502. Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions about RESISTANCE answered

If you keep finding that you're not taking action, it's because you're not hanging out with enough people who are doing scary things a lot. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to questionably awesome, where two girls who are really awesome came together and said, I want to do a show because doing shows are lonely.

I'm tired of being lonely every day.

I need a partner. That's how I was created. And now here we have this at the podcast.

Brilliant.

Do you know how you can pretend or feel like you have a winning life?

How?

Make your own awards every day. Yeah, we should make our own.

What would you give yourself an award for in the last week?

I would give myself an award. Oh, for being brave.

That's really good because you were brave.

Yeah, I've been real, real brave lately. Oh, I'd also give myself an award while we're on the roll. Yeah, I would have been able to do this years ago. I'd be like, at one award.

Yeah.

I would get two awards daily. And we're for this last week. And it would also be for. Oh, I forgot. Hold on, let me think.

You got it.

Let me think of my greatness this last week.

There are a lot of awards to choose from.

Yeah. Bravery, doing scary things and. Yeah. Just showing up. I think that might be the same award, though.

No, it's not.

Because the other thing I was going to say.

Thanks, Evans.

Did we pass it by the awards? What do you call them when they have to, like, like the.

The Academy. I don't know.

Did you pass that by? The Academy? The Academy says of personal greatness. Like, what would. What would your award be? Because you've done.

You've.

You've been dealing with a lot right now. So what would your award be for just how you're coping?

Patience.

Yeah, for sure.

Patience.

The Patience award.

Yes.

That's a really good award, I hear.

I also had to go the DMV last week. Oh, shit it there. It's a very interesting place. However, can I just say, the people at the Santa Monica DMV were lovely to work with.

They are.

I couldn't believe it.

I was literally like, where am I? When I had to go to the dmv.

Yep.

Because I've never been to a DMV where by the time you get to them, they're not disgruntled. And I don't blame them. I don't know how they do it because it is like, you have to bring so much documentation that even for a person like me who, like, I'll get it, but I have. It's tough for me to read all the important things that I need to do because I just skipped to the bottom of things right away. I'm the person who will be like, I here, make sure you follow these rules. And I'm like, I'm going to skip to the bottom. Because I bet there's a summary and usually there's not. So I get to the DMV and they're like, hey, you forgot a document. And I'm just like, I know it's my fault and I take full ownership, but I'm still upset. Can we. Can we bypass this document? Like, even me, who understands is still going to ask. And they're like, you, you can. You. You come. I'm like, can I take a number now? Go back to my house, get back in line with this number.

That's the hardest part.

Damn numbers. And you're like, I'm B36. Why did D234 just get caught in front of me? Yeah. I was like, no. What does this mean? You don't know the meaning?

Know how the system works? I think they're different categories. I don't know. But to anyone who works at the dmv, you're amazing. And we should be more patient with people who deal with jobs that have to so much documentation.

Do you think as like, a side job we could just make award. Make these awards we're talking about, like, maybe it's a popsicle stick with a lot of, like, pink cotton balls on the end. And we go in and we're like, hey, you get the award of patience, the pink popsicle patient award. And we just walk in with, like, a train and symbols. Like, not a train, but, like, as a train. Yeah. And cymbals. And we're like, singing to them. How fast would we get removed?

Probably really fast, but they would still get to take their award.

Okay. It's perfect though, because we thought it out, because it can go in the pen holder, so it's a nice. Like, they can display it.

What would your desk decoration be if you worked at the dmv? Because I saw a lot of good ones.

I gotta be honest, I think I'd just go with a nice rose quartz crystal to kind of calm everyone down. And when they would be crazy, I'd be. I'd look at it, I'd just stare at it and be like, hey, I like that. Chill the f out.

I want one of those, like, dancing flowers.

Oh, see, let me get rid of my crystal. Who even understands that? I screw the crystal. I'll chuck it out the window. And I want either something dancing like that or a mini. You know, those blow up things. I want a mini air compressor, a tiny one. A mini air compressor that goes to my dancing car stick guy. I love it. And I want to be like, hey, take a cue from this one. You're not acting like him.

