536. Turn your niche into an empire - with Britt Seva

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Right.

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And I think that's what drives me as a coach, too, is I don't want any man woman to ever feel like they aren't phenomenal enough to create whatever life it is they're looking to achieve.

Welcome to the Earn youn Happy podcast. I'm Lori Harder, founder of The Bliss Project, 3 Time Fitness World champion, fitness expert and cover model, turned self love junkie, lifestyle entrepreneur and author. Each week I'll bring you a guest or a thought that will help you bust through your fears, connect to your soul, and get focused and clear so you can elevate your life, business, and relationships. We don't wait until we're ready for someone to tell us we're good enough. We take what we want and we anoint ourselves. Get ready to earn, own and unapologetically rock your happiness every single day. Are you with me? Here we go. Oh, hey.

Oh.

So excited you are back. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this person that I got to interview. It's one of those people who all of a sudden, like, once your blinders are off, you're like, where's this person been my entire life? Like, once I heard about her is she couldn't get off of my radar. I started seeing her everywhere. And when I talk to people, they're like, how did you not know who this person was? And now I do, and I'm so grateful she has impacted my life in such a massive way. You are going to fall in love with her. For me, it was literally love at first sight because when I met her, it was an immediate connection. She is like the girlfriend that you have always wanted. She is so incredibly empowering. I got to speak at one of her live events, and I'm telling you, who you are is who you attract. Because the second I walk through the doors and I talked a little bit about this on the podcast, the second I walked through the doors to her event, I just felt like I was at home. I got treated like I had been a part of their friends and family for so long. I was mind blown at just the level of caring and connection that was created immediately at her event. So my guest today is Britt Siva. She's the original business and marketing strategist for hairstylists. After spending years behind the chair as an assistant stylist and salon director, she realized that cosmetology school left one major area out, and that was business education. So she left her job as a seven figure salon director and she blew the industry away when she began coaching salon owners in 2010. She launched her trademark hairstylist business education program, thrivers Society in 2014. So over the past nine years, she's coached thousands of stylists, salon owners to build wealthy businesses and lives behind the chair. She's determined to empower 1 million six figure stylists while changing the perception of the entire beauty industry. She hosts an itunes podcast called the Thriving Stylist Podcast. And when she's not helping to educate and elevate in the beauty industry, she is making dinner for her toddler, her teenage daughter, her paramedic husband, and she also spends Sunday morning snuggled with her pups and the latest business book, which sounds like my absolute perfect dream day. You guys, this podcast, I don't care where you are in your business or your life, this is like real, real, real good stuff. Like just juicy, soul filling conversation. And let me tell you, if you have an idea or a business idea, you want to be getting your business advice from people who are crushing it. And this girl is absolutely her most authentic self. Shares it all, tells it all. I'm going to stop talking. Let's get started. Brit, I'm so excited to be able to actually sit down and have a conversation with you because the last time I talked to you was actually pretty much just on stage at your event completely.

And I am so honored to be here. Lori, I just resonate with your message so much. And that's so funny because we really did meet for the first time backstage at my event, but it felt like we'd also been lifetime friends. It was like instant click. I just loved your energy and I'm honored to be here.

Oh my. That is literally the best. There are people in life who come into your life and you know, sometimes I have those people where maybe in the beginning I'm like, I'm not sure about them and you're like a little wary just because they're maybe too similar to you. And then your best friends down the road and then there are people who right away you immediately are like, oh no, I feel like I have known this person before. Like, I just, it's just crazy. Like your energy just melds immediately. And that's how I felt with you. I was like, I am so comfortable with her. And honestly, the moment I walked into your event, which you guys, if you don't know, Britt, has these incredible events, Thriver Society live. And I don't know how Many women were there. It felt like 500 women. It was a very large room, and it was the most welcoming, most loving, most beautiful community of. What are. What are they? They are beauty professionals. Is that correct?

I love how you say that. Yes, hairstylists and salon owners. But we love to be called beauty professionals. That's exactly right.

So beauty professionals. And truly, I. Here's why I love this industry so much as well, we're just gonna. We're gonna go here for a moment is because some people may on the outside be like, beauty professionals. What does that mean? Like, okay, are we doing. Do we own salons? What are we. What are we doing? And I think that you are all doing such deep, transformational work, I can tell you that. I know that the planet is shifting sometimes much more through the chair of being in a salon, because people are actually open and sharing. And when you can have somebody who is nurturing you and doing your hair, who actually has very shifting, beautiful things to say instead of negativity, that changes everything. Like, it literally really does. And I feel like we have so much power in that industry to shift the way that women are. So I was, like, super giddy excited to get in that room and talk, because I also think it can be the place that can be, you know, a bit toxic, but it can also be the most powerful place completely.

And I think that my industry, in particular, has the reputation of being very toxic. But my tribe, specifically is energetically so aligned. And it makes my heart feel so good that you felt it like you were in alignment with our energy big time. But this was a room of, like you said, 500 beauty professionals who realize that for a lot of their clients, they're a lifeline. Like, seeing a hairdresser can be a really intimate experience for some people. It's the only human touch they see at all. And people will talk to their hairdressers about things they wouldn't even tell their partner. They'll tell their best friend. And so our responsibility to serve those clients in a big way goes so far and beyond the highlights, so far beyond the extensions. And it really is, you know, this very deep connection with everybody who joins us. So to be able to create an event in the community where we kind of mind, body, soul, elevate the industry overall has just been such an honor for me. I feel so blessed to be a leader in the industry.

Oh, my God, I love that. And isn't that the truth? Like, if you. If you wash my hair well, like, you're gonna learn things about me?

Totally. Absolutely. It's the truth, right?

Do you know that there's actual scientific studies related to touch and honesty?

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So no. Oh my God. So it's like goes hand in hand with your industry. Like with. I learned this through. There was some like child psychologists that had come and spoke at this event that I was at and they were talking about how it, you know, getting like having your child share truthfully about to you about maybe a circumstance that happened or if you're trying to get the truth out of them or your partner like to be able to touch them on the shoulder or their hand or any like physical touch makes you more truthful.

That is fascinating. I mean, I believe it now that you're saying it. I almost have this rush of memories of times when that's happened. But it's like a simple touch on the shoulder or a touch on the hand when you're trying to connect with somebody. It's like an energy exchange. It changes the entire tone of the conversation. It almost like aligns your hearts instantly. It's crazy.

