do we begin? So before I ask that, because I think there's even some stuff coming up in my life where I like to even think that I have a lot of this down and I have a lot of it not down still.

We all do. We are all works in progress, my friend. We are all works in progress.

Like, oh, I got this area. Totally don't have that one. I'm really getting clear this year on I as far as, even before I can really get even more clear on some of these steps, you know, for my business and other things that I want to get out into the world like a new business that I'm doing. I'm finding that I'm having to get even more clear like the second layer of relationships in my life that I'm like, oh man, I'm realizing that I have an inner circle and then I'm having people that are more pulling at me that are definitely not people that I see in my long term future, but they might think they are. And I think that everybody has this. So is that a conversation? Because that's definitely something that I know even before a lot of us can implement steps we're like. But I have an overwhelming number of people, it feels like kind of, you know, pulling at you that aren't in your inner circle.

I think that's so true. I think that's true of so many of us. I'm. I'm experiencing this right now with my daughter doing volleyball, of all things, right? Where there's, I'm sorry, mandatory parent meetings and certain mandatory volunteer things. And they're like. Like, you know, at one point, the director of the volleyball association said, well, this needs to be a priority for you. And I have a real hard time with somebody else telling you what my priorities should be, right? But people do. They come in and they impose on us all the time. And I think this is why it's so important to really stake our boundaries. I think it's really important to figure out who is your inner circle, who are the people who really do help you grow. And sometimes that is the. Them pushing us, right? It's sometimes it's them picking us up when we're falling down, and sometimes it's people who are giving us that push, pushing us out of our comfort zone, who really do help us grow. And then we have those people who are like the emotional vampires who kind of suck all of the joy. And they, you know, they're telling us what our priorities need to be, which, by the way, are not our priorities. By the way, my daughter's volleyball is not my priority. That's maybe hers, but not mine. And so, really, I think what's so important to realize is we can have boundaries, but we have to communicate them. So often when we allow people to invade those sacred spaces, when, you know, they're invading our spaces, that we feel like, I really want this for my inner circle. It's because we need to set our boundaries and we need to communicate it. And I think that's really important to make sure that we are clearly communicating these things. And I think it's okay to have people who are trying to get in your inner circle that you can have conversations with that are just like, you know what? This is not a good time right now. I don't really have, you know, the bandwidth to do these things that you're wanting me to do. I think we have to really separate the request a lot of times from the relationship, and I think we get really tied into that. Well, I don't know. I really like this person, and they're wanting me to do this for them, or, you know, and we get pulled in all these different ways, and we have to remember what we just talked about. Every time we're saying yes, we're saying no to something else. So every time we're saying yes to time with people who are not really fulfilling to our lives or to our North Star or to who we really want to be or who are not helping us, you know, develop into those people that we want to be. We're saying no to spending time with the people who are doing that for us or that we are doing for them as well. This reciprocal relationship is so important. And so I think that's why it's so important to really set your boundaries, even if it's just for yourself. Like, you know what? I'm really going to make sure that this time is spent specifically for family or this time is specifically for friends who are really, truly part of my inner circle. And then we have to feel okay saying no to the other people. And we go through, in the book and we talk about a strategy for how do you say no? How do you say no and make it so it still feels good? Because I think that's why we have. Have such a hard time saying no, because we feel guilty, right? We feel guilty, we feel bad. We're like, oh. But we want to say yes because it makes them feel good, even if it doesn't make us feel good. So we go through a strategy I call the sandwich strategy that really makes it easier to be able to give our nos and for them to receive the no. And so we walk through that. We can talk about that now if you want, or we can say, you know, read that in the book.

Definitely, let's talk about that. Because that is the one thing, you know, I just. We had a. An event just this past weekend, and one of the biggest questions out of it was just like, they. I think the feeling of, but what happens after you say no? And it just like. It's almost like they, you know, they. We feel caught in this. This cycle of, you know, when I say no, I either have to make peace with this horrible feeling of saying no. And they dwell on the thought of, like, oh, God, now they don't like me and whatever that is. So they'd rather just say yes and feel that resentment. And I'm like, this is so interesting, so let's do that.

