533. The scientific effects of generosity - He said, She said

If you actually get dopamine, oxytocin, and all of these other amazing chemical cocktails that most people pay a lot of money for to feel good. If you are getting that just by the thought of giving, you are hardwired to be motivated to help your neighbor in some form.

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Hey, everybody, welcome back.

It's another episode of he said, she said where you're going to hear what he thinks and then you're going to hear what the right answer is.

I love that. Sadly, it's probably true. Hey, guys, today we're talking generosity. And before you tune out, I want you to know a couple of things. Somewhere in this episode, Lori and I are going to talk about how we are giving you $20,000. So you definitely want to wait around for that. And no, we're not kidding. But more importantly than that, Lori and I are going to teach you how generosity is the secret to everything that you want. We're going to prove it to you.

You've heard that before, but we're actually going to prove it now with not only our lives and different things, but science, Science, weird science.

Do you remember that? I totally remember that. Now, guys, listen, here's kind of where this came from. We're talking and we went back to God. Was it five years ago. Now that I read 30 books in 30 days, and I'll spare you that story, but here's the punchline. When I read 30 books in 30 days, they were all different kinds of books with all different agendas.

Picture books.

Picture books. And no matter what that book's agenda was, I remember two weeks in, rolling over and saying to you, babe, you're not gonna believe this, but so far, every book being different has a common thread. And that common thread is that generosity is the secret to everything you want. Your business, your relationships, your happiness. I mean, you name it. Generosity was the underlying thread. And that underlying thread held through 30 out of all 30 books. And that was a huge confirmation and shifting point in our life that we applied generosity. We already were, but we applied generosity like 10x in our life from that point on in every way to ourselves, to each other, to our businesses, to people. And it's no coincidence that in the past five years, you know, the results speak for themselves.

Yeah. And I just want to share. I actually had a harder time with it in the beginning because, you know, I came from more of a background where we had. My family had lost everything a couple times, like in some different occasions where one time we had gone bankrupt, another time I had just, just watched different things and the business closed down or, you know, struggle or really challenges with job loss and just different things. So I had more of a, like, I had trouble separating with it. I had a little bit more like fear based mentality on. And I thought I was extremely, like abundant. I thought I had a really abundant mindset. But when it came to really starting to actually think about how we can structure things by putting people first or really giving a much larger amount every single year, once we started to be able to do that, there were still parts of me that were like, yeah, but what if, yeah, but what if this happens and we. That could have been in this fund or whatever that is. And that truly that's the point where. And a lot of you are going to be in that place in the beginning and that is okay. I just want you to recognize if you're there, because this is a practice and it took me a while. Every once in a while still, Chris, I'll still get it where I'll like, challenge you. And then I'm like, why am I doing this? But, you know, if that's my process, then I observe it, I see it, and I question why I'm feeling that way, like what the root of that, that particular thing is. And sometimes there are things I'm questioning just because maybe I don't feel connected to them, but you feel really connected.

So generosity was in me since I was a kid. And growing up, I knew two things. I knew I loved nice things, and I was told that was wrong. And I knew I loved being generous, and I was told that was right. And here's the problem. The same driver behind both of those things was that I needed to go put myself in position to have nice things. And that side effect would be that I have the ability to give generously as well. Right. And so that driver's always been in me. And I know where it came from. You were up. You had a different upbringing with different experiences than I did. But together, at least we've continued to exercise this muscle. And that's really what this is about, is exercising this giving muscle will change everything for you.

And I do want to share. You know, I, I grew up not watching monetary generosity necessarily at all. I watched my parents give the shirt off their backs to people. I watched them with their time. I watched my dad go do physical labor at people's homes all of the time. I literally watched him give food, give things, give insane amounts of things to people. So I've always been generous in that regard. But for me, I noticed that the fear around money was there. So it's so interesting how it, it's like you think that you're generous and then you, when I actually challenged it, I'm like, whoa, I'm only generous in this area, but I'm not so much generous here. Now you don't have to go in and do it all at once, but it is going to be a practice to see if you truly can't. And this is really talking about an abundant mindset.

And listen, I just want to jump in here really quick and say if right now you do not like your financial situation, yes, hard work is a component. Yes, choosing the right jobs and careers and businesses is a component. Yes, consistency is a component. Yes, all these other things are common sense components. But one of the missing components in your financial situation right now might be a lack of generosity. And I'm not calling you cheap. I'm not saying you're not generous. What I'm saying is a lack of exercising this muscle in the right way and for the right reasons. And that's what we're going to get into.

