534. Questionably Awesome - Your burning questions about CONFIDENCE answered

But if you're like, okay, I really need this time to just nurture myself, then do it like you're still going to move forward in ways that you have no idea. Welcome to the earn your happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves, get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Foreign. Welcome back to questionably awesome where you are my co host. I'm your co host. We answer questions in a questionably awesome way. So if you're looking for an interview, something serious, this is not it. This is definitely going to be fun, lighthearted, hopefully hilarious. If you don't like our humor, please, please tune out. Don't leave any reviews. Thank you very much. Oh, my God. Speaking of reviews, can I just share the stupidest thing I did this morning?

Oh, yeah, please do.

Yeah. Stupid things are always good. But it actually opened my eyes to a post I think I'm gonna make and just start talking about. So someone had posted something beautiful about my book. Like the most rave review. It was probably like, if I could have, when I was dreaming of writing this book, that would be what I had hoped for for people. And so I was linking the book because I had screenshotted this review, linked the book, and then I saw all of these reviews on Amazon. I was like, I had no idea I had so many reviews on Amazon. So I started reading them. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. Like, some were so horrible. Like, like, essentially. So I have a point. I'm not like, sad about it because I went through it for like one minute, which was fantastic today. It was like horrible reviews. Like this. This person can't write. They're an idiot. Oh my God. This is like a bait and switch. Like the worst reviews ever. And so for, you know, a good two minutes, I was like, ouch. Like, why do we do things? Why do we put things out? Why would I expose myself to this?

Like, just.

I started essentially swearing in my head and then I was like, this is so good, Lori. This feeling is like the thing that actually gets you through to the next side. So I sat and I felt it and I was like, accept it. Feel. Feel it. Love that person. Like, and I went through it so quickly. Cause then I prayed about it and it was gone in like two minutes. And I'm talking like, I read some decent reviews, but what I want to do is I want to, like, screenshot some of those to show people. Like, you're go. You. It's not. If you get this, you're like, you're literally going to get this. And the thing is, this is the thing that is stopping people from doing what they want to do. But it's the exact thing that actually makes you better and it's why you have to do it. So anyway, that was my morning. I'm a little bit amped up because it actually put me in a beautiful place of like, no, no. Like, this is what's stopping everybody. So there you go. How are you?

First of all, that's flipping awesome that you just shared that. And I really. I just think it's. It just says more about you that you can just take that and think about what it really means. And also, people need to stop writing mean things. Like, it's okay if you have something constructive to say. Yeah, I totally believe in that. I think constructive criticism is wonderful. But we don't need to just be bashing each other because we're behind a screen.

It is crazy. It's quite crazy. But I have to really, like, I really want to point this out. Like, this is so this is what we're afraid of, right? Like, Evans, think of, like, the creations and things that you want to put out in the world. Like, a fear is probably like, oh, my God, what if it's all over online that I'm X, Y and Z and I feel like a fool and, you know, or this is what this person thinks. Or like, maybe this is majority of what people think. Like, that's the thing that actually crushes creativity and stops people. So. But it's. It's the thing that also makes you understand who you are and it makes you lean into faith so much. Like, my faith has gotten so much stronger because of them. So it has to. I have to think this is just literally, you know, I don't know. Some people are not going to like this. I have to think that the same place that that energy comes from is the same place that, like, you know, the same. The same reason why we need love is the same reason why we need that, like, to. If you want to experience love deeper and if you want to experience strength deeper, you have to experience its opposite. That'd be like getting mad at wondering why you're not getting stronger, but you're not lifting heavier weights. So the more that you want to increase your strength, the more you have to expose yourself to all of those people and feel that and let it be. Like, learn to accept it and let it be okay and not take it personally, because it's not real. Like, right when I was done reading it, like, after I absorbed, like, the chemicals in my body that were bursting through it, I thought, this person did not think for five seconds after they posted this. Like, they never thought of me ever again unless it was brought up. And maybe they're like, oh, my friend, like, that book, huh? But, yeah, it's like. And then I thought of all the good things that we love that we've never posted reviews about. Like, how many things are you obsessed with that you've never even shared online or posted a review about?