Yeah. And so unhealthy, really, when you think about it. Because when we say yes to things and then we resent it, we're not fully, first of all, giving our best selves to whatever it is we're saying yes to, because we're resentful and we're not enjoying it, and we're taking away time from the things that do bring us joy, that do bring us contentment and really do Help us be our fullest selves. And when we are our fullest selves, we're better able to give ourselves to everybody else. We have to stop thinking that saying no is selfish. It's an opportunity to be selfless. It's an opportunity to pour ourselves more fully into the things, the causes, the things in our lives that really do matter to us and to really make an impact and a difference. And I think when you start to think of it in terms of that, it really does help. But the strategy I talk about about saying no is really a very simple strategy. You've probably heard it talked about when you're dealing with employees and reviews and those kinds of things. But the sandwich strategy is essentially, you know, imagine a sandwich, two slices of bread with some sort of filling in the middle, right? So the meat in the middle is our no. We want to make sure our no is really clear and really obvious because we don't want to over apologize. We don't want to feel bad. We don't want to, you know, get suckered somehow back into saying yes. We want that no centered right there in the middle. And then we sandwich it with two slices of kindness. So, you know, let's say it's an opportunity to be on, you know, to head up a committee. You can easily start with something nice like, oh, I love that you're pulling together a group of people for this cause. I think it is so worthwhile. While I would love to be a part of it, I just can't give it the time it deserves. There's our no right there. But I am really excited for you, and I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines. So you see how we started with kindness, we ended with kindness. And there in the middle was that solid no. And my favorite thing was saying I can't give it the time it deserves is, I'm not saying I'm busy. I'm not elevating myself. I'm not saying your thing is not important. In fact, I'm saying I can see this is important to you, but I'm not going to be able to give it as much of me as it demands, as it needs, as it deserves. And so it's a much easier way to say no. So starting with that kindness and ending with a kindness makes it that little bitter pill of that no so much easier to swallow. It's our little spoonful of sugar right there, right? We want it to feel good to ask. We want it to feel good to them. We want to walk away and Feel like, okay, that was a good interaction, but I still said no.

You could send that feeling really confident, like, okay, there's so much love there. And that if you choose to translate this differently, then that sometimes is powerful for me as well. That if I read an email that I'm about to send and I'm like, there is so much love here, that if you choose to translate this differently, then I actually don't think I want this person in my life.

Yes, so true. I think, you know, all we can do is give our positivity, right. And say things in a nice positive way. And if people are not going to receive it that way, they're not really people who are going to be helping you. They're not really going to be people that you want in your life because those are going to be those emotional vampires we were just talking about. We want to really surround ourselves with people who are going to cheer us on, who are going to support us, who we want to cheer on, who we want to support. Right. And so I think that's a really important thing to realize is that, that truly people who care about you, who love you, who you know, are interested in helping you become your best self as much as you are in them, they're going to take that no and they're not going to be insulted. They're going to say, okay, I understand. You know, I think automatically our heads go to this worst case scenario of I told her no, therefore she now hates me, you know, and there's, there's a whole middle ground there, you know? Yes. She might be a little disappointed. She might have thought you'd be the perfect person for the job. That doesn't mean you have to say yes. Just because you're good at something doesn't mean it has to be a yes. You know, just because you have the time doesn't mean it's a yes. It needs to be your yes. And that's truly the bottom line.

I love that. It's so funny. I had, you know, I, I am always trying to get different people on this podcast and I, one of my dream guests was Marie Forleo and I had emailed and emailed and emailed and the more, like, the more emails I sent, the more no's I got and the. I got so creative. Like, I'm not kidding you, I like made up a wrap for one. Cause I know she loves hip hop. So I had like sent this email that was like in rap form and the, you know, the person sent me back something that was so cute as well. And I was like, this has now become. Instead of me getting upset, I started looking at every email back as a way for me to learn how to say no creatively. And I was like, this is so fun. Like, they. I literally saved all of them. And it was the best teacher that I've ever had for learning to say no in a loving way. So I think that, you know, instead of being like, ugh, you know, this person doesn't have any time for me or. Or whatever that looks like, I was like, this is so awesome. I love that she's teaching me how to have such beautiful boundaries while having so much love. So it's just kind of a funny.

Way to look at it that. Yeah, I mean, I really love how you're looking at that because you're not looking at that and then immediately assuming, well, this means she doesn't like me or she doesn't think I'm good enough or I'm not big enough or whatever. You know, whatever that story is that we're going to tell ourselves, every opportunity is an opportunity to learn from. Right. So whether that's a no or whether it is somebody getting upset or frustrated with. With you, that's an opportunity for us to learn. We're able to learn what we do want to do and also what we don't want to do. Both are equally powerful.

All right, so getting into. You have section one of your book that says pursue discovery, like purpose. Talking about, you know, I think some people aren't even. They're overwhelmed, but they don't have this driver to necessarily make themselves get. Get unbusy, to even hear the purpose coming through. I know this was even me last year. Like, I got so busy that I. I even thought I was in my purpose, but I was waking up feeling a bit depressed and hopeless every day. Even though from the outside looking in, people would have never guessed that in a million years. I was on book tour, I was doing all of these things, but I was staying so busy that I was never allowing a new kind of purpose to come through. So whether it's a new purpose or whether it's a purpose that has to come through at all, how can we start looking at. At our days? As in, if I'm feeling a certain way, this is something I need to do. And what is that thing that we need to do?