This has been a good podcast so far. Everyone's like, this is stupid.

It might be. Good thing it's free. Don't really care. I'm enjoying it.

Hey, this is free.

Follow the joy and it's free. Do you want a refund? Didn't think so. You know what? You'll never get this minute back of your life. And I'm not sorry about it. Okay. Do you want to pick a card? Yes. I'll pick one. No refunds. Okay. Do you feel like we need to warn people there's no refunds on your time? Yeah, Podcast your time is. That's why I think that one girl was angry. She's like, I'll never get that 15 minutes back of listening to you guys. And I really wanted something. I wanted you to read from the Webster's dictionary. And I was like, that's just not. This. You're not. I know. I don't know how to compensate her for those 15 minutes. 15 minutes.

I don't know. I guess just say that I'm really sorry and I hope that you find something else that'll enjoy, that'll fill your.

That's all you can say is to send somebody love and be like, she just picked the wrong flavor. It's like going to Baskin Robbins and being mad about trying something new. You just have to be like, you know, don't be upset. Just know it's not for you now.

Yeah. No hard feelings.

Yeah. 31 flavors and then some. So. All right, what's your card say?

My Card says energy flows where my intention goes.

Oh, snap.

Ain't that the truth. Snap, crackle, pop, snap, crackle, pop. Let me tell you, my energy flow has been negative city.

So how you gonna turn that?

Probably gonna stop bitching so much. How about that?

You know what? Sometimes bitching can actually be real therapeutic.

It does feel good. To a point.

To a point.

And then you're like, gotta reel it in.

Oh, now I just feel like I don't like myself. Yeah. Yeah. So then what?

Then energy flows where my intention goes.

So what are you gonna do? You like, what are you literally gonna do when you. I think you're already turning it around, though. Like, I think you have been. No. Or am I making that up?

My energy in life.

Yeah. I feel like. No, I mean with this. Yeah. Week.

Oh, yeah. This week. Yes.

Okay.

I would say today is a better energy day.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like, you know, you should probably just go for a walk with me sometime if you feel that way.

I think so, too.

You gotta get back on that trolley. Not all the time, because that's also stressful. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? When your life is busy and your dog is not, you know, at his healthiest. I can also feel crazy.

Yes.

Okay. Are you ready? Yeah.

You have to pick a card now. Wait, do I need to hold it for you?

Yeah, let's do that. That feels good to me. I'm gonna pick this top one right here, actually. Okay, thanks. Apparently, I'm not being very loving because this is slapping me in the face. So what? Well, I just keep getting the Loved ones week. So when I'm in alignment with love of the. When I'm in alignment with the love of the universe, peace cannot be disrupted. This is so good for me, though, because peace could be being stolen from me left and right in my life right now. And I'm just like, nope. If you handle all things with love, you're going to be able to handle all of it. And it couldn't be more true.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm glad.

You just have to literally be like, all right, how can we. How. How would someone who's loving and understanding and compassionate deal with whatever situation is. Or whatever decision you have to make, Right. Or whatever you're feeling around the decisions you have to make, like, whether it's having loved for myself for not knowing certain things. I mean, like, that's okay. Compassion, okay. You don't know what's going on or whether it's love for someone else that I'm like, It's actually going on in your life. And then I'm like, no, I'll love you through it. Okay. Yeah. So we have a review.

Yes, it's from the 40 year old.

Oh, let's do it.

40 and thriving.

You know what? 40 and thriving. The they say.

Amazing. Seeing new episodes pop up in my feed in the morning before my drive to work makes me so happy. I'm giddy. I love listening to your humor, inspiration, and knowledge, either while driving to work or when I'm already there to help keep my mind in a positive place rather than allowing myself to be brought down by the constant negativity that surrounds me at work. You guys are seriously my positively positivity lifeline. And I'm so grateful for you and the content you put out.

Hey, 40 year old. Who we're obsessed with. And 40 is the new 22.

Oh, my God.

We love you and we hope that you're listening right now at work. And if anything is negative, we are just sending a huge bubble of love.

