509. How routines will bring happiness, success, and normalcy

My mantra has been, I'm going to look back at this time as the time that I created so many things and invested in so many relationships and went really deep with the things that I wanted to do and learn. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

All right, here we go. Welcome back to another episode of what.

Are we calling it he said, she said.

For now, am a fan of this.

We won't like it.

I don't like it.

I like it.

It's already been done. I'm the wife winning, but it's already been done winning. All right, let's give them something important instead of you and I bantering back and forth today, I think we are gonna try and serve people by talking about routine. I mean, let's be honest about the state of things right now. Our kids are forced to stay at home. Not that you and I have kids, but our as a world. Mom's at home, dad's at home for the first time in a long time. I bet there's a lot of stress that comes along with having everybody at home. And that stress can be squashed with having a really good routine that you build for everybody. I know routines always work for us.

You know, it's crazy because I remember when I got rid of my gym, like in having to go somewhere and I was just so excited for that moment of being a self employed at home entrepreneur. And I will never forget like the first week or two that it hit that I was at home alone all day long and I got super depressed. I felt really isolated. I felt lonely. I noticed that some really bad habits were coming in. I noticed that I thought it would be easier to go and work out. But not having a schedule, it's like things just started slipping. I started wanting to like have cocktails earlier at like 3:00pm, you know, maybe some days 12:00pm I started noticing that I was getting into habits of like binge eating because I felt really Lonely and isolated and started to feel really depressed. And I was like, oh, shit. This thing that I thought was going to be so great is actually going to be my demise. Like, I'm not even kidding you. So I know that that's where a lot of people are hitting because I'm getting a lot messages about like, whoa, I thought this was going to be great, but this is actually so isolating. And I'm getting a lot of bad habits.

Yeah. The importance of structuring your day will make or break you, and this will seem really obvious. But first you have to choose a structure. Then you have to test the structure, then you have to adjust the structure. Here's where people go wrong. Sometimes they choose one that is unrealistic and when they try and implement it, it doesn't work. So they just throw the baby out with the bathwater. So the third step is you have to adjust the structure. And then the fourth step is make it habit. And everybody has to be all in, in the household in upholding this structure.

And I know this sounds weird for everybody who has families and for some of you, it doesn't sound weird at all. You're excited about it, but you guys need to call family meeting. Like you need to have a family meeting every single week to see what's going to work for you guys and how this is going to like what everybody needs to feel good and thrive and put that on the calendar. So one of the things that I want you to be really aware of that people fall into a trap when they're doing this is they schedule too much. So when you are making new habits and new schedules, you have to remember that you're a human being that has a. You wake up in the morning with a full battery of willpower. Now what happens that people don't know is that a new habit takes up more energy out of that battery than an old habit. So let's say that you are going to start reading a new business book for. You're like, I'm going to read a new business book for three hours a day. And you notice that one day you do three hours and all of a sudden you don't have any energy for anything else. Because for three hours you learned something completely new. And then you notice that after Monday, three hour book marathon of learning something new that you don't want to do it on Tuesday because you drained your willpower battery. You were like, that was overwhelming. I'm not going to be able to do this. So what you have to do is start with just one or two new things and small time frames. Because as human beings, what we want to do is put a check mark in the box.

Oh, we crave checking the box.

Check mark. We just want to check that books.

And feel good about it. Wait, have you ever made a list of things you've already done just so you could put Check. I totally have.

Queen. Queen of that.

Oh, my God. I think everyone's probably done that. Like, oh, my gosh, look how much I've done.

Wake up. Check. Drink coffee. Check, check.

So you're saying less is more if you're going to do this.

Yeah, because I'm. I'm watching myself do it right now. And I was, I was getting on a schedule with my team yesterday and we are starting the book. Hey, no. Barky bark. Marky Mark. We should have named him Marky Mark. Barky bark.

Yeah. You guys might get little cameos from our dog here, who is also feeling quarantined along with us staring out the window.

Yeah. So you are. You know, I was noticing I was doing that with my team yesterday, which was, hey, I'm starting this book, Traction. We're starting a book club as a team. And I was like, oh, I want to do a bunch of hours here. And then I broke it down and we got into a really realistic timeframe that we're going to do with the team. So that's a really great idea is you guys, if you are feeling isolated, start a book club with people. Like just read one chapter a day or just go through like three chapters for the entire week or do one chapter a week with people.

You know what just came to me? Why wouldn't you start A Tribe Called Bliss?

Oh, God. I was thinking, I was literally thinking of this, like non stop throughout this. But here's something else that I wanted to say and I'm. And I'm still thinking on it. But what happened is the first couple days of this, I just felt so overwhelmed by people asking me to do different things and by me wanting to put so much out in the world to help people that I was noticing I was falling into the old trap that I always did of like not thinking and being really intentional and just throwing things out immediately and exhausting my willpower battery. And I was like, no, I want to give myself a week. Like, take, actually take this time for what it is. A break, reassess. Let yourself really think about what it is that you want to add value in. And you know what's come to me is there's Been so many people wanting to have me come and join things, which is freaking awesome. I wish I could join all of them. But what I. What I needed to do was evaluate where do I want to put my time, and where do I feel like I can actually make the most impact. So I took a little. I'm taking a little break. I'm taking a little hiatus to give myself room to think for once.