Yes, I love this question because I think that's so true. I think we forget sometimes to take stock in how we feel. We forget to just give ourselves a little bit of that breathing room to really reflect and see how are we feeling. And so one of my favorite activities I call the five minute download. It's really a powerful exercise. I think that truly has been double my productivity. And I do it at the end of every day. It's kind of part of my closing out the workday, I like to say, closing that work door, that compartment, and then opening up my home door. So that way when I'm in my home mode, I'm really giving my family, I'm giving my kids, I'm giving my husband my very best version of me instead of thinking about work. And so let's just kind of walk through that and I'll show you. It's really simple to do. It's essentially, it's five minutes. So each minute there's a little quick one minute activity. So the first thing we do is we sit down and we assess, like, what did I get accomplished today? I think we are really, really, really quick to dismiss all the good that we've done in the day and we're really quick to remember all the bad, all the things we did wrong. So taking one minute to just do a quick assessment, how did I feel today about what I accomplished? And then the next minute is spent. How did I feel about my stress? Did I feel like I accomplished a lot today? Did I feel, you know, how did I feel about my health? How did I feel about how much I piled on my plate? And oftentimes, if you're seeing, you know what, I'm piling a lot on my plate every single day, it's time to really assess how much we're putting on that plate. Because there's nothing more defeating than not really feeling like you've accomplished enough. So that's minute two. Minute three is spent working on what's one thing, one small step, one big step, one medium step, just one steps that I made today towards a goal. Every day, if you do one tiny movement towards a goal, you're going to get there. You're going to get there faster than you ever thought. Because we often think it's the big steps, but it's the little steps one after another, each and every day. So minute three is focusing on your goals. Minute four is spent focusing on your gratitude. What are three things I'm grateful for today? It's always good to end with that win. And then minute five is, what is it that I really want to get accomplished tomorrow? I'm not planning my day for the next day. I'm just getting those things out of my head onto the paper so that I can go home and I can really focus on my family. I take that sheet of paper, I leave it on my desk because I spend my first 10 minutes of every day planning out my day. So that's my springboard for the morning. It gives me my sense of accomplishment of what I got done the day before. The things I'm grateful for reminds me about how I felt, how am I feeling? You know, that minute that we're spending, really reflecting on how did I feel about my stress and how did I feel about my day? That's really powerful. You know, if we're ending our days with, you know, on a 1 to 10 scale, rating our days on a regular basis at 7 or below, that's too low. That is way too low. We should be 8, 9, 10 on a regular basis. If we're really aligned with what we really want to do in our lives, we're going to feel good. We're going to have off days, we're going to have some days that are threes, let's be honest, because you know, what life, you know, gonna happen. But we should be regularly really feeling good about our days. And if we're not feeling good about it, what do we need to do? What do we need to shift? What do we need to rearrange? What do we need to change? Is it something small, like just changing, you know, the amount of things we're putting on our list to do? Is it, you know, really the big things? Is it that I'm really not doing something that aligns with who I really want to be in my life? And I think, truly, because we're so busy, because we, we keep ourselves running and going, we don't give ourselves the white space, we don't give ourselves that inhale so we can exhale. We don't really give ourselves the time to reflect and review and decide, am I on the right path or do I need to change my path altogether? And I think when we give ourselves that space, it is really incredibly powerful.

Oh, man, I love that because this is the year where I used to talk about, oh, you need space and you need this and that. And I'm, I'm. I'm giving myself permission this year to realize that I may need more space than what I hear is normal. And that is okay.

Like, there will be times in my life okay. Yes.

And I don't even know who I'm comparing it to. I think I have a general, like, idea of what I think is out there. Amongst my peers. And I'm like, you know, for me to be as productive as I want, I think I require more time and, like, making peace with that. Like, making peace with the fact that I might have to say no even more than other people. And if I'm happy with that, like, that's what I'm. I'm making peace with that decision right now. So how does someone even come to that place of, like, you know, making peace with what is needed in order to even do that thing?

