510. Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions about COMMUNICATION answered

My default response has been to want to speed up and do more for people and do more stuff. And I was like, wait a minute, just give yourself a moment. Like give yourself a moment to figure out what you should be doing right now. Like how can you best serve instead of just scattering energy like I always do. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Evans. Welcome back to questionably awesome where you are my co host.

Hello Lori. Thank you so much for inviting me on.

Well, I'm glad that we could make this happen because we've got some crazy circumstances in the world right now and one thing that I know for sure is that if I'm good at anything, it's being a light and being funny and weird during this time.

Hundred percent you are a shining light.

I feel pretty like my belief is at 100% that you also are a nice weird shining light.

This is what, this is our time to shine. Lori, let it out.

We've been waiting for this. Now that you're all stuck at home, you have no other choice than to listen to us. It is a captive audience and we are choosing to make you a better version of you. Yeah, the at home version of you.

The at. What's the at home version of Lori?

Oh, well, she's not any different. Yeah, no she's not.

That's what I thought.

Although I have been finding it really challenging. Like you know, three or four o' clock rolls around and I'm like, is it time to have a cocktail yet?

Same. I'm like, is it, is it wine and cheese time? Are we gonna have some bread?

I don't understand like now I know when my husband's always like, my mother in law is always like, you guys don't get it. We just had happy hour every day. And I'm like, well I kind of get it now. Like you stay home all day. I've cleaned the house, I've talked to everyone, I've Done all my appointments. And then I'm like, yes, it's time to just relax and gaze into each other's eyes and have a martini and some cheese.

Right. I completely agree. It's. I mean, I've had a lot of carbs.

Yeah.

I'm happy about it.

I don't highly rec. I don't highly recommend that we do this for all of quarantine time, but today I woke up this morning. Do you know what I said to myself? I'm like, you're gonna not have a cocktail today. This is the goal.

I need to do that, too.

But you're on the road. Yeah. So let's talk about this. You're on the road. You're going home to your husband's family, Adam's family. So I just love that in and of itself, that you're gonna be a part of the Addams Family.

We're gonna be a part of the Addams Family. It's gonna be really fun.

And I don't know who's going to be cousin it or not. Or that. Do you think. Do you think that they'll have the hand walking around the house? Oh, my gosh.

That hand is so weird.

It's so creepy. But who doesn't want one? I'd be like, massage. Time for a massage. Get over here. Going to be it.

Yeah. Give me my snacks.

Snacks. Hand massage. I'd be like, feed me a Cheez it and then rub my shoulders.

Why are Cheez Its so good in a time of crisis?

I don't know. But, you know, Delta has recently switched over a lot of their snacks to Cheez Its. And they just come down that row over and over, and they're like, would you like some more? And I'm like, what do you think?

100%.

I just look at her and I say, what do you think? Just like that.

Like, here.

Kidding. Take two. I would never, ever do that. I'm more like, hmm. Let me see what's in the basket. Oh, Cheez Its are in here again. Oh, I better take some for later. That's what I do.

Same. I love the new Cheez Its. They're great.

I know they aren't. I. I don't want to get anyone excited. Like, Cheez Its did not come out with a new 2.0 version, but the new Cheez Its on Delta flights.

They're really good.

Oh, they're amazing. They're great in time of crisis, just like you said. Yeah.

So.

So what I want to share is that you are going home to Your husband's family's house. And we just talked for a minute about this, about how maybe, like, you might have to have a conversation for them. Like, hey, how do you function? How do you function best? Like, what is quiet time? When do I. Do you expect me to clean the house for rent or what's happening? Yeah.

What are our chores? What do I have to do to earn my keep? I don't. It's going to be, like you said, some boundary setting and fitting into their lives and seeing how we can continue with our things. And I'm really grateful that they're opening their home to us. That's really nice, but it's going to be weird living at home as an adult.

You know, I think if you really want to tap in, like, there are many, many other countries that actually do this.

Like, seriously, for real.

