525. He said, She said

The only thing certain is that we're in a very uncertain world. And the amount of uncertainty that you can handle is what is going to make you completely unshakable. And you handle that uncertainty by knowing that you are the producer of your life. Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go.

All right, everybody, we are back. Babe, how you doing?

I'm great. Welcome to another episode of he said, she said, where I go on Chris's podcast and he comes on my podcast.

So. Speaking of he said, she said, I want to talk about finances. I want to take you back a little more than a decade. I want to take you back to when he said, that's weird, talking in the third person.

Let me tell you what she said.

But I want to take you back to when I came home from work. I was the only breadwinner. We were facing the 2008, 2009 financial crisis, and I said, babe, I lost my job. I took a severance package. We have to get rid of everything and start over. And I don't think I quite said it in, like, one sentence like that, but that was the gist of it over a couple of days. What were you thinking?

I mean, we. We kind of started to see it coming, you know, the last couple weeks, but it just was so real. It's almost like you don't think that's ever going to happen. Let's face it, you don't think that's ever gonna happen. It's just, like, exactly what we're facing right now. If I'm gonna be honest, I didn't ever think I would see this in my lifetime. Yeah, I just really thought, like, pandemics were because we didn't have access to the science and knowledge that we have now, and that's absolutely, obviously not the case. So the thing about when that all happened the first time, you know, I grew up in a family that we had a couple surprises where the rug was Pulled out from under us like that. It's not looking back. It's not that an expert couldn't have seen it coming. They would have seen it coming from a mile away. But I did not see it coming when my family went bankrupt and when we once again had to sell everything. So this was almost like, oh my God, this is happening again, but in a completely different scenario where here's what I really want to set up for people. Growing up, I didn't feel that safety and security. I always knew our business was kind of rocky. And then getting married and marrying somebody who I thought had this amazing secure corporate job, everything was going really well. You were moving up the ladder, we were making more and more money, we were moving into bigger houses. That sense of security was there for me for a very long time. So when that happened for like the second time in my life, I just, my response was, it wasn't shock whatsoever. I think it was the moment of settling in, of like, whoa, nothing is uncertain. And so I went to the only response that I know works. And I didn't even know if it would work. But, but here's now it's proven right, I know this works. The response was, all right, we cannot focus on what happened to us. The only way we are getting through this is to start looking at our options and to start thinking in a way that's going to, you know, what are, what are, what's the opportunity? I started to look at the, you know, where is the silver lining? Where's, where is the lesson? And I remember on a walk being like, we are only allowed to talk about solutions.

Uh huh.

I remember that walk.

I was so down and out on the lake.

I remember where we were. Like, I remember which part of the lake we were on. And I just remember thinking like, from here on out, we are only allowed to talk about solutions. And that's that. Yes. Can we acknowledge where we are?

Of course.

But we're not dead. We have our health. And yes, everything is completely different than we thought. And I do know, here's the thing, here's what I wanna kind of chat about right now is I think that a lot of people's identities are getting rocked. What's happening is they're having to look at themselves and be like, oh my God, look at where my identity was. Like, remember Chris, I really felt like I lost you for about a month or two because your identity was so wrapped up in making money that I remember you just like disappearing emotionally.

Well, it was wrapped up in being.

A provider A provider?

Yes. And I had such a false sense what being a good provider was back then. So here's what I thought. Being a good provider was making it so that you didn't have to work paying all the bills so that you didn't have to worry about paying them and trying to put you in a big, pretty home with nice cars to drive while I ran off to work and worked 60 hours a week or 70 hours a week or flew out of town or whatever it was. That is such a warped sense of what a provider is. But I grew up seeing so many examples of that, that that's what I thought doing a good job as a provider was. And so I had. When we lost everything, when I lost my job and I was the only breadwinner, and when I said, babe, we got all the cars, we got to sell the house, we got. So all these things I had my pride wrapped up in. I had to reinvent what I thought of myself. And it took a while.

Yeah.

And I had to choose again how. And. And I had to choose again, like, how I wanted to add value to the world and how I wanted to add value to you. And I had to choose again, like, what did I think being a good provider actually was?

