526. Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions about RITUALS answered

We're kind of in this time where we can throw out expectations, even the expectations we had on ourselves. And I was like, what would it look like if I just did things I really enjoyed as long as it truly was supporting me?

Welcome to the Earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author.

Each week I'll bring you a guest.

Or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships.

We don't wait until we're ready for.

Someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me?

Here we go, Evans. Welcome to an episode of Questionably Awesome. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Co host.

Welcome to you, Lori.

Well, thank you.

What day? I think this is Thursday, you guys.

What day is it?

I don't know.

It's that weird time between Christmas and New Year's where you don't know what day it is.

It's.

Maybe it never ended. Like, maybe we're still in between that and we slipped into like a sink, a deep, dark sinkhole, and this is what's happening.

I mean, what do you think we.

Need to do to come out the other side, Evans?

I think we just, we need to find some joy in it somehow, because there is joy. There is.

I love that you just said that. Because I was reading. I go back to this book all the time because it's one of those, like, huge Webster Dictionary looking books, which is like, I'll never finish it. I'll read paragraphs from it and I'll look smart while doing it. Like that type of book. Yeah, so I had one of those this morning and I got. I totally got three pages done. So proud of myself.

Good job.

And it was talking about how rituals and making choices on a set of principles are the only way you're going to get through the hard times. And he was talking about this. It was Principles by Ray Dalio. And he was talking about how he kind of just gamifies his life. He knows that every single problem, challenge, or like traumatic experience is just a puzzle that you have to piece together. And the faster you can piece the puzzle together and extract the lesson, the quicker you get to leap to the next level. But the thing with the next level is that it comes with even Harder challenges. But if you look at it like that, the next level not only comes with harder challenges, but it also comes with bigger gifts. So I think for all of us, we're having to dig really deep and find what that ultimate bigger gift is. And maybe it's really pushing us to meet that part of ourselves that's so resilient. It's going to force us to, you know, really see our own resilience and so many other things. Like, remember that one time we thought this was hard, and then we went. Then we learned about My Sharona, like, we were talking about and My Sharona. Then we went through Sharona, and we good.

Now we good. We made it through. We laugh. We. We figured it out.

So, Evans, you came on the screen because we're. Now we. We're sharing, like, we do zoom with the video on because it's very important for this podcast. I need to see all of the emotion, and I need to know if she's really laughing or not. So.

And I am.

She is. She came on the screen this morning with a banana on. Not an actual. You weren't, like, wearing a real banana. Please explain. And please explain why.

So I ordered a banana costume from Amazon because my dad, we've been doing family zooms on the weekends, and he really, like, on Easter, he wore bunny ears and a bow tie. I mean, he had clothes on that kind of sounds like he was, like, naked.

So your dad has turned his home into the Bunny Ranch?

Yep. The little Playboy bunny. But he picked the theme for this weekend, and it's banana themed. So I had to order a banana costume. And I was like, I feel like Lori would love this because her dog's name's Bananas.

Oh, I loved it. I just want to know, is Adam going to show up banana themed in a banana hammock?

He wears that every day, so it's not much of a costume for him.

You're like, look, this is. It was great. It was great the first, you know, two weeks you did this. But now, I think now I'd really like if you put some clothes on. I can't. I can't help it. I literally can't help it because Adam wears short shorts all the time, which he has nice legs, and they're not that short, but they're just like. It's become a thing now. It's literally become a thing where I feel like he's like, he's. He can be so business on the top, but he is not going to let you take away the party on the bottom. Like, he know.

He loves his uses.

Like, he's the guy who would be in the sport coat with the bow tie with the. A little bit you. When you look at him, you're like, everything is so right about that. But there's something I can't figure out. It's like a half inch. There's something a half inch right there.

It's teetering. It's teetering on the edge.

It just, it makes you stare just a little bit longer than you should. You know.

