519. This will be the time that MAKES you who you are

If you don't start that thing that you wanted during this time, it's not a time problem. It's never been a time problem. It's a discipline problem. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to yourself soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Welcome back to the podcast. It's time for another quickie because there's always time to fit in inspiration. And now more than ever, I am so grateful for this community and I know that it is just the greatest thing to be able to sit down here and talk to all of you and be able to see all of you on stories and what you're doing inside of your homes and many of us still able to take walks with which. What a freaking blessing. Talk about a interesting time in history. Living through a global pandemic. I can probably honestly say I never thought I would see this in my lifetime. But looking back historically, I'm learning a lot about patterns in history and just looking back at, you know, everything that other people have gone through and making me extremely compassionate for different generations and also for future generations coming up. So I just wanted to tell you guys thank you and also for tuning in. It means the world to me because I am doing my best. Also just navigating these interesting circumstances and really watching and being an observer to how I'm feeling right now. I am noticing that from one day to the next, I feel completely different and I feel a completely different energy around what I think I should be doing. And I'm watching kind of as my should is falling into more of a graceful conversation. After three weeks now in Los Angeles of we have more of the quarantine where everything has been closed down now for three weeks. Moving into our fourth week now, which is kind of crazy. I can't believe we're already in week four and really observing how the first few weeks it was like just you're just getting like yourself to get. You're just getting collected. Like it's, it's literally Taking that long to even sink in that there's going to be a new way of life. I can't. I. I'm guessing it's probably like getting fired from a job or when you quit a job and you're like, oh, my God, it's getting really real. Like I'm starting something new or doing something totally different. And I remember when I closed down my gym and it was the last time that I actually had to physically be somewhere and started working from home. And it was like the first month was like, I didn't know up from down. I had no routine. I was like, found myself standing in front of my refrigerator more times than I can tell you throughout the day, maybe like 50 times, just staring at nothing. Like, what do I do now? Or cleaning the house again and again. And that's okay. That is okay. So those are the moments that you're just like, okay, I'm observing that I haven't known what to do and that I really have been a pattern. Like, I have been a programmed pattern. I am just a person who is following these patterns. And now it's almost overwhelming to people because we get a bit of a choice. And I know that there's a lot of parents at home right now who definitely feel like they don't have a choice. And I can't even imagine what that's like because I'm trapped inside with a little land shark puppy that I have to keep my eyes on 24 7. And I used to be able to get a break by having my team watch them or somebody else watch them. And right now it's just not getting that break during the day as much. So something. Here's a couple of the different things that I have been going back and forth on, and I really hope that this helps you. And maybe if you're in that place of needing more grace, this isn't going to be the podcast that's going to resonate with you. So if you are in that place, just take this for a grain of salt or as we always say, eat the fruit and spit out the seeds. But for me, this is what's really firing me up, because I'm finding another gear. And on the days that I don't feel like doing anything, or the days that I'm feeling kind of depressed, or the days that I'm just not feeling that extra. I don't even know sparkle brightness that I know that I'm capable of having, those are the days that I let it be okay. But I also stay in routine because without routine, I get really anxious and depressed really quickly, especially being in my home. So routine is really driving me in a massive way. That's also why I put out that better together 30 challenge. So if you guys want to join that, it starts on any day that you start. So your day one is literally the day that you decide to start. And you can start it over after the 30 days. You can do as much or as little as you want. If you want to get on that challenge, you can text me challenge to 310-496-8363. And I will send you the link to all of the videos and exactly what that free challenge entails. And it's five free workout videos that I was actually going to release as DVDs a couple years ago, and I never ended up doing it. So it's a beautiful challenge. It's a beautiful project. I hope that you really enjoy it. And back to what I'm chatting about. So there's that quote that I absolutely love. I'm not sure who says that. I have two quotes here that I don't know who says them, but it is, wherever you go, there you are. And I think a lot of us have been trying to run from experiencing the pain of looking at their life, looking at the pain of what they feel like they're not looking at the pain of what maybe they have not to do right now. Like, wow, I would have loved to start that business. Wow, I would have loved to do that thing or have that hobby right now in this time. And now I have nothing. And instead of looking at that, at what you don't have, you really have to look at what you do have and what you can do. So I love what my friend Kat Goldened said on a video of hers yesterday that I saw on Instagram. She said, you have to stop asking a why question, and you have to start asking a what question? What? Instead of why. So why did this happen? Why is this happening? Why are we going through this thing? Why do they keep taking things away slowly instead? What can I do right now? What could I learn? Who's online teaching guitar? Who's online teaching, you know, different skills? Who's online