Good for you. You know what so many people are doing? They've been praying for a break. They've been gifted this break, and now they're filling the break with all sorts of saying yes to this person, yes to that person. Yeah, I'll be a part of this initiative. Yeah, I'll be a part of that initiative. Yes, I'll start this project. And before you know it, they have filled this beautiful gift of space with more chaos. So I beg of you, as we're building out routine, as we're building out structure, take a breather like Lori is talking about. You don't have to say yes right away. It's perfectly okay to say, you know what? I'm taking this week to get into routine. Please circle back with me next week.

You know, I. And this is. It's beautiful. If you feel that call to go out and serve however you can with a bunch of other people, please do that. I know that Chris and I are deciding on how we are doing it and where we can really, really focus down and make a bigger impact than spreading ourselves thin on a bunch of things. And if that feels good to you, please continue to do that. That's not what I'm saying. But do take this time right now to get clear on what you want, because what came to me yesterday, and not just what you want, how you actually make an impact, because scattered focus equals scattered results. And I'm feeling very passionate. I got really clear yesterday that I get to finally take the time to get so rooted and grounded with the foundation of my team, with pouring into them, with creating a culture that as soon as this is lifted, as soon as we can be out in the world, that we will be so strong and ready to make a massive impact with all of the people who need our help and with getting what we want out into the world, that. That is where I'm putting a lot of my focus is on building a really, really strong impact and really pouring into the people who are around me. Like, when I say pouring into them, I mean developing them in a massive way and developing our relationships and really focusing in on our family. And friends right now.

I absolutely love that. So listen, I want to talk about the obvious as we're encouraging people to build routine, as we're encouraging people to get into this new normal with everybody home. And the obvious question is this, how do they work staying informed into the routine without going down the rabbit hole of, let's be honest, for some of us, this is like watching the movie Contagion, only real life. So how do they maybe dip their toes into the news, stay informed, but not go down that rabbit hole and lose an hour, two hours, three hours of their time and even worse, not go into that funk of oh my God, things really are crazy out there.

Yeah, I think that they, you know, something that we're doing is we are going on like pick your website or app that you want to go on to, to stay informed and you can do 10 minutes in the morning, set a timer. You guys, I'm not kidding. You're going to live and die by a schedule and a timer. Yep, set a timer, go off of it when you're done, and then go to work or whatever you need to do. And then at night you can get informed again.

I think it's the best way to do it. 10 minutes in the morning and then 10 minutes in the evening and use a timer. I'm not kidding. I know a lot of you listening are like, oh, that's a good idea. I'll do 10 minutes block in the morning to be informed, 10 minute block in the evening to be informed. I can hold myself that. But you're going to go down the rabbit hole. So you need the timer to literally go off to wake you up out of that rabbit hole and say, nope, you've consumed enough. And trust me, you can consume enough in 10 minutes to be informed with what's going on.

You gotta, you need to listen to this because some of you are going to be done with this. 30, 60, 120 days, whatever it is, and you're gonna look back and you're gonna say, I let that opportunity go of connecting, of living life, of creating something, of writing a book, of whatever that thing is that you want to do or you wanna focus on, or you know, you wanna work through or you wanna learn. You're gonna look back and be like, I spent my entire time on the news and Instagram to learn that not much else changed.

And I'm gonna miss, I'm going to have missed this whole opportunity to write a book, to build a program, to reinvent myself, to get in shape, to do all these things that we've been praying for.

And that is going to be or it's not going to be. It's been my mantra every single day. Like, my mantra has been, I'm going to look back at this time as the time that I created so many things and invested in so many relationships and went really deep with the things that I wanted to do and learn. I'm going to look back at this time as the foundational period for everything that I did. Moving, moving forward. And that's my mantra. And it's driving me every day. Like every single day. I have decided right now, as long as I can run outside, I'm gonna go run three or six miles every single day. So that's the first thing I check off. I'm like, nothing. I don't think of anything else until that run is done. And I make sure that I leave before 10am Like, I have to leave. I'm trying to leave before 9:30am well.

Because you have your protected times laid out. I mean, and this is something that I really think to you and me, it seems obvious, but I think we need to mention here. The reason why you've got the time that you leave by is because you know when your protected time, meaning when we pray, meditate, say our mantras, read our books, have our coffee, get our workouts, all that stuff that's good for us, to fill us up first. You have your protected time separated from your work zone, so to speak. And that's what people need to do. You need to choose when is your protected time to fill your cup? When is your work zone that you're gonna go ahead and lock yourself down and do all this great work in. And for many of you, you're gonna have to end the day with some form of protected time to get you back out of that work zone funk, or you'll just keep going forever.