It is fast connection. I can think of all the moments right now where I have been in the chair where they kind of put their hands on your shoulder while you're discussing what you want to do and you're creating that bond. Right. And it really is through those moments that it's just we. Your industry has the power to completely shift people. So I want to know what it is that you do for people who are kind of like, okay, does she have events like what is what's going on right now? Because I don't think a lot of people know that there is someone like you in a community like yours for the beauty industry. So tell me how it started and what you do.

Agreed. I'm kind of like the industry's best kept secret. That's not trying to be too much of a secret.

But I don't want to be a secret.

No, I don't want to be.

And you're not at all by the way. But yes, people will learn a lot more about you very soon.

And it's the funniest thing, Laurie, because I think my industry is still plagued with the idea that you can't want to make money, which is so crazy. We still very much. It's like, well, you can't say you're a hairstylist because you want to make money. That to me is bs. I know we do this because it's makes us feel good and it makes our clients feel good and we get to be creative and amen to that. Like, what a blessing that we have a career that allows us to do those things. But we want to make money and we want to learn to run a business and it is okay to be a confident man or woman who wants those things. And so me talking like this is very new to my industry. It's almost been like a little bit taboo to bring business knowledge to an industry that for so long was kind of like very mom and pop shop kind of kitchen cosmetologist. I'm a hairstylist. I don't have to take finances so seriously. A lot of things can be pencil whipped. And for the first time ever, I'm challenging my industry to really step up and save for retirement and run a business to budget and know if your prices are in alignment and learn how to use social media not just for fun, but for profit. And so I've been teaching stylists since 2015 is when Thriver Society launched digitally. I launched in 2012 locally here in the Bay Area. But for nearly a decade I've been teaching stylists and salon owners to build a truly scalable business model that they love that like feeds their soul, makes them happy, but also helps them to live their wealthiest, best, well rounded lifestyle.

Okay, so tell me why though? Because I, I have heard this story over and over because obviously I've gotten my hair done for many, many years. And I know that it is been like the story for so many of the stylists that I've worked with that they are exhausted, they're tired, they have to work so much, their hands start to have issues because they're working so much. They're in the chemicals nonstop. Like they are, they're exhausted and they are getting like unloaded on by multiple people. Like maybe they don't have the clients they want, they don't even know how to get the clients they want. Like they feel very at the mercy of, you know, their people and how many clients they have. So they feel like they can't quit. So can you tell me the story of like why you stepped in to confront such a taboo subject for people in this industry.

Completely. I saw. So I was a stylist from 2007 to 2009, just for a couple of years. And then I really shifted to the business and marketing side. That's where my natural affinity was. But I watched my co stylist, who, exactly like you said, at 27, 28, 29 years old, developed carpal tunnel so bad or allergies to ammonia so bad that they couldn't even be stylists anymore. Which is wild at 27 years old to lose your career.

Wow.

I mean, crazy to everything you said because they were working 12 hours a day, six days a week and weren't even really making a good living. And in my industry especially, there is a lot of mindset issue. We feel like to be of service to our guests, we need to do things like deep discounts. We feel like we're stepping on a senior stylist's toes if we outearn them. And I saw all of these things happening in my own salon space and I said, you know, it just doesn't have to be that way. Why can't we all be winners? And so I started coaching my own salon specifically, and I created guidelines. Nobody in my salon was able to work more than eight hours a day. I did my best as the leader of the salon to help them grow their business. And I showed them that I was a partner in it, that we're going to do this together, but there is a smarter way. And I realized doing this on a small scale with my team of about 16, that with just a few small shifts, it was like we could really get a grip on this thing. And for so many years, there's been a stigma in the industry that the hairstylist is broke. If you decide to go to cosmetology school, you're doomed. It's like, well, I guess she had no other option. And now the majority of stylists I know and coach are like, you know, out earning. Their partners can be multiple six figure earners if they're willing to truly become business minded and to be honest, challenge the industry standard. It's tricky to be a stylist who says, you know what, I'm going to shake it up and I'm going to run a successful business. You're almost outcast in a really interesting way. So you have to be brave enough to want to put yourself first to really apply these lessons. And I wanted to empower stylists and salon owners to be Brave enough to put themselves first.

Oh, man. I have so many questions because you guys, we might be using the word stylist, but this is interchangeable with just about anything. I can tell. You know, we have masterminds as well, and we've been in the rooms with, oh, God. Coaches, you know, people who have small businesses. It doesn't matter. Anytime that you are charging anything, I find that there is always the route that you can take where you can become a bit of. I. I don't know any other way to say it than. Because I was it. I was a personal trainer for a long time than like a martyr, like, oh, this is what I have to do. This is my industry. This is just how it is. And it couldn't be further from the truth. And I think a lot of the times, the reason that I didn't want to change was because I knew that there was gonna be fallout from my community, from the people around me, from feeling like, how do I, you know, am I really worthy of what I'm asking for? So I know that you deal with those things all the time. What is the number one? Like, somebody's listening right now who's a stylist or a coach or somebody else, and they're like, where do I even begin? And what am I up against right now? Like, what can I expect to happen? What am I going to have to push through?

And this is difficult. I mean, I had to really realize, and I push my students to do this, too, that I'm in charge of this lifetime. For me, nobody is going to make my dreams come true. I'm in the driver's seat, and I may have to let go of the dream that all of my co workers or all of my peers or even all of my friends and family are going to love every decision I make. Something that really helped me was deciding. I call it my top five, but at this point, it's become my top three. If these people in my life are proud of me, respect me, and we're doing big things together, I'm doing something right. And that top five has just become my husband and my kids at this point. And now I'm telling myself, if I do right by me, my man, and our babies, I'm doing okay. And if somebody else doesn't respect those choices, I have to be okay with that. And that was. I can speak to it so easily and clearly now. I'm sure you can, too. But when I first made that shift, I did lose some relationships. And looking back now, those were not Healthy relationships. I mourned those losses absolutely. But it was the right thing to do and I have no regrets.