I hope it's not the printer. That makes me really negative.

Could be the printer. When you're just like, there is ink in this. Why does it keep saying there's not?

Never met a printer I like.

You don't understand. I have. It's almost as if you know what's going on in my life right now because my com. My computer, out of everyone's computer in the house, is the only one that's like, you're not printing anything.

I don't understand this.

Yeah. Can you help a sister out?

Yes.

What is so hard about printing printer? But like, we went to the wireless now while we've been wireless for a long time. And once it went wireless, it's like, you know what, your signal. No, not picking up your signal. So I even try to stand there and will it. Like, I envision it working. You'll literally catch me visualizing the printer, printer working and being like, it might be my energy. Maybe I'm disrupting this and that doesn't work either. And then I get even more mad. So, yeah, the worst, the worst.

Do you got.

Do you have a cue? Yeah.

Should we do fear resistant cues?

Stick one of each.

Okay. This fear question comes from. It's MV silly and V silly. Be silly. How do you keep pushing through even when fear is holding you back?

I mean, you just keep pushing through. You just keep putting things on your calendar that are appointments and make sure you hang around with people who hold you accountable. This is going to be huge. Because if you keep finding that you're not taking action. It's because you're not hanging out with enough people who are doing scary things a lot. You might be hanging out with people who kind of are just. They're in what they want to do, but not really. And the conversations aren't around, like, hey, how can I. They might not be the most supportive conversations. Not that they're bad. They're probably great people. But you. So you need those great people, but you also need your people who are going to be like, okay, you know that thing that you told me that you want to do? You also need to make sure that you're doing that too. Like, I have to make sure that I tell. I've. I've had to tell everybody my vision. Or I know that I'm like, oh, you know, what if I said no? No one will really know that I started this anyway.

Yeah.

And that's the catch 22, is that if you don't start telling people and start putting things in your calendar, like, specifically for that and deadlines of. This is when I'm going to have this done or this is when I'm going to take this course or I'm going to put money down. Money is a big one, too. Like, money is an energy of, like, it holds you accountable. Like, if you're not going to do that, then it's like, I've got no skin in the game. So that's how you're going to show up and push through fear, even when it stops you is start putting more skin in the game. You have. If you don't have skin in the game, you're totally going to take the easy route every single time.

Oh, yeah, I do that.

Human nature, right. You got to get more skin in the game.

Yeah.

So what skin are you going to get in the game?

Me right now. Oh, why am I answering this?

But it's for her.

Oh, okay.

What answer?

Oh, I like accountability. And also what helps me. What I need to listen to is thinking about what. What won't happen if you don't try.

Yes.

You're going to. The way you feel when you don't try something and you know you should. That is the worst feeling.

All right, let's do a little game. You're gonna love this, Evans.

This is very fun for me.

Yeah, she loves what I put her on the spot. What would. And I'll play it too, so you can ask it right back with me.

Okay.

What will happen if in. Let's just do short term.

Yeah.

If in two years you don't do the thing that you want to start doing, where will you wake up and be? And how will you feel and how will it affect your relationship?

Oh, I will feel very disappointed and depressed, and it will affect my relationship negatively because I will feel like I haven't brought anything to the game. Ew.

That's not gonna be good.

That's terrible.

It's not gonna be a fun place to wake up every day.

No, that's miserable.

Just sit with that today, okay? You're already. You're already not doing great.

I feel great after this. What about you?

You said you. People say I'm very uplifting.

Sit in that.

Sit in.

Sit in that.

Stew that disappointment stew.

Crap sandwich.

Okay.

But that's what I have to do. Where will I be? Oh, I already know because I already felt this way last year for a while. And I was depressed. I was anxious. I started to get really, like, irritable towards Chris. And it wasn't him, it was me.

Yeah.

And I was having trouble finding. I just. I didn't know where I fit because I was like, one thing is coming to an end, and I don't. I know I don't want to do this again. So what is next? It feels like a totally different place. And it was. I went from, like, wanting to do just, like, pure speaking on stages and books to, like, not wanting to do that at all.

Yeah.