What was funny is on Christmas, his mom gave him like some Lulu shorts and she was like, I'm really sorry they didn't have like the 4 inch M seam. So I had to get this 6 inch. We're like, oh, my gosh, that's amazing.

Oh, my God. You're like. I know that you're a very, you know, modern woman and modern wife, but you might need to learn how to take the seam up. What do you call that when you. When you hemming? Oh, yeah.

Hem them.

Yes. Hemming. So you might just. You'll learn one hem, a simple hem, and you can hem all of his things. Like, Chris hems a lot of his pants. So, you know, he doesn't do it himself. Can you imagine?

He gets them tailored, which is nice.

He gets them tailored because he's really into tailored clothing. So whatever.

Which I think that's a lost art because tailoring your clothes. Why don't we tailor our clothes more? People used to do that. Like, everyone did that back in the day.

He really did teach me a lot about, like, good fits of clothing. And I do get people who ask like, oh, where'd you get that? And I'm like, well, it's this dress, but you take it in in just the right sp and then it looks like it was made for you. I don't do it super often, but if I'm speaking and stuff, I'll. I'll tend to do it just because there's little tiny things that you can do that just, you know, fit like a glove fit, like. But it doesn't matter now because we're not going anywhere. But, you know, Adam can wear shorts wherever he wants. I think shorts are Definitely Covid approved.

100% Covid approved.

I'm literally loving seeing people that I normally see super dressed up. Like, I love seeing their cozies.

Me too. What's your favorite cozy?

Oh, I've got this rotating. Like, you can pretty much know what's going to be in my hamper every week and it's interesting. It's my really ugly clothes.

Mine are too.

I. No, they are terrible. Like, when I see girls with cute cozies, I'm like, tell me, are those your real cozies or are those your Instagram cozies? Because mine are cute hideous, and they're huge. Because I do not want to feel. I don't want to feel a waistband. Like, you can have one, but you better not act like one. You better just like.

I agree. I don't know how I'm gonna be able to put on jeans.

Someone I had on jeggings the other day, and they were, like, really loose jeggings, so they were really cozy. But I had taken a picture and posted on Instagram, and someone wrote, ooh, leg prisons. How bold of you.

Leg prisons.

I was like, oh, no, no. But thank you for thinking that I was taking that, like, being that hardcore.

During this time, I'm going straight from cozies to moo Moos. You know Moo Moos?

Oh, yeah. I'm obsessed with moomoos. Like, they just kind of. They kind of just hug your shoulder caps, and then everything just turns into a beautiful waterfall from there. They're kind of like, are you a mountain? Are you. Are you a triangle? And it makes you guess. You're like, what do I look like under here? You have no clue. I could have 17 legs.

But you'll never know.

You'll never know. Nope.

Do we have.

We didn't even look for quotes.

Oh, I kind of have one if you want to hear.

You go while I look for one.

Okay. This is from Elizabeth Gilbert.

Duh.

She says, there's so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things that do fall under the jurisdiction. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life, whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.

Mmm. She's so good stuff. She literally is like a wordsmith.

Like, she really is.

Well, I can't find one, so I'm gonna make one up that I love.

Ooh, I like your made up ones.

I'm still looking.

Oh, cool.

Because I'm like, am I gonna make one up? Let's see, let's see. Let's think of one that. Oh, I like this one. Super basic, but it's Jack Canfield, and he says everything you want is on the other side of fear. And I don't. I think that that applies, like, beautifully right now, because fear doesn't have to be something that you're super afraid of, like something big or a big goal or a big challenge. Like, fear can actually be uncertainty. So right now, I think just even being to manage the uncertainty is going to show you that you're capable of receiving and attracting and doing everything that you want. Because sometimes we can think fear is, like, going for it or taking the big leap. But sometimes the bravest people in the way that you can really become, like, the strongest version of yourself is just to sit and accept uncertainty. So that's, like, something huge that I'm doing right now is just when I feel really uncertain, I'm like, can this be okay? Can I let this be okay? Can I know that, like, I can get through anything or, you know, handle anything that comes my way, no matter what it looks like? So, yeah, there's that. Do we have a review?