I think a lot of it is, too. I love what you said there about, you know, I don't even know who I'm comparing it with or what is normal. But. But we have these ideas in our head of, you know, what we're demanding or what we're wanting in our lives is somehow different than everybody else. And that different means it's wrong, and it's not wrong. We're all different from each other. And that is a fabulous, wonderful thing I like to tell my kids, that's what makes the world go round, is that we're all different. We all have different needs, we all have different things that we want, different desires. And so I think it's okay when you start to realize that when we're filling our day, we don't really give ourselves that space for the. Because I like to say the white space is where your ideals, your innovations and your inventions, all of those things, live in that white space. You know, this is why your best ideas happen to you while you're in the shower, while you're driving on your commute, because it doesn't require a lot of thinking. Your brain is continuing to think. Your brain is continuing to move, you know, along this line of what it's working on, on this project or this idea. But when you give it the white space, it stops filtering. It stops filtering out all the other ideas. You know, I think your brain is inundated with. I think it's like 11 million bits of information every second, but it can only process 40. So we do a ton of filtering. And when we don't give ourselves that space to really allow our brains to run unfiltered, we feel like, oh, we don't have any good ideas and we're just running, running, running, and we're wearing ourselves out. So we have to come to peace with it because it really does make a huge difference. And I think a lot of that comes from, you know, really taking the time to assess. How are you feeling if you're not feeling like you're Creative. You do need more white space. If you feel like you're not really being innovative, you do need more white space, and that is absolutely okay. I think we struggle with white space because we feel like we're supposed to be doing all the time, and. And if. If we are not busy, we worry that we are somehow failing. Have you ever had that where you're like, oh, my Gosh, I have 10 minutes to myself. What did I do wrong? You know, we automatically assume something has gone awry, that we have time for ourselves. And so it's this idea, and I think we look around and everyone else is running around, you know, like a hamster on a wheel. And we think we need to join them when really, let's just hop off that wheel. We can watch them run as fast as they'd like, but they're not moving anywhere. So we really have to come to peace with that ourselves. And I think I really do truly believe in the power of reflection. Really. Looking back, and especially, you know, when you're thinking about, you know, your ideal life, when you're thinking about your goals, I think that reflection process can sometimes be a little bit painful because there's things that we'd really just rather sweep underneath the bed, right? Kind of like how I cleaned my room when I was 10 years old, right? We just shoved it underneath the bed so it didn't show. But to be honest with you, if we're seeing pain points in our past, if we're looking at the past year and we're thinking, I'm not really happy with how I did X, Y, and Z, I feel really, you know, I feel like I didn't do a good job on this. I don't feel like I. Those are areas that we want to grow into. If we were not happy with them, it's for a reason. It's tied to something that's important to us, and so that gives us great information on where we want to lean in the coming time. And so a lot of times that comes from having that white space.

Oh, it's so interesting. I'm so. I'm in a. I. I have been doing some, like, serious work on this over the past probably, I don't know, probably three, four months where it's been really, really, like, fiercely saying no to things if they're not, like a hell yes for me. And it's starting to show up in my schedule as, like, a little extra time here and a little extra time there. Even though I am working on something new. It's like Giving me this extra. And I'm watching as this is definitely my husband's year of saying yes to everything. So he is extremely busy. And I'm watching how, you know, kind of his stories intertwining with my story. And you know, he's kind of like saying little things without realizing it. Don't get me wrong, we talk about this all the time, so it's nothing that he hasn't heard. But he'll say little things to me that he doesn't realize that he's saying. Like, yeah, well, you know, I'm. I'm busy. What are you doing? Like, just little things like that when he's like, in his chaos.

Things we say in our marriage. Right?

Totally. Like, they'll be like little people we.

Love most, for sure.

So there'll be tiny stabs that he doesn't even mean to do. But he's so almost like frustrated or like upset that how can I have a free schedule right now? And he's so busy and it will make me feel like, oh, my God, I'm not. I like, feel I will not be like, I will be worthless to him if I'm not as busy or I'm not contributing as much. And I'm watching how I am, like, allowing, you know, like observing and not getting caught in that story. So what part of, you know, our story do we need to make sure? Like, how. How do you make complete peace around not getting caught in even your loved ones stories? Like, even with your daughter's, you know, volleyball and not making that, you know, not taking that on just because you have extra space and you feel bad.