That is so. It's honestly, that is literally what I do. And I was thinking of this yesterday and I have a list of people, but then I also have the smaller list, just like you have. And I'm like, at the end of the day, you have to do right by your family and what you feel is right by you and your whatever you're connected to, God, creator, whatever. And that is, it's so freeing because I can look through my history of the past and I also know that so many people are going to come and go out of your life just naturally. Like completely just naturally. And I think that holding onto different things or holding onto people that you know at any given moment might not be there for you is actually exhausting. Like. Like if they're not going to be there for you through this, then it's going to be the next phase of growth that you're worried about, having friends or people in your life that you're constantly worried about or tiptoeing around that you're going to lose them if you do a certain thing. I think that's where we need to start questioning it.

So true. And life's funny like that. There's always these great equalizer moments where you or I or anybody will go through something hard. And it really does show you who in your life is truly going to be a constant. Like who shows up, who kind of doesn't check in, who actually is there to support you and has your back through thick and thin. And it's through a lot of those great equalizers I've come to really realize I have to put my health, love time, my idea of wealth before anything else. And I still do want to serve and be a good friend and be a good daughter and be all of those other things too. But at some point we do have to put ourselves first and foremost if we want to live our biggest, best life.

So true. Okay, Brit, I want to bounce around to a couple like rapid fire questions just on truths. These are not actual world truths, even though they tend to be. But these are truths for you in this moment. So try not to edit yourself at all. This is just what is true for you right now. I'm so into this, what feels like a truth for you that you have found about business.

A truth I found about business. So what I have found is that I actually don't try to plan too far ahead. I actually try to be Very present in the moment. I am, I always say, a perfectionist in recovery. So I used to try and plan everything out 365 days, 5 years, 10 years in advance. And I wanted, like a cookie cutter mold for everything. And I wanted everything to be picture perfect. And it was exhausting. And it actually ended up slowing me down. And it would confuse me. And if there was a fork in the road, I would feel like I had to throw my whole plane in the garbage. And it was very frustrating. And now I'm always just taking a look at, like, what is happening today and what is shifting in the world and what gaps and opportunities are available to me in this moment. And I try to act a little bit more just in the present. And Lori, I can't tell you how freeing it's been for my mind, body, soul, but also really, I mean, explosive in my business to be more reactionary to what is truly happening versus trying to guess what's going to happen a year down the line.

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I know that.

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You'll be glad you did it. There are so many challenges to business that I don't want starting to be.

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No kidding, right?

It's so true right now. Okay, love that. So what is true for you about now? Quote, unquote I know success means a different thing for everyone, but what has been true for you about when you have felt successful? What has been the truth around finding or experiencing success?

Isn't success just such a wild word and journey and all the feels? I know you know it too. I did have a very profound moment in 2019. I was set to speak on the biggest stage I had ever spoken on and I was looking out my hotel room window and I actually said out loud like, this is the moment you realize you have everything you ever wished for. Like, you know what, you know that moment. And I'm like, man, we live in our dream home. I couldn't ask for anything more. I had this beautiful family. I'm head over heels in love with my career. I'm attracting beautiful people into my life and not once, Laurie did I think about the money. I have realized that money doesn't drive the success. It is totally personal fulfillment. And if you are doing what you love and what you were meant to do, the money comes and the lifestyle builds. But building just a beautiful life around me with beautiful people that make me happy has made me feel more successful than anything. Wow.

I love that you actually just spurred something in me that I was. I'll just share it because I was thinking about building my new company and I have not have I thought about an exit and all of those things, of course, like, but briefly. And I've thought about building like what is this that I'm building? Like I want to build a community and like almost like a, you know, just show people a completely different way of being in culture and what I want to do. And I know like I am certain that if I do that everything else will also follow. So yeah, it's just a great reminder, like getting really rooted and focusing in on those things and fulfillment that makes you, those are your guiding principles. So important to know the numbers, but once you know them, let them go.

It's so true. It's so true. And you're somebody who is obviously incredible at building community, but I would imagine you would say too that once you start to build a really good community around yourself, it's like a ripple effect. You just start attracting the most beautiful people into your life and things really do start to come together. I know it sounds so far fetched until you've experienced it, but it really is like a tiny drop that turns into an ocean. It's really powerful.

You know what Britt? When I stopped looking at women and people as like I needed them for something because there was a time in my life when I was in that place. Like I just need to meet this person. I just need to learn this. I just, if they would just see me or recognize me or you know, let me in their circle. And these are just my deepest, you know, things that I'm sharing that go went on in my head. Like I really thought that's what it was that would get you to the place where you needed to go. And when I started coming from like, oh, how can I like just be present with this person? I wonder what they need. I wonder how I could help them. Like what would be a fun way to collaborate together where we could, you know, both connect or like have fun getting our message out in the world or whatever that looks like. That is when I became a magnet. The other things I was doing that was like anti magnet. What's the opposite of a magnet?

A polar opposite magnet? I'm laughing on the inside because I did the same thing. And I even have people will message me and be like, man, you hang out with some incredible women. How do I meet them? And my response is always, that should never be the goal. I mean the goal should always be very true to yourself, make real honest connections and the universe will take care of you. The people you're supposed to meet will come into your world. So Long as you're following that true north, it just kind of all comes together.

And I know that people are going right now, like, yeah, but how? And I. I will tell you because I. I was like, okay, yeah, you're saying that. That sounds really great, but you still have these, you know, friends, and you. You still got in here and there. That's, like, what they think, right? They think that you still had an advantage. Because that's what I thought. And I realized, and I. I write about this in my book, so I'd love to hear about your, you know, how you did it with your community, because you have raving fans. Like, they're not just fans. They are literally people who you have taught. They love you because. Because you have impacted their life. And I know that what happened for me was I had to stop looking at other people. I had to see who was around me right now, who I could help. It wasn't about, like, oh, I need this person and this person in my community, or, yeah, now I need to go look at this person who has more influence to see how I can connect with them. When I would get so focused on that, it's like I would just lose all sense of everything I was doing. It was like, who is in my life right now? Like, who am I next to? Who's that soul cycle? Who's, like, in my current realm of people that I know and how can we start helping each other? And the craziest thing happened when you start doing that. It's almost like people start to notice that you're doing things for people and with people, and you start to be on the minds and mouths of a lot of people because you're actually helping and making impact in your community, because that's where you can make the most impact right away. And that's just somehow, like you said, the people who are meant to meet you will come into your life if you're vibrating at that frequency of, like, just focusing on giving back to who's around you.

