506. Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions about FEAR + RESISTANCE answered

Even if I miss something, it can't actually miss me. If it was for me, it will come back around again.

Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to questionably awesome. Gonna just be extra, extra awesome because the world needs it and we have infused ourselves with extra awesomeness. Evans and I, my amazing co host, who we are doing this virtually because we are isolating ourselves right now.

Yes, we are. We're social distancing, which I do naturally on my own all the time.

So, yeah, I've been seeing so many posts about like how this is like an introvert's dream come true and we're being called heroes for it.

Seriously, introverts unite. Because sometimes you just gotta hang out by yourself.

Introverts unite separately and in your own home. I love Netflix.

How are you doing?

I'm good. We were just chatting. There's no coronavirus here, thankfully. None over in your side of town. But it is an interesting mix with cold and flu season. So you know, you are like, okay, let's take extra precautions to make sure that you're not. And some of my team got tested. They are not. So we are all clear. But yeah, it's just an interesting time. So we're going to use this podcast to not minimize what's going on, but to have a couple laughs during life.

Yeah, I like laughing.

Yeah, me too. So I'm so happy to see you even though it's not in person right now on screen. You guys, we are virtually. She's wearing her Jenny's sweatshirt.

Yes.

You know what I like? I really, really like that you get use out of that shirt because that shirt makes me super happy and I'm the best. I love that. I'm talking about your sweatshirt. When I have an equally. Actually a much more insane outfit on. Right now I'm wearing cozy. I believe it's called. No, a comfy. It's actually soft. It's. It's technically like if you took your king size comforter and you poked a hole in the middle.

So is it kind of weighted? Like, does it feel like. Do you feel really secure in it?

I do. I feel as though I'm a dog wearing a thunder jacket.

That's how I want to feel all the time.

Well, get yourself a comfy. I believe it's@thecomfy.com. no, this is not an ad. But it should be. They really do need to pay me for sponsorship.

Yeah. Well, you look great.

Oh, well, that's a lie. But I just love you. Okay. I look cuddly.

You look very cuddly. Insecure.

And to you, that's great. So I guess you weren't lying.

Yeah, I wasn't lying.

I. Cuddly, insecure. That's, like, your favorite thing.

Yeah.

If I had an ice cream cone right now, it would be hard for me to beat you off.

Seriously, I would love it.

Okay, what are we doing? What is life? How was your week? Were you just inside the whole week?

I really was, because I had an upper respiratory infection and just could not shake this little sickness, and now I'm fine, but sometimes you just have to slow down. But you know what I did do?

What?

Before I got this, I went to the Bahamas.

Oh, my gosh. I have been wanting to catch up with you on this. I can't even believe that in light of everything I forgot about the Bahamas. Please tell me all about it. And where were you?

Okay. I was in harbor island in the Bahamas. Everyone should go there. The people are so friendly and wonderful. They. The beach is the most. It looks like a screensaver you get with your computer. It is perfect.

Did you guys snorkel or anything?

We saw some sea turtles, and we went swimming, and we ate fresh seafood and just, like, lounged around. It's wonderful. Everyone should go.

Was that for a bachelorette party?

Yes, it was for a bachelorette party. And then Adam came down for, like, the last part, and we just made, like, a mini get away out of it, so it was really fun. We're lucky.

Oh, my God. Were there any, like, massive highlights for you or any learnings?

Ooh, I guess I learned that people in the Bahamas are really calm and laid back and just relaxed, and I feel like I need to be more like that in times of life. In times of what does that even.

Right now, they are. It's very much like. You know, a lot of times when I go visit other countries, I. The. The thing I come back with is they slow down like they enjoy life. They don't. And the chaos or the induced or chosen stress, like they're just like, what are you doing, man?

You know, they're so relaxed and even just. I was thinking about how my life was very like routine and happen like the same sort of things every week. Which I think we all can get bogged down with stuff because that's how life is with work schedules and commitments. But it's good to just do something to get out of your daily grind. Even if it's like, I don't know, going to a museum or something.