It's what they do. Like, they all live together for a very long time. So I would just probably find, like, appropriate names that they want to be called. So, sir, madam.

Not looking them in the eye when we walk into rooms, like, backing out of rooms, never turning our backs.

I just want you to call them, like, queen and then their name and then king and then his name. And I want you to constantly walk into every room like that. Like, kind of bent over. Yeah. With a jester outfit on.

We were thinking, because we're talking about how, you know, you're all stuck at home right now. So we decided we're gonna plan a date night for them at home and leave, like, an invitation outside their door and then cook dinner for them and pretend to be the servers.

Oh, my God, I love that. That is the best ever. Okay, you have to do that now. Cause now I need to talk about it on the next questionably. Awesome.

We have to do it. It's 100%.

Do you think they have, like, maid outfits and stuff? Housekeeper outfits and things?

Oh, yeah, they definitely have housekeeper outfits to change into.

I want you to both wear the sexy female ones. You and Adam.

Really short shorts for Adam.

And be like, don't be distracted by our outfits, please. Just enjoy your date, enjoy your dinner.

Oh, all right.

Well, we're going to draw a card for each other, but do we have a review of the week? Are people still writing in reviews right now?

They are, which is really nice.

That is more than appreciated. It really is.

This is from Dr. Sean Horn. She says, I beyond love this podcast. Content is. I know. The content is motivating and inspiring with tools to not only improve your life, but also fuel your Dreams, learn new things. Get a pick me up. Find motivation to press on. Learn business hacks for your success. It is all here. Thank you, Lori. You are a blessing.

Oh, my gosh. Doctor Who, Shawn.

Doctor Sean Horn.

Doctor Sean Horn. Thank you so much for putting that amazing review in. Like, I don't deserve it. Okay. I'm worthy. I'm worthy. Thank you. Loved every word.

That was really nice.

Hashtag I'm worth it. Thank you. I'm letting it soak in. Good.

You should.

All right, so moving on, we are going to. Instead of quotes, I'm going to draw a card for you. This is. I have one of Gabby Bernstein's. Let me see what deck this is.

I think it's.

Is it our Miracle Worker deck? I think so.

Right.

When I said Miracle Worker, it reminded me of Miracle Whip and it made me want to. Want a good sandwich on white bread with cheese Miracle. Just cheese, white bread and Miracle Whip.

Oh, that's a good sandwich for quarantine.

Oh, shit. That's a quarantine sandwich right there.

That's a quarantine sandwich all the way. Miracle Whip will last for years.

Well, if you. It's like we sit here meditating, expecting miracles, when we've forgotten to put the whip on our sandwiches and been like, I don't know, all you need, you know, we've been doing the wrong thing. We had it so right in the 80s and then we went and screwed it up with all this like self love and meditation. All right.

Yeah.

So it's just about the sandwiches, guys. Didn't you ever have a life changing sandwich from your mom with Miracle Whip on it? That made everything better.

It's such a comfort food.

Yeah, I did. Except one sandwich never felt like enough for me. I was definitely a little bit of a heavy kid. Oh, yeah, it was a two timer. That's a nice word for what I was called. Okay, so a two timer, I don't even know. All right, I am picking this card for you. It has a dragonfly on it. It says, I always trust the direction of the universe and know I'm being guided. That is your card. How do you feel about that?

I really like that because I think I'm like everyone else right now, feeling a little anxious about my job and what's gonna happen there and being out of Santa Monica for a little bit. So it's nice to just fall back on a thought that you're right where you're supposed to be. Things will fall into place. You just have to keep reminding yourself of that. That it's all okay in the end.

Mm. I love that. So true. I feel that one. I. I feel the exact same way. Okay. Pulling this card from myself, this says, instead of praying for an outcome, I pray for the highest good for all, and that is okay. I love this because this is also, like, I can't really foresee an outcome right now. So I'm just praying that there are things that are going on in this time that we can't see potentially resetting the environment. I've heard really great things are coming out of this horrible time for the environment as far as emissions and air quality in China and so many different things that are somewhat healing because things are slowing down, even though it is a terrible time for so many other things.