I totally agree. And to what you said, I call that seeking. When it's like people are almost so thirsty to make some kind of connection, and often they don't even know why. They're not even sure why. They feel like they need some specific connection or to meet a specific person, but they feel like it fills a void or would prove something. I'm not even 100% sure, but to what you said, it is incredible how when you just have an open heart and you want to serve and you believe that those who come into your path, are meant to be served by you, or you're meant to connect with them, and you just start kind of listening to the signs all around you and making those organic connections. It just builds. And the right people are put in our lives for a reason. And if you trust the process and don't put a timestamp on it and can just be patient and enjoy the ride, it really does all come together.

I think so. I love that so much. And it's a million percent true. And it's like, I think that it can get overwhelming, I think, in the beginning for people who want their dream, like, right now, because, you know, we've all felt that way. Yes, they can be like, okay, then who can I help right now? And. And how do I keep track of this? Is there a tracking system? Like, do I have to check in with this person every month? Like, no, just go and do good things and forget about it. And like, oh, my God. Because I used to get overwhelmed. I'm like, I, like, just. Stuff overwhelms me easy. It's my. It's literally just a, I would say, character flaw, but it's not. Whatever. It's just me. But now I realize, like, just go and do things without the intent. Go and do nice things because it feels good for you. Without the intention of this might bring me something someday, but it actually usually does. You might do a thousand nice things, but you'll have one that'll just be like, whoa, didn't expect that one to bring me this amazing freaking connection. And that's just how it works.

It's so true. It's like planting seeds and waiting to see what grows and the right things going to come up through the soil. You just almost can't put too much pressure on what the result will be and just be open.

I love that. Okay, so tell me a truth about relationships for you.

Oh, man, I have all the feels. When you said that, I mean, relationships have been a real challenge for me in my lifetime. As soon as you said relationship. The thing that always comes up for me is my mother. She and I haven't talked since I was 17, and it's been this. I can say that I'm good with that and I'm not. It's always been this void in my life, and I think that losing that connection with her has made me very hesitant to connect with anybody. If you can't connect with and trust your mother, who can you trust? And it's made it very difficult for me to break down walls but in building beautiful relationships and still kind of keeping the walls up, but just allowing my heart to show a little bit and being open to connection and trying to practice telling myself that there are good people in the world who want good things for me and want to connect has been so freeing. And in my times of need, I've seen good people come into my life and choose me, choose to make that connection. And I have found that in relationships specifically, the less I try and force it and just let those who. Who truly care for me just come in and bless and release those who don't or don't have good intentions or whatever. I am so much happier if somebody doesn't want to connect with me. I am truly okay with that. And it's taken work and I'm probably still practicing it, but man, relationships are tricky and I do feel like I'm a constant work in progress there.

Oh, girl. I just relate on so many levels. I've got a lot of just different family members that, A, I didn't speak to my mom for a while, B, I still don't talk to my sister very much. But so many, so many reasons. But it definitely has, you know, and I've made peace with a lot of it. But there are so many different things that come up around guarding yourself. And that's why I talk about what I talk about. So it's so true.

Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Do you ever feel like I don't know what the relationship is like with your sister, but do you ever feel like maybe I should open the door back up? But it's almost like opening Pandora's box and you're not sure what's going to pop out always.

I can't tell you how, except I've opened it enough now to know that the consistent, you know, the consistent response has been the same. So unfortunately, while I do start to feel connected, the. What happens is because it's. It's a lot of religious stuff, it ends up exploding again. So I just. For now, now I've made peace with where we're at. Will it change in the future? I'm not sure. That would require some changes around her that I don't know if they will happen or not. But that's just something also, like, you have to. It's a real interesting thing to decide to make peace with something really that you are told socially and through your life and you feel it in your guts that you are like, if you are a good person, you should have a good relationship with your family. That can really mess with you.

You. Oh, my gosh, you're speaking to my soul right now. The tremendous amount of guilt I felt for being a bad sister, being a bad daughter, or. I can't believe you would treat your mother that way. I mean, the social guilt is a real heavy thing, but when it comes down to fundamental life issues that you can't get on the same page with, sometimes it really is best just to let it go. Even though it can be painful, it's also very freeing.

Oh, man. So we're just going to go here for a sec, because for me. For me, it's like, I think there are so many people out there who are dealing with this, and I don't think a lot of people talk about it, because, number one, I still love my family. And I'm not completely. Like, I want people to know when I'm having this conversation. It's to hopefully free them. And I can still absolutely love my family while saying I am very aware that my environment is very powerful, whatever I put myself in. So when I go back to the environment of my family, I. I immediately weaken because I love them, and I feel deeply that I want to do right by them. Except doing right by them means doing wrong by me and why I'm on the planet. In their minds of the agreements that they have made on this planet and, you know, with family, their idea of family values and religion. And it doesn't fit for me knowing what I'm supposed to do. So for me, I also know I can't serve who I'm supposed to serve or do what I'm supposed to do. If I were to fall in line with what they would like for me, I love that.

And it truly is one of life's greatest challenges is like, can you be okay loving somebody from a distance, knowing that they don't accept your choices, but knowing that you are doing what you were put on this planet to do, who you were supposed to serve, and that learning that lesson or grieving that loss or healing that wound or whatever was part of the process, like, part of the journey that brings us here. And respecting that, that was a part of the journey. It's tough. It's like a daily struggle, right? But sometimes it's what we have to do to, like you said, be in that healthy mindset and be in a good space so that we can serve at our highest level.

Oh, my God, Britt. Well, we're gonna move on to the next thing, but before we do, I just want to say that is so like I think it's just the moment and so I'd like to hear your moment of choice because you said it was around what, 17? The moment I just had this moment where I realized that actually not being me was. I thought that I was living a lie by being me like quietly and doing all of these other things and not telling them who I was. But I realized not being me was the lie and that was the moment of like I can't. This pain of not being me is more intense than, you know, this. I realized it was flipped. I just. My whole life I was like, oh, I'm living a lie. I'm not this person they think I am. And I realized that it was opposite. It was just like, oh, I'm living a lie by having them think that I'm not the me that I am. So yeah, it was kind of a crazy moment. So for you, what was your moment of like wow, this is going to be the hardest decision I've ever made but I'm distancing.