teaching art? Who's online teaching photography? Who's online teaching about how to start a course? Who is online doing all of these amazing things? And my answer to you is everyone. And if you're choosing to not see it, it's because you're choosing to sit in that pain because that has been a decision your whole life. To sit in the pain or to choose what doesn't feel good, or to keep tolerating things that you don't like and kidding yourself. We get so good at lying to ourselves. I just read this line in Q's book. It says, even when you're. I might slaughter it, but it was about Even when you're telling your truth, we can be telling a lie, right? Even when you're telling what you think is true, we can be telling a lie because we've convinced ourselves of something. A lot of us, including myself, have convinced ourselves that we're not capable of certain things. So we have taken it off the plate. Totally taken it off the plate. So I have people who, even on this challenge, have written me, like, I can't even get myself to work out because I don't think I can do hard workouts. Well, everybody can end up doing a hard workout. You just have to know what you can start with. You have to know that you can't be all or nothing. You have to know you can't be superwoman tomorrow. You have to know that you have to start with one habit every single day that's going to try to make you or that's going to make you feel more fulfilled. I saw another quote, of course, on Instagram, because that's where I'm living right now, like many of you, and it said, if you don't start that thing that you wanted during this time, it's not a time problem. It's never been a time problem. It's a discipline problem. So working on one discipline a day, what is that like? Even if it's like, I am not going to stop working out until I hit 20 minutes, I don't care what I have to do. I'm not going to disappoint myself again today. I am going to finish this so that I can finally feel good and tell myself a different story. I am not going to let myself down again. Right. Because if not, you have to look at the fact again that you are choosing. Why are you choosing the pain? Why are you choosing the pain with no reward? Is that a habit? What is it? So I was listening to a podcast with Jenna Kutcher and Dean Graziosi, and he was talking about seven layers deep and finding your why and using the seven layers deep method of finding your why. So it's like, oh, I wanna start that business. Okay. Why? Because I need some extra money. Okay. Why do you need extra money? Because I want time freedom. Okay. Why do you want time freedom? Because I wanna be Able to do the things that I wanna do. Okay, great. Why do you wanna be able to do the things you do? Because I've never been able to do them before. Okay, why? Because I don't want to sit in the pain of thinking that my life is and the control of my life is in the hands of somebody else. Okay, why? Because I watched my mom hand her life over to somebody and be miserable and think that she had no control over what she was doing and be a victim and be sad her whole life and spend it wanting something else and wishing for something else. Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Now we're getting somewhere. Try that. You guys go to the seven layers deep and that is partially my story and partially not my story. I have so many different stories. If I go seven layers deep and question the whys of everything that I want. And I will tell you what we do is either running towards pleasure. The decisions we make either bring us towards pleasure, right? We're either running towards temporary pleasure or what we think could be long term pleasure, or we're running away from pain. So every decision we make, we're running towards something we think it's going to bring us or we're running away from pain. And a lot of times when we are running away from pain, we're probably causing even more pain because we're choosing something that only gives us temporary pleasure and actually just keeps extending that other long term pain. So what are you running from? And what is your actual why? And can you actually use that to dig a little deeper during this time? So I have to tell you guys that this time is going to. It's going to make a lot of people. You're going to find out what you're made of. You're going to look back and say, this was the time that I met myself, my true self, my highest self. The person that I knew that I could be. This is the time that I dug so deep that I actually moved forward and showed up for myself. And then a lot of you are, this is going to break you. You're going to believe that you're a victim. You're going to wait and see. You're going to be someone who is a wait. You're going to be one of the wait and sees. I'm going to just wait and see what happens. Well, let me tell you, nobody is out there building your future. Nobody is out there worried about you right now. Nobody is out there thinking about you at all. They are thinking about their family. They are thinking about what they can do for their company. They are thinking about everything but that. So if you don't think about you, if you think about, don't stop waiting. Nothing is coming for you. Nothing is coming. You have to start doing things for you, even if you don't know what it is in business. You have to start taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. And here is why is I believe that when we really take care of ourselves emotionally and physically and through healthy food, through movement, through prayer, through meditation, through connecting with people, we can all still do those things. That is when you're gonna get your answers. Because we have these perfect vessels that know what to do and know how to take care of us, including our brains, if we treat our brains and our bodies right. So you have to have faith that if you show up for yourself in those way, you're gonna start getting answers. But if you don't, you're not gonna hear answers. You're only gonna hear victim mode. You're only gonna stay in self sabotage. So this time, just like back in 2008, 2009, when 2008 literally made me who I was. 2008 and 2009 made because it was the time that I had to sit and look at what I believed about myself. Because after the recession and Chris lost or both