I totally agree. And most important question of all, how many rum runners did you have? Or pina coladas? What was your drink of choice?

They had these like goombae smash things all like full. I don't even know what's in it. Wrong face masks.

Had everything in the bar.

They're so good. And I also had some beers because it was nice.

Did you get really drunk one day at all?

I think one day I did.

But.

Not like out of control. Just like I felt pretty relaxed.

Did you dance at all?

Yes. Dance the whole time.

Did you wear a bikini?

No, but I got some really cute one pieces.

Okay, I'm just checking. When you were drunk and you had your one piece on, did you ever for a moment wish it was a bikini?

Yes.

Okay, we're getting somewhere. If you can't tell. My life's mission is to let like make Evans be more free even though she doesn't want to be. So it's really kind of. It's really kind of like, why do I even have this desire for her when she's happy with her life? I feel like a mother.

We should all wear bikinis.

I just am like, good lord, girl, you are stunningly beautiful. And I just think you'd have a lot of fun in like one of those two pieces that are retro.

I agree. Like the high waisted ones. Yeah.

I just think with a big pair of sunglasses, one of your bandana bows like in your hair, like a perfect wrap and a high piece waisted bikini. And like, if I could just be on that photo shoot, it would make my life.

That would make my life too. That sounds really nice.

I think I just want to see pure freedom within your soul.

I agree. We all need to strive for that pure freedom.

What was that drink called?

I think it was called a goombe smash or something.

Promise me that one day we will go get you goombe smashed and I can go do a retro 60s bikini photo shoot with You.

I promise.

Weirdest, weirdest goal ever. But someday, you guys, we're gonna do it.

All right. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm gonna pick out the suit. It's gonna be the cutest ever.

And you're gonna.

It's gonna be the best day of your life.

Can't wait.

Yep.

I'm gonna love it.

Okay, moving on. Do you have a quote?

Yes. My quote is from Anonymous, and it says, everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

You know what? I'm pretty sure that's Jack Canfield. Yeah. Because that's one.

Thank you for giving me the Source.

One of my favorite quotes.

I really like that. What's your quote?

Let's see. I had it and it moved on my.

Indeed.

So I need you to just chat for one second.

Well, I really liked that quote because I find myself being fearful of things, even with wearing a bikini. And, like, the joy is in wearing the bikini. It's on the other side. It's right there. All you have to do is take one little step.

Thank you for that. And I found a quote, but it wasn't the quote that I had. And I like it for right now. And Henry David Thoreau. We're safe there, right?

Yeah, we're safe.

Goodness is the only investment that never fails. And I love that, especially for right now, because I think that all goodness matters right now. I think, like we were saying, it's important to not, like, minimize and turn a blind eye, but it's also very important to pump good energy out into the world right now, connect with people, because. And we talk about this on a podcast, Chris and I, coming out, but was watching a Mad Men episode where they had to be sequestered, like, in bomb shelters for a little while in the 60s. And she was saying, how isn't this just the scariest of times? Like, we may not have a tomorrow. And he said, when is tomorrow ever promised? And I just had a. Yeah, these are scary times. But when is tomorrow ever promised? Like, what? We can still get grateful because for a lot of people, we're in our homes and we still have food, thankfully, and we can do good for other people. We could give them food. We could send that. We can help people at this time. So, like, focusing outward is also. I think it's just a beautiful reminder. And this can actually connect us more instead of separate us. So that. I like that quote. Do you have a review so that we can send awesome to someone?

Oh, yes, this is from Chandler Ray. Oh, wait, no, that was Way old. This is from Lana Az.

Lana. I love that name.

Me too. Lana said. Like seeing an old friend who knows you well. I've been listening to Earn your Happy for a couple of years and have sent it to several friends. The episodes have a warm way of delivering exactly what I need, whether it's a cold hard truth about where we're stopping ourselves or a warm, compassionate hug reminding us to stay out of self judgment. I cycle through podcasts and every time I go back to Earn your happy it feels like reuniting with an old wise best friend that makes you crack up out loud in your car by yourself. Can't recommend Lori's podcast enough. Lana, we love you.