So many things. Majority of things.

We're a bunch of jerks. Like, like, I should be all over, like, Eminem's page being like, Eminem's. They have totally made my life, rocked my world. I love sucking on that candy shell. I love all the colors. They brighten my day. I love M M's. But no, there are people who are like, M and M's. Bad, evil, candy. So true. You know what I mean?

Sing the praises.

Sing those prizes. Actually pick someone every day to sing praises to. For real. We should. We should just start singing.

I love that idea.

Let's do it. Okay. How are you? What I love about the room that you are in is that I have been in so many rooms, like the one that you are in and slept in so many guest bedrooms that literally, I think when you're putting together a Midwest guest bedroom, I just looked at, like, a catalog, like, a Yonkers catalog, and I was like, here it is. Here's my dream guest bedroom. And that was it. Now, it's beautiful, but it's a guest bedroom. Like, totally. You know how you know a guest bedroom? It has a bed and a lamp.

Yeah, it's bare bones.

Yep. You're lucky if you get some artwork, but it's artwork that, like, your mom gave you that you have no other room that you wanted. And you're like, if she comes over and sees that I didn't hang this picture, she's gonna be pissed. Put in the guest room.

It's exactly like that. I love that we all have to have that room it is.

And that is a beautiful room, but I have been in that room a hundred thousand times.

Me too. It's everyone's guest room. That's fantastic.

Tell me about life. I need to know everything. I need to know everything from the last two weeks of quarantining with family.

Oh, my gosh. Things were going really well, and then today I just. I had a breakdown. This morning. I just lost it.

Maybe we were having it at the same time, but for different things. Tell me about your breakdown.

Adam and I were on a walk, and the walk was really great, but it's just been gray the last two days, and I think my mood is just low. And I just got to the point where I was like, I can't take it anymore. I need. I want to see people. I want to be. I want to go to a class. I miss everyone. And I know we're all feeling this, but I just had to, like, yell. I was so angry.

Did you feel better after?

Yeah, I did, but I still am. Like, I know. I keep trying to tell myself I'm going to position of privilege because I can work remotely, I can stay safe, I can keep my germs to myself, but I think it's okay if I still miss humans.

Oh, my God. Okay. So I think this is such an important place to get to more often than not. I think for people who are suppressing it and are like, no, no, this is great. This is making me stronger. Like, yes, it totally is, but cry and then know this is the feeling that is, you know, when you're through on the other side, it's making you stronger. Like, I fully did. Did not try to skip over what I was pissed about this morning, because I was like, yeah, feel it. Be pissed, and then let go as soon as you can. If you're. If you're done, like, feeling it. If you're. If it's now going to the part where you're kind of clinging on to it and starting to think of, like, ways to get back at that person or. Yeah, I was like, was her name in there? Maybe I'll just go follow her and be passive aggressive. Just be like, you're awesome. Then I was like, yeah, but that's the intention of. Your awesome would be, like, too. Yeah, so that's not good. So with that said on your walk today. Yeah, that's. I think that's so important. And thank God you had somebody to even say it to, to be able to just, oh, yeah, it's gonna go up at my God, like, we're. We're social people and you love learning and taking classes and being around people. And it's like. Yeah, you just get to a point where it feels crazy, but it is. It. This is a time where I just think we are. Someone said something the other day that just was so, like, it just summarized it perfectly. It's. All the roads to distraction have been closed and, like, we just have to sit with, you know, the, like, I'm bored. I'm bored. Why can't I, you know, like, not. You have to go back to entertaining yourself. You have to go back to, like, letting it be okay that you're sitting in uncertainty. And I told Chris the other day, I don't know if I mentioned this to you yet, Evans, on this podcast. I was like, I think I did. I was like, quarantining feels like my life growing up, like, very much in the Midwest. Like, I'd walk around everywhere and be like. Or like staying at a. A friend's house who lived like on this country dirt road. She was away from everyone. We'd walk around and be like, where is everybody? Like, we're so bored and we're so lonely and we never knew what to do with ourselves, so we always would just like get into trouble.