Like, that. I would like to do that in my life as side things, but not the main thing to now wanting to do, like, products. That's a very different thing. But I had to go through, like, the pain of an identity shift. Being like, will I be okay if I'm not this person or this lead person or this author that I thought I was gonna be for the rest of my life, writing books all the time. Like.

Yeah. Were you scared?

Yes, I was scared. Cause I didn't feel passionate about anything next. And that's a scary place to be is not knowing what you wanna do. So I cried a lot and I sat in, like, hey, if you. Then when I figured out what I wanna do, I'm like, I know nothing about this. This is so stupid. This is.

I.

Like, you're never going to be able to do this. You have no. You have no patience or, like, no experience or you're not good with numbers or whatever. I had all of these thoughts. I'm like, you won't be able to do this, so don't. Like, I was about to take off the plate of something that I was answering would be super fun. So the question I asked when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do was, if I had all the money and all the time in the world, what would I be doing? And that's when the answer of like, well, I want to start an alcohol company that brings women together and gives back to women entrepreneurs. And this is just going to be a piece of something that I create bigger. And that question is important to ask because I didn't have all the money and the time in the world when I created this. But you do. We always do. You can always raise money. You can always learn how to raise money, and you can always start clearing your plate. And that's what I did. And clearing my plate, which it's still not remotely clear, but at least it's halfway clear for what's coming. So I spent the time clearing my plate, figuring out how the money that we have now can support everything and go into what we're doing and then also raise money. So now I'm creating all the time in the world, and I'm gonna raise all the money that I need.

Boom.

There you go. Anyway, I think that's off of the question, but it's scary is essentially what I'm saying. Yeah.

Yes. Do we want another one? Yeah. Okay. This one will be about resistance.

Okay.

I've been resisting letting things and people go. Will life change when I let it go and be free. This is from at C Bello for 4, 4, 1 0.

Yes, it will change, and it will be amazing. But it's going to be terrible at first. That's all.

Be free.

You're gonna feel. Here's the thing. When you let them go, yeah, it's gonna cause some chaos. But if you do it lovingly, if you feel like it needs to be let go, they actually do need to let be let go, even for them. Like, if you're clear, like, oh, this is just not. This is. These are shackles at the moment. And you don't mean to be shackles in your life. You might actually be robbing them of doing things for themselves. You might actually be robbing them of a different path or a person that they need to go connect with because you guys are hanging on to an expired relationship. Once you let it go, yeah, you're gonna. You might not have new friends yet who are at the level that you want. So it might feel super lonely. That person might think you're a total jerk. They might talk about you. You might go through hell for a little While in your friend group. But because the amount, it's like caring. Right now you have a elephant on your back, and it's like, because you're not supposed to be in that relationship anymore. So now it's turned heavy. It's gone from feeling like you riding the elephant to now you're carrying the elephant. So a good relationship is like riding an elephant. Yeah.

Fun.

You are heightened. Like, this elephant is like pure love. You love being an elephant rider. And then once, Once the energy is shifted slowly, you're like, hey, elephant, get on my back. I'm ready. Let me carry you wherever you need to go. What do you need? You need some more peanuts? Eleph.

Yeah.

And you feel like a slave to this elephant.

You're in a better place if you just let it go.

If you take the elephant off your back, be like, go, be free, elephant. Because elephants want to be free.

Yes.

And they don't know it. Maybe you've trained it its whole life. And it's that moment in the movie where the elephant's like, should I go? And they look back, and then all of a sudden you see them out in the wild with all the other elephants, and you're like, I can't believe I carried that elephant on my back this whole time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My dad is remarried, and it was. I really didn't like that for a long time. I swear I'm going somewhere with this. But the moment I finally. And this happened very recently for me.

Oh, I do know this because I've heard you talk about it.

Yes. I, I, I was very negative about his new relationship and to that person and wasn't. I didn't think I was being ugly, but, like, I still wasn't very open to her and things like that. But the second I just kind of started to let things go, things just get so much better.