It's a.

This is.

It's reorganizing everybody right now. So actually, as. As painful as this is, there's always gifts. Exactly. Like what we said, find the hidden gifts last week. And this is reorganizing people's, like, what they believe about their relationship, what they believe about their identities and their relationship, what men are attached to, thinking that identifies them. And same with women. And for me, in that moment, I remember just watching you become, like, you know, really depressed and just kind of, like, disappearing. Like, I didn't recognize you for a while. I wasn't remotely upset. I wasn't like, oh, my God, I can't believe this happened. How did you let this happen to us? What does that solve? Like, that's what a lot of people do. And I. There's people close in my family who. That's what happened. I watched that, you guys. That does nothing but drive a wedge between the two of you, and it absolutely, like, it keeps you stuck.

Great advice, Graham. So glad you acknowledged that you. I remember expecting you to react that way, and you didn't. And that's what made our comeback much faster and much more attainable, because there wasn't this sense of divide or blame. There was like, all right, I remember this. I remember you said, I am never going to let this happen to us again. I literally remember you saying that. And that became the start of you and your career and you really putting yourself out there. Which first was a. As a fitness, I'm going to say it, fitness icon or fitness celebrity. And then turned self development personality. And now the other businesses that you're starting, none of that would exist without that moment of you choosing to say, I will never let this happen again. Let's go together. Instead of you saying, how could you? You're to blame. This is horrible.

So there. I know. Like, I just got such a download. There's a lot of people stuck right now in. You did this to us. How could we not be prepared for this? How don't we have money for X, Y and Z? And it's holding. It's because we're afraid to get to that next level of ourselves that we. That we're capable of. And that it's you guys this time is forcing you to meet your highest level. And it's a scary thing because you know that there's a lot of work involved, there's a lot of putting yourself out there and there's a lot of letting the old you die. So it does feel like a death because you are letting go of a past identity where it's very easy to blame your friends, your partner, the way that you were raised, your lack of education, the news, your circumstances. And I had a million circumstances that I could have blamed, but I've already lived that. I've already seen, you know, parental figures do that and blame that. It doesn't get you anywhere but lower than you already are. The only way out is to take full responsibility for wherever you are. No matter what is happening in your relationship, in your life and your family, there's always something you weren't looking at or you knew was kind of there, but you weren't acknowledging. Like, if there's no money for you this week and your partner was providing, did you ever think to ask or look or ask about funds or see funds? Like, there's always a role and responsibility that we could be playing. And Chris, there was a part of me that was like, how are we spending all this money? Like, how are we getting all this stuff?

Like, you had intuition.

Oh, I had a total intuition. But you know what? I just wanted things. And I'm being honest. Like, I was in a place of like, things define me because I had never had them growing up and new and exciting. I just craved things. I remember just thinking, like, I want new clothes and I Want a bigger house. And. And then when it was all torn away, I was like, oh, my God. I played a role in this too. Like, I put. I put financial pressure on him around buying a bigger home, around wanting different things or vacations or whatever that looked like.

So one of the things that I teach in my course, the Money Principles, by the way, if you guys are like, what is the Money Principles? I took everything from this moment where we lost everything. And I said, never again. And Lori said, never again. And we decided to learn how to think and we decided to learn how to operate with money. And like, this was a mission that we set out on and muscled our way through and learned. And that's what created our comeback, right? And so Shameless Plug. Go to the truthaboutmoney.com if you wanna check out the Money Principles. It's half price and you get to gift one for free to a friend right now. We just want it in people's hands. The truth about mine. Dot com. Anyhow, that's not the point. The point was this. What we did was one of the things that we changed. That's in the Money Principles is we started having money dates where we would go and whether it was on a walk, whether it was at a restaurant, whether it was in the park, and I would give you an update on the state of the union, so to speak. Hey, here's how much money we have in the bank right now. Right now. Here's how much our net worth is right now. Here is. And I involved you in it and you wanted to be involved in it at least once a month. And that's what people need to do, is a money date is not the time to solve any problems. No, it's just a state of the union. Here's where we're at. Where we're at. So that both parties have responsibility in knowing where you're at at least once a month.