Yeah, that's such a good question. Because I feel like you do, like, with. Okay, with her volleyball, it's like, oh, am I a bad mom is that? You know, that becomes the story. And you know, we talk about this in the book. This, these ideas of these stories that we tell ourselves. A good mom always does X, A good wife never does, you know, Y or Z or, you know, these things that are steeped in these absolutes that truly are unachievable. But we hold ourselves up to this incredibly high standard that nobody else could possibly live up to and we would never expect from anybody else. Right. And so it is hard, especially, you know, if your husband is in a season where he is saying yes to a lot of things. It is really hard. And a lot of that frustration he's expressing to you is just frustration with his own busyness. Right. He doesn't mean anything by it by any stretch. It's just him feeling frustrated. And so. But it can make you feel guilty, like, maybe I'm not doing enough as a good wife. Maybe I'm not doing enough is right. All those things. And so it really is. It builds into this idea of we have to be confident when we're, you know, when we're standing tall to what we want and when we're standing true to the life that we really are wanting. And for you, that is more white space because that makes you, you know, a better, A better person, a better business owner, a better, you know, ah, so much more breathing room. Right? Because I think it's so important that we recognize that. But when we are standing tall, it does require confidence. You know, Oprah Winfrey talks about this a lot, that you're not gonna be able to be brave and true in this life and not expect people to knock you down from time to time, even without meaning to even the people who love us. And so it really is this idea of if you are doing things that are aligned with your purpose, if you are doing things that are aligned with the life you are truly wanting, you have to keep that in mind. You have to keep your eye on the prize. And remember, I am giving my space because I want to. Whatever it is you're wanting to do. So for you, right now you're working on a new program. And so the thing you should be saying to yourself is, I'm giving myself the space because I want to innovate more for this new program I'm creating, or I want to be able to have the space to give my best self to the students who are going to be taking my course or whatever it is. I really like to remind people that when you know your why, you gotta lean into it. It's not enough to say it one time. You have to. It's. It's your crutch from time to time to remind you why you're doing the things you're doing. And when you do get knocked. Knocked down, when somebody says something to you, like, I can't believe that you're not taking the volleyball referee course, you can volunteer. I'm like, hell, no, I'm not. I'm like, I'm not doing that. Because. Because right now I am leaning into the process of getting this book out into the world. Because for me, getting this book into the hands of women to help them affect a change in their own lives, that is the top priority for me, and that is my why. So I'm able to say no to you. Because that doesn't fulfill my why. That doesn't give me the space to really create the impact I am wanting. So lean on that why. Rest on that why. Make that why such an important part of your day. And I tell people, like, write it down, put it on post it notes, put it next to your desk, put it on your computer. Because there's going to be times where you're going to question, like, maybe I should say no to this, or maybe I should say yes. Maybe I should write lean on that why? Does it answer your why? And if it doesn't, then you need to let it go. You need to let it go. You got to stop holding on to all that negative energy and just let it go.

It's literally kind of what my brain has been doing. I'm like, you know, this is. I'm just. Just such a. I can kind of let it fall away because I'm just so much happier already.

Yes. Like, I know it makes such a difference better feeling happy, right? Like, when you feel content with the work you're doing, it's so much easier to stand tall and to stand true.

I'm watching my. Just for everybody listening. Like, me being happier has completely even changed the way my team shows up. It's out of control, like, amazing how small shifts in yourself and just your energy that you show up with, with. Even if it feels like I'm doing less, I. I'm getting more done, even through my team, because of how they're showing up. Because I think that we set the tone right in our household. Like, we set the tone in our teams. We set the tone in the work that we're doing. So this is such an important message. So talking about finding clarity, because clarity is so incredibly powerful. You know, there have been many times in my life where I couldn't tell you why I was doing what I was doing or where I was going next. It was kind of like I was just reacting to my life. And as much as I would like to lie and say I did know where I was going and, you know, I was telling other people they should know where they were going, I. I can honestly say, like, I don't think I ever took the time to gain what real clarity feels like. And there will definitely be times when I don't have that again. Right. So what does this look like? Like, how often should we be checking in with a setup of. Is it tools that help us get clear? Is it something we can do? Like, quarterly? Is it yearly? What is that?

Well, I truly believe first of all, in really taking time each day to process each day as it comes. So you're spending the first, you know, five, 10 minutes of your day really deciding what will help me feel good at the end of the day. You know, there's far too many times where we are running the day ragged and we're checking a million things off our to do list. We're slipping into bed at night, though, and we're thinking, oh, I didn't get enough done. Why didn't I do more, even though we were busy all day long? Well, when you have a day that's really set with clarity, when you really decide where you want to go each and every single day, that clarity becomes almost second nature and it becomes easier to get to where we're wanting to go, to that ideal life. So one of the things I talk about is you got to get rid of your to do list. Your to do list is absolutely working against you. You. It's too long. You know, I think LinkedIn did a survey and they found that only 11% of people finish their to do list in a day. 89% of people are slipping into bed at night going, oh, my God, my to do list isn't done right. That's. That's a lot of people. So it's too long, it's unorganized, and it's not really giving you a good place to start. And as I mentioned, overwhelm isn't having too much to do. It's not knowing where to start. So instead, make a priority list. And I like to tell people a priority list is essentially a to do list with intention. It's a really clarified to do list. It takes the exact same amount to do, but it just takes a tiny bit more thought. So really figuring out what are the most important tasks of your day and really ranking them, and we go through a process. There's three tiers to your priority. Escalate, cultivate and accommodate. And starting with those tasks at the very top that are important and also urgent, those are our escalated tasks. We want to tackle those first. They're important because they're tied to our goals. They're linked to our North Star. They're things that are advantageous. Right? They're things that are really going to help drive us forward towards our goals, towards that life we want. Now, that's the very top. We want to start with things that are urgent, so they really need to be done quickly, but they're also important. And then next on our priority list are things that need to Be cultivated. These are things that are important and that they're driving us towards the life we want, but they're not really urgent. Here's the trick. These are the things that normally get pushed aside because they're not an urgent fire, because there's not like pings and beeps and, you know, all that kind of stuff going on alerting you to it. This is the area where you're going to see the most personal growth, the most professional growth. These are things like, you know, creating a budget for your marketing plan, working on that course or working on that program that's not going to be, you know, rolled out for another five months. You really can innovate and you can really lean into making it the best version of whatever it is you're doing. And then at the very bottom of our priority list is our accommodate tasks. And those are things that are urgent. They're not really important. So they're not really driving us towards our goals and towards our ideal life. Life. Now, if you have your list separated like this with the very top or the things that are escalate and then cultivated and then accommodated at the bottom, you start at your top and you work your way down. That's clarity right there. Because you are working on the important tasks, I think. So often we get caught up in the idea of it's all about quantity. We want to check 50 things off our list. But if you take 50 steps in 50 different directions where you can end up up, who knows, right? You might end up in the same spot, maybe even further behind, but if you instead choose to take five steps, five steps instead of 50, but five clear, consistent steps in the same direction towards your goals or towards that life. You want five steps in one forward motion. Where are you going to end up? Closer to where you want to go. We have to stop getting caught up in quantity, really focus in on the quality. And really having a priority list instead of a to do list allows you to really do that. It allows you to get that important work done, get those steps forward that when you do slip into bed at night, you think to yourself, oh, I got some good things done today. I mean, when was the last time you slipped into bed and went, you know what, Good job today, you did really well, right? Not often enough. We are so busy beating ourselves up. But if you, instead of doing your to do list, focus in on your priority list. And that's what I do every day. I spend the first 5, 10 minutes focusing on my priority list, putting my things in order so I Know where I want to start, what I want to work on next. And I create a day that's got direction, and that is huge. Having a day with direction makes all the difference.