So you just make up games and do weird stuff?

Exactly. You go to the train tracks and you start drinking. So maybe you guys should go do that. That'd be so fun. Go get a couple of 40s in.

Brown bags, tape them to our hands.

Yep.

What's that game?

There's 40 hands, Edward.

40 hands. That sounds like a constructive way.

Hey, that'd be fun with your in laws. How do you think that would go if your mother in law and your father in law drank two 40s each with you and you drank them with them? Who would cry first?

Definitely me. They would probably have a great time. I would like, die.

Oh, I just. The only thing with that is, like, you need to be able to have food. So you have to make sure that you put food on a table that you can just grab with your mouth. Like maybe some donuts.

Pizza or noodles?

Noodles, donuts, Donut holes. All right, so how else has it been? So you had your breakdown?

Had my breakdown. For me, it's just going up and down. Oh, I know. Speaking of certainty, that's what's something I'm really struggling with because my job is very uncertain right now. Where how long we're gonna be here is uncertain. What we're all doing is uncertain. And I Am just. I've told Adam. I was like, I just need one little glimmer of something that's for sure. And you just have to be okay with. It's not gonna be for sure.

Yeah. Did he look at you and say our love?

He should have my love. Yeah. He just broke out in the song, so fine.

That would not surprise me. Yeah. That's crazy, because there are some times in life where there isn't even one thing that feels that way. And then you have to also sit with that. Yeah.

And you have to look within. Oh, Lord.

That's literally when all you have left. And this is that moment. This is when all you have left is your face.

Yep.

You know what I mean? And we're not to that point yet because obviously we have a lot of great things, but it is that feeling of, like, things don't feel certain. But I guess my beliefs are certain. You know what I believe is X, Y, and Z and that I'll be okay. And that's all you. That's all, like, that's a certainty for me that has pulled me through everything. I'm like, nothing feels certain, but I have a belief that everything is going to turn out, and this is going to be for me.

Thank you for sharing that. I really needed to hear that.

Hmm. You're welcome. I needed to hear that.

That's a good note to fall back on when you're feeling just like, whoa, what is everything.

Yeah. Because I do think your. Your beliefs are. It's just your belief in that one thought that's gonna pull you through. So hopefully that helps because that has helped me through so many tough, tough things through the years. And then even when you just keep repeating it, you're like, okay, okay. And it just kind of just gets those feelings back to, like, neutral at least. So. All right, Sister friend, do you have a quote?

Oh, yeah, I do. It's from Ann Lamott. I'm reading one of her books, and I really like her.

Is it good?

It's really good. It's called Bird by Bird. And she actually writes about certainty, and she said, certainty is missing the point entirely.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. That just gave me chills. Okay.

Isn't that good?

I need to know what that means to you.

I took it as, life is never going to be certain. Things are never. If you're constantly striving for certainty, then you're missing out on everything else.

Yes. Okay. That was just like, thank you for that quote. That's freaking amazing. I need that on A quote card. Because you're looking for something to feel certain and to make something certain. And you're missing the gifts that God is giving you. Like, there's so many things being placed in front of you. Like this. Even this time right now for me, and I'm like, if I'm trying to get out of this time, I totally missed what it was about. So that. Thank you. Okay, well, my quote isn't here yet. I'm picking from a deck of. Of Gabby Bernstein's the universe has your back card. So let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see. Which one do I like? Which one do I like? Well, this is interesting. When I lean on certainty and faith, I change my mind about the world I see. So I think certainty in here obviously means. Because we all know she doesn't teach about certainty. When I lean on certainty and faith, I change my mind about the world I see. So certainty of your faith. I think that's technically I agree. Yeah, I like it.