I think that's important. So if you guys are feeling this way right now, like, to sit down and have an actual conversation where you. This is going to be the hardest thing you ever do, but you pull emotion out of it and you don't point any finger fingers. And you literally don't blame.

Like, don't solve anything in that.

You don't solve, you don't blame. It's like, where are we at right now? And you don't need your partner to be on board with you to start thinking of ideas to make money. Because, Chris, like, when you were depressed, you weren't ready to even you were like, I don't know what you are.

You.

You didn't know. Because here's the thing, is, like, he. He thought that he was. Chris is fricking brilliant, right? Like, he's ridiculously brilliant with numbers, with business. But at the time, he thought his skill set was only in what he did. So when that industry completely disappeared, I remember you saying, like, I don't know what else I'm good at. Like, this is all that I've known is this industry. And I didn't sit there and point and blame you. I was like, okay, I don't need him to be at his A game. I don't need him to support me. All I need is for him to be like, yeah, whatever. Like, do whatever. All I knew was I was like, how do I relieve some pressure right now? And that really started opening up different ideas for me. I was like, well, I guess I don't need a big fancy gym. I guess I don't need, you know, whatever sort of education that I thought, like, you can start making money pretty damn quickly when you start thinking that way.

And that's what you did. We do. You remember, your first gym was that janky basement of a chiropractor space. But then your next gym, we spent weekends and nights remodeling on the cheap with our own blood, sweat, and tears, buying the cheapest materials that we could. An old car repair garage.

Yeah.

Do you remember that?

Oh, yeah.

But it worked. It turned into a beautiful studio that served for years. You got to make a lot of money there. It's where you invented your monthly program, and we would film that. Guys, you don't need a lot of money to. Or, I'm sorry, a lot of anything to start a business. Here's what you need. Your idea, A way to deliver it. So for most of you, it's gonna be. Do you deliver it over Zoom, over FaceTime through Amazon, and then you just need a way to collect for it. Is that stripe? Is that PayPal? Is that Venmo? I have people, I have friends who start a business idea in the morning, and they're already collecting on PayPal in the afternoon. So if you're in a jam, that's what you can do. Ask yourself, what are the greatest needs right now that are created out of this crisis? And how do my current skill sets and my past experience solve those needs? Boom. You're in business.

Oh, my God. This just. This just happened. So my friend Alexis. I won't say her last name. Cause I don't Want her. Don't know if she wants me to share. She literally. Her business was not online whatsoever. It was actually something that she was doing and building and using her hands, and she was like, holy crap. Like, what do I do? And she's really great with, you know, I know how to set up this type of business. And I was like, okay, fastest thing you can do is, like, group coaching, teaching about what you've done. And I'm like, start shaking the trees and just see if you can put together group coaching on Zoom. She just filled it. She wanted 10 spots. The girl did not shut up till she got 10 spots. She filled it last night. She could not be more excited. She just has week one done, like, of her first module, and that's all she needs right now, and she can start week two this week. So I'm just like, look how fast that can happen. Because she was just. She let go of her ego. She was like, you know what? She's like, literally a professional in her arena. Like, people are dying to work with her out in the norm when the world was, you know, as it was, and we were doing events, and it's like, now. She just pivoted on a dime, did not think twice about it, let her ego go. Like, even though she felt like she didn't know what she was doing. I got so many texts, like, I'm not sure. I don't know what I'm doing. And then she just kept going, like, pushing through that. That fear. But what we're talking about here, you guys, is exactly what she did. That mindset of letting your ego go. Like, I don't know that if you say, I don't know, you are giving all of your power away to really nothing.

Because you do know you can do opinions.

Yeah. You got to look stupid. You got to fail. You just got to see what works. And honestly, big money doesn't tend to come right away at all. It comes in, like, all you got to do is prove to yourself that you can sell a 29 program or a $49 program or $500 group coaching for four weeks, whatever that looks like. You guys, it's like, you got to do that trial period of proof that you are the person that can make money. What do you call that when it's the person?