Oh, that's one of my. This is one of my biggest things that I'm working on right now. And it's always so funny how the universe provides me with the perfect person to talk to. So thank you. But really, I've never. I know it sounds so crazy, but I've never thought of planning my day that morning. I always feel like I have to plan it that week or, like, you know, that Sunday night. And sometimes it's like, I'll plan that Sunday, and then, to be honest with you, I kind of like. Because I don't check in with what I was gonna do, or I have this idea of I know what I'm gonna get done that week, but my list is way too long. And then I end up. I do get a lot done, but it's not necessarily all of the things that are the biggest needle movers. So just looking at the day every single morning and doing that, I've got a really great morning routine, but it does not include that. So thank you.

It's like, yes, absolutely.

It's so simple, but it's not. You just forget, like, oh, this morning, I am going to decide what my top three priorities are or top two, or whatever.

Well, you know what life needs? Life needs flexibility. Life needs to allow for the ebb and flow of our everyday lives. Some days are amazing and incredible, and we get so much stuff done, and some days, they're just not. Some days they're just. You know, some days are just a terrible Tuesday, and you just don't get as much done. Yeah. And what happens is, if we schedule our week on Sunday and we schedule what we're doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Tuesday was a. Was a rough patch. We're waking up Wednesday morning, and we're already behind.

Yes.

We're behind the eight ball. We already feel like we failed because we still got Tuesday's tests and Wednesday's test. Yeah. So then we wake up Thursday morning behind and Friday morning behind. That's not how we want to wake up. We want to wake up feeling like we can own our day. We want to wake up feeling like we are in charge of how this day goes. And by spending that 5, 10 minutes creating that direction, that makes you feel more in control, that makes you feel more in charge. And there is a lot of confidence that builds out of that.

Honestly, that's so powerful, like, actually making the decision to get rid of a to do list, because I recently have just been realizing how much anxiety comes from it, looking at these pages of to do now and to do later. I've let too many things. Things creep into the priority list that actually aren't a priority. They're like the nice to haves, but they're not the priority. But it can actually make me do less because I can just feel completely overwhelmed and overwhelm is such a place of losing my power that it's like, how can I just stay in more of a feeling of just presence, I guess.

It's so true. It's so true. I tell you what I'll do for you, Lori. I'll send you my daily planner that has the priority list built into it if you promise me you'll start planning each day as it comes.

Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna tag you. I'm gonna show you what I'm doing.

Yeah, I'll send it to you.

Oh, that's accountability. Great.

We all need a little accountability, don't we?

Oh, my God.

I'm all about it. Yeah. All right.

You're amazing. Thank you for that. And you guys. So I'll be sharing that. So great. I just set it on here. Perfect. That's what we're doing. All right, so create simp. I mean, that just sounds beautiful, but do tell. What's the plan?