of us, Chris lost his job and we lost our house and our cars and we're $300,000 in debt. I didn't have a choice but to look at what I believed about my capabilities. And I was wanting to believe that I could put my fate in the hands of other people and that they would save me or feel bad for me. And I wanted to believe that I couldn't do it because I just didn't want to do the hard things. I didn't wanna face my anxiety head on. I didn't wanna believe that I would have to have these panic attacks in front of people in order to get over them and learn how to really cope with them. I didn't wanna have to find other ways of coping with my social anxiety besides drinking. I didn't wanna have to look at myself sabotaging binging ways. I didn't wanna have to give up those weird addictive habits and pleasures that were actually causing me more pain than I even can tell you. I didn't wa sick and twisted habits because it was an addiction. It was all I knew and it was all that I saw and it was how I thought the world worked. And let me tell you, a lot of you are having to look at that right now. And what I realized is that nothing was going to happen, especially after losing everything. I had to. If I wasn't going to change, I was probably going to kill myself, whether it was through alcohol or through drugs or just depression or whatever that looked like. So a lot of us are having to look at what do I believe about my capabilities? What do I think I can do? And if it's that you don't believe you can do things, you're gonna have to change your mantra right now to I can do hard things or I can do something hard every single day and prove to myself, even if it's 20 minutes, that I can do this. You have to pick yourself up every single day. You have to remember there is something so much bigger than you than that you can tap into. You have to say a prayer. You have to connect with people. You have to listen to podcasts, have to read books and for the love of God, go move your body and please nourish yourself with something good for you today. You will get the answers. If you do that. You will this could be the time that will make you Instead of this could be the time. This is the time. This is your mantra. This is the time that will make you. This is the time where you will meet your highest self. What is the story that you are going to to tell from this?

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What is the story that you are going to tell from this time? It is the time that you let your old self die. And let me tell you, it doesn't feel good. It feels like a death. But when you do that and you sit in that fire and you let your old self burn away, you will be completely transformed. This doesn't happen doing five things on your list a day. This happens doing one thing every single day. Even if it's just for 20 minutes. And after your 20 minutes are moving your body, you say okay Lori, now it's time to go drink a big glass of water and take your vitamins. Come on. You have to take care of yourself. No one else is going to do this for you. Let's go. Okay, on three. Let's go. One, two, three, go. That's literally what I do every single day. I say, no one's gonna do this for you. If you wanna be happy, you gotta go make this for yourself. You gotta go do this for yourself. You gotta go take care of yourself. If you want more love, you have to give it to you, right? If you want more support, you gotta support yourself first. So how can you support yourself? So you guys, this will be the time that makes you. This will be the time that makes you. This will be the time that you meet your highest self. If you sit in that fire and you look at it, go seven layers deep. Keep asking why. Why do I need to do this? What am I running from? What's my actual why that I'm going to use every single day that's going to drive me? What is it? What is it? Right? It can be, you know, it doesn't have to be some profound thing like you want to help feed the world or help help stop the homeless epidemic. It doesn't have to be that at first. It can be as simple as. Because I do not want to let my children see that they or believe that they don't have choices like I believed. I want to prove to them that no matter what happens or what's going on in the world, that they have a choice. Right? And if you don't have kids, it could be as simple as I don't ever want to feel the pain of thinking that I'm one person paycheck away from getting kicked out of this life. Right? I want to believe that I am in control. I want to feel content and fulfilled at least for 50% of my life. I can't take it anymore. Find your why and think of it daily. Think all the way through to the end. That's the only way that you're going to get motivated. If you think of short term things like, eh, be so much easier right now to turn on Netflix and crack open a beer at noon. I get it.

That's easy.

I've lived that life. And then you can't stand yourself for the rest of the day. So my motivator in the beginning was I can't take another day where I can't stand myself. Right? I didn't want to do that. It was like, what would make me feel like I was going through a day where I actually started to like who I was and look in the mirror and be proud of who I was, right? What is that going to be even if it's just like, whoa, maybe I'm going to try to not drink today. Maybe I'm just going to try to not have a cocktail today. And that's it. Whatever that is, just pick one and go with it every day. And it's gonna start clearing up your life and clearing up your brain to get some answers. So I'm sending you guys so much love. I would love to hear what your biggest takeaway was from this. If somebody needs this right now, you know they're really suffering, just text them, text them because it could be a bright spot in their day. Just send them the link. You can go on the little, the three dots on this podcast, hit them and it hits. You can do copy link and then share the link to somebody and just text them and let them know you're thinking of them and say, hey, this really helped me. I don't know if it could help you right now, but if so, great. Here you go. I'm sending you so much love once again, until next time, earn your happy, everyone. Bye bye. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye bye.