Do you know what's wild is I didn't realize what my trigger moment was until last year. And I'm sure it's through doing self work that I realized at 17 I had a job at the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay. I was hired as a hostess there which was a cool job for a teenager. And my mom came in to visit me one day and she was like, you know, I just so proud of you, seeing you work at this great hotel. And my dream for you is that some amazing successful man comes in off the golf course, sweeps you off your feet and takes care of both of us for the rest of your life. And I thought f. That that is so not, you must not know me because that is not the woman I am at all. And it was from that day forward that I decided I was going to be self made. That's such a word that's resonated with me since then. And I really wanted to be self sufficient and self reliant and find my true worth not dependent on anybody else. And that was like the straw that broke the camel's back. From that moment forward it was very difficult for us to get on the same page. I was making these power moves to be on this quest to be self made that was not in alignment with being a trophy wife or whatever dream she had for me. And it drove a wedge so deep that we couldn't even. There was nothing to connect over. We were too far off there face.

Wow. Yeah. There are those moments Where? So let me ask one more question around that. No, actually I'm not promising any amount of questions anymore.

No problem.

Okay, so what, what I'm curious about is, was there, you know, in that moment were you like, no way. I want to be self reliant. Because your idea of relying on someone, the picture that you had seen, like what was that? Did that feel scary? Was she not happy even when she was being taken care of? Like what were you comparing it to? To know that that was not what you wanted?

It was kind of in that moment that I realized that was her life's quest is to be swept off her feet and carried away by somebody. And you know what? I wasn't mad when she said it. I'm not mad now. It just made me realize we didn't have the same values or vision. And that is okay. But I could look back at that moment. She had been married a couple times then, she's been married a couple times since and she is on this quest to be taken care of. And I can fully respect if that is the path she's on. That's okay. I'm okay with that. Fine. But it just wasn't going to be for me. And I could see how for my lifetime, even at 17 years old, it was like she was projecting her dreams onto me. Which I know is something that we as parents do for our kids from time to time. But I thought, oh my gosh, I have to break the cycle, we have to break the loop at some point because this isn't going to pan out. And I truly think that for her, maybe she didn't feel empowered or she didn't have her own self worth. And I think that's what drives me as a coach too is I don't want any man woman to ever feel like they aren't phenomenal enough to create whatever life it is they're looking to achieve.

Oh, I love that. Okay, so I, I does this bring up for you? Because I kind of went on a bit of a solo thing too, like, well, I'm going to take care of myself. I won't need anyone because I don't have anyone. And I'm going to show you and all of these other things that were going on in my mind and for a while it was very powerful for me. Right. Like to dig into that type of. I think there's multiple layers of motivation in our life. Sometimes anger is a motivator, sometimes fear is a motivator. And they're very powerful. They get us out of like really shitty situations, but. But they're not really lasting and they can be really isolating. So for you, have you noticed that this idea of like self made or taking, being super independent and taking care of yourself, how has that translated for you when you've needed people or when you're trying to tell your community, like, man, you gotta rely on people in order to create a happy life. Like, how have you danced in that?

Man, what a trip that is, right, Lori? So I did. I was like, I don't need anyone. I'm gonna work by myself and I'm not gonna connect. I'm a huge introvert, naturally. So it would be so easy to just like hide in my cave and I don't know, read books. I'm not sure. But it wasn't until I started getting out there and joining my first mastermind. Oh my gosh, the terror I felt when I stepped into that room. I thought that these people wouldn't understand me. What if I'm too stupid? All of those ideas that run through our minds, I really don't belong here. And it wasn't until I stepped in that room and spent that first retreat weekend with those men and women that I was like, oh my gosh. I mean, I could not do business or life alone. And it was the first time I really felt like I was with people who understood me. Not that, like my friends and family don't understand me. They understand a piece of me. I think it made me realize how like, multifaceted we are. You know what I mean?

Oh, my God, yes.

And to have some people who understand that piece of my life and I can have others who, you know, know me on girls wine night and you know, my son and my son and daughter and husband who know me in a different way. But to find somebody and a group of people who could support me in my business and in those aspirations has been so freeing. Because now if my best friend or somebody makes a side comment about what I do is weird or whatever, it doesn't bother me because I have so many people who do understand me and get me and I can turn to. It's changed everything. Like finding different tribes to support different facets of my life has been tremendous.

Oh, man. And that's the power. Everything that you just said right there, just the sentence of having the people who do understand you, it makes everything else like, of course it hurts when people don't understand you or you're, you know, you're misunderstood. But when you have people who get you, you're like, I'm good. I'm good.

Totally.

They. Not everyone has to get me. So what is something about you that you wish more people knew or understood but might be translated maybe not how you want? Even if that's a thing. I don't even know if that's a thing for you.

Do you know what's crazy is I actually wish more people knew that I was powerful. I think that my students see that and appreciate that, and I know that my husband sees that and appreciates that. But I have, because I am, I think, the female in our household. I do allow my husband to be the head of our family, definitely. It's the dynamic that works for us. I like it. It's great. But socially, I think I am, you know, the little woman. And I'm okay. I'm truly okay with it. But just now, in the last few months, even his co workers or friends or people we meet socially are like, whoa, Brit, you're kind of a badass. And it feels really good. And for a long time, I kind of hid behind my own power. I was, I don't know if it was ashamed or embarrassed or not sure if it would last. Something like that, maybe. But I wish more people knew how strong I truly am.

Ooh, that's so good. And it makes me then question, is it potentially what you're also afraid of, if people knew about you, you. That you might lose people if you really showed how powerful you were? Or is that just shenanigans?

No, as you say that I'm like absolutely 110%. I think that success or people who do things that are out of the box or when you see somebody who shows up in a way that you hadn't perceived them showing up before, people get jealous. They don't know what to do with you, especially when they don't understand what's going on. And it does worry me that people would distance themselves or that it would have a negative impact. And so I think I do just choose to retreat and just try and tell myself it's okay. If they don't understand, it's okay. But at the end of the day, it's not okay. I would love it if people saw me for who I truly am every day.

Yeah, believe me, I had the same. Done a lot of self development work. And the thing that always came up for me is owning my power. And I was so afraid of it because I, number one, I denying it made me feel ill because I knew what I was capable of doing and I knew who I could help. And I knew how that would feel, but I was so afraid of it because I thought that if I owned it, I would make people think that I thought I was better than them and they wouldn't like me. I just desperately, even as a kid, because I wasn't popular, I was in a like a super restrictive religion, I wanted people to like me so bad. It was my one thing, like going into entrepreneurship that almost, you know, threw me out. Because you can't do this wanting everyone to like you. You'll never, ever get your message across. So what is something that you feel like you want to share with people around, you know, knowing what they're going to be facing when they get their purpose out in the world?