We hope that you are having the most amazing day wherever you are, and we're gonna send you something awesome. So make sure you Write into customer serviceaurieharter.com so we can send you something. Woohoo.

Go Lana.

Evans and I are gonna put some awesome energy into it and when you or drink out of it or whatever it is, write with it. I don't know what it is yet. It is gonna happen. It's literally going to propel you into your next level. 5% more.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, that was a low percentage for what I think is possible for us. So 20% more.

20%. I like that more.

Yeah, that's a better percentile.

Do you want a question?

Of course.

Okay. Well, they're about fear, which is timely. This is from bello4410 and they say fear holds me back my comfort zone. Fear holds me back in my comfort zone. How do I get past it and finally live the life I want?

Are you ready for this answer, C. Bello?

Yes.

Here's what you got to do that you're not doing. And you ain't going to like it, but it's going to change your life. It's going to change it.

What?

You have to create a life that you can't hide from. So you need to schedule things that scare you. You need to put some money down on something that is going to make you show up. You need to go take that circus class. You need to go take that pole class. You need to go take that painting class or that Italian class or you need to go ask that person to meet. You need to go ask 50 people to meet in order to get one person. Maybe right now it's a zoom, maybe it's not meeting in person, but whatever it is, you are missing the essential pieces of making you show up. So it Sounds to me like you are make. You are missing accountability. So what happens is we need to put things in our lives that make us accountable while we're afraid. And then we have to show up with our fear at them. It's the only way to get over fear. So if we are not taking those steps actively, we're actually not doing anything to get over fear. That would be like me saying, Evans, I really, really, really. All I think about is riding a bike. All I can think about is being a BMX star. It's my life. I know I'm supposed to do it. It is like my calling. If I don't do it, I feel like I just can't go on living. Except I am not ever going to get on a bike or put money towards buying a bike. So can you tell me how I can be a BMX star without buying a bike or putting money down on a bike or riding it?

No.

Same question.

You can't.

Yeah, you can't. So you need to be held accountable. And I also would need you to get a biker gang and a BMX coach. You need the bike, which is the tools, but then you also need the BMX team and coach, which is the people. So you got to commit. You need the tools and you need the people. Without any of those, you're not going to make it. So start now, because you have your whole life in front of you. This could truly be something that your life is now making a huge change in a week or one month or six months. It's never too late. I don't care how old you are, people are doing it every day. But you have to start with all of those components.

I love it.

That's that. I'm going to make you answer this next question, so choose wisely.

Oh, no.

Okay.

This is from CBGStudio, and they asked. They said, I say yes to every opportunity because I want to, but also because of fomo. How do I handle doing the things I want to do without overdoing it and depleting my energy? I'm afraid other people will get the opportunities over me. Let's see. I mean, I think it's awesome that this person is saying yes to everything, but I guess it kind of comes down to you got to have a little balance in your life, too. So you're not. You physically can't go to every single thing. That's just impossible. So maybe prioritize the things that will really, you think will propel you forward rather than like, saying yes to every single coffee. Date and da da da da. Mm.

I was just gonna say that prior to literally put it in your. Put the things down that are most important that are going to move the needle that you know are going to move the needle. And of course there's things that you're going to miss out on that yes, could have moved the needle. That's just how it goes. But I have a firm belief and our beliefs are what is going to get us to where we want to go and help us believe if our lives feel content or successful or whatever your definition is of that. And I have a belief that even if I miss something, it can't actually miss me. If it was for me, it will come back around again. So I've had so many events that I haven't been able to go to or people's dinner parties or things like that where there's been a lot of amazing things that I know have happened. And it's kind of funny because when I know that if I'm doing enough, this is not for total introverts who are like, yeah, I'm missing everything. Well, yeah, because you're saying no to everything. So you are going to miss everything saying yes while also making sure that you are protecting your vision and your mission and your health. I really believe that what is for you cannot miss you. It will come back around. And I've had those moments where I've missed things and I was like, oh, I'm missing that event. And that's where I thought I was going to connect with this girl. I thought we were going to be able to drop in and I was really hoping to be able to have these moments or this time with them. And all of a sudden I meet them randomly somewhere else where it's a more intimate setting and I get more one on one time than I would have ever gotten potentially at this other place. So have faith in that. That it either wasn't the right time or that it will come back around to you in another form, if not a different person completely. And that's really how it helps me take care of myself, make time for my vision. It is easy to get caught up thinking you need to be at everything networking, but you also have to be implementing and making time for that. So exactly what said, prioritize your stuff first and then see what you have time for.