Oh, yes, we do. Let's do it. This review is from Shine R. Sammers.

Shine, Our Sammers. Wouldn't you like to know the backstories of these names? Like, we didn't really like. A lot of us, like, didn't really, like, think that maybe Instagram or our handles would become a thing. And they're like, yeah, I'm hoagie sandwiches. Provolone 24 7.

I wish that was my handle.

Oh, God, that'd be a good handle. It's probably not taken.

That's funny you're talking about hoagies. Because I was just thinking about how I love a good hoagie.

I love a good hoagie. Do you know how many people, when I've said that word, don't know what a hoagie is? And I'm like, can't be friends. Sorry.

Is that. Is hoagie more of a Midwesterner thing?

It must be. Well, yeah. And you know what else? We had this place that served hoagies, but they weren't called hoagies. So I grew up thinking hoagies were togos, because literally, the hoagie, the only hoagie shop in Upper Michigan was called Togos. There was no, like, blimpies. There was no subway yet because it was, you know, like the 80s and the early 90s. And so I like when, like, hoagies and different things like that. Like, I think Bill Cosby always talked about hoagies, and that's really where I first learned it. You know, he might have had a rough ending, but the Beginning was good. It was hoagies and jello pudding pops and the Cosbys and that was like one of my favorite shows ever. So thank you for the Cosby show to learn about hoagies and that it's not togos, but it is in fact a hoagie or a subject. You know, we really should learn about American culture. Like where did these things come from?

Nobody knows where hoagie started.

Deny yourself of your roots.

Listen, it's not always a sub. It's. It can be a hoagie.

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Oh my gosh. I love to impress like Europeans. When they come over here and they're telling me the root of everything and how everything started in Rome or Italy and I'm like yeah, but hoagies.

Yeah but what's your hoagie knowledge?

Tell me, tell me your hoagie knowledge.

Well speaking of hoagie knowledge.

Oh yeah, back to that handle.

Shinersamers, Shiners. They say earn your happiness, exclamation point. These podcasts have helped me with things I struggle with daily and feeling like I am alone in those struggles. But I have found out I am not.

Oh my gosh. First of all, thank you. Second of all, I bet she's nodding along thinking I had some hoagie struggles for a while and now I know I'm also not like every time you know what people have said, they say how do you know what I'm struggling with every time on this podcast? And I just realized it's because I mention different sandwiches and foods and you know, you mentioned different things like cosmos and different things that your mother in law is making for you that you want to eat but maybe you don't want to because someday you want to wear your blue jeans again. But that doesn't matter ever, maybe ever again because we may never have to wear restrictive clothing. They may all be out of business. I'm not kidding you.

Seriously, I don't Know if I'll ever go back to buttons and zippers. I'm good with elastic.

No, there's going to be a big graveyard for those things. And here lies buttons and zippers. All right, what are we doing?

We're gonna. Do you want a question?

Yeah, please.

Okay. This is about rituals and habits.

All right? Very important right now.

Very important.

Do you have any rituals or habits right now?

Actually, yes. I have been getting back into my rituals and habits.

Okay, do tell.

Well, mine are different now, but Adam and I are taking a really long walk in the mornings.

Ooh, awesome. Is that helping?

It's helping so much.

You guys feeling like you're really connecting on that walk? Do you try to make sure to, like, chat about everything that's coming up?

Yeah, I think at first I'm probably pretty silent, but then I'd say about the halfway point, we're like, let's talk again. Let's talk now.

We're like the same person. I'm just like, all right, you just quiet down over there for a while. Or I'll listen. Like, I'll just listen. Because it's like, I don't come into my body until a lot of movement has taken place or around, I don't know, 10, 10, 30. Then I'm like, oh, hey, there you are. Which is why I think a lot of our. Our podcast can maybe be us Delirious, which is super fun. I agree. Okay, what's that question?