World. I am nodding so much right now. All of those fears and they still exist and I'm continuing to work through them. And it's so easy to say like, well, I don't care if people like me. Yeah, of course I do. Of course I want people to like me. That doesn't even make sense. And so it's easy to say that out the side of our mouths. But that's not true. We want everybody to like us. But I was given some really wise words a few years ago and it was, you'll know you've made it when you have your first hater. You have to be speaking your truth so loud that not everybody agrees. It's like when you have an opinion that that is so valid or powerful or deep, some people aren't going to agree with it. And that's when you know you've hit something. That's when you know you're speaking a truth. And that's when you know you are talking about something that is so good that it could be a little controversial. And that was very freeing because now I don't mince my words. If I feel something, I don't really worry about who doesn't agree. If you don't agree, you don't have to follow me. We don't have to hang out, out. But those who do agree with me agree deeply into what you said. It's allowed me to build this tribe. I mean, I was beaming like a proud momma when you were talking about my tribe. The love and connection that my members and my tribe has is like unbelievable. It's second to none. And I believe that comes from me being who I am and speaking my truth and not being afraid to ruffle feathers and maybe, you know, lose some friends along the way. But being true to myself has changed everything for sure.

I mean, amen. It comes from the top down. They will do as you do. They will feel good knowing that you won't put up with certain things. Yeah, it's, it's crazy. Like the lives we live are what we tolerate. So you have seen so many common themes in business because you work with hundreds, thousands of business owners who are coming to you sharing things, you're sharing tips, you're sharing best practices. So I know there's got to be a few themes of where business businesses are failing. So I want to know where you see the most common themes of failure in people's businesses.

Couple of things. Negative mindset will just kill you. If you don't have your mind right, it'll be incredibly difficult to achieve everything you're looking for. Self doubt is a beast and he wants to show up every chance he gets. If you can't handle criticism, if you don't have a healthy relationship with money, those are things that we need to heal as soon as possible. The other thing I see people doing a lot and I understand why they do it, they don't know any other way is, for lack of a better word, copycatting. You'll see somebody else doing something and you admire it. Like, you're like, oh my gosh, that is so beautiful. And before you know it, you're like, oh my gosh, I think I could do something like that. And next thing you know, you're starting to talk about something that you kind of know about or you're offering some services that you're kind of confident with and your Instagram starts to look like their Instagram and you're starting to talk like they do. And the problem with that is it's inauthentic. And as soon as we start being inauthentic, it's first of all exhausting. It's so hard to be fake and not yourself. Too much work and it's incredibly difficult to be successful and find longevity that way. And it isn't until we really do the work and find what it is that we are meant to do. And what I found is when you find what you're meant to do, it's easy. And it's often the thing that people are asking you for advice on. Like Lori, I wasn't there, but I can imagine when you were a personal trainer, people would get to talking about the things that you are talking about now and it would just come from your heart and come from your soul and it's like the message was always in there. It was just looking for an outlet to get out. And it's when you do a lot of self discovery and you're like, oh, man, I could talk about this all day, or I could do this specific service all day, or I could hand make these soaps all day. And the way I know advertise them is so different. It's like finding the gaps, finding what makes you special, choosing your own path and being the trailblazer versus the follower is how we find real success in business. And it is so much easier to pour that heart and soul into it that it needs if you're being your true, authentic self.

So true. And I feel like the thing about, you know, when you're finding your authentic self and voice, it's like it usually doesn't come across like, whoa, you struck gold. Like, these are people who have been like, okay, this feels good for me. I'm going to do this every day for a year, for five years, for 10 years. And then all of a sudden people start noticing and you're like, okay, I've been doing this for like 10 freaking years over here. And I think that's where there's a bit of a miss with people, is they're like, hey, I did what Brit said. I started being authentic and nobody liked my stuff.

Yep. It's just because you want that. You want, you want the results in five minutes. And like you said, it might take five years, but it's the consistency of showing up as yourself and being patient with yourself. I still remember the first time I hopped on a live stream. The only comment I got was, is this seriously all you're going to talk about? You're not good at this. Oh, my gosh. Right? And I was like, well, I'm never going to make it. I'm doomed. But the next day I got back on and I was like, okay, I'll talk about something else. And I did. I did it hundreds of times until I understood what people really wanted me to talk about and until I found my rhythm and I really felt comfortable being myself. Which does take some practice for sure. But it's like you said, that consistent repetition of being bold and trying things and not being afraid to fail that establishes that framework that allows you to find that true north.

So tell me some business success tips that you know, if people implement them, you see it work.

Okay, so this is something that I did wrong in the beginning, so I'm not afraid to talk about it is I was the girl who was going to, like, hop on every free webinar. I was a Google machine. I'm like a research aholic. I was like, courses, paid trainings, forget it. Who needs that? You must not know me. I can figure this all out myself. That was the slow path. I wasted a couple of years doing that for way too long. And I found that once I started investing wisely in courses and masterminds and opportunities, that definitely my business grew, but my confidence in myself really grew. And so I would anybody who is doing any kind of business take an online course, go to a live event, and then actually talk to people. I know when you spoke at my stage, you were saying I could easily be the girl in the corner drinking wine and eating off the cheese table for the entire night. It's very easy to be that girl, but be bold enough to shake your hand with the person next to you and to have real connections. That was a game changer. And on social media, people always say, like, what are you supposed to talk about? I don't choose my topics ever. I let my audience tell me what they want to hear more about. So, actually, my Instagram post today is how can I help you? It's a graphic card that just says, how can I help you? And if you look, look, it's filled with dozens of people asking me questions saying how I can support them. Well, first of all, it gives me a great opportunity to serve my community, which is my favorite thing. It fills my soul. But Now I have 50 new Instagram topics, 25 things I can do a live video about. So just listening to your audience and being in tune to what it is, what their pain points are, if we can speak to their pain points, oh, my gosh. It's the easiest way to deserve.