Now, I want to talk about this today because it. Generosity does not actually have to be money at all. So. And we're going to go through those more towards the end. But something that just is ringing in my ears right now is the concept of generosity does not come after the money or the time. It is. Generosity comes first and then it attracts the money and the time and fulfillment. So it's kind of like how I used to think, oh, when I get that money. Or maybe you're looking at people who are doing great things in the world right now or people who are wealthier and saying, well, they can do that because they have money. But that's not actually how it started. They have always been giving or started giving. And what it does is it attracts people. They start seeing that I Just had somebody DM me, Chris, who's like. She's like, I've been listening to your podcast forever. It actually, you said to start the thing that you want to do right now. And she kept thinking that she couldn't do it. And it's to give back to female service members. And she's like, I started it, and here's what I'm doing, and I'm getting people together to give money to give back. And I was like, oh, my God, this is freaking amazing. Like, this is what is going to kind of put her out there on the map as a person that people want to do things with in the future. And right away I was like, great, I want to share this. Like, because that's how they were showing up now. She wasn't necessarily giving the money. She was producing and creating it. So generosity is what is going to come first. And I just want to share some. Some studies. Unless you have something to say on that one.

Well, I was just gonna say, number one, that's proof that people wanna lock arms with those who are generous. And that's one of the secrets why your business and everything else will be better in the long run is because when people see that you're a generous soul, they automatically want to come and collaborate with you more. It's like an attraction. And so that's one of the indirect ways that's gonna help you out financially. By actually giving, you're gonna get more in return from the other people that wanna come to your rescue and help you out and connect you to the right people and do all those things. And the other thing is this. A lot of people will slide into our DMs and say something like, hey, must be nice. I can't wait until I get to that same financial level as you. That's when I'm gonna do the same type of things. And I just wanna point out, like Tony Robbins always says, if you're not giving a dollar out of a hundred right now, you're not going to give 10,000 out of a million or you're not going to give 100,000 out of 10 million, right? So you develop giving that percentage, no matter what your financial situation is. You start developing that giving muscle early on.

Well, I started practicing, and that's where I got my nickname, Big tips. Remember that? I literally just started practicing by saying, okay, Laurie, you clearly have a problem partying with money and you have fear around it, so you're just gonna practice by giving 30% tips no matter what, even if it's like bad service if it's in your coffee. You're gonna give the price of your coffee the same price of your coffee into the tip jar. And then we were joking around that that was my indicator.

How come you never wear that T shirt I got you that says big tips?

I would wear that T shirt if you got it for me, so.

All right. Careful what you ask for.

Was that a real laugh? Okay, Can I share some studies or what?

Yes.

Okay, go ahead. Do you know how much I love to share studies? Okay, so this was published in the Journal of Health Psychology. You're going to love this. This is a study of 2,000 people. They found that Vol volunteerism reduced mortality rates more than exercising four times a week and attending church regularly. People who took part in two different causes in any way had a 63% lower mortality rate. And then there were a hospital that did a bunch of brain scans, and they found that being a part of a cause, donating, getting groups together, even just thinking of donating, even thinking about something that they'd want to help, they found during the scans that it sent out all of the endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, which is linked with inner peace. And they were talking about how this is absolutely, you know, a drug that most people pay for, that you can increase on your own. So any of these symptoms were lessened. Anxiety, depression, you know, sadness, all of these things were lessened when people were just even thinking about how they could create groups or how they could give back, whether it was with money or whether it was with their time or. This was mostly off of volunteering, volunteerism, just even being a part of a cause. So it's not just about the money at all. It is the process that actually was increasing all of these amazing things for people internally. It's the process of stepping outside of yourself. The process of stepping outside of your life and your problems and getting into your heart and wanting to think of ways to make somebody feel better. And there was a great story that I had read about giving with one hand closed. And I have. I relate to this so much. Like, I've given things to people where they walk away with a thing or something like that. And I'm like, oh, did I want to part with that yet? Oh, I'm not sure. Oh. And then I'm like, that's kind of the best place to start practicing and being like, yeah, yes, take it there. Where that's coming from, there's going to be 10 more, or there's going to be 10,000 more or you're going to feel this amazing feeling of just, like, blessing and abundance. And it's a practice, though. So what I want to share is, like, if this doesn't, like, really excite you, because there are lots of people who really have a lot of their own problems right now, and it's hard to think outside of yourself, like, extremely challenging. But what happens is it's. It's the unsung, unsung suchi quote that says, when you are feeling helpless, help someone. And I can't tell you that some weeks when I'm feeling like, oh, I'm so sad, I feel depressed or anxious. I'm like, you're not helping enough people. Like, who could you text right now that you could just say, hey, checking in on you. Is there anything that you need or what's going on with you? And I think that here's where I want to get some stuff and, like, a practice involved, Chris. So I'd love to get your input on it. I think that if it's going to be a practice, you actually have to lay some, like, structure for yourself. So I was thinking, even for myself right now, and I had started this two weeks ago, but I have. I haven't put a bunch of structure around it. What I'd been doing is picking about five different women every week that I. I was looking at what they need so that I don't even have to ask them. Sometimes you ask people what they need, they're not going to tell you, right?