This question is from Sarango 99, and.

Sarah was Sarango 99.

Sarango 99. What makes you start a new habit or ritual? And what's your favorite way of incorporating it into your routine? Ooh, what makes you start something new?

Oh, girl, I usually start something new when something old has failed. Yeah, but starting something new is really challenging because usually something has to go when something is new. Whether that's something that is a bad habit or it could be a good habit, but it's just maybe not working anymore. You know, there's been a lot of habits for me that just. Or rituals that are no longer. Like, they're just not serving me the way that they were. Like, honestly, right now, I am not feeling like I want to meditate for 15 minutes working whatsoever. In fact, I'm not really feeling like I want to meditate, so I've completely let that go. As long as I'm walking and doing something that makes me feel good. And some of that has just been. I've been feeling like I'm getting more out of turning on some Good music and kind of just like picking up the house, like, letting my brain go, like, silent. And that's been helping me kind of just like, feel a little bit clear. Like, that's become a little bit of a moving meditation. So I think sometimes our rituals, as amazing as they are and how much they can serve us, sometimes we can get really attached to them and they can actually start feeling shitty. So, like, meditating wasn't. Like, my body has been wanting to move right away in the morning. Like, kind of just move around my house, not like a huge workout immediately. So just allowing, like, we're kind of at. In this time where we can throw out expectations, even the expectations we had on ourselves. And I was like, what would it look like if I just did things I really enjoyed as long as it truly was supporting me? Not like I'm like, oh, I let go of this. And I'm really noticing that at noon or in the evening, I'm feeling really irritable or pissy. So my form of when something's not working that comes in is frustration. Being really pissy or having this. I don't know. I think the word is frustration. For me, that I always come back to if something is kind of not working or if I know I need to implement something, I'll get frustrated at a certain point. Like, if I know I'm working too long, I need to implement a new habit of maybe walking at that time. Like, if I keep noticing things. So I think the most important thing about starting a new habit is noticing where something doesn't feel good every day. Like, it's a continued repeated pattern. Like, for you, maybe in the morning you were feeling frustrated. Like, what made you implement the walk in the morning and what did you have to assess? Like, let's go through. Through the process of assessment of trying to figure out what would help when you did that.

Well, I feel like my sleeping's been off because I'm keeping West coast hours on the east coast, so I'm working a lot later, which is totally fine. But I'm also, like, sleeping a little later because of that. And that was making me really grouchy because I felt like the day had passed even though it totally hadn't.

Oh, my God, yes. You know that feeling when you're like.

The day is over?

Oh, yeah.

It'S the worst. And just being in a new space where you're not, like, completely comfortable just yet. And also it's freezing here, so it's, you know, like in California, it's so much Easier to. You can work out any time of day.

Yeah, literally. I was talking about that because we were talking about, like, we play around every once in a while. It's like a totally normal, fun routine that we do to be like, okay, if we had to live somewhere else, where would it be? And we're always like, oh, we should totally explore that or look at that. And then at the end of the hour or two hour conversation on our walk or whatever it is, we're like, yeah, but the weather. I'm like, I'm so much happier here because, you guys, I spent 31 years in the Midwest, and while I've totally found happiness, I did find a lot of seasonal depression as well.

So it's hard.

It's a real thing. Um, and I. I think people who are in areas who don't have sunshine, they have to get even more rooted in the routine. I mean, my walks were like, you have no idea. I was like, nope, we're walking. I'm not talking for the first 30 minutes. Like, let's just go. I needed to start moving in order to not feel like life was doom and gloom, literally. So, yes. Yeah. Love that. Okay, do we have another cube?

Oh, yeah.

So yeah.

Oh, yeah, we do.

Yes, we do.

How about from oachmoa?

You gotta ask it in a southern accent.

How do you start rituals, scheduling, planning in the beginning of working from home?

I didn't even get that because that was. I didn't either.

