527. Fear and discomfort are invitations for growth with Lindsey Schwartz

It's like the other side of when you do the roller coaster or you leap out of the plane, which I've never done, but I have bungee jumped, and it's like the most. It's the most euphoric feeling you'll ever experience on the other side because you did it. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own, and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. And it's time for another quickie, because there's always time for inspiration. And you guys, I literally came up to the podcast room this morning and was about to hit record, and I was like, I just don't have a topic right now. Like, I have a million things to say and nothing to say at all. So I literally just texted my friend Lindsay Schwartz. I said, do you happen to be free for 10 minutes? This happened all of five minutes ago. And I said, can you jump on and just, like, talk with me? Because I asked the question. I'm like, what would be fun right now? Like, what? Who do I know is probably, like, thinking of something right now that is great to talk about. And you came into my head, so yay, you're back. This is like, you're. You're literally just becoming, like, one of my co hosts, which is what I love, because why? It's your whole tagline like, let's not do this alone.

Right?

Like, I was like, laurie, you are struggling right now. And instead of pushing that boulder uphill by myself, I was like, who could help me push the boulder?

Let me get my really strong friend.

Oh, let me get my very strong friend who wears muscle tees all the time.

She doesn't.

But you kind of wear muscle tees.

Maybe I should.

Like, really cute tank tops.

Maybe I should.

Elliot wears muscle tees. Her huge husband.

And actually, what a lot of people don't know. This is like, breaking news. His muscle tees look so great because I cut them. I cut the sleeves off of his t. Shirts. I make a great muscle tee, so maybe I just found my new size.

I love this because not very many people, like, understand the art of the muscle tea. It's so. Oh, my God. So I'll come upstairs. Like, Chris will have gone to his workout or something and all. Like, I don't know how many shirts he goes through, but I'll just see the sleeves, like, laying on the bed with a pair of scissors. Like, I'm like, all right. So we. We crafted a new tea that we probably feel great in. So it's funny, though, because he'll literally leave. I'll just have sleeves all around. I'm like, what can I do with these sleeves? Could I donate them? Could I make a pair of leggings and sew them together?

Quilts.

Oh, a quilt. Oh, the lost art of a quilt. Gosh, I used to love quilts. I don't know why that's really strange.

But quilting, it's a Midwest thing. I totally made a quilt my own. It was actually a quillow, so it folded into a pillow.

Oh, my God. Who's the genius who invented that? Amazing. Probably the same person who created popples. Do you remember those stuffed animals that turned into balls?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, so with Liz, that wasn't.

What we were going to talk about.

That was not at all what I brought her on for. But I really liked the random rant.

You.

Me and Evans kind of go down the same. Same rabbit holes. We like those rabbit holes. Okay. So with that said, I asked her. I was like, what's coming up for you right now? Like, what are you thinking about and what are you talking about? What are you feeling like? I really wanted to know what she is feeling right now during this time. And you had told me you're kind of talking about two things and feeling two things. And that growth is like, you are really feeling massive growth right now because you're showing up in such a big way during this time, and it's really pushing you to your edges. And you were like, you know what? I need to record a podcast on what this really feels like. So can you tell me, like, why is this happening? What is it feeling like?

Yeah, man. This is so important to share because what it made me think about is this is the exact feeling that before, but, like, not even that long ago in my life would have actually had me stop and go, something's wrong. This isn't what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel so uncomfortable. So triggered. I, like, broke down crying yesterday. And it actually came on the other side of during this time, knowing that I felt really called to step in and lead more, use my voice more and more. I don't remember feeling this level of discomfort since I wrote my first book about four years ago. And I just remember sitting in that feeling and thinking, what am I doing? Is this supposed to be telling me that this is not the right direction? And for whatever reason, back then, I knew that my normal default would be to run away, to literally run and hide under my quillow. But. But instead I was like, what if I do something new and push through it? Great things came from it. So it's interesting this time around, I know what it is. So even it was like through my ugly cry, I was like, this is so good. I'm growing.