And for those of you who can't work out in the morning, like he said, this can be a totally different time. But you have to look at the clock just as if you had a meeting with your boss or a meeting with your team. And you have to say, I my only time to go work out or put in that workout video or go on YouTube to get a workout video is to is from 12 to 1 or whatever that is. You need to have your shoes laid out. You need to be ready. You need to go and do that. Here's the deal, you guys. This is your mental health. This is your mental health. Take care of you. If you don't do these things. You know how you're going to feel? You felt this way yesterday or last week. Your head's going to hit the pillow. You're not going to feel accomplished. You're not going to feel like you did anything to feel like in a happy human being. Because you have to show up for yourself. You have to earn it. You have to put in the work to feel like a healthy human being. Meaning plan to eat healthy, plan your workouts, plan a little bit of communication time with people that you love. These are essentials. You are like a freaking plant. If the plant does not get sunshine, if it does not get healthy food and water, it's not going to grow. You're going to shrivel. And this is going to be the time that you are literally harming yourself. So let's not go down that path. It's very easy as a human. That's the, that's the normal path, right? I watch it. It's easy for me. Yesterday I was like, damn, all I want to do is start drinking. It was noon, you guys, and I'm not kidding you, I was like, I just want to like, hang out and drink. And instead I was like, no, okay, let's, let's show up for all appointments, which thank God that I had them. And then I was like, okay, you know what? I am going to set a timer. I'm going to take one hour to completely clean my house. I put on music, I lit candles, and I was like, one hour. Clean as much as you can because when your space is clear, you feel clear. I can't tell you how good I felt about myself last night. Like, hey, no one's telling me to do this stuff. I'm doing it. I'm so proud of me.

I'm proud of you too.

Thanks.

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Just mentioned something that we can't gloss over guys. Very crucial tip. Very crucial step. Laurie and I happen to have appointments every day because of the nature of the work that we do that forces us to adhere to these containers of protected time and work time. If you've just come home from work, if you don't have appointments set, then you need to manufacture appointments with other people so that you're held accountable to showing up to them in order to get your workday going quicker or in order to get your routine going quicker. I'm not kidding. Here's what happens is whatever you're doing, if you give a big container, it'll spread out to fill the container. If you give a small container, it'll contract to get the same amount done in a small container. So you need to create containers for yourself. And one of the best ways to do that is knowing you have to show up for somebody else on a zoom call, on a FaceTime, even if you have to put together two, three other guys, two, three other women in a tiny little daily tribe. And at 9 o', clock, you know that you guys are jumping on Zoom to go 10 minutes each of what your plan is for the day. Or if at 10 o' clock, you know that you're jumping on FaceTime and you guys are running down what your plan is for the day. If you have to build in these mini meetings every single day so that you have deadlines to show up for, for people to help you reinforce this routine, then by all means do it.

Yeah, it's, it is vital to have appointments. And when you said manufacture appointments, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm literally texting some of my friends like, hey, let's get an hour down or 30 minutes down next week on Tuesday, and let's just chat and see where we're at and how we could maybe help each other or just connect. Like, let's just have a connection chat. And I'm telling you, even just a connection chat, you guys, some of you are like, I don't really have friends who are in this business or whatever. It's like, make a meeting just to talk, and only about positivity and solutions right now. Because that little meeting is going to give you so much energy. So maybe you guys meet at like 8 o', clock, 8am, have coffee together.

Chapter of a book.

Have a coffee chat. Yeah, go through one chapter of a book and then talk about, like, you know, what do you think? Just ask questions off of it. How did this make you feel? How does this relate to your life? And then get off and go and do the things that you want to do for the day.

If I had to really sum this up, guys, here's the few things you need to be conscious of to put a bow on this. Number one, be informed, but only choose two times a day, about 10 minutes a day with the timer. Number two, make sure you define your boundaries with your protected time and your work time and anything else that needs to be defined with the boundary. Number three, make sure you have buy in from the whole family. Number four, manufacture appointments to reinforce these boundaries. And number five, Lori, any last summary tip of this.

Number five, make sure that you are talking to yourself in a very positive way and that you are making yourself proud every day. Like, ask yourself in the morning, what is one thing I could accomplish that would make myself extremely proud for the day. What do I need to do for my mental health? You guys, I am, I am the mental health queen. Because you can ask my husband. It's the first thing that will start to go for me if I don't take care of me. So it can feel really selfish sometimes. But you got time right now to take care of you. And I think that you'll learn how important it is to make sure your brain is a healthy, fruitful place so that you can take care of your family and other people. And the only way to do that is to stop consuming so much. And if you, if you do consume, only make it positive and to also just start creating, start talking, start learning. That is how you're going to change the way that you feel. Learning and doing, learning and doing.

That was a really good number five. I was thinking less is more. So we'll make number six, less is more. And guys, with that, we encourage you to send us your routines. If you want accountability, if you just want to feel like you have to send it to someone, like you're turning in your homework to your teacher. Feel free to DM Lori at Laurie Harder L O R I on Instagram. Feel free to DM me at Chris W. Harder on Instagram. In the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy. We appreciate you guys.

Love you guys. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more about. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye Bye.