Whoa. That's weird.

Big eyeball. Okay, there's our quotes for the day. And do we have a review of the.

Yes. Okay. The review of the week is from Senorita Awesome.

Senorita. That is a fave right there.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wait until you hear what she says. She says. Oops, she did it again. You know you just sang it. I stumbled upon this podcast a couple of years ago and I don't know how I lived before I discovered this.

Wow.

Lori is amazeballs. And her co host Evans, my girl crush. And all the interviewees literally blow my mind and rock my world in the most beautiful way every week. P.S. rescheduled Bliss Project 2020. I'm coming for you.

Oh my God, I love her. How's it feel to be a girl crush? I mean, I know you are have multiple. Multiple. I have thousands of people.

No way. Senorita awesome. The fact that I'm your girl crush means a lot.

Seriously, she's gonna make a T shirt now that just says Senorita awesome and I are BFFs.

Yeah.

Oh, my God. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That totally made our day. That made our life. Do you have a question?

Oh, yeah. They're about confidence. Is that cool?

Yeah, let's do it.

Okay. This is from Arissa Hammond or Hammond. She asked what are your go to actions to get out of a pity party and re embody confidence.

Oh, you go for it, Evans. I'm going to think on this one.

My go to actions usually are going to nature. And some like on a walk is my number one. And releasing those things. Maybe like writing a stupid, like, journal. I mean, just getting your feelings out on paper helps me a lot. Or calling a friend.

When you call a friend, do you like, text them and are you like, hey, can we talk? Or is it just like you just want to talk about anything? Or is it specifically like, hey, I'm in a. I'm in the low lows.

Oh, like today I text my two really, really close friends and I'm like, Cause, hey, we kind of have this ongoing group text and we'll all just be like, hey, I'm having a bad day today.

Yeah.

And then someone will be like, what's up? Like, is there anything we can do? Do you want to talk about it? And just being able to like, spew it out helps.

Oh, my God. Same. I pretty much do the same exact thing. I walk. I gotta get outta the environment that's making me feel that way a lot of times. A lot of times. A lot more self awareness is gonna help you get out of your, like, your lows or your pit. Pita party. Not to be confused with the pita party. Those are fun. Pity parties are low lows. Peter. Parties are the fun funs.

Pita potty.

Pita potty. Just need some hummus. You get out of there.

All right.

What gets me out? Walking, talking, squawking. Yep, all three Walking, talking, Changing my environment. Like I said, more self awareness. Because I know, like, my pity party can actually come on the daily. Like people. I think some people have the wrong idea. I should really start posting like, pictures of me, like, irritated, annoyed, pissed off, frustrated. My main picture would just be me frustrated, like with my fists all clenched, looking like I have to poop, but and crying at the same time. That's literally the default that I go to at about three o' clock every single day. If I sit for too long, if I work for too long, if I. And if I don't move or if I've eaten sugar or drank too much the night before, like, I'm just depressed and frustrated. So I know that this, like, vehicle that I was born into might take a little bit more. I just think I take a little bit more like maybe care or nurturing than some other people. But I think a lot of people are like me. I used to think that about myself, that I'm like, maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I just have to be extra, extra, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, actually, I think it's being a human. I think everybody needs to take extra good care of themselves. And you guys, once we move out of the house and we don't have parents to do that, man, you gotta, like, you gotta feed yourself. Well, you gotta say, eat your damn vegetables. You gotta be like, did you drink water today? Your pee really stinks. Like, you have to be like, take your vitamins. I know you don't want to. All of the, like, don't eat that seventh piece of pizza. My God. Are you trying. What do you, like, talk like, how your mom would. If it helps. Are you trying to kill yourself? My God, are you killing yourself? You want to wear sweatpants the rest of your life or you want to put a belt on one day? Just kidding. My mom never said that, and she was not from the east Coast.