Proof of concept. Wait, what do you mean? Oh, that you're an entrepreneur.

Yeah. But you. You call it something amazing. I can't remember.

I forget. Lori's right, though, guys. So let's set the ego aside in terms of what am I losing? Let's set the ego aside of in terms of how am I gonna look if I admit this, guys. There's no shame in your current financial fears right now. No shame. There's no shame in your comeback game, but there's only shame if you decide to pretend that everything's okay or not take action. And this is the time to take massive action, to not care what anybody thinks. And I promise, you can be a success story coming out of this thing, just like we were a success story coming out of 2008. 2009.

2026 is the year that you launch your business. It's the year that you've become the boss. You become the leader. That idea that you have that has been eating at you forever that just will not leave you alone is going.

To come to life.

Maybe it's something that someone tells you you should always sell or a store you've already designed in your head. And with Shopify, 2026 is when you.

Finally make it happen.

Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household name to first time business owners. Just getting started you guys. I use Shopify for glossy and I remember when they sent me my little shopping bag celebrating my 10,000 sales and I literally cried because I was so scared to take the leap. And I'm so glad that I did.

And that I use Shopify.

It gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. You can choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand setup is fast with Shopify. Shopify's built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit photos. So marketing is built in too. You can create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. So as you grow, Shopify grows with you. You can handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all from the Same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com happy go to shopify.com happy that shopify.com happy hear your first cha ching this new year. With Shopify by your side.

Too many.

People finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained and unfulfilled. I know that. I have experienced that myself. And the good news is it doesn't have to be this way. And you don't need a new job to fix it. Patrick Lencioni, author of the five Dysfunctions of a Team and More Than A dozen other bestsellers created the working Genius assessment to help you pinpoint the kind of work that gives you energy, the kind that lights you up, and it also shares the kind that drains it. So over a million people, including me, have taken it and completely changed how I lead and show up every day. If you're a CEO, an entrepreneur, or someone who just wants to level up in business and in life, working genius is going to give you the clarity and confidence to operate in your strengths and find greater joy in what you do. Because confidence isn't pretending to be good at everything. It's knowing where you're truly gifted. Take the working genius assessment today and get 20 off with code earn@working genius.com. that's working genius dot com. You'll be glad you did it.

I just want to point out, like, a lot of. A lot of us are trying to avoid that pain of what's happening. And honestly, I'm. I'm digging in deep because pain is a big motivator. It's not the only motivator, and it doesn't have to stay your only motivator. That can get really unhealthy. But pain is one of the biggest motivators. And sometimes in life, if we don't create our own pain number one, or get outside external pain, we never move, we never reassess, we never take action. And for a lot of you, your old way of being was not working. So use a little bit of this pain to see what wasn't working and let it motivate you so that you don't have this again. Right. We either are our motivators. We're either running away from pain, which is kind of what you're doing right.

Now, or receiving pleasure.

Yeah, running towards pleasure and pain, by.

The way, is a much stronger motivator.

Avoiding pain, it's a way stronger motivator. So let yourself go there. Like, what if this happens again? How could you prepare yourself? Will you want to go through this again? This is not the last time that this could happen. Right now, we're very aware of that, that we live in a. The only thing certain is that we're in a very uncertain world. And the amount of uncertain uncertainty that you can handle is what is going to make you completely unshakable. And you. You handle that uncertainty by knowing that you are the producer of your life, by knowing that you are in control of your life, and by proving to yourself that you can show up for you during these times and that you're the creator of abundance. And wealth and peace of mind.

Mic chop. Love it, baby. Okay guys, listen. If you want to check out that course, go to the truthaboutmoney.com it's everything Lori and I had to learn when we were coming out of a similar time that you might be facing. It's half off and you get to gift one to a friend for free. So go to the truthaboutmoney.com other than that. Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening. We are always willing to lift the curtain, be vulnerable and share our stories so that if you feel like you're going through a similar story, you can be empowered to power through your personal story and come out the other end a success as well.

Love you guys. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn you your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more about. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.