Right.

So just praying for the highest good of all that can come out of this, whatever that looks like. Maybe it's bringing us closer together. Maybe it's reminding us to just stop for a minute and see if our lives are matched up and aligned with what we actually feel called to in the world. And. Yeah. Cause I. I've even noticed such a slowdown of just, like. It's funny, my. My default response has been to want to speed up and do more for, like, do more for people and do more stuff. And I was like, wait a minute. Don't, like, just give yourself a moment. Like, give yourself a moment to figure out what you should be doing right now. Like, how can you best serve instead of just scattering energy like I always do?

So.

So.

Absolutely.

All right, sister, you got a cue?

Oh, yeah. Do we have cues?

We always got cues.

Here's a cue on communication, which is probably relevant right now.

Very. That's all you got?

That's all you got right now? This is from Al Lands, and they ask, how do you learn to use different types of. Of communication with different types of situations?

I've been thinking so much about communication right now because I have had some communication on my team that I've had to do. And I'm realizing we had a couple problems, like spur up, which are completely normal problems for businesses and with different people that you have on your team. Because we have a lot of different personalities, and they use different language and they respond differently. And they, you know, a couple of them weren't, like, understanding how the communication style of the others. And so we had to sit down and figure out what it was that was, number one, triggering what got misunderstood.

Where?

Why? What? You know, what was the expectation that wasn't being spoken? And this is, as I'm saying it. This is obviously your relationships with your spouse, with your friends, with your family. Like, we overlook so many little, little, you know, irritants all the time. And I don't think that's a good idea. I think it's better to. Especially if you're all at home with your kids and with your spouses and you're trying to get closer to your friends right now, you know, via online or whatever that looks like. It's kind of like, why not. Why don't we take this time to understand each other and be like, hey, I just am so curious. Like, what. When you said that, what has made you feel that way? Like, what makes you say it with that type of feeling or with that type of. You know, the thing about conversations is, no matter what they're triggering in the beginning, I really believe that in order to solve something, it gets worse before it gets better. There are the moments of, like, the worst conversation ever, and this is so awkward and this doesn't feel good and. And I'm not saying one conversation solves it because that's kind of what we were talking about on our team. It's kind of like, well, this is going to have to be an ongoing conversation of, like, learning how to get better. And that's how Chris and I were. Like, when he came home, he spoke a totally different language. He was very harsh. He was very, like, straight to the point. He did not sugarcoat things. And a lot of the things he was saying, he was not a compassionate person in the beginning because he just, you know, he came from mortgage and finance. It was like, hit your goal or, like, don't, like, just piss or get off the pot. Was like, nothing was taken into consideration.

Right.

And we had a whole, you know, and that's not the business I run. I run a business that has a lot to do with compassion. So it was like, what is this language that we can use? How can we. How can you teach me a beautiful way to talk about numbers and make sure that I keep this a business? But also, how can I show you how important it is to be compassionate in different areas? So it was crazy. How about you? I know that being a newlywed, you have. You are melding languages. So tell me what you guys did and are doing.

Oh, yeah. Especially when you're in the foxhole with your partner. For. We've been together since March 7th now. Yeah. So it's been a long time. And it's been really wonderful, though, because I think we're both kind of catching ourselves if we get short about something, you just kind of have to pause and be like, okay, let's think about the circumstances we're in right now. Of course, we're a little on edge with everything that's going on. So just being able to try to take those pauses has really helped me. And even things like, for instance, you and Chris, you do a great job of drawing boundaries and like, okay, now this is work time. We're working together as a couple. This is, we're getting all these tasks done and then you have that reset with walking your dog. And this is our time to relate to each other as a couple. So we're trying to do that too. And it's hard. But just, just pausing, I think has helped a lot for me personally.