Holy crap. I love that you said that. Because it's. So many people are like, I gotta be the next big thing. Oh, my God, she just came out with this. How can I come out with some new thing or some new way of doing something or saying something? I'm like, what is your people around you right now need. Like, you don't need to spend time trying to be so different from everybody because we're all the freaking same anyway. But the way that you are going to help people is by your own unique way of saying how you got out of it yourself. And we get so caught up. Thankfully, this is.

Is.

Of all the things that I have done wrong, being a perfectionist is not one of them. That's also been, you know, that's also like my Achilles heel. I'm like, let's just put it out. But I'll tell you, like, I know that that's one of the main things for entrepreneurs is getting super caught up in like I need to do this better, more unique or saying it different. And we just, we spend so much time over complicating it. When you guys could be like literally start a business right now on social media and be getting paid tomorrow for some something like that you could help your community with, whether it's one on one coaching or maybe you could sell 30 minutes of your time for some questions that you know your community has for you and we just overcomplicate the daylights out of everything.

It's so true. I, I spent way too many years spending like an hour and a half to create an Instagram post. It's ridiculous. Like nothing should ever take that much time. But I think there's also this shift right now where nobody wants to do the deep work. Like you just said, offer a one on one call with somebody. And I think right now there's this like rush to scale. Like, well I'm not going to do that. I'm actually just going to create an online course. And it's like, oh man. If you could just spend six months doing the foundational work of taking those one on one coaching calls and taking every opportunity you can get to meet for coffee, have a conversation, hop on a zoom call, like we keep talking about, connect, like have actual powerful conversations. You will gain clarity so much faster than trying to do just force something out there or attempt to serve a need if you haven't already done the research yet.

Oh my God, I don't know how to skip that part. Like, right. And I know that you have masterminds. So this is like actually a thing that is out there in every community. So I don't even have to ask you if it's in your community. It's like people right away want to chart, you know, want to start charging for something online or something that they have seen other people with a massive audience who. This person has been serving this massive audience and growing it for 10 years. And this audience likes them, trusts them, has seen them show up and all of a sudden we want what this person is doing. Even though we don't have anyone who trusts us, follow us, we haven't been adding value to people's lives every single day consistently. So a lot of times people will come into the mastermind, your mastermind too, I'm sure, and be like, okay, well I want to do this or have this online thing and, and it's like, how have you been growing that? Like, who's going to purchase it? Who's going to buy it? So what do you think is some of the work? If nobody has a community yet, they do want something online or they want to be some sort of influencer in this space or other spaces. What is some advice that you give those people?

This is so funny because I was having this conversation with a student yesterday. So we're in this period of uncertainty, and here's another mistake I think some people are making is they're deciding to jump into, like, business has been going great up until this point. We've hit a bump in the road. It's a big one. And I understand that. But they're like, so I'm going to make a pivot right now, and I'm going to start a digital course. What is my first step? And I said, well, the first step is to really be certain that you're thinking long term, that we're not just making an impulsive decision to abandon our entire career up until this point to pull the trigger on something new. But if you've done that deep work and you know that you're ready to become a coach or an educator or whatever it is you want to call yourself, a speaker, maybe. I said to this person, I want you every day for six months to serve, and I want you to do live videos, and I want you to show up on social media even when it's ugly, even on the days when you don't want to do it because you need to love whatever it is you're going to talk about so much that you can do it every single day for six months. And I said, you're going to talk to an empty room for probably five out of the six, and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You have to do that hard work in the beginning because to what you said, it's that same old story of every overnight success took a decade. I mean, you and I are here to tell the tale. It's like we did all of that. If anybody goes and scrolls back in my Instagram, do you ever do this, Lori? I'm such a creep. Oh, my gosh. I go back and look at the early years of everybody's Instagram, and it's ugly. Like, none of us knew what we were doing at all, but we stuck with it. And that's the key to longevity and success.

Please tell me what that horrible filter was that made everything black around the edges that we thought was in the beginning. Why would I make my food look that way.

I don't know.

But we did it looks burnt and unedible. It's disgusting.

But we all did it. I'm not sure. And we double tapped. I don't even know. But that's what we did, and that's how we started. And I don't know about you, Lori, but I'm still a work in progress. I'm still trying to figure it out every day.

Every day. And I think that is the thing about even uncertain times right now. You and I got on this podcast and it was like, how are you? And you were like, I'm great. And I was like, me too. And I was like, wait. We're actually in the climate of, you know, the times, of course. There's so many things going on. And I know that you've had, I'm sure, multiple conversations with your husband and your family and, you know, assessing everything that's going on. And I'm sure you felt insanely fearful, just like I have for a time being or however long. Maybe when you're tired or you're run down, and then you make the choice to decide to roll with it and just figure it out. Like, it's a really scary thing, but there is no. There is no other choice. So what's your mindset around you getting through? You have a family. You have a ton of people you're worried about and look out for. If you let that get to you and you start spiraling, you won't do anything. So what is it that you're doing to stay in a place that could have you still accessing positive answers and solutions?

It's so true, and it's so tricky. The night before last, my husband showed me a social media video. And I know he did it with the best of intentions, but it sent me into a tailspin. It was one the of of those very dramatic, overly polarizing videos that really did a number on me, and it sent me into a very negative mindset where I could have easily just shut the heck down and said, forget it. I'm. I don't know, making a hard left. I'm not even sure what I would have done. And instead, I realized that I am here to serve a bigger purpose that people count on me. There's the people who live in the four walls of my home, and. And then there's tens of thousands of others who are expecting me to show up as a beacon of light. And I know that's exactly where I want to be. And I also know that I am going to be okay. There is nothing that I can't endure. I mean, I've gone through some shit, and I've always come out the other side. And so I often ask myself, like, what is the worst that could happen? Let's say the worst that could happen is we lose our home, we have to sell off our cars, and I close down my business. Business. I mean, to be honest, that would suck, but I would just pick up and we would start over. Like, I would build something else from the ground up. We could buy a new home if. So long as I have, like, my core people, like we talked about the top of this episode, and I still have my mindset and my willpower, you know, and my. My love of who I am and what I do. I am going to be okay. And there will be a flip side of this. We've been through dark times like this before. It will also happen again. And continuing to practice gratitude and not getting so caught up in. To be totally frank, I'm not on social media that much right now. I'm talking to great people like you. I'm reading books. I'm choosing to do the things that make me feel really good. I'm doing a lot of hot tub sessions. Like, whatever it is that fills my soul and makes me feel good is what I'm doing. And it's keeping me in a really positive head space. And that is the name of the game, man.