Oh, my God. I had a similar experience this week. So I'm so glad that you brought this up, because I had. I was like, what am I going to talk about? So, you guys, if you don't know, Lindsay Schwartz is not only like one of my great friends, but she also started Powerhouse Women, which is an amazing community, an incredible event. She wrote the book Powerhouse Women, and it's just exploding right now. So what happens with explosive growth is. All I want to talk about is explosive diarrhea right now. But what happens with.

Can't help it.

Oh, my God. What happens with explosive growth is exactly that. You're going to feel like you want to die and you need a bathroom at all times. They go hand in hand. But I did not catch her in the bathroom right now. She is just living life and going through it. But what I want to say is that's the feeling. So I had a. Somebody had just something freaking amazing had happened, which I'll have to voice note you about and I'll share with you guys later. But I had gotten this incredible connection and call that at this point in my journey for my business, I probably should not remotely have this connection. Like the feeling where you're, like, not ready yet. Like, as if you just spoke on stage. And Oprah called that type of feeling. And it's like, did Oprah call you? Oprah did not call me, but someone equivalent to Oprah in the alcohol space called me. So with that said, I was like, oh, my God. And I had to initiate the call. It was like, hey, I'm just waiting for your call. And I was like, what? So I was sitting there and I just, like, broke down. I started to cry. It was this feeling of like, I can't do this. You know that feeling when you're little where someone's forcing you to go on a roller coaster and the fear is so immense that. That you just break down and cry and panic and you're like, there's gotta.

Be a way out.

But you know, you're already in line and you're about to get on and there's no. You're just like, I have to do this. I'm not gonna go back all the way through the line. Like, that feeling. That's exactly what it felt like. And I was like, oh my God, there's no escaping right now. Like, I have nothing. And I don't feel like I'm the person who even has, like, can do this call. I don't feel like I have enough information. I feel like I'm gonna totally bomb it. I don't know what I'm talking about. And then I was like, the only thing that I can do is pray right now. Like, so I just said a prayer and I'm like, God, I know that this is what it feels like. Like, I know this feeling so clear right now. And I know that if I just leap, like, take this leap, that you'll support me. And I can always say, I don't know anything, and that's fine. Like, I can just show up. And I just had this remembrance of, like, just show. Like, this is what it feels like. It's never gonna feel any different. Just show up. This is called an opportunity. Most people run from this because of how it feels. And you know, it's like the other side of when you do the roller coaster or you leap out of the plane, which I've never done, but I have bungee jumped. And it's like the most. It's the most euphoric feeling you'll ever experience on the other side because you did it. So I had the same breakdown. Did anything come of it? I have no idea. But I was so proud of myself on the other side. Like, that's what it feels like. And I know that you're experiencing that too. So the breakdown, like, let's really talk about that breakdown. What did that feel like when you were in tears? Like, and why did they come.

I'm literally like flashing back, it was only yesterday. And like, the experience is Almost like a 700 pound elephant is like sitting on your chest. It just feels heavy. It feels. I just felt overwhelmed. I feel like that's like the best way to describe it. And I've learned through this journey to really check in with what thoughts are creating this experience right now. I haven't always had that tool, but it's really, really powerful when you can pinpoint the thought that's triggering the emotion. And it was one of, like, I'm just not. I don't know that I'm good enough. I have these people counting on me right now. I know if I have what it takes, what if I'm not really the One, Whatever the One is? And I really had to look, because what's happening right now is I'm stepping up and I'm using my voice in bigger ways. So I'm writing a new book. I'm hosting free Zoom calls for our community twice a week. And then I am leading my first mastermind. And that's a big leap in leadership to happen all at once. I don't know what I was smoking or why I decided to take this on all at once, but it also is. I know the only way to grow is sometimes to throw yourself into the thing that feels really exciting and also makes you question if you're enough to do it. That's the only way to grow. You don't grow by tiptoeing into these bigger things, and eventually you become ready. So I learned that the hard way by trying to go slow my entire life. So I know better than to back away when I feel this way. But let me tell you guys, it does not fricking feel good. I don't like it, but I also know it's the only way to get to not just where I want to go, but it's the only way to make the difference that I want to make and show other women that they can do it, too. So it's not fun. But I always go back to the thought. What thought am I having right now that's triggering this feeling of not enough? What am I making? Maybe it was something that just happened or someone that seems unhappy or whatever it might be looking at. Okay, what did I just make that mean? Oh, I'm using that as evidence, as a weapon against myself that I'm not enough, when that's actually not true. So going back to what I was making, something mean and really being. When you're in that phase of explosive diarrhea or growth same. You really have to be such a ninja at monitoring your own thoughts, because that. That's where all of the feelings of overwhelm or anxiety or just complete breakdown come from. It all starts with our thoughts.