Do it again in a. Nor can I say normal.

No, I just got to listen closer. Like, when I'm in the South, I need a whiskey. Do you know what happens when you drink whiskey? It automatically translates for you. Yeah, it does. Like, if I had a whiskey right now, it would be like, how do you. Like, it'd be like the dictionary reading it to you. Yeah. Be like, hold on, I don't understand you until I draw as well. Go ahead. Okay.

How did you start your rituals, scheduling, planning in the beginning of working from home?

Oh, I got it. I took a shot of whiskey before that. How did I start my rituals planning and scheduling before working from home? Great question. Well, you guys weren't working from home.

Nope, we were not.

This is a better question for you guys because you're super freshy fresh with it.

How do we start our rituals, planning?

And the.

Okay, I'll be honest. The first, for me, it was complete chaos. Was not working. And then I just think thought about, like, when am I most productive? I'm. I do like my deep work quote, unquote like, the stuff that I really have to have my mind working in the morning and then save, like, tasks that I can be pretty mindless with in the afternoon. And it's also helped me to like, make a little desk area at home on a table. And what else? Oh, a lot of calls with my co workers and my boss. Just because it could be so easy to not talk to anyone the entire day. And you're like, what have I done?

Okay. I don't know if you like or have read a textbook on this, but that's literally what every, like, kind of like professional in the area of helping people get their shit together at home. So you figured that out on your own way to go. Um, yeah. You gotta create a space, you gotta create the ri. Like the ritual. You gotta stay in touch with people. Um, and the fact that you figured out how to put your tasks, that's so incredibly important for me, I have to do the same thing. I know that after about 3:30, I am zero good for anything that requires a lot of focus or challenge. Um, like, really. So I, I try to keep things like. But I can still do like a great interview. I can interview people because it's very conversational. It's more like socializing towards the end of the day for me. So anything that requires that, like calls or socializing or like, I can do podcasting a little bit later as well. But if I'm focused, creating, digging, like trying to find information, implementing something, getting really creative. No.

Nope.

I've got a very small window. It is 12 to 3 and that's it. Especially if I'm super focused during that time, I have to work in a walk or go move around or clean my house for 20, 30 minutes or my energy gets stagnant and I get frustrated. Once again, that word is there. It's like super frustration. So love, love, love that advice. I felt the same exact way when we started working from home. I don't know how long ago it was. Now, um, let's see, it's been about seven or eight years that we've both worked from home. The first year for the first year for us was super rough. Like, I. I had had a routine, and then when he came home, he just blew my routine out of the water. And I hated him. So I really did. I was like, I married the wrong person. I don't even know who this human being is. Because when you bring someone home and you see their work style and then when you're with them all day and you don't have your rituals or routines yet together. Like, not that you have to have them together, but like, where they. You start flowing together. It was a disaster. I was like, I don't like how he talks to me when we're working. I don't like who he is during the day. It was really weird. Like, we had to learn each other's language. I was annoying him. He was annoying me. It was real ugly. And then you get to the point where you're like, okay, I know that I know what I want ultimately. I know how I want to feel. What are the things that are really not making me feel this way? And a lot of it was our, how we were talking to each other, and so we were like, we need to sit and have a talk because I'm about to bust. Like, this is not working and this is not what I want. I know. I love you. We just have to get back to what that looks like.

Like, too many people finish their workday feeling frustrated, drained, and unfulfilled. I know that. I have experienced that myself.

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So, so many conversations. I'm sure you've had so many conversations with Adam right now, like on your walks and what you need and you know, so that you don't freak out and you know, because it's. It's the situation you're in with your in laws. Like, it's. It can be beautiful, but it's going to require so many conversations. Like, we're having so many conversations with our in laws right now because they're actually coming over every day and walking our dog and like, trying to help us. Cause we don't have a team here while we're always on calls and it's like, oh, my gosh, they're trying so much. They're like, bending over backwards to help us. And we also have to have conversations around, like, what times and, you know, how. How we respond during the workday because we're so focused and in it that we. We can't stop to talk or whatever.