Well, I think the whole idea of living a life centered on our priorities, it sounds fabulous. But then you think, all right, yeah, I still got to pay the bills. I still got to mow the grass. I still got to get meal planning done. I still got to do the laundry. Laundry is the bane of everyone's existence. So how do you make it so that all those things can run a little bit more smoothly? How do you make it so that those things can run on autopilot? So that's not where you're spending your brain power. It's really. We want to be focusing our brains on where it makes the biggest difference. You know, a really interesting fact is that our brain is 1 50th of our body, but burns one fifth of our calories every day. Our brains are like calorie burning machines. We feel like we should all be so thin with as much as we're thinking. Right. It doesn't work that way, unfortunately. But truly, our brain has a certain number of calories it can spend every single day. And if you're burning your calories on thinking about laundry, instead of thinking about where you want to grow your business. Is that really what you want to do? I don't think I can think of a single person who's like, you know what? I need to think about laundry a lot more. Gosh, my life would be so much better if I could think about when I need to fertilize the grass. Right. And so the idea of creating systems, we do it a lot of times with our work, but we can do it also at home. We can do systems at work and at home as well. So it's this whole idea of how to create habits and routines that feel really intentional. Instead of just having habits that we do without thinking, let's have things we do without thinking that really drive us forward, that feel fulfilling. Maybe that is incorporating some time for journaling into our day. Or maybe it's incorporating some time for doodling, if you love to draw. Or maybe it's, what is it that would feel good to you that you could create a habit around? And then let's create a ritual around that, A routine. A routine that made you feel really good in your day. So this whole section, all three of those chapters are really about how do we create a life for ourselves where things are running smoothly without us having to think about them so that we can focus on those priorities instead.

Oh, I think that's such a big thing, especially with. I find men are really good at most men compartmentalizing. And we've heard that as a negative thing. But I have to tell you that that been one of the most powerful tools for me is to just say, you know, that's going to be there later. I'm going to put that in this box and I'm going to tuck it away. Like, I'm going to close out that screen and I'm going to shut that down.

So is there something much stress out of it when you're like, okay, I know it's going to get taken care of later on, that eliminates a ton of stress, right? I mean, laundry can be a giant stress if you're doing it every time you're running out of underwear. But instead, if you're just doing it, you know what? This is something we do on Tuesday. Laundry gets done and it happens automatically, without a lot of thinking. We eliminate a lot of that stress, and therefore our brain can stop thinking about laundry and can instead think about our goals, Think about the things that are really going to drive us forward.

Yes, absolutely. It's amazing the amount of willpower that we, like, lose by thinking of that. I've been projecting forward lately because it's the holidays, right? And I'm like. Especially because now I'm getting used to, like. Like, what it feels like to have space in my life just a little bit. And it's getting busy again. So I'm thinking of, like, I'm going to feel this way and I'm going to feel resentful, and I can't believe they're going to stay at my house this long. And, oh, my God, I'm like, you just robbed yourself of your entire Monday. This was my yesterday. Because I was thinking, instead of actually saying, okay, can you create space anywhere? And if not, can you just make peace with when that comes?

Yes. All that stress, it really does add up, and it affects us in so many different ways, even when we don't realize it. And it does. It takes. It pulls our brain away from the areas we really want it to be focusing on.

Yeah, I had a lot to do yesterday. I didn't do it because I was pissed off about the idea of somebody coming to stay with me for too long. So.

I can understand that, though, especially as an introvert. For sure. You're like, today, that's way too long.

Oh, man. Okay, so last one. Just achieving harmony. I mean, like, what a beautiful word. Like, what does harmony even mean? Like, and do we make our own meaning and. Yeah, help. Help his sister out.

Yeah. So I think we get really caught up in this idea of balance. We are. Oh, we want that mythical life work, balance. It sounds amazing. And I tell people, you don't want balance. Balance. You do not want balance. If life is perfectly balanced, if all things are equal, you're not really leaning into any priorities, which means you're not really growing, you're not really expanding. You're not really getting out of your comfort zone. You're staying in the same spot. You know, if you think about life like riding a bike, you know, if you're riding a bike, that's all well and good if you want to go on one path, but if you want to turn and choose your direction, if you want to turn left, you got to lean to the left.

Left.