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Oh my God. I'm pausing so much right now because I like when I'm in between meetings. I'm not really. It's funny, I have, I've learned to like designate time on my phone in between like for certain times. And Chris will use the time in between his meetings to be on his phone. So he's 24, seven work until about seven or eight at night right now. Well, we're totally obviously normally at home, but now we're really like now I don't have other team to talk to so I like to like have a shake and be like, hey, what's going on in your day so far? He doesn't like that. So he is like very short with me and like I'm still working. So no matter how many conversations I've had with him around, like, hey, you don't have to say it like that. It hasn't changed that much on his end. But I'm also really aware, like he's told me so many times, please don't take it personal. If you ask me while I'm doing something, I'm probably gonna be short with you because I'm working this whole time. If I'M on my phone. And so I am now aware that like, oh, to him, it probably seems really annoying that I'm talking to him while he's on his phone, even though he's out in parts of the home that I think are like a free for. But that's not the case at all. So for me, it wasn't about like, stop talking to me that way. It was like, oh, I do keep on doing the thing that he's told me over and over to him is irritating because he's like, if you see me and I'm getting a shake or water and I'm on my phone or doing something, he's like, I'm still working, so he doesn't want to be bothered. And to me, I'm just like, talk to me, please.

Nobody. What?

Yeah, there's nobody here.

We don't have anyone else to talk to.

But I get it. He's trying to get through. You know, he's working with hundreds of people, entrepreneurs in DMs. And I'm like, oh, okay, let's just. We're going to sit tight till six or seven at night and then I'll ask, is this a good time first?

Yeah. And I love what you said about kind of reframing the communication with your team now too. I'm. I'm struggling with that with my boss right now just because we're far away and we've never done a remote thing before, so just kind of coming up with checkpoints throughout the day. And how, how do we communicate best with each other? Because a lot of people are like, they physically like, want to see you on Skype all day typing. And it's like, that doesn't work. You've got to, you've got to come up with different systems. And we're all in this together. It's. It's a struggle for everybody.

Yeah, I think the, you know, the people who can just realize it's going to feel uncertain and it's going to feel challenging. And like, if you can sit in that. I'm really sitting in like the, the uncertainty and discomfort and being like, this is how it feels like. And it will, you will find a groove. Like, I know it sounds crazy and you probably don't feel that way, but I'm actually a little bit like, once people find their groove after like these two or three months, I think they're gonna find it really challenging to go back and be like, well, dang, we kind of found this at home groove. Like, why do we have to Go in. So we'll.

We'll seriously.

Yeah, we shall see. But I do think we are gonna crave that community. But I think it will reset a lot of things. Like, it's making me look at Res Team because I'm like, I don't know if we need to be here all the time. Like, I'm really enjoying some of my at home time and they're. They're kind of like thriving doing their work from home, even though they miss obviously some, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Connection. But. So, okay, what was that? The question we answered?

Yeah, yeah, we answered one.

I was like, did we answer one question? I think we just did one question.

She want another question.

You know, we've gone for 20 minutes, I think, oh, my gosh. There we go. I know that you're on the road as well and you just checked into a hotel and I was like, whose house are you in? It looks like I'm in someone's home or someone's hotel. And they gave you blueberry muffins.

Yeah, warm blueberry muffins. It was so sweet. People really show their true colors and compassion and kindness in hard times. It's really. It's a really nice reminder of the good things.

I am telling you. I've been going on runs and the people that I've seen, like, pass me on runs. We have been like completely eye contact and smiling. I'm also making obviously an intention to do it, but at the same time, I feel like they are too. So. Yeah, it's been really. It's been beautiful just watching some of the people and what they're doing. So it's been interesting. So we will sit tight and I will be able to do this podcast with you from Adam's family next week, right?

Yeah. And I'll tell you how the date goes.

Yeah, I can't wait for that. Make sure you take pictures of your outfits.

Okay, I will.

No, I don't think you're gonna do that, but. All right.

I can't wait to hear.

And more ways to be creative from home coming right up, you guys, sending you so much love. Wherever you're at, we know you're in your home. So sending love straight to your homes.

Straight to your house.

And until next time, be questionably awesome.

Yeah. Bye, everyone. Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing. And we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye bye.