God, that's so interesting. It's when things stop us from loving the way we want or we withhold our love that we're miserable. And I thank you for saying that. I just want to share a totally opposite but same truth. I realized when waffles passed, most of my pain was because I had so much love that I wanted to give with Chris to something that when she passed, it was cut off. Like, I didn't have an outlet to, like, really love on something with him. And as soon as we got bananas, I. It, like, made. Yes. I miss her more than anything, and I wish she was here. But, like, that love flow started back up again after a while because you Don't. I didn't love him right away. He was a little bit of a pain in the ass. And I say a little bit, a lot of it. But when now I can like have that outlet of like not cutting it off. Right. Not withholding your love from her because you're like, I'm gonna. You don't really realize you're doing it. You're like, yeah, but I'm not gonna show you. Really? Yeah, but I'm not gonna really love you. That actually does not feel good to not be friendly.

No. It's the worst feeling. And.

Yeah.

And if things can be just. They can flow better when you just let. Yeah. Stupid things like that go.

Totally.

It's not worth it.

Pick your battles. Pick your battles. Yeah. Put that elephant down. Get. She's in the wild now. She's so happy. Should bring her a bag of peanuts next time. She'll be like, these are. What are these for? And you'll be like, freedom.

Yeah.

Congrats.

This is a peace treaty offer.

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Yeah. What do you think? What do I think? I think that we are complete and we need some Evans wisdom.

Oh, I don't know.

You always know. Get quiet and tell me something good.

Okay, I guess I'll go on that tangent. I just went on with relationships and stuff. If there's someone in your life that maybe is bring you down and you just have a lot of ill feelings for A, I would recommend going to a therapist because it helps immensely. And B, I just. Sometimes it's just not worth it to have. It's never worth it to have those bad feelings.

Never.

I don't think that's gonna help anyone.

I think it's great. Number one, I love that you talk about therapy. Number two, there are companies out there now that are like just therapy for. You can just call them or you can like zoom them. And I'm actually going to. They might be a sponsor on the podcast because they are like, it's such a cool company. I can't remember the name of it right now. But I will talk about it again later because so many people are like, well, what if I don't? What if I'm not in California and I'm not privy to a therapist or they're not accessible? It's just a really cool company that has been helping a ton of people because I. I think talking is the most important thing.

Me too. It helps so much.

Yeah. Being wit. Being witnessed, being seen. Like, this podcast has changed my life. Like, just sitting with you and being able to talk and be silly and be heard.

So nice.

Because you. Just to be witnessed, like.

Yes.

Yeah, just.

And a lot of therapists, I feel like most of them, I don't know, they will work with you on like a sliding scale. A lot of. A lot of them are really open. If you don't have. If you don't think you have the funds for it.

Yeah.

I know from personal experience there are people out there who are willing to work with you.

We're. That is so amazing because we are, we're so tribal. And they're, they're showing that literally for good health and for a long life. The main thing of people who are. This is literally the main point of, of people who are the healthiest, who live the longest, is that they have community and they feel like they're able to be seen and talk about their problems and they feel supported.

Yes.

And I think that we are crazy to deny that. And I know so many, like, it's so funny. Cause in the fitness world, I was just like, oh, I'm so healthy. And I was isolated, alone. I was like, oh, I'll eat this healthy food by myself. I truly now understand that you can have a more indulgent meal if you're having it with people and having the most soul filling conversation. And I really believe it's effective. Affecting you. Totally different.

Yes.

So there you go.

There you have it.

There's your science. Backed up by more science.

A lot of science in this whole podcast.

Yeah. This is called science. It's a bit of lying in science together. And it's the truth.

Yes, it is my truth.

You know what my truth is my truth, it can't change. And it. That's Evan's law. We follow Evan's law around here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a new sheriff in town.

She's gonna slap you with a pancake. All right. Would you please slap me with a pancake just once? Can we get it on a boomerang? Just take a big pancake across the face. I just want to get a pancake across the face, I'd eat it.

All right. Okay.

Okay, guys, that got weird. Thank you for tuning in. Until next time, I'll be hoping for pancakes.

Pancakes.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me. Me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think.

Tell us.

Tell us what you want to hear. More of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.