And then you can't stay leaned over. You have to counterbalance. And then if you want to go right, you got to lean to the right, and then you have to counterbalance, otherwise you're going to fall over. And it's this idea of we don't want balance. What we really want is harmony. We want to lean into a priority, you know, for you, right? Now, working on that program, that's a priority for you. You want to lean into that. You're going to want to counterbalance, you know, in a little bit, you're going to counterbalance, you're going to lean maybe into something that's more personal. And then you're going to. You're going to balance again. You're to going gonna, you know, you're gonna lean into another area. So it's this idea of the ebb and flow. Instead of worrying about every day being perfectly equal by spending equal amounts of time at work and home and, you know, on my goals and all these things, if everything's perfectly even, we're not really moving in the direction we want to choose. And so instead of looking at each day as 24 hours to achieve this mythical balance that we think we want, but we don't really want want, let's choose instead to zoom our week out a little bit and let's look at the 168 hours of our week. Let's zoom out and look for opportunities for harmony in there. So one of the examples I give in the book is let's say dinner with your family is a priority. Well, what happens is, for a lot of us, we have things that are going on and maybe you're not able to make dinner at home with the family every night of the week, Monday through Friday. And so when that doesn't happen, we feel like, gosh, I'm the worst mom, I'm a failure. My work life balance is out of whack. Well, instead, let's zoom out our week and you might see that, you know what? Out of the seven days of the week, I was able to be home and spend time with my family. Four of those days, four days out of seven, that's winning right there. That's harmony. It's not meant to happen every day. It's able to be happen, you know, happening on a regular basis. And then the idea of harmony too, like, let's say it is, you know, having dinner with your family. Is it really about having dinner with your family or is it really about. About spending intentional time with them? So if you're not making it home for dinner, maybe you're doing something else. Maybe on the weekend you're going out in the backyard and you're kicking the soccer ball with your kids. Or maybe it's, you know, whatever it is, spend some intentional time with your family. It doesn't have to happen at dinner time. I think we have this very black or white version of what balance looks like, and it's not really realistic for real life. So let's start leaning into this idea of choosing harmony instead of fighting for balance.

Oh, I love that. Because so much of what we view as balance or the dinner with the family or whatever that is, it's. Sometimes we can be, you know, finding that we are attached to that old, someone's old idea of what was supposed to be so many times. And it's like, if it really is about quality time, then where can you get that if it's not every single night? And maybe you really, truly. I always think of this, like, maybe I don't get as much quality time when with some of my family or whatever that looks like. But the quality time that we do have is so quality instead of like, I'm here, but I'm not really here because we're doing this so often that I actually feel like, you know, I have to be doing other things.

So.

Yeah, that's beautiful. Just the idea, that idea of harmony is beautiful.

Yeah. It all goes back to that idea we've been talking about of quality over quantity. We have to stop counting up these little beans, right? Let's stop being bean counters and instead let's look for the quality of, you know, 15 minutes of really intentional, focused time with your phone put away with your spouse is far more powerful than an hour with you both, you know, working on your phones and half having conversations, you know, while you're laying in bed together or whatever. You know, that quality 15 minutes is so much more powerful than a full hour if you make it a quality time.

Oh, Tanya. I've loved this conversation, you guys, literally. So. This book is so beautiful because it is so much clarity with. With such clear steps, like, I can get overwhelmed very easily. But your book has this in such. It's very bite sized. It doesn't feel too overwhelming. Like these are things I can read and actually do and implement into my life right away. And I loved it. This conversation was so awesome. I feel like I have like a lot more clarity already. I'm going to start implementing my daily priority list over this to do list because my to do list is sitting right next to me to my left. To be honest, I'm not, I'm not kidding you. It has 30 things on the first page. So with that said, I just want to say how grateful I am. And you guys have to go and get this book. We can get it wherever books are sold, right? Is that correct?

Yes.

Okay. Amazon, Barnes and Noble, all of the places I'M sure on your website, Target. We're all in Target. You guys add it to your cart. Your cart's already full. You know you want this book. You need it more than all that stuff in there anyway, so I. I just want to say thank you, number one, for writing this book on the joy of missing out. While you probably had the busiest year of your life, writing this book and getting it out into the world, and you'll be moving into a place of hopefully missing out even more within the next year, but really, really grateful. This is probably one of the biggest things that I hear all of the people who listen to this podcast talking about is just not knowing where to start. So you guys start with this book. So I always end on one last question. Question. Are you ready?

I am.

Okay. I think I just make it sound.

Bigger than actually scaring me.

I know. I'm like, wait, wait, it's not that scary.

Hold on.

So you are in an elevator, in passing with a total stranger. It's only like 30 seconds. And they look at you and they ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

I think it's really on focusing on your why. Why are you doing what you do? And lean on that. That and live your life with your why, guiding you every step of the way. Be happier every single day. I can promise you.

Yeah, that is the truth right there. You guys go find, follow, go into the show. Notes. I have linked everything up. Grab this incredible book. You're such an amazing author. It's such a beautiful read. I'm so grateful for you and you guys, if you know anyone in your life who is struggling with overwhelm or struggling with thinking that they should be doing something else, text them this episode right now. Share this episode. Share it on Stories. Tag Tanya and myself and let us know what your biggest takeaways were from this podcast and I will respond to all of them. And Tanya, thank you again so much for coming on the show.

Thank you so much for having me. I loved it. This was such a fun conversation.

Oh, good. I'm so glad. And you guys, until next time, earn your happy.

Bye, everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys.

Bye bye.