So.

So I'm looking at what they're doing, what's going on, what they need the most, what they want shared the most, if they're a part of any causes. And I've been donating to one of their causes every week. I've been sharing some of their stuff or I've been asking someone to come on these little mini podcasts that I just started, like, with people. So I think I'm going to put some structure to that so that I make sure on Monday I schedule it in. Because it has been elevating my mood. Like the moments that I feel a little depressed or sad or down maybe because the situation hits me out in the world, I'm like, nope. Is it going to help to sit in it, or can you actually go and do something about it? So that's been my structure, or that's going to be my structure.

What you're doing is you're making in. You're putting intention behind building that muscle. And I hate to Keep going, calling and saying building. But that's what you're doing. You're building a muscle like anything else, right? And consistency rewards in every category, including in building this giving muscle. So you need reminders at first in order to keep it in your. What's the word I'm looking for in your routine? So I saw the cutest thing on Instagram the other day and here's a good example. Rob and Brianna Dyrdek, they had a family meeting once a week and they fill out these cute little questions and their kids, they make their kids fill out these cute little questions. And one of the questions was, who did you help this week? That's a reminder. That's a check in. You know that once a week you're going to have to answer that question. So to the people listening that want to grow this giving muscle so they can get all the wonderful benefits down the road, they may need a weekly practice of checking in. Who did you give to this week? And it can be of any form of giving, but the fact that you're gonna have to write it out or journal it is going to help you build that muscle. What about a daily reminder on your phone so you can set all these reminders to pop up on your phone? How about a simple one midday that says who did you give to today? And that'll remind you, I gotta stop what I'm doing and go look for someone to give something to time, a compliment, anything, money. There's so many different forms of giving, but again, it's a muscle that you need someone to remind you to do it on a regular basis. Especially if you don't have other people in your immediate circle doing it. You need to be the one that sets the reminders, demonstrates by consistency and infiltrating the rest of that circle, getting them to also follow suit because they're watching.

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I just want to I was just thinking about how sometimes even in the beginning of when I was giving, I Was conflicted, because here's why. I think translating. Growing up in a more like religious family, I translated giving. If I ever felt like I was receiving something back or had an expectation or it was making me feel good, that I felt guilty because I was like, oh, you should give without any attachment expectation or thinking that you're really receiving anything. Like, give without getting anything in return. And I was struggling because I'm like, I'm getting something in return. I'm feeling really good. Like, I'm kind of doing this for me and my happiness. Yes, my God, a God created you, or whatever you believe, so that you would feel good when you gave, so that you'd be motivated by it. So you need, you guys, if there are brain scans and studies that are happening in your body, if you actually get dopamine, oxytocin, and all of these other amazing chemical cocktails that most people pay a lot of money for to feel good, if you are getting that just by the thought of giving, you are hardwired to be motivated to help your neighbor in some form. Like, let that be your motivation. Let it be so that you're 63% less likely to die sooner. Let it be so that you feel more connected. Let it be so that you feel less depressed. Let it be so that you feel less anxious. Like, there are a lot of people feeling really bad right now. And to be right, to be expected and to be. So that's normal. Yes, absolutely. We've felt that way. There are moments in the world where it's like you just let all the feelings come in and you feel that way. And what I'm trying to say, what we're trying to say is that this is a beautiful way to not only feel better, but to make someone else feel better. It's a chain reaction. There's no way you're not going to benefit from it.