Wow, you are that. I'm like, I hope she's not, like, wondering why my Eyes are welling up, but you just summarize, like, the feeling so well that you put me, number one, you put me into such a place where I just wanted to give you a hug because I so know that I know that feeling. And it's like, nothing can comfort you. You just want to be witnessed and cry and be like, why is this so hard? What am I doing? And that is number one, you guys. That's why you have to find some friends along the way. We didn't always have them along the way.

Right.

Or the people who were willing to support the type of growth that we decided to have. So you will create them. It just has to be really intentional. And with that said, like, that feeling is all you want to do is run. But it's the year of. And it doesn't last forever. Like, they go. It goes in waves. Like, right now, Lindsay, might last for you for six months or a year, because I know that you are in an explosive year. So now it's like, there were times. It's funny because it's so funny we're having this conversation because I had gotten texted by my friends Rob and Kim Murgatroyd this morning. They had sent some memories of pictures. Like, this was four years ago today. This was two years ago today. So it triggered me to go down the rabbit hole of looking through pictures, and I stumbled across my year. Like, my year. That's kind of like your year right now. Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely in a year right now, like I was. But let me tell you the difference. So I'm in another explosive year of growth, except the one that I had done about. I think it's been about two, two and a half years where it was when I was launching my book and speaking on, like, these huge stages that I had never gotten invited to before. And it was so much pressure that I had put on myself. And we can't get through those years without. You know, you do put pressure on yourself. You do have all of these feelings of not enoughness. You do have all these feelings of. I don't. I don't know what to do or what to lean on, even even though you do, and you end up getting through it. But that was my year, potentially. Like, kind of what you're going through right now, where it just all feels like so much. It's super intense, and there's nowhere to go. And it's a lot of facing off with yourself. Like, a lot of facing off with yourself. And I also think those first Years like that where it's. And this isn't your first year, but I think this is your first crazy, intense year where you are just, like. It's. You're out there, man. Like, you are getting out there in a big way. It is. It's literally like, okay, so this year, you're gonna have to walk across stage naked 30 times. You cool with that? That's what it feels like.

Let's do it.

Okay. Very exposed, very vulnerable. And it just brought me right back to that feeling of, like. I also think that you are.

You're not.

You're not a target, but you are meant to attract maybe some people who are saying some. Some comments that could be taken in different ways, or maybe you are getting criticism. I have no idea. But I had gotten a lot of criticism, and I actually got people who were, like, targeting me for some different things, and I was like, oh, my God, this is literally my worst nightmare, while I have to take all this energy to try to be out in the world. And what happened was it was like, I am so glad that I got all those things because now I'm having a very similar year. But at the same time, I feel like I had gotten to the point where it became so intense that I had to find a new way for me to cope. So it forces you to find something different inside of you, to find a new level, to find this, like. This pure, like, reliance on yourself and, like, knowing that you're enough, even though it doesn't. I still have my moments of feeling that way, for sure, but I feel less susceptible to the, like, opinions and ideas and different things of other people, which I never would have done if I wouldn't have gotten criticized by a ton of other people and had that year of just, like, oh, my God, so vulnerable out in the world. And, you know, I don't even know if that's where you're at. I feel like I'm putting words into your mouth, but that's. I. I want to share. That's where I was at. If people are getting that, and I will tell you, I think I got exactly what I needed, because my biggest fear was getting judged and criticized and not being enough. And, like, who is this girl and what is she doing and why is she on that stage or why did she write this book and whatever that is that was happening for me. But if that's where you're at and, you know, if you're afraid of that vulnerability of getting out there, it's everything that's going to happen is going to be for you. You can't let it crush you. You can't let it, you know, make you crumble. But it is going to feel like there's no escaping, and you're going to wonder why you did it all the time. So, Lynn. Yeah, I, I, I think I totally just threw that on you, but, no, not at all.