My mom's favorite thing to say would be, you look like death on a cracker.

I'm like, cool, mom.

Cool, cool, cool. That was like her cue to be like, you need to shower and get yourself together, because this is not working.

How can we adopt all of, like, the southern, the eastern, the northern mom phrases? And just make sure our kids get to experience all of them so they toughen up, you know?

Yeah. Because there is that element of, for pity party, sometimes you need someone to be like, hey, enough.

Oh, my God.

Really old.

Oh, my God. So we're mad at that, right? Like, when people do that, we're like, you son of a. You're so. You're so mean and selfish. How did I ever intertwine my life with yours? Like, speaking of Chris, because he is that person for me where I'm just, like, rude, so mean. Like, I can't tell you how many times I've said, you're so mean, and then walked 10 steps away and been like, oh, God, thank God for him.

Yeah, they're right.

And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm just really. I wanted to sit in that pity party for a while. I shouldn't have shared it so early. Yeah. So if you want to sit in the pity, don't share it so early.

Yeah. Wait until you're ready to get out of it.

Yeah, exactly.

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All right, I think we shared a lot of wisdom right there. So let's do the next question.

Okay.

Ah.

Okay. How do you. This is from Elissadaniels.

Melissa Daniels.

Melissa Daniels. How do you keep up your confidence when first starting a business? And you hear a lot of no's. Ooh, that's a good one, Lori.

Well, I'm like in this again right now, which is fantastic. That's all you're ever gonna hear with anything, ever. The path to yes and the path to your dreams is literally only. It's paved with no's. And if you didn't get the no's, you wouldn't get like, you don't get the pathway. So you have to stop viewing them as negative things. They're actually. It's process of elimination. So that would be like putting a hundred doors in front of you and knowing that the answer was behind one of them. Nothing bad happens if you, if you open all the doors except you get a no. Like, that's it. Like if somebody said, if Bob Barker came to you and said, here's the deal, I have put a car no, let's just use your dreams. But your dream is in a car. Because if we're doing. If we're really doing the game show, we're going to do it right. Put your dream in a car and you get the car behind one of these 100 doors. There are no rules except that you have to keep opening the door. And until you get to the yes, except when you open the door, that is not the door with your dream, you're going to get a no. And it might be followed by why, or it might be followed by somebody's opinion, but you're going to get to the yes if you keep opening the doors. Will you take this challenge, Evans?

Yes.

Okay. It's a. It's, it's not personal, you guys. It's a process of elimination. And we're like, oh, she didn't say yes to me to be on this. Or she didn't say yes about this book, or they didn't say yes about that. Like, you guys, they have stuff going on too. Like, if it doesn't fit in alignment with what they're doing, if they say yes to something that was actually not quite in alignment with what they're doing, it's not going to turn out good for you. So stop trying to force what shouldn't be forced. Like just keep opening the door. Because it's not a matter of if you will make it. It's a matter of do you have the tenacity and the grit to actually just keep getting the. No. It's a numbers game. And if more people really understood that, they'd stop being so scared. Like, you should be collecting three to five no's a day at least. You should be emailing, collecting, DMing, trying things, going to websites to try to find things, to try to get your answers. And nos don't have to be people telling you no. It can mean like you're trying to find out information of what your next step is. And you just keep seeing no and no next step. And that's, that's still a step. Like no step is still a step as long as you are taking action. So sorry, I'm fired up because I'm in this right now and I have so many people who are just like, yeah, but how do you do this? Yeah, but I got no last month. I'm like, good luck because you're gonna be dead by the time you get your 10th no. And you'll just be getting started. So like what I want to say to the people who are afraid to ask and who don't think they'll ever like, like the half and half out, right? The on the fence person. Nothing happens on the fence except getting poked up your ass. Like nothing happens there. You literally, you, you might as well just accept that you're gonna have a fence post up your butt for the rest of your life and be cool with it. Like start, start accepting and maybe having like hire someone to bring you drinks while on the fence post to at least enjoy it because you're actually not going to go anywhere because if you don't take massive action and keep going, you might as well just like plant a nice. Like order something from, like order an outfit from Revolve and get it delivered there, order an umbrella, order cocktails, start enjoying like start trying to find that fence post it pleasurable because it's not.