Not only were you literally physically built this way, that's why you experience those dopamine hits, but it's also a part of you feeling abundant because your brain signals subconsciously, hey, if I have anything to give away, that must mean I have extra. And when I have extra, that means I'm abundant. And when I'm abundant, I attract more abundance. It's simply how it works. None of this is an accident. And speaking of giving things away for generosity, I started this thing out saying that we are giving you guys $20,000. Well, here's the facts. If you follow us on Instagram, and by the way, if you don't, what are you Doing. Go. Follow me. Chris W. Harder and Lori Harder. If you follow us on Instagram you saw us announce our new small business grants and here's where it came from. I'm sure you've seen the news, I'm sure you heard people talking about it. There are some really great small business grants that were meant for Main street but unfortunately got caught in, let's say big business. Right. Several hundred million dollars businesses took up the bulk majority of the grant money that was meant for the solopreneur, the single mom or dad trying to build a business from home, the two man shop or the three woman business. Right. And because those smaller, more beginner entrepreneurs missed out on the money that was meant for them, we wanted to do something to help them out. And here's why. Number one, we love giving. We just demonstrated all the benefits. Number two, small business has been good to us and we wanted to be good right back to it. So Laurie and I established the don't judge the name Kristen Lori Harder small business grant program. Listen, we don't give us points, okay, yeah, don't give us points for creative creativity, give us points for the intention behind it. And here's what's going to happen. The next 10 weeks. We are giving 20 businesses $1,000 grants each. So $20,000 in the next 10 weeks. Here's how you can apply for it. You can go to loriharder.com Grant or forthelovemoney.com Grant. They'll both get you to the same application. You only have to apply once and you're eligible for all 10 weeks. These 20 businesses that we are giving $1,000 each to, there's no strings attached. You can use it for rent, you can use it to pay a paycheck, you can use it to, you know, refill some supplies so you can then sell your products again. We don't care what you do. We just want to create that small break, that small like ah, relief for that business owner that's struggling right now.

We've been here, we were in a hard time where a thousand dollars would have changed a whole lot for us. So I hope that it's, yeah. That it's just that little belief. Right. Sometimes you just get that windfall or even to be able to apply and give hope and even that opens things up like hey, there's things out there. It's crazy what happens when you open up your vision and go, wait, there are people helping. My belief just changed. There are, there are people out there or come on and help us Celebrate. So we're going to announce them every single Wednesday. So for the next 10 weeks, the two winners each week will be announced Wednesday at 6 PST on my Instagram. We're going live for our cocktail hour.

Earn your happy hour.

Earn your Happy hour. At 6pm PST. Chris and I are going live.

Can you just say Pacific?

Pst.

It's so weird.

Pst.

You're supposed to type Pst, not say it.

Stop it. I'm saying it. Pst. 6:00pm PST cocktail hour. We're announcing the two winners. Hopefully you will be on if you applied so that we can shout you out. We might just bring you on, do a celebration dance with you. And we're also on that IG live so that we can answer questions. Just connect and talk. So if you have business questions, you guys, it's an opportunity to actually ask your question direct. Like what you're going through right now. And you could get some pretty freaking awesome advice because what do you charge an hour? I don't even know.

$4,000 an hour.

So there you go. Come on. Come on down. The price is right. It's free.

The price is. No, we're giving you money. It's better than free.

It's better than free. The price is real. Right. All right, you guys. I'm so grateful for you always. Did I leave anything out? Chris Harder.

Yes. Remind them one more time. Lori harder.com grant or for the love of money.com forward slash grant. They both bring you to the same place. It's a five minute application. It is so simple. Oh, here's what we left out. It's any small business owner. Oh yeah, that makes less than 750 grand a year. We want this to go into the right people's pockets. Has less than a 10 person team and Lori and I are not choosing the winners. We empowered our team to bond together, go through all the applications and choose the winners every week for the next 10 weeks. So 20 businesses, 20 of you are going to win these grants. I can't wait to see who it is. Go check it out for lovemoney.com forward/grant or Lori Hur.

And we'll talk to you next week.

Adios.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your house happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really, really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye Bye.