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Boom, boom, boom, shaka, shaka.

You want one last? Yeah.

All right. Last cue. This is from 98J. Paula, Jay Paula. What's the difference between fear and resistance? How do you identify and move past them?

Oh, wait, yeah.

Okay. That's the question.

Fear and resistance. Well, I think resistance is what comes up around when you experience a fear. And I think resistance comes in forms of different things. So for me, resistance comes in the form of to do lists and rewriting my to do lists. Resistance comes in the form of food. Resistance comes in the form of energy, lack of energy of, you know, it's all of the reactions that I have to something that I know I need to do, but I'm fearful of doing. And sometimes it's even things that we may not think we're fearful of doing. Like take, for instance, when I was writing my book, it's not like I was afraid to sit down and write, but I was afraid of finishing the book. What comes after it? What if people don't like it? And what if my writing sucks? So the resistance that came up was like, you know, all of the activities around it. And I think there's a million ways to describe this. I actually don't think this is the one way to describe fear and resistance at all. I'm just using one example, but for me, that's the difference. So I'm trying to think what scenario this person might be using that could feel similar for resistance or fear. Do you have one?

Let's see. What's the difference between fear and resistance? I feel like fear and resistance are kind of like cousins. They're like, in the same family, but do make you do different things. And I don't know, fear just seems like more of a beast than resistance does. So as far as getting past them, I don't know if there's one answer except for I like your accountability answers. Helps get past a lot of fear or like putting a deposit down on something or telling your friends you're going to do something.

Yep. I actually couldn't agree more. I think the whole answer to this one is the answer to the last one. And I think we're using the wrong words. Like, I don't think you get past fear. You get through it. But I can't tell you, like, I have just as much fear in my life over new things as I did in the past. Now when I say new things, it's like, do I have as much fear around public speaking that I used to? No. Because I've gone through it so many times that it has lessened. But I do believe that if you are on a path of growing in your life and you've chosen that, that like the level of fear I used to have around public speaking is now the level of fear I have sometimes around starting a new company. But I'm applying the same tools that got me through the public speaking stuff to this, which is just show up for it, do more of it, do as much of it as you possibly can, and hang around people who are also facing their fears. Because you're going to tell them your fear and they're not going to feed the fear. They're going to feed why you need to do it, and they're going to feed the faith, you know, so feed the faith.

That's good faith.

The time for it now especially. And just focus on, you know, focus on the good that you can do right now, especially, like, I just think it's a great time, especially for you, Evans, like to get creative, but take time to think of what you want to do.

I could not agree more. There is beauty in having to stop things for a little bit, you know?

Yeah, absolutely.

Because maybe you could start something else.

That's exactly it. When something stops, you have space to.

Start other things, start new things.

So do you have any last advice that you could give in your best older woman, Southern accent? Yes or woman, please with a mint julep with you at 80 years old, please tell me.

I would say don't forget to check on your neighbors because they are just as fearful as you are. And we will get through this together.

I just want you to chocolate way every day, all day.

I wish I could. I wish I was that cool.

You really could, though. You could start practicing. Like, if you want to know what you should be doing with your time, it's that.

Oh, that's what I'm gonna do.

All right, you guys, we're so grateful for you. And until next time, remain questionably awesome. It's the only way to be the only way. Goodbye. Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review. If you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought and honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye.

Bye.