You're, I mean, this is, and we even have recorded podcasts about this before. And I think the thing I want to remind everybody is, like, if you are declaring yourself as a leader in whatever way that resonates with you, if you know there is more for you and you're to that point where you're like, enough is enough, I'm ready to step in. You will have the opportunity to face the exact tests that you need to face in order for you to grow. So I've been through the one where it was very afraid of criticism, and I guess what got me over that was being criticized and learning how to deal with that. So it's funny. I think that's why it surprised me that I felt so kind of crippled by that same sense of fear this week, because I'm like, I'm very clear that it's not that I know I can deal with the fact that if someone doesn't like it or if someone has a different opinion, like, I've been there. So that's what happens. You go through it and then you kind of have this anchor that you're going to be okay. You know, you're going to be okay. So I actually don't even know if I have the exact label or exactly what's happening right now other than it's right now. It's like this cocktail. It's a cocktail of a few of them. Yep.

No, I'm, like, so intrigued because I'm, you know, I have this problem where I love analyzing. So I can't wait to look back and see what it was and to see what that. But I love so bad. I'm like, I love that you're in it right now because, well, number one, I'm in it, too, with you. So it kind of feels like my misery's not alone, but it's also so euphoric. It's so amazing because you and I have. And yes, you guys, I don't remember which podcast it is, but it's with Lindsay as a guest. So if you search that one, she does kind of share a little bit about that time in her life when she did have that moment of criticism and Judgment from, you know, some people that really put her into a new place. And it really, I think it's, it's the launching pad for so much of your growth was just that decision that like, whoa, this happened, been through it, didn't die, actually made me better. That was such an awesome podcast. So with that said, I can't, I like, literally can't wait to find out what this one is. And I'm friends, so much love. And we'll do another podcast once we figure out exactly, you know, maybe what the lesson in this one is. But I feel you and I'm so right there with you and it's exciting to have someone to do it with. So you guys, you are, if you don't have someone you can actually call, we're your people that you're actually going through it with right now. But it's, it's what growth feels like. And that fear and that feeling is the invite to keep coming back. It's the invite for your next version of yourself. And it's like if you sit in it, if you just accept it, accept the uncertainty, accept what it's bringing you, that is where your next level is going to come from. So sending you guys so much love. Linds, do you have any last word of advice?

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Just know that you if you are listening to this and resonating, you are so not alone. I think that's the best, biggest thing that helps me get through it is just to know that, okay, number one, this is my sign that I'm going in the right direction. This like, it's starting to feel real. It's starting. Everything in me feels like it's opposing the direction I want to go. Because deep down, you know, our brains don't really like change. So it's my litmus test to say that I'm going in the right direction. I'm probably getting dangerously close to a breakthrough, and there's something in me that doesn't want that old part of me to be killed off. It really is like you're killing off the old self in order for a new self to be born. And that process feels uncomfortable. But the biggest thing that will support you through it is just to know that you're not alone. So even if it's just hearing this podcast and knowing that you know Lori and myself and probably so many others are feeling it too. That often is all that I need to remind myself to keep going and that there's something great on the other side.

Oh my God. Enough said. So you guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure that if you love this podcast that you shared on your stories and tag Lindsay, you can just tag at powerhousewomen because that's pretty much where she lives. And you can also hang out there too. Yeah, tag powerhousewomen. What is it?

Lens Powerhouse Underscore women.

Underscore women at PowerhouseWomen and let her know what breakthrough she gave you or what you took from this her your biggest takeaway. And tag me as well so that we can share your posts. And until next time, earn your happy.

Bye everyone.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am sorry. So glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment, tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again guys. Bye Bye.