And we.

We feel bad, and then they feel bad. And so it's all these little tiny, you know, things that you have to take into consideration. So. Well, I don't know.

Communication.

I know e crad that you. We call her ecrad because that's her handle. She probably didn't know she was going to be a famous podcaster when she chose that. When she chose that. Or she would have chose hoagies and provolone 24. Seven.

Yeah.

What was it? Hoagies sandwiches. Provolone 24. Seven. Yes.

That is my new handle. Don't steal it.

Look for her there.

Lori, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, please.

Working with Chris. Okay, so I noticed something about Adam, and I want to know if other people are noticing, like, weird things their partner does at work, because I noticed that I married someone who repeats his cell phone number when he leaves a voicemail. He'll be like, this is Adam. My number is 555-1234. Again, 555-1234. Who does that?

The best part is, is it tells you the number that's calling. Exactly.

I'm like, what's happening here?

You know what? There's a little. A little secret desire of having a past, of wanting to be some sort of telemarketer or. No, no, A. What do you call it when you used to do those things on TV that would sell stuff. Infomercial.

Oh, yeah.

Or a radio dj. Maybe you should dig a little deeper into that to see if maybe part of his soul died because he couldn't be those things.

Yeah, I would love to know what everyone else is noticing about their person.

Let me see. Well, I've been home with Chris so long that in the beginning, I think I noticed a lot more. Let me think. Oh, there's some stuff I can't share because he'd probably hate me. So, like, I was like, oh, yeah, that's good. I'm not gonna share that. Oh, here's one that drives me a little bananas. But now I just, like, I don't even care. Like, he Leaves a trail everywhere. Like, I could. He could, like, I could be gone for the entire day and I could come back and tell you exactly where he worked and for how long and what type of work was done there. I'd be like, okay, two water bottles, an E shot, his socks are off and there's like some weird fragments of his toenails. And as well, I'm like, okay, this had to be a two hour zoom session, probably coaching. And I'm thinking it was. Well, I'm not sure. Like, I can. I will be able to nail it down. No pun intended. Pun intended.

Yeah.

To know what went on there. Because he. And he plays with like, I play with this weird crystal all the time. He'll like, play with random things. Like, I'll go in there and be like, was the dog chewing on things that he. Like he plays. The cord is knotted up on the podcast. Like it's a knot. Like on my podcast headphones. So he does this everywhere he goes. Like, there will be clothing. Like he must strip and layer at the same time throughout the house, throughout the workday. And so many beverages and wrappers. Like, it's bizarre. But yeah, that's one thing about my husband that I used to be mad because he didn't clean up and now I'm like, he works so feverishly. I don't understand how he does it. Like, he's like a machine. Like, he'll go back to, back to back. That for me, I'm always like, I'm so grateful for the level of work that he can do and for the people that he can serve that I'm so happy to clean up the weirdness and put together the puzzle pieces. So, yes, I love that, you guys, this has been so fun for us. So hopefully, yeah, I enjoyed it. So hopefully it was just as great for you. But it's been so much fun to see everybody's reviews like Evans. I've been getting so many reviews. Hopefully you're getting tagged in most of them.

They're so nice.

Yeah, I just. I don't know, I just think you and I are just getting funnier by the week. So with that said, I just set myself up for complete failure and disaster and it's probably going to go downhill next week, but I can't wait to see you next week. I hope it warms up there. Okay. We love and miss you and tell Adam, like, to maybe just, I don't know, give us some. We need to have some good ammo for next week. So maybe Hemis shorts or.

Yeah, I'll make them even shorter.

Okay, good. All right, take some pictures. We'll post them as well. All right you guys, until next time, earn your happy and be questionably awesome. Bye Bye. Yeah, bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think.

Would love it, that would be absolutely.

Amazing and we would be forever grateful.

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Bye bye.