Changing because it's always going to be up your butt always. So that helps me.

I don't know what your decision is yet and I don't judge either way because someone bringing me cocktails on a fence post and an outfit does not sound. Sometimes that sounds fun, right? But that can get old.

You're like, what did you do on like your darkest day when you had heard 30 no's in one day? And you were like, how can I possibly finish this book? How can I possibly do my event? How can I. How can I do this? What would you tell yourself?

I would cry. Like, I write. I wrote off the day a lot. And you guys, you'd be surprised how many days you can write off and still get ahead. So like I said, you. It feels like you're not getting ahead, but you actually are. It's a process of elimination. Because what happens after? Like, let's say, yeah, I was. I was going in one direction and got 20 or 30 no's that says maybe something's off and maybe I need to tweak something or maybe I'm fishing in the wrong pool. So what happened to me is like, I was trying to get into, like, this certain publishing house. I was trying to get in with this certain group of influencers, trying to get recognized by certain people. And I realized that after like a year or two or three, it was a lot like, I still kind of dabbled in that pool that I was like, maybe, maybe I'm in the wrong pond. I was like, if this does not feel good and they're not, they're not jiving with me and I'm having to try too hard, you know, And I'm. I'm like, not even being myself anymore because I'm just trying so hard to like, be seen or fit in or get noticed or have somebody want me or my book or want me on their stage, whatever that looks like. I'm like, think I'm in the wrong pond. Like, let me reevaluate. So on those days, first you just cry and you get mad and you make the people bad because that's how it kind of helps you. It just does.

Oh, yeah.

And then, and then you realize they're not bad at all. And if they would have said yes, it wouldn't have been a fit. And it's. That's not their path. And then you start to reassess and you start to realign on the journey that you want. And you feel like you wasted time. But looking back, no time is ever wasted. No cry is ever wasted. No procrastination is ever wasted as long as you use it for the lesson afterward. As long as you can step back in a day or two, try to keep that time in. That's the difference. I've been talking about, talking to some people about just like, what makes people move forward and have, like, a good success rate. And it's, it's minimizing the time in between the Failures and the cries. So good. Cry. Have a day. Have whatever that looks like. But even like, this morning, I was like, no, no. Said person from comment 3 years ago is not about to rob my entire day. Lori. Like, are you crazy? So, anyway, yeah, I think that's a surprise. Bigger things to cry about. So, Evans, tell me. Tell me your last feedback of the day.

Just keep moving forward. That's my. That's what I got from today. Just keep one foot in front of the other.

And it's okay to write some days off, it's okay to write some hours off, and it's okay just to be like, eh, you know what?

Screw it.

I'm gonna nurture myself all day. Or I'm gonna. I'm gonna start cocktail hour at 3. Or I'm gonna watch a movie today at noon. Like, you guys, those things actually work sometimes because not all the time. Not all the time at all. But if you're like, okay, I really need this time to just nurture myself, then do it. Like, you're still gonna move forward in ways that you have no idea. So. Okay, yeah, I think that was so great. Anyway, I. I miss you. I can't wait to see you. Miss you, Lori, but at least I get to see you this way. Like, I miss you, but I get to see you.

So.

This is freaking awesome. Every single week.

This is really cool.

Okay, you guys make sure that you are posting your questions, and if you loved this and feel like somebody needs to get off the fence, get the.

Stick up their butt out of it.

Just go ahead and text this to a friend. Okay, guys, until next time, be questionably awesome. Bye.

Bye.

Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of it would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys. Bye. Bye.