That's really powerful because it's. I mean, number one, it's really the only thing you can do if you want to stay positive. Number two, people, historically, what makes me feel better might freak out some people, but it truly. If you really think about it, like, we have been through times like these before, and you make it through, and people usually end up writing about how it changed something for, like, so much for the better. Of course, there's so many terrible, tough times ahead, but this is where we learn about what's really important. Important and what you're capable of. And just like you said, I've gone to worst case scenario and been like, okay, we lose our house, we lose our cars. We have to move back to the Midwest. We have to figure things out. Maybe we're in a tent for a while. Maybe there's, you know, what do. Maybe we have to protect ourselves and make sure, you know, just all of the things. And I've been like, okay, can we do that? Yes. Okay. And there's always going to be the upside. There will always be a time when it's going to get better, and it could be even better. And it's just. Yeah. Did we want or expect to experience this throughout history? Probably not. Even though it's how history has always gone. So. Yeah, just staying as positive as possible. And just like you said, I am only staying in positive conversations because when I spiral. Because I had one of those moments, too, where I was like, oh, God, like, it was not. It was not good. It was going ugly. I felt that just, like, change inside of me where you can become scared or. Or fearful or angry or, you know, see people and not the light that you want to see them in that serves you or anyone in your family. And it's like, oh, that's not. It's clearly now a choice. Now that I've, like, went to that moment, it's like, I don't want that at all. I don't want to live like that ever. So it's just making that choice in every single moment. And what makes you further from that angry person and staying away from that. So. So it is powerful to be able to. I've just been listening to, like, podcasts, like, of people who I know are going to vibrate really high and talking to amazing people, and it's totally changed the way I see my day.

It's so true. And I love that you just said, what if better comes out of this? Like, what if this is actually a blessing in disguise? It hurts right now. A lot of really good things do hurt in the beginning, and then it ends up being a catalyst for something incredible. Like, what if we choose that to be our mindset? Oh, my gosh. Anything would be powerful if we can wrap our heads around around thinking of it that way versus getting caught up in the downward spiral. That would just be such a powerful.

Thing, you know, I know already. Just to share one last thing, like, I know already in my team, like, we're using this time to get better and get closer and to talk about things we haven't been talking about. Like, in saying, guess what? Like, now we're just all very fortunate to have jobs and have each other. So why don't we talk about some of the things that seemed like a big deal before that aren't anymore? And we did that today. It was really powerful. It was really hard. It was, like, a really tough hour for everybody to talk about what's been coming up for everyone. But it was the most powerful thing that we've done. I'm like, wow, that was a beautiful catalyst to be like, hey, we don't Know what's coming up next. So what do we want to talk about that we want to get out of the way so we can be in appreciation for each other.

Oh, my gosh. So I'm putting that in my back pocket. That was genius. I'm 100% doing. But that this is been like this amazing magnifying glass of like, okay, what have we been focusing on that actually doesn't matter at all that we've been spinning our wheels about or angry over or having feels over or wasting time on if we're going to really focus on what needs to be focused on? The list gets really short.

It does.

Complaints get short. The list of what we need to actually prioritize gets short. You're exactly right. It's been, like, such a time of great focus. There's just no doubt.

All right, Britt, I could talk to you all day, but first, I need all of the people to know where they can find you, follow you, join your program, all of those things. Because I'm sure there are some people right now who are like, that is what I need. So give me all the details.

Oh, my gosh, Laura, you're amazing. So I am Brit Siva. So it's b R I t t s e v A basically everywhere. Instagram, Facebook, all the places. I have a podcast. It's called the thriving stylist podcast. But we don't just talk stylist talk. If you're interested in building and growing a business and positive mindset, hang with me. You'll love it. And if you're interested in growing your business as a stylist, check out thriversociety.com Amazing.

Okay. And I always end on one last question, but I just want to, number one, just say thank you for who you are and how you show up and for making my day and just for the deep gratitude I had to be able to be invited into your tribe and on your stage, like, what a freaking honor. You have the most amazing people around you because you are so freaking honest. Awesome. It was just so clear to me. I walked in, in the way that I was treated, I was treated like a total queen. Your people were freaking incredible. I felt so, like, loved and taken care of and I knew that that was coming from who you are. So that was just absolutely amazing. So I want to acknowledge you for who I know you are just by who is all around you and who is in your tribe. And I just. Is there any last thing that is on your heart that you want to share with the list? Listeners.

I just want anybody who's listening to know that you were made for big, huge things, whatever that looks like for you. Don't settle for anything less than incredible. No matter what it is you're hoping to achieve in your life, you don't need to feel bad about it. You don't need to worry about what anybody else thinks. Like, truly choose happy. This is your lifetime to create it, so create it big. No excuses.

I love that. And I always end on one last question. I. You ready?

Yep.

Okay. You're in an elevator ride. It's literally like only five floors. So it's like 30 seconds, essentially. 30 seconds with a total stranger, and they look at you and ask you, how can I make myself happy? What do you say?

Oh, my gosh. The thing that instantly comes to my mind is, love yourself just a little bit more.

So beautiful and so true. You guys, if you loved this podcast as much as I did, make sure you share it with a friend. Like, literally right now. Text it to a friend that you know is maybe struggling today or, you know, just needs to brighten their day, or somebody who wants to launch a business just like Brit helps people with. So do that right now for me, that is exactly how you can get this podcast out in the world. That is. The only way this podcast is actually getting shared is by you guys. And one other thing. If you absolutely loved Brit and you're so grateful for some of the things that she just talked about taught you, make sure that you upload it to Stories and tag her and I and let us know your biggest takeaway so that we can share your story. All right, you guys, until next time, earn your happy. Bye, everyone. Thank you guys so much for spending this time with me on the earn your happy podcast. I am so glad that you stopped by. If you could take one second to share this episode with someone you think would love it, that would be absolutely amazing and we would be forever grateful. Also, please leave us a review if you feel so moved by going to itunes and leaving us an honest thought, an honest comment. Tell us what you think, tell us what you want to hear more of. It would really help us out on our journey to helping thousands and thousands of people. Until then, don't forget to earn your happy. Thanks again